The Personal Logs of Lieutenant Tuvix
by jamelia116
Summary: An AU sequel to "His Fathers' Son." Thanks to his friends Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry, Tuvix is alive and well on Voyager. Tuvix records his impressions of his life with his fathers Tuvok and Neelix, along with the rest of the crew, as they travel through the DQ towards Tuvok's home in the AQ - which isn't Neelix's. Where does Tuvix belong? Tuvix, Neelix, Tuvok, Mezoti, crew.
1. My First Entry

**The Personal Logs of Lieutenant Tuvix (an AU sequel to "His Fathers' Son")**

by jamelia

* * *

 **Stardate 49661.2**

This is my first official personal log entry as Lieutenant (junior grade) Tuvix. Captain Janeway has added my name to the crew roster of the _USS_ _Voyager_. Like Lieutenant Paris, and all of _Voyager's_ Maquis personnel, my rank is provisional, as it was when I first arrived on this vessel. Captain Janeway will not confirm any rank she has bestowed until we make contact with her superiors at Starfleet Command in some way. Although I may possess Father Tuvok's memories and knowledge, I am not personally qualified for any official rank. When the captain discussed my status with me, she used Commander Chakotay's situation as an example. Although he had previously met all requirements for his current level, he'd resigned his Starfleet commission when he entered the Maquis. As a result, she could only offer a provisional rank to him when the crew of the _Val Jean_ came on board _Voyager_. This was also true of Lieutenant Ayala.

Captain Janeway thinks I may eventually be accepted into Starfleet as a commissioned officer even though my persona of Tuvix never attended Starfleet Academy. Citing the precedent of Lieutenant W. Thomas Riker, the officer whose accidental duplication showed my crewmates a way to save my life, she believes Starfleet Command may evaluate my competence to serve in the position. If deficits in certain areas are found, I would need to take specific courses before my commission was confirmed. I find this to be a logical way of dealing with my unusual situation. It was reassuring to hear that although Lieutenant Riker had been out of touch for eight years on Nervala IV, he was deemed competent to serve without the need of remedial instruction. He moved to another ship in his then-current rank of lieutenant shortly after his existence was discovered.

Father Tuvok currently holds the rank of full lieutenant. The captain did not feel comfortable giving me the same rank based on my own two weeks of service as Tuvix. I accepted this, of course. She would be justified in giving me the rank of ensign, if she wished. After my meeting with the captain, I discussed her decision with Father. He agrees with the captain's reasoning. I must prove myself capable of functioning at the level of a junior grade lieutenant for an extended period before any consideration is given to raising my rank to a full lieutenancy. He also noted that the only promotion given since _Voyager_ came to the Delta Quadrant was to Lieutenant Rollins, but that his was a "special case." Rollins was an ensign at the time the ship was lost, but the captain had received confirmation he was due to be promoted to be given the rank of lieutenant, junior grade, as soon as _Voyager_ finished its current mission. The captain decided that since _Voyager_ "caught" the _Val Jean_ Maquis, that mission _was_ "finished," allowing her to grant him his new rank immediately.

While I may have Father's memories, it is also true I have just undergone a major ordeal and must adjust to my current circumstances. I remember all the meditation techniques Father has mastered over many years of practicing the discipline, but considering my unacceptable behavior on the bridge on the day the captain told me she'd decided I must be separated back into Lieutenant Tuvok and Neelix, I have not yet learned to apply them. I must integrate the Talaxian emotionalism I "inherited" from Father Neelix into my Vulcan heritage. Until that has been accomplished, I will be under a great deal of stress. Holding the higher rank, with its concomitant greater degree of responsibility, could complicate this process.

I discussed this with both my fathers, of course. Dad expressed his own concerns about my capacity to accommodate all the aspects of my personality into one person, since Talaxians and Vulcans are so different. He pointed out, for instance, that although my behavior on the bridge was embarrassing in the extreme, and it would have been unthinkable for a Vulcan such as Father to exhibit his emotions this way, a Talaxian would say that display of emotion was the only reason I'm still alive today. When I begged for mercy, and even accused the captain of trying to murder me, she was upset; but she decreed a one-day stay of execution to "say good-bye" to my friends on _Voyager_. That reprieve gave me the opportunity to request assistance from Lieutenant Paris, Lieutenant Torres, and Ensign Kim, who arrived at a plan which permitted a Tuvix to live on. I say "a Tuvix," because the twin they created of me had to sacrifice his life for our parents to come back to theirs. I will never forget my brother Neevok. I will honor him always for his sacrifice. We were together for just a few hours, but he is my brother forever.

I should note, in closing, that we have determined appropriate designations for me to utilize for my parents. To avoid confusion, "Father" is Tuvok. Neelix is "Dad."

* * *

Disclaimer: Paramount/CBS own Star Trek lock, stock, and photon torpedo barrel. This is an alternate universe story based on a character who never lived beyond one episode of Star Trek: Voyager. I liked Tuvix and was sorry no attempt was made to find a way to keep him on the ship. In "His Fathers' Son," Tuvix was deliberately duplicated in a similar way that Lieutenant Riker was separated into Will and Thomas Riker in TNG's "Second Chances." One of the twins would have to give up his life in order for Tuvok and Neelix to be returned to theirs as individuals. Neevok, Tuvix's twin, agreed to be the sacrifice. This log entry-style story illustrates how Tuvix's life might have been lived as _Voyager_ traveled through the Delta Quadrant, but in an unorthodox family, as a fully-grown adult hybrid, and with his two fathers now living on the ship along with him.-jamelia


	2. A Lush but Treacherous New Earth

**Stardate 49667.8**

We expect to arrive in orbit over a planet Dad learned about from a friend of his. Paxim heads a convoy of Talaxians who do most of their business transactions in this area of space. The planet is supposed to be very beautiful, with a lush environment that allows for a great variety of edible plants to flourish. Paxim's crews have stopped there briefly on several occasions to gather food supplies, although they do not stay long, even though the planet is uninhabited. I thought it a bit odd they don't spend more time there if the planet is as rich in resources as they say, with no one living there to object to harvesting them. It doesn't really matter to me. Father told me I will be stationed at tactical while the away teams gather foodstuffs. I believe he assigned me this duty to assess my willingness to comply with his orders. Under normal circumstances, in the Alpha Quadrant, I would not be under his direct command. Here, however, our duty assignments must reflect our training and experience. Because I have Father's memories, I remain in Tactical and Security, and under his supervision.

Dad told me that after the food stores arrive on _Voyager_ , I will be able to help him prepare various dishes for the crew, if I so desire. I will enjoy doing that. I just hope Dad will be willing to listen to my advice to be more judicious in the use of spices in our dishes. When I expressed this hope to Lieutenant Paris, he said, "Good luck with that, Tuvix." Tom does not believe I will be successful.

We shall see.

* * *

 **Stardate 49672.7**

There is no change in the captain's or the commander's conditions. They remain in stasis while our Doctor searches for a way to heal them of the disease they caught on that planet. It may be as beautiful as Paxim said it was, but there's a reason no one has settled there. I trust Paxim was unaware of these insects when he told us of the place. Perhaps he heard it was a bad idea to stay down on the surface for long but never knew why. If we make contact with him in the future, I will try to remember to ask him about it.

The Doctor is still hopeful he will find a cure. He told Father it is a type of disease with which he is unfamiliar. Apparently there are no comparable infections known in the Alpha or Beta Quadrants, the source of his medical database. The strangest aspect, he said, is that something in the environment seems to suppress the symptoms in the patient. The Doctor has been unable to construct a viable antidote as of yet, even though many of the science officers and Mr. Paris, who is trained as a field medic, have volunteered their off-duty time to work with the Doctor. With so many people working on the project, I trust they soon will find a way to successfully treat our command team.

I learned much of this when I spoke with Tom in the mess hall yesterday. He was unable to eat much of the dinner Dad served us. With considerable reluctance, I admitted I have been unable to persuade Dad to lower the amount of very strong-flavored spices in his dishes. I'll keep trying, but I fear Tom may be right. A vaccine to treat Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay may be easier to find than convincing Dad to go easy on his seasonings.

* * *

 **Stardate 49690.5**

Today was a very sad day. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were transported down to the surface of the planet, which the team in Stellar Cartography has designated "New Earth." So far, the Doctor has been unable to produce a cure for the disease afflicting them. While he is certain there is some factor in the atmosphere of New Earth which counteracts the effects of the infection, he has been unable to determine exactly what that might be. We even tried transporting a supply of the planet's atmosphere inside a containment field to Sickbay to see if that would control the symptoms. The Doctor woke up Commander Chakotay briefly to test his response, but his vital signs quickly plummeted. The Doctor had to put him back into stasis. Multiple factors on the planet may be responsible for the protective effect.

The only viable solution was to leave them on New Earth. A great deal of equipment was replicated and transported down to the surface for their use, including medical laboratory instruments. The captain is a capable scientist. When she enrolled in Starfleet, she expected to be a science officer; her interest in command came later. While her specialty is astrophysics, she is also trained in biological research methods. With the equipment, she will be able to look for a cure on her own. One of our precious shuttles was also provided to them. If the captain is able to find a successful treatment, the two can travel back to rejoin us on _Voyager_. They will need to find the solution quickly, however. Their shuttle has a top speed of Warp 4. _Voyager's_ usual cruising speed, as long as our power situation is in hand, is Warp 6.5. It is unlikely they will be able to catch up with _Voyager_ if it takes them long to find a successful treatment for their illness.

Just before she went into stasis, Captain Janeway turned command over to Father. When she woke up on the planet and discussed the situation with the crew, she ordered us to continue on our way to the Alpha Quadrant under Father's command. Many of the crew became very emotional about this decision. They're in mourning over the loss of the captain and the commander. Some, especially our Maquis crew members, have expressed uneasiness with Father in command. Father spied on them for Starfleet when he was part of the _Val Jean's_ crew. They will get over it. Father is very qualified to be captain of _Voyager_.

I must admit I am a little perturbed with his new role myself, although this has nothing to do with his competence as a leader. Since I have his memories, I know how very capable he is. However, when we were preparing to beam Captain Janeway and the Commander down to the planet, Father called me aside and told me that with his new duties, he will be unable to spend time working with me on my mental disciplines. This is unnerving. I know I need his help, especially when it comes to mind melding. Although I have his memories of how it is done, I cannot seem to do it all by myself. The only time we melded successfully was when he was the one who entered my mind. The Doctor said I have "all" of the inheritance of both Father and Dad, but I worry that the blend - or possibly that small amount of orchid DNA present in my genome - may prevent me from ever attaining the mental attributes of a full-blooded Vulcan.

I hope we hear from the Doctor or from Captain Janeway very soon about a successful cure. It is selfish of me, I know, but who knows when the ability to perform a mind meld might prove to be of grave importance? It may be needed at any time.

* * *

 **Stardate 49724.3**

Harry Kim is in trouble again. He's confronted Captain Tuvok on two occasions and was out of control both times. Hogan and Swinn have also insisted Father seek help from the Vidiians. I know how extremely dangerous it is to approach them. Even though the Vidiians are well-versed in medical techniques, if they were all-powerful in that regard, they would surely have found a cure for The Phage by now. They have not.

I recall that Dr. Denara Pel was aboard this ship for quite a while before my . . . creation? Constitution? I do not think "birth" is the most accurate term to describe how I came to be. I will have to come up with a better word for it. Perhaps "advent" would be appropriate.

I am digressing. I was discussing Dr. Pel as a possible source for a cure.

One of the only other Vulcans on board, Ensign Vorik, shared with me his opinion that while approaching Dr. Pel would be a logical thing to do, it is possible the Vidiians _don't_ have a remedy, either. If they had a vaccine to prevent the infection, he believes they would have colonized New Earth. I have my doubts their failure to colonize this world means they have no cure. Considering their medical problems, the Vidiians may not have any excess populations who wish to settle on New Earth. However, if they don't have any antidote to the New Earth sickness, it would be far better for our crew to learn this now, rather than have their emotions continually churning over their captain's unwillingness to explore all his options.

Ensign Vorik told me Dr. Pel is "trustworthy." Tom and B'Elanna agree with him. My own memories of her from Father and Dad indicate they formed the same opinion of her. The Doctor is sure that if she didn't know of a way to treat the condition, she would tell us the truth. If there is, of course, it will be difficult to obtain it without attracting the attention of other Vidiians, who may have organ-harvesting, not to mention revenge for the loss of one of their ships prior to my "advent," on their minds. Captain Janeway thought it was not worth the risk; therefore, Father refuses to seek Dr. Pel's advice.

The truth is, I am very concerned for Father. He has all the qualities of a good leader except, perhaps, one of the most important: empathy. His history of conflict with Dad centers on his inability to grasp what it is like to be Talaxian. In a similar way, he does not see how upset the crew, which is primarily human, has become. Father's emotional control is rigid - I know how essential that is for him, since his emotions actually are too strong for him to deal with in any way other than through rigid controls - but the crew does not know this. That rigidity he projects clashes with the sensibilities of virtually every other member of this crew.

I would become very emotional myself if the crew should mutiny on his watch. I am caught between Father, who barely talks to me anymore, and my crew mates. I don't know what to do.


	3. Return

**Stardate 49725.2**

One crisis has been averted, but we may have a greater one on our hands if everything does not go exactly as planned.

The crew finally nominated the one person who could convince Father that he should at least talk with Dr. Pel to see if there is a vaccine available from the Vidiians. Kes got through to him. In her very quiet way, she can be quite forceful, and he listened to her. When they spoke to Dr. Pel, she confirmed the Vidiians do have a serum to counteract the effects of this planet's insect bites. She is willing give us some. In return, we are trading a sample of Lieutenant Torres' DNA to the Vidiians. When B'Elanna was their captive during the first year _Voyager_ was in the Delta Quadrant, the doctor who held her was certain her Klingon DNA might hold the answer to a cure for the Phage. The Doctor used some to save Dr. Pel's life when she was on _Voyager_ before my advent, so this Dr. Sulan may have been correct.

The tricky part will be making the exchange with Dr. Pel without other Vidiians learning of the transaction. They have a history of attacking any ships available and harvesting body parts of the occupants to "donate" to Vidiians suffering from organ failure due to the Phage. Dad lost both of his lungs to the Vidiians a year ago. If Kes had not donated one of her lungs to him, he would have been confined permanently to immobility in Sickbay, where holographic lungs could breathe for him, or he would have died. We will be practicing defensive strategies non-stop until the transfer is made and are certain we have escaped pursuit.

* * *

 **Stardate 49730.8**

We have the serum and are on our way back to New Earth to treat Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. We were unable to get the sample of B'Elanna's DNA to Dr. Pel, however. She was very upset with her fellow Vidiians, who spurned her desire to provide humanitarian aid. Other ships surrounded _Voyager,_ planning to capture us to steal our organs.

Father had anticipated their perfidy and made us practice ejecting and exploding a canister of antimatter, to allow us to escape from any attempt to capture us before it could succeed. It worked beautifully. Dr. Pel transported the serum to us just before we exploded our makeshift bomb. Dr. Pel was not injured, the attacking Vidiian ships were incapacitated. _Voyager_ escaped.

* * *

 **Stardate 49894.3**

Today we arrived at New Earth. Captain Janeway was most unhappy with Father because he contacted the Vidiians. I'm certain she will get over it. The orders Captain Janeway gave him when she transferred command to Father were not binding. He had the right and the duty to change them as he saw fit. With prodding from Kes, that's what he did.

While the crew is uniformly happy with the return of the captain and the commander, they themselves have displayed a degree of awkwardness with this situation. Over a month ago, a storm damaged their medical research equipment beyond repair. Since then, they'd adjusted to living a very different style of life on New Earth than the one they've always led on _Voyager_. I hope they were not at odds down on the planet. They seemed quite stiff with each other when they arrived on the bridge this morning.

Lieutenant Paris has a theory that they were "more than just friends" on the planet, but now that they've returned, they'll go back to following the protocol forbidding commanding officers from having a personal relationship with anyone under their direct command. Since everyone on _Voyager_ is under the captain's direct command, that means "hands off" from everyone - including Commander Chakotay. Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim scoffed at this, accusing Tom of expressing his "typical prurient interest" about their relationship.

After reviewing my memories, I cannot confirm nor deny Lieutenant Paris's position. The captain and the commander generally have displayed a warm but professional relationship towards each other. Their cool behavior on the bridge may be a natural response to having to reassume their command roles after being responsible only for themselves on New Earth for such a prolonged period of time. However, when human beings have broken off a sexual relationship but are forced to interact as colleagues later on, as in the case of a command team, awkwardness with each other may be expected. The dangers to a ship's crew, should matters become tense between former lovers, may be why the protocol was initiated in the first place. I chose to remain silent and refused to support either side in their discussion.


	4. Memory Retention

**Stardate 49939**

I thought I had retained all the memories from both of my fathers up to the day of my creation, but that does not seem to be the case. Perhaps I should have realized this was happening when I did not recall why there was only one B'Elanna Torres on board _Voyager_ , after she told me about her duplication by the Vidiians. I remembered she had been split into two people, but not that the chief engineer's Klingon counterpart had been killed when Chakotay rescued the away team - or what was left of it. Lieutenant Peter Durst had been killed by the Vidiians for his organs.

The Doctor told me I should not be alarmed. It is common for humanoids to experience the fading of some memories if they are not suitably reinforced. He was quite proud of the fact that since he is a holographic program, all of his are contained in _Voyager's_ computer. He stated that his memory will remain as sharp as it was on the day of his creation until such time as his program degrades irreparably - which he anticipates will not occur for centuries. I reminded him that if _Voyager_ is destroyed, this will not be true. Then, like all the organic beings dwelling on this ship, he, too, will die. The Doctor was not pleased by this observation, but he granted it was a valid one.

At any rate, he evaluated the state of my memory. He found no evidence of any loss regarding the aspects of the tasks for which I am responsible as Lieutenant (j.g.) Tuvix. My grasp of the laws and regulations applying to a Starfleet officer, especially those relating to my work in Tactical and Security, appears to be as secure as Father's.

When the Doctor examined me about Dad's area of expertise, I demonstrated the ability to recall specific details from all the recipes in Dad's repertoire about which the Doctor inquired. I was able to describe how I adjusted the seasonings of certain of Dad's specialties to suit the tastes of our Alpha Quadrant crew members. During those occasions I have taken a shift in the mess hall, when Dad has been away on a trading mission, I've received many compliments from the crew. The Doctor told me Captain Janeway admitted she actually prefers my cooking to Dad's. She would never say anything about that to Dad, however, because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. I assured the Doctor I certainly will never mention it to Dad, either, but I was pleased he relayed her comment to me. Since the Doctor is a holographic being, he cannot appreciate the taste of any food. Therefore, he is unable to give me his own opinion of my culinary expertise.

After I left Sickbay, I met up with Lieutenant Ayala. We were both assigned to _Voyager's_ security detail for the day. Before our shift began, I spoke with him about my memory concerns. Mr. Ayala reminded me that one reason we constantly drill security procedures and review specific tactics in meetings or in simulations is for precisely the reason the Doctor mentioned. Memories may not be retained if they are not reinforced regularly. Humans do this by reviewing what they've learned and studying anything that seems to be slipping away from them. Father does this through meditation, while Talaxians like Dad enjoy reminiscing about the past with their friends and families. Mr. Ayala told me humans like to "swap stories," too. He spends a lot of time with his Maquis friends, since they have a common history. They keep old memories alive by retelling them to each other from time to time.

Now that I know meditation may help me retain more of my memories, especially the ones I inherited from Father, I will work even more diligently to perfect these techniques. I believe Dad's method of reminiscing with others may also be beneficial. I always enjoy spending time with Dad and Kes, with Lieutenants Torres and Paris, and with Ensign Kim during my off-duty hours. I will make it a point to continue to do this every day, if possible.


	5. Orchids

=/\=

 **Stardate 50035.1**

It has been a very difficult few weeks.

The Kazon Nistrim, led by a former crew mate of _Voyager's_ , Seska, took over _Voyager_ and abandoned our crew on a desolate planet, called Hanon IV by the officers in Stellar Cartography. Now that we are back on board, I am again able to dictate entries into my personal log.

Hanon IV is not a pleasant place to live. Little Naomi Wildman, who is only a couple of months old, nearly lost her life because of the difficult conditions. Crewmen Hogan and Gaspar died on the planet, killed by predators. We all would have died if we'd remained there for long.

The planet's natives exist at a subsistence level, harvesting roots and other plants. They hunt small animals and must compete with the predators for the available food. While I was commended for my work foraging for food supplies with Father and Dad, there was little available to satisfy the palates of the crew. According to Ensign Megan Delaney of _Voyager's_ Stellar Cartography Department, there wasn't much for us to eat anywhere on this planet. She said Hanon IV was "L-Class," which means that while its air is breathable, and the planet can sustain life, the temperature variations are so extreme, the environment is considered "difficult." I must agree with her assessment.

With the help of Dad's friend Paxim and his convoy, Tom Paris retook _Voyager_. The Doctor and a Betazoid crewman named Suder assisted them. When Seska took over the ship, she'd forgotten all about him, so she didn't check to find out whether he'd left the ship with the rest of the crew.

Suder had been confined to his quarters ever since he murdered Crewman Darwin. Because this occurred before my advent, I never had reason to mention Suder or the unfortunate Crewman Darwin in my logs before now. Father had been utilizing mind melds to help Suder attain control of his murderous impulses since he was incarcerated. Father said he'd made a lot of progress over the past few months. He'd developed a passion for growing orchids, which he may have picked up from Father during the melds. Growing orchids is one of Father's hobbies.

Unfortunately, Suder was forced to kill again in the fight to take _Voyager_ back from the Kazon. He also lost his own life. Seska died, too, leaving behind her newborn child. She'd claimed Chakotay had fathered him, but when the Doctor examined the infant, he determined his genome is half Cardassian and half Kazon. The boy had no human DNA at all. Chakotay would have cared for the baby if he had been the father. Since he is not, the boy remained with the Kazon leader Maj Cullah, Seska's consort, who probably _is_ his natural parent.

Everyone has been pitching in to repair the ship. All our systems need some type of work because the Kazon did not utilize our equipment properly. I suspect this is one reason Tom was able to retake the ship. Tom is very brave and willing to risk his life for his fellow crew members, but with his only allies a murderer, a hologram, and a convoy of Talaxian ships (which are not well equipped with weapons), it was an amazing feat.

I've been spending all my shifts at tactical, either as an officer manning a station or working to restore our weaponry and equipment to its specified capacity. The Delta Quadrant is a very dangerous place at the best of times. Without proper defenses, we will not make it much further.

Dad and I shared a quick meal with Paxim on his ship, just before they left us to our repairs. I asked him about what he knew about the planet we designated "New Earth." He said he'd heard the weather there was extremely unpredictable. Violent plasma storms erupted with very little warning. While the captain and commander were there, one of the storms destroyed their medical equipment. Paxim always assumed the danger from the weather was why he'd been advised to remain on that planet only as long as it took to restock food supplies. Now that he knows of the danger posed by insect bites, Paxim said he would be sure to add a warning about them to anyone he tells about this planet's resources in the future. I asked him if he would risk going there again. Paxim said, "As long as anyone going down to the planet's surface wears clothing and face screens to guard against insect bites, why not? The need to bundle up that way would reduce the enjoyment of the 'pleasant environment,' of course, but it's better to be safe than exposed to danger. However aesthetically pleasing the place it might be, I wouldn't want to be forced to spend the rest of my life there!" Dad and I had to agree.

I was glad to hear Paxim had not deliberately concealed the danger from insects. Later, I thought about what he'd said. The Doctor could not discover the unexplained "factor" that protected an insect bite victim from the full effects of their infection. I wondered if those plasma storms might have been the key? A similar storm seemed to be a factor when I was duplicated. We had tried to recreate the conditions on Nervala IV, when Lieutenant Riker was duplicated, but none were successful until a storm approached the shuttle where Tom, B'Elanna and I were attempting to create my duplicate. A body might absorb an element released during the storm's electrical surges, which is very subtle and easily missed. I will have to discuss my theory with the Doctor. It could prove useful in the future when he's evaluating treatments for other conditions.

Although Father had no time to work with me on the skills while we were on Hanon IV, now that we're back on _Voyager_ , my studies in Vulcan mind control techniques have finally begun. I'm still unable to meld minds on my own. Father said not to worry if I cannot perform the procedure right away. It always takes time to learn how to do melds. He assures me that since he can reach me, I should be able to communicate with any person who is already of a telepathic species. I'm still concerned, however, because my research has revealed that even some full-blooded Vulcans are unable to learn the mind meld technique. Thanks to the influence of my other heritages, my brain is not structured in exactly the same way as Father's. Talaxian brains have notable differences from that of Vulcans. I cannot dismiss the effects the symbiogenetic orchid's genes might have had on my metabolism, either. I will try to be patient and work hard whenever Father does have time to work with me.

 **Addendum**

I have one more observation to make, of a somewhat ironic nature, which doesn't quite belong alongside the recording of several deaths. It has to do with the importance of orchids, of all things, when it comes to the members of my family. Father's hobby is growing orchids. And now both of us, and Dad, too, possess the DNA from a very singular species of orchid. I don't know if that fact will ever have any true significance, but I thought I should mention it here anyway, in case it ever does become important.

=/\=


	6. Memories: The Persistent and the Mutable

=/\=

 **Stardate 50126.1**

Father needed a volunteer to help him with a mind meld because he hasn't been feeling well. He explained that he has been experiencing visions of a human girl, hanging from a rocky precipice. When he tries to keep her from falling, he always fails. It happened very long ago, and he perceives he was a child when it happened. Since he has no conscious recall of this incident, however, he needs someone to help him sort through his memories to see if it real, and he is suppressing it, or if he is envisioning something he saw in the past which didn't happen to him personally. I told him I'd be happy to help him in any way I could, especially with a mind meld. I need the practice.

I tried, but I was as unsuccessful an independent observer as I am initiating a mind meld. Father had to do it. We share many of the same memories, but this vision was not one of them. We were able to confirm that this particular engram is missing from my brain. The Doctor suggested that, since I have been forming my own memories apart from Father's and Dad's for the past few months, it is possible this is one of the ones I "lost" because of a lack of reinforcement. The three of us discussed Father's options. I agree with Father. Captain Janeway is a better choice to work with him than I am. She knows Father very well, but she can provide perspective, which I could not. What she will see in his mind is either unknown to her, or it will be much different, since what she sees will be from Father's point of view, rather than her own.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50128.2**

After the mind melds with the captain revealed Father's problem, the EMH came to Dad and me and described what they'd found. Father's symptoms were caused by a very unusual virus lodged inside a false memory. Father was correct. He himself never experienced the girl falling. That image was where the memory virus was hidden. Father "caught" the virus when he went to assist a shipmate on the _Excelsior_ , Captain Sulu's ship. This was during Father's first period of Starfleet service, during his third decade of life. The next year he left Starfleet for over fifty years. Had he remained, it is likely he would be an admiral by now. Instead, he is still a lieutenant.

 _Voyager_ had encountered a nebula which looked quite similar to one which figured prominently in the events on the _Excelsior,_ which had resulted in Ensign Dimitri Valtane's death. This virus may be very old, passed down from one person to another on Earth for millennia before it was transferred to Father. The sight of this new nebula stimulated the memory cells containing the virus, causing Father's problems.

The Doctor checked Dad and me to see if we have the memory virus, too. The Doctor could not find any evidence it is active in either of us. The virus apparently bonded to a receptor from an orchid gene sequence when I was created, rendering it harmless. (I'm not sure what sort of memory engrams an orchid has, but I would be surprised if a visual image would serve as a trigger in any event. I've never heard of an orchid with organs of sight.)

When Neevok was split back into Tuvok and Neelix, the orchid gene sequence went to Dad's brain and was rendered harmless in him, too. When Father received a copy of the virus, he didn't receive the orchid DNA which protected Dad and me. To be sure neither of us would be affected by it in the future, however, or "just in case," as the Doctor put it, he treated both of us with the same thoron radiation which he used to eradicate all traces of the memory virus from Father.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50174**

Ensign Harry Kim and Lieutenant Tom Paris were held captive by a race called the Akritirians. They were accused of setting off a terrorist bomb. It was a ridiculous charge, and even more ridiculous that they were convicted. They were strangers in the vicinity, and that is apparently reason enough for the Akritirians to put a person in prison for the rest of their lives.

Even though Captain Janeway found out who the real culprits were and presented the evidence to the planetary officials, they had no intentions of freeing our crew members. Eventually, we discovered that the prison was an artificial satellite in space. Dad helped free them. He flew his Talaxian ship, the Baxial, to what he told the officials he thought was a "refueling station." In reality, he dropped off the captain, armed with a Very Large Gun, and an away team. Together, they rescued Harry and Tom.

It was lucky the rescue occurred when it did. The prisoners were fitted with an insidious device called "The Clamp," which induced paranoia and insanity. Apparently the "life sentences" weren't very long because the prisoners fought and killed each other. Tom was seriously injured by one of the other inmates.

I visited with Tom and Harry in Sickbay this evening. The Doctor confirmed that both will be fine once they receive decent nutrition and, in Tom's case, appropriate medical care. I brought them a nice, tasty stew I prepared. "Leola root-free," I assured them, "and light on the spices." They were _very_ appreciative.

Harry said he was very sorry he was "mean" to Tom. He broke a device Harry had fashioned, which permitted him to climb up the chute in the prison without being damaged by a pulse by a deadly forcefield. He used it to see if there was a way for them to escape, since they all thought the prison was located deep underground. No one suspected it was hanging in space. Tom had been seriously injured and was, as he put it, "totally out of it" when he broke the device. He told Harry he had no need to apologize for "being mean" to him.

"You want to know what I remember? Someone saying, 'This man is my friend. No one touches him.' I'll remember that for a long time."

=/\=

 **Stardate 50252.3**

Today we learned something quite upsetting. The Doctor's memory is NOT immune to fading after all. He will need closer supervision of any future additions to his program by Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres to prevent his program from degradation due to overloading.

Tom and B'Elanna were travelling in a shuttle, investigating unusual sensor readings, when aliens transported aboard and fired weapons on them. B'Elanna was able to recover well enough to bring the shuttle back to _Voyager_ , but Tom's motor cortex was severely damaged. When the Doctor began the reconstructive surgery Tom needed, he _forgot how to do it!_ Kes was able to guide the Doctor through the procedures necessary to repair Tom's injuries. Otherwise, he might not have survived. We all praised her, of course. I was tempted to call her "Mom," since she is my Dad Neelix's "significant other" and very close to Father Tuvok. She's only three years old, but she has what I've heard Tom say was an "old soul." I'm not sure I know what that means. I know I am only months old at this stage of my life, but I certainly look a lot older than Kes does. I'm not sure she would take me calling her "Mom" or "Mother" as a compliment. Someday I may ask her how she feels about it. But not today.

=/\=


	7. The Corporate Raider

=/\=

 **Stardate 50314**

I've had some difficulty "processing" the event that occurred recently. Amazingly, _Voyager_ returned to Earth! But it was the wrong century! And we've had to return to where we were when we first encountered the temporal anomaly. We're back in the Delta Quadrant, and in the 24th century, instead of orbiting Earth in 1996. Frankly, I'm glad, even though most of the crew wished didn't have to come all the way back to the Delta Quadrant. If this Captain Braxton had allowed us to remain in the Sol System, but in this century, this crew would have made it all the way home in less than three years.

I wasn't permitted to visit the surface. Only seven of the crew did, and for one, that wasn't the plan. The Doctor was abducted by Henry Starling, who was responsible for us being there - and then - in the first place. I stayed on board _Voyager_ and joined Dad and Kes in their assignment. We watched the "telly-vision" to see if there were any reports about the missing timeship, which was why we'd come. We were safe on the ship throughout the adventure, I'm happy to say. The people of Earth at this point in their history had never met any extraterrestrial aliens like the three of us. Father did have to go to Southern California, however, and from the way he was treated there, it made me wonder how well I would fit in with the people of Earth even now. Rain Robinson, who became involved with Father and Tom during the mission, called Father a "freakasaurus." It didn't seem to be a compliment. And a group of men who held Commander Chakotay and B'Elanna hostage for some reason I still can't understand were on the verge of killing them. Some sort of "government conspiracy? Like I said, I don't understand what they were so upset about.

Dad assures me that things are different in the 24th century, but I'm not so sure.

One good thing did come out of this adventure, however. Henry Starling had chanced upon the crashed timeship from the 29th century and stole advanced technology from it, which he adapted and sold to the people of Earth in his time. His corporate empire originated from these stolen goods, and he literally made a fortune. The Doctor was held captive and tortured by Starling and his crony, but when Starling wanted to transport the Doctor to a location that didn't have holoemitters installed, he gave the EMH a device from the 29th century which allows the Doctor to walk around anywhere. It's called, logically enough, a mobile emitter, and it isn't much bigger than one of our communication badges.

When Starling's plans went awry, our Doctor was able to keep the mobile emitter. The Doctor says he's now "footloose and fancy free." I hope he's careful with the device. B'Elanna barely understands the principles behind it and doesn't think she'd be able to fashion a replacement if it's lost or broken.

We learned something else because of this adventure. While many people still claim that time travel is an illusion (despite ample evidence that it is indeed possible), by the 29th century something called the Federation Temporal Police will exist. Temporal Mechanics is a subject taught at Starfleet Academy even now. In this course, the instructor notes that people usually don't know when a temporal incursion has happened. Everyone's memory of the old time stream is wiped out, and only the "new and current" timeline can be perceived. That's not true of this incident, however. We all remember what happened, and the Doctor now has a device from the 29th century he's been allowed to keep. Why? Was it a reward for preventing the destruction of the Sol System, which would have happened if we hadn't destroyed Starling and the timeship before he traveled to the 29th century, as he'd intended? We were never told anything about this by the Captain Braxton who sent us back to our current location in the Delta Quadrant, at the very time we left. He looked like the same Captain Braxton who confronted us, but this man claimed not to know anything at all about that other timestream.

My family and friends all assume we were allowed to remember what happened because some action or actions by _Voyager's_ crew are necessary to maintain (or perhaps, even create?) the time stream that led to the 29th century as it currently exists - or maybe I should say, "will exist?" (I understand why Captain Janeway says temporal paradoxes always give her a headache. It's hard to know how to express the concepts, let alone comprehend everything about them!) Or are there aspects of temporal paradoxes which we don't yet understand? Is it possible that those who cause a change in a timeline might remember what happened in both, since they're outside of the change when it happens? Wouldn't it be ironic if the true purpose of this adventure was that it was essential for our Doctor to receive his mobile emitter, for some as yet unknown reason? I guess we'll never know.

At any rate, Tom's friend Rain Robinson proposed the name "Mr. Leisure Suit" for our Doctor, since he was wearing our 24th century version of the Starfleet uniform when she met him. I wasn't sure what a leisure suit was, so I looked up the term in the database. Apparently it was a type of off-duty clothing that obtained a bad reputation back in the late 20th century. I couldn't find out why. I guess it wasn't any more flattering a name for our Doctor than "Freakasaurus" was for Father. I shudder to think what Rain Robinson would have called Dad or me if she'd met us. "Whiskery Freakasaurus" or just "Whiskers," I suspect.

Dad would probably laugh it off - and would tell me to do the same. I do see the humor, but I guess I'm Vulcan enough to find it difficult to laugh at it myself.

Or to laugh _at_ myself, I suppose. That's really the point, isn't it?

=/\=


	8. Heartsickness and Viral Maladies

=/\=

 **Stardate 50352**

Something terrible has happened, and Dad is heartbroken.

Kes's mind and body were taken over by an alien named Tieran. For two hundred years, the alien had traveled from host to host to maintain his mental life. Once he reached his home planet, Ilaria, this Tieran instigated a revolt, while inside Kes' body and mind, by murdering its current rightful ruler. He turned the ruler's sons against each other. Before anyone knew Kes was not controlling her own actions, she ended her romance with Dad. Eventually, the crew overcame Kes, and Tieran's consciousness finally died as completely as his body did two centuries ago.

I was one of the Security officers on duty during these events. As a result, I learned about what was occurring as soon as any of the rest of our crew, including Father, learned of it. He was held prisoner by Tieran for a while on Ilaria. It was difficult for me to maintain my focus on my duties while he was a captive, but I'm glad to say I did well. Once the incident ended and Kes returned to _Voyager_ , I assumed she would apologize to Dad and resume their romantic partnership.

I was wrong. Kes decided she wanted to be free to enter into other relationships, if she chose. Dad, needless to say, was devastated. I commiserated with him and told him that it was likely Kes would recover her sanity eventually. She'd realize she'd made a mistake and would come back to him. He's talked things over with her, however, and he isn't confident they'll get back together again. As he pointed out to me, their relationship began when Kes was barely a year old. Ocampa have an average lifespan of only nine years, so, while she was mature enough for a sexual relationship according to the way the Ocampa live their lives, it's very young for her to be bonded for life to another person. She's already had a "false" _elogium_. Even though that happened through unique outside influences, Kes believes she may never have a "real" _elogium_. If she never will have a child now, Kes told Dad, she doesn't really need a mate for life, either.

Dad feels she's a "different" Kes since this horrible experience. Kes has been meditating with Father, but she hasn't been able to get past her memories of the things she did when she was possessed by Tieran. "She doesn't want an old Talaxian for a mate anymore, even if I am still crazy about her," Dad told me sadly.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50425**

While Dad was away with the captain, meeting a species known as the Tak Tak, everyone got sick, including me. Even the bioneural gel packs running the ship became infected by a virus that started out very small, but quickly grew to tremendous size. It was awful when those big things buzzed around us and herded us together. I thought I was hallucinating, but I was not.

Dad was infected when he returned to the ship with the captain. Actually, the captain caught the virus, too, but the Doctor had developed an antigen which he administered to her. He hadn't given it to any of us because he couldn't reach us. The huge viruses viciously attacked him whenever he tried. The antigen cured her, so she was able to set a plan in motion to get rid of the creatures permanently.

The Doctor reported that when these "macroviruses" tried to sting him, all they could do was make his photons flicker a bit. I think he was more worried about damage to his mobile emitter than he was of the creatures' attacks on his own form. Because of the way they went after the Doctor, however, the captain surmised the organisms were attracted to infrared radiation. Dad's holodeck resort program's holocharacters emit a great deal of infrared radiation when their programs are active. The captain opened the doors while the program was running, encouraging all the viruses to congregate there. It must have been very frustrating for these creatures when they were unable to incapacitate the holodeck characters. Once the captain judged all of them were on the holodeck, she released an "antigen bomb." That killed all of the organisms of any size at once. As soon as the environmental control system came back on line, more antigen was released though the vents, which took care of any small viruses which might not have traveled to the holodeck.

The Doctor and the captain administered the antigen to all of our crew, including me. It worked very quickly, I must say. I was feeling much better within a few minutes.

Once the illness was cured and the macrovirus population eliminated, we were actually more in danger from the Tak Tak. They communicate by gestures and can be offended by any offhand movement. Captain Janeway's habit of placing her hands on her hips was apparently some sort of profane comment in their language. The Tak Tak have a terrible fear of any infection (perhaps they've encountered these macroviruses before) and always "cleanse" any area they suspect has been affected by a disease. _Voyager_ and her crew were almost "cleansed" into oblivion. It took a little time, but the captain was finally able to convince them that we'd dealt with the problem and were no longer carriers of any disease. They finally let us go.

The Delta Quadrant, I must admit, does have some very strange inhabitants.

=/\=


	9. Marayna

=/\=

 **Stardate 50461**

The captain has halted our progress towards the Alpha Quadrant and changed course so that we may study a unique celestial phenomenon. Inversion nebulas are inherently very unstable. They usually dissipate in a few years after their formation, yet the one we're investigating now appears to have been in place for centuries. Plasma streams in an inversion nebula ignite, which causes much of their surrounding gases to burn up as well. No intact inversion nebula has ever been discovered in the Alpha Quadrant. A couple existed briefly in the Beta Quadrant. What is known about them up to now comes from what was learned before they disappeared. As soon as we discovered this one, the captain changed our course in her eagerness to study it at close quarters. Although the plasma streams ignite fairly frequently here, they never seem to blaze up so much that they completely consume their immediate surroundings. Some sort of natural phenomenon must dampen the reactions before they reach critical stage. We're fortunate to have found this one.

All nebulas, in my experience, are quite beautiful, but this one is spectacular. The swirling gases emit light in various subtle hues, punctuated by bright flashes of intense flames whenever a plasma stream ignites. While the members of our crew have often expressed displeasure when the scientist in our captain causes her to go off on a tangent to study something she's never seen before, I haven't heard any complaints about this particular side trip. Everyone seems happy to have something so beautiful - and non-lethal - to investigate!

=/\=

 **Stardate 50465**

Dad hosted a luau in his resort tonight, and I must say, I had a very good time. Some of the Polynesian holocharacters are a lot of fun. I went around barefoot as a joke. My feet, fortunately, look more Vulcan than Talaxian. I have a little hair on my toes, but not that much. Dad's feet - well, the less said, the better! Dad had fun with the hostesses, too. He's trying very hard to get over his breakup with Kes, although I don't think he's been able to fully accept what's happened. As far as he's concerned, she's no longer possessed by Tieran, so there's no reason for them not to be togther. I guess it will take time for him to get over it. I've offered to share some of Father's meditation techniques with Dad, but he hasn't been willing to take me up on that as of yet. I'll keep trying. It won't hurt to tone down _some_ of that Talaxian exuberance, although I don't want him to go "all Vulcan" on us, either.

I don't think my friends Tom and Harry had very great times, either. Harry left early, right after he noticed Father playing _Kal-toh_ with the holodeck windsailing instructor, Marayna. I'm afraid Harry has a big crush on her. He shouldn't worry about them! Father is married! He was simply taking part in an activity he really hadn't wanted to attend, which was forced upon him by Captain Janeway. I thought it was very nice of the Marayna holocharacter to offer Father an opportunity to engage in an activity that's a favorite of his, instead of standing in the corner being annoyed at having to be there. (I know, Father would never admit to being annoyed, but he would have been. Truly!) I suppose Marayna and the other holodeck characters are programmed to provide the resort guests a choice of activities according to their established preferences.

Tom has a crush on someone, too. He's been asking B'Elanna out on dinner dates quite frequently. So far, she's turned him down every time, although she's consented to lunch dates when she isn't too busy in Engineering to take a break. That means they're with Harry, most of the time. Harry and B'Elanna have been friends from the very beginning of _Voyager's_ journey, when they were held captive together in the Ocampa caverns by the Caretaker. They even have cute nicknames for each other. Harry is "Starfleet" and B'Elanna is "Maquis." Since Harry has never followed up on asking B'Elanna for dates, however, Tom has never seen him as a threat.

Unfortunately for Tom, Ensign Vorik had already reserved a table for B'Elanna and himself at the resort. The table had a view of the lake which B'Elanna admired a few days ago - and it was a table for two. I could see Tom was disappointed. Since Harry wasn't there for him to hang out with, Tom left early, too.

When I went over to say hello to B'Elanna and Vorik, the ensign became, I must say, quite possessive of B'Elanna. He made it very clear to me that he wanted me to go away, so, after a very short conversation, consisting of a variety of social greetings and platitudes, I took my leave. That's when the holodeck hostess Tiana came over to me, threw a second lei around my neck, and drew me to the food and drinks table. After I'd sampled some of the dishes, she pulled me over to where many of the crew and holodeck characters were dancing to Polynesian music. Watching Dad trying to do the hula was priceless. After a while, the musicians started playing Calypso music. I attempted the Limbo, which involves bending backward while dancing under a pole. I fell on my posterior twice before giving up.

I'm glad our drinks were all syntheholic, that's all I'll say about that. I was pretty fuzzy headed by the end of the evening as it was. Distilled spirits would have been overkill!

After I returned to my quarters, I meditated for a while on many subjects, but primarily, about interpersonal relationships in general, and romance, in particular. There's as much pain as pleasure involved, I fear, when people open themselves to romance. It's very difficult for humans, Talaxians, Vulcans, and half-Klingons to find that one person to love, as I know now from observing Dad's struggles to get over Kes (and, to a lesser extent, because of Father's mourning for the absence of T'Pel). I haven't become close enough with any of our Bolians or Bajorans as of yet to feel comfortable questioning them about the subject, but I suspect they have just as much trouble with romance as the rest of us.

I don't know if I will be subject to the Vulcan _pon farr_ because of my inheritance from Father, or if I will be free to pursue relationships any time I choose, the way Dad and other Talaxians do. It's probably best for me to wait before exploring single-cell sexual reproduction in any case. I still have so much to learn about myself, considering how unique I am, that it wouldn't be fair to involve another person in my life right now. I'm simply not ready for that sort of relationship. As long as I have Dad and Father to help me, I'm sure I'll find my way eventually.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50470**

Oh, my! We were all so wrong about Marayna. She's not a holodeck character at all. She's an alien scientist who mans a station which maintains the inverse nebula. It remains in existence because Marayna, and other scientists before her, have learned how to stop the plasma flares from reaching a critical level. They preserve the beautiful views so that visitors from her own planet and, of course, passers-by like ourselves, can enjoy them.

We learned all this because Marayna became obsessed with Father. She took over the holodeck controls to force him to visit her. Basically, she kidnapped him. Marayna is all alone on her station. When our ship stopped nearby, she found a way to inhabit one of the holodeck characters, initially, just for a diversion. While there, she fell in love with Father. When he came to her station, she tried to convince him to stay with her. Father pointed out that she's simply lonely. What she really needs is the company "of her own kind." He explained that he has a wife and children in the Alpha Quadrant that he needs to see again, and that it's prudent for him to stay with his son on _Voyager_ , too. He told her about me, saying that while his son may look fully grown, he's only been an independent being for a short time and still requires his Father's guidance. After he finished, she reluctantly allowed him to return to _Voyager_.

I hope Marayna takes Father's advice to take a vacation from the station. Perhaps she can find a partner who would be willing to share life on the station with her. There must be at least one other scientist who wouldn't mind working in one of the most beautiful places in the galaxy.

=/\=


	10. The Nekrit Expanse Supply Depot

=/\=

 **Stardate 50479**

We've arrived at the Necrit Expanse. It's in the way of _Voyager's_ path towards the Alpha Quadrant, but it's so big, Captain Janeway will want to find a way through it instead of going around it. We're in need of supplies, and there's a space station not far into it were we may be able to secure what we need. The captain will expect Dad's help in these endeavors.

From the memories I inherited from Dad, however, I know that as of my advent, he didn't know much about the Necrit Expanse or the area of space beyond it. He's been on some missions, such as the recent one to trade with the Tak Tak, where he might have increased his knowledge of this region, but if he has, he hasn't shared that information with me. I suspect he has not, since he's been acting atypically for the past few weeks. He's been training to join Father and me in the Security Department. I've been helping him memorize regulations, and when time permits, Father has completed some run-throughs with him, going over special procedures. He's doing well with the training, but he's not ready to become part of Father's team quite yet.

I know he's still upset about what happened with Kes. She seems to be avoiding him. I spend as much time with him as I can, but it doesn't seem to be enough. He's been talking a lot about cartography lately. I'm not sure why he's so fixated on maps all of a sudden. Maybe he's nervous about not knowing exactly which path to advise the captain to take after we leave the station. It's unnerving when a ship's morale officer suffers from a loss of morale. That's what I'm seeing right now. I hope he gets over it soon.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50482**

Wixiban is on this station. Now I'm concerned about a lot more than just a loss of morale. Wix is "very bad news," as Tom would put it. He's been in trouble with Dad in the past. One of the reasons Dad was taken aback when I told him I possessed "all his memories" when we first met in Sickbay was that he realized I knew of all the shadier aspects of his history. His life, before he met Kes and they came on _Voyager_ , was full of pain and loss. Some of the pain was of his own making, I'm afraid. I know I don't have all of his memories any more. I've lost many of them, from Father as well as Dad. Unfortunately, I remember Wix all too well. To say he's a bad influence on Dad is the understatement of the year.

I'm worried, but without anything concrete to go on, I don't know what, if anything, I should say to Father. If I don't tell him anything, and something bad happens, I will be derelict in my duty. However, I don't _know_ that Wix is involved in anything illicit now. Dad has turned his life around since he came to _Voyager_. Maybe Wix has done the same since he came to this station.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50484**

I didn't hear about Dad's trip with Wix in one of _Voyager's_ shuttle until after they'd left. It's a humanitarian mission, fetching medicine from a supplier, Commander Chakotay told me, so I shouldn't be upset. I wouldn't be upset if it really _IS_ a humanitarian mission, and not a scam engineered by Wix. I'm sure Dad wouldn't get involved with anything illegal if he knew Wix had such plans, but what if he doesn't know? Our first officer gave his permission for them to take one of our shuttles. He trusts them to do the right thing.

I wish I did.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50485**

There's been a murder on the station. Since the murder weapon had a _Voyager_ phaser signature, Father has been part of the team investigating the crime. I went to Father as soon as I learned this and told him about Dad's past ties with Wix. In detail. Father said he already knew they'd shared a past. They had been quite open with Commander Chakotay about being old friends. The Supply Depot administrator, Bharat, has had his eye on Wix ever since he was forced to impound Wix's vessel some time ago for non-payment of certain fees. While Wix and Dad took a shuttle on their mission to obtain medicine from a trader some distance away, Father said they hadn't had access to the phasers locked away on the shuttle the pair utilized.

I wasn't particularly satisfied by Father's answer, and I told him so. It wouldn't be that difficult for Dad to obtain a phaser. Everyone on board, except for little Naomi, of course, has access to phasers from the weapons lockers in case of emergency. The major weapons the crew calls "Action Kate Specials" (behind the captain's back) can't be obtained without clearance from authorized personnel, but that's not the type of weapon used in this crime. Wix visited Dad on _Voyager_ when he delivered the spindle bearings he found for us. I wouldn't put it past him to lift one of our phasers then, without Dad's knowledge. Dad's been studying security procedures, but I'm afraid he sometimes overlooks the obvious.

Father told me Wix and Dad had already been interviewed about what they knew of the crime. Bharat considered their answers satisfactory. Since I came to Father with more detailed information about exactly how Wixiban and Dad were connected, however, he said he would still consider them "persons of interest" until the actual perpetrators are apprehended.

 **Addendum**

Bharat, the station administrator, has arrested Commander Chakotay and Tom for the murder! It's ludicrous. I know they weren't involved. The only evidence seems to be from a security camera recording of an encounter they had with the murder victim on the station's main promenade several days ago. The victim was suspected by some on the station of being a dealer in drugs (even though Bharat insists his station is "clean"). I cannot believe either of our senior officers would be involved with him. Chakotay and Tom insist they told him they weren't interested in the goods he was selling when he approached them.

I immediately thought about the "medicine" Wix and Dad went to buy on their "humanitarian mission." I wanted to speak with Dad, but I haven't been able to reach him. If he does know anything about this crime, he needs to speak with Father immediately! I wanted to discuss this further with Father, too, but he's on the station and isn't available for the private talk I'd like to have with him at the moment.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50487**

The crimes have been solved, and Tom and the Commander have been released from custody. My fears about Dad and Wix being involved were confirmed, unfortunately, but while they were guilty of transporting illicit "medicine" to the supply depot, they didn't commit a murder. Well, Wix did kill the drug dealer, but the victim opened fire on Wix and Dad first, to murder _them_ rather than pay for the drugs they'd obtained for him at his request. Wix fired in self-defense. Administer Bharat was still going to sentence them to fifty years in cryostasis for drug trafficking, but Dad suggested a plan that would help Bharat get that clean station he was telling everyone he had at the Supply Depot, as long as Wix and Dad would receive pardons in exchange for their participation.

Wix informed Bharat that many illicit activities have been going on right under his nose. The criminals had gained access to the station security cameras. By substituting old, unremarkable recordings for live feeds, they managed to hide their nefarious deeds from Bharat. The drug cartel which supplied the drugs to Wix wanted payment in the form of _Voyager's_ warp plasma. When Wix wanted Dad to steal some, he refused to go along with Wix's plans any longer. Dad wanted to help put the cartel out of business permanently. Fifty years in cryostasis, at a minimum, would certainly keep them from plaguing Bharat's station for a very long time.

When the criminal gang showed up and demanded the warp plasma payment, Dad announced they were under arrest. He warned them that he'd allowed a little of the warp plasma to leak out of its storage container. If the criminals tried to resist arrest and fired at them, all of them might blow up. One of the gang was stupid enough to think Dad was bluffing. He wasn't. When that gang member shot at Dad, he immolated himself by igniting the plasma in the air. Everyone in the area got a little scorched, including Dad; but Bharat and his team arrested the entire gang.

When I tried to contact Father on the station and couldn't get through, they were concocting this scheme. The matter has now been resolved to Bharat's satisfaction. The criminals are in custody, and he's learned how they were subverting his efforts to keep his station free of any such elements. One of the station staff, who was in position to switch the live feed to a recording, was arrested as an accessory to their crimes. He'll be in cryostasis for decades, too.

Since the murder was proven to be a matter of self-defense (a clear recording of what actually happened when the drug dealer died was recovered when the station employee was arrested), and in view of their assistance with the gang arrests, Wix and Dad received their pardons on drug charges. Wix was given his ship back, and he's already left the station. I suspect Bharat was eager to get rid of him. I know he told Wixiban in no uncertain terms never to show his face on the Nekrit Expanse Supply Depot again.

While Dad acted bravely and helped with the gang's apprehension, which earned him his pardon from Bharat, he was still in deep trouble with Captain Janeway. He finally admitted why he'd been acting so strangely. His interest in maps stemmed from his desire to continue functioning as _Voyager's_ guide. As I thought, he's reached the limits of his knowledge. We're all flying blind now, so to speak, since Bharat confirmed that there really aren't any maps of the Expanse. It shifts constantly. The only safe way to travel through it is by proceeding with caution, scanning all of the time to identify any obstacles or dangers in the way.

The captain sentenced Dad to scrubbing the ship's exhaust manifolds for the next two weeks. (That's a thankless task, as I know from a memory of Father's, when he was forced to do it for a shift years ago. In his case, it wasn't a punishment. Everyone on that ship had to take a turn.)

I think Dad is the only person who was ever happy to be assigned that task. He wants something to keep him on _Voyager_. Scrubbing exhaust manifolds will do that for him, to be sure.

Dad wants to be a Security officer, but that may be out of his reach now. I imagine Father will allow him to participate in emergency drills and volunteer for search and rescue operations and such, especially when we're short-handed, but as a regular assignment, I don't expect Father will be able to justify taking him on. Maybe Dad will be a better morale officer, now that he knows the captain has no plans to kick him off _Voyager,_ even though he can't be her guide through the Delta Quadrant anymore.

I went to Father and apologized for not warning him sooner about the specific kinds of activities in which Wix and Dad had been involved. Father accepted my apology, but he admitted he should have taken my warnings about Wix's possible access to Starfleet phasers more seriously when I first mentioned them. However, he also told me I cannot take it upon myself to anticipate what either of my fathers may do in any given situation at this point in time. While I share many of the memories formed by my parents up to the day of my advent, for some time now I've been my own person. They've moved on with their lives, too. They've formed new memories as a consequence of the experiences and decisions they've made since Stardate 49659, they day I first met them. I gave Dad the benefit of the doubt when I didn't reveal what I knew of his past activities as soon as I learned Wix was on the station. He cannot fault me for this, even though my initial misgivings were proven to be all too valid.

Father Tuvok assured me that if I ever want to discuss my concerns in the future, especially if they are related to Security matters, he is here for me. He added that my overall performance in his department has been "more than adequate." From Father, that is high praise, indeed.

=/\=


	11. Gallicite Lust

**=/\=**

 **Stardate 50539**

Our scans indicate that there is a large quantity of gallicite to be found in one of the planets in the system we're approaching. The planet is unnamed, according to Dad's information, and it's currently uninhabited. I volunteered to be part of the away team B'Elanna's leading. Dad has had experience working in a mining colony, and I thought my memories of his time there would qualify me, as well. B'Elanna chose Dad to be part of the team, but she named Tom and Ensign Vorik to go along instead of me. When I heard she'd thrown Vorik off the away team, I tried to contact her to offer my services again, but I couldn't get hold of her before the away team transported down to the planet's surface.

As it turned out, my rock climbing skills were called upon a very short time later. The piton on Dad's ropes failed, and when he fell, he carried B'Elanna down with him. Dad's leg was broken. I was tabbed to be part of the team that brought him up to _Voyager_ for treatment. I remained with Dad in Sickbay while the Doctor knitted his femur together with his osteogenic stimulator. After the Doctor finished the procedure, he asked me to remain with Dad while he dealt with another medical crisis. Father had stayed behind in the caverns with Chakotay and Tom to look for B'Elanna, who'd run off before we arrived. Since I wasn't due to go on duty until Gamma shift, I was happy to remain with Dad while he rested from his ordeal.

The Doctor follows medical confidentiality protocols quite stringently, but he sometimes has a tendency to be a little too fond of his own voice. In other words, his volume goes up much higher than it should when he's conversing with someone - particularly Captain Janeway. Perhaps if I were a human, it wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have been able to hear his discussion with the captain about Ensign Vorik's symptoms, but Vulcan ears are shaped the way they are because in ancient times, the fittest often survived if their hearing was sharp enough to avoid becoming a _sehlat's_ dinner. My hearing is very sharp.

When I was beneath the planet's surface, while we were getting Dad in the harness to bring him back to the surface, I heard enough from Father's conversation with Tom to realize Ensign Vorik had lost his place on the away team due to the fact that he was entering his first _pon farr_. I know all about that, of course, because of the memories I share with my Vulcan parent. I realized Vorik's possessiveness towards B'Elanna at the luau meant he'd already decided she would be an appropriate mate for him. I overheard the Doctor tell the captain Vorik had made the mistake of trying to initiate a mind meld with B'Elanna to bond with her - without her permission. She forcefully rejected him (breaking his jaw in the process) and tossed him off her team. But enough of the bond must have been initiated to transfer the _pon farr_ to her, too. She didn't choose Vorik to be her mate, however. When she bit Tom Paris on the cheek, according to Klingon tradition, she was claiming _him_ for her own.

What a mess! Vorik managed to get down to the surface after all - after disabling the transporter, the communication system, and the other shuttles - and tried to attack B'Elanna again. A very bad move. If she's committed herself to Tom, as she surely did with that bite on his cheek, she'd never accept anyone else for her mate.

B'Elanna fought Vorik for the right to choose her own partner and won. That's not surprising to me at all. As strong as Vulcan men are, Klingon women have the reputation of being even stronger - or so my memories from Father attest.

And, of course, Vorik is now in very hot water with the captain, not only for his sexual harassment of B'Elanna, but also because he disabled so many of _Voyager's_ systems to prevent anyone coming down and interfering with his quest for sexual fulfillment. I haven't heard what sort of punishment he'll face, but I can't believe he'll get off easily. Captain Janeway will impose something more severe than the simple embarrassment he's already facing, now that everyone on the ship seems to know he created all the engineering problems our crew had to spend hours repairing. I find it quite interesting, however, that what happened between Tom and B'Elanna when they were alone in the caverns has _NOT_ become the subject of rumor. Father and the command team seem to have found a way to hide Vorik's _pon farr_ from most of the crew. The ones who do know, like Father and myself, aren't talking about it. I can't say I'm not _thinking_ about it, though.

I wonder, does this mean Tom and B'Elanna will get married? No one has paired off on _Voyager_ up to now, but from the way Tom has been mooning over B'Elanna recently, I'm sure he'd jump at the chance to become her partner in life, whether it's in the Klingon way or the human.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50444**

Well, I don't anticipate a wedding on _Voyager_ anytime in the near future. B'Elanna has been avoiding Tom - and everyone else, too. After her injuries were healed, she stormed out of Sickbay before the Doctor finished discharging her. I'm not sure where she hides out when she's not in Engineering. Her quarters, I surmise. She must be taking her meals there, too, because I haven't caught a glimpse of her anywhere but in Engineering over the past couple of days.

We're all very busy, of course. The Sakari have been giving us the gallicite we need, in exchange for our assistance hiding their presence from anyone else who might come calling. We've increased their shielding capability by providing them with a supply of magnesite we mined from a nearby moon. Scanners can't penetrate magnesite. Panels of the substance are being used on the ceilings of the caverns in which the mineral is located, whether in its natural form, or over those the Sakari occupy. They utilize gallicite for their power conduits. After we're done, it will be almost impossible to detect this rare, desirable mineral, which might attract attention from other unwanted visitors. They've already been very successful disguising their life signs. Even our scanning devices didn't reveal their presence in the caverns when _Voyager_ was in orbit above their planet.

I don't believe I've mentioned the Sakari by name in my logs before. Their people were attacked some years ago without any warning. The ruins on the surface of their planet are all that remain above the ground of a once thriving civilization. Fortunately, enough of their populace managed to escape down the mines so their race wasn't extinguished. When Father, Chakotay, and Tom were discovered by the Sakari, they tried to make the best of a very unexpected First Contact mission. Unfortunately, B'Elanna was in the throes of a bad case of "blood fever" (a common translation of _pon farr_ into Federation Standard). She became agitated; there was a seismic event; and, to utilize a common cliché, "all Hell broke loose."

Eventually, all of them found their way out of the caverns. Yesterday, Tom admitted that B'Elanna could have resolved her "blood fever" with him. They were cut off from Father and Chakotay and lost in the caverns for a time. He was afraid it would ruin their friendship if they did. From the look on his face when he said this, I could tell it wasn't their friendship he was afraid of ruining. Tom loves B'Elanna! And now he's afraid he's lost her because he didn't take advantage of her when she was just about out of her mind. I understand completely how difficult it must have been for her. I try not to access Father's memories of his _pon farrs_ , but though I seem to have forgotten many of the memories I inherited from him when I was formed, those are still annoyingly clear. Perhaps when I find a spouse of my own, my personal memories will supersede his. I certainly hope so!

 **Addendum**

Two things have just happened which are important enough for me to add to this entry.

One is that Tom encountered B'Elanna on the turbolift this afternoon. He believes they've "cleared the air" a little, and he thinks their friendship isn't over after all. After he told her he would still like a real relationship with her (he didn't tell me exactly what he said to her, but that's the gist of it), she told him to be "careful what he wished for." That sounded promising to me. I shared that perception with Tom. He seemed much happier after I said that to him.

Right after Tom and I spoke, however, the captain made an announcement. We know the identity of the raiders who attacked the Sakari and forced them to live underground.

It's the Borg.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50477**

Last night, Tom invited me to participate in a holodeck program he's visited from time to time. It's set on Earth, during the middle of the 20th century. It's based upon a novel written by the daughter of two of the people who lived through a serious conflict known as the World War II. We played American soldiers named Lieutenant Bobby Davis and Captain Charles Miller. Tom let me be the captain during that chapter. We led an invasion force into the French town of Sainte-Claire. The scenario was quite violent, with all of the shootings, bombings and explosions, etc., but it had a calmer and serious side, too.

One of the French Resistance Fighters fighting alongside us was a pregnant woman named Brigitte. After we left the scenario, I mentioned that she looked a little like B'Elanna Torres, or what she might look like if she wasn't Klingon. Tom stopped suddenly and asked me, "Do you really think so?" I said I did. He grimaced a little, and then he admitted that he'd programmed Brigitte's face to resemble the human B'Elanna's, after the mad Vidiian doctor captured her and split her into two people, one all human, and the other, all Klingon. I knew about that, of course. It was one example of the ways people have been duplicated which encouraged us to try to find a way to duplicate me. We were successful, and we did get Dad and Father back - although it was at the expense of my twin Neevok's life .

I suggested Tom might want to change that face, just in case B'Elanna ever tried to access this program - particularly since their relationship after the Sakari incident is still a little unsettled. I wasn't sure how she'd take it if she recognized herself - or a form of herself, at any rate - in a holodeck program. He agreed that might be a good idea.

=/\=


	12. Cooperative Ventures

=/\=

 **Stardate 50617**

Ensign Marie Kaplan's memorial service was held today. We couldn't hold a funeral, since we were unable to recover her mortal remains. Commander Chakotay and Ensign Kaplan, who were in a shuttle, scouting a path through the Nekrit Expanse, responded to a distress signal from a planet nearby. When they landed, they were immediately attacked. Chakotay was rescued by a competing group, but Marie was killed.

Sometime later, Chakotay learned that the group which saved him were former Borg who had been disconnected from the Hive mind. Their cube had been damaged by an electro-kinetic storm. The group used a mental link with the commander to heal him of his injuries, and he became quite friendly with one of them, an attractive human woman named Riley Frazier. He later learned that Riley had been a Starfleet science officer who was assimilated by the Collective at Wolf 359.

While Chakotay was on the planet, _Voyager_ encountered the disabled Borg cube. The away team brought back one of the drones who had not survived the electro-kinetic power surge, but whose body had been perfectly preserved by the vacuum and frigid conditions of space. While the Doctor was examining the body, he accidentally reactivated it. If this drone, which had been dead for five years, could have its original settings restored and was brought back to life so easily, the possibility that we could face a reactivated Borg cube was all too probable.

I was part of a security detail shadowing Dr. Frazier when she came on board to meet with Captain Janeway. She requested our help, because her group, "the Cooperative," was trying to build a life on this planet for themselves, while other groups were in conflict with them. It was one of the other groups who had killed poor Marie. What she wanted the captain to do, however, was to briefly turn on a neuro-electric field generator on the Borg cube. This would permit her Cooperative to communicate again in a Hive mind. She promised that this time, they would be answerable only to the people on their own planet. Of course, if this was done, the other groups, willing or not, would also become linked with their Cooperative. While the fighting would stop, the others would be unable to refuse this link, any more than they'd been able to refuse to be assimilated.

After the experience the Doctor, Kes, and B'Elanna had with a supposedly dead drone in Sickbay, Captain Janeway was quite understandably unwilling to agree to Dr. Frazier's proposal. She _was_ willing to provide them with medical supplies and with assistance upgrading their security systems. She also offered to bring anyone on board who expressed a desire to travel back to the Alpha Quadrant with us. Turning on the cube's systems, however, even for a few seconds, was out of the question.

Dr. Riley seemed to accept this decision with grace. She chatted quite amiably with me as we walked towards the shuttle bay with the commander, B'Elanna, and Dad. B'Elanna, Dad and I were going along to help with the security upgrades. Because of the volume of supplies the captain was sending with us, we took two of our shuttles. Dad and I were in one, and Dr. Frazier, Commander Chakotay, and B'Elanna, the other.

The former Borg in Dr. Frazier's group were all quite friendly. I enjoyed working with them. They had a great deal of knowledge about their systems; what they lacked were the actual parts or a good way to make them. We replicated quite a bit of what was missing, and they were very appreciative.

Dad and I lifted off from the planet first. We expected to see the commander and B'Elanna's shuttle arrive right after ours did, but when we exited our vehicle, we discovered theirs had changed direction and had headed towards the disabled cube instead. The captain ordered _Voyager_ on an intercept course. The commander had already transported over to the cube before we could tractor his shuttle back to _Voyager_. I joined a security team led by Father and Harry that beamed over to the cube to capture the commander. We couldn't reach him until after he'd turned the cube's systems back on. The cube - and its inhabitants, who had been dead seconds before - came back to life.

We retrieved the commander and beamed back to _Voyager_ , expecting to be engaged immediately in a fight with the Borg. Before the cube made any aggressive moves against us, however, it self-destructed.

The Cooperative sent the captain a message: They'd ordered the cube to self-destruct as soon as they'd determined our ship was far enough away to escape damage and they'd established their link. The 80,000 former drones on the planet are again linked together, as one "cooperative" entitiy. The link Dr. Frazier's group had established with Commander Chakotay to heal him - and to make use of him without his consent - has been severed, or so they said. In that eerie collective voice of the Borg, they "thanked us for our help."

Father told me the commander feels humiliated by the way Dr. Frazier and her friends used him to further their own ends. Ensign Marie Kaplan's life was sacrificed so that another hive mind of Borg could be established. The Cooperative _says_ they wish to remain independent of the rest of the Collective. Forgive me if I fail to be comforted. While they treated Commander Chakotay with compassion, they also forced him to do their will when they couldn't get the captain to agree to their plans. It sounds a lot like the Collective itself. I hope they do stay on their planet and concentrate on building their ideal, independently-functioning Borg "Cooperative" - and leave the rest of the galaxy alone. We shall see.

The one positive aspect of this whole affair has to be the knowledge we've gained about how a Borg cube and its drones actually operate. At this point, our Doctor has dismembered his specimen and is very hard at work investigating its hardware, especially its nanoprobes, to determine how they function, particularly in regards to the assimilation process itself. We've already updated the Starfleet database, adding a wealth of information that the crew of the USS Enterprise, which has been the source of most of what currently is known of the Borg, would undoubtedly envy.

If only we had some way to send it all back to the Federation! Someday, perhaps. In the meantime, we must be ever vigilant in this area of space. Now that we've confirmed the Borg's presence in this area, from visits to the world of the Sakari and to the "Cooperative" planet as well, we are 100% certain we'll meet up with them again. I hope we'll escape unscathed from any future encounters. Doctor, research away!

=/\=


	13. Tethered

=/\=

 **Stardate 50674**

When Father and Dad's shuttle crashed on the Nezu colony world, I was naturally very concerned. Any shuttle crash is serious, but this was doubly so because of the asteroids which were bombarding the planet.

I was on the planet myself by then, in the shuttle piloted by Lieutenant Rollins. After an asteroid plunged down, endangering all of the people in the Nezu colonies, three shuttles were dispatched to search for a Dr. Vatm. He was a very respected astrophysicist who'd informed Captain Janeway and the Nezu ambassador that he'd examined one of these asteroids and discovered they contained artificial materials, indicating the bombardment was not a natural phenomenon. Before Dr. Vatm could explain further, all communications between _Voyager_ and him had been cut off.

Thanks to the huge dust clouds raised by asteroid fragments which had already struck the surface, we were out of touch for a while, too. Mr. Rollins is an excellent pilot, however, and since Tom was piloting the other, our shuttles were able to navigate safely, despite the difficult conditions. The Southern continent of this planet is very sparsely populated. We were able to eliminate vast areas from closer search when we flew fifty meters above the ground but were unable to detect any humanoid lifesigns below us.

When _Voyager_ notified us that they'd lost contact with Father's shuttle, we were redirected towards their last known coordinates and ordered to search that area for our team, as well as the missing scientist. Tom's craft arrived first and found the wrecked shuttle, but it was unoccupied. He noted an orbital tether platform was nearby, however.

As soon as I heard about the orbital tether, I realized that could be where my parents had gone. I let Lieutenant Rollins know that Dad had worked with a model of one as it was being built on another planet, and it's likely he'd learned enough to utilize this technology to save his team. Tom confirmed that its carriage was missing, which suggested they were using it to rise above the surface conditions. Once they were high enough, the captain would be able to beam them aboard _Voyager_. Mr. Rollins and Tom agreed to continue the search for the missing Dr. Vatm, since we had no assurances he'd been found by my fathers. Our search ended when Captain Janeway recalled our shuttles.

When we returned, we learned the rest of the story. Dr. Vatm _had_ been with them in the carriage of the orbital tether. The Nezu ambassador's sniveling assistant, Sklar, had tried to convince the ambassador to order all of the Nezu colonists to evacuate the planet. He refused.

Sklar was in league with the Etanian Order, who built the "asteroids" that were bombarding the planet. He murdered Dr. Vatm and attacked both of my parents in an attempt to keep everyone from finding out he was a traitor. The Etanians use artificially created "natural disasters" to remove populations from planets they covet. They then annex them. One of their asteroid-looking spaceships had attacked _Voyager_ while we were down on the planet.

Once the tether carriage exited the atmosphere, _Voyager_ beamed all of its occupants to safety. Father had seen the late Dr. Vatm's research, which contained information about the asteroid weapons and how to counter them. He was able to punch through the Etanian Order's shields. As a result, _Voyager_ won the space battle.

As soon as Father released me from my duties, I rushed to Sickbay to see Dad. He'd sustained a concussion in the attack from Sklar, but the Doctor assured me that, thanks to his superlative medical skills, Dad was well on the way to recovery. Kes was in Sickbay, but she seemed to be keeping well away from Dad. I was quite peeved to see that. Their relationship may have ended, but she was still part of the medical staff. It was her duty to provide care.

When the Doctor agreed to release Dad from Sickbay, I brought him to his quarters despite his protests that he didn't need my assistance. "I can get there just fine on my own."

"I know you can, but after the ordeal you've suffered, let me pamper you just a little. You do it to me all the time, you know." He laughed, which pleased me. I've read that laughter is the best medicine. After some of our recent experiences, a chuckle here and there wouldn't be amiss!

The next day I met a young Nezu woman named Lillias, who was with Dad and Father in the tether carriage. She seemed very pleasant. She was worried about her sister, who'd been missing since the bombardment. While they were in the orbital tether carriage, Dad had shared stories with her about his sister, my late Aunt Alixia. I was surprised. Dad hardly ever spoke about her to anyone, even me. What knowledge I have of her comes primarily from the memories I'd received from him at the time of my advent.

While we were in the mess hall, Father brought word that Lillias' sister Halla had been located and was fine. She was overjoyed! She gave Dad a hug and a kiss and ran off to the bridge to find out the details of her sister's whereabouts. I was a little sad to see her leave so quickly. I thought she and Dad might be able to . . . well, share some special moments. Dad has certainly needed to be cheered up in a romantic way, especially considering how cold Kes has been to him.

I was very happy - I might even say ecstatic - that I was there when Father informed Dad he'd recommended the captain bestow a special commendation for his performance during this incident. Dad simply lit up when Father told him this. I've often wished they could get along better, since they have a son together. They're so different, it will probably never happen. They worked well together this time, though. I hope they do it again someday. I'm certain the need for courageous actions from both of them will crop up again, as it has for our entire crew, ever since _Voyager_ was thrown into this quadrant.

After Father told Dad about the commendation, my parents began to banter about the superiority of logic over intuition, and vice-versa. Dad insisted he would get Father to "trust his gut" someday, while Father told Dad, "Instinct is simply another term for serendipity." Or luck, in other words. Then they traded comments about neither of them ever wanting to lose an argument, as well as the imperative for each of them to have the last word. Neither was willing to concede. It was hilarious (although I knew better than to laugh out loud).

I'm sitting here now in my quarters, and I must say, I've been pondering the question of whether instinct or logic should be considered the superior attribute in a crisis. After evaluating all the arguments logically, my instinct is to say that we need both to be successful.

And _then_ I laughed.

=/\=


	14. Remembering Lost Love

=/\=

 **Stardate 50679**

Father and Dad seem to be getting along fairly well now, ever since they worked together to save the Nezu colonists from the traitor in their midst. Father still doesn't "get" Talaxians, although he seems much more accepting of their traits in me than he does in Dad. Obviously, Dad's a full-blooded Talaxian, and I'm approximately half that. I do have many Vulcan traits, of course. When I'm around Father, especially when I'm on duty, I do my best to emphasize my Vulcan heritage. It's always a bit of a struggle. I smile a lot, even on the bridge. I just do my best to hide it from Father by turning away from him when it happens.

Another reason he's more lenient with me is undoubtedly because I'm Father's son, even though Dad's in there, too. However, unlike his totally Vulcan children, whose mother is Father's honored spouse T'Pel, Father's only connection with Dad, apart from the obvious fact they both live on _Voyager_ , is through me. I wasn't created out of love _or_ lust. I was fused into being by a transporter malfunction, with the assistance of a very unique orchid with symbiogenetic reproduction properties. I'm an accident. I'm happy to say Father does not hold this against me, but he doesn't have the same attachment to Dad that he has to the mother of his children in the Alpha Quadrant. Before I came along, and often even now, he can barely tolerate Dad's presence.

(I should probably record that Dad isn't really a full-blooded Talaxian, either. In addition to that tiny bit of orchid DNA, one of his great-great-grandfathers was Mylean. That hardly matters in the grand scheme of things, of course, but my Vulcan half demands I mention this fact. I don't feel a need to delineate the exact percentage of Dad's genome to the hundredth or even thousandth percent, however. If Father ever chose to make a similar entry in his personal log, I have little doubt he would. Maybe to the hundred-thousandth.)

To return to my main point, Dad more than tolerates Father. He has great respect for him. He's very grateful for the way he handled Dad's missteps on the Nekrit Expanse Supply Depot. Dad knows that if he'd remained in Wixiban's sphere of influence for too long, he'd slip back into the dubious ways he survived after the Metreon Cascade wiped out our family on Rinax.

Dad loves to tease his "Mr. Vulcan." He's always trying to encourage him to "lighten up" and "enjoy life." Father _does_ enjoy life, but since it's culturally inappropriate for him to show it openly, Dad can't see that he does. Captain Janeway has known Father for a very long time. She _can_ see when Father is pleased by something. I'm getting quite good at it myself. Father works hard at his emotional control. I know the fires that burn within him, which he must suppress every day. His inner Romulan could explode in every direction, and at any time, if he did not rigorously control his temper through Vulcan meditative practices. From the memories he's shared with me during our mind melding training sessions, as well as those I inherited at the time of my advent, I'm very aware of that fact.

Dad can be a little too "Tom Paris" at times. They both like to hide their true feelings behind jokes and a devil-may-care attitude to avoid getting hurt. Tom is a little more successful at this, partially because he will admit this about himself when something happens that requires an honest appraisal of his behavior. His behavioral turn-around after Father helped prove he didn't kill the Banean scientist, Tolan Ren, is a good example of this. He examined what he called his _"cherchez la femme"_ behavior, realized it was getting him into trouble, and toned down the way he came onto the women to whom he was attracted. He backslides sometimes, but the true Tom Paris is the man who helped the human B'Elanna Torres through the hell of the Vidiian mines, an organ-processing factory at its heart, when they were captured with Peter Durst. Ah, well, that Banean memory is from Father. It's not one of my own. That look into Tom's mind has always stuck with me, though, unlike many other memories I seem to have lost.

Tom and Dad didn't get along very well in the early days on _Voyager_ because Dad thought Tom was attracted to Kes. Dad was surprised that Tom freely admitted it to Dad, when they were on what Tom now calls the "horror house planet." That was when they helped a little reptilian baby survive until its parent could rescue him. That day, Tom also told Dad that despite this attraction, he had no intention of ever acting upon it. He respected the bond Dad had with Kes, and he wasn't about to try to steal her away. They've been friends ever since.

And that brings me to the real reason I'm putting this down in my log tonight. Since half of me _was_ Dad, I was just as attracted to Kes as Tom was, maybe more. I don't share any of Tom's personal memories, the way I do Dad's and Father's, so I can't know for sure. When I was created, and Dad and Father were sharing my body in a way, that love Dad had for Kes drove me, too. I wanted to be with her in all ways. I loved her. Kes kept me at arm's length because I wasn't her Neelix. I was a combination of her lover and her mentor. When she saw me, she saw her losses, not Tuvix.

When Dad and Father returned to their own bodies and I was given the opportunity and privilege to live an independent life as Tuvix, I had to control the feelings I'd had for Kes. After all, Dad was back, and he was one of my parents. It was clearly inappropriate for me to harbor any romantic feelings towards her. She was Dad's girlfriend.

At first it was very difficult. I had Dad's memories of their intimate encounters and couldn't expunge them from my mind. It was fortunate I had Father to guide me. A primary focus of my initial lessons in meditation was to control my romantic feelings towards her, redirecting them into filial terms, since I fully expected her to become my mother. While Father and I have never spoken about this openly in words, when he's training me in mind meld techniques, it all comes out. His emotional control was invaluable as I transformed my love for Kes into that for a mother, rather than a potential mate.

Then Tieran happened, and Kes terminated her relationship with Dad. Once she regained control of her own mind and body, I assumed she would return to Dad's loving arms after she learned to deal with the actions she took when Tieran possessed her body. Once she began to see other males, however, such as the Mikhal Traveler Zahir, I realized there was no real hope of a reconciliation between Dad and Kes. She'd turned some sort of emotional corner. _Voyager's_ "odd couple" of the mature Talaxian and a very young and innocent Ocampa was no more.

It took a few months for me to finally accept this. I would be lying if I claimed the thought of wooing her for myself never crossed my mind. Whenever I did think of that, however, I became very uncomfortable. I heard Harry and Tom laughing over something called the "Ick Factor," and when I looked it up in the database, I realized that's how I felt about romancing Kes. In my quest to see her as a mother figure, I'd lost any attraction I had for her as a woman. She's still lovely, of course, and to most people, she exudes a sweetness that can sometimes become cloying. I never noticed it while she was with Dad, but I can see it now.

Kes almost seems too nice, sometimes, but there's a brutal strain in her, too, which emerged when _Voyager_ discovered the Suspiria's space station. After Tanis, the Ocampan leader of the station, tutored her in mental techniques, she lost control of her psychokinetic powers. When she was trying to increase the rate of growth of the plants in her airponics bay, she destroyed them instead. During a regularly scheduled mental training session with Father, when she was trying to boil water, she boiled his blood instead. Perhaps Tanis' influence had something to do with those incidents, but maybe there's more to it than that. I sometimes wonder if her mental abilities could make her go rogue someday, under another being's influence, or all on their own, which would put everyone on _Voyager_ in danger. Even thinking about that has certainly had a chilling effect on my former attraction towards her.

Since the breakup, she's been distancing herself from Dad. She indicated they would "remain friends" when she told him their affair was over, but when Dad was in Sickbay, after he broke his leg in the fall when his piton broke, I never saw Kes ask him how he was doing. When Dad was being treated for oxygen deprivation, a concussion, and a laceration while we were in orbit over the Nezu colony, Kes interacted with him only in her professional capacity as the Doctor's assistant, and provided barely the minimum of care at that. I confronted the Doctor afterwards, and he admitted he'd given her some leeway because of her "history" with Dad. I was not satisfied with the Doctor's response and told him so. Dispensing medical care was her duty, and from what I saw that day, her performance was deficient.

Where others see sweetness and light, I now see a shadow, a coldness I would never have expected to perceive in Kes. Dad is willing to make excuses for her; I am not. Any feelings I might have had of a romantic nature are quite as dead as those plants she'd killed, months before my advent, under Tanis' influence.

I have no idea who else might be an appropriate partner for someone like me. I'm very sure I'm the only Talaxian-Vulcan-orchid hybrid in existence in this universe - or in any others, if they exist. While that doesn't mean I'll never find a person who will become everything to me, as T'Pel is to Father, I very much doubt I will find that person currently dwelling on _Voyager_. There aren't any established couples on this ship right now. Tabor and Jor, former Maquis who are very close friends, have not admitted to being lovers, although the "rumor mill" asserts that they are. I know Tom would very much like to be much more than friends with B'Elanna, but if they've actually become that close, they haven't advertised it to the crew at large. And that's about it.

Everyone knows this trip to the Alpha Quadrant will last for decades, unless some sort of miracle takes place. Right now, I'm content. My Vulcan nature may be keeping my Talaxian physical urges under control. From what I've come to know of myself, a sweet young innocent would not be my first choice for a mate. I'd rather be with someone as vibrant as B'Elanna Torres. From the self-deprecating way B'Elanna talks about herself, I don't think she understands why Tom and Vorik would be attracted to her. I certainly can see why they are. Since I'm pretty sure she'll end up with Tom someday, I'll have to look elsewhere to find someone to please me.

I just need to be patient.

=/\=


	15. Lost Daughter

**Stardate 50842**

We held a memorial service for the Doctor's holographic daughter Belle today. It was a very sad occasion, even though only B'Elanna and Kes had actually spent any time with them in the Doctor's family program. Dad insisted he needed to support Kes, who was quite upset by what had happened to Belle. Kes was not very supportive of Dad when he was in Sickbay after the Nezu/Etanian Order incident. That Dad would still be so solicitous of Kes in this situation just goes to show how wonderful he is. Not that I'm prejudiced, you understand. Well, maybe I am. I may be his son, but I believe I would appreciate his good qualities even if I were not.

I digress. To return to the subject at hand: it may seem strange to hold a memorial service for a holodeck character. Can anyone imagine having a funeral for a fictional character from a favorite book? This was a special case. While holodeck characters may be fictional, we interact with them and perceive them as three-dimensional beings. Whether or not they're sentient, like our Doctor, we give them a life very different from the two-dimensional ones we encounter in most novels. In this case, even though Belle, her mother, and her brother weren't self-aware the way the Doctor is, they occupied a special place in our _Voyager_ community. The Doctor developed his family program to help him relate with the crew's situation. They were all forced to leave their own families behind when the Caretaker abducted them from the Alpha Quadrant. The Doctor thought that by sharing a bit of family life, he would understand them better.

At first, the wife and two children he'd created were so unrealistic, B'Elanna said they reminded her of "lollipops." (That's a candy treat on Earth, I understand. Pure sugar. I've never consumed one, but they do sound rather sickening.) Even Kes, who had a wonderful childhood with her parents Martis and Benaren (not that it lasted very long), thought the Doctor's family was a little too perfect. B'Elanna, whose family life had not been optimal, offered to "tweak" his program by randomizing its events. The Doctor would have to face the same crises families often must overcome in real life. The Doctor, somewhat surprisingly, consented to this change without establishing any limits on what kinds of events B'Elanna could introduce.

When he went back into his program, the Doctor's family life was no longer perfect. His wife was under stress from her job. His son befriended Klingon teenagers with a fetish for razor-sharp blades; and his daughter, while very sweet and loving, tended to take silly risks. When Belle sustained a mortal head injury in a Parisses Squares match, the Doctor's first thought was to end the program; and he immediately left it. Tom Paris convinced him to go back to face the pain, to support his wife, son, and, especially, his daughter, as they faced her death. If he didn't, Tom told him, he'd miss the whole point of having a family. When he came out of the program after Belle's death, the EMH _was_ devastated. The captain suggested holding a memorial service. "It's what we do to help each other when we lose someone dear. Why not hold one to help you?"

Father was not there. He assumed command of the ship while the service took place, allowing Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay both to attend. After Father left the bridge, he asked me to come to his quarters to practice mind melding techniques. By accessing my memories of the service, he said he'd be able to "see" it for himself. I tried to initiate the mind meld with him. Once again, I failed. Father had to go into my mind to experience the event. He thanked me for allowing him to share in the solemn event. I accepted his thanks, but I'm very frustrated. I can no longer ignore my deficiencies in Vulcan mental discipline techniques.

Although Father has been working very patiently with me for the past year, I have made no progress in the mind meld technique. Father usually explains that some Vulcans are incapable of learning it, so I should not be upset. On other occasions, he's assured me it's difficult to master the procedure and always takes time for anyone to learn. I know what he isn't saying. I may have his memories; my body may contain his entire genome; but I am not purely Vulcan. Because of my Talaxian genes, as well as those from the orchid which are part of my genetic make-up, my brain is not constructed exactly the way his is.

It's never going to happen. I'm simply not Vulcan enough.

=/\=


	16. Eyes Open

=/\=

 **Stardate 50887**

 _Voyager_ and its crew are imprisoned inside a Voth city ship. The Voth are a reptilian species and have us under close surveillance. We are not allowed any weapons. We have limited access to our computer and none to ship's systems, other than life support. When any of our crew must work in Engineering or in the Jeffreys tubes to maintain our life support systems, an armed guard of Voth go with us. The captain and Father are confined to their quarters. They're fortunate not to be incarcerated in the brig. Tom tried to fight them when they took over the ship, he he did spend several hours in the brig. They released him after the Doctor's mobile emitter was taken away. With the Doctor confined to Sickbay or the holodecks, our primary field medic - Tom - had to be available to take care of those who were seriously injured or too ill to get to Sickbay under their own power.

Commander Chakotay is also in custody, but not with us. The rumor is that he's with a Voth scientist. We have no idea what sort of treatment he's receiving from this scientist.

Dad and I were allowed to visit with Father briefly, while under guard. Father said he is doing well and not to be concerned for him. Dad and I can't help being _VERY_ concerned. I'm afraid my Vulcan side has been unable to overcome my Talaxian side's emotionalism. I'd better cease recording this log now. I don't think I'll be able to speak coherently much longer.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50894**

 _Voyager_ was allowed to leave the city ship, thanks to Chakotay and to Professor Gegen, the scientist who had him in custody. The professor had studied the DNA of a member of our crew who died on Hanon IV - Ensign Hogan - and noticed many gene markers consistent with that of the Voth. He hypothesized that this could not be accidental. It would mean humans and the Voth would have had a common ancestor, even though it seemed impossible. Earth is so far away, in the Alpha Quadrant. How could humans and the Voth be related?

The Voth's Doctrine, which is codified into their culture and its legal system, is that their race originated in the Delta Quadrant. If Professor Gegen's "Distant Origin" theory is correct, all their treasured beliefs will be undermined. Commander Chakotay and Professor Gegen believe the Voth may have developed on Earth, possibly from the species Hadrosaurus. If they'd developed a culture and managed to achieve space flight prior to the demise of the large dinosaurs, which occurred approximately 65 million years ago, they may have made it to the Delta Quadrant many millions of years later, without retaining any accurate records of their true origin.

Minister Odala, who heard the case, ruled against Professor Gegen. If he held to his theory, he would be transferred to a detention colony, along with the crew of _Voyager_ , where we all would spend the rest of our lives. The Voth are quite prejudiced against mammalian species. The only being on _Voyager_ who isn't a mammal is our holographic doctor, and he's made in the image of one. Our journey back to the Alpha Quadrant would end here. Our ship would be destroyed. She did not say, but implied, that our lives would be nasty, brutish, and short.

Professor Gegen sacrificed his career so that we would be allowed to proceed homeward. Instead of archaeology, Professor Gegen's profession will be metallurgical analysis. He told Commander Chakotay he doubts he will have a distinguished career as a metallurgist. Perhaps. But he is a very fine being. Someday, I hope his people will realize just how noble - and right - he was. Even if human beings and the Voth are not related - if the gene markers should turn out to be a random accident (statistically highly unlikely, but still a possibility, I suppose) - his willingness to keep an open mind and base his theories upon the evidence he's collected and not "doctrine" shows what a brilliant and ethical person he is.

Just before we left the city ship, Commander Chakotay was permitted a last visit with Professor Gegen. He presented him with a glass globe of Earth. The professor was delighted with the gift. The Voth have a phrase they use quite frequently to acknowledge the truth of a statement. They say, "eyes open." Professor Gegen's eyes are very wide open. His noble spirit has been an "eye opener" for us, as well.

=/\=


	17. Ice Cold

=/\=

 **Stardate 50930**

When the funny little man who thought _Voyager_ was too bright and too cold showed up in the middle of Tom and B'Elanna's argument about the Klingon martial arts program Tom had maneuvered her into sampling, their first thought was to find a way to get the man back to his home on Nyria Three. No one suspected he was the advance guard of an invasion by his people, who were bent on stealing our Starship.

Within minutes, we discovered Kes was missing. Harry Kim disappeared shortly afterwards, in the middle of a conversation with B'Elanna. Then it was Father's turn. By the time twenty-two crew members were lost, all at nine minute intervals, while a Nyrian arrived at the same moment, Captain Janeway realized a natural process was unlikely. At this rate, the entire crew would be Nyrian within a matter of hours. That suggested intent.

With Father and Mr. Ayala both among the first to leave, I became the ranking Security officer within the first hour and a half. Two thirds of the crew had been swept away, including Captain Janeway, before it was my turn. After I experienced a few seconds of disorientation, I found myself in a sunny outdoor plaza, with the captain, Father, and Kes looking at me from the other side. The atmosphere was comfortable, and the view over the wall, quite lovely. If I had chosen this place for Shore Leave, I would have been satisfied with my choice. Since I was there against my will, however, my appreciation for these pleasant environs was extremely limited. If I wasn't gazing at Father at the moment of my arrival, I'm afraid I would have thrown a nasty Talaxian hissy fit. As it was, I controlled my temper as I approached the captain.

It was clear by now that it was only a matter of time before the entire crew would join us. We had a very bad moment when little Naomi Wildman appeared on the pavement, screaming for her mother. Fortunately, Ensign Ahni Jetal quickly rushed over and picked up the little tyke to soothe her. Nine minutes later, Ensign Samantha Wildman arrived, frantic with worry about her daughter. Ensign Jetal was waiting nearby and carried Naomi to Samantha to relieve her of her distress. I think everyone in the plaza gave a big sigh of relief at that moment.

The last to arrive was Commander Chakotay. Fortunately, he had the Doctor's mobile emitter safely stowed in his pocket. Almost as soon as he appeared, a Nyrian woman and her two guards walked into the plaza and informed us that this was our new home. When we greeted this news with a marked lack of enthusiasm, she became rather snooty. She basically told us she didn't care how we felt about it. We'd better get used to it, because we weren't going anywhere.

No sooner had this Taleen and her ruffians disappeared through the exit portal, another aperture opened up between our Habitat and the one "next door." A Voth-like alien named Jarlath poked his head into the plaza. Clearly, there were ways to get out of what we now knew was an artificial environment. A plan was hatched to facilitate our escape.

Since I'm recording this event in my personal log while sitting at my desk, in the comfort of my quarters on _Voyager_ , Taleen the Nasty Nyrian clearly was not a seer. We did get our ship back. The Nyrians had seriously underestimated our crew's resolve. There were rough moments, naturally, before we achieved our independence from the Nyrians.

Tom and B'Elanna had been in the middle of an argument when Dammar, the first Nyrian, arrived on the ship. That night in the plaza, while B'Elanna was working on the Doctor's mobile emitter so that he could commence his "new career as a tricorder," I was nearby, working on building a weapon Father had designed from parts available within our Habitat. When Tom approached them, I was able to hear the entire exchange.

Tom brought a message from the captain to B'Elanna and the Doctor. Once it was delivered, B'Elanna apologized about her overreaction to the Klingon workout program. He accepted her apology, and it seemed their disagreement was a thing of the past - until the Doctor began to butt in, making comments about "typical defensive reactions." Tom made the mistake of chuckling with the Doctor's comment about B'Elanna. When B'Elanna shot back about Tom's defense mechanisms, the fight started up all over again. The Doctor made things worse with every self-indulgent comment, until B'Elanna shut off his vocal processing program. He was outraged, but as far as I'm concerned, he deserved the "silent treatment."

The next "morning," the Doctor began his new career as a tricorder. He was able to detect the entry portal, and Captain Janeway, Father, Tom, B'Elanna, and Jarlath slipped through to reconnoiter and work on a way to get us back to our ship. Tom and B'Elanna discovered that our habitat was one of many self-contained biospheres, the environment of each tailored to its inhabitants. One was a rainforest, another a desert, and still another, a world of ice. Jarlath was not happy cooperating with them, however. At the first opportunity, he allowed himself to be recaptured by the Nyrians. B'Elanna and Tom managed to escape into the nearest biosphere: the ice world. It must have been _very_ cold, because when they were transported back into our Habitat, they had their arms around each other. They claimed they were sharing their body heat to keep each other warm. I actually believed them. The rest of the crew obviously didn't, because they all laughed. It's not as if anyone has failed to notice their mutual attraction, but laughing at them was a little - how does the expression go again? Oh yes - hitting below the belt.

Captain Janeway and Father had transported Tom and B'Elanna to our Habitat when they recognized the severity of the conditions in the frozen biosphere (which we later discovered was called the Argala Habitat). They'd taken over the main control room and learned that _Voyager_ was coming towards our location, which was actually a big zoo of a ship traveling in space. When our ship was close enough, the captain transported Dammar and his second in command to the ice world. As Dammar had said when he first came on board _Voyager_ , Nyrians like it warm and relatively dark. The icy Argala Habitat is as bright as it is frigid. The captain came in and offered a deal: they could have their ship back, but only after all of its captives were returned to their own planets, and our crew had disabled their sneaky little "translocater" long-distance transporter system, which they'd used to take over our ship. Since Father had released our crew and was already beginning to send the Nyrians on the Habitat ship into the Argala Habitat to join Dammar and his second in command, he quickly saw reason.

While we're back in control of _Voyager_ , the Nyrians don't have their own ship back yet. They're enjoying a pleasant vacation inside the warm, dark Nyrian Habitat. Until all of the captives have been returned to their homes, that habitat is where the Nyrians will stay. _Voyager_ and the zoo-ship are traveling in tandem at the moment, and will, until everyone - including Jarlath - has gotten back to the place they belong.

Dad saw Tom and B'Elanna relaxing on a love seat in the resort earlier today. He told me it looks like they've resolved their differences. They were lapping up the warm (artificial) sun and were smiling at each other. I was happy to hear it.

One more thing. Kes came over and chatted with me for a while in the Habitat. She must have noticed my annoyance with her behavior and wanted to make amends. Dad is the one she needs to approach. They shouldn't get together again romantically after all this time, but it would be nice if she were to act cordially towards him again.

In my more cynical moments, I wonder if Kes approached me because she thought we would be stuck in that Habitat for the rest of our lives and didn't want to burn all her bridges. Perhaps she now believes a hybrid with the characteristics of the Talaxian she once loved, mixed with the traits of her Vulcan mentor, could be the perfect boyfriend for her. If she _does_ think that, it's too late. It's never going to happen.

=/\=


	18. Too Hot for Comfort

=/\=

 **Stardate 50957**

I'm relieved Father and my friend Tom are safe. The situation was very serious for a while. I must thank Mr. McKenzie and Mike Ayala for helping me with my efforts at tactical, even though we were never able to override the lockout. I must credit Harry, too, for his diligence restoring our transporter capability, although the crisis was over by the time he did. The captain and B'Elanna worked the hardest, altering the program in small ways to provide Father and Tom with tools they could use to help protect themselves and stay alive until their rescue; but in the end, it was Father who saved them.

I've been sitting here in my quarters for quite a while now, reviewing the history of the woman we called Seska, although we don't know for certain that was her real name. I can't say I ever knew her myself. I saw her only once, when she abandoned our crew on Hanon IV during her takeover of _Voyager_. Her Bajoran disguise had broken down well before my advent, when the Doctor discovered she was a Cardassian. Just as Father was a spy for the Federation who joined Chakotay's cell, Seska had infiltrated the Maquis for the Obsidian Order. The Galor-class ship that was chasing them in the Badlands seemed to know every move that Chakotay's group made. In hindsight, it was easy to see why, with Seska feeding them information.

I do wonder about the fate of that Cardassian ship sometimes. Since _Voyager_ and _Val Jean_ were both dragged into the Delta Quadrant by the displacement wave, was the Cardassian vessel brought here, too? I've reviewed the official logs myself, and I can't see any evidence of a Galor-class ship near the Caretaker's Array; but Dreadnought showed up elsewhere. I'd hate to run into a Galor-class warship here. They're much bigger than _Voyager_. It would be better for us if it _was_ able to get away. It may have been lost in the Badlands, as Starfleet must believe of _Voyager_.

I'm having trouble concentrating tonight. It was an extremely stressful day, of course, but my current surroundings may be contributing to my tendency to "wool-gather" tonight. (Such a marvelously descriptive expression, now that I know its derivation - but there I go again. Digressing. I'm being very Talaxian tonight, aren't I? And after such a Tuvokian day, too.)

To get back on track, Seska found and sabotaged the holodeck program before her defection to the Kazon and her premature death. Anyone engaging in the program takes part in a Maquis mutiny on _Voyager_ , either as a mutineer or a member of _Voyager's_ Security staff. B'Elanna found it first, and soon everyone seemed to have played it at least once. By the time I did, once as a Maquis, and once in my usual position as a security officer, the identity of the creator was already known. I didn't realize no one knew Father wrote the program when people first started talking about "Insurrection Alpha." If they'd asked me to guess who the author was, I'm not sure how I would have answered. I knew, since that was one of the memories transferred to me from Father, but the crew had almost as much fun speculating about the author's identity as they did playing it. I'm not sure I would have wanted to spoil their fun.

It wasn't a game, not originally. When the Maquis first came on board _Voyager_ , Father thought they would try to take over the ship to put Chakotay in command. He designed the holodeck program to train his department staff in countermeasures so they would not succeed. Somewhat to Father's surprise (not that he's willing to admit it), the mutiny he anticipated never came. Despite Seska's efforts to get Chakotay to do exactly that for as long as she was on _Voyager_ , the commander always remained loyal to Captain Janeway.

Chakotay had attained the rank of commander before joining the Maquis, shortly after he learned the Cardassians had murdered his father. At the time, he was an instructor at Starfleet Academy's Advanced Tactical Training School. Once the captain placed her trust in him and offered him his former rank, although it had to be provisional under the circumstances, he willingly became again what he'd always expected he'd be: an honorable Starfleet officer. It is notable that while many of the Maquis who had been in Starfleet merely defected, Chakotay officially resigned his commission before joining the resistance organization. Seska should have remembered that when she thought she could convince the man to go against his principles. She used every trick in her arsenal, flattering, cajoling, and scolding him, and even attempted to become his lover again, since they'd been in a relationship for a time after she joined Chakotay's Maquis cell. None of it swayed him to her will.

Seska had sabotaged Father's program so that when he tried to revise it in any way, her changes and additions would supersede whatever Father had already put in place. He couldn't undo her alterations, either. When the crew wanted Father and Tom to extend it beyond its current abrupt ending (Father had abandoned it once he realized a mutiny was unlikely), thanks to Seska's "update," the pair were locked inside the holodeck with the safeties off. If the holodeck characters had succeeded in killing them, they _would_ have died. They were in real danger until Father manually reset the controls on an "Action Kate Special." When Seska demanded the holographic weapon and pulled the trigger to execute them, she was the one who died. Well, I should say, Seska's holographic avatar died. The real Seska has been dead for a year.

So much effort, just to get revenge on Father. As Tom said to Father while they were in the middle of the program, "Seska wouldn't let a little thing like death stop her from getting even."

After I first appeared on _Voyager's_ transporter pad, I occupied Father's quarters. Once Neevok sacrificed his life so that Father and Dad could return, the captain moved me to the suite that had been Seska's. After her defection, Father and Mr. Ayala had searched these rooms very carefully. When they finished, no one else wanted to claim these quarters. That was helpful when they had to be searched again, after Father realized someone was spying on _Voyager_ for her. (Dad and Tom unmasked Michael Jonas, resulting in the spy's death.)

I remember Seska, of course, thanks to my inherited memories, but I didn't have any qualms about living here. Father had successfully suppressed his feelings towards her. Dad had never cared for her much, but since the spy was dead, he didn't think my living in her former quarters would be problematic. Her possessions had been thrown into storage crates during the searches. The crates were still here when I moved in, but I carried them to a storage area in Cargo Bay Two and didn't think much more about them, or her, after her death - until now.

Seska continued her spying ways even after she was thrown an estimated 70 years of travel away from where the Cardassians, the Maquis, and Starfleet were fighting their battles. Why continue the struggle out here? It's not as if she could send any useful intelligence back to her handlers in the Obsidian Order. By the time _Voyager_ returns to the Alpha Quadrant, that region of space may have been peaceful for over half a century. For all we know, they may even be at peace now. Seska could have cooperated with our crew instead of fomenting discontent. Instead, she chose to defect to the Kazon, bearing a son who will be raised without his mother, because she's dead.

This program was designed to end with Father's death. Was Seska trying to ingratiate herself with Chakotay, to turn him away from the head of security, by reminding him of Father's past? That may have been it. When we examined the programming history, we determined her revisions were made about one month before she fled _Voyager,_ so abruptly, she left most of her possessions behind. Perhaps she'd thought she would be able to continue interfering with the ship's operation for considerably longer, but she was forced into flight once her true identity and treasonous links with the Kazon were exposed.

I will meditate for a long time, starting tonight, to attempt to understand Seska's motives. Why did she continue her enmity when she was torn away from her cause? Was it a need to be the one in power? Was she jealous of Captain Janeway's position? Right now, all I see is the string of wasted lives: Hogan, Gaspar, Jonas, the Kazon-Nistrim who died when _Voyager_ was retaken by Tom, the EMH, Suder, and their Talaxian allies. Seska herself.

My Vulcan half, the part from Father, is totally unaffected by my residing in these quarters; but I know Dad would never even think of trading with me, even though his suite is smaller than mine. While he does have a little window in his quarters and mine lies in _Voyager's_ interior, that's not why he would choose to stay where he is. My Talaxian half is just a tiny bit superstitious. Dad would perceive an aura of evil lingering here because of Seska's residence. Whenever I invite Dad to visit me in my quarters, he always refuses. He says it's not his kind of place. After this experience, I think I understand why.

=/\=


	19. Memory Retraction

=/\=

 **Stardate 50975**

We lost Ensign Ahni Jetal today. She was on a mission with the Doctor and Harry when an alien ship attacked. Harry and Ahni were both critically injured in the attack. The Doctor managed to get the shuttle back to _Voyager_. His triage revealed that the energy weapon used by the alien intruder continues damaging the victim's spinal cord even after the attack stops. While the Doctor could save one of his patients, he didn't have enough time to save both, even with Kes' capable assistance. He saved Harry. Since Harry is head of Operations, working on him first was logical, but the Doctor still feels terrible about losing his other patient.

The captain has scheduled the funeral for tomorrow.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50980**

Kes came to see me in my quarters tonight. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to let her come in, but she promised she wasn't there for "impure purposes." She smiled very sincerely and explained that something happened that she simply had to share with someone, and she didn't know who else she could approach. The events she wished to discuss occurred a couple of months ago - or maybe several years in the future. I was intrigued and let her enter.

I invited her to sit down at the table and replicated a pot of herbal tea for us. When we were comfortable, she asked me if I remembered when the Doctor had to treat her for chronitron poisoning in his bio-temporal chamber, several months before. After the procedure was complete, she told several of us that she'd lived her life backwards - from just prior to her death to . . . well, she wasn't exactly sure, but she thought she'd gone all the way back to the fetal stage before the Doctor's treatment brought her back to us.

I asked her if she thought she'd simply had an hallucination in the chamber. She was sure she hadn't, but whatever she saw, it was only a possible future now. When Harry and Tom asked her about what the future held for them, she didn't want to tell them what she'd seen. How could she? Just by living through it, and by giving advice to the captain to avoid the Krenim, she'd probably altered that future. "Do you think Tom and Harry would really want to know the Krenim killed B'Elanna and Captain Janeway? That afterwards, I married Tom, and we had a daughter Linnis together? And Harry married Linnis and fathered Andrew, my grandson? I can't imagine they'd believe me - or want to! Tom and B'Elanna are getting so close. It's only a matter of time before they finally admit they love each other."

When she said that, I must say, I was silent for a very long time. Finally, I murmured something about how it was difficult for _me_ to believe it, so they probably would find it hard, too.

Then I asked her if Dad had also died, and she said he hadn't. "That's why I couldn't share this with Neelix. You know how jealous of Tom he used to be. They're such good friends now. I'd hate to stir things up by telling him I may marry Tom in the future. If Tuvok ever gives me another mind meld, he'd probably learn about it, but I'd rather not tell him anything about this. Some of what I experienced in that other time stream would be hard for him to hear, too."

I chuckled a little and asked her why she thought I'd be able to bear the burden of her confession better than either of my fathers. Her delightful light laugh echoed through my quarters. "Since you have a blend of your fathers' strengths and weaknesses, I thought you would be able to tolerate my 'confession' better than either of them. You've inherited Tuvok's stable nature, so I believe you won't get too upset. But you'll be able to tell me how you feel about what you hear, which Neelix would do. I want an honest appraisal. Temporal paradoxes are so confusing, and my bouncing back in my own lifetime was even worse than most!"

I told her she could proceed, and she explained what she meant about "bouncing back" in time. She only saw brief snatches of each stage of her life, so she couldn't say for sure how she got together with Tom, other than the fact that it only occurred after Tom lost B'Elanna. "I _am_ sure that the only reason it happened was because of the Krenim's killing B'Elanna and the captain."

She was happy she saw her parents' faces again, since both had their _morelogia_ before Kes left the caverns to come to the surface of Ocampa. But then, the treatment she'd suggested to the Doctor during one of her "bounces" took hold, and she was back.

By the time she finished her recitation, I had one of Captain Janeway's temporal paradox headaches and told Kes so. She smiled, "I'm glad you said that, because that seems to be happening to me, too. I've been feeling very strange lately. I believe some sort of change must be coming on, although I have no idea what it might be. I hope it isn't _MY_ _morelogium_! I'm not even four years old! But something's . . . different."

I asked her if what Dad told me, that she thinks she'll never have another _elogium_ and won't ever have a child now, is still true. After all, in this future, she "saw" herself having a daughter with Tom. ''No, I don't know why, but I still think it won't happen. Perhaps that's one reason this other time stream doesn't seem likely, even though it felt so real while I was going through it."

"I'm surprised you came to me about this instead of the Doctor. He would have been fascinated by your story."

"A little too fascinated, don't you think?" I laughingly agreed. She became very solemn then and added, "This obsession over not saving Ahni is so sad. He's having a lot of trouble making even the simplest decisions. If he doesn't get over it very soon, I don't know what will happen. And after losing Ahni, I simply had to talk to someone. I've really been feeling the need to for a while, but I wouldn't feel right burdening the Doctor with this right now. I could have gone to Chakotay, but much of what I remember from that other time stream concerns him, too. For some reason, I never caught sight of you, so I didn't have anything specific to say which would upset you. Or at least, I hope not!"

I assured her she didn't have to worry about that. I wasn't upset. I told her that her reasons for not telling anyone else about what she remembered from that experience were sound. Since I don't recall anyone bringing up the subject of "Kes' wild story about living her life backwards" recently, it's likely everyone has already forgotten about it. I was unsure what else to say after that. I wasn't used to being her confidante, or Kes mine.

I wished I hadn't thought that last little bit. I've been more than a little envious that she's telepathic, when I don't believe I am. I think she did catch the gist of it, since she added, "I'm glad I came to you for this talk for another reason, Tuvix. Ever since your Dad and I ended our relationship - well, since I ended it - I know you haven't been very happy with me. I can't say I don't deserve any hard feelings you might have. I was beginning to think of you as my son, and that won't happen now. And I don't think you'd want any other type of relationship with me, other than to be my friend. Can we be, Tuvix? Can we be friends again?"

I nodded my head slightly. "I believe we can be friends, Kes. Just friends. Nothing more."

"Yes," she said sadly. "Nothing more." She stood up to go. At the door, she took both of my hands in hers. "Thank you for listening, Tuvix."

"That's what friends do, isn't it? Listen to a friend when she's troubled?" Kes patted my shoulder very gently, nodded and smiled sweetly, and slipped into the corridor. As my door slid closed behind her, it reminded me of the door to that other possible future, the one which closed several months ago.

Some things are simply not meant to be. And I found I didn't mind at all.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50982**

The Doctor has been obsessing so much about making the wrong choice when he saved Harry Kim's life at the expense of Ahni Jetal's, we were afraid we might lose him to a feedback loop. The captain decided her only course of action was to remove all traces of Ahni's presence on _Voyager_ from the Doctor's memory files and from our computer records. The official logs will be "revised." Her likeness will be erased from the Doctor's holoimager memory buffers, too. While this is a radical solution, we need our Doctor. The way he's currently acting, he isn't functional. However, the idea of all records of Ahni's existence being purged was extremely upsetting to me.

When I expressed my horror about changing the logs and the excision of all references to Ensign Jetal, Father assured me a backup copy of all such records are to be saved in a portable storage module. Ahni Jetal still has a place in _Voyager's_ history. It will simply be inaccessible to our EMH until we return to the Alpha Quadrant. Ahni's belongings and any other materials that really shouldn't be erased, such as her blood and DNA samples, will be relabeled and stored with the module. The captain plans to mark them with the name of _Voyager's_ original helmsman, Lieutenant Veronica Stadi, who died in the displacement wave that brought the ship to the Delta Quadrant. A little ^ mark will be used on Ahni's labels to show they're hers, not Stadi's. I'm glad the purge will not be complete. It would be such a disservice to Ahni's memory.

 **Addendum**

The "scrubbing" is finished. If an inquiry about her is made now, our computer system will reply "no data exists." I know, because I tested it. The entire crew is doing their best to go along with this, although it's very disturbing. Everyone other than the Doctor now knows about the stored items, too. The Doctor is acting normally again, now that the captain and B'Elanna have completely purged our late crewmember from the Doctor's memory.

When I meditated before going to bed last night, images of Ahni with little Naomi Wildman in the Federation Habitat kept interfering with what I'd wanted to contemplate that evening. I finally gave in and revisited the incident in detail, or I knew I'd never be able to get to sleep.

Naomi had been switched with a Nyrian nine minutes before her mother Samantha Wildman was. The poor child was very upset by the sudden change in her surroundings and, of course, because she'd landed on some very hard pavement in the center of the plaza. After Ahni rushed over and picked up Naomi, she rocked her very sweetly until the little girl began to calm down. Then she sang to her. It was a very old song that sounded like a lullaby to me. When I asked her about it, after Ensign Wildman arrived and was reunited with her daughter, Ahni said it was a show tune from the middle of the 20th century. By the time of our unplanned visit to Southern California, courtesy of Henry Starling, "Try to Remember" had become part of the standard repertoire. She said she didn't know why that piece came into her mind just then. She'd been in a production of "The Fantasticks" when she was in school, but she didn't sing it in the play - it was sung by the El Gallo character - but she's always loved the words and melody. "It's like the lyrics _MAKE_ you remember it!" she said to me.

When I finished my meditations, I looked up the song in our database. I found it and played it for myself. It _is_ a wonderful one, although I think I preferred Ahni's voice when she sang it to Naomi to the young man's on the recording. I saved it to my personal song list so I can play it again whenever I wish. Even if the Doctor should chance upon it accidentally, I doubt it could trigger any trace memory. Commander Chakotay had the Doctor's mobile emitter in his pocket when he arrived in the habitat, and they didn't get there until long after Ahni's performance quieted Naomi.

The lyrics are even more poignant now, after all that's happened. Hearing that song will always remind me of a very lovely person who didn't deserve to die the way she did. If we'd gone ahead and purged all memory of her from our systems. it would have seemed like she'd died a second time. Rest in peace, dear Ahni.

=/\=

(Author's Note: I must thank TLWtlw for asking me about whether I'll ever mention anything about "Before and After." Thanks for stimulating my imagination! And of course, thanks to the writers of the show for all the episodes of Star Trek. The last note will carry a full disclaimer, but let me just say now, Paramount owns all. I don't.)


	20. Unholy Alliance

=/\=

 **Stardate 50083**

I'm feeling very unsettled. Father told me that Kes has been troubled for the past few hours by visions of Borg drones piled into biomechanical scrap heaps. Dead. Dismembered. Father has been trying to calm her down. She's very upset. She wasn't dreaming - she was in Sickbay talking with the Doctor about the Borg when the visions started to bedevil her. Is it simply anxiety? Or is it precognition?

Father doesn't know what is happening yet, but he's advised the captain about her visions. Since a probe we sent out months ago as a scout went dormant recently - right after running into a Borg cube, where it was presumably assimilated - the Borg know we're here.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50984**

After an analysis of the lost probe's data, sent to us before its capture, along with information from our long range sensor sweeps, we now know there's a Borg-free zone running through the middle of their territory. The command team has dubbed it, "The Northwest Passage," after a legendary route through the Americas on Earth which 17th, 18th, and 19th century navigators tried to map. While it turned out to be real, it was basically impassable - a ship had to go around the northern part of the continent and through the ice-covered Arctic Ocean to get through. In the 20th century, submarines were able to travel under the ice to the planet's north pole. During a period of global warming in the 21st century, it was technically navigable in the summers, but dangerous. Once the climate returned to more moderate levels in the late-21st century, the route closed up again. This Northwest Passage is a chaotic and dangerous route as well, since it's pockmarked by quantum singularities and subspace anomalies that will make it extremely difficult to traverse. Tom seems up to the challenge, however. I hope we all are.

 **Addendum**

This Northwest Passage is likely to be unusable, too. We've learned the reason the Borg have abandoned this corridor. The have a terrible enemy which travels through quantum singularities from Someplace Else to attack the Borg. A task force of these alien ships just chased fifteen Borg cubes past us, fortunately ignoring _Voyager_.

Were Kes' visions rooted in telepathic reality? I was on call this shift, but Father has ordered me to report for duty. We're approaching the remains of the Borg cubes. What sort of aliens are these, who can destroy fifteen Borg cubes in such a short a time? I expect we will soon know.

 **Addendum #2**

We don't have a name for these aliens yet, but we know this: they are malevolent, and they are more powerful than the Borg. I cannot imagine a combination more likely to induce nightmares.

Father, Commander Chakotay, Harry, and I transported over to one of the Borg cubes to investigate. We kept our weapons down, since Captain Picard's crew on the _Enterprise_ learned that Borg drones typically do not attack if non-drones moving through their vessels refrain from making any aggressive moves. Some of the drones were alive but motionless, many were lying around dead, and a few were moving aimlessly in repetitive movements, as if they no longer knew their purpose. Since the Borg operate as a Collective and typically act as ordered through the hive mind, I found the disoriented Borg more upsetting than those who were dead.

We approached the section of the cube where our sensors had identified one of the alien ships still clinging to its hull. One Borg drone was repeatedly stabbing the ship with its assimilation tubules, attempting to assimilate it, but without success. This alien ship was biological in construction, not mechanical; our tricorder readings showed that this "bioship's" cells were repairing a damaged part of its hull through a form of regeneration. While its alien crew was not in evidence initially, when Harry and I turned a corner in the cube, we discovered a stack of dismembered Borg body parts that closely resembled the ones in Kes' visions. Our away team decided discretion was the better part of valor, and we moved towards a point in the cube from which we could be transported back to _Voyager_.

We didn't get there quickly enough. One of the aliens jumped out to attack a couple of drones and knocked out Harry before jumping away, in the direction of his ship. We were able to drag Harry the short distance to where _Voyager's_ transporters could get a lock on us. Harry is lying in Sickbay right now. The original injury from the alien was a mere scratch, but it's become infected. The Doctor told us that Harry's body is literally being consumed from the inside out.

One more thing: Kes has been getting telepathic messages from the aliens. They're telling her, "The weak will perish." Other messages say they will "decontaminate" this galaxy by exterminating "everything."

Between the enmity of this alien race and the very real chance the Borg will try to assimilate us if they get anywhere close to _Voyager_ , my existence as a living, independently functioning Tuvix my turn out to be distressingly short.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50985**

There is much tension on the bridge whenever the captain and the commander are both present. No one knows exactly why, but it seems obvious they are at odds over how to handle the present crisis. Captain Janeway has always made it stunningly clear she means to get this crew home, and as quickly as possible. She wants to plow through this area of space in a direct line, but how she's going to be able to do this without our becoming allied to one side or another is beyond my imagination. The Borg would want to assimilate us. This new threat wants to eradicate all life in this galaxy, if Kes' telepathic communications from them can be trusted.

Commander Chakotay, on the other hand, is not eager for an early return to the Alpha Quadrant. The Maquis would almost certainly land in prison, or worse, if our return comes very quickly. He'd prefer to turn back and search for another route, further away from Borg space. I suspect he'd be willing to stay on a planet for a while, as far out of harm's way as possible, and look for a way home later on. Perhaps, after a few decades, our return would be less problematic. The Maquis cause and the simmering conflict between Cardassia and the Federation could have become ancient history by then. Alternatively, they may destroy each other so completely, no one still alive will care about the return of a ship lost thirty years or so in the Delta Quadrant.

The captain has suggested another scenario, I understand. If we stand by and do nothing now, this new alien threat could destroy everyone and everything in the entire galaxy. There would be no home to go to then. No future, either.

Ah. I should stop recording this entry now. I'm in quite the nihilistic mood at the moment. Being caught between two implacable sets of enemies will do that to one, I understand.

=/\=

 **Addendum**

The captain has decided upon a potential ally. I am not enthused about her choice, but then, I'm not particularly happy with either option.

The Doctor has experimented with the nanoprobes removed from the Borg cadaver, which we retrieved from the dead cube before Dr. Frazier ordered Commander Chakotay to reactivate it to establish their "Cooperative." The alien cells have so much more DNA packed inside them, we now know why the Borg could not assimilate them. The nanoprobes literally could not get enough of a "handle" upon them to borgify the alien cells. The Doctor has modified a supply of nanoprobes which are able to overcome the alien's cell structure. As a result, poor Harry is finally recovering from his infection. Since the aliens and their ships share the same DNA, the captain realized a large quantity of such nanoprobes, placed inside a delivery system such as a photon torpedo, would be a viable weapon against them (designated Species 8472 by the Borg). The captain believes she can strike a deal with the Collective for safe passage out of their space by offering them the method to modify their nanoprobes - after we've escaped Borg space.

Father and Dad were both at the meeting when she proposed this plan to her senior staff. Neither of them are anticipating its success. Dad told me he could see, from the look on Commander Chakotay's face, that he was extremely hostile to her proposal, but no one else's opinion really matters to our captain when she's convinced she's right about something. We're headed toward a planet inhabited by the Borg right now to begin "negotiations." I'm not looking forward to the prospect of dealing with the Collective and remaining, well, me.

 **Addendum #2**

The Borg want to assimilate all of us to obtain the instructions for modifying the nanoprobes into a weapon against Species 8472. The only one who currently possesses this knowledge is the Doctor, and the captain told the Borg she's willing to destroy his program rather than submit her crew to assimilation. The captain is now on board a Borg cube offering . . . .

(Red Alert; sound of running feet, door swishing . . . extended silence . . . then a sigh)

I see I failed to shut off the log entry recording function before running to my station. Editing out the silent section must wait for a calmer period, if any should become available - and if we survive. Bioships attacked the Borg system where the captain was negotiating with the Collective. _Voyager_ was grasped by the Borg cube's tractor beam when it fled the scene, with our captain still inside. The planet and the Borg cubes left behind have been utterly destroyed by the bioships. The captain ordered Father to join her on the Borg cube to work on the weapon there. That was part of the agreement the captain made with the Collective.

I never thought I would see this day. The Borg and the crew of _Voyager_ are allies.

=/\=


	21. A Hello and a Goodbye

=/\=

 **Stardate 50995**

We have our very own Borg contingent on _Voyager_. How special. (I fear I'm becoming as sarcastic as Tom when it comes to the Borg. I'm still in shock.)

While Father and the captain were working with the "spokesBorg" on the cube, developing a weapon to deliver the modified nanoprobes against the bioships of Species 8472, the aliens attacked. The cube was destroyed, but just before that happened, _Voyager_ was released from the tractor beam holding it against the Borg vessel. Father, the captain, the Borg, and their supportive equipment (regeneration alcoves and instrumentation) were transported onto Cargo Bay 2. (I don't know what happened to Kes' airponics garden or the other items in the bay.)

Father has assigned me to guard duty to keep the Borg inside the cargo bay. The captain is lying in Sickbay in a medically-induced coma while the Doctor works on healing the injuries she sustained from the attack on the cube. Commander Chakotay is in command. He's . . . _extremely_ unhappy about having drones on board our ship. Seven of Nine, the "spokesBorg," is rude and abrasive towards everyone, including the commander. If the captain fails to recover quickly, I doubt very much the Borg contingent will be here for very long. I think the commander would love to find a way to get rid of them. I think I would, too.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50004**

It's all over. We traveled through a Borg-created quantum singularity and entered Species 8472's space, and then, after a short fight with its native inhabitants, managed to get out again. The only Borg drone left on _Voyager_ is Seven of Nine. She's now a de facto member of our crew. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say she's an "unwilling resident." Only time will tell which she will turn out to be. I predict it won't be an easy adjustment for her - or for us.

When the bridge crew detected an attempt by the Borg drones to create the opening, Commander Chakotay ordered the decompression of Cargo Bay 2. The drones were sucked outside the ship to perish in space - all but Seven of Nine, who was apparently at work in one of the Jeffries tubes trying to take control of navigation, and wasn't expelled along with her compatriots.

Unfortunately, despite the commander's efforts, an interdimensional rift was formed through the Borg's actions, and our ship was dragged through it, into the realm of Species 8472. I can't call it "space," because it really isn't. We were moving through matter, an organic fluid of some sort. Our crew couldn't detect any stars or planets there. Almost immediately, four bioships rushed to attack _Voyager_. The weapons worked on the bioships as they were designed to do, however, and we were able to travel back through the rift into our own space.

By the time we entered the fluid realm, the captain was back on the bridge. She wasn't happy with the commander's decision to end the alliance with the Borg, even though it was clear the Collective never had any intention of living up to its side of the bargain. When Seven of Nine coldly informed the captain the alliance had ended and the Borg would assimilate everyone on _Voyager_ immediately, however, the command team initiated their backup plan.

When Dr. Frazier and her group healed Commander Chakotay of his injuries months ago, the neural transceiver they'd used on him was left in his possession. He used its link to distract Seven of Nine while B'Elanna created a power surge, severing Seven of Nine's connection with the Collective. It's her turn to lie motionless in Sickbay, while the captain and the commander debate about what to do with her.

The only way we could return her to the Borg, which she undoubtedly would prefer, would be to leave her on a planet somewhere so they could retrieve her. However, from statements she made to the captain and the commander, as well as the Doctor's examination of her, we know she's a human being who was assimilated eighteen years ago, when she was just a child. Without the guidance of the Hive mind, how long could she last on the surface of a planet by herself? She may be a technological marvel, but in many ways, she's a child without survival skills.

To add to the conundrum, her implants have begun to fail as her human cells have started to reassert themselves. She will need medical interventions by the Doctor for some time. As long as that's true, we can't simply drop her off somewhere to let her die. Although I suspect the commander would be happy to get rid of her, I don't think even he'd be willing to advocate that radical a solution.

The captain and the commander have been very close ever since their time on New Earth, so much so that some of the crew (well, mainly Tom) speculates they were more than merely friendly during the time they were marooned there. This rift in their relationship is serious. If it continues, will it stir up bad feelings between our Maquis and Starfleet crews again? I hope not. While we've slipped into an area of space that is not as thick with Borg as the area around the Northwest Passage, the danger from the Collective is far from over. We need our command team to be in accord and working smoothly together. We can't afford a permanent breach.

 **Addendum**

I forgot to record one very important fact. We found out Species 8472 did not invade our galaxy without cause. The Borg entered their realm first and attempted to assimilate them. Kes still maintains they wish to destroy all life in our space. I wonder. Are they truly so malevolent, or are they simply . . . seriously . . . pissed off? I know, I know. It's not professional to include that sort of language in a personal log entry, but Dad would put it here. It fits. So I will, too.

We had the upper hand when _Voyager_ was in their fluidic space. We defended ourselves from their attack, but that's all we did. I hope that will mean something to them if we ever encounter the species again.

It would be better, of course, if we never did.

=/\=

 **Stardate 50031**

This was a very sad day. I think I saw it coming. I know Kes herself did, from our talk after Ahni died. Father thought she was unable to control her powers because of her insistence that she could see "beneath the subatomic" and damaged _Voyager's_ structural integrity. He could be right.

Or maybe it really was Kes' time for her _morelogium_.

When Kes told me about the lifetime she'd lived backwards, from death to gestation, the implications it might have on how much longer she would live never occurred to me. If she did live those years, though, and returned to this timeline with the wear and tear of that other life on her body, she had already lived much longer than the nine years the Ocampa in their caverns accept as their normal lifespan. If the "lost" time stream and her current age of four are added together, Kes would now be thirteen. Perhaps she _has_ simply reached the natural end of her days. I choose to believe that's the case. It will make it easier to accept what's happened to her. She's gone. We've lost her.

Kes was eager to develop her mental powers because she wanted to prove the stories about her people's psychic abilities were factual, not mythological. In the manner of her passing, as well as the abilities she's displayed during the past few years, I believe she's done just that. Her telepathic link with Species 8472 was real enough. The Doctor detected changes in her brain indicative of such ability. The way the molecular structure of our ship was affected by her powers was certainly real enough, too. And what can I say about the push she gave our ship during her last few moments of corporeal life? Kes and the shuttle on which she was traveling didn't explode, exactly; but as her matter and the shuttle's were transformed into pure energy, our ship was propelled nine and a half thousand light years closer to the Alpha Quadrant, almost as quickly as the _Cochrane_ traveled when Tom took it to Warp 10. It's fortunate all of us weren't transformed, perhaps - no, I won't go there.

This is not a time for crude jokes. I'm writing a personal memorial about a person I'd once loved, in a romantic way, first; then as a son loves the person he believes will become his stepmother; and finally, as a good friend. I'm very glad now that Kes and I had that talk a few weeks ago, when we agreed we could still be friends, but nothing more. From the way she looked when she left me that evening, I think that was a sad acknowledgement for her to make. We had other chances to associate with each other after that, but not many. So much was happening, thanks to the Borg and Species 8472. We're still working to repair _Voyager_ in the aftermath.

I didn't get to speak with Kes right before she left, although she did get the chance to say goodbye to Captain Janeway, Dad and Father. I'm okay with that. I'll always view our visit after Ahni's death as our goodbye.

So, in place of Kes, who may or may not have had her _morelogium_ pushed forward by all that telepathic contact from Species 8472, we have acquired a replacement. She's a blonde, like Kes, but her personality is as different from Kes' as one can possibly imagine. Seven of Nine has a wicked tongue. She's extremely angry - petulant, even - because the captain broke her link with the Collective and refuses to let her return to drone-hood. She's acting like a child.

Wait. I should step back and look at this more objectively. From all we've learned about the baby girl who was given the name Annika Hansen by her unconventional parents twenty-four years ago, she spent the last eighteen years as Borg after only six as a human child. Maybe she's acting _exactly_ like a child of six who has been thwarted in her desire to return to "her people."

I will try to give Seven of Nine the benefit of the doubt. I wish I could believe she will be as positive a force on _Voyager_ that Kes was. Right now, I cannot. I can only hope I'm wrong.

=/\=


	22. A Matter of Honor

=/\=

 **Stardate 51045**

We're still removing the "additions" made by the Borg drones during their occupation of _Voyager_. The captain is allowing many to remain in place. In some sections of the ship, our Starfleet technology seems to be working more efficiently because of the Borg "improvements." Captain Janeway can be very pragmatic. On the day the Maquis were added to _Voyager's_ roster, after the _Val Jean_ was sacrificed to keep the Caretaker's Array away from the Kazon, the captain told us we would look for shortcuts home and would search for new technologies which might help us get to the Alpha Quadrant faster. This Borg equipment certainly qualifies.

While we're removing many Borg parts from the ship, we're not getting rid of them unless they're unsalvageable. We may find a use for them at some point. For example, with only one Borg on the ship now, eight regeneration alcoves are far more than we need. When we examined them closely, we discovered four alcoves were connected as a single unit. Separating one from the others can be done, but rather than take the time doing that to obtain the one that's necessary to keep Seven's remaining implants working properly, the captain decided to leave one bank of four in place. Who knows? Maybe we'll collect a few more former Borg someday! The other unit was broken down, and the pieces were saved. B'Elanna isn't happy about having "that Borg" on the ship, but she expressed an interest in experimenting with some of the hardware and circuitry. The captain acceded to her chief engineer's wishes. I think the captain hopes B'Elanna will become another mentor to Seven. That could happen - in a decade or two, perhaps.

The captain hoped Seven would answer to her original name of Annika, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. She's allowing us to just call her "Seven," however. I guess that's progress. I must say, thanks to the Doctor's surgical wizardry, which has returned her to a more human appearance, Seven looks . . . spectacular. She has some circuitry on her left hand and a few implants visible on her face now, but he stimulated her hair follicles so that she has a nice crop of blond hair on her head. Her new prosthetic eye matches her biological one perfectly. The Doctor prescribed a skin-tight therapeutic suit to support her body tissues as she heals from the removal of her implants. She looks android-like because of the silvery material. He's never explained why she's wearing such tall spike heels, however. I understand she requires a substantial heel on her shoes because implants that run along her Achilles tendon can't be removed, but they make walking around in flat shoes uncomfortable. But why those skinny spikes? I should think she'd maintain a more stable balance with thicker heels.

Tom was joking around about the Doctor's "reconstruction" of Seven. He thinks the spike heels have more to do with the Doctor's need for . . . stimulation . . . rather than for Seven's comfort. But, as Tom said, he's a pilot, not a physician.

Now, as long as she refrains from knocking Harry or anyone else over the head, eschews all attempts to contact the Collective, and manages to be less belligerent when anyone asks her a question, perhaps life with Seven will become a little easier for everyone - maybe even for B'Elanna, although I'm not very confident about that.

Speaking of B'Elanna, Tom is doing his best to court her, although they still seem to be in the "flirting with a friend" stage. He found out about a Klingon holiday, and he suggested she might want to participate in a Day of Honor-themed holodeck program. It's quite a solemn event. On this day, Klingons evaluate how well they've upheld their personal honor over the previous year. Then they challenge themselves to do even better in the year to come. Even Tom was surprised when B'Elanna agreed to participate in it. During the little free time they have available, they've been designing the program together. It sounds quite interesting. I'd like to visit this program sometime - after B'Elanna has celebrated the day in the program first, of course.

That will be a few weeks from now, assuming _Voyager_ doesn't run into any more problems in the immediate future. A vain hope, I imagine, but I will hold onto it for as long as I can. We've had more than our share of trouble during the past few months, thanks to a long-dead Cardassian who tried to kill Father and Tom on the Holodeck, the Nyrians displacing our crew in order to steal _Voyager_ , our imprisonment in the Voth city-ship, and getting pulled into the vicious fight between the Borg and Species 8472.

When I put it like that, it doesn't seem likely we'll be enjoying a routine existence anytime soon, does it? But one can hope.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51079**

Father assigned me to guard Seven during our first attempt to form a transwarp corridor. Our engineers fashioned a transwarp coil from some of the Borg leftover parts, but B'Elanna was worried about how compatible it would be with Federation technology. As Lieutenant Chapman told me afterwards, B'Elanna was already having a bad day. Her sonic shower malfunctioned, and she "got chippy" with Tom when he came by to ask her if she was "going through with it." Mr. Chapman didn't know what he meant, but I knew Tom was asking if she was going to run the Day of Honor holodeck program they'd developed.

When Commander Chakotay came to B'Elanna and asked her to take advantage of Seven's expertise in the transwarp experiment, she insisted she didn't want Seven working in Engineering. The commander pulled rank on her. Lieutenant Chapman told me, "The chief looked like she'd just been slapped when the commander ordered her to allow Seven be part of the experiment." So I was there, guarding Seven, when the experiment turned into a disaster.

If I'd been there with Lieutenant Chapman, I think I'd have suggested that B'Elanna find an excuse to call the experiment off, citing "technical difficulties which we need to resolve first." Enough was already going wrong that a delay would be justified, if only to see why tachyons were getting into the warp core. Thanks to my fathers' memories, I know that isn't a good thing. The captain was eager to try out this technology, however; and what the captain wants, the captain gets. They only planned on initiating the subspace field with a tachyon burst, the first step in forming a transwarp conduit. They initiated the burst, but the conduit never formed. Tachyons flooded the warp core; they couldn't stop it; and finally, B'Elanna had to order the core to be ejected. Instead of traveling at transwarp speeds, _Voyager_ couldn't do better than full impulse, at best, until the warp core was retrieved and purged of tachyon contamination.

When all of us were clustered in the corridor outside Engineering, after we were forced to evacuate, she muttered to Tom, "Welcome to the worst day of my life."

Unfortunately, it was about to get worse.

The Caatati is a species that looks rather Voth-like. Since their civilization and almost all of their people were wiped out by the Borg, they've been reduced to begging for food, medicine, and the thorium isotopes they need to power their technology. The first ship that came by, before the experiment went awry, was led by Rahmin. He was grateful for what we shared with his people and went on his way. The next group that approached us was led by Lumas, a very pushy and rude individual. When the captain couldn't agree to his demands, which would have stripped us of all our food and supplies, he threatened to take what he wanted. Normally, _Voyager_ would have been powerful enough to simply leave the Caatati behind in the interstellar dust. However, without a warp core, our vessel was no match for Lumas' fleet.

Tom and B'Elanna had taken the _Cochrane_ to search for the warp core, right after Lumas issued his threats. By the time they found it, Lumas had, too. When B'Elanna tried to disrupt the Caatati tractor beam without damaging the core, the Caatati's countermeasures blew up the _Cochrane_. Tom and B'Elanna managed to jump into EV suits and transport out of the shuttle before it exploded, but they were stranded in space, awaiting rescue. (We're severely short of shuttles right now and haven't had a chance to replace the one Kes took. If we'd had another that was space-worthy, Tom and B'Elanna wouldn't have been searching for the core on their own.)

The Caatati left Tom and B'Elanna floating in space and brought the core back to _Voyager_. They wanted _ALL_ our food, medical supplies, and thorium isotopes in exchange for its return. Fortunately, Seven came up with a solution which hadn't occurred to her when Rahmin came to ask us for help. She was able to construct a small energy matrix that would produce enough thorium isotopes each day to power one of their ships. The device would serve as a template for the Caatati to build one for each of their vessels. Seven also offered them schematics for the device and components, allowing them to begin constructing more right away. With sufficient power, the Caatati's own replicator technology can meet their needs for food and medicine.

Once we'd stabilized the warp core and reinstalled it, we went after Tom and B'Elanna. Ion turbulence had caused both of their suits to leak oxygen, and they were literally seconds from death. We were lucky to get to them when we did. They've been treated for oxygen deprivation, and the Doctor assures us they'll be fine.

 _Voyager_ will be limited to impulse speeds for the next day or two while we complete repairs to the core. The shuttle construction crew has promised the captain that at least two more shuttles will be operational within the next two days. It's obvious we need them!

I never did find out if B'Elanna went through with the Day of Honor program. Dad told me he offered her a traditional meal of Rokeg Blood Pie and encouraged her to go to the holodeck to "celebrate the day." Dad believes it's important for people to honor their traditions. It wouldn't surprise me if she never got the chance, considering everything that happened today. Tom might know. When he's released from Sickbay, I'll ask him about it.

 **Addendum**

According to Tom, B'Elanna started the program, but she didn't finish it. I was sorry to hear that. So, even more went wrong for B'Elanna than I already knew. Something else seemed to be bothering Tom, too, but when I asked him about it, he changed the subject and started joking around. Whenever he does that, I know he doesn't want to talk about whatever it is anymore. Tom and B'Elanna worked on that program together. I guess he's very disappointed she didn't like it.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51081**

B'Elanna has been very busy, cleaning up after the transwarp experiment disaster. The captain has agreed not to pursue this technology again unless we can obtain a real transwarp coil from a Borg vessel. We could have gotten a coil from the wreckage of one of those fifteen Borg cubes, the ones the bioships attacked. We didn't have time for a salvage operation then, of course, and we had no idea we'd ever want one, either. Maybe someday we'll be able to salvage one from another wreck. I don't expect Captain Janeway will forget about finding a way to use a transwarp conduit. She'll be on the lookout for a working coil, we can be sure of that.

While I was off duty this morning, I offered my services to B'Elanna. She accepted gratefully and had me check the magnetic constrictors, to make sure they were undamaged. When we took a break, I asked her if she'd visited the Day of Honor program as she'd planned. She was annoyed at first, but then she admitted she didn't finish it. When the Klingon Master who was leading her through the program asked her about her "courageous deeds" during the past year, she thought it was silly - especially since she thought she didn't have any "courageous deeds" to announce. I was surprised, and I told her so. "What about the way you boarded Dreadnought to keep it from destroying an entire world? How you made the Enarans face their genocidal past? And when _Voyager_ was in such trouble because of the Borg and Species 8472, didn't you break Seven's link with the Collective, which allowed us to escape assimilation?"

She said she was only doing her duty when she broke Seven's link. "Since I was the one who reprogrammed Dreadnought, I was only correcting a wrong I'd already committed when I stopped it from killing all those people - or everyone on _Voyager_. You know the captain would have intercepted Dreadnought with this ship to blow it up before it could destroy that planet. And Korenna Mirell was the courageous one. She shared her memories of the Enaran atrocities with me, at the cost of her life, so I could pass them on the Jessen."

I begged to differ. "You didn't have to risk your life by going onto a weapon of mass destruction to keep it from killing millions. And just because you had help from Korenna, or were 'only doing your duty,' that doesn't negate your personal heroism. If you decide to finish that program, remember that. You _do_ have great deeds to tout that even a Klingon Master would accept as heroic." I had to go on duty then, so I couldn't continue our discussion, but at least she hadn't blown up at me. When I left her, she seemed to be thinking very seriously about what I'd said.

I find it amazing that someone as accomplished and brave as B'Elanna Torres doesn't see it in herself. I hope she does go back to that program, whether it's on the actual Day of Honor or not. Tom is always saying she shouldn't run away from who she is. And he's right.

=/\=


	23. Hidden Motives

=/\=

 **Stardate 51084**

Today the captain granted Father the rank of lieutenant commander. I was so proud. It's just the second promotion she's given out since our ship arrived in the Delta Quadrant. The only other was to Lieutenant Rollins, who was promoted at the same time Captain Janeway granted Tom Paris, Commander Chakotay, B'Elanna Torres, and the other Maquis provisional appointments to make them part of our crew. Father has earned his new rank. He might have achieved this rank before, if _Voyager_ had never come to the Delta Quadrant.

I imagine Captain Janeway may have had another reason to do this now. The last few months have been extremely difficult, or, to quote Tom, "Brutal!" Everyone's morale needed a bit of a lift. It's ironic that Father would deny it was necessary in his case - even though I'm sure it was. I know my own morale would be substantially improved if the captain should promote me. And Ensign Harry Kim is constantly reminding us that if he were on a ship in the Alpha Quadrant, by now he'd be a lieutenant j.g. - at least. In my very humble opinion, both of us have demonstrated the ability to serve at a higher level, but we must be patient. We don't know how long it will be before we're able to communicate with Starfleet Command. Until then, no one's provisional rank can be confirmed. Under these circumstances, I do not feel slighted by remaining at the junior grade level. If the normal pattern of promotions were maintained on _Voyager_ , we would be a ship full of commanders and admirals in twenty years. That's impractical.

When the captain spoke with Dad to arrange a little celebration to mark the occasion, Dad told her it was the perfect opportunity to hold a formal dinner. The captain thanked him for his thoughtfulness, but she decided buffet service would be more than adequate. She did authorize what is commonly called a "roast," however. Various crew members shared stories about Father, some very complimentary, and some which were humorous or embarrassing.

Harry and Tom talked about some of the pranks they've pulled on Father. They've altered his holodeck programs, which tend to be exceedingly solemn, by inserting humorous elements that surprise him whenever he encounters them. Once they reprogrammed Father's tactical station to say, "Live long and prosper," whenever he entered a command. On the same day, whenever he requested a food item from his replicator, it said the same thing.

The captain spoke about an incident during her first command. Father "dressed her down" in front of three admirals for instituting improper tactical procedures. With a smile, she admitted, "He was right." She congratulated Father for his "outstanding service" and pinned a new black-centered pip onto his collar to join the two metallic ones, to a hearty round of applause.

Father was permitted to give a few remarks of his own. He began by saying that had he known promotion would entail "ritual humiliation," he might have declined the honor. He went on to say he'd gained a great deal of respect towards many of us. Then he looked straight at Tom and Harry and said, "Others, I have learned to tolerate." No one laughed harder than Tom and Harry. He finished with a promise to do his best to secure safe passage for everyone back to the Alpha Quadrant, adding the Vulcan salute, and repeating the admonition to "Live long, and prosper." I must confess, my Talaxian side was showing. I was misty-eyed throughout the event.

As people got up from their seats and began to socialize, as they often do at affairs such as this, I noticed B'Elanna slipping out of the Mess Hall rather hastily. Tom ran after her. I'm not sure exactly what they said to each other, but the next thing I saw was Tom "snogging" B'Elanna. (That's a humorous term for the way they were kissing, as Harry shared with me afterwards.) They were certainly . . . enthusiastic. I'm not sure how long it might have gone on like that if they hadn't been interrupted. For some reason, our EMH loves to take any opportunity to annoy Tom. It would bother me if Tom wasn't so adept at needling the Doctor back. Whatever the Doctor said made B'Elanna scuttle away, while Tom, in some distress, replied in a very carrying tone of voice, "You want _me_ to be the new _nurse?_ "

As I learned later from Tom, that's exactly what the Doctor ordered - with the captain's blessing, of course. In fact, Tom is in charge of Sickbay at this moment. The Doctor and B'Elanna have been called away on an away mission. A distress call was received from an isomorphic projection - another term, apparently, for a holographic being like our Doctor. The crew on the isomorph's ship had all died from a fatal virus. He was alone and sounded frightened. So, right after Tom and B'Elanna have ended another extended period of mutual avoidance, they've been separated before they can truly "enjoy" each other's company.

 **Addendum**

I understand Harry will be working with a lovely young woman, too, although his partner in the new Astrometrics laboratory project has proven to be even more difficult to deal with than B'Elanna sometimes is. Commander Chakotay has assigned Ensign Kim to work with Seven of Nine, to incorporate her knowledge of Borg systems with Federation technology, to improve our star-mapping capability. As of its launch less than four years ago, _Voyager's_ systems were state of the art. That's not likely to be the case now; but it will be again once Seven and Harry are finished.

Starry-eyed Ensign Harry Kim and the very pragmatic, socially clueless Seven of Nine, together again despite Seven's assault on Harry only weeks ago. This promises to be even more entertaining to observe than Tom and B'Elanna kissing in the corridor. I hope Tom's field medic skills are up to the task

 **Addendum #2**

Harry and Seven have already made a trip into Sickbay this afternoon. No head trauma was involved on this occasion, fortunately. While they were working in a Jeffries tube, Seven sustained a hand laceration. As a Borg, she was used to seeing her nanoprobes heal a simple injury like this within minutes. This time the wound was bleeding freely, which upset Seven because she thought she had become "weak." Tom treated her hand, but he had a message for his friend, too. Mr. Kim is often attracted to women who are unattainable, or, as Tom puts it, "out of his league." He could see that starry-eyed look in Harry's eye this time, too. Tom didn't tell me exactly what he told his friend when I spoke with him afterwards, but it isn't hard to figure out. Tom was warning him to take things very slow. I think even Naomi Wildman knows Harry has a massive crush on Seven.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51085**

B'Elanna is back. Tom wasn't sorry to be in Sickbay when they returned, although the injury to her heart from that murderous isomorphic projection was alarming. He assisted the Doctor with B'Elanna's treatment and then "placed her under observation" for the EMH that evening. In B'Elanna's quarters.

From the wide grins I saw spreading over both of their faces when I passed by their table in the Mess Hall this morning, I thought, "Kes was right." She'd predicted it was only a matter of time before they admitted they loved one another. They finally had an opportunity to say the words to each other last night. They had other things on their minds when they were floating in space in their EV suits, such as surviving until they were rescued, to have any heart-to-heart chats about their affection for one another! Although, I must say, it would be just like them to have done something like that, wouldn't it?

Ah, young love. I wouldn't mind having a go at it myself one day. I'll just have to make sure my beloved is not an HD-25 Isomorphic Projection with homicidal tendencies. Dejaren murdered his crew because organics revolted him, shedding their skin and oily residue all over the vessel, making a mess of his ship, which he was expected to keep spotlessly clean. He also claimed the crew had treated him very badly, implying some sort of abuse. If true, that's an extremely disturbing allegation. It might explain how his program became so terribly unstable. Since Dejaren attacked B'Elanna when she was simply trying to help him survive, however, I'd say his claims could have been a fabrication to justify the snuffing out of six organic lives. When he was about to kill B'Elanna, too, she managed to permanently deactivate Dejaren's holomatrix.

I understand the Doctor brought Dejaren's holographic pet fish program home with him. "Spectrum" can serve as a reminder that a photonic being can be a little _TOO_ fastidious when it comes to organics like us. At least the EMH won't have to worry about cleaning the fishbowl.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51087**

Harry and Seven have finished the schematics for the upgraded Astrometrics lab.

When Harry handed the plans to Commander Chakotay, the commander asked him to work with Seven again, to supervise the lab's actual construction. According to the rumor mill, Harry wanted to decline the honor. That surprised me. Harry's always hinting about wanting a promotion to lieutenant. Turning down assignments like this won't endear him to the captain and commander. He should willingly take on more responsibility and volunteer his services, to provide more justification for a raise in rank.

When I asked Tom if there was any basis to the rumor going around the ship, he said, "It's a long story, Tuvix. Harry had a slight nervous breakdown the other day, and the only thing I'm authorized to say at this time is that Harry and Seven will _not_ be visiting any holodeck programs together in the immediate future."

I thought that went without saying. The real story must be fascinating. Maybe I'll find out what it is some day. And maybe not.

=/\=


	24. Stolen Lifetimes

=/\=

 **Stardate 51120**

Seven attacked Dad today. She was sitting down to eat her first meal in eighteen years, and Dad could see how apprehensive she was about making such a major transition in her lifestyle. Suddenly, new Borg implants began to burst through her skin. When Dad came to her assistance, she struck him down and ran out of the Mess Hall. After arming herself with one of our biggest phaser rifles, Seven was running towards the shuttle bay when Father, Andrews, and I tried to stop her. Despite our best efforts to prevent it, she stole a shuttle and fled into B'omar space. She'd enabled her Borg shielding, and our phaser fire didn't affect her. Although we did have our phasers set on stun, I don't even think the kill setting could have penetrated that shield.

Dad wasn't really hurt, but he was puzzled. "My _chabre-cab_ doesn't usually have that effect on people." I might have thought Dad was joking at another time, but I could tell how disturbed he was. He'd simply said the first thing that came into his head.

While there's never a good time for something like this to happen, it's especially bad now. The captain has been trying to negotiate _Voyager's_ passage through the space of the B'omar, a very prickly people. They've been completely unreasonable, insisting on such severe speed and route restrictions, we might be better off going around their space and forgetting about a shortcut. They view Seven's behavior as a deliberate insult and vow to stop her. They won't listen to our explanations about how new and tentative her adaptation to individuality is. I'm on the team that's been assigned to search her cargo bay, looking for clues that indicate where she was going, and, just as importantly, why.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51124**

After Captain Janeway read Harry's translation of Seven's personal log entries, which were written in Borg alphanumeric code, she realized where Seven was going. I was not given the details about this revelation, but Father and Tom were ordered to take a shuttle and drift over the border of B'omar space to search for her. I hope they find her before the B'omar do. They've promised to destroy the "Borg" if they find her before Father and Tom do.

My attitude towards Seven has altered considerably since she first came on _Voyager_. Now that I know more about what happened to her, I see her as a helpless victim of the Borg. Seven did not become Borg by her own free will. No one does. It's very sad, because everyone hates them - not without reason, I'm afraid - but the individual drones have no control over what they do. That's all decided for them by the Hive mind. When they say, "Resistance is futile," it's true of the drones, as well. They have no power to resist.

Seven is an individual now, who supposedly does have control over her actions; but choosing which option would be best, or even the least damaging, is a skill she's never developed. She has much to learn before she does. Since she was assimilated as a child and grew up in a maturation chamber, being indoctrinated as a Borg all the while, she often acts impulsively, like a child - even when she isn't dealing with implants erupting through her skin. She's strong-willed, true, but the open hostility she displayed when she first came to _Voyager_ was prompted by fear of the unknown, not a naturally nasty disposition. She'd never _had_ the chance to develop a disposition of her own. Her parents were assimilated at the same time she was, and she's lived without any affection for the past eighteen years. I find that incredibly sad. Pathetic.

Father would suggest I deal with these feelings through meditative techniques. I'm not sure that's the way I would want to deal with them. It is not a failing to feel pity for those who suffer, especially when they didn't do anything to bring it upon themselves.

Whenever I think of my brave brother Neevok, who willingly gave up his life as an independent being so that Dad, Father, and his twin brother Tuvix could live theirs, I feel sad; but I also feel very grateful to him for his sacrifice. Although Vulcans endeavor to purge all emotion, I would never want the ones I feel for Neevok to be expunged. The sorrow I feel over Seven's lost childhood, and that some hate her before she's shown any aggression towards them - those are feelings that _should_ never leave me.

Father often becomes annoyed because of Dad's emotional displays. I don't. At times like this, I'm glad I'm also a Talaxian.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51219**

Seven is back in the fold, and the captain is very glad to have her. I am, too. I hope she'll become more content with her life on _Voyager_ from now on. This experience was a sobering one for all of us, but especially for her.

When she saw Harry's translation of Seven's log, which described disturbing visions she'd been experiencing of a large bird, Captain Janeway realized what had called Seven away. Once she made the connection that the bird was a raven, the name of the Hansen family's vessel, Captain Janeway was sure her flight was connected to that ship.

When Tom and Father's shuttle caught up with Seven's, Father transported to her ship and offered to accompany her to where she thought the Borg would be waiting for her to return her to the Collective. They traveled to an M-class moon, where they discovered the ruins of a Federation vessel, _The Raven,_ perched precariously at the edge of a cliff. The Borg had stripped it of all the technology they'd wanted years before. The dedication plate with the ship's name on the wall meant nothing to them, so they'd left it. That plate meant a lot to Seven when she brushed the dust of eighteen years off its face.

The Borg habitually leave a beacon behind, which emits a distinct resonance frequency to guide a drone who is separated from the Collective back to them. When _Voyager_ approached B'omar space, it came close enough to the beacon, which reactivated the inert drone-making nanoprobes in Seven's bloodstream. That's what caused those new implants to sprout. Walking through her family's ship with Father caused something else to sprout: the long-buried memories of her family's assimilation. Father admitted it was "moving" to hear Seven speaking in a little child's voice, as she did when she described the six candles on her birthday cake, "with one to grow on" - and her terror when the "big man" picked her up and carried her away to "someplace else." Where she became Borg.

The B'omar followed them to the moon and began to fire on the wrecked vessel. Father managed to copy a substantial volume of data from the barely operational backup computer before he helped Seven squeeze out of the hull, just before The Raven collapsed and fell down the cliff. _Voyager_ disabled the B'omar weapons arrays (as good as a declaration of war, the B'omar ambassador coldly informed us) and retrieved Father, Seven, Tom, and our shuttles. We've flown out of B'omar space at high warp.

There will be no shortcut through their space, but none of us cares about that now. Why spend any more time dealing with such small-minded people? The Delaney sisters have submitted a course to the captain which circles around B'omar space. It shouldn't take us much more time to travel that way then it would if we took the course through their territory they had demanded. With all its twists and turns, and with the B'omar's restrictions in warp speeds, it only _seemed_ to be a more direct route towards the Alpha quadrant. The "slower" path is the better one.

The Doctor has adjusted Seven's implants to prevent a similar frequency from reactivating her drone-making nanoprobes, and he's surgically removed the implants that grew back. She again looks like the Seven we've grown used to seeing, but I do wonder how this experience will affect her mental state, and her view of herself. Father asked her if she wished him to administer a mind meld, to help her sort out and deal with the memories that are no longer buried deep within her subconscious. She rejected the proposal, but not with the vehemence she often shows.

When Father told me this, I suggested he should exercise the patience he extols as necessary for a Vulcan to live successfully with highly emotional human beings. I reminded him that Seven may be biologically human, but in essence, she's more like B'Elanna Torres, Naomi Wildman - or me. Like us, she's essentially a hybrid, a blending of two races. She's not totally human anymore, but she's no longer all Borg, either. Like us, Seven must learn to balance the disparate, often clashing aspects of a "/" person as she journeys through life.

"An astute observation," he said. From Father, high praise indeed.


	25. Out-of-Phase

=/\=

 **Stardate 51239**

Many of the crew have complained of various types of discomfort over the past couple of weeks. The captain has been afflicted with terrible migraine headaches. Ensign Brooks and Mr. Ayala have been, too. Lieutenant Carey has suffered from debilitating back pain. It hasn't responded to any of the Doctor's treatments, although all of his scans have failed to reveal a structural cause for Mr. Carey's pain. Sleep deprivation, muscle aches, vomiting, and abdominal cramps have all been reported by members of our crew. The Doctor has ruled out radiation as a cause for the crew's symptoms, even though we've been investigating a binary pulsar system for the past week.

I've been spared any medical issues thus far. Father has not complained of any, either; but for some reason, Dad's body has begun to change, becoming more like his great-great grandfather, who was Mylean. No matter how often he bathes, his sweat glands emit a powerful, extremely unpleasant odor, and his vision is deteriorating. Commander Chakotay is in even worse shape. Within hours, without any other symptoms to explain why, he's aged decades. The half of his tattoo that's usually hidden beneath his hair is now visible, because he's suddenly gone bald. He's losing his hearing Since we have no way to explain these ills, we're all worried about what might happen to us next.

The captain asked me to take over Dad's mess hall duties full time for as long as he's incapacitated. Since Father was willing to release me from my scheduled shifts in his department, I agreed. The crew is suffering. The last thing anyone needs is to endure Dad's body odor when they're trying to eat, especially if they're already feeling ill.

I hope that whatever Dad's condition is, it's not catching. I've inherited Father's Vulcan sense of smell. I don't fancy my own body smelling like Dad's. The stench would make _me_ sick.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51241**

The situation is getting really serious. The Doctor and B'Elanna were in the medical lab attached to Sickbay, investigating Dad's and the commander's DNA, when B'Elanna suddenly couldn't breathe. We lost the Doctor's program at the same time. Tom's attempts to reactivate the EMH program has failed. We hope B'Elanna can get him back once she recovers. She's on life support, and Seven has yet to receive the training she needs to serve as B'Elanna's backup for servicing the EMH. Sickbay became so crowded, Dad and Commander Chakotay were brought to their own quarters to rest. Without knowing the causes, Tom can't treat either of their conditions successfully.

Father and I spoke briefly about what happened in the medical lab. Both the Doctor and B'Elanna were "deactivated" at virtually the same time, while they were investigating DNA samples under our most powerful microscope. I suggested this couldn't be coincidental and speculated an invasion of some sort may be imminent.

Father has considered this possibility, but he's discounted it. Nothing has shown up on our security scans to confirm any form of intelligence is operating here. No other ships have been detected in the vicinity. While I have to admit it's not very likely, I'm not willing to reject this hypothesis out of hand. While I'm busy cooking, I'll keep my eyes and ears open.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51244**

Since the end of the crisis caused by the Srivani, the Doctor and Tom have been very busy, treating the various ills imposed upon our crew by the out-of-phase medical researchers. Their ethics were far beyond merely questionable. If the captain was willing to let them proceed, their leader told her, they'd magnanimously share their results with us, and "fatalities would be minimal." If Captain Janeway was unwilling for us to be used as lab rats, they planned to continue their studies anyway, killing all their "test subjects" once they were done.

They didn't get a chance to finish their data collection. When, as Father told me later, the captain recklessly drove _Voyager_ between the pulsing binary stars in the system, the stresses on our ship's hull should have caused its destruction. We made it through. The Srivani scientists, who panicked and tried to escape in their invisible little ships, left their departure for too late. Theirs were too fragile to withstand the binary's gravimetric pressures. All were destroyed.

Father acknowledged he should have been more aggressive in pursuing my insight concerning how unlikely it was for the Doctor and B'Elanna both to be "deactivated" simultaneously. Since so many of the crew were becoming incapacitated, he'd concluded B'Elanna's illness was simply another one caused by the mystery plagues. He admitted he was disconcerted he'd missed obvious signs that a malevolent intelligence may have been responsible, since so many of the crew had been afflicted at the same time. Compounding his error, after Seven discovered the out-of-phase researchers and was working in Engineering at a plan to reveal their presence, he tried to prevent her from her work without giving her sufficient time to explain herself. Had Seven not grabbed a phaser and fired it at one of the invisible aliens so she could be seen, our crew might still be suffering from their abusive ministrations.

The captain's headaches were caused by invisible needles set into her skull. Her dopamine levels had been raised to such an extent, the researcher was surprised Captain Janeway could function at all. Father has now attributed her "reckless behavior on the bridge" to their experiments.

We might have been able to consider this incident a quirky First Contact experience if no one had a suffered permanent injury. However, when the researchers were insisting we let them finish their experiments, Ensign Claudia Craig collapsed on the bridge and died of a cerebral hemorrhage, caused by the aliens, who increased her blood pressure to fatal levels.

In general, I can forgive species such as the Caatati, even though they almost caused the death of Tom and B'Elanna. They were desperate and trying to survive any way they could, although in an extremely dysfunctional manner. And Tom and B'Elanna didn't die. I cannot forgive the Srivani. Those researchers used us for their experiments without bothering to ask us to volunteer our services. They killed Ensign Craig to intimidate our captain into cooperating with them. Their behavior was outrageous and led to the death of an entire crew - theirs. As I see it, they got what they deserved.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51252**

Our new Astrometrics lab became operational today. I was at a secondary bridge station at the time, so I was present when it came online. The views of the galaxy displayed on our viewscreen were impressive, I must say. Everyone was in an expansive mood. Seven didn't show much emotion at the accomplishment, but Harry glowed with pride.

I haven't heard about the pair visiting any romantic holodeck programs while they were working together. Yes, the story of why Harry was so eager to pass on the Astrometrics lab construction job to someone else has become common knowledge. Just about everyone has heard it by now. One night, he tried to push Borg-human cultural relationships a little too enthusiastically by suggesting they take a midnight stroll through the Ktarian moonrise holodeck program. When Seven expressed a willingness to push their relationship a lot farther along, and much more quickly, than Harry had in mind, he became completely unglued.

Many of our crew have teased Harry about his reluctance to take advantage of Seven's naiveté. Personally, I applaud his restraint. She's not mature enough for explorations of single-sex reproductive activities as of yet. It's possible she never will be. But Harry's actions compare favorably with Tom's in the Sakari caverns, when he didn't take advantage of B'Elanna, at a time she was unable to think clearly because of the _pon farr_. In the long run, that hasn't harmed their friendship, or their ultimate romantic relationship!

At any rate, right after the lab opened, a ship approached ours. The ship's captain announced they were the Krenim and informed us we should avoid this area of space, since it is in dispute. The captain thanked him and ordered the change in route.

I remember the story Kes told me about the "Year of Hell," and of all the losses sustained during that difficult time. Kes told the captain enough about that experience to warn her to avoid the Krenim at all costs. I'm glad to see the captain has acted on that advice.

What a relief! The Year of Hell will never happen now.

=/\=


	26. Death of a Maiden

=/\=

 **Stardate 51367**

Most of our crew thought our visit to the world of the Mari was a pleasant interlude, when compared to what we've gone through recently with other races. Everyone's attitude changed after Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres was convicted of "aggravated violent thought resulting in grave bodily harm." When she was roughly shoved by one of the Mari, a desire to retaliate briefly crossed her mind, but she never acted on that thought and proceeded on her way. Later, when a lovely young woman named Talli was killed, the telepathic Mari blamed B'Elanna, even though she was in custody because of an earlier physical assault which they claimed was her fault. She shouldn't have been held responsible for that one, either.

The prescribed sentence for violent thought is to have the violent images purged through the use of an engramatic probe device. Nimira, the Mari's Chief Examiner, admitted there was a risk of some neurological damage, but she didn't think it would be "significant." B'Elanna is a blend of two races, neither of which the Mari had encountered before. How could Nimira know what the outcome of this procedure would be? B'Elanna's brain structure, like mine, is more complicated than most because of hybridization. They couldn't predict how the probe would affect B'Elanna.

Dad filed a diplomatic protest because he knew B'Elanna had done nothing wrong. Father, as _Voyager's_ Senior Tactical and Security Officer, investigated and discovered her angry reaction to being bumped had been provoked by criminals who intended to steal any thoughts of violent retaliation. A gang was involved who purveyed this sort of titillating imagery, which many of the telepathic Mari long to experience vicariously. They were operating beneath the noses of their leaders, who were totally unaware this sort of trafficking existed. After Father revealed the criminals' activities, the Mari leaders had to grapple with a way to deal with the dark side of their "ideal," supposedly non-violent society. Nimira had been one of the last security officers of the Mari; but just before _Voyager_ left orbit, we learned the Mari were reestablishing their security force in order to deal with criminals such as those who had so misused Lieutenant Torres.

Even before the incident with Lieutenant Torres created such an uproar, I didn't consider our visit to the Mari particularly pleasant. Tom and I went down to the planet during one of the first shore leave opportunities. Tom wanted to buy a present for B'Elanna. While he was in the marketplace buying something so personal, he didn't want me to see it, I wandered around, taking in the local scene. One man jostled and then glared at me. I apologized to him for the accident, although his body language suggested he expected me to react differently. Later, I realized I was the victim of the same sort of attack suffered by Lieutenant Torres; but since I didn't respond in the way the assailant hoped, there weren't any violent thoughts he could steal from me.

I spoke about this to Father just before making this log entry. He agrees my logic is sound. Then he asked me if I had been able to hear any of the Mari, who prefer to communicate telepathically. I confessed I never had. His brow furrowed in that way he has when his equilibrium has been disturbed. I asked him if he had been able to communicate with them without the use of verbal speech. He said he had.

Despite a year and a half of diligent practice, I've been unable to learn the Vulcan mind meld technique. I reconciled myself to this lack some time ago. It now seems likely I have no capacity to be telepathic in _any_ way. I must be more like Dad than Father in this regard. I will continue practicing meditation, however. Telepathy is not required for that discipline, and I find it helps center me when "too much Talaxian" begins to interfere with my ability to function logically. Perhaps I'm worrying needlessly, but if this limitation is real, as I'm now relatively certain it is, I must learn to accept it.

I'm disappointed I cannot please Father by becoming accomplished in all facets of Vulcan mental life, but it is what it is. That's a very useful human phrase I've learned from Tom and Harry, who say it often when they encounter something they know they'll be unable to change. Not being telepathic isn't so terrible. None of the humans, Bolians, Bajorans, or our half-Klingon are telepathic, any more than Dad and I are. In that aspect, I'm just one of the gang.

Now that I've seen how troublesome the Mari's telepathic abilities can be, I think I might be glad that I don't seem to have the capacity for it.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51370**

Dad is taking the death of Talli very hard. Until Tom told me about the date they'd made to spend time together that afternoon, right after she closed up her fruit and vegetable stand, I had no idea Dad had been on the verge of becoming romantically involved with her. He'd been standing nearby, waiting for her to be free. That's why he witnessed her murder.

Dad hasn't been involved with anyone in a romantic way since his breakup with Kes. Seeing Talli stabbed to death right in front of him - by a very elderly woman, no less - was excruciatingly painful. He denies he's depressed by what happened, but I can see the signs. I can't really blame him for feeling terrible about what he saw. A bright young life was snuffed out because the Mari have turned the very thought of a violent act into forbidden fruit, thereby driving it underground.

Countless examples of the futility of prohibitions like this have been documented on many worlds. Whenever something is forbidden, it entices a criminal element, such as Guill, Frane, and their thugs, to find a way to take advantage of those who wish to experience it. Guill's gang hadn't anticipated that the purveying of thoughts of violence might prod others into thoughtlessly copying what they'd seen in the illicit images they'd sold them. That's what they claimed after they were caught, of course. Since Frane committed an assault on B'Elanna to capture her thoughts about retaliating, the gang was hardly oblivious to their culpability.

Some acts must be forbidden. Murder, assault, theft: there is a whole list of crimes that have one factor in common: a person is harmed, sometimes fatally, by another's actions.

Perhaps the Mari need to learn to mitigate any violent thoughts their telepathic senses pick up, rather than expect to extinguish them entirely. It's a sad fact that conjuring up violent images can be addictive. But wouldn't it be better to develop the self-control necessary to avoid luxuriating in or reenacting such thoughts? Instead, the Mari have deluded themselves into thinking they've banished them from their citizens minds, and express shock and blame a visitor whenever violent thoughts explode from their people in a brutal, even murderous way.

When the Mari use their engramatic purge machine on someone's brain, I very much doubt the violent images have been totally excised, as Nimira claimed. They're only buried deeper, where they can fester and become even more damaging. Guill had previously been convicted of violent thoughts on several occasions and treated by the probe. If he truly had been "cured," why would he be drawn towards participating in his criminal acts again?

Father was able to halt B'Elanna's procedure only a few minutes after it began, when he identified the true culprits and presented them to the Chief Examiner. A few violent engrams were removed, but, as B'Elanna said with good humor afterwards, she still has plenty more where they came from. Her brain wasn't damaged, so she's rather philosophical about the experience.

Talli can't be philosophical about it. She's dead.

=/\=


	27. The Arms of Family

=/\=

 **Stardate 51445**

When I heard about Dad, I immediately went into mourning. One of my fathers was dead.

I was on my way to Sickbay to say a last goodbye to him when Tom and the captain stopped me. They told me that Seven was trying a Borg technique that might revive him, even though Dad had died eighteen hours ago. When I expressed disbelief that such a thing was possible, Tom told me, "Seven said he may have been dead 'by our narrow definition,' but not by hers." She claimed that drones have been returned to life after being dead for up to three days, as long as the neural passageways had remained intact. Since Dad's heart failed when a bolt of protomatter struck him in the chest, he had a chance, at least. His neural passageways were unaffected.

The captain ordered me to go to the Mess Hall to wait for the outcome of Seven's nanoprobe therapy. I stopped by the Mess Hall briefly, but I associate this place so closely with Dad, it was too painful for me to stay there long. Reminders of his sunny disposition were everywhere, particularly in his food preparation area. I contacted Father and asked if I could wait with him to hear about the success or failure of Seven's attempt to bring Dad back to life. He asked Michael Ayala to serve at the bridge tactical station while he sat with me in his quarters. Father and Dad are not best friends, but they're both been very supportive of me. Father was especially sensitive to my moods on this occasion. He also urged me meditate with him after our shifts were over, "Whatever the outcome for Mr. Neelix might be." I agreed.

Father needed to exercise his Vulcan self-control when the Doctor contacted me. I became very emotional when he said Dad was awake and asking why he was in Sickbay. "He was shocked when Seven told him she brought him back to life, but he thanked her quite sincerely," the EMH advised us. "I'm sure he'll be fine now."

 **Addendum**

I found Seven in the new Astrometrics lab and expressed my sincere gratitude for restoring Dad to life. She acknowledged my thanks and observed, "He serves many diverse functions on this ship. If he were no longer with us, he would be missed."

Seven explained she will need to inject him with more of the modified nanoprobes she used to bring him back to life until his tissues have completely healed. She believes the treatments can be discontinued "eventually." She's also assured Dad he will be able to complete his preparations for Prixin, our happiest Talaxian holiday. Dad introduced it to the crew during their first year in this quadrant. They enjoy it so much, we hold the celebration every year. It will be especially joyous for me this time. I will be able to celebrate being "in the arms of family" with more fervor than ever. My family will still be whole.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51450**

The first night of Prixin went very smoothly. The nanoprobe therapy hasn't slowed Dad down at all. He'd prepared all the traditional trappings of the holiday: the foods, the decorations, the drinks, the compote . . . well, the compote isn't quite like the ones Dad remembers from his childhood. Since the captain got a little tipsy from it at last year's celebration, she asked him to make sure it doesn't get so strong, so he didn't ferment it for quite as long as he'd have preferred. The entire crew loved it tonight, so I think he's happy he was willing to compromise. (I have to admit I prefer the new recipe myself. The fruity flavor comes through much better, now that the alcoholic content isn't so overwhelming. It was either that or a replicated syntheholic version. I don't think anyone wanted to try that.)

I was sorry Naomi could only stay for the early buffet. She's still very little, and got a little "rammy," as Samantha explained. One of the Delaney sisters - Jenny, I think (I still get them mixed up sometimes) - volunteered to sit with her so her mother could stay a little longer. Since Dad is the "only one who can scare away all the monsters," however, he went to the Wildman quarters in the middle of the party to reassure Naomi none were hiding in her bedroom or the replicator (a favorite place for monsters to hide, I understand). He stayed long enough to recite her favorite bedtime story, about the Great Forest and the Guiding Tree.

This is Seven's first Prixin, and she was having a little trouble with the social niceties. Perfectly understandable. Seven hasn't celebrated any holidays for eighteen years, and light, pleasant conversation wasn't something included in her Becoming-a-Borg studies when she was in her maturation chamber. Seven drove Samantha Wildman away when she informed her that assimilated children remain in their maturation chambers for seventeen cycles. I think the last thing Samantha wanted to talk about tonight was anything to do with assimilation, particularly of children. I approached Seven afterwards and asked her to explain the finer techniques of searching for gasses in various types of nebulae. I know most of them, of course, but it's a subject I was sure would be more interesting to Seven than chatting about the latest gossip about the ruckus Tom and B'Elanna made when they were "enjoying themselves," or anything else she'd view as irrelevant. And I _might_ have learned something I didn't know (although I didn't).

Father called everyone to attention for the formal part of the celebration when he declared, "We are all in the arms of family." He truncated the family relationship listing considerably, but it does go on and on for quite a long time when it's given in its entirety. Everyone at the party (other than Seven) had heard the complete list read out previously, so I couldn't really object. The captain gave us her usual toast to our families, both the ones waiting for us in the Alpha Quadrant as well as our current one, on _Voyager_. I'm very grateful to have been welcomed as part of the group. I mentioned this to Seven after the toast was done. She said she'd like to hear more about how I came to be, the process by which I was duplicated, and how I've learned to fit into this group. Her final question had personal relevance, I thought, even though she didn't identify it as such. I was glad to answer her questions.

When the party broke up for the night, I told the captain about my conversation with Seven. Captain Janeway was so very pleased I'd spent time with her protégée. Actually, I was, too. I enjoyed my conversation with Seven. It was a wonderful party. I had a great time!

 **Addendum**

I've just gotten back from Sickbay. Dad had a relapse while he was cleaning up after the party. I feel responsible. I should have stayed to help him. I offered, but he urged me to go and get some rest because I had to report early for my shift in the morning. Apparently, the nanoprobes lost the ability to counteract the necrotizing of his cells. Fortunately, Seven was with him when he collapsed. She'd come to evaluate the nanoprobe levels in his blood, preparing to administer another dose if he needed it, so she was able to get him to Sickbay promptly. Seven and the Doctor made a slight modification to the nanoprobes, and the therapy began to work again.

After the Doctor assured me I would be called immediately if Dad had any more setbacks, I returned to my quarters. Since the captain, Commander Chakotay, and Seven were still there with Dad and the EMH when I left, I was certain he was in good hands. However, there was one sobering bit of news: if it happens again, Seven may need to supply new modifications to the nanoprobes on a regular basis - perhaps indefinitely. That won't be good for Dad's peace of mind. I don't think he's completely gotten over watching Talli die, and now he must cope with this new, possibly chronic, condition. I'll offer him all the support I can, just as he's always done for me.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51454**

I can barely believe it! I almost lost Dad again, and this time, it wasn't because of problems with nanoprobes. He almost committed suicide! If Sam hadn't come into the transporter room to ask him to come to Naomi's room for a bedtime "monster check," Dad might have succeeded. He was about to beam himself out into the nebula where he'd been killed by the protomatter, without any protection. Dad didn't listen to Commander Chakotay's pleas to stop, but when Sam told him his goddaughter needed him, it dragged him back from the brink - temporarily. We'll have to help him find more reasons to live, and that might not be easy.

When Dad woke up after Seven resuscitated him, after his death in the nebula, Dad was dismayed when he realized he hadn't seen what he'd expected to see. After his crisis in the Mess Hall, when the nanoprobes stopped working, he spoke with Commander Chakotay about it. The commander agreed to go on a vision quest with Dad, to help him put everything in perspective.

When Dad went on that quest, his visions depressed him even more. He saw everyone on _Voyager_ enjoying a Prixin celebration, and his favorite sister Alixia was there. He followed her to the Great Forest and asked her why she hadn't been there to greet him when he died. She turned and sneered at him, saying all of his beliefs were wrong. He hadn't seen the Guiding Tree and his family when he was killed because the afterlife didn't exist. It was all a lie.

Although the commander had warned Dad that his visions would need to be explored in depth afterwards, because symbolic meaning and literal meaning are not necessarily the same thing, Dad took Alixia's image to reveal the absolute truth. All his life, people had lied to him. He would never see his destroyed family again. He felt he had nothing to live for.

When the list of ancestors who hold you in their arms is read at Prixin, Dad has always believed it is literally a roster of those he'd see when he died. He'd wake up in the Great Forest, beneath the Guiding Tree, and they'd all be together again.

The traditional burial service takes over a week on Talax. Of course, traditional burial rites were never held for those who died on Rinax eleven years ago, after the Metreon Cascade. There were just a handful of survivors, and Dad was the only one left from his family. The atoms of the dead were dispersed in the poisoned atmosphere, and it was impossible to perform the prescribed rituals for the cascade's victims. Might that have had an effect on who would greet him?

Dad wasn't dead for even a day. Would a vision of the Guiding Tree and his family have greeted him days later, once his ceremonies were completed? How could he know for sure all of his beliefs are wrong? The vision quest certainly personified his fears, but was "Alixia" telling him the truth?

I'm familiar with traditional Talaxian beliefs, about the Guiding Tree and the Great Forest. Everyone in your family who has gone before you is there and keeps you safe while you sleep. I know Dad has always thought that's exactly what he'd see when it was his turn to join his family in the afterlife. It's one of the memories I inherited from him that's still vivid and easily recalled. But Father expects his family to place his _katra_ on Mount Seleya, where it will remain for all eternity. I've retained that knowledge from _his_ memories.

I'm a blend, created through a transporter accident, with the help of a symbiogenic orchid. And I'm still here because my friends Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry were willing to research a way to duplicate me; the captain agreed to divert _Voyager's_ course to a world that might allow us to be successful with a technique they'd discovered; and my twin brother Neebok sacrificed his life so that our fathers could return to theirs.

Which afterlife might I have? I guess it's possible Neevok attained one, and I will have the other; but while I'm aware of both sets of beliefs, I suspect neither will be true for me. I've often meditated upon this topic, and I believe I've come to terms with whatever will happen after my death. If there is no afterlife, I will be content, as long as I've lived my life to its fullest, honoring Neevok's willingness to leave it to me as much as to satisfy myself.

One reason I'm so pleased to have the opportunity to keep this personal log is that I devoutly hope - even expect - that it will remain in existence long after I'm gone. Others will be able to obtain a glimpse of the life Tuvix lived, and learn about his twin, who sacrificed his own life to allow his fathers to live. Such a log confers as much immortality as one can reasonably expect in this galaxy - even this universe - since neither of _them_ are thought to be immortal, either.

 **Addendum**

I spoke with Dad after I finished the previous entry. I asked him why he never came to me to talk about what was bothering him. "I would have listened and tried to help you." When he told me he hadn't wanted to "burden" me, I told him, "Your loss would have been a much greater burden for me to bear."

"You'd still have your Father Tuvok," he said, as if losing one parent didn't matter as long as I had another.

I replied that losing him would still be completely devastating, "especially in the manner of its ending. I'd never be able to get over it." Dad began to cry then, and I held him to comfort him, almost as if he was a young child like Naomi, and I was his parent.

For the first time, we spoke openly about the Metreon Cascade Jetrel had initiated, and how Jetrel himself came on _Voyager_ , seeking absolution. He'd developed the Cascade as pure science, but the use of it as a weapon, which he claimed he hadn't anticipated, had become unbearable. He thought he'd found a way to resurrect all the lost, but his method failed. Jetrel collapsed from the medical condition caused by the cascade, but Dad forgave him before he died. That may have brought a measure of peace to the scientist, even though he still suffered from an overwhelming sense of guilt over the lives that had been lost.

Since he was finally talking to me about our family, I asked him about Alixia, who I knew only from his memories. He shared a whole host of anecdotes with me then, not just about her, but also about his parents and other siblings. As he relayed them to me, I realized I had lost many of them, and I was glad to hear them again now. Some faded memories began to come back, just from the telling, because they were being reinforced. I shared that perception with him, and he agreed we should talk about our family sometimes, even if it is so painful for him. I suggested that the Prixin season is the perfect time for talking about those who have died. It is, after all the festival that commemorates the allegiance to family. What better way to celebrate than to bring our ancestors to life again by sharing their stories?

I asked him if he thought I would ever see the Guiding Tree, since I'm only 49.47% Talaxian. "Would you only see half of me?" I teased. (To be precise, my genotype is also 49.46% Vulcan, and .07% orchid - although I'm not sure how much of an effect the orchid part of me would have on an afterlife.) He laughed at that and assured me I'd be whole there.

I had one more thing I needed to say. "Dad, it doesn't matter if we can't see our family members after we die. They've always been here, holding us in their arms. It may be a metaphor, but I like to think the memories we have of them, even those who died long before we were born, have formed us into the people we've become, and who we'll be in the future - just as our _Voyager_ family is doing for us now. We wouldn't really expect to see Captain Janeway, or Chakotay, or Tom and B'Elanna, or even Father in the Great Forest, yet they're our family too."

He admitted he'd never really thought about it that way before. I suggested that was something he should discuss with Commander Chakotay during their counselling sessions. He promised he would follow up this time, to help him understand what he'd seen in those visions. I told him I knew he would, "Because I'll make sure you do!"

And I will, because I'm sure depression over many sad events which have happened in his life, not just this experience, made Dad vulnerable when his expectations about the afterlife were not met. It's a lesson for me to keep in mind, too. Balancing my heritages is a constant task. At least this time, by helping Dad, I'm helping myself as well.

I went to Samantha Wildman after I left Dad and thanked her, very sincerely, for bringing Dad back from the brink of death. "You don't have to thank me, Tuvix. No one would miss Neelix more than me - except for Naomi. We're all family, aren't we?" I had to agree.

=/\=


	28. Holodoc Heroics & Hirogen Histrionics

=/\=

 **Stardate 51479**

The new Astrometrics lab paid dividends today. Seven was able to show the captain and the commander a Starfleet vessel in the outer reaches of the Alpha Quadrant by utilizing an alien relay station system. It's vast, but the ship was flying in range of one end of the array. It's the first time we've had a realistic chance of letting Starfleet know we're alive.

When the captain tried to send a message to the ship, however, the signal degraded so much, it bounced back to us. Seven said that a holographic data stream might work better than the carrier wave. There was one way we could send such a data stream through the relay network. Send our Doctor.

Preparations were quickly made, and the EMH disappeared into the relay network. Once he arrived (as long as he did arrive in one piece), he was to let Starfleet know our location, answer any questions they had for him, and then have the personnel on the receiving ship send him back to _Voyager_ via the network.

If his program was lost in the network or couldn't be sent back to _Voyager_ for some reason, Tom Paris would now be our chief medical officer. Tom was not happy about this possibility, but he made the best of it. He had no choice. When he tried to enlist Harry into creating a replacement EMH program, Harry was unsuccessful, although Harry gave him a gift. He downloaded _Grey's Anatomy_ on a PADD - for Tom's use. Tom was not amused.

For a while, it looked like we might not be able to get the Doctor's program back. Since no messages were traveling along the network when she first discovered it, Seven believed it to be abandoned. While B'Elanna and Seven were working in Astrometrics together, however, an alien sent a transmission through the relay station, demanding we stop using the network. When Seven and B'Elanna didn't immediately comply, he broke our link.

The captain came to Astrometrics and contacted the alien, who had identified himself as a Hirogen, and asked to negotiate for use of the network for a little longer. When he was uncooperative, Seven took it upon herself to send a feedback surge along the sensor link, rendering the Hirogen temporarily out of order. The captain was stunned. B'Elanna admitted later that she was impressed. (I believe their frequent bouts of animosity stem from how much the two are like each other. If they ever learn to work together, they would be a formidable pair.)

Eventually, we retrieved the Doctor from the array. He had quite a story to tell about his heroic actions in the Alpha Quadrant, when he and a companion holographic doctor, the "Mark 2", kept the Romulans from stealing a prototype ship, the _Prometheus_. While everyone wanted to hear that story (and did, repeatedly, in Sandrines that evening), what everyone really needed to know was if he'd been able to contact Starfleet Command. Once the Romulans had been taken prisoner and the _Prometheus_ was secured by Starfleet personnel who were better qualified to fly the experimental vessel than two Emergency Medical Holograms, the Doctor spoke directly with Starfleet Command. He confirmed _Voyager's_ current position in the Delta Quadrant. He said he was able to tell them "everything that had happened" (not _absolutely_ everything, surely, but the essential details, of course) and provided Starfleet Command with the ship's roster. He made a point of telling me that I am now a known quantity in the Alpha Quadrant.

I thanked him sincerely for that information. Perhaps the captain will be able to contact the Hirogen leaders and negotiate with them diplomatically. Seven's actions, while they may have been necessary for us to retrieve our EMH, were regrettable. I hope we can repair the damage to our relationship so that we can reach an agreement to continue to use their network. It will be wonderful if we're able to maintain regular contact with the Alpha Quadrant. There must be some commodity the Hirogen will value that we can supply them in exchange for its use.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51497**

A message has come to _Voyager_ through the communications relay system we used to send the Doctor to the Alpha Quadrant. It was truncated, but Seven believes the rest of it is stuck in one of the Hirogen relay stations. We know it was from Starfleet Command, and they were sending Captain Janeway information of some sort. We hope it might help us get to Federation space. The captain ordered a change in course, on a heading that will bring us to the nearest relay station, in hopes that we will be able to retrieve the rest of the message.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51502**

We've approached the relay station. It looks very ancient. Harry estimates it was built 100,000 years ago. The captain went to Astrometrics to see if Seven was having any success retrieving the rest of the message from Starfleet. The datastream had degraded this time, too. When Seven began to decompress and unscramble the transmission, she discovered other messages mixed in with Starfleet Command's. After hearing a little bit of one, Captain Janeway realized the others were letters from the crew's families. Letters from home.

The captain assigned Dad the task of delivering the letters to our crew. Harry is eager to receive one from his parents. I'm sure many others are eager to hear from their loved ones for the first time in four years, too. While Dad has no one to send him a letter, he's very pleased to be the bearer of good tidings to our friends. For the past several weeks, his natural ebullience has not been in evidence as he's struggled to overcome his depression from Talli's death, as well as his disappointing visit to the afterlife. It's good to see a spring return to his step and a smile grace his face once again.

One of the first letters was for Father, from his wife, T'Pel. He's now a grandfather! She also congratulated him upon his "unorthodox" acquisition of a son (confirming how thorough the EMH was in listing the entire when he visited the _Prometheus)_. She said she "looks forward to welcoming his new son into our family." I hope she knows I'm physically mature and not a young child. I'll ask the Doctor what he conveyed to Starfleet about me the next time I see him. Although Father did not wish for Neelix to make a fuss about his grandfatherhood, everyone knows. And everyone is very happy for him.

Not every letter carried happy news. The captain was subdued after she received hers from her fiancée and has not shared its contents. Commander Chakotay's contained very bad news. He learned the Maquis movement is dead, as are most of those who fought for the cause. A few are in prison. A few Maquis learned at least some of their family members were still alive by getting a letter, but for most, this has been a difficult time. I sincerely hope more of them survived and are in hiding that the writer of the commander's letter doesn't know about.

Because of the difficulty Seven has been having extracting any more of the letters, she asked the captain for permission to travel closer to the relay station to see if she could get more of the datastream released. The captain has sent her and Father in a shuttle to do what they can. Meanwhile, B'Elanna is piecing the bits of data we've already received into order.

 **Addendum**

What started out as a glorious day, filled with hope, has been tarnished. The communications network is in ruins. While some of the crew received messages from the Alpha Quadrant that buoyed their spirits, others were crushed by terrible news. Father and Seven were captured by two Hirogen, who wanted them as "relics." I'm almost afraid to learn what they'd meant by that. Father and Seven wouldn't tell me what they knew.

We were able to save Father and Seven, but when other Hirogen ships arrived and fired on us, they refused to listen to Captain Janeway's warnings that they might damage the relay network if they continued their reckless actions. They kept it up, and now it's utterly destroyed. We will have to find another way to communicate with the Alpha Quadrant - if we can.

I fear the Hirogen are now our bitter enemies. They will blame us for the destruction of the relay station network, even though they did the most damage themselves. It's very puzzling. They claim their people invented this relay system, even taming a small quantum singularity for its power source, but Captain Janeway warned them they would ruin it if they destabilized the containment field holding the singularity in place. It failed and sucked in all of their ships. If they told us the truth, their civilization must have deteriorated very badly since the system was built. That doesn't mean they aren't a very dangerous foe.

B'Elanna was able to piece together several more letters. She hand-delivered one special letter, to her friend Harry Kim. He was overjoyed to hear from his parents. There was one that started to come through that wasn't complete. Admiral Owen Paris had written one to his son Tom, but the rest was lost when the relay network collapsed. When B'Elanna told him his letter was coming through, Tom had been apprehensive about what his father might have written, but when he learned he'd never know, he was disappointed.

Hope, mixed with disappointment, and danger from a new enemy. Those were the watchwords of this adventure. We must be more on the alert than ever; the Hirogen will not forgive us.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51563**

Harry and Ensign Lyndsay Ballard were traveling to a class-M planet in the Vyntadi expanse today. Our long range sensors had picked up signs of a dilithium ore deposit. Our crew is always looking to obtain dilithium. While we need it for our warp engines, of course, if we find enough extra, we always mine some. It's one of the more valuable commodities for trade, and there's always something we need to get to repair our shuttle fleet. The shuttle bay construction crew always has a new hull under construction, since we lose so many during away missions.

We didn't lose the shuttle today, but we did lose Ensign Ballard. There was no dilithium on the planet. It was a trap set by a Hirogen hunting party. They'd reconfigured power cells to give off the false reading that drew Harry and Ensign Ballard to the planet. She was fatally wounded by a neural disrupter. Harry managed to get her on the shuttle and escaped to _Voyager_ , but she died on the way. The captain has scheduled the ensign's funeral for tomorrow afternoon. I expect to attend. I'm off duty tomorrow until Beta shift.

I did not know Ensign Ballard well, but whenever we spoke, I found her to be a very pleasant, good-humored young woman. She was a close friend of Ensign Kim's. They were in the same graduating class at Starfleet Academy. The captain is taking the loss hard. She always does. So is Harry. He says he's beginning to feel like he's a jinx. First Ahni, now Lyndsay. I wish I knew what to say to him. It's not really him. It's the Delta Quadrant.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51652**

Today was a very difficult day. A member of Species 8472 wanted to go home to die, and Seven sent him to Hirogen hunters instead. The captain is very angry, and I cannot blame the captain. Seven justified what she did by the rationale that she was saving the ship from the Hirogen, but I seriously doubt they will ignore us from now on anyway. Judging from their actions so far, including their involvement in Ensign Ballard's death, their entire civilization, if one can call it that, is based on hunting other species to death and taking body parts for trophies.

I understand Father's philosophy of "Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations," but I'm not sure I will ever be able to tolerate the Hirogen's embodiment of this doctrine. I hope we can leave their space as quickly as we can. Unfortunately, that may be easier said than done, if the extent of the now-useless Hirogen relay station network is any indicating of the extent of their "space."

=/\=

 **Stardate 51717**

This is the first time I've been able to make in entry in my personal log for some weeks, and for the same reason I was unable to make entries in my log for an extended period two years ago. We lost control of our ship, and we had to fight to regain possession of it.

This time, the enemy was not the Kazon, but the far more formidable Hirogen. I feel no pleasure in being proven right that the Hirogen would not leave _Voyager_ alone.

Our crew wasn't exiled. We were all imprisoned on _Voyager_. Some of the crew, including Harry, were forced into the role of maintenance workers, keeping the ship's vital systems such as life support operational. The Hirogen weren't interested in our propulsion system. Several of their ships traveled at a very pedestrian pace alongside with _Voyager_. They _were_ very interested in producing enough power to run one of our systems, however. In addition to Holodeck 1 and 2, many of the corridors and other ship locations - even Engineering - were fitted with holoemitters so that the Hirogen could practice their favorite activity: hunting other sentient beings. In the process, the formerly separate holodeck power resources were integrated into _Voyager's_ main power system. If we ever run into serious power difficulties, we will no longer be able to seek escape on the holodecks to divert us from our troubles.

The Hirogen indulged in cruel cat-and-mouse holodeck games with our crew, usually resulting in the death of the character we inhabited in the scenario at the time. We were always resurrected - that is, all of us were other than Crewman Jason Everly, who died of his injuries when the Doctor's program was deactivated by the Hirogen. The Alpha-Hirogen documented each scenario in which we participated, so we know that Father and I each died three times, and Dad died twice. I take no comfort in the fact that many of the Hirogen, including the Alpha and his Beta, Turanj, ended up dead when the St. Claire simulation blew up and Klingon warriors from another simulation (including Dad and I) attacked those who were still in the simulation. With the safeties off, the way the Hirogen liked it, the simulations were too real.

I guess we should be happy they didn't take any body parts as trophies when they hunted us down. (The Hirogen who held Father and Seven captive had planned to slice out their long, twisty intestines as trophies before we rescued them. That pair of Hunters' ship was sucked into the relay station as it collapsed.) Father told me that Captain Janeway's ready room had been decorated with nets slung along the walls which were laden with the remains of earlier victims,. Our captain was taken there to speak with Caahr, the Alpha-Hirogen, who explained he wanted to use our holodeck technology to create scenarios for his people to hunt in, without endangering any lives. The Hirogen have been pursuing the Hunt so avidly, they're dispersed widely through space and now risk dying out as a civilization. He believed that if they hunted on holodecks, they could stay together in one place to rebuild and revitalize their culture.

In the end, the surviving Hirogen were unable to completely defeat us, but we couldn't overcome them, either. The Alpha-Hirogen was killed by his Beta Turanj, who didn't share Caahr's vision. He fell to his death through a hole in the deck floor when the captain outsmarted him. By this time, our ship was in desperate need of repair. Captain Janeway asked for, and established, a truce with the Alpha from another Hirogen ship in order to negotiate a settlement. Captain Janeway traded holographic technology to the Hirogen in return for safe passage out of the area (once _Voyager_ had been restored to a condition which allowed us to travel anywhere at all). The Alpha she gave the technology to was unsure what to do with it, so I'm not confident the Hirogen will use it the way the dead Alpha intended. However, the captain suggested that if he didn't wish to use it the way Caahr wished, he could always mount it on a wall as a trophy.

I wonder if any of the surviving hunters have the intelligence of the one who spoke with the captain? Caahr had vision, according to Captain Janeway. "I wouldn't have believed the Hirogen were ever capable of building that marvelous communication network a thousand centuries ago until I met him. If Turanj hadn't murdered Caahr, I think we might have found a way to actually work with him - help him develop his idea for salvaging his people. Now, I just don't know what will happen. We'll need to stay vigilant, I know that. We established a truce, not a treaty."

 **Addendum**

We're still cleaning up the holodecks, since so much damage was done to the basic structure of the ship when the Sainte Claire simulations blew up. I spoke with Tom, who was working on the holodeck programming technology, since it was damaged by the explosion as well. I asked Tom about his Brigitte character. Since B'Elanna filled that role herself, she never saw the holodeck character's face. Tom replied that he volunteered to scrub the entire scenario from the holodeck library. When I complimented him on his "good deed," Tom laughed with me and said, "That program is already history - in more ways than one. Who will ever want to visit it again, after everything that happened in it? Too many bad memories."

And, of course, Tom's _faux pas_ of using his girlfriend's former face without her permission has been permanently wiped out as well.

=/\=


	29. Identities

=/\=

 **Stardate 51765**

Since our cleanup after the Hirogen occupation, Tom has been spending as much time in his "Grease Monkey" holodeck program as he has wining and dining his girlfriend B'Elanna. He's also been visiting a golf program with Harry, when B'Elanna's and Tom's schedules have been out of sync. That's happened a lot lately. I thought Commander Chakotay was going to try to avoid doing that. Maybe he's just forgotten.

Now he has a new interest. Since this pilot Steth showed up with his fancy folding-space shuttle, which has had mechanical issues, Tom's behavior has been very erratic. He's even displayed a quite nasty edge when speaking to others, including me. I may have to sit that young man down and talk to him about what he's doing to himself. He's been almost a model officer lately. I'd hate to see him slip back into some self-destructive bad habits.

 **Addendum**

Oh, my. That wasn't Tom at all. Steth was a shape shifter and a criminal who stole that fancy shuttle. No wonder he had issues piloting it. He didn't understand how the technology worked very well, certainly not as well as he thought he did. After stealing Tom's body and totally confusing B'Elanna, he stole Captain Janeway's body. He'd left Tom in "Steth's," and an officer who had lost her (his?) body to Steth arrested Tom. While some of the crew thought it was hilarious that our captain inhabited the body of the "playboy," I didn't find it at all humorous. Tom finally convinced the officer he wasn't the criminal and the "Steth" shape-shifter was taken into custody. There's a chain of unhappy people who want their own bodies back.

There were some positives. We obtained the schematics of Steth's ship. It's another faster-than-warp technology we may be able to pursue in the future. And Tom has decided to invite B'Elanna to work on his muscle car in the "Grease Monkey" program. Since Tom also has a program for "parking on Mars," which involves more personal activities than looking at the scenery, I think the muscle car might be the scene of a little after-hours romance. I hope it does. B'Elanna has been rather melancholy ever since the Hirogen takeover ended. Actually, she's been a bit off since the first time we encountered the Hirogen. She needs cheering up. Tom is just the man to do that for her.

I hope it also means Tom won't be playing golf with Harry for a while. I've looked into the game, and it seems to be something I'd like to try myself. I was pretty successful using a stick to knock balls into the pockets of the billiards table in Sandrines. Golf is similar in some ways, but on a much larger scale. You use a "club" to hit a golf ball into holes on a big course. I'd love to try it.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51781**

The crew has been cautioned to omit certain details concerning the previous few days' events in their personal logs. I don't know many of the pertinent details anyway. However, I _do_ know the captain and the senior officers (of which I am not one) invoked a Starfleet directive which directed us to destroy a certain substance completely if we ever ran across it. The facility in which experiments on this substance, to utilize it as an energy source, had already been destroyed due to the instability of the substance itself.

As soon as the explosion was detected, _Voyager_ raced to the energy plant to rescue the scientists and workers who were still alive. We beamed them up to our ship and treated them for severe theta-radiation sickness. While the facility itself was ruined in the explosion, remnants of the substance which caused it survived. _Voyager_ took them away and destroyed the remains before any further damage to space and subspace could occur.

Allos, the project's lead scientist, was inconsolable. His people are desperate to find a new source of energy. He was extremely angry with the captain for destroying his life's work. Seven of Nine came to the rescue. She'd provided the Caatati with a prototype device and materials which would enable them to create sufficient thorium isotopes to power their technology. Since Allos' people knew thorium could be used this way, even though they hadn't followed up on this research previously, the captain authorized Seven to give them the same prototype device and schematics that she'd provided to the Caatati.

Allos accepted the offer. He worked with Seven and B'Elanna, drawing up plans for large-capacity power plants using thorium technology, while _Voyager_ transferred the scientists to their home planet. He finally admitted that, as promising as the other technology had been, if it was as volatile as the captain told him it was, thorium powered technology "might be" a better solution for his people after all. One would think the total destruction of the testing facility, which caused multiple fatalities and severe radiation poisoning in the survivors, would have already served as an object lesson, proving definitively that the other substance, no matter how powerful it may be, is impractical for use as a power source.

 **Addendum**

Seven invited me to be part of her research group, which was to construct a harmonic resonance chamber to contain and stabilize this dangerous and mysterious substance until it could be transported to a place where it could be safely destroyed. Seven designated me as Five of Ten, which amused me greatly. Organizing the group as a mini Collective showed me that Seven of Nine still has quite a way to go before breaking herself of the "Borgifying habit." She'd asked Harry to participate as well, but he was highly insulted when she assigned a Borg designation to him. When he balked at some of her rules, she reduced his designation from Six of Ten to Two of Ten. When Harry was demoted, I became Six of Ten.

While I never did learn the actual name of this substance, I know it's a molecule. Seven believed that, if stabilized completely, she would observe "perfection," the Borg's personal Holy Grail. Before the chamber with the molecules was transported out of _Voyager_ and completely obliterated by a photon torpedo, Seven thought she'd glimpsed such perfection for just a split second. She's been very subdued all evening, mourning the molecules' destruction.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51844**

I've had to suspend dictating my personal log entries for several weeks. We've consumed a greater amount of fuel than anticipated. Commander Chakotay maintains that the records of our course do not accurately reflect _Voyager's_ actual path or how far we traveled during this period, although he hasn't explained how he knows this. How it happened didn't really matter. We've were unable to find an accessible source of fuel-grade deuterium. The supply Voyager originally had in its tanks was projected to last for three years. We're well into our fourth year in the Delta Quadrant. We're all conserving as much energy as we can. Even though dictating a personal log doesn't expend much energy, it was an easy way to conserve power. I simply wrote in a paper diary for the duration. Eventually I'll enter anything that I feel I need to place in the permanent record. Since the entries can usually be summarized by, "no source of deuterium discovered today," I don't know if I'll bother.

In the view of most of my crewmates, our inability to use the holodeck for amusement was more of a problem. The Hirogen consolidated our power resources into one system, so if the ship is low on fuel, the holodecks are off limits.

We were just about to go to Gray Mode, closing down decks to conserve power, when Seven discovered a Y-class planet, more commonly called Demon class. The conditions are antithetical to life as we know it. Her sensors indicated it was awash in deuterium, and when that turned out to be the case, we went there to fill our tanks. Harry and Tom, our away team, noticed a gooey silver substance on the surface of the planet, they didn't pay much attention to it. When we lost contact with the team, though, the captain decided to land _Voyager_ on the planet to facilitate a search. Commander Chakotay has a reputation for being a little rough on shuttles. (He's crashed as many as Father - maybe more - I haven't kept an accurate count recently.) The landing was a bit bumpy, but the ship survived. The captain sent out a second away team, consisting of Commander Chakotay and Seven to search for the first team. The commander and Seven were shocked when they found Tom and Harry wandering around without their EV suits, apparently in perfect health. The group beamed back to _Voyager_.

One would think that finding Harry and Tom breathing the unbreathable air on a Class Y/Demon planet would be the strangest part of this story, but it isn't. When Harry and Tom came back, they couldn't breathe the _ship's_ air. The Doctor had to transport a supply of the planetary atmosphere inside a containment field for them, or they might have died of asphyxiation. We were all upset, but no one more than B'Elanna, who was told we might have to leave her boyfriend and their best friend behind if the Doctor was unable to find a cure. And, in a way, we did - except it wasn't B'Elanna's Tom who stayed on the planet. It was his clone. In fact, our entire crew agreed to be cloned, even Naomi. Sam Wildman didn't want her clone to stay there without her daughter. I can't really blame her.

The silver substance was dubbed "Silver Blood." If any of it touched one of us, an exact duplicate of that person grew out of the substance. When we realized all that was really needed was a DNA sample, we were even able to use samples from some of our deceased crewmates, such as Kurt Bendera, Ahni Jetal, Lyndsay Ballard, Michael Hogan, and Marie Kaplan. Even some of the _Voyager_ crew that had died in the crossing to the Delta Quadrant, such as the ship's original chief engineer Lieutenant Commander Ziegler and Lieutenant Veronica Stadi, the helmsman Tom replaced, were given the chance to be duplicated. We understand their memories were understandably very hazy, but when told about what had happened to them, they were pleased they'd have a chance to live again on Demon, which is how everyone refers to this planet now. No one knows how the original personalities of our deceased crew were accessible through just a DNA sample - actually, we don't know how our own clones managed that - but since Tom's and Harry's duplicates were okay, we thought the rest of the crews' would be, too.

By unanimous decision, the samples of Seska, Michael Jonas, and Lon Suder were not used. It was considered too great a risk for any of them to become part of the Demon community. I was sorry when I heard about Suder, but Father couldn't guarantee the mind melding therapy he'd given him to overcome his murderous tendencies would carry over to a duplicate.

A lot of our equipment and samples of many foods were dipped in the liquid and duplicated, as well. The Silver Blood must have been transforming itself into these items at the molecular level. DNA apparently wasn't a requirement. The Doctor very gingerly slipped a corner of his mobile emitter in the sample of Silver Blood with which the captain and B'Elanna had experimented. His image didn't appear in our Sickbay when he turned on the cloned version on _Voyager_ , but the captain's avatar told us that he did when they used the Demon-created equipment They'll have to experiment with medical procedures anyway. No one really knows how all this has worked.

Once our ship's fuel storage tanks were filled to bursting with deuterium, _Voyager_ lifted off (with Tom at the helm, this time) and resumed its journey. All of our doubles were milling around on the surface, waving goodbye as we left. I was on the bridge during lift-off, and I noticed something peculiar on my sensors. I checked the life sign readings of the people we left behind, and there were a lot more of them - three times more - than there should have been. After completing a diagnostic myself, I called Harry over to check on my instrument panel He couldn't find anything wrong with it. So, either there was some sort of echo or phase distortion that made my readings inaccurate - or the Silver Blood went ahead and made two more sets of clones while we weren't looking. Actually, that would be a logical response to a DNA pool. Less than two hundred genomes are available for reproductive purposes. Perhaps the "intelligence" which the Tom and Harry clones sensed would like to establish more than one settlement. The entire situation is so unorthodox, why not create multiple sets of duplicates?

My own advent from Dad, Father, and the orchid, almost seems prosaic in comparison. Duplication does not appear to be as uncommon as people generally believe - at least, it isn't in the Delta Quadrant.

=/\=


	30. Dauntless

=/\=

 **Stardate 51874**

We have another nebula problem. This time, we've encountered a Mutara class nebula. They're never easy to traverse, but this time, everyone began to get radiation sickness when we'd barely nudged into it. Ensign Hadley collapsed and died, which let us know how serious the situation was. Seven was going to attempt her nanoprobe resurrection therapy on Hadley, but when the Doctor checked his neural passageways, he discovered they were badly damaged by the radiation. Seven's therapy wouldn't work.

This nebula covers a vast area. The captain wants to cut through it, since it would take a year if we tried to go around it, but only a month or so to take a straight course from one side to the other. (Circling B'omar space, in comparison, added only six weeks to our journey.)

Two members of the crew did not get sick: the Doctor, who is a hologram, and Seven of Nine. The captain has decreed that with the exception of Seven and the Doctor, our entire crew must go into stasis tubes and during the month our trip through the nebula is expected to take.

Tom is very unhappy about this. He hates being in a small enclosure like a stasis tube, but he doesn't have much choice. We don't want our chief helmsman to get sick and die on us. Actually, all of us are quite unnerved, but with Seven and the Doctor supervising the ship and our sleep accommodations, we're sure we'll manage.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51936**

We're through the nebula. We've survived. Seven is recovering in Sickbay, however. She began to suffer from hallucinations towards the end of the trip, probably due to the effects of the dosage of radiation her body absorbed during the month she was alone on the ship. The EMH's mobile emitter was affected, and he had to remain in Sickbay for a good part of the trip. The regular holoemitters there worked fine. Seven believed the Doctor's program was entirely off-line for a while, but the EMH says it wasn't. That was one of her hallucinations. He's been giving her medication to counter the radiation's effects for the past week, ever since he noticed the levels in her blood were rising. Her nanoprobes did repair cellular damage she sustained from the radiation, but at higher levels of exposure, they're not able to do it as efficiently.

Tom's aversion to small enclosures affected him even while he was supposedly unconscious. He had to be put back into his stasis tube on several occasions because he was "sleepwalking," according to Seven.

It's a relief to be awake and able to function normally again. I don't recall any bad dreams I may have had; but if I'm honest with myself, I'd rather not ever do this again.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51978**

An alien named Arturis has come on _Voyager_. He's an amazingly gifted linguist. He can decrypt messages by discerning patterns others do not recognize, even those in the garbled one we received several months ago from Starfleet Command. The captain, Seven, and Harry were able to see there were maps and charts included, but the text was so scrambled, they despaired of ever being able to read any of it. Arturis developed a decryption logarithm and we finally could. Buried in the data were the coordinates of a spot where an experimental vessel which utilizes slipstream technology has been sent for our use. The _Dauntless_ will bring us home to the Alpha Quadrant in just a few months! We're on course to those coordinates now.

=/\=

 **Stardate 51994**

There was no Starfleet ship called the _Dauntless_ waiting for us; it was Arturis' own ship, disguised through the use of particle synthesis. The captain felt something "just wasn't right." It was so convenient for Starfleet to have sent us a vessel, and then a gifted cryptologist like Arturus would suddenly need to hitch a ride from one place to another and give us all we would need to know to reach it.

Arturis's people had been almost exterminated when the Borg assimilated their planets. Arturis escaped because he had been traveling elsewhere when the attack occurred. Only a few more thousand survived and are now refugees. Arturis blamed Captain Janeway for stopping Species 8472 from attacking and overcoming the Borg. In revenge, he wanted everyone on _Voyager_ , but especially Captain Janeway, to be assimilated.

Arturis set his ship's controls to bring it into Borg space without any possibility it could deviate from the course he'd set. He had no idea the slipstream corridor formed behind _Dauntless_ would allow _Voyager_ to travel in his ship's wake, however. Our crew was able to save the captain and Seven, who were being held on _Dauntless_. Arturis's sabotage of his own ship meant he had no way of avoiding his own assimilation when it headed towards a huge Borg cube and was tractored inside.

I can understand Arturis' bitterness over the destruction of his people's civilization, but I think he must have been driven more than a little insane by what happened. The Borg lied to Captain Janeway about the motives of Species 8472. She believed them, which was what convinced her to work with the Collective. But who knows what the people from Fluidic Space might have done if they were successful in eradicating the Borg? Kes relayed telepathic messages they sent her that indicated they wished to destroy "all life" in Dry Space. If they did, they may have turned on Arturis's people and destroyed them, just as surely as the Borg did.

The slipstream drive was fascinating. B'Elanna and her engineers had a chance to study it before we learned Arturis' true motives. As a result, B'Elanna and Seven would like experiment with the drive and try to adapt it to _Voyager_. They learned a lot about the technology before we discovered the truth. Maybe with his ship's advanced drive, we actually _could_ return home much sooner than we'd ever anticipated, turning his lie into a triumph. If he'd worked with B'Elanna and Seven on the project, they'd have a better chance of succeeding. Judging from the speeds we were traveling when _Voyager_ followed _Dauntless'_ slipstream corridor, we could have cut decades off the time it would take to complete our journey.

No one denies that what happened to Arturis' people was a tragedy, especially Captain Janeway. If only he'd listened to reason and realized that the Borg were the cause of his people's demise, not Captain Janeway, he could have joined the crew of our ship. He could have had a good life, I'm sure of it. I'm here, am I not?

=/\=


	31. Darkness, Darkness

=/\=

 **Stardate 52052**

Darkness, darkness, everywhere, nor a glimmer to lead the way . . .

I'm not much of a poet. Samuel Taylor Coleridge would have worded it far more elegantly. His words and images are so evocative: "Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink . . ." And of course, the albatross, murdered by the Mariner, its carcass slung around his neck . . .

Evocative, but grim, just like this Great Dark of Night we're traveling through. I've turned to reading to fill many of the empty hours when I'm off duty. "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" has become something of a favorite. Our current situation seems to relate to what the Ancient Mariner had to endure. Hopefully, we won't kill any innocent creatures along the way.

At the beginning of the journey through the Void, Naomi and I wrote a picture book together and "self-published" it to present to Samantha for her birthday. She was delighted. It was a Flotter and Trevis book, about how Flotter found a tiny little Trevis, watered him when it hadn't rained for a while, and protected him from the Ogre of Fire. Once Trevis grew up, he became Flotter's "best friend forever." I've visited the holoprograms with Naomi occasionally, so I know what the characters look like. I'm not a skilled draughtsman, but then, Flotter and Trevis aren't exceptionally difficult to draw. Naomi painted the forest and river backgrounds. She rendered them better than I did the characters, but I think we did a pretty nice job overall.

We're constantly looking for ways to spend our off-duty time. We have to do _something_ or go crazy. With so little to focus upon outside the ship, our minds wander. Making that book with Naomi was the most ambitious project I've completed in weeks.

It's an odd feeling to have so much free time and so little desire to do anything with it. We can exercise on the holodecks, of course. We're supposed to avoid visiting the very complicated programs unless they're the type many people can visit at the same time, like Sandrines or Dad's resort. When only one or two of us are using the holodeck, we're expected to use the simpler, low-power-usage ones. We must conserve our energy supplies.

We're not in Gray Mode, fortunately. We don't need to be at the moment. We have plenty of deuterium in our tanks; B'Elanna has a sufficient store of dilithium crystals to last for at least three years; and the ship is crammed full of storage units filled with all sorts of important commodities as well as extra power sources. Our journey through this seemingly endless darkness is projected to last for two years. After what happened just before we discovered Demon, however, we planned ahead, in case the trip takes us longer than anticipated.

We don't even know what kind of place this is. It's not a nebula, but something is obscuring our sensors so completely, we aren't able to see anything on our viewscreen. We've been calling it the Void. Even before we entered it, we were unable to see to the other side, and the people who lived in the area of space in front of it didn't have any idea of what it was like, either. We were warned about how much theta radiation the region contained. The Delaney sisters and Seven share the opinion that the high levels of theta radiation may obscure light frequencies in the visible range. There isn't a trace of light wherever we look. We have yet to identify any stars, planets, or other celestial bodies that might be hiding in this thick darkness.

Since there's so little we need to do, most shifts we've been running _Voyager_ with a skeleton crew. Other than measuring the levels of theta radiation and recommending adjustments to our shields to compensate, the science divisions have little to do. Commander Chakotay is not willing to authorize any away missions. There isn't anything to investigate!

When he's not meditating or in command of the bridge, Father has scheduled tactical and security exercises on a periodic basis to maintain our skills. Commander Chakotay approves. I must say, they do help to break the monotony. Captain Janeway hasn't expressed an opinion about this as far as we know. She only sees the commander and, occasionally, Dad, when he delivers a meal tray to her quarters. She hasn't appeared on the bridge in weeks. While the commander is capable of handling everything on his own - he certainly has the experience - many of us are questioning why the captain hasn't been more involved. Father is very concerned about the captain. He told me he's seen her like this before (he withheld the details as "beyond my need to know," but from his memories, I recall her withdrawal after her first fiancé's death).

Tom and Harry developed a "Captain Proton, Protector of Earth" holodeck program, based upon science fiction serials that were popular in the early 20th century, during the infancy of 2D cinema. The sets, etc., aren't very sophisticated. The scenarios are in black and while, like those old movies, so the chapters fit into the guidelines for low power use. I'm very curious about this program. If they ask me if to take on a role, I'll accept in a nanosecond. I understand the Delaney sisters are involved as "Malicia and Demonica," the twin mistresses of evil, but B'Elanna and Seven have not deigned to participate. That's a shame. They both could use a little fun.

Tom and B'Elanna aren't handling this "Void" situation as a couple well at all. Dad heard them arguing about pain sticks a few nights ago. I thought Harry had gotten over his crush when Seven "demoted" him during the "molecule" containment problem, but apparently, he's still attached to her. If she continues to push him away, perhaps he'll finally give it up. Harry's composed a concerto for solo clarinet, "Echoes of the Void." When he played it for me, I told him it was the "aural equivalent" of our current location. Harry was pleased, thinking it was a positive review, although I wasn't actually being that complimentary. The piece sounds like a Vulcan funeral dirge. I didn't see the point in correcting his impression, however. He _is_ my friend, after all.

I don't know how we'll survive another two years of this. What our situation will be a year from now and still entombed in all of this darkness is anyone's guess.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52081**

There are people living in the Void! The aliens are perfectly adapted to the normal conditions here, but they can't adapt to being poisoned by theta radiation. It's not a natural phenomenon. We've learned that a waste disposal person named Emck, who is Malon, has a secret way to get inside the Void and has been dumping antimatter waste here. Captain Janeway was finally stirred into action after the aliens asked for our help. We found Emck, and the captain told him what he was doing was killing the native inhabitants of the Void. She offered him Federation technology that converts antimatter waste into harmless by products. He rejected the offer. Dumping the antimatter waste in here is a cheap way to dispose of what Malon technology produces profligately. Changing over to Federation technology would cut into his profit margin!

The captain has a plan to stop him. Father is not very happy with what she wants to do, however. None of the senior staff is, since her plan would probably result in her death. While Father is usually very closed-mouthed about the staff's deliberations, he let something slip when we were meditating and working on Vulcan mental techniques and he thought I wasn't listening. I heard him murmur, "She's depressed again and would take this way out."

I spoke to Dad afterwards. Since he's succumbed to depression himself, and so recently, too, he confirmed that he shares Father's diagnosis. "That's why the captain refused to come out of her quarters for weeks." Withdrawing from life is a common symptom of depression. Dad has come a long way and isn't interested in dying anytime soon. He hopes we'll find another way to implement the plan, which involves "riding the wave" to the other side of the Void, after we destroy the vortex Emck travels through to get to this space. It sounds risky to me, too, but the captain is determined. I have no say if Commander Chakotay and Father don't. And they don't.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52082**

We did it. After _Voyager_ slipped into the vortex, Father deployed torpedoes to seal its entrance, and Tom rode the shockwave from the explosions all the way through to the other end. We emerged into a lovely, star-spangled area of space. When we needed our captain, she came back to us - and fortunately, she's still with us. Emck's freighter was inside the vortex and firing on _Voyager_ , trying to destroy us. He must have been killed. Have we made another enemy? Unfortunately, I suspect so. I'm sure we haven't heard the last of the Malon.

=/\=


	32. Unique

=/\=

 **Stardate 52092**

This ship seems to have quite an affinity for nebulae. Perhaps I should phrase this another way: the captain has never met a nebula - or a proto-nebula - she doesn't like, but they don't seem to like us back very much.

This time, the captain wanted to study a proto-nebula and sent out one of our Class-2 shuttles with Tom, B'Elanna, Seven, and the Doctor on board. When the shuttle was caught in a gravimetric shear, the away team had to have an emergency beam-out back to _Voyager_. The members of the away team are fine, but the shuttle isn't. Tom and B'Elanna have mentioned we need to make them stronger so they hold up a little better under Delta Quadrant conditions. I'm sure the shuttle building and repair crew would prefer to have our shuttles last a little longer. Less work for them.

The proto-nebula didn't like the Doctor's mobile emitter, either. Some of its parts fused when the transporter beam had trouble separating the away teams patterns. Much to the Doctor's displeasure, B'Elanna has taken it to the science lab on Deck 8, where she plans to work on it tomorrow. Until he gets it back, the EMH is back to living exclusively in Sickbay or one of the holodecks.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52094**

We have a new crew member! And he's just as fully grown as I am, even though he was literally born yesterday! Naomi and I are no longer the only "children of _Voyager_!"

It's all due to the Doctor's 29th century mobile emitter. As Seven explained later, Borg nanoprobes are designed to assimilate any new technology they encounter. Some of Seven's must have contaminated the emitter during the problematic transport. The nanoprobes assimilated it and took advantage of its advanced features. When Ensign Mulcahey walked into the science lab, the mobile emitter sprouted extraction tubules and attacked him to obtain his DNA, which was mixed with a sample of Seven's that was also inside the mobile emitter as a side effect of the transport issues. A very advanced maturation chamber grew in a day, and that's about all the time that was necessary for the new drone to develop from the combined genomes of his human parents. He has the appearance of an adult, although Naomi is more mature than he is.

There is one unfortunate aspect to our young Borgling. The Doctor's mobile emitter has become embedded inside the new drone's cerebral cortex. It's functioning as an integral part of his central nervous system. Our EMH can't get it back without killing him. The Doctor isn't happy about it, but he's not going to sacrifice a life to give him back his freedom of movement. He's after B'Elanna and Harry to work on developing a mobile emitter using current technology. B'Elanna's already told him it's not doable. Harry was a little more hopeful, but he did say he doubted he could produce anything any smaller than a backpack at present. If Seven could help them, they might have more luck, but right now she's raising up her "son." She does have help, of a sort. Father has assigned at least two security personnel to guard him at all times. He's charming in his naiveté. I hope he remains an innocent. He is Borg, after all.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52102**

Our young Borg's ability to absorb knowledge is so fantastically efficient, Seven cannot use a neural interface to teach him what he needs to know. When she tried to provide information to him through such a link, he attempted to assimilate her knowledge at such a rate, it was too dangerous for her to continue. She's utilizing Borg data nodes instead.

He's been helping out around the ship already. During a visit to Engineering, he showed B'Elanna how to apply a multi-spatial algorithm to predict the rate of expansion of the proto-nebula we've been studying. It was quite remarkable. I know, because I was one of his guards at the time and saw him do it. He also helped B'Elanna increase the efficiency of the Bussard Collectors, which we're using to obtain samples of gasses at the outskirts of the newly forming nebula. A "quick dip" of our ship there was all _Voyager's_ structural integrity could withstand, so what our young one did was really necessary. Harry predicted that even a Borg cube wouldn't last long inside the proto-nebula.

One is actually the name of our young Borg. When he met the captain for the first time, he told her that was his designation, since he's the only one of his kind. We hope we can keep it that way. The last thing this quadrant - no, this galaxy - needs is for the Collective to obtain a drone infused with 29th century technology. That's what One is. We need our present-day Borg to remain oblivious to his presence on _Voyager_. If they do find out about him, the freedom, not to mention the individuality, of everyone on _Voyager_ would be sacrificed.

 **Addendum**

Perhaps it was inevitable that One's innate curiosity would include a "need to know" about what it is to be Borg. Seven and the captain attempted to shield him from learning how destructive they can be, but that's no longer an option. Although Seven dampened the transceiver that would have connected him to the Hive as soon as he emerged from his maturation chamber, and the Doctor removed the actual device, One's cranial implants created a secondary one and has sent out a signal to the Borg. A long-range tactical sphere is heading towards _Voyager_ right now. The captain and Seven are going to tell One the truth. I hope he can understand. When I was with him, I saw how proud he was to be Borg. Learning what they're really like will be devastating

=/\=

 **Stardate 52103**

I've been meditating for hours now, contemplating a remarkable life - and a painfully brief one. Our "Borgling" One is dead. In a sense, he committed suicide, but this situation was so very different from what happened with Dad, I don't know how I feel about what he did. Can someone who is only days old, but is already aware enough about making choices that he can make them for himself, understand all the ramifications of his actions? Despite being Borg, he was an individual from birth; but with that marvelous mind of his, well, I guess he did understand what he was doing. He thought he had to do it. And I'm not sure I don't agree with him, as terrible as it is to have lost him that way.

He certainly knew what he was doing when he transported himself to the Borg sphere that was just about to attack us. He accessed its navigation system and steered it into the proto-nebula that was responsible for his birth. The sphere and its Borg crew were destroyed. Thanks to his almost indestructible body, One survived the sphere's explosion, and we were able to transport him to Sickbay. When the Doctor tried to heal his injuries, however, One erected a force field to prevent all attempts to save his life. Despite his mother's pleas, One insisted he must die. As long as he lived, he would be a danger to everyone on _Voyager_. The Collective would never stop trying to acquire him. Seven could only stand by helplessly and watch while One sacrificed his life for us.

Rather than risk his reanimation through the use of the technique Seven utilized to revive Dad, once the Doctor removed his mobile emitter from One's nervous system, the rest of that wonderful young person's body was effectively cremated. The physical remains were placed inside a photon torpedo. After it was shot into space, with all due ceremony, another torpedo was sent to obliterate One's, in the same manner we destroyed the "molecules not to be named," according to a standing Starfleet Directive. Only a few scattered atoms remain of a remarkable being.

We've suffered many deaths since this ship arrived in the Delta Quadrant. I must say, this was the saddest for me yet. I will always honor the memory of the third child to be "born" on _Voyager_. His name, his "designation," was perfect for him. He truly was unique.

=/\=


	33. Probing the Depths

=/\=

 **Stardate 52109**

The captain wants to explore a gas giant in a system nearby, through techniques used during the early days of the exploration of Earth's solar system. We're sending an unmanned probe into the planet's atmosphere to sample its composition and take gravimetric readings at different levels as the probe sinks towards the core of the planet.

Father already possessed the schematics for a particularly robust multispatial probe, and Dad and I worked on its construction with him. I enjoyed the project immensely. Father and Dad don't spend very much time with one another, unless we're in the middle of some sort of crisis and they _must_ interact. I spend as much time as I can with my parents; but it's almost always with just one or the other. This experience was especially rewarding for me, simply because it was with both for a change. I must say, they worked very well together on this project. Once Dad expressed his pleasure that "Mr. Vulcan" desired his services, he kept his effusiveness under control, for the most part. Father didn't grimace nearly as often as he usually does when Dad says something in his presence. While Father would never say it to him directly, he has, upon occasion, mentioned that the store of knowledge Dad acquired while traveling in the _Baxial,_ before he came to _Voyager_ , was often beneficial to us. Dad picked up many skills, most of them perfectly legal, which we utilized during the probe's construction.

We shot the probe into the planet a few hours ago. It's sending us the telemetry it was designed to procure quite successfully. The captain is very pleased. I'm sure she's also pleased because she had an ulterior motive for proposing this activity. Since One's funeral, the mood on this ship has been, well, funereal. I wasn't the only one who thought One's was the saddest of all the services we've attended. Seven is quietly grieving her son. Captain Janeway's own recovery from the depression she suffered while we traipsed through the Void is still rather tenuous. Perhaps she needed this new venture to distract herself, as much, or more, than the rest of us did.

 **Addendum**

The probe was doing so well, but the conditions are such that the probe is now stuck in one of the lower layers of the planet's atmosphere. To compound our problems, the Malon are here, too, and they're causing trouble. Actually, they've already caused trouble - for themselves. They sent one of their ships down to steal our probe, and it disintegrated in the planet's atmosphere. A second ship has arrived and is demanding we abandon our efforts to retrieve our own property.

That the Malon are being obstinate isn't a surprise, of course. I don't believe Emck survived the destruction of his vortex, but even if he did, I don't see how he could have returned to this side of the Void by now. His ship was located more than a year and a half's journey away from the borders of the Void when it was last seen, and according to our sensor data, that vortex was completely destroyed. While he may have had a method of communicating his initial meeting with _Voyager,_ before he met with disaster, another explanation is that Emck's self-centered nature was not unique for his species. The fact the Malon utilize technology which produces antimatter waste in vast quantities suggests this is likely. At any rate, they're here and demanding we stay away from our probe. And Captain Janeway is _not_ prepared to let them have it.

Tom has been working secretly for some time on plans for a stronger shuttle, which he's designated the _Delta Flyer_. Harry and B'Elanna have been helping him. A favorite topic of our crew's is our critical need for a new type of shuttle. The Class-2's, with which _Voyager_ was equipped when it was first launched, are adequate for ferrying people around within the borders of the Federation. They simply aren't strong enough for the conditions we're constantly encountering in the Delta Quadrant. None of our existing shuttles can withstand this gas giant's atmosphere, so we can't use them to get close enough to transport out probe onto our ship. Besides, we're down a shuttle again. We lost one in the proto-nebula.

Tom is confident the _Delta Flyer_ will be able to handle the job. Greatly enhancing its structural integrity was one of the design team's top goals. Once she knew we would have to send a shuttle into the gas giant's atmosphere, the captain authorized Tom and the shuttle construction team to build it. As soon as he received the OK, Tom asked me to work with them. Of course, I agreed.

After Vrelk, the Malon ship's captain, demanded we leave our probe alone, Seven scanned his vessel and found evidence that the Malon are building a very strong shuttle themselves. When she noted theirs may be farther along than ours, the captain ordered us to pick up our pace.

That would be easier to do if B'Elanna was pulling her weight. I would expect her to be extremely angry (as Tom put it, "spitting bullets") at Vrelk's audacity, ordering us to abandon our own probe to the Malon's tender mercies. In the past, she would be pushing us to work harder and faster. Instead, she's strangely disconnected from this project. I don't think she's been herself for some time. When we were in the Void, she was at odds with Tom just about all of the time. No one on Deck 9, Section 12 has complained about the "ruckus" they create while making love in quite some time.

After we escaped from the Void, she seemed a little more like herself again - for a while. Then we suffered the tragedy of One's brief life and death. And now she's been disappearing into the holodeck when she's supposed to be working with us.

I hope this isn't like Captain Janeway in the Void. I know everyone has had to deal with a degree of depression since arriving in the Delta Quadrant, simply because we've all been ripped away from our families. If B'Elanna is experiencing that condition now, the timing couldn't be much worse. We need her expertise to solve problems with the _Flyer's_ shields. We need to make sure they're strong enough to withstand the crushing pressures of the gas giant, and we're not there yet. Our simulations to date suggest that the _Delta Flyer_ won't be able to go deep enough into the atmosphere to reach our multispatial probe, either. If we can't do that, this exercise in shuttle building may be an exercise in futility, instead.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52117**

Success! The probe was retrieved with help of our newly-built _Delta Flyer_. Everyone is ecstatic. Father, of course, won't say anything out loud, but I see the signs. He's exuding that air of satisfaction he displays whenever he's very pleased about something.

We couldn't have done it without B'Elanna. She came through for us in the end. She'd identified the major problem was with the structure of the _Flyer's_ rear wall. She'd run holodeck simulations, and the gas giant's atmospheric pressure caused microfractures to form when her simulated shuttle reached a certain depth. We thought we'd solved the problem, but B'Elanna saw we hadn't. The entire team could have died. That would have included me. I was scheduled to be on the _Delta Flyer_. B'Elanna insisted on coming on the mission, which bumped me off the crew. It was lucky she stood her ground. Her ability to jury-rig solutions to such problems is well-established. I'm certainly not in her league when it comes to that kind of improvisation.

As she'd predicted, the microfractures appeared, but she added strength to the existing shielding with a temporary "brace," using an EPS relay and a phaser to create a containment field inside the shuttle's back wall. I would never have thought to use such simple tools the way she did to prevent a hull breach. Tom, Harry, Seven, and B'Elanna retrieved the probe. While we still must solve the microfracture problem before the _Flyer_ is ready for regular use, we'll now have time to come up with a better solution to the problem with the back wall, but we'll able to work at a more reasonable pace.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52119**

Rumors have been sweeping through ship that B'Elanna has been deliberately injuring herself. I would like to say they're baseless, but I spoke with Tom. It's clear they're not. He's very worried about her. He's kicking himself that he didn't realize the reason they hadn't been getting along ever since _Voyager_ entered the Void, and even after we left, was that she's depressed.

B'Elanna told Tom she's been feeling awful ever since Chakotay received the letter from his friend Sveta, informing him of the demise of the Maquis. She'd admitted that to him at the time, and he did try to console her. She said she was fine when he asked her about it afterwards, so he believed she had been able to deal with her grief. Then the Hirogen took over the ship. The alien who said he was called Steth when he came on _Voyager_ seduced her while he was inhabiting Tom's body, but he spoke cruelly to her afterwards and shattered her confidence. Even though she knew it wasn't really Tom, her trust in him was shaken. Before we entered the Mutara-class Nebula, she'd already been injuring herself for quite a while, which she hid from Tom through the use of medical instruments she'd "borrowed" from the Doctor while completing his check-ups. In the stasis tube, her body had a chance to heal, but she had terrible dreams which she never shared with Tom. By the time we entered the terrible nothingness of the Void, she was pushing Tom away and torturing herself regularly.

Tom admitted to me that he'd assumed her desire to use pain sticks sexually was a "Klingon thing." He'd gone along with her requests a couple of times, but it bothered him so much, he refused after that, despite her pleading. When the captain and the commander discovered evidence she'd sustained tissue damage and badly healed broken bones over a period of months, they initially wondered if Tom was abusing B'Elanna. Once Commander Chakotay checked the holodeck records and saw she was running dangerous programs with the safeties off, they realized that was the likely source of the injuries. They apologized to Tom, but between their assumption he was to blame, coupled with B'Elanna's recent behavior towards him, _AND_ his worry over what she's been doing to herself - well, Tom is feeling pretty down on himself now.

If anyone still has doubts about whether or not Tom truly loves B'Elanna, this should put them to rest. He's pledged to help her overcome this. Despite her habit of pushing people away to avoid getting hurt, she's not pushing Tom away this time. B'Elanna is very unhappy everyone seems to know all about what happened. I'm not sure how it came out. Tom wouldn't talk to me about it at first, but when he realized how much misinformation has been going around, he confided in me after I assured him I wouldn't share what he said with anyone else - even Harry.

He admitted both of them are hurting right now. He hopes we can help her through this. I said there's too much hurt going around right now for just about everyone. If ever a ship needed an experienced psychological counselor, this one does. But whoever would have thought _Voyager_ would need one? This is an _Intrepid_ -class science vessel, with a maximum crew of 200. Ships of this type are never assigned missions out of range of Starfleet space stations without being part of a convoy. Their missions seldom last more than six months. Our experience shows that policy may need to be reviewed. The unexpected is the rule, not the exception, in Starfleet.

=/\=


	34. The Station in the Middle of Nowhere

=/\=

 **Stardate 52136**

I was afraid we'd meet them again someday, although I hoped we wouldn't. It may not be the end of the galaxy after all, even though Kes thought that's what they'd sent to her telepathically.

We'd picked up strange energy readings on long-range sensors, which were consistent with those found on Earth. As we grew closer, we saw a space station in orbit around a yellow star, with what looked like Starfleet Headquarters and Starfleet Academy plopped onto it. The chemical composition of the environment and the topography of the section was astonishingly detailed and true to life. The captain asked for volunteers to infiltrate the station, to investigate the situation. While _Voyager_ hung in space some distance away, Commander Chakotay and Father were carried towards the station by Tom and Harry on the _Delta Flyer_ and transported down to the station. Tom pulled the shuttle behind a moon and waited for the call to pick them up, once they'd obtained enough information to satisfy our captain's - and our crew's - curiosity.

When the two commanders decided they needed to leave, a young ensign tried to stop them. Tom and Harry transported him up to the _Flyer_ with them in order to avoid breaking their cover. Once the captain began to question the ensign, he suddenly fell to the deck, dead. In Sickbay, the corpse reverted to his natural form: Species 8472.

Commander Chakotay went back to the station for a prearranged date with a Valerie Archer. While there, she obtained a sample of his DNA and discovered he really _was_ a human. The beings took the commander into custody, and Captain Janeway had to demand they return him. She had to threaten the species with nanoprobes before they would consent to a meeting.

I accompanied the replicants of Boothby, Admiral Bullock, and Valerie Archer when they traveled from the transporter room to the conference room on _Voyager._ Father stationed me just inside the door while they met with our senior officers. The Admiral Bullock replicant was just as pugnacious as the "real" Admiral Bullock. Father had never met the human Valerie Archer, so other than the fact that she was a descendant of Jonathan Archer, the captain of the first starship called _Enterprise,_ I had no basis for comparison with her replicant. The Boothby was so much like the Academy gardener, however, I was shocked. According to Commander Chakotay, the station was just as accurately recreated. Where did they obtain the detailed knowledge necessary to depict buildings, places, books, and actual people like this? It's very upsetting to contemplate.

The Boothby told the senior staff that they'd presumed we were just like the Borg, and that the "people of Dry Space" were planning to invade their Fluidic Space. They'd built this station to prepare for such an eventuality, so they would know how to defend themselves. He said they'd been observing us for some time. By shape-shifting into the images of people who actually live in the Alpha Quadrant and living like we do, they've been learning about our capabilities. As Valerie Archer explained, their motto on the station was, "Speak human, think human, be human." Boothby, claimed they have twelve "training facilities," some in other quadrants.

Captain Janeway explained that _Voyager's_ short term alliance was based upon the Borg's lies. She was quite open about why we were here in the Delta Quadrant and the main reason "that misguided alliance with the Borg" came about: we had no idea the Borg had invaded Fluidic Space first, and we were just trying to get home. She shared log entries she'd kept at the time of the alliance, so they could understand what we were told - and not told - about their species.

The Boothby replicant admitted their observations had yet to reveal Starfleet had intentions of invading them. They'd discovered most people didn't even know Fluidic Space existed - other than for a few upper-level Starfleet commanding officers (and how they knew _that_ was also quite upsetting). The captain reassured them that other than a very brief contact we made with the Alpha Quadrant when our Doctor traveled to the _Prometheus,_ through a means that no longer exists, we haven't had contact with Starfleet Command. While the Doctor was in the Alpha Quadrant, he'd mentioned contact with their people as part of the history he related about _Voyager's_ survival. He hadn't gone into great detail about their species, since they'd already withdrawn into their own realm by that time. Headquarters was more interested in finding out which officers and crew had survived the journey into the Delta Quadrant. The Doctor reported the crew's composition, which included over four dozen Maquis, a former Borg, a native of the Delta Quadrant, and a hybrid who was half Vulcan and half Talaxian.

After the meeting, the captain brought our visitors around to see our vessel. I was included in the party, and not only as a guard. Valerie Archer was very interested in meeting me and discussing the circumstances of my hybridization. Their species is the only one they've ever discovered in Fluidic Space. They "grow" their bioships using particle synthesis. I was very interested how they did this, since the physics of their realm is so different from ours, but we didn't have the time to go into as much detail as I'd have liked.

When we arrived at Astrometrics, they met Seven, who appeared as uneasy as they did until she explained she was no longer linked with the Collective and regretted her role in the Borg's deceptions. She admitted she was the one to blame for _Voyager's_ entry into their realm and apologized for that, too. She told them that the captain would not have fired the nanoprobe weapon on their bioships if their ships had not attacked _Voyager_ , and that the captain discovered the truth about which species was the first to invade the other's space only after that occurred. She gave them a quick view of our galaxy, which didn't seem to surprise them. They'd obviously gained a lot of data about "Dry Space" through their "training facility" observations.

When we arrived in Sickbay, the Doctor shared information about the multitude of species which live in "Dry Space." They returned the favor by providing data about their own species' biology with him. The Doctor returned the body of their young colleague to them, so they could perform whatever customs they had for their dead. He expressed great regret over his inability to save his life. The Boothby replicant told us they were under the impression that our people, when captured, would use a similar toxin to prevent being held prisoner. The captain explained that was not at all our custom. When the group returned to their station, they brought "Ensign Gentry" back with them, promising to take him "home" in the next day or so, when they returned to Fluidic Space.

Afterwards, the captain went to the station for a visit before _Voyager_ left the area. Boothby said he would go to their leaders to ask if they could continue their observations longer, while still practicing to "be us." He said they were "reconsidering" how dangerous we really were to them. Then he surprised our captain with a gift, which showed her, in a way nothing else could, just how well they'd done their research. Just as the "real" Boothby did when she was Cadet Kathryn Janeway at Starfleet Academy, this Boothby handed her a lovely rose.

It appears we've 'redone' our First Contact with Species 8472. I hope this "Second Contact" will be the charm. By the end of our encounter, I found a rather liked them.

 **Addendum**

The Doctor was _thrilled_ to discover that Species 8472 may have as many as five genders. He loves exploring the reproductive habits of various species, and this little tidbit fascinated him. While I understand the appeal, I was much happier to discover they seem quite nice. If and when we meet with them again, I have many other topics I'd prefer to discuss with them other than sex. The Doctor, now . . .

=/\=


	35. The Slipstream Experiment

=/\=

 **Stardate 52143**

Now I really do wish Arturis hadn't been so vengeful and self-destructive. If he'd still been here, the adaptation of his slipstream drive to _Voyager_ might have been successful. When we tried to use our version, _Voyager_ slipped out of the slipstream corridor. We almost crashed into a planet. If Tom hadn't discovered evidence of a phase variance, which might cause the slipstream corridor to become unstable, who knows what might have happened? We needed more precise detail to steer our ship through it. Harry volunteered to take the more maneuverable _Delta Flyer_ a few seconds ahead, to send the phase variations back to the ship and keep us on course. The corrections caused the slipstream to disperse, but we'd traveled 10,000 light years closer to the Alpha Quadrant in those few minutes, cutting our projected journey by about ten years.

We won't be able to try using the quantum slipstream drive again anytime soon. We don't have enough benamite, a necessary component of the engine, for one thing. B'Elanna and Seven now believe the shape of _Voyager's_ hull will make it difficult to create a stable corridor that's wide enough to allow for adjustments to our course if needed. We were able to use the corridor _Dauntless_ made to rescue the captain and Seven because it actually expanded as _Dauntless_ flew through it, and Tom flew _Voyager_ in its wake. Once the slipstream corridor dissipated, we fell into normal space in an area between star systems, so there wasn't anything in our way our shields couldn't handle. We did get quite a jolt when _Voyager_ slipped sideways in the one we were trying to create. Thanks to the course correction Commander Chakotay and Harry sent us from the _Delta Flyer_ , however, we were able to get out before losing control of the helm.

 **Addendum**

Tom, Harry, B'Elanna, and I talked over what happened in the Mess Hall this evening. When Tom complimented him on "saving our bacon" with the course correction he sent us, Harry looked very apologetic and insisted he never got around to sending his correction. He was glad he hadn't, because he's been looking over his calculations, and he isn't sure things would have worked out for us if he had. Tom and B'Elanna insisted he was being too modest.

While Harry was saying this to us, Seven came into the Mess Hall to obtain one of her Nutritional Supplement shakes (which look like, and apparently taste, just like an ordinary chocolate milkshake). I watched her hesitate when her drink was ready. I'm quite certain she was listening to us. A very strange expression crossed her face, but she left too quickly for me to ask her about it. When Tom, B'Elanna and I left Harry to go to our quarters an hour later, we passed the captain just outside the Mess Hall door, just as she was going through. The captain greeted us perfunctorily; she looked somewhat distracted. The only person still in the Mess Hall at that time was Harry, and I saw her approach him. I was curious, but Tom and B'Elanna called me to the turbolift. I didn't want to make them wait, so I left. I'll ask Harry about it in the morning.

While we were in the turbolift on the way to our quarters, the three of us discussed whether what we've learned about Steth's folding space vehicle might make it a better option for faster-than-warp travel. Tom and B'Elanna both think that drive would be easier to install on a much smaller vehicle, like the _Delta Flyer_ , than on anything as big as _Voyager_. For now, we all agreed, more research is needed before we try any other exotic drives. The Warp-10 experiment had unfortunate consequences for Tom and the captain. No one wants to try that again, even if we should find more of those ultra-high-grade dilithium crystals that were used to power the late, lamented _Cochrane_. The transwarp experiment failed, almost killing Tom and B'Elanna (thanks to the Caatati's untimely intervention). Now the slipstream drive has also failed. Everyone on _Voyager_ could have been killed!

What we need to find is a nice, safe, stable wormhole!

=/\=


	36. Lies of Omission

=/\=

 **Stardate 52162**

Father left on an away team mission several days ago. Tom was piloting the _Delta Flyer_ , and Samantha Wildman was with them. They haven't checked in with the bridge for over 48 hours. Per standard procedure, they should have reported to us at least twice during that amount of time. The last time the _Flyer_ checked in, they told us that a series of severe ion storms have been crossing their projected flight path, which will delay their arrival. Shortly after that, we received a static-filled mayday from Father, and now, nothing. The captain is very concerned, and so am I. Father would never allow a lapse this long in reporting their current status unless they were unable to communicate with us. Harry was able to track them to a star system in the area, but we haven't been able to make as detailed a search as we'd like because we've had to deal with those same ion storms. They're in trouble. We just don't know how bad it is.

Dad always stays with Naomi while Sam is off the ship on an away mission. Naomi knows her mother should have been back by now, but Dad has put off telling her about the problems the away team have had. I advised Dad he shouldn't hide what's happened from Naomi.

Captain Janeway called me into her ready room at the end of my shift. I'd asked Mr. Ayala if I could remain on the bridge to do anything necessary to assist in the search and she wanted to know how I was doing. I told her I trust that things will work out well. She told me she urged Dad to tell Naomi about her mother and asked me to do the same. I explained I'd already tried. "He has very strong feelings about losing his family on Rinax, Captain. I think that's why he's hoping everything will turn out okay, and he won't have to disturb Naomi's peace of mind."

The captain sighed. "Your dad is a very strong-willed individual!"

I smiled at that, because he certainly is. "Yes," I replied. "He's had to be, to survive on his own for so long. I'm not sure what might have happened to him if you hadn't accepted him on your ship, Captain. I'm in a very good position to know, thanks to the memories he bequeathed me. He was drifting from place to place, turning his hand to whatever came up - and, as you know, some of it wasn't totally legal. Coming on board this ship saved his life. I'm certain of it."

"I'm happy to have him here. He's earned his place, just as you have since your . . . what do you and your fathers call it? Your 'advent?'"

"Yes. To call it a birth seems inappropriate. I've always been an adult in form, even if I've had to struggle to understand myself and how to act. My fathers have presented me with examples from the way they've lived their lives, but I'm the one who must do that in my own skin."

She smiled at my comment and said, "You're doing fine, Mr. Tuvix. Your Father is an excellent role model. He's been my mentor for many years. Your Dad has become a good friend, but sometimes he needs a . . . well, a kick in the pants, if you know what I mean."

"I do, Captain. He doesn't want to scare Naomi, but it will only upset her more when she finds out her mother has been missing, especially if . . . well, I don't want to think about that. I'll keep trying to convince him to let her know the truth. I just can't promise I'll be successful."

"That's all I can ask, Lieutenant. I'll order Neelix to tell Naomi if I must, but I'd prefer it if he'd listen to reason and tell her before I have to go to that extreme. Now, as to staying on the bridge beyond your shift . . . Mr. Ayala told me about your request. If you wish to remain there for another couple of hours, you may. Don't stay too long. I'm afraid we'll need your expertise tomorrow, too, and you'll need your rest. You could spend a little time with Naomi tonight, too. Sam showed me the lovely book the two of you made while we were in the Void. It's nice to see our two 'children' getting along with each other, especially during times like this."

I thanked the captain and went back to the bridge for two hours before taking her advice about visiting with Naomi and Dad in the Wildman quarters. I only stayed for about an hour before returning to my own quarters and meditated. I needed to center myself, because I am so very worried about Father.

I would carry on without Father if need be. Dad thought I'd be able to deal with losing him when he had his crisis of faith several months ago, but that would have been devastating, because that loss would have been so preventable. This is different. Losing Father this way would be due the risks one accepts when one becomes a member of a Starfleet vessel's crew. I'm an adult, with lots of experience in coming of age - in a sense, I did it twice, although only vicariously, through the memories I inherited from my fathers. I'd find it exceedingly difficult, but I'd cope.

But Naomi's situation is so different. If we can't get them back, Dad, as her godfather, would take physical custody of her. Everyone on this ship would help out - but she's so little. Naomi fools us into thinking she's older than she is much of the time. She's grown out of toddlerhood so quickly; she's articulate and acts very mature for her age. But she needs her mother, the more so because her own father is far away in the Alpha Quadrant. I know the captain hopes no one else on this ship will reproduce. She doesn't believe children belong on a starship, especially not one in the situation ours is in. As charming as it is to have Naomi around, I guess I can see the captain's point.

If we lose Tom, B'Elanna would have a very hard time, too. Commander Chakotay is counseling her after her recent bout of depression, and I'd hate for her to have adjust to living without him now that they've grown so close again. Actually, everyone on _Voyager_ would be devastated to lose Tom. None of the other pilots can compare with his skills as a pilot. During a fight, or whenever we're trying to escape one, everyone wants Tom at the helm.

I went them back. All of them, safe and sound.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52164**

Of course, just as the captain and I warned Dad might happen, Naomi found out about her mother accidentally. She came to the bridge unexpectedly during the night shift and heard the crew's desperate efforts to reach the buried _Delta Flyer_. She understood the ramifications immediately. She's a very intelligent little girl. She was also an extremely upset one. She ran to her Flotter and Trevis holodeck program. Dad found her there and finally was honest with her about the accident. He assured Naomi everyone was doing all they could to rescue her mother and the rest of the team. Then he confessed about how terrible it was for him when he lost his family, and that he only wanted to protect her from being hurt.

(Dad told me later that Flotter and Trevis both chastised him severely for upsetting their Naomi, and he promised them he'd do better in the future. Out of the mouths of holodeck characters . . . He listened to them when he wouldn't listen to the captain or me!)

Fortunately, we were able to rescue Sam, Father, and Tom just before their air gave out. It's a good thing the _Delta Flyer_ is stronger than the shuttle designs brought from the Alpha Quadrant. A Class-2 would have been completely destroyed in the crash. B'Elanna says the _Delta Flyer_ will be up and running again in just a few days.

Samantha will be on medical leave for several shifts, so she'll be able to spend more time with her daughter. Sam suffered serious internal injuries in the accident, and Tom didn't have the medical equipment he needed to do more than give her first aid. She needed an operation. The Doctor performed it as soon as she was transported to Sickbay. Naomi was allowed to visit her mother there, and she refused to leave her until the Doctor was willing to release Samantha to her quarters.

Naomi's doing much better now that her mother is back, but she was so very afraid. I hope Dad has learned his lesson. Trying to deceive a child is dangerous. I'm glad the worst didn't happen; I'm not sure Naomi would have ever forgiven him if it did.

=/\=


	37. Brine in the Veins

=/\=

 **Stardate 52176**

Monea is an ocean world, a truly wondrous place. Not merely an ocean-covered world: the globe consists entirely of ocean. Where it originally came from, and how it went into orbit around its sun, are mysteries, but just looking at the light of its star reflecting over the rippling waters is such a pleasure! The captain doesn't recall ever hearing about its like in the Alpha or Beta Quadrants, and Dad said he's never heard of another planet made totally from water anywhere in the Delta Quadrant. In the sector of space where Dad met the captain and crew of _Voyager_ , water was a precious commodity. There was never enough of it to go around in that region. This planet would have attracted "everyone," according to Dad.

Several representatives of its people, who live in underwater settlements, visited us on _Voyager_ three days ago. During the meeting, problems with the water's containment were mentioned, and the captain allowed Tom, Harry, and Seven to refit the _Delta Flyer_ for travelling underwater to see if they could find out what the problem is. Their undersea voyage was very successful. They found an ancient field reactor deep in the Monean water planet's ocean, which was maintaining the ocean's integrity, and repaired it. Riga, the Monean who accompanied them in the Flyer, was delighted to discover how the planet was staying together. His people had never known of the existence of some of the creatures living in the deep before this trip into the waters.

Unfortunately, the repair to the device may not last too long. While underneath the ocean, Tom and the rest of the team downloaded information from the computer core which controls the reactor and discovered the real problem. By removing oxygen from the water, the Moneans' refineries increasing the ocean's density. Eventually, the denser waters will crush the device holding the planet together. All the water will fly into space. The Monean people may survive by escaping the disaster in their undersea ships, which are adapted for flight in space. But what about the sea creatures living within the ocean? They'd have nowhere to go. They all would become extinct. Riga was appalled when Tom showed him the data proving this would happen.

Despite the bad news the team had to deliver along with the good, Burkus, the Monean Maritime Sovereignty deputy consul, presented the team with the Monean Emblem of Maritime Distinction for their services. While Tom was happy to be recognized for their good deed, he's very unhappy about the cavalier way Burkus was planning to deal with the bad news. In five of their years, the containment field around the field reactor will be unable to hold the planet together. This lovely world of water will disappear, and he's certain Riga is right. The government won't do anything to save it until it's already too late.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52180**

I asked Father to assign me to the security team for the disciplinary hearing in Captain Janeway's ready room. He assigned Timothy Lang and Lydia Anderson instead. He stationed me outside the entrance to the brig, however, allowing me to see Tom before his incarceration.

Tom and the Monean scientist Riga took the _Delta Flyer_ without permission and tried to destroy the refineries which are destroying the ocean. Captain Janeway was forced to fire upon them to prevent a Prime Directive violation. The captain demoted Tom to ensign and sentenced him to Thirty Days solitary confinement in the brig. Dad says Tom will be all right. "He's very resilient. He's had to be, thanks to all the things that have happened to him in his life." (I suspect Dad identifies with Tom more than most of the people on this vessel.)

Poor Riga was trying to help his people. I wonder what they'll do to him for his part in this event? We'll never know. As soon as the captain meted out Tom's sentence, which satisfied the Monean government official Burkus, _Voyager_ was permitted to leave orbit. It might be more accurate to say we were sent on our way again. Without Tom's steady hand at the helm, I worry. The other pilots are competent, but when there's trouble, we need Tom at the helm.

 **Addendum**

Lieutenant Carey contacted me tonight and asked me if I would speak with B'Elanna. She's been tearing around Engineering in a "snit," and she won't tell him or any of her other staff what's wrong. Harry's already tried to talk to her, but she refused to even speak with him. I promised to see what I could do.

I invited her to my quarters, but, quite properly, I'd have to say, she refused to meet me there. I then suggested we go elsewhere, such as the Mess Hall, Holodeck One, or perhaps one of the airponics bays. She said no to every one until I suggested we meet in front of Seven's regeneration alcoves. "That's a neutral place. People come in and out all day and all night. And Seven will probably be there, too. The proprieties would certainly be observed there, don't you think?" I said to her.

I thought she was going to blow up at me, but then she said she had some holodeck time coming to her, and meeting there would "probably" be okay. She told me to meet her at Holodeck One at 2300 - and not to be late.

When we arrived, she opened a holodeck program. I was stunned when I walked through the arch and into the glorious black and white setting of the Captain Proton program. I didn't know what to say. According to Tom, B'Elanna has always refused to join Harry and him in this scenario. He'd asked her many times to have "fun" in it with them. And now, here we were.

I must have looked as confused as I felt, because B'Elanna directed me to a platform and ordered me to take a seat. "This is where I talked him into it," she said brusquely. "It's my fault. I should be in the brig, too."

I said, as gently as I could, "I think we both know Tom wouldn't have done what he did unless he really wanted to do it."

She leaned back against a very archaic-looking prop and agreed he'd wanted to do it, but he was unsure if he should. "He was very upset Monea was going to boil off into space if no one did anything to stop them from what they were doing to their planet. To themselves. He told me that Captain Proton wasn't going to be able save the day this time. And I said, 'What about Tom Paris?' He turned to me and got that look on his face, like he was opening a present. And then he went off and almost got himself killed!"

I patted the platform next to me. She stopped her relentless pacing and sat down. We sat quietly for a long minute - not a particularly comfortable silence on my part, or, I guess, hers, either. Finally I said, "You didn't tell him to act the way he did. He did that on his own. I understand you're feeling angry at the captain, and at yourself, because you would have gone with him if he'd asked you to. Am I right about that?"

"He didn't want me with them." Exactly as I'd thought.

"B'Elanna, Tom will get through this. And I don't think the captain is going to hold it against him forever, either. She has to maintain discipline. He took the _Delta Flyer_ without permission. He refused to follow a direct order when she ordered him to cease what he was doing, which he knew was a violation of the Prime Directive. I know, because I was on the bridge at the backup security station and watching when she ordered him to cease and desist. Captain Janeway can let some things go. This was something she couldn't.

"Personally, even if you hadn't come in here to speak with him, I think Tom would have gone to Riga, and they would have acted exactly as they eventually did. Didn't they know the government wouldn't change their policies, even though they'd been warned in the strongest possible way what would happen? Weren't you there when the captain offered them alternate technologies to deal with this problem, and Burkus as good as ignored her offer?"

She nodded, as I knew she would. She'd stormed out of the conference room in a rage because of the way Burkus had rudely shut down Tom and Riga when they'd pleaded with him to take stronger action to prevent the ultimate disaster. I was on the bridge that time, too, on duty at the Tactical station.

"I still feel guilty," she said. "I couldn't tell Harry about this. He would have been upset, and I'd have deserved whatever he said to me. Maybe I would have run to the captain and told her I goaded Tom into it, so she should put me in the brig, too."

"Ah. Now I understand why you wouldn't speak to Harry, but may I ask why you were willing to speak with me?"

She looked at me, and a little smile, mixed with a grimace, showed on her lips. "With your logical Vulcan half and your compassionate Talaxian side, I thought you'd give me good advice."

I chuckled, quite deliberately, I must admit. I wanted to lighten the mood a little, because I knew, despite that shadow of a smile, that B'Elanna was still very upset. "Well," I said, "I don't think the captain would sentence you to spending thirty days in the brig in the same cell with Tom, so get that out of your head. It's bad enough we won't have Tom's services at the helm for a month. We can't be without our chief engineer, too. My advice is to wait as patiently as you can until Tom is released. He'll need your support once he's free. My Talaxian Dad Neelix told me Tom will get through this. You will, too. I'm not going to tell you _NOT_ to feel guilty. Your feelings are your feelings. My Vulcan half tells me you need to keep strong emotions under control. When our Ensign Tom gets out of the brig, be there for him. You know he loves you."

"He never says it to me!"

"Maybe not in those words, but doesn't he show you he does? All the time?"

She nodded. Her smile was genuine this time. "Yes, he really does."

"Then show him you love him, too, by being the very best chief engineer in Starfleet for the next thirty days. And maybe arrange your schedule with Commander Chakotay so that you'll have lots of time to be with him when he is free. You can even spend a few hours with him in this program. If you do, ask him if he's got a character for me to play! This looks like fun."

I put my arm around her and gave her a little hug, and then we got up to leave. Just before we did, she looked around the setting and said, "This is the silliest program he's ever come up with."

"I think that's why he comes here so often. Silly can be lots of fun."

She actually laughed a little then. We closed down the program. As we walked out into the corridor, B'Elanna admitted, "I'm glad we talked." I told her I was glad, too. And we went on our separate ways. I hope she takes my advice. I meant everything I said.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52230**

I finally had a chance to speak with Tom at dinner in the Mess Hall this evening. He was a little subdued after spending thirty days in the brig, but he didn't seem too deeply affected by the experience. He said it gave him a chance to reflect upon his life. He also said he wrote a letter, but he wouldn't say to whom. I hope it was to B'Elanna.

He's not sorry he tried to help the Moneans, whose leaders were too short-sighted to see they needed to make changes, but he said he knows he needs to make better choices in the future. I hope he holds to that resolve. I know B'Elanna was simply beaming at him when he told me that. He was smiling when he said this, so his sense of humor does seem to have survived intact.

It was good to see him at the helm again when I came on duty at Tactical this afternoon. He's going to be serving shifts at odd times for a while, to reinforce his need to follow proper procedures, but that's only when things are going well. When we're under attack, you may be sure that Tom will be in the pilot's seat. After our scary experience two weeks ago with Mr. Culhane at the helm (his defensive maneuvers were, to quote Dad, "puerile" - and Father did not contradict him), it's good to know he'll be available again when we need him.

=/\=


	38. Medical Ethics

=/\=

 **Stardate 52246**

B'Elanna was attacked by an alien yesterday. It secreted a paralyzing venom and fastened itself onto her body. In an attempt to separate the creature from B'Elanna, the Doctor consulted his medical database and created a holographic character based upon Crell Moset, a Cardassian who is an expert in exobiology. When Tabor learned of this, he demanded the hologram and all of Moset's work be deleted from the database. Tabor accused Moset of murder. His experiments on Bajorans during the Occupation of Bajor caused terrible suffering. His famous cure for the fostossa virus came after he inflicted thousands with the deadly disease. He poured acid on people to see how long it took for their skin to heal. Tabor's grandfather's internal organs were exposed to nadion radiation; it took him six agonizing days to die.

When B'Elanna heard about this, she ordered the Doctor not to use any of Moset's work to treat her. Tom pleaded with the captain to permit the Doctor to use the hologram's expertise. The captain sided with Tom. B'Elanna was angry with them both, but I think she forgave Tom because she still feels guilty that she encouraged him to save the Moneans from themselves. She isn't so forgiving about the captain's actions, but I do understand Captain Janeway's position. We couldn't afford to lose our chief engineer if there was any way to save her.

The Doctor worked with the Moset hologram and removed the parasite from B'Elanna, but he didn't use the method Moset had recommended, which would have killed the creature. The Doctor used a milder neural shock, which weakened its motor control without killing it. An alien vessel arrived a little while later. They transported the alien onto their ship to bring it home.

The captain gave the Doctor the right to decide whether or not all of Crell Moset's research should be removed from his medical database. Since the Doctor's own matrix isn't large enough to hold everything he needs to know, a large portion of the data is kept for him to consult when necessary. All the Bajorans have very strong negative feelings about Crell Moset. From what Tabor and Tal Celes told us about the way Moset conducted his research, he's not someone I'd wish to get to know, yet he's a respected scientist, the chairman of the exobiology department at the University of Culat, on Cardassia Prime. It wasn't an easy choice for the EMH.

I sympathize with Tabor. I know how Dad feels about the Haakonian Order, after the way they destroyed his people on Rinax. But when Jetrel came to _Voyager_ , hoping (but failing) to resurrect the people who died because his research was used to create the Metreon Cascade, Dad was able to forgive the man before he died of a condition caused by the Cascade. Deleting all of Moset's findings won't bring back the Bajorans he killed. Perhaps the fact that the man is alive and apparently thriving is a factor in Tabor's and Celes's inability to tolerate his hologram.

Is pure research ever good or bad? The methods used to obtain this data were certainly evil, if even a small part of what our Bajoran crew members attest is true - and I believe everything Tabor and Celes told us. But the data exists. The deciding factor for the Doctor may have been how perturbed he felt when the Moset hologram was so willing to shock the alien to death in order to detach it from B'Elanna. The EMH decided he would prefer not to consult this particular set of files in the future. He deleted them all.

This must have been as difficult a decision for the EMH as the one the captain had to make when I replaced Father and Dad for those two weeks. If we hadn't discovered a way to duplicate me, this log would never exist.

=/\=


	39. Voices of the Lost

=/\=

 **Stardate 52343**

Dad is very upset. A "mystery snacker" has been raiding his food supplies. There's no pattern to the raids he can discern. Different foods are taken almost every night, so he can't tell what the snacker's ethnicity might be based upon food preferences. He or she could always use the replicator instead of stealing food Dad's set aside for a reason, such as a treat for someone's birthday. Dad always leaves non-perishable foods like fruit out for those working Gamma shift. He also can't understand why other foods are shoved onto the floor. Dad's tried to stay up to catch whoever's responsible, but how can he? He has so many duties to fulfill during the day, he hasn't been able to stay awake long enough to discover the snacker's identity. He's very annoyed.

Since Father has not seen fit to station anyone in the kitchen overnight, Dad has requested permission to replicate stronger locks for the food storage lockers. If that doesn't stop the person who's doing this, I may volunteer to post my own vigil. I'll be free tomorrow night.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52345**

I didn't have to spend a night in the Mess Hall. We've discovered who the "snacker" is. It's Seven! If the reason wasn't so serious, everyone would be joking about it; but it's not funny.

B'Elanna asked Seven to come to Engineering to look at a subspace frequency she'd detected, which appeared to have Borg characteristics. Seven confirmed it to be a Borg neural interlink frequency, which connects the minds of drones with all the others. Suddenly, Seven's entire demeanor changed. Our cool, calm, former Borg began to enact a Klingon mating ritual. At first, B'Elanna thought this was a joke Tom had somehow convinced Seven to play on her, but when "the son of K'vok" suddenly grabbed B'Elanna and bit her on the cheek, B'Elanna knocked Seven across the deck and into a wall before calling Security. Seven ran away.

Father and I found her curled into a ball in a corridor, confined between two force fields, with Ensign Larsson lying on the floor, unconscious. She had his phaser dangling between her fingers. When she answered Father, her voice was plaintive, like a young child's. She said her name was Maryl, and she was frightened. Father put down his phaser (although, since he didn't signal me to do likewise, mine was still pointed in her direction). When Seven stood up, her voice and posture changed. She told us she was Sabaltern Lorot of the Vulcan High Command, who was willing to "assist" us. She ordered us to take Larsson to Sickbay. At first she was cooperative, but suddenly, Seven turned and snarled in Klingon at Father. Presumably, she thought she was "the son of K'vok" again. We were forced to stun her in order to bring Larsson and Seven to Sickbay.

When the Doctor examined her, he discovered her neural pattern was mixed with many others, from many different species. Some are known to us, such as the Vulcan and the Klingon, but others belong to those we must never have encountered to date. It soon became clear the interlink frequency discovered by B'Elanna was prompting the personalities of people who had been assimilated to take over Seven's mind. The Doctor is utilizing a cortical inhibiter to suppress the "voices" that are coming out of dormancy and controlling her, one after another, as they become active. That's working, for now, but the source of this signal is still a mystery.

 **Supplemental**

 _Voyager_ is passing close to a field of debris from a Borg cube. Father has identified the source of the interlink frequency: a Borg vinculum, a device which connects drones via the interlink frequency. We transported the device into Engineering. B'Elanna and Father are trying to find a way to shut it off so that the voices clamoring within Seven's mind can be silenced.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52347**

Seven has been unable to focus on any task, even though the Doctor has increased the cortical inhibitor to its maximum power setting. The voices are breaking through. She has been taken over by the Klingon warrior looking for a mate, a Ferengi, a woman searching for her son at Wolf 359, an Ensign Stone of the _USS Tombaugh_ , a Bolian manicurist, and a Krenim temporal scientist, among many others. Naomi told Dad that she played Kadis-kot the other day with Seven, and she was "acting odd" then, almost as if she was as young as Naomi. I surmise this was the little girl Maryl, whom Father and I encountered in the corridor. Currently, Seven is lying on a biobed in Sickbay, writhing in torment. She can barely finish a sentence in one person's voice before a totally different one takes over. Although the Doctor has made several attempts to bring Seven out of this state, he's now unable to find Seven's own neural pattern when he scans her brain. He believes she may be lost to us.

Father believes there may be a way to return her to sanity. He's been working with B'Elanna to turn off the power of the vinculum, which should stop activating the many dormant personalities in Seven's brain. The vinculum was deliberately infected with an artificial pathogen, designed to cause this mental deterioration in Borg, or, as Father has put it, "to bring chaos to order" through the drones' link with the Hive. The device is continuously emitting a damaged signal. When _Voyager_ passed near the debris field, the signal affected Seven.

We've identified the people who are responsible for what has happened to Seven. Before her condition worsened, Seven identified the last shuttle assimilated by the Borg cube as one belonging to Species 6339. The pathogen must have originated with them. We located and approached one of their ships to ask them if they had a cure for the ailment. Their spokesperson Ven told us the Borg had assimilated billions of their people. Since their purpose is to destroy as many Borg as possible in revenge for those losses, they never developed an antidote. Ven insists we return the vinculum to the debris field so that more Borg will be infected by this pathogen. We know the Borg's usual practice is to send drones to the sites of their destroyed vessels, to salvage anything of value. This vinculum, which up to now is working exactly as they planned, would attract their attention. Captain Janeway has refused to return it to the debris field until a way is found to block its effects on Seven. Ven warned the captain that if we do not return it immediately, they will take it from us by force.

Father told the captain and the Doctor that the only treatment they haven't yet tried was a mind meld. He believes he will be able to locate her personal brainwave pattern, which is now buried within her consciousness, and can pull it up to the surface. If the vinculum is powered down at the same time, he believes "order will replace the chaos" which now rules Seven's mind. While the Doctor is very unhappy about this proposal, since it may be dangerous for Father, he has no viable alternative to offer. The captain authorized the mind meld.

Father is meditating in his quarters right now to prepare for the procedure. It promises to be an ordeal for both of them. I'm about to return to the bridge. Since Father is not available, I will be at Tactical if Species 6339 attacks while the mind meld with Seven is taking place.

 **Supplemental**

Species 6339 (whose actual name for themselves they've yet to reveal) began to fire on _Voyager_ while Father was performing the mind meld. At the same time, B'Elanna was working to remodulate the dampening field around the vinculum, to prevent more attacks from the mental remains of the assimilated upon Seven's mind. _Voyager_ sustained significant damage during the battle, which interrupted main power several times while they worked. Father was able to locate Seven in the chaos of her mind, however, after B'Elanna successfully disabled the vinculum.

The captain contacted Ven to tell him we were returning the vinculum, but his ship wouldn't stop firing at us. Finally, a very frustrated Captain Janeway ordered us to "Lock onto the damn thing and beam it into space." Once that was done, the captain ordered us to speed away at high warp. We had to get as far away, as quickly as possible. We don't want the damaged signal affecting Seven after the dampening field around the vinculum dissipates.

Father is in his quarters now, resting from his ordeal. I wish I could have helped him while he was in the meld, but if I had been linked with them at the time, I know I would only have impeded his efforts. Seven is regenerating. Tom and the Doctor had to prop her up in her alcove until the cycle initiated, at which point they were able to step back to allow the mechanism to do its work. Tom told me she'll probably need to remain in regeneration mode for several days - perhaps as long as a week.

We left the vinculum floating in space for Ven and his people to find, assuming they didn't destroy it with their own weapons fire. If they're able to power it back up - and I presume they will, since B'Elanna had so much trouble shutting it down (it kept regenerating itself while she was working on it) - they'll have to return it to the debris field themselves. And if they should happen to encounter any Borg while they're there, well, that will be _their_ problem.

I am getting quite sarcastic in my "old age." Perhaps that's inevitable, given the number of aggressive species we've encountered during the three years I have been Tuvix. Maybe I should keep my cynicism under better control. After all, these species have been dealing with the depredations of the Borg for a lot longer than the people of the Alpha Quadrant have. The Borg provoke all sorts of negative responses in people; I must include myself in their number.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52357**

Seven is finally up and about. As Tom predicted, she regenerated for more than six days before the magic words "regeneration cycle complete" were pronounced by her cubicle. The Doctor was monitoring her remotely from Sickbay and rushed to greet "Sleeping Beauty" when her eyes finally fluttered open. According to Tom, Seven was not particularly amused by the Doctor's allusion to a fairy tale. I'd have to agree. If anything, this experience was a horror story. It was good to see Seven walking down the corridor with Naomi this morning, however.

Naomi was balancing a stack of PADDs in her arms when the pair entered the turbolift. I saw Naomi in the Mess Hall later on and asked her about them, since several were scattered around the table while Naomi was consuming her lunch. Naomi explained that Seven had given her subjects to study so that the captain would designate Naomi as the Captain's Bridge Assistant. Our Delta-born child is quite ambitious. She told me, in confidence, of course, that after a while, she'll be promoted to ensign, then lieutenant, and finally, by the time _Voyager_ reaches the Alpha Quadrant, she'll be a captain.

I didn't wish to disappoint her, but at the rate promotions have been given out on this ship, Naomi will be lucky to make ensign by the time we arrive home. I chose not to correct her. She's a very bright young girl. If anyone can do it, I suspect she can.

Naomi had another bit of news for me, too. After Seven gave her the PADDs to study, she asked Naomi to teach _her_ something. "Seven wishes to 'participate in recreational activities.' She wants me to teach her how to play Kadis-kot!"

I was very pleased to hear that. Her recovery from "multiple personality disorder," as the Doctor diagnosed her, is going very well.

 **Supplemental**

My meditations for this evening are complete, but I'm not quite ready to go to sleep yet. My warm feelings about Seven's "recovery" from her illness have faded. This is due, in part, to observations made this evening during dinner. I was enjoying a better-than-average meal from Dad with Tom and B'Elanna. He was trying to get her to decide on a character to play in the Captain Proton program, and she was shooting down every concept he came up with. She did it with humor, however, leading me to believe she'll agree to one eventually.

While we were chatting, Seven came into the Mess Hall and chose Dad's least-spicy entrée, along with one of her Nutritional Supplement shakes. I didn't pay much attention to where she went afterwards. She usually brings her meals to Astrometrics or her cargo bay, eating while she works. Dad always says that's very bad for the digestion, but above all things, Seven prizes efficiency. Combining tasks is a way to achieve that goal, if someone is capable of multi-tasking.

After a while I glanced at Tom. He hadn't said much for a while. I noticed his attention was fixed on something, or someone, in the corner. Seven had taken a seat at a table there, but when I looked over at her, she was holding a forkful of food in the air and staring into space.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Tom begin to get to his feet, but he stopped when Seven placed the food into her mouth and began to slowly chew her casserole. I would like to say she seemed to be enjoying her meal, but, as I murmured to Tom, "I don't think she even knows she's eating. Are the voices coming back?"

Tom didn't say anything for a few minutes. B'Elanna snorted in disgust a few times, but after she looked over her shoulder at Seven, a quizzical look crossed her face. She said, "Earth to Tom? Come in, Tom?" but without any trace of anger, which I expected to see from her.

"Sorry, B'Elanna. To answer your question, Tuvix, I don't think the voices are back, exactly; but even if you slept for a week after an experience like that, would the memory of what happened leave you right away? I don't think I'd get over it that quickly."

"I wouldn't, either," B'Elanna agreed, before observing, "You know, we completed a diagnostic on an out-of-phase viewscreen this afternoon, and she wasn't as abrasive as usual. I thought it was a good sign. Maybe it wasn't. Tom, are you going to call the Doctor?"

"Not right now. She's taken a sip of her shake, so maybe she was just distracted for a moment. I'll keep an eye on her, though. If she shows any other symptoms, I will contact him."

For the rest of the meal, the three of us paid more attention to the solitary figure in the corner than we did our own food. As far as I could see, Seven had eaten her entire meal by the time she left the Mess Hall, but I wonder if she had any idea what or how much she'd consumed.

Memories are precious things, but some can bedevil a person. There are many things I wish I'd said or done, and didn't. I wish I'd reached out a little sooner to Kes to restore our friendship, for example, since she was gone from our lives so soon afterwards. And there are other things I wished I hadn't done but did, and it's too late to do anything about them now.

And _I_ never helped assimilate thousands, maybe even millions of people, whose personalities are still buried deep in my memory. Their voices may be stilled, in more ways than one, but what would it be like to know they're still lurking in the recesses of my mind, in a dormant state, ready to haunt me again if another race decides to get back at the Borg the way Species 6339 did?

Seven is beautiful - spectacularly gifted in so many ways - and I'm glad I'm not her.

=/\=


	40. Gamesmanship

=/\=

 **Stardate 52397**

I've never met Kashyk. I'm always in suspension, inside of the transporter buffer, whenever the Devore come calling to _Voyager_.

I've heard about him, of course. Every time Jurot, Vorik, Father, and I come out of transporter suspension after the Devore inspection ship has departed, satisfied (more or less) that there aren't any telepaths aboard, the crew speaks of little else. Most of the Devore are rude and boorish. Everyone agrees, however, that Inspector Kashyk is different. A smooth operator, Tom said. Full of himself, B'Elanna told me. Arrogant, declared Dad. A Svengali, according to Harry. I had to look up that reference; it suggests he's "spellbinding." The Delaney sisters agree Kashyk is very handsome, but Jenny considers him conceited, and Megan says he's untrustworthy. When she told me this, she added, "I don't like the way he looks at the captain. He's on the make; I'm sure of it." Megan had to define "on the make" for me. "He wants to bed her," she explained.

I understood her then. Maybe if I really was telepathic, she wouldn't have had to spell it out so bluntly for me. I'm not, of course, but I _am_ half Vulcan. That's enough of a reason for me to have been reported as deceased in the doctored logs, along with my twin Neevok (who, of course, actually is dead, as is Lon Suder, Veronica Stadi, and T'Prena, the nurse who did not survive the crossing into the Delta Quadrant). Father, Vorik, and Jurot supposedly died two months ago, in the same shuttle accident that claimed my life. The captain told me she did give serious consideration to claiming I was totally Talaxian, like Dad, but she ultimately decided the database contained too many references to my joint heritage to risk it. I've been plunged into the nothingness of transporter suspension with Father, Vorik, and Julie Jurot whenever the Devore come to poke, prod, and probe every corner of the ship, determined to find the telepaths they're sure we have hidden away somewhere on our ship.

And we do. We're ferrying twelve members of two Brenari families to safety. The Devore send any telepathic individuals they find to "relocation centers." B'Elanna calls them extermination camps. She remembers the revelations transmitted to her by Korenna Mirell, who traveled with us on _Voyager_ three years ago. B'Elanna is certain the Devore are doing the same thing to telepaths that the Enarans did to the "Regressives" on Korenna's home planet. Their "colony" never existed. Ironically, if any Enarans wandered into the Devore Imperium, they'd suffer the same fate the Brenari do who try to travel through this space. The Enarans are also telepathic.

What I haven't been able to understand is why the Devore capture any telepaths they find, even if they're trying desperately to escape from the Imperium. Why not just exile them, since the Devore can't accept living among telepaths? You'd think they'd be willing to "encourage" the telepaths to hurry through the wormhole. The people we're helping have absolutely no desire to stay here. It is totally illogical to capture and keep, even for a short time, people you feel are going to "steal" your thoughts without your permission. Are Devore minds full of such dark and terrible thoughts, they can't stand that anyone else might catch even a brief glimpse?

After today's inspection, once we were released from our transporter-buffer haven, the Doctor took Father and several of the Brenari refugees to Sickbay. He needed to treat them for acute cellular degradation, a condition which occurs when someone is held for a prolonged period in transporter suspension. The effect is cumulative, and if unchecked, terminal. The Doctor scanned me and found only a small amount of damage to my cells as of now, but "to be safe," he scheduled me to come to Sickbay tomorrow morning for a treatment.

It's quite interesting that my body is holding up better than Father's. If one averages Dad's chronological age with Father's to estimate mine, I would be somewhat younger than my Vulcan parent, but another factor may be that my Talaxian genes are resistant to the condition. I told Dad he should go into suspension to see how it affects him. He chuckled slightly and told me, in no uncertain terms, he had no intentions of doing so. The Doctor was extremely disappointed when I relayed Dad's response to him. Our EMH is very concerned about the dangers to our crew from this effect, but he'd love to oversee a controlled experiment if Dad were willing. But he isn't.

 **Supplemental**

"I've never met Kashyk." Famous last words, as the saying goes.

I'd just finished my previous log entry when who should appear but the man himself? He arrived in a one-man shuttle, seeking asylum - or so he said. He told the captain he hates what he's been doing, so he's defecting. He knows about the twelve Brenari we rescued from the freighter, and he knows we're heading towards a wormhole that telepaths use to escape the Devore Imperium. He wants them to get away. He claims the Imperium knows the wormhole's approximate location and has the area staked out. Our ship will never get through without his aid. Kashyk wants to help because that way, he'll escape the Imperium, too.

Captain Janeway has granted Kashyk asylum, as he expected she would. He's noticed from reading our logs that "that's what you do." He's been assigned living quarters, but our captain hasn't trusted him with the "keys to the ship" (wonderful expression) just yet. He has limited access to our ship's systems, such as the computer and replicators (since he might decide to replicate a weapon for himself). Whenever he steps out of his quarters, he will be accompanied by security staff. I know, because Andrews and I have been assigned to guard him tomorrow morning. My appointment with the Doctor has been postponed until tomorrow afternoon.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52401**

I've had ample opportunity to observe our Mr. Kashyk over the past few days. He's very charming. A little too much so. He's everything my crewmates have said of him, and more.

The one whose opinion matches up the most with mine is Megan Delaney's. He's interested in getting a lot more from Captain Janeway than passage through a wormhole. Unfortunately, she seems to enjoy his attentions, although she hasn't loosened the restrictions she's placed on his access to the ship's systems or movement around the ship. He's still being shadowed by security every second, unless he's meeting with the captain somewhere - and even then, guards are stationed outside the door until their meeting is over.

While the captain still seems wary around him, I do detect signs of loneliness in her behavior. That could make her susceptible to what Kashyk has to offer. He _is_ very handsome. Even I can see that. Captain Janeway is very interested in the arts of all kinds, as her Leonardo DaVinci holodeck program illustrates very well. I don't know any crew member who is as invested in that sort of thing as she is, certainly not in the way Kashyk seems to be. They've been comparing the cultures of the Imperium and the Federation, the negative aspects as well as the positive. Kashyk enjoys Terran classical music, particularly works by Tchaikovsky and Mahler. He always played Mahler's _Symphony Number One_ over the ship's comm system to "relax" the crew whenever his team came to inspect _Voyager_ \- or so I've been told, since my molecules were suspended in the transporter buffer during those visits. He appreciates the visual arts as well. I have no doubt he'd tell the captain he never met a nebula he didn't like - because they're "so beautiful."

Perhaps I need to tamp down my cynicism and return to the point I wished to make earlier, about the captain's lack of a romantic outlet. She's good friends with Commander Chakotay, of course, but Starfleet protocol forbids a closer association between captain and first officer, even this far away from the Federation. They have dinner in her quarters about once a week, as long as we're not in the middle of a crisis. Whenever Dad hosts a luau in his resort program, they come together as "dates," but from what Tom's told me, if they had to pay for the outing the way people did in the 20th century of our unexpected visit to Earth, courtesy of Henry Starling, they'd be "going Dutch." In other words, they'd each be paying for their own meal. Fortunately, in the 24th century on _Voyager_ , the meal is "paid for" through services rendered.

Father has been Captain Janeway's mentor for many years, as she's mentioned to me on several occasions. He's also much older than she is; devoted to his spouse T'Pel; and Vulcan. No danger to her virtue exists from his quarter. Actually, since a relationship is forbidden with anyone who is under the captain's direct chain of command - and that's everyone on this ship - no one qualifies as a potential romantic partner (other than Dad, possibly, and I don't see them as a very good match). The only other choices available would be an alien during a Shore Leave, a fully functional hologram, or a visitor. Like Kashyk.

Captain Janeway _could_ succumb to the oh-so-sure-of-himself charms of Mr. Kashyk, I suppose. But I hope she doesn't.

I would love to find out Kashyk's defection was real; that he loathed what he was doing and asked for asylum because he truly meant what he said about needing to escape the paranoia of the Devore Imperium.

I wish I believed him. I don't.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52404**

Kashyk usually pays little attention to his guards. Today, however, he looked me full in the face and told me I looked a lot like my father. "How much like him are you?" he asked.

I replied, "Which one?"

That set him back on his heels, but he recovered quickly. "You're playing me. The Vulcan, of course. You're telepathic. That's why he's assigned you to guard me so often."

I told him Commander Tuvok assigned me to this duty because he trusts me to handle it competently. "And, by the way, I'm not a bit telepathic." I explained I'd tried to develop that ability for years, through diligent practice, but without success. All attempts have now ceased. "I'm too much like my Dad Neelix."

That startled him a little, too, but then he asked, "How . . . "

I told him it was a long story which I could relate to him if he wished, but I assumed he'd already read about it in our logs. He shook his head. Apparently, he hadn't read that part. He answered, "Some other time." I have a feeling he won't bother to ask me about it again.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52407**

We're out of Devore Imperium territory. Kashyk is no longer with us. As I anticipated, his defection was just like his charming façade. A lie.

When we approached the location where the wormhole was expected to appear, he told the captain he needed to return to his people temporarily, "to guarantee the safety of the crew and the Brenari refugees." The captain accompanied him to his shuttle and dismissed me so they could say goodbye. Once he was gone, she walked past me in the corridor. Her mussed hair and smeared lip coloring told me how they spent their last minute in the shuttle bay.

Kashyk came back with his inspection team, including his noxious underling Prax, and revealed his "defection" was just an act. He ordered Prax to go to Cargo Bay One to apprehend the Brenari in transporter suspension, while Kashyk went to the bridge with his own team, dragging the captain along with them. He ordered a photon torpedo fired at the projected location of the wormhole. According to the scientist with whom they'd consulted a few days ago, this would open the wormhole very briefly. Shooting a second torpedo at it immediately would completely destroy it. That was Kashyk's intention.

The first torpedo was fired, but nothing happened. No wormhole appeared. The "neutrino emission readings" were from antimatter residue signatures we'd planted there, after Kashyk left our ship. When Kashyk contacted Prax, he learned his subordinate hadn't found any Brenari refugees in transporter suspension, either. "Just cargo containers . . . filled with vegetables."

Kashyk's inspection team reported that two of our Class-2 shuttles were missing. He ordered scans and finally located them at quite a distance, hidden by the refractive shielding Kashyk had helpfully provided to Captain Janeway. A torpedo flared on its way, lighting up the opening of a wormhole as it expanded briefly into a brilliant flower of energy. Two Class-2 shuttles disappeared inside it, just before the wormhole closed up without a trace.

It could still have ended badly for us, of course. Prax told Kaskyk they should impound _Voyager_ and send our crew to a relocation center, the prescribed punishment for harboring telepaths and deviating from an approved flight plan under Devore Imperium law. Kashyk squashed that idea quickly. Kashyk had lusted after the glory that would be his if he destroyed this troublesome wormhole that telepaths have been using to escape from the Imperium. His failure to do so would reflect very poorly upon him. It would do no favors for his career - or Prax's. He advised Prax, "This incident never occurred. And make sure _everyone_ shares that understanding."

Father, Vorik, and Jurot could not be taken into custody, or the specifics of the incident _would_ become known. Kashyk ordered us to leave Imperium space immediately. We were only too glad to follow that order. The elaborate chess game of wits was over.

Just before he left the bridge, I heard Kashyk say to Captain Janeway, "Well played."

She replied, "I never lied to you." Her offer of asylum had been genuine - if that's what he'd really wanted. But, of course, it wasn't.

=/\=


	41. Out of Time

=/\=

 **Stardate 52439**

Father Tuvok went with Tom and the Doctor on an away mission two days ago. Their shuttle disappeared from our sensors very shortly after they left. Not long after their departure, _Voyager_ became stuck momentarily in a gravimetric shear, and we realized our shuttle must have been sucked into the same phenomenon. When we analyzed this "subspace sinkhole" more closely, we realized a temporal differential of 0.4744 seconds per minute existed. While our shuttle had been missing for mere hours, from the point of view of everyone on _Voyager_ at that point, from the perspective of our missing crew, months had already passed without any sign of a rescue.

Sending a multi-spatial probe into the vortex might allow us to communicate with the away team. When we did so, we detected their distress beacon, a great relief, if still a little unnerving. Our away team (or at least one of them) had survived. We needed to move quickly to devise a rescue, however. The telemetry from the probe indicated gravitational stresses in the rift were increasing. The entire system inside the sinkhole would be crushed very shortly as it collapsed. To complicate matters further, a Supervisor Yost contacted _Voyager_. He reported his people had lost eleven ships to this sinkhole, and they had no intentions of losing any more. They were planned to fire on the rift to seal it permanently and strongly suggested we leave the area. Captain Janeway informed him we'd lost an away team of our own and pleaded with him to delay his undertaking long enough for us to mount a rescue. He was quite dismissive of the captain, claiming no one had ever escaped from this anomaly, He finally, but reluctantly, agreed to a delay of one day.

Either his idea of a single day differs radically from ours or he was too impatient to honor our agreement. He began to fire on the rift only a few hours after speaking with us. Using the multi-spatial probe as a relay, we sent a message to our away team, providing them with a timetable and the parameters they would need to observe to be rescued.

Fortunately, we were successful. Father and Tom were able to convert the message to their time frame, and when we were ready to beam them through the rapidly-closing rift, they were where they had to be. I'd convinced the captain to permit me to be in the transporter room to greet Father during the rescue attempt. I was very surprised to see four figures materialize on the transporter pad instead of three. The young woman Noss had been stranded on the planet for "fourteen seasons." We calculated that to be about 44 of our days, since her years correspond quite closely to ours. We're on our way to her planet now, to return her home to her people.

Father seems older somehow, or perhaps the stresses of surviving on a planet where water was sparse and they had little more than spiders to eat accounts for this sense of . . . unease. This is hardly unexpected. They perceived they were stranded for months and thought _Voyager_ had considered them lost and left without them. Tom admitted he'd given up hope of ever seeing B'Elanna again. I think he was a little disappointed that while she was glad to see Tom back on _Voyager_ , she wasn't as overwhelmed emotionally as he was at their reunion. He said he's had to remind himself that as far as B'Elanna is concerned, he was only gone for two days. That's nothing, compared to the length of time he was missing when he was buried in the _Delta Flyer_ with Father and Samantha Wildman. It's a good thing they didn't take the _Flyer_ on this trip. Tom said our last Type-6 shuttle was a total loss when it crashed, and the wreckage must have been crushed into atoms by now, along with the aliens still on the planet. Father believes they were Supervisor Yost's missing people. Yost's barrage obliterated the vortex. he was successful in removing a serious navigational hazard, but I'm sure the captain would have helped him rescue some of his people who were stranded, if he'd been willing to try.

The presence of this young woman Noss concerns me somewhat. Father, from his perspective, was lost on the planet with her for a long time. Did he form an attachment with her? From the way she looks at Father, I suspect she's fallen in love with him.

Since Father is deeply devoted to T'Pel, I wouldn't expect him to reciprocate; but I'd prefer not examine his memories of his spouse on Vulcan too closely. I've suppressed Father's memories of T'Pel to the best of my ability, just as I've done with Dad's memories of Kes. Since more inherited memories seem to have slipped away from me, that's a little easier to do now, and losing these would be a relief. The intimacies of life partners should be known only to them. While I had no choice in the acquisition of these images, they're there, in my mind. I'm afraid meditation will only reinforce them, the last thing I want. While Father might know of ways to "lose" unwanted memories, I'd prefer not to discuss the subject with him, for obvious reasons.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52441**

Noss is home. Her family was very glad to hear she was safe. While she hasn't been out of touch for more than a couple of their months, they _were_ worried about her. Her ship was due back twenty of their days ago, and her ship's captain was always good about sending word if they'd encountered problems that might cause a delay. His silence was ominous. I never knew Noss had had shipmates before. The other five were killed when the freighter crashed. She was the sole survivor. If Father, Tom, or the Doctor knew about them, they never said anything to me.

We entered orbit around her planet this afternoon. I was planning to accompany Father when he bid her farewell, but Dad advised me not to. I saw Tom later, and I asked him if she'd become emotional when they said goodbye. He told me he gave Noss a big hug and wished her well, but he never said a word about Father. I spoke to Mulcahey, who was manning the transporter room station at the time. He said he had no idea what had transpired because Tom told him to leave, to allow Father and Noss privacy as they parted. Father was the one who operated the transporter, sending Noss down to her home planet's surface.

I thought about asking Tom why he sent Mulcahey away. I've decided I don't want to know.

=/\=


	42. Queen Arachnia & the Fortress of Doom

=/\=

 **Stardate 52463**

Harry was very upset after it was all over. "Tom says he wants to end the program! And I've never had the chance to be Captain Proton even once! He promised I could have a turn!"

When I told him to relax, that Tom had simply overreacted because of all the trouble Doctor Chaotica had caused, Harry calmed down. I was quite certain that once he'd had an opportunity to put everything in perspective, Tom would return to the program. And even if he really doesn't want to go back, as long as Tom doesn't delete it, Harry and any other members of the crew will still be able to visit. "And then you can have your turn playing 'Captain Proton, Spaceman First Class, Protector of Earth, Scourge of Intergalactic Evil' yourself. Doubtless the Delaney sisters will want to portray Demonica and Malicia again." I deliberately lowered my voice register to mimic the sonorous tones of the serial's announcer. While I've never actually played a character in the program, I did preview the first few chapters to see if I could find someone I could portray. Unfortunately, the announcer seems to be the best fit for me so far.

While there were humorous aspects to the incident, _Voyager's_ situation had been quite dangerous. We were "stuck" in one place. We've escaped some that were more serious, but if we hadn't been able to break free of whatever force had locked us down, unable to move a millimeter in any direction, our real-life drama could have ended very badly. The journey back to the Alpha Quadrant would have ended here, with our power dwindling until the ship, and everyone in it, expired.

The problem first manifested itself when Tom and Harry were off duty, enjoying Chapter 18, "Bride of Chaotica!" in Holodeck One. As they were walking towards Dr. Chaotica's Fortress of Doom, the deck beneath their feet rumbled, as if from an earthquake, which Tom and Harry knew wasn't in the script for this chapter. They looked up and were startled to see a colorful vortex shining in Planet X's sky. Normally, everything in Captain Proton is in pristine black and white, just like the 1930's science fiction cinema serials which served as the model for Tom's program. The vortex itself was uncomfortably reminiscent of the one that pulled Tom, the Doctor, and Father into a subspace sinkhole not so very long ago.

When they ordered the computer to shut down the scenario, the computer voice informed them the controls were off line. An attempt to close down the scenario using the manual overrides also failed. By this time, three colorful vortices whirled over Planet X. Tom and Harry were too busy trying to escape from the holodeck to pay them the attention we later discovered they'd merited. Since the communications system also proved to be unavailable, they couldn't inform the captain of their dilemma. A request for a site-to-site transport from the holodeck to the corridor outside, however, was finally successful. Tom and Harry immediately reported to the bridge to tell the captain about the problems they'd been having.

By this time, our forward momentum had ceased. The "earthquake" Captain Proton and his sidekick Buster Kincaid had felt was _Voyager_ getting stuck. Tom likened it to being caught on a sandbar (a maritime reference, I learned later). We'd hit a layer of subspace which had disrupted our warp field, but when the captain ordered us to move off under impulse power, the ship still didn't budge. Since, as Tom commented sarcastically, getting out and pushing the ship wasn't an option, we had to search for another means of escape.

For three days, B'Elanna and the captain explored every avenue they could think of, or even any wild idea anyone suggested (short of getting out and pushing) to get _Voyager_ moving again. On the third day, Harry detected weapons fire on Holodeck One, which was creating power surges throughout the ship. Captain Janeway sent Father and Tom to investigate.

When Tom and Father arrived in the scenario, they discovered the Constance Goodheart character lying on the ground - dead. Since Captain Proton's lovely secretary, according to the parameters of the program, was to survive anything that happened to her, they knew something was very wrong. Doctor Chaotica's Satan's Robot was also prone on the holodeck floor. Tom was able to repair the mechanical being, however, and Satan's Robot informed them that invaders from the 5th Dimension had started a war with Chaotica. The glowing vortices Tom and Harry had put off investigating until after the crisis was resolved were, in fact, the portals through which the invaders were entering the scenario.

Father and Tom encountered one of the invaders. He was dressed like a character in a 1930's movie from another genre: the gangster saga. He turned out to be a photonic being from another universe. As far as the alien was concerned, Chaotica and the other holodeck characters were real, since they were like his people. Since his instrument, the equivalent of our tricorders, couldn't "read" biochemical life forms, the alien thought Father and Tom were simulations. They couldn't convince him we meant his people no harm.

There was one member of our crew the aliens would recognize as "real." The Doctor, a photonic being himself, was enlisted to portray the "President of Earth," to negotiate a treaty with the photonic aliens. He was quite pleased to be asked to participate and took an active part in designing the "costume" B'Elanna provided him, through a few alterations to his program. In order for the treaty to succeed, however, Tom had to figure out a way to stop Doctor Chaotica's attacks on the aliens. Fortunately, courtesy of one of the chapters of Captain Proton's adventures, Tom knew exactly how that could be accomplished.

Captain Janeway wasn't exactly thrilled to be drafted into the program as Arachnia, Queen of the Spider People - at first. Once she saw the costume she was to wear, slinky and glittering from the bejeweled spiders scattered around the fan-shaped collar and hairpiece, and after Tom told her she could "ham it up" to her heart's content, she became noticeably more enthusiastic.

Sashaying into Doctor Chaotica's infamous Fortress of Doom, and utilizing her powerful pheromones to distract Lonzak, Chaotica's right-hand henchman, "Queen Arachnia" snatched a photonic ray-gun from the henchman and foiled her dastardly prospective bridegroom's plans for domination of the universe. Once the Queen forced Chaotica to lower his lightning shield, Captain Proton destroyed the evil doctor's Death Ray, which was killing the photonic aliens. Per the alien's agreement with the "President of Earth," the photonic beings withdrew to their own realm and closed the portals, realigning _Voyager_ with normal space. Although a little battered by the power surges, our ship could finally move again.\

In describing this incident, I find myself resorting to the same sort of purple prose which graces "The Adventures of Captain Proton." I don't mean to trivialize what happened. Lives were lost because of our fictional holodeck characters' actions. Once a program like this is set in motion, the unexpected, the unprogrammed, can take place whenever the randomizing elements of the scenarios come into play - in this case, with tragic consequences. Tom could not foresee, when he entered the outlines of each chapter, what might come to pass. Holodeck programming doesn't require the writing of every single line of dialog for the characters, as in a play. There's always room for improvisation. This Captain Proton program can be a bit hypnotic, too. It draws its players into its world. Since it's so far from reality as we know it, taking it all with a "grain of salt," as the saying goes, helps the players distance themselves from the attractive, and often addictive, fantasy elements of the story.

Tom's declaration that it was time to "end" coming to the program arose from his recognition that individual lives had been lost. Unlike his Constance Goodheart character, who reappeared "alive" and well when Tom activated Chapter 19 last night, their consciousness was lost forever.

Yesterday, after most of the damage to the ship had been cleaned up, Tom went to Captain Janeway to speak with her about how badly he felt about what had occurred. This morning, Captain Janeway requested a minute of silence throughout _Voyager_ , to honor the 53 photonic beings who had been killed by Doctor Chaotica. "We never meant for them to come to harm," she said. "Unlike a holonovel character, who can be resurrected through the efforts of anyone with sufficient programming skills, these sentient photonic beings won't ever come back to life. We never had the opportunity to explore how these individuals live in their universe, or how they express their unique personalities there. In a sense, they did come from something like a 'Fifth Dimension.' We mourn their passing as we would any beings who are senselessly killed, especially since it came about through a tragic misunderstanding."

When the minute of silence was over, the Doctor thanked the captain, quite sincerely, for her thoughtfulness. In the giddiness we all felt once our ship began to move again, freed from its subspace imprisonment, I think almost all of us lost sight, temporarily, that these beings had lost their lives. Tom had not.

 **Supplemental**

After "sleeping on it" last night, Tom decided this wasn't going to be the end of Captain Proton after all. After the captain made her speech, he decided he wasn't going to give it up, but he does plan to cut back on how frequently he plays the role. When Tom, the Doctor, and Harry told us about the captain's "brilliant performance" in the scenario, I finally said something about wanting to join in the fun at some point. The Doctor decided, most magnanimously, that I could play either the vice president of Earth or the president's chief of staff. I was quite cool to both proposals. Tom noticed. "You can always take on the role of Lonzak," he said. "You'll just have to remember to overact mercilessly." I told him I might try that, as long as B'Elanna will portray the wonderful Queen Arachnia when I do.

"Oh, no. Now that the captain's played her, she owns that role," B'Elanna demurred. Tom said he'd try to come up with another role for her. He breathed into B'Elanna's ear, "She has to be a bad girl Proton turns away from the ways of evil." The way she was purr/growling back at Tom, I have a feeling writing that chapter's outline will be very entertaining. I wonder if I should warn the residents of the quarters on Deck 9, Sections 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14? Perhaps not. They'll hear soon enough.

Since Harry will be free to embody Spaceman First Class Captain Proton, "Scourge of Intergalactic Evil" every now and then, I think I'll ask him to let me play Buster Kincaid when he does. I wouldn't mind being manacled to the wall if the Delaney sisters play Malicia and Demonica when I am. That would amuse me much more than being the vice president of Earth, or the president's chief of staff. I have no desire to be anyone's lackey, particularly the Doctor's!

=/\=

Author's Note: I should acknowledge Jim Wright's review of this episode. He mentioned the fate of the 53 photonic aliens, which helped me formulate how this chapter was presented. Thanks, Jim!


	43. Recovery

=/\=

 **Stardate 52480**

When he performed a whole-body deep-scan of Harry with his holo-imager, part of Mr. Kim's annual checkup, The Doctor noticed scarring in his cranium which was consistent with an operation the EMH himself must have performed, since he'd developed the technique. The Doctor didn't recall the operation, and Harry claimed he's never had any neurosurgery. Harry admitted to me afterwards that he was a little fidgety when he told this fib to the EMH. I know why, of course. We're not supposed to talk about her around him.

The EMH, concerned that something was wrong with his program, went to Seven for assistance in running a self-diagnostic. When Seven came back to the Doctor to tell him his suspicions were correct, that his program has been tampered with, the Doctor didn't recall asking her for help. They decided to check into the medical imaging files for the previous day's annual physicals. Harry's image had been deleted, along with many other files, from the EMH's short-term memory buffer. They consulted the EMH's archives. Since files usually leave a "shadow" behind after they're deleted, Seven was able to reconstruct several of them from residual data bits. One was an image from a surprise birthday party for a female ensign neither the Doctor nor Seven could remember. Another was taken in the cockpit of a shuttle. The Doctor, the unknown ensign, and Harry were posing for a group shot, suggestive of an away team mission.

Seven uncovered other files in the database, all from Stardate 50979, which had been rewritten to deny the EMH access. Since Seven could access them, she shared them with him. One image, taken in the shuttle, showed the EMH interfering with the two ensigns' work. Another was of an alien craft flying over the shuttle. From an angle consistent with the holo-imager lying on the floor, they saw images of a mysterious alien inside the shuttle, wielding an evil-looking weapon; of both ensigns lying on the deck, covered with burns; of the unknown ensign lying in a pool of her own blood; and then one more. The unknown ensign was lying in Sickbay on a biobed. Dead.

Disturbed by what Seven and the Doctor both considered evidence of a possible intrusion by invisible aliens, which the Srivani medical researchers had been able to do the previous year, they went to the captain. The Doctor speculated that the unknown ensign was actually a spy, and the invaders had tampered with the files to remove all evidence of her presence. The captain and Father said they would implement stringent security measures, but the EMH was instructed to deactivate himself, to protect his program from further harm.

The Doctor returned to Sickbay to take himself off-line, but first, he took several precautions. He ordered the computer to duplicate all the memory files recorded in his program during the last 48 hours and store them in his mobile emitter. If his program should be altered without his express authorization while he was offline, the computer was to reactivate him and restore the duplicate memory files. His final act was to place his holoimager on a piece of equipment, set to record images, at five second intervals, of anyone entering Sickbay. The holoimager diligently followed the EMH's orders.

Once he was reactivated, the EMH learned who must be responsible for the deletions to his program: the holoimager captured a clear view of Captain Kathryn Janeway as she reached for his camera.

Incensed, the EMH confronted the captain with the evidence. He accused her of conspiring against him. The captain freely admitted she'd tampered with his program, but she claimed she'd only done it for his own good. She planned to delete the EMH's memories regarding this "conspiracy" on the following day as well. She said she was doing him a favor.

Late last evening, Seven went to the captain and challenged her decision to rewrite the Doctor's program. The captain argued that the Doctor, a computer program, is like a replicator that can be programmed to produce whatever a person desires. Seven countered that the Doctor would doubtless disagree. Since Seven, a former Borg, is also partly mechanical, would the captain treat her the same way? Seven's parting shot had to have hit home. Perhaps the captain, Seven's chosen mentor for becoming human, might not have been her best choice of guide.

How do I know all this? Seven told me. She's upset (or as upset as I've ever seen her) about this situation. She said that the captain has "feet of clay," which is a shock to Seven, since she's looked up to Captain Janeway ever since she adjusted to the breaking of her link with the Collective. I must say, this situation bothers me as well. I know why the captain acted as she did, but I do hope she changes her mind about scrubbing the Doctor's memories again. While I don't want to see him tortured by indecision the way he was eighteen months ago, we were forced into silence about Ahni; and this method we used to "cure" the Doctor was never sound. The truth was always bound to come out eventually. Judgment Day is now here.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52482**

Yesterday, after Seven chastised her for treating the Doctor like a piece of machinery, the captain put the procedure on hold and agreed to reveal the facts about Ahni to him - if he wished. She warned him that she'd denied him access to these memories only after they'd impaired his program so severely, she'd believed they were likely to lose the EMH program unless she took drastic action to prevent it. Despite her warnings, the EMH chose to have the memories restored. Once they were shown to him from the stored backups, the Doctor's feedback loop started up again. He repeatedly questioned his decision making skills.

This time, Captain Janeway has decided to treat the Doctor without removing his memories. He's receiving a very traditional form of treatment: psychotherapy, as practiced by the followers of Dr. Sigmund Freud. Someone is staying with him at all times on the holodeck, listening to him as he argues with himself whether it was right for him to save one person's life when he couldn't save both, and how could he make the decision who would live and who would die? I hope this works. It's the best chance we have to help him recover, but it is risky.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52497**

Although our Doctor has a long way to go before he's declared "cured," he _is_ making progress. The captain just issued a popular command. All the references to Ensign Ahni Jetal which had been deleted or modified to disguise her identity have been restored to our database and the official logs, from the backups created by Father before the changes were made. We'll be able to utter Ahni's name again without having to look over our shoulders to see if anyone else can hear us. Barring some sort of disaster, Ahni's avatar - or possibly avatars - are still alive on Demon. Some of the blood sample marked ^Victoria Stadi was sent into the Silver Blood to be reproduced, along with one from the real Lieutenant Stadi.

We have no way to resurrect Ahni's human body, but we'll be able to reminisce about her with our crew mates again. A sweet person who died tragically can now live on in the _Voyager_ family's collective memories, at least - as she so richly deserves.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52518**

I made an unscheduled visit to Sickbay today. It was embarrassing, really. When I slipped on a berlama fruit peel in the kitchen and lost my balance, I sliced my hand open on the knife I was using to prepare my afternoon snack. Dad insisted I go to the Doctor. "You need him to scan your hand to make sure there isn't any ligament or tendon damage," he told me. So I went.

The Doctor confirmed that my injury was minor. All that was required was for the cut to be sealed with his dermal regenerator. After he'd completed that task, however, the Doctor insisted on completing a deep scan of my entire body. I reminded him I had one during my annual physical, a little over a month ago. "I realize that, Lieutenant, but because of my recent . . . issues, I want to make sure I haven't missed anything."

For a moment, I became concerned that his feedback loop might be operating again, but after he'd taken the new image, he called up the one from a month ago and gradually "reconstructed me" holographically - times two, which allowed him to compare the images and make note of any deviations. Once both images were standing there, dressed in identical Starfleet uniforms and smiling at us, I felt a pang of nostalgia. It was as if Neevok and I were together again.

Seeing both of us there must have reminded the Doctor of my brother, too. "Do you miss Neevok?" he asked gently.

I sighed. "I do. From the beginning, we knew we couldn't both continue to live. The duplication had a specific purpose: to bring back Father and Dad. Those few hours we visited with each other in Father's quarters together, though - comparing our experiences - I cherish that memory. Since we'd been the same person up until the duplication process succeeded, the only memories we didn't share were his, from when he was traveling with Tom and B'Elanna in the shuttle, returning to _Voyager_ , and mine, when I materialized in the transporter room and walked to meet him in the shuttle bay. And of course, after we said good-bye in the transporter room, when he stayed and I came here, with Commander Chakotay . . ." I found my throat constrict slightly on the commander's name. It was a peculiar sensation. Perhaps I'd simply swallowed wrong.

"Ah. That must have been difficult. Memories can be fragile things, can't they?" He sighed then, a programmed action, but very appropriate under the circumstances. "I always thought mine were indestructible, but I know now it's possible for them to be removed without my consent. I'm gratified the captain finally returned my memories of Ensign Jetal, and all that happened, even though I had a very hard time dealing with them . . . I suppose you've heard?" I nodded silently. "Yes, of course you have. Everyone knows I did. I learned a valuable lesson during my recovery, Lieutenant Tuvix. I'm just as fallible as everyone else. Perhaps my brief role as 'President of Earth' set me up for a fall. Just between you and me, I'm sure my ego will recover completely. And I'm a duplicate myself, you know. My creator, Dr. Lewis Zimmerman, used himself as the model for the 'perfect' doctor. He has a prodigious ego of his own, from what I've heard."

"How interesting, Doctor. I didn't realize that. And, of course, the Delaney sisters are identical twins. They're also duplicates of each other, in a sense."

"Not necessarily. You know of the 'nature versus nurture' debate about identical twins, I'm sure, but as people age, other changes occur. By the time identical twins are adults, they are _virtually_ the same genetically, but the mutations each has experienced at the cellular level mean they are no longer _exactly_ the same anymore, either. Thanks to my Delta Quadrant experiences, I'm no longer the same hologram Dr. Zimmerman created, so I'm not a perfect facsimile. You're not an exact replica of the person you were when you were separated into Neevok and Tuvix, either."

The Doctor turned to the two images. "When you were created through the transporter, you contained all the cells of both your parents and that symbiogenic orchid. Your body mass was 26.3% greater than Commander Tuvok's, because of those extra cells. I have a precise count of the number your body contained as of my first scan, when the captain was trying to decide exactly who and what you were. They were half normal size, however, or you would have been at least 76% heavier than your Father. I've kept a record of the number of your cells at every other physical I've done of you. Are you aware that the number of cells in your body has been steadily decreasing? As they die and are replaced - a completely natural process, by the way - your body seems to be consolidating them. All the genetic material from both of the smaller cells is present when that happens, but in one slightly larger cell. The reduction in numbers may be healthier for you, since it will make it easier for your body systems to support them all."

"Is that why I feel lighter?" I said in jest. He answered me quite seriously, however.

"Perhaps. That's why I want to keep careful records of the process, to make sure no physical problems develop as a result of this consolidation."

"Did you notice a difference in the scans you took a month ago from the one you did today?"

"Of course. A month ago you didn't have any scar tissue in your left hand! But to answer the question you're really asking me, yes. You have 13,174 fewer cells in your body this time than during that last scan. A trifling difference, given the trillions of cells in your body, but yes, you've lost a few, even in that short amount of time."

"Memory engrams, too, I suppose?"

The Doctor looked at me with concern. "That could happen. Are you having trouble with your memory, Lieutenant Tuvix?"

"I've been aware that my memories have been 'consolidating' for quite some time, Doctor, even before the crew was exiled on Hanon IV. I spoke to Father about this, and to Mr. Ayala, too, once I noticed it. They both told me memories can be lost if they're not reinforced. I've learned several techniques to help me retain the important ones. Actually, I'm relieved that some are leaving me. My parents shared a few which are, quite frankly, of a more intimate nature than I would wish to revisit as myself - if you know what I mean."

His smile became quite smug, reminding me of the conversation Kes and I had, when she told me that the EMH's fascination with sex could be a little _too_ intense at times. I couldn't help smiling in response. The Doctor nodded sagely. "I catch your meaning. And truthfully, an eidetic memory is a very rare gift. Your Father and Mr. Ayala are correct. Everyone loses memories over time, making room for new ones to be retained."

"That's a good reason to maintain a personal log, or, in your case, an archive of memories which don't fit into your matrix. You can consult them when you need to, instead of having them cluttering up your memory files and causing problems."

"You know about . . . of course. You were already on _Voyager_ at the time of that incident."

"Don't worry, Doctor. I won't say anything about it to anyone else. They all know anyway. Except for Naomi. And, possibly, Seven."

"Seven probably does know," he replied glumly. "At any rate, let's not speak any more on the subject, Lieutenant. I think we're done here. Try to avoid slicing up your fingers the next time you're in Mr. Neelix's kitchen. I would hate to see you emulating Mr. Paris, with his marked tendency to land in Sickbay thanks to his indulgence in risky behavior."

"It's a good thing he's a field medic then, Doctor. He can help himself when you're not around."

The Doctor chuckled as he released me from Sickbay. I was chuckling, too. His memories of Ahni Jetal now seem to be much like those all of us on _Voyager_ share of her. They're sad, but not actually dangerous to his mental health. He's doing well. That's a great relief to me, and to our entire crew. We need a healthy EMH on _Voyager_.

=/\=


	44. Wake-Up Call

=/\=

 **Stardate 52546**

I feel like I just woke up from a dream. We all did.

Even Dad and Father were fooled by the "wormhole" that promised to provide a quick and easy ride home to Earth - even though Dad's home is right here in the Delta Quadrant. I must admit, he's now as invested in _Voyager's_ return to the Alpha Quadrant as everyone else on the ship. Well, almost everyone. And the ones who don't care about going back saved us from ourselves.

Tom and Seven were in the _Delta Flyer_ , accompanied by a "crewman" on her first mission. They were scouting the region for a source of deuterium. Since they were only going to be gone for a couple of days, Samantha Wildman swallowed her misgivings and gave Naomi permission to go. Needless to say, our future "Captain's Bridge Assistant" was thrilled to add a little experience to her resume (not that she would phrase it that way, of course - she's only three). During the return trip, Ensign Paris gave her "piloting lessons." He hovered over her while, for a very short time, she handled the controls, but it qualifies as Naomi's first "official" turn at the helm.

(Sigh) I think I'm relating so much of what Naomi told me about her away mission because I'm reluctant to go into the way everyone on the ship acted while the away team was gone. We all fell for the telepathic illusions of a giant space-faring pitcher plant. Now that I'm looking at those words on my terminal screen, I'm even more embarrassed. I have lots of company, of course. The captain, Commander Chakotay, Father, Dad, Tom, B'Elanna, Harry . . . everyone, with the exception of Naomi, Seven, and the Doctor.

Since the EMH is a program, he's not subject to hallucinations the way humanoids are. We shut down his program during much of this adventure, so he didn't know what was happening until Seven called up his program to ask him why the captain was flying the ship into a trap. Seven's investigations indicated the "wormhole" was a biological organism. The captain's own logs contained references to her skepticism about whether or not this "wormhole" was real, right after it was discovered. Two days later, Captain Janeway was as enthused as everyone else about the prospect of an early return home.

Naomi and Seven were protected from the hallucinations by a different factor: they _aren't_ enthralled by the prospect of a return to the Alpha Quadrant. _Voyager_ is the only home Naomi has ever known. While she'd like to meet her father, she knows that when we do get to Earth, she'll lose the family she's grown up with up until now: her _Voyager_ family. Seven is apprehensive about the way a Borg - even a human who has been disconnected from the Collective - will be received by the people of Earth, not to mention Starfleet Command. Thus, the mental blandishments which worked so well on the rest of the crew were repellent to Seven and Naomi. Getting "home" to Earth is the last thing either of them want.

As we approached what we _thought_ was a wormhole, our entire crew received messages from "home." The captain's fiancé Mark had sent her a message through the Hirogen communication array which informed her he'd married someone else. Now she received one saying he'd broken his engagement with his new fiancée. The captain never noticed the discrepancy between a broken engagement and "I'm married." B'Elanna learned her friends in the Maquis weren't all dead. Harry received word from Starfleet that his promotion to full lieutenant had come through, even though he's yet to serve as a junior grade lieutenant. Tom was offered a post as a test pilot in Australia. Commander Chakotay's letter from Starfleet confirmed he'd received a full pardon offered him a professorship in anthropology at Starfleet Academy. As for my own family, Father said he saw T'Pel walking towards him in a corridor. I received a message informing me that she planned to adopt me, so that I would be her son, too. Since Dad had been appointed ambassador to the Lan'Tuana sector, my entire family would be together in the Alpha Quadrant. As the saying goes, "If it seems to be too good to be true, it's probably not." This creature had us completely fooled.

Seven's investigations revealed a small ship was caught inside the purported wormhole. She managed to contact the alien inside the ship, Qatai, who confirmed he was stuck inside a creature which had ingested the colony ship on which his family and 3,000 others were traveling, in search of a new home. The creature lured them in by planting in everyone's mind the image of a beautiful, fertile planet. Qatai, the only survivor, had been on a scouting mission in his small ship and returned too late to warn them of their danger. He's been following the creature for over 40 years now, a 24th century Captain Ahab, hunting the equivalent of a white whale in space.

Despite the efforts of Seven, Naomi, and the Doctor, _Voyager_ flew inside the creature. All of us who'd been enthralled by the creature fell unconscious. Frightened by her mother Samantha's very strange behavior, Naomi hid in Seven's cargo bay, where Seven discovered her. From then on, they worked together to reactivate the Doctor's program and devise a plan to escape annihilation. The Doctor suggested they induce a bad case of indigestion into the ship-digesting alien pitcher plant's gullet. Qatai fired his tetryon-based weapons at a pocket of antimatter Seven had expelled from _Voyager's_ warp core. To relieve the pain from the electrolytic reaction produced in its belly, the creature belched out both ships. We managed to fly far enough away from the creature before the crew began to awaken that it could no longer cloud everyone's perceptions.

Once returned to the scientific-minded Captain Janeway we've always known, she had us set a beacon a safe distance from the creature, warning others of the danger it presents to the unwary. The "letters" and "messages" from home were all forged by Dad. He had no idea he was doing it, and the letters themselves were gibberish. Everyone "read" what they wanted to see. The captain couldn't say much to him. She was one of the people who entered misinformation into the computer database. So was Father! Seven has been kept quite busy, marking all of the fabricated entries so that they can be moved to a special file. I understand Tom suggested she give it the title, "Blissful Thinking." I don't think she thought it appropriate, although I do.

Everyone I speak with feels a little foolish about what happened, but the experience has also caused us to reconsider our most cherished aspirations. We all imagined we would receive the thing we most desire. For me, it raised the question of how T'Pel will accept me. I've worked hard on my mental disciplines, but my Talaxian heritage seems to be becoming more prominent as time goes by. If I'm surrounded by Vulcans constantly, not by humans and other volatile species, I may be able to tame my Talaxian side a little better. Or maybe not.

From the memories Father bequeathed me of T'Pel, I know she's a lovely woman. She could never have anticipated having a stepson who is an adult, and one that is half-Talaxian. No one in the Alpha Quadrant had ever heard of Talaxians before the Doctor's visit to the _Prometheus_. I'm sure she will do her best to make me part of their family. Whether I will be able to fit in with them is another question; one I can't answer right now.

=/\=


	45. Xenophobia

=/\=

 **Stardate 52572**

We've made First Contact with a species which calls themselves the Varro, who are something of an enigma. They've lived for generations on their ship, traveling through space. Or, it _was_ traveling in space up until a short time ago. When we encountered them, their vessel, which looks quite like a many-segmented snake, was hanging motionless after the failure of their warp drive. If an aggressive species such as the Hirogen or the Borg had discovered them, I shudder to think what might have happened. Captain Janeway extended a hand of friendship and offered them our expertise (primarily B'Elanna's) to repair their ship's drive.

Imagine our surprise when the leader of the ship, Jippeq, rejected our offer. The Varro are quite xenophobic. When our captain agreed to limit our crew's contacts with his people to professional interactions, however, he reluctantly agreed to accept our help. Generations ago, a small group of Varro left original home planet in a single ship. They added segments on to it as their population grew. They've developed a culture uniquely their own - and they want to keep it that way.

The only members of the crew permitted to interact with the Varro, other than our senior staff, belong to the engineering and operations divisions. Security is technically part of operations, and my primary duty has been maintaining the separation between our crew and the Varro's. B'Elanna quickly noticed their problems originated with their unwillingness to stop into a space station or surface-based facility for preventive maintenance. B'Elanna told them that a ship needs to be immobile for some repairs, but because of the Varro's xenophobia, this never happened. Quite frankly, that's a shame. The Varro with whom I've had the chance to speak, mostly those filling security posts equivalent to mine, have been very companionable and charming.

If I were not in Security, I would not have met Bren, who was my Varro counterpart. He's given me quite a bit of insight into the history of the Varro, but, he doesn't think all other races are that terrible. He questioned me in detail about the structures of the Federation and Starfleet. During the course of our discussions, he let slip that many among the Varro are disenchanted with the current regime (i.e. Jippeq, their leader). They're certainly not as universally content with The Way Things Are as Jippeq told Captain Janeway they are.

As part of my end-of-shift report to Father, I shared what Bren said to me. While he promised to mention it to the captain, Father suggested I should avoid further conversations with Bren or any other Varro. "It's a Prime Directive issue," he said. I agreed to keep my distance in the future, although it will not be very easy for me to do. My friendly Talaxian nature apparently interferes with my duties as a security officer. Or perhaps it is Father's Vulcan nature that makes him more rigid than most in Security, who, I must admit, do have a professional need to maintain a touch of paranoia. On the other hand, if there _is_ any discontent among the Varro, the captain certainly must know about it, since it may affect our _Voyager_ crew while our ships remain so closely connected with each other.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52585**

The Varro generational ship's warp drive has been repaired. Our ships are almost ready to part company. Unfortunately, Harry Kim has become emotionally involved with a young Varro woman, Derron Tal. I hope we can avoid a human/Varro version of _Romeo and Juliet_.

I discovered their liaison accidentally, while reviewing the communication system's logs for Father. One of the circuits failed during a test on their warp engine, and he wanted to know why. I expected to find either a malfunctioning gelpack or broken circuitry was the cause. I discovered the "malfunction" had been ordered from the helm station while my friend Tom was on duty. I was seriously confused, and then a little bit angry. Since Tom's Monean misadventure, he's been performing admirably, in hopes of regaining his lieutenancy. For him to play a prank on the captain and commander in this context is completely unexpected and unwarranted.

Since the problem had already been "fixed" by B'Elanna herself, I suspected collusion between her and Tom. I became involved after the fact because I reported the malfunction and repair but didn't go into detail about who or what had been responsible. I took my lunch break at the same time they reported they were going for theirs. When I met them in the Mess Hall and told them we needed privacy for what I wanted to say, Tom guessed his secret had been discovered. Very casually, he said it was a "nice day for a picnic in the _Delta Flyer_." Dad laughed and waved Tom and B'Elanna off, never suspecting when I left right after they did that I was going there, too. I wonder what he would have thought if he'd realized I was going to be there with them?

Once we were inside the _Flyer_ , Tom took full responsibility. "I did it to cover for Harry. I've already chewed him out about it, Tuvix." I started to ask him why Harry would need Tom to cover up something, and then I knew.

"He was with Tal, wasn't he?" I asked.

"Not only 'with Tal' - he wasn't at his duty station when the plasma transfer was being run." From the astonished look on B'Elanna's face, I knew she hadn't known that, either.

"Tom, I would never have signed off on that 'repair' for you if I'd known that."

"I'm really sorry, B'Elanna. But this is Harry who's in trouble. He's already an ensign. If he's busted a rank, he'd end up a crewman - and a crewman can't be the head of Operations. This was probably the last time he could be with Tal. He promised me he won't do this again."

B'Elanna and I said it together: "He'd better not!"

=/\=

 **Stardate 52588**

Father, Dad, and I found him hiding in a Jeffries tube when we were about ready to part company with the Varro. Dad had noticed food was disappearing from his kitchen. That normally wouldn't be significant, but he also saw life support had been directed to Jeffries tube G-33, on Deck 15, which normally has none unless an engineer is temporarily assigned there - and the diversion had been encrypted, trying to keep it a secret. My parents came to the obvious conclusion that we had a stowaway. When we opened a panel, we found him. It was Bren.

Once discovered, Bren requested asylum on _Voyager_. He gave Father and the captain more detailed information about the true situation on the generational ship. He'd hinted of discontent when I spoke with him a few days ago. Now, Bren admitted a significant number of Varro are more than simply dissatisfied with the leaders' refusal to settle down somewhere. They feel they're being held as prisoners on their own ship. While many of the Varro are as xenophobic as Jippeq and the other leaders, a significant minority have no problem with interacting with other species. Even those who were prevented from interacting with us have been impressed by our willingness to help strangers. Their cultural leaders have told them this "never happens." Bren knows of one group of dissidents that plans to sabotage the Varro ship. If they succeed in breaking the ship apart, the people who wish to remain with the leaders will be able to do so by flying together in a convoy. The ones like Bren who are tired of traveling and want to settle down on a planet could not be easily stopped from leaving after the ship is in pieces.

 **Supplemental**

When Seven was working with Harry today, she noticed a glow coming from underneath his skin and insisted he consult with the Doctor. His romance with Tal has been exposed, since the glow comes from a condition the Varro call _olan'vora,_ or "shared heart." Their attachment is not just emotional; it's also physical. When parted, such couples suffer chronic sleep loss, gastroenteritis, elevated beta endorphin levels, and unusual synaptic activity in the cerebral cortex - sometimes for months. When the EMH learned Harry "caught" this from Tal through intimate relations, the Doctor was scandalized. Before initiating an intimate relationship with a member of any alien species, the commanding officer and chief medical officer both have to authorize it. Harry is in violation of these protocols because he never asked for such clearance. Since the captain's direct order forbid "personal interaction with the Varro crew" and the Varro are so xenophobic, the couple knew such permission would not be granted. They went ahead with their affair anyway.

And there is another complication. Derron Tal is a member of the dissident group Bren told us about. They've sabotaged the couplings between the Varro ship's segments. Specifications for the silicon-based parasite were found in Tal's personal database. She admitted her part in the plot to release the parasites, which have caused microfractures in _Voyager's_ hull as well as to the Varro ship's connectors. The process on the Varro ship is so far advanced, nothing will stop it from splitting apart at any moment. Many Varro may die from explosive decompression when the linkages give way. Harry suggested we expand the integrity field surrounding _Voyager,_ to give those living in the segments most likely to explode enough time to evacuate to safety.

The captain is angry at the entire situation, but at Harry in particular, since she's always considered him to be an exemplary officer. She's ordered him to go to the Doctor for treatment for the biochemical bond he developed with Tal. I don't know if he intends to comply - I can't predict what he'll do. He's not acting like the Harry Kim I thought I knew.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52590**

I spoke with Harry tonight. He's not in the brig, but if Father had his way, he would be. In addition to the other rules he broke, Harry "borrowed" a shuttle without permission and took Tal to visit a scenic nebula nearby. Father had to chase after them to order them back to _Voyager_.

The Varro ship is no longer a single vessel. The evacuations went well, and there wasn't much damage to the resulting individual ships. They were all space worthy by the next day, once the treatment B'Elanna used to destroy the silicon parasites on _Voyager's_ hull was applied to all of the Varro craft. The main group of ships are going in one direction. A dozen ships are going the other way, planning to investigate planets Jippeq refused to explore.

Derron Tal is in one of them. I don't know if the captain would have granted her asylum on _Voyager_ to stay with Harry after all she did to the Varro ship, but the issue was moot. She wants to stay with her own people. She invited Harry to join her, but returning to the Alpha Quadrant and seeing his parents again is too important to him. The captain did permit Harry a short visit to Tal for what must have been a very poignant farewell. Bren also went with the dissident Varro. He seems quite competent and would have made a fine addition to our crew, but I understand why he made this choice. Now that he's free of Jippeq, he prefers to stay with his own, too.

Harry is deeply in love with Tal. He's refused to go to Sickbay for the treatment the captain ordered him to take and has been telling everyone, "Love isn't a disease." If he glows every now and then when he thinks of her, it's because he treasures her memory. He told me if he feels pain, it will remind him that he found, for a handful of days, an "attainable" lover who loved him back. Unfortunately for Harry, she's now just as unattainable as the wrong twin, the alien masquerading as a holodeck character, or a former Borg.

The captain is allowing him to feel the pain of that lost love. She's also instituted a different sort of pain. Harry now has a formal reprimand on his record. He says loving Tal was worth it. If it affects his chances of promotion, I wonder if he will continue to feel that way?

=/\=


	46. Best Laid Plans

=/\=

 **Stardate 52606**

The captain has a new project. She's eager to get her hands on a transwarp coil. She believes we'll never be able to use that technology to speed _Voyager's_ journey home unless we can get one that has been field tested by the Borg. Her objective was fueled by our encounter with a small Borg vessel. The ship's drive included one of them as standard equipment, but our attempt to divert one to our use was a rather spectacular failure.

After we took note of the small probe ship approaching _Voyager,_ and it started reciting the usual "Resistance is Futile" spiel, Harry came up with a plan that could have helped us to obtain one. He'd previously noticed a pattern to the Borg's shield remodulations each time they switched from one frequency to another. For a split second between each change, a tiny gap appears in the shielding. He suggested we transport a photon torpedo inside the Borg vessel, during one of those moments of vulnerability, and rig it to explode a few seconds after arrival. Seven confirmed that Harry's plan was feasible. The torpedo made it through, but it landed very close to the power matrix. When it blew up, the entire vessel did, too. We were able to retrieve the vessel's transwarp coil, but it was so severely damaged, it was useless.

We sifted through the rest of the debris (fragments, for the most part). The crew salvaged a few items: several power nodes and plasma conduits, as well as a few data nodes containing tactical information for a wide area of space outside our normal sensor range. The Doctor was delighted with one relatively intact piece, the arm of a Borg medical drone. He thinks it will help him "revolutionize" his surgical procedures. Even though I try not to laugh whenever Father is around, I couldn't help myself when Tom added, "Every Federation Sickbay should have one." Once the salvageable parts were removed, Dad and I began to separate out the materials we can use ourselves or for trade. We'll use phasers to vaporize whatever is left.

I'm saddened when I think of the drones on the vessel. We couldn't lead any of them to a new life on _Voyager_ , the way we did for Seven. They all died in the explosion. A distressing percentage of "fragments" from the scout ship were the mortal remains of drones.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52608**

The captain has decided we need to invade an active Borg vessel. She's calling it, "Operation Fort Knox." We've identified a Borg sphere that's "limping along" after being damaged by an ion storm. From what Seven has determined about the cube's current condition, they still need to complete many repairs before they can use their transwarp drive. Since the drones will be busy, the captain believes we may be able transport an away team onto the vessel without attracting too much attention, _if_ we can mask our warp signature upon our approach.

Since Seven's parents studied the Borg for an extensive period, and Father downloaded teraquads of data when he rescued Seven from her parents' ship, _The Raven_ , the captain asked her to review those records, to see if her parents utilized any technologies or techniques we can implement to increase our chances of success. At first Seven expressed reluctance about reading her parents' documents. When the captain suggested she'd assign the task to someone else, such as Commander Chakotay, Seven changed her mind. She feels no one else should view the files she inherited from her parents. I quite agree.

Dad downloaded the material onto stacks of PADDs for her. He told me, "The Hansens certainly had a lot to say!" There were field notes, personal logs, bio-kinetic analyses, schematics for technical innovations - and that was only the first batch! He said Seven wasn't very pleased to see them at first, but after he revealed the only artifact he has left of his own family is a faded holoimage of his sister Alixia, she seemed to appreciate them a little more.

Dad's memories of his family _are_ just about all he has left. He's happy those memories were transferred to me, too. We speak of the family sometimes, especially since his crisis two Prixins ago. This past Prixin we decided to include a "Night of Remembrance" on the last night of the holiday, which Captain Janeway thought was a "lovely idea." We spoke of lost crewmates as well as our own family members who have passed on to whatever comes next, after our lives are over. Dad and I enjoyed the evening very much. I think it helped keep away any negative thoughts he might have had about what happened last year. But those PADDs of Seven's! As Dad said, "How wonderful it would be to have a record of some of our own family's thoughts!" We would both love to possess even a tiny fraction of information about our family, compared to the wealth of data Seven has available from hers, which she seemed so reluctant to review.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on Seven. These records describe the path her parents took, which led to her family's dissolution after they were assimilated by the Borg. Seven may already retain memories of everything that happened to her, and which are so painful, she has no wish to revisit them. And here we are, risking the assimilation of everyone on this ship, just to obtain a transwarp coil. Better than anyone else on _Voyager_ , Seven knows the fate we may bring down upon ourselves after a confrontation with the Borg.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52609**

Father has been named to the away team which will try to "liberate" a transwarp coil from the damaged Borg sphere. It was battered quite badly from the ion storm, but in 72 hours, according to Seven's estimates, sufficient repairs to the vessel will have been made for transwarp capability to be restored. The attempt to seize a coil will have to have been made before then. While Father is off _Voyager_ , Mr. Ayala and I will share duties at Tactical. All our Security staff will be on high alert during the mission. If the Borg decide our away team constitutes a threat, and they are able to locate our ship's position, they will send their own boarding party here. We must be prepared to defend _Voyager_ , if that eventuality should arise.

Captain Janeway, Seven, and Harry will comprise the rest of the away team. Commander Chakotay has developed a holodeck program simulating a Borg sphere, of the type we are planning to invade, which Seven confirmed is a "reasonably accurate representation." Three mission simulations have already taken place, but there will still be a couple more before tomorrow morning, when the captain wants to leave on the mission. Father believes they will need all the practice they can get prior to the attack. The away team members has practiced walking in a slow, steady, nonthreatening manner, but fast enough to get on and off the sphere while achieving their objective. Seven believes the plan is "ambitious, but can succeed." That was all the captain needed to hear to order the mission to proceed.

 **Supplemental**

Seven's research into her parents' records yielded schematics for two of her father's inventions, which will be used to assist in the completion of the away team's mission. When Magnus Hansen visited the inside of the cube to observe their daily lives, he wore a "bio-dampener," a device which obscured his life signs from the Borg. Father ordered the Doctor to replicate four of them for the away team's use. Designs for the multi-adaptive shielding the Hansens used to hide _The Raven_ from the Borg's sensors were also found. The captain has ordered B'Elanna to construct this device and fit it onto the _Delta Flyer_ , which Tom will fly to deliver the away team to the sphere and, once the mission is over, retrieve them for the return to _Voyager_.

While these technologies may be helpful, I wonder if they'll work as well as we hope? Since the Hansens were assimilated, whatever they knew that might be valuable to the Borg would have been retained in the Hive memory. Both of these inventions appear to be of the kind the Borg would consider useful. Wouldn't the Borg have ways to counter them when they're in use? With luck, they may not discover the away team until after they've absconded with a transwarp coil.

Something has been bothering Seven. I'm not the only one who's noticed how on edge she's been during the last couple of days. Reviewing those records must be raising some very unsettling ghosts from her past. The captain was worried enough about her to suggest Seven remain on _Voyager_ , to man Father's usual bridge station with Mr. Ayala. The captain had asked me if I would be willing to take Seven's place on the away team if Seven agreed. She did not. Seven insisted that she "must" be part of the team, and the captain gave in. I can't say I'm disappointed to be staying here. I'd rather be at Tactical, although I know I'll be worried about Father the whole time he's on the mission. I haven't had the rehearsals on the holodeck, while Seven has taken part in them. She's better prepared for whatever may happen.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52612**

The "invasion of the Borg sphere" is over. We obtained the object of the captain's obsession, her prize: a working transwarp coil. B'Elanna and her engineers are working on installing it right now. However, the mission didn't go off without a major hitch. Seven didn't return with the rest of the away team. Seven told Captain Janeway she had a "change of heart" and wanted to stay with the Collective. We gained a transwarp coil, but we lost Seven.

Everyone is extremely upset. Most consider Seven's action a betrayal of trust, even though she did assist the captain in stealing the transwarp coil before her defection. Word has gone around the ship that only the day before yesterday, when she begged the captain to remain part of the away team, she'd said that _Voyager_ was "her Collective now." When Commander Chakotay suggested that Seven planned to return to the Borg all along, and cooperating with us was the means for her to do so, the captain told him Seven had had many other opportunities to leave but didn't. It's a weak argument, and the captain knows it. We all thought she'd gotten over her desire to return to the Borg. I know I did. What the captain says is true, however. If Seven had truly wished to return to the Borg, she could simply have remained on the _Dauntless_ with Arturis after it entered Borg space, instead of transporting back to _Voyager_ with the captain.

=/\=


	47. Rescue Mission

**=/\=**

 **Supplemental**

I went with Dad and the senior staff to clean out the remaining Borg "stuff" from Cargo Bay Two. I was still pondering Seven's decision to remain with the Borg. I told Harry we could check her personal log, which she keeps in Borg alphanumerics, to see if she left any clues about her reasons. When Harry was dazzled by Seven after she first arrived on _Voyager_ , he studied the Borg writing system in an attempt to impress her. That skill came in quite handy when she attacked Dad, stole a shuttle, and entered B'omar space. After Harry described her log entries to Captain Janeway, she realized Seven returning to her parents' ship, _The Raven_.

While Harry was downloading Seven's log entries from the previous week, I scanned her alcove to see if I could find anything anomalous in its mechanics. I found something. So did Harry.

We called the captain and Commander Chakotay over to the alcove to report our discoveries.

"Captain, the energy fluctuations in Seven's alcove during the past several days are quite different from the patterns the device usually displays during her regeneration periods. They don't seem to be due to a malfunction, and they seem to be too regular to be random fluctuations. They abruptly appeared two days after our attack on the probe ship. It's possible they originated from an outside source - the Borg, perhaps?"

"When Tuvix mentioned energy fluctuations," Harry added, "I translated Seven's last log entry. It's very short. She says, 'It is what I fear most. I must leave my Collective."

"Are you sure it doesn't say 'I must return to the Collective,' Harry?" Commander Chakotay asked.

"No, no. It definitely says 'leave.' In fact, I'm positive it says 'must leave.' Captain, it sounds like she didn't _want_ to go. Didn't you say she told you _Voyager_ was her Collective now? What if the Borg contacted her, maybe threatened her in some way, and that's why she stayed on the sphere?"

The captain ordered Harry to translate the rest of the past week's entries and ordered me to come with her to her ready room and assist her in checking the ship's sensor logs, to see if we can corroborate my findings. While I was there, running a transpectral analysis on all subspace fluctuations throughout _Voyager_ during the past week, Father announced a member of the crew wished to speak with Captain Janeway. It was Naomi Wildman.

It was very sweet, really, but it was more than just "sweet." Little Naomi has been paying attention to all of those "Captain's Bridge Assistant" lessons she's been cadging from Seven - and anyone else who's been willing to help her - including me, when I have the time to spend with her and answer her questions. She knew exactly how to phrase her request according to Starfleet protocol: "Permission to submit a proposal for your review, Captain. A rescue plan for Seven of Nine." Naomi suggested we change our long-range sensors to search for Seven's cortical implant frequency in order to locate her. It's actually a very workable plan - if Seven is still within long-range sensor range. Even if our main deflector dish is used to boost the range of our sensors - which Naomi thoughtfully had included in her plan - we probably wouldn't be close enough to Seven's current position to find her.

The captain praised her for her "initiative," but Naomi could tell she was being ushered out of the captain's presence. Plaintively, Naomi asked if the captain was going to give up looking for Seven. I saw a flicker of pain cross the captain's face at the very idea being voiced. She leaned towards Naomi and told her that a Starship captain must always remember three things: "keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and _never_ abandon a member of your crew." At that moment, the computer beeped with the results of our analysis. The captain smiled at what I had to show her and then at her other visitor. "Look at this, Naomi. What do you see?"

"They're sensor log records," she replied.

"Yes, but look here. As Lieutenant Tuvix suggested to me a little while ago, these aren't random energy fluctuations. They're Borg com signals. And they were directed at Cargo Bay Two."

Naomi jumped to the obvious conclusion, "The Borg were talking to Seven of Nine?"

"It certainly looks that way."

=/\=

 **Stardate 52613**

After Harry's translation of Seven's logs confirmed that the Borg were indeed speaking with her and knew of our plans to invade the damaged sphere, Captain Janeway announced we would mount a long-range tactical rescue. B'Elanna is fitting the _Delta Flyer_ with the transwarp coil. While Naomi's idea about looking for Seven through her cortical implant frequency actually _is_ part of the plan, we can't use it to track Seven's position until after we're inside a transwarp corridor. The multi-adaptive shielding will make the _Flyer_ almost invisible to Borg sensors. Father, Tom, the Doctor, and I will accompany Captain Janeway on this mission.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52620**

We're back. We retrieved Seven. We used the transwarp coil we'd "acquired" in Operation Fort Knox to travel to Seven's current position, and then to escape from the Borg Queen's clutches.

When we first saw the heart of the Borg's - I believe I must call it an empire, even though they have a Borg Queen, not an empress - we were astonished. To call the Unicomplex huge is so inadequate a term, it's laughable. Cubes which are manned by a hundred thousand drones or more fly around by the dozens - perhaps hundreds. I couldn't see from one end of the Unicomplex to the other, so I really don't know how many vessels were there, although Father probably does from the readouts taken at his science station. The multi-adaptive shielding apparently worked, at least, for a while. Eventually, we had Borg vessels chasing us out of their domain. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Using Seven's cortical implant frequency as a homing beacon, we discovered she was inside a construction that looked like fifteen or twenty huge tactical cubes haphazardly stuck together. It didn't look very efficient to me, but I'm not an architect. As we learned later, it was the Borg Queen's "castle," to maintain a royal analogy. Once we pinpointed Seven's position, we couldn't simply fly by and spirit her away using the _Flyer's_ transporter. Seven was in a chamber what was heavily shielded. The corridors outside of the chamber were not shielded so well, however. I volunteered to go into the complex with Father and the captain, but she told me to stay on the _Flyer_ "for the time being." I believe she wanted to minimize the collateral damage if we had to follow her orders to fire all of our weapons at the chamber upon her command - even though the captain, and probably Father, would still be there with Seven. Tom did question the order, but if Captain Janeway firmly says, "Do it," your answer must be, "Yes, ma'am."

We could tell the Borg knew about our multi-adaptive shielding capability. Tom was very good at changing the frequency frequently enough so that the Borg couldn't get a good lock upon our position, especially since the master of evasive maneuvers was at the _Delta Flyer's_ helm, but they bracketed us with their fire. Eventually, even Tom couldn't befuddle them any longer. A Borg tractor beam began to drag us towards one of the cubes. I thought we'd run out of luck.

Then the familiar, husky voice of our leader rang out of our comm. "Tom, high-yield torpedoes, full spread. Fire on my command."

The tractor beam disengaged, but I had my hand above the torpedo release panel at the _Flyer's_ tactical station, ready to follow her command once it was given. I was relieved when the captain instructed us to hold our fire, but my hand stayed where it was. After a short pause, during which _something_ must have been happening in the chamber, the captain ordered us to beam three to the _Delta Flyer_. As soon as the captain, Seven, and Father materialized, Tom turned the _Flyer_ around and we sped as quickly as we could through the complex.

Weapons fire and tractor beams flared all around us, but Tom's reflexes are remarkable at times like these, perhaps even superhuman. He calls it being "in the zone." Compared to _Voyager_ , which is so big he could never have been able to avoided all of what the Borg were throwing at us, the _Flyer_ darted all around, into and through the tiniest of openings. I saw Borg cubes' weapons fire, which missed us, explode against other Borg vessels' shields. Once, a tractor beam intersected with another that had come from another cube. The beams began to twist, suddenly flashed brightly, and then died. I assume what I saw was the equivalent of a feedback pulse.

Our own weapons were knocked out very quickly from the Borg's fire, but once we were clear of the Unicomplex, we initiated transwarp. It would be quite satisfying to state, for the record, that this was the end of the adventure. It wasn't.

A small Borg craft, very different in design from any other I've seen, shot out of the Unicomplex. It was streamlined in shape and looked a little like Arturis' _Dauntless_. It was very fast and managed to slip inside the transwarp conduit behind us, which the three tactical cubes chasing us could not. The conduit we made was too small and closed up too quickly for them to enter. Those large vessels could have created their own transwarp corridors, of course, but they would have to anticipate our true course. I knew Tom had taken an initial bearing that wasn't remotely like the one we meant to take to return to _Voyager_. Tom had a few more tricks in his arsenal, even within the transwarp conduit. The triangular Borg ship, however, followed in our wake.

The captain contacted Commander Chakotay as soon as the _Delta Flyer_ erupted into normal space, to let him know that a Borg vessel had followed us. I watched, fascinated, as photon torpedoes shot out of _Voyager_ , a full spread of six, headed toward the transwarp threshold perimeter. The conduit collapsed upon itself. That wasn't all, however. As the artificial nebula created by the sudden destruction of the conduit began to dissipate, chunks - and many more fragments - of flying Borg debris shot out of where it had been. They looked exactly like the remains of the probe ship when it exploded after we sent our photon torpedo too close to its power matrix. I took a quick lifesign reading, just before the _Delta Flyer_ entered its home shuttle bay. As with the probe ship, none of the Borg who had been on this one still lived.

As soon as we docked, B'Elanna ran into the shuttle bay, gave Tom a quick kiss, and slipped into the _Flyer_ to remove the transwarp coil to transfer it to _Voyager's_ propulsion system. I don't know how she did it, but in less than two hours, our ship created another transwarp conduit and shot through it for what seemed like ages but was probably less than an hour. After the coil burned itself out, the conduit dissipated and we fell into normal space. Harry and Seven, in Astrometrics, reported we'd traveled close to another 20,000 light years while the coil was in operation. We'd cut off a minimum of fifteen years, and probably a few more, from our journey.

We'd "left the scene of the crime," so to speak, after a successful "heist," Harry was with Seven in Astrometrics for a reason. That haunted look had returned as soon as we'd flown into the shuttle bay, and the captain didn't want her to be alone. It was a very good call by Captain Janeway. Seven hasn't looked this pale since her skin was mottled gray, lying in Sickbay, and recovering from her disconnection from the Borg. I don't think the fact that she was no longer with the Borg was the cause of her pallor this time. This entire experience must have been terrible for her. I'll offer to speak with her about it if I get the opportunity. I never did the last time she looked that way, after the multitude of voices assailing her had finally been silenced. Seven may have been alone in her mind then, but she was very shaken by her ordeal. I won't make the same mistake this time. If she's willing to speak with me, I'll be there for her.

=/\=


	48. Aftermath

=/\=

 **Stardate 52622**

When I entered the Mess Hall for breakfast this morning, I saw Seven sitting alone at the same corner table she'd occupied after the "voices" incident. That haunted look was back. Once I'd filled my tray, I approached her and asked her if she would mind if I shared her table. From the way her eyes flicked around the Mess Hall, I gather she might have said she did mind, if there had been any free tables. It was crowded today, however, and she nodded to indicate I could take the other chair. We didn't say anything for a few minutes. I must confess I was quite hungry and had to consciously resist wolfing down the pancakes Dad had made for us today - B'Elanna's favorite, banana pancakes, but with the added twist of a few chocolate chips sprinkled in as he cooked them on his griddle. They were substantial and tasted just wonderful.

After I'd assuaged my hunger enough to slow down and truly savor the rest of my meal, I noticed Seven had chosen a serving of the same pancakes, although she was eating hers at a much slower pace than I was. I asked her if she liked them, and she said they were "satisfactory." Seven took a sip of her nutritional shake, while I reached for my mug of coffee. A suggestion of a smile crossed her lips, and she commented, "The captain asked me if I would like a cup of coffee, just before we left for our trip to the sphere. I turned her down. I've never developed a taste for it."

I was pleased to have an opening to talk to her about what had happened, but my initial response was trite. "Coffee can be an acquired taste, especially since some of Dad's blends are not what most of the crew remembers as a 'taste of home.'" I smiled as warmly as I could while I spoke.

The slight smile faded. "I never had the chance to acquire a taste for coffee. I don't know if my parents liked it. If so, they never mentioned it in their logs."

"Reading them must have been very difficult for you."

"It was . . . painful. I'd forgotten so much. And now . . . I'm angry at what they did. What they put me through. Themselves through. And then to see him like that . . . " Seven's voice trailed off as a momentary memory clouded her perceptions. I couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't inane. I didn't want that look to show on her face again, but she came out of it very quickly.

"Are you all right, Seven?" I finally asked her.

She sighed. "I am, Lieutenant. It's just . . . I haven't told many people about this. The captain. The Doctor. I believe I will share this with you, too. When I was with the Queen, she summoned my father. The drone. Magnus Hansen. She didn't tell me his designation. I might be able to plumb my memories to find out what it is, but I'd rather not. She thought seeing him would make me want to rejoin the Borg. To return to 'the family.' She has no true concept of emotions, or she would have anticipated that seeing him, after what he put my family through, had the opposite effect of what she intended. I felt disgust and anger. He ruined our family because he wouldn't listen to my mother when she told him it was time to stop, to return to the Federation, to let everyone know the Borg were not a myth; they were dangerous; and they'd destroy everyone in their path if they could. He ignored her. And then it was too late."

I couldn't help myself. I put out my hand and touched hers - the one with the exoskeleton - to comfort her. Perhaps it was. She didn't flinch or move her hand away. When I finally found the words to speak, I said, "Seven, if you ever want to speak with me about this, please come to me. I feel a kinship with you, you see. We're both 'hybrids' - technological marvels, perhaps I should say. It isn't easy finding that balance between two very different heritages. I know how difficult that can be, I assure you."

She definitely smiled then. "Ensign Paris, when he was still a lieutenant, said much the same thing to me, shortly after I arrived on _Voyager_. I wonder if his offer still stands? I've heard he's had a difficult relationship with his own father."

"Yes, he's never been shy about that. Since his experience on Monea, he seems to be trying to examine their relationship more closely. I must say, Tom would also be an excellent person to speak with - about just about anything, really. He'll give you very good advice. He always has whenever I have something troubling me, and I need to talk over the subject with someone."

"Your fathers don't help you?"

"There are some subjects I'm not comfortable discussing with either of my fathers."

"I see. Thank you for your offer, Lieutenant. I may take you up on it. I will see if Ensign Paris' offer still stands first."

I don't know if we would have spoken any further about the subject, because just then, Sam Wildman and Naomi walked into the Mess Hall. Naomi squealed with delight when she saw Seven and ran over to give her a hug. Generally, Seven stiffens up if someone tries to hug her (usually, it's Dad doing the hugging). But, as with the touch of my hand, this morning she seemed to welcome Naomi's embrace. I finished eating my breakfast and moved a free chair to the table, so Naomi and Sam both could visit with Seven and chat for a while. Our Captain's Bridge Assistant promised to lift Seven's spirits more than I could. I left for my duty station, relieved. Seven faced off against her greatest foe, and she survived. She's still here with us. That's good for her, as it is for our entire crew. Our _Voyager_ Collective.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52624**

There's a rumor going around that Seven went to Tom to talk about her experiences with the Borg Queen - and more specifically, about "father issues." Tom has refused to go into detail about it, although, from my conversation with Seven in the Mess Hall, I'm sure she did. While it's not generally known among the crew, Father informed everyone in Security about the Borg Queen's claim she'd _placed_ Seven on _Voyager_. In a conversation with the captain and Father, Seven confirmed that she'd remained on the sphere because the Queen had threatened to assimilate everyone on _Voyager_ if she didn't.

Once the Queen had Seven in her grasp, she was willing to continue honoring her promise not to interfere with _Voyager's_ return home - if Seven agreed to help the Borg Queen achieve her goals. She ordered Seven to program nanoprobes and introduce them into a weapon that would assimilate everyone on Earth, but only gradually. A biogenic charge detonated in the Earth's atmosphere, would disseminate them throughout the world, in the same way ash from an exploding volcano will drift in the prevailing winds and circle the Earth. Half the population would be assimilated before anyone realized what was happening, and much too late to prevent it from affecting everyone on the planet. While we're certain Seven would never go along with such a plan, Father told us we must be vigilant. The Borg Queen may try to find another way to deliver this weapon to Earth, possibly by using _Voyager_ itself as a carrier.

That's not where Seven's haunted look came from however. She admitted to Tom that the Queen forced her to help assimilate an entire race of 392,000 individuals. The Queen said they were doing those individuals a favor. They were being reborn to a "higher purpose," their petty lives transformed from chaos into order. It was really a test of sorts, since Seven didn't see anything particularly "special" about the technology Species 10026 possessed. While the Queen may have wanted them because she needed additional drones, Seven believes there was another reason she insisted Seven participate. The Queen wanted to bend Seven to her will, to prove her loyalty to the Collective. If that was her aim, it failed. Seven helped four of the species to escape. The Queen accused Seven of exhibiting "petty human emotions," like "mercy," but after Seven pointed out it would be a waste of resources to go after so few, the Queen let them flee.

Seven gave Tom permission to tell me about this. She told him, "Lieutenant Tuvix noticed something was bothering me. He offered to help, if he could. Tell him this was what was bothering me. Those four people aren't a threat to the Borg, and at least I won't have to worry about hearing their voices haunting me in the future."

She's right, of course, but there are approximately 392,000 other members of Species 10026 whose voices may return someday.

=/\=

Author's Note: While Tuvix's logs are an alternate universe story, and Tom Paris' adhere closely to canon, I would imagine the discussion Seven had with Tom would be the same in both universes, other than the reference to Tuvix. If you'd like to read more about Seven and Tom's discussion, you can go to "Log Entries: Chief Helmsman of Voyager," Chapter "6. Year Five" - Stardate 52625.7. The conversation is also depicted in another story, "Out of the Virtual, into the Real," in Chapter 14, "Mommy and Daddy Issues."


	49. Seven of Mine

=/\=

 **Stardate 52649**

"Try one of these appetizers, Tuvix. What do you think?"

I nibbled on one. "Very tasty, Dad. I love the slight tang after the cheese melts on the tongue."

"Oh, dear. I may not be able to serve these, then."

"Why not? They're delicious."

Dad explained that the Kadi follow an ascetic lifestyle. They eschew anything that may stimulate their senses or appetites. Quite literally, in the case of appetites. Their food is very bland and all but tasteless. He had me try another hors d'oeuvre, from a recipe the abbot had sent him.

I sampled the dish. It was mild, but not bland. It wasn't tasteless. "I like this, Dad. The flavor is very subtle. It's more like a Vulcan dish than a Talaxian one, to be sure." I could see he was still worried. He slipped out of the kitchen to offer a sample of the appetizers he'd prepared to Tom and B'Elanna, who were enjoying a quiet dinner. They seemed to like them, too. I couldn't help remembering what Tom had said to me, shortly after my place on _Voyager_ had been confirmed. I'd mentioned I would advise Dad to tone down his spice-shaking arm. Tom's reply to me was, "Good luck with that, Tuvix." And, I'm sad to say, Tom was right and I was wrong. Dad's biggest challenge as head chef has always been remembering that everyone on the ship doesn't care for the spicy Talaxian cuisine Dad prefers.

I'd already offered to help him prepare the ambassador's dishes, but Dad said he'd get back to me on that. I'm still waiting for his answer. Although Dad usually exudes a great deal of confidence in any task the captain assigns him, this one has him more than a little flummoxed.

The Kadi colony has a theocratic government, since the first settlers of the planet were monks. Most of the population are civilians, or, in religious terms, the laity, but the monastery leaders function as the government whenever interplanetary visitors come to call, or more likely, to bargain. The planet itself (called Kad, after their deity) is blessed with minerals deposits of unusually pure quality. Even more are available in asteroid field that is positioned in the next planetary orbiting position away from their sun. They won't trade with just anyone. They have exacting moral standards and will only agree to engage in trade and commerce with those species who are judged to be trustworthy.

Ambassador Tomin, one of the monks and the assistant to their abbot, will live board _Voyager_ for a week to assess our crew. He will decide if our moral character is sufficiently high to qualify us as trading partners. Captain Janeway and Father will be visiting the colony at the same time to represent our crew. When I first heard about this plan, I wondered if the Kadi were like the Varro, but they apparently aren't that rigid. Although they disdain cultural contamination from more worldly groups, they aren't xenophobic. Dad, as _Voyager's_ "ambassador," has been tasked with providing for all Tomin's needs during his stay.

While Dad was circulating around the Mess Hall, handing out samples of his appetizers and asking for the crew's opinions, I noticed B'Elanna get out of her seat and cross over to the other end of the room, where Seven was sitting. Their conversation turned into an altercation. Seven had taken upon herself the task of studying mating practices. From the excerpts B'Elanna read from Seven's PADD of notes (at sufficient volume so that everyone in the Mess Hall must have heard every word), Seven's behavior seemed to fall more in the "stalking" category. Had she spoken to me about it beforehand, I would have urged Seven to explore the subject in the database first. I certainly wouldn't have suggested she record when Tom and B'Elanna resumed intimate relations after an argument - especially if lurking in the corridor on Deck 9, Section 12 in the middle of Gamma shift would be the way she obtained her data. While it's certainly true that when Tom and B'Elanna are enjoying their physical relationship, everyone in the area knows exactly what's going on, by tacit agreement, the crew doesn't usually take detailed notes - I don't think. If they have, no one has ever shared them with me.

The situation was escalating rapidly. Even though I was off-duty, I approached the potential combatants. Before I reached them, however, Tom threw his arms around B'Elanna and held her away from Seven, while Dad moved in front of our former Borg, effectively moving the two farther apart. No one suffered a broken nose (as B'Elanna threatened to do to Seven), and Tom successfully dragged his girlfriend out of the Mess Hall.

While I cleaned up Tom and B'Elanna's table, since they hadn't had the chance to do that before the situation became so volatile, I pondered what I should do about the situation. While it was a private matter in some ways, having the chief engineer and the head of Astrometrics ready to do battle was not optimal at any time. It certainly wasn't conducive for the pleasant visit with Ambassador Tomin we planned. The negotiations were sensitive enough as it was. When I mentioned to Dad I really should report this incident to Father, he heartily agreed. "We don't want any trouble while Tomin is here!"

 **Supplemental**

I contacted Father, who thanked me for the warning about possible "bad blood" between B'Elanna and Seven. He must have told the captain, because she contacted me a few minutes ago and asked me to describe the entire incident in detail. When I was finished, I could almost hear the captain rubbing her forehead, as she does whenever a headache threatens. She promised to speak to Seven in the morning, before she and Father leave for the Kadi colony. "I can't allow that sort of behavior to continue," she commented. " _Voyager_ isn't a nature preserve!" While I quite agree, I'm not sure Seven will see it that way.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52651**

Dad doesn't believe he'll need my assistance cooking for the ambassador after all. Apparently Tomin has indicated he's more flexible in his food choices than the Abbot indicated he might be. I was glad to hear that, as I have quite enough "on my plate," so to speak, as it is.

Captain Janeway's little talk with Seven must have made an impression. The captain suggested she would learn more about mating practices by trying the first step - dating - for herself. (Seven has apparently already done her research, accumulating gigaquads of data on romantic relationships.) Seven made a list of those crew members she might wish to ask out for a date.

I learned about this when I saw Harry sitting in the corner of the Mess Hall, looking quite morose. Fearing he was thinking of Tal again, I asked him what was wrong. His mopey mood had more to do with our resident former Borg than the long-departed Varro engineer. Harry had seen her in Astrometrics, perusing a list of possible romantic partners - and Harry hadn't even made her list of prospective dates.

Lieutenant William Chapman, is a very nice fellow, to be sure, but he's not someone I would think of as a good match for Seven. He _is_ very intelligent, of course, but he's never struck me as the type of man who would be confident enough to deal with our Seven. She appreciates strength, and I can't see Lieutenant Chapman standing toe to toe with her. Harry would have been a "safe" first date. After all, she hit him on the head when she wanted to return to the Collective (only days after her separation from the Borg), and she humiliated him publicly when she demoted him to Two of Ten. Despite these actions, he's still her friend. I'm sure he'd be very solicitous of her lack of sophistication during a "first date." Many crewmen (mainly the men) have made fun of Harry's abortive suggestion for a "stroll through the Ktarian moonrise holodeck program" with him. Seven misinterpreted his suggestion to go there as a request to copulate. I'm sure he'd have _liked_ to have copulated with her, but he knew it wasn't in her best interests to do so at that time and withdrew the offer. I have much more respect for Harry than I do for those who make fun of him for backing off from a "sure thing."

The Doctor has been advising Seven on the subject of dating, which raises all sorts of alarm bells for me. As Kes once told me, he can be a little _TOO_ interested in the crew's mating habits. He hasn't had that much practice dating himself - I'm hard pressed to think of anyone he's dated, other than Dr. Denara Pel, the Vidiian physician, or Charlene, his wife in his family holodeck program. While I don't have much experience with dating since I've been Tuvix, either, I've plenty of memories from my fathers about romantic attachments. I know the course of true love, as Shakespeare wrote, doesn't always run smooth. (There's a reason most Vulcan marriages are arranged by the parents, when the prospective bride and groom are still children. Vulcans consider "dating" to be an illogical method of choosing a life-long mate.)

I commiserated with Harry by saying I probably wasn't on her list, either. Harry perked up after I mentioned that, because I wasn't. The only other candidate she'd even been willing to consider was Ensign Bronowski. Harry confided to me that Ensign Bronowski has no sense of humor. I nodded sagely, thinking that the ensign might have actually been a good match for Seven. She isn't particularly known for her sense of humor, either.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52654**

Everyone is talking about Seven's date with Lieutenant Chapman. Since it went so badly for him, I doubt there will be a second. He was dancing with Seven and ended up with a dislocated arm. How he managed that while dancing, I have no idea. And he should have known better than to order a lobster for her dinner, instead of permitting her to choose her own entrée. From several of the crew who "just happened" to visit Sandrines during the date, she had trouble knowing how to eat one. She also seemed disconcerted by the prospect of eating something with an exoskeleton, since she has one herself.

After Lieutenant Chapman was taken to Sickbay for treatment of his injury by Tom, who was on duty there last night, Seven danced more successfully with our Doctor. Perhaps she should have asked him out for her first date. She wouldn't have had to worry about dislocating _his_ arm.

Harry asked me if I'd placed my bet yet. I had no idea what he was talking about, until he explained that Tom and the Doctor have posted a wager. It concerns Seven coming with a date at the reception which will be held for Tomin tomorrow evening. Many of the crew are betting their replicator rations on whether Tom or the Doctor will win the bet. Bets upon bets. I'm afraid, in this instance, my Vulcan nature comes to the fore. I'd prefer to earn my replicator rations the old fashioned way, not fritter them away trying to guess which of two crew mates have guessed correctly about an event that will occur in the future. The wager seems quite complicated to me. For the Doctor to win, Seven must arrive with a date, still be on good terms with her date at the end of the evening, and they cannot be involved in a diplomatic incident during the course of the reception. If I _were_ going to join in with the other bettors, I'd back Tom. That's a lot to ask of Seven so soon in her personal study of dating and mating.

Concerning Tomin, the ambassador is giving Dad fits. If Tomin is acting in what the Kadi think of as an ascetic lifestyle, I would hate to see what they'd consider hedonistic. He's been running Dad ragged. The spiciness of his cooking is the least of Dad's troubles. Tomin has been spending an inordinate amount of time on the holodeck, indulging in all sorts of programs which emphasize sensual pleasures, particularly of the sexual variety. At least he isn't chasing after any of our humanoid crew - that I know of. Dad is worried that the trade negotiations will break down if the Kadi abbot finds out what Tomin has been up to on _Voyager_. I don't know what to tell him. With any luck, Tomin will manage to sow his wild oats and calm down before the abbot comes to _Voyager_ to finalize the trade agreement. The Kadi have many commodities we need. B'Elanna has been complaining about our lack of raw materials. We can't build shuttles out of thin air (even though we seem to lose them in thin air often enough).

=/\=

 **Stardate 52556**

I would like to report that the reception for Tomin went well; that the Doctor won his bet with Tom because Seven was the impeccable date; and Tomin behaved himself in a sober, dignified manner, befitting the anointed representative of his monastery. I'd like to report that. I can't. Since Father had assigned me to oversee the evening in his absence, I was there; and I saw it all. It was like two shuttles crashing in slow motion. The evening was a fiasco.

The Doctor was Seven's date. Tom had forgotten to exclude him from the list of eligible "bachelors." He was dismayed when he saw them walk in together. Initially, Seven's behavior was impressive. She offered a lovely toast to commemorate the occasion. Tom conceded the Doctor had won their wager. For the next month, Tom would work double shifts in Sickbay. When I heard Tom say this to the Doctor, I was relieved I had refrained from placing any bets of my own. I would have lost.

Unfortunately, Seven overheard Tom's comment and demanded an explanation. She was _not_ happy about being the subject of ship's gossip, or that bets were being placed concerning her behavior. While Tom had conceded the bet to the Doctor at this point, all its conditions had not yet been met. Seven stomped away from the Doctor. The evening had not ended with the parties being on good terms with one another. And as for there not being a diplomatic incident . . .

During this entire visit, Tomin had been enjoying himself by eating and drinking everything he could find - especially if what he was consuming was stimulating to the senses. At the reception, he'd overindulged in syntheholic beverages. He was staggering around the Mess Hall in a state of extreme inebriation. The only individual I've ever known who's responded in a similar manner to synthehol is Seven of Nine. She became very drunk when we were celebrating the end of the slipstream engine building project (another disaster, as I recall). Since Seven had never imbibed syntheholic champagne before, no one knew her Borg implants couldn't process it. The Doctor had to adapt some of her nanoprobes to absorb the excess in her bloodstream. Perhaps that should have been a warning to us about Tomin. His body also cannot process synthehol. Since he wasn't supposed to be drinking anything stronger than water, no one had thought to test his tolerance for it prior to the party.

As Seven was walking out of the Mess Hall, extremely upset by what she saw as the Doctor's betrayal, since she assumed he was providing her with "social skills training" as the means for winning a bet, Ambassador Tomin grabbed her by the arm and began to slobber all over her. He wanted to take her back to his quarters to indulge in "human mating rituals." Seven threatened to rip his arm off if he didn't let her go. Tomin didn't take it well. Before I could reach him to detach his hand from Seven's arm before she did it for him, Tomin began to yell loudly that _he_ was the _guest of honor_ , as if this gave him license to do anything he wished. Tomin tried to reach for another drink, but instead, crashed into a heap onto the floor. The "no diplomatic incident" proviso of the wager had also been a failure.

I helped get Tomin to Sickbay and stayed there while the Doctor and Tom worked on him. Seven agreed to modify nanoprobes to treat him for intoxication. The Doctor was quite apologetic, but Seven refused to pay attention to him as she worked. It's possible she was unable to hear the EMH over Tomin's cries of, "Seven of Mine! Assimilate me! Please!"

Seven did speak briefly with the Doctor before she left Sickbay, after she delivered the modified nanoprobes for Tomin. She didn't look happy. The Doctor looked upset, too. I remained at Tomin's side until he fell into a deep sleep - probably more of a stupor - at which point Mr. Ayala relieved me.

I hope the abbot, unlike Ensign Bronowski, has a sense of humor. If all of the facts are relayed to him, I fear we will need to procure the minerals B'Elanna says we need from some other place. We need them. We're always looking for materials to build shuttles. We lose so many!

=/\=

 **Stardate 52557**

I'm relieved to report that despite the "bumps in the road" with Tomin, the trade agreement was signed today.

Tomin was still very much under the weather when I accompanied him to the transporter room. Dad was following close behind us, wringing his hands and muttering about being abandoned with the Kadi after the way Tomin's visit had spiraled out of control.

When the Abbot arrived with the captain and Father, he was in a very mellow mood. He asked Tomin whether he had indulged in any "distractions . . . or any of their more _colorful_ traditions" during his visit to _Voyager_. "Of course not," Tomin lied.

Dad chimed in, "We followed the itinerary that you approved to the last detail." I tried to prevent myself from rolling my eyes, but I must have moved them a little. Father was standing next to Captain Janeway, staring at me in a fairly good imitation of Captain Janeway's fearsome glare. He may not have needed to touch me to read me telepathically.

The abbot saved us. With an indulgent smile, he exclaimed, "What a shame! It isn't a violation to _explore_ new experiences . . as long as you don't make a _habit_ of it."

Dad and I exchanged very knowing glances as Tomin stumbled onto the transporter, while the abbot followed the captain to the conference room. The abbot has a better sense of humor, as well as an understanding of life in general, I suspect, than anticipated.

More, I hear, than Ensign Bronowski.

=/\=


	50. The Think Tank Paradox

=/\=

 **Stardate 52734**

We thought it was a planetoid laced with dilithium. It was a trap crafted by a notorious group of bounty hunters, the Hazari. After we evaded them, the captain thought we'd done so a little too easily. She was correct. Several Hazari ships were working together, blocking every path _Voyager_ could use to escape. Father and I were working with the captain, trying to construct tactical scenarios which would allow us to slip away, but we weren't having much luck.

Before leaving the Mess Hall for the night, Dad served Captain Janeway another mug of black coffee (he told me later he offered to provide her with intravenous caffeine, if she thought it would help her concentrate), and left her sitting there alone, working on her calculations. In the morning, she announced that an isomorphic projection (shades of Dejaren, the murderous isomorph!) had visited her after Dad's departure. This Kurros uploaded tactical data into her computer terminal, providing analyses of several likely Hazari ambushes. He'd also left her the coordinates for his vessel, if she wished to contact them about a possible deal. Before his image faded away, Kurros said, "You have a problem, Captain . . . and I am the solution."

The captain was intrigued. We traveled to where the vessel was located, hidden in a subspace pocket. I was disturbed by the very idea of a "subspace pocket," since Father, Tom, and the Doctor had been lost inside one several months ago, but admittedly, this group's technology was impressive. Some of it, Seven declared, was even more advanced than the Borg's. The captain and Seven visited them and met a motley assortment of beings who require a special telepathic enhancement device to communicate. When Kurros' isomorphic projection visited Captain Janeway in our Mess Hall, she'd called them a "Think Tank," a term which arose hundreds of years ago on Earth for organizations which did what Kurros' group purports to do. Those Think Tanks didn't perform their services gratis, and neither does this 24th century version. Kurros' Think Tank's fee for helping us escape from the Hazari included the schematics for the quantum slipstream drive (even though we haven't perfected it yet), Dad's _chadre'kab_ recipe, Chakotay's ancient Olmec figurine - and Seven of Nine.

The captain was reluctant to trade a member of the crew, quite naturally, but she told Seven it was her choice to make. Kurros told Seven they were offering her a tremendous opportunity to do good in the galaxy, to fully use her intellectual gifts, which he said are "wasted" on _Voyager_. After Seven told the captain she would not comply with the Think Tank's request, Captain Janeway quoted an ancient Earth saying to Kurros: "Don't call us; we'll call you."

One of the plans we'd come up with on our own wouldn't allow us to escape from the Hazari, but if slightly modified, we realized it could buy us time. We used a very ancient trick, known on many worlds, but which apparently wasn't as familiar to the Hazari. We scattered debris in a small area to make it look like _Voyager_ had exploded and hid subspatial charges inside the fragments. When a small Hazari vessel entered the field to investigate, we triggered the charges, disabling the Hazari ship long enough for us to transport the two men inside the vessel onto _Voyager_ and into custody, while the craft itself was tractored into our shuttlebay. I was a member of the team assigned to examine their ship. I discovered several encoded transmissions, including scrambled bio-readings from the sender, and downloaded them for the captain to review.

She took the communication records to Sickbay. With the Doctor's help, an image was built holographically, revealing the Hazari had been hired by the Malon. The captain noticed some isomorphic signatures embedded within the bio-readings. When the image was reconstituted to account for those signatures, we discovered the Hazari's actual client: Kurros.

When the captain showed the doctored transmission to the Hazari captain/pilot, he was shocked. The bounty hunters had had no idea of the actual identity of their actual client until we shared the images with them. When he realized he was being duped himself, he agreed to work with us. The plan we came up with was a "sting" operation (another very old term). The Hazari wouldn't lose out on their bounty. The Think Tank were infamous. They'd duped many in the surrounding system who would be willing to pay them for the favor of "neutralizing" them. (It helped that the Hazari, as part of our "sting," would demand Kurros pay triple their bounty fee.)

When the Hazari were "attacking" _Voyager_ , Seven slipped away to the Think Tank's subspace hideout and agreed to join them, since it was the only way to save _Voyager_. While this was the original reason Kurros had set the Hazri onto _Voyager_ , he couldn't discount Seven's "defection" was a trick. He was willing to accept Seven's word as truth only after his cybernetic partner probed Seven's mind, as he had done at their first meeting. As soon as the partner connected with Seven's neural transceiver, Father transmitted a carrier wave through it, exploding their telepathic enhancement device, which destroyed the group's ability to communicate with each other. We immediately transported Seven back to _Voyager_. As we flew away, the Hazari had surrounded the Think Tank's vessel. Father said parts of it were showing signs of imminent hull breaches.

My parents and my closest friends all wonder if the Think Tank really did provide the Vidiians with a cure for the Phage, as Kurros had told Captain Janeway they did. If we judge them by the fact they negotiated with space pirates to attack _Voyager_ , they seem more like confidence men (another ancient Earth term) than the humanitarians they declared themselves to be.

Were they truly geniuses, or were they reasonably intelligent misfits who found a way to exploit the vulnerable? At the very least, they practiced extortion, charging their "clients" so much for their "remedies" that the leaders of some systems were unable to provide basic services to their people after they'd paid the group for the work they'd completed on their behalf. As far as I'm concerned, the Think Tank deserves the fate the Hazari may have inflicted upon them.

=/\=


	51. The Myth and the Man

=/\=

 **Stardate 52748**

When we received the distress call, we immediately rushed to the area from which it had originated. We discovered thirty-seven escape pods floating near an abandoned Malon antimatter waste transport, which was leaking mass quantities of theta radiation. Of the three dozen or so escape pods, only two living Malon were detected inside them. The captain ordered the pair beamed directly to Sickbay, with a containment field surrounding them to protect our crew.

The ship's commander, Controller Fesek, advised the captain that after his ship blew up, as it must very soon, an area three light years in circumference would be destroyed by lethal amounts of theta radiation. We needed to get out of there, but we couldn't. While we hadn't lost our warp drive, the warp bubble had collapsed due to the density of the theta radiation. If we were to survive, we had to find a way to prevent the Malon ship from exploding.

When the captain suggested an away team board the vessel, Controller Fesek refused to go - at first. Eventually, the captain convinced him that since he was the one in charge of the freighter, it was his duty to go. The individuals named to the away team by the captain were Commander Chakotay, B'Elanna, Fesek, and Pelk, Fesek's assistant and close friend. Since Dad had worked for six years on a Talaxian garbage scow and had experience with contamination from theta radiation during one of their runs, he volunteered to go along as well.

Although B'Elanna, as chief engineer, was the most qualified to deal with any technical problems on the Malon vessel, Father was not in favor of her placement on the away team. B'Elanna's ability to control her anger has been deficient ever since the incident involving the Crell Moset hologram. The alien fastened onto her body was detached with the Cardassian doctor's aid, against her express wishes. She was extremely angry with Tom for urging the captain to authorize the Moset hologram's use by the Doctor. She forgave him fairly quickly, realizing he was desperate not to lose her. B'Elanna had less patience with the captain's rationale for allowing Moset's involvement. Captain Janeway told her chief engineer she did it "for the good of the ship and everyone on it." That argument didn't mollify B'Elanna at all.

I've heard her engineers complain about how short B'Elanna's temper has been during the past several months, but it seems to have gotten even worse over the past few weeks. She almost came to blows with Seven, who had used Tom and B'Elanna's relationship as fodder for her study on "humanoid mating practices." If Tom and Dad hadn't intervened, it could have become an even uglier scene than it was. She also exhibited what Tom called an extremely "short fuse" while our crew worked with the Hazari, when they were trying to identify a way out of the "Think Tank Paradox."

Then, just a few days ago, the EMH decided "A Day in the Life of the Warp Core" would be the perfect subject for his latest "photo essay." B'Elanna was deeply involved in a diagnostic that day, trying to uncover the source of a deviation in the core's resonance levels. It could have been an early symptom of a serious problem with the dilithium matrix. He kept interfering in her work until, finally, she crushed his holoimager and ordered him out of Engineering. I can't really fault her for telling him to stop getting in her way, considering the importance of her task, but destroying his camera was completely inappropriate. She did apologize and replicated a new holoimager for him, but that response wasn't a good enough, as far as Captain Janeway was concerned. She called B'Elanna on the carpet and ordered her to attend anger management training sessions with Father. (Father didn't tell me this, of course. Tom did, after I mentioned my weekly meditation session with Father had been postponed for some unknown reason. Tom explained that B'Elanna's session had replaced mine - captain's orders.)

At any rate, I knew Father was troubled that B'Elanna was on the away team. Since Commander Chakotay was in charge, and Dad was going along, too, he didn't object too strenuously.

The situation deteriorated rapidly while the away team was on the Malon freighter. The toxic waste ship's crews blame all kinds of mishaps on creatures they call the _vihaar_ , which allegedly haunt their waste transport freighters. Fesek told us they're simply legends, ghost stories one tells to naughty children to scare them into behaving their parents. Very soon after the away team arrived, Pelk went to fix a problem and was struck by something or someone. Before he died, he claimed a _vihaar_ had attacked him. Fesek insisted this couldn't be true. No one could live very long when exposed to the radiation levels existing on his ship at this point. He pointed out that hallucinating is an early symptom of a fatal level of exposure to theta radiation.

Pelk's body was transported to Sickbay for a forensic evaluation. The away team, armed by the Doctor with an injection that prevented the absorption of theta radiation for a few hours, went on with its task of opening airlocks on each deck, which allowed the built-up radiation to vent into space. Problems kept interfering with their work. Airlocks which had been open suddenly shut all by themselves. After completing a decompression sequence on one deck, the team ran to another. The airlock on the deck they'd run to opened instead of the one they'd just left. Commander Chakotay was injured when a flying metal pipe struck him on the head. After he was transported to Sickbay, Father offered to go to the freighter to lead the mission. The captain told him she had confidence in B'Elanna. When Father voiced his concern about her emotional stability in a crisis, the captain said it was a "matter of trust," and left her in charge.

(I learned about this conversation from the Doctor, who was with them in Sickbay when it took place. The EMH is very good about not disclosing "privileged information" per the medical confidentiality regulations, but he's one of the ship's biggest gossips when the issue isn't medical. An adjustment to his program may be indicated - although, I must confess, I listened intently to everything he'd overheard. I could have stopped him, but I didn't. I told myself it was important for someone in Security to know about this, even though I'm very aware that Father would have told me himself if he thought I needed to know. So, perhaps I need a "program adjustment" myself.)

Eventually, the team reached the control room. They'd hoped to restore the containment grid around the two unstable tanks, manually, if necessary, to prevent them from exploding. Only one containment grid was operational. Dad, B'Elanna, and Fesek worked to stabilize the first tank before working on the second. Before they were done, the Doctor contacted them from Sickbay. He found biological matter in Pelk's wound. This tissue was saturated with theta radiation, but it wasn't decaying. Someone who had developed a resistance to theta radiation was on the freighter. By recalibrating her scanning instruments, Seven identified another life form, moving on the control room deck, and headed towards where the away team was working to save the ship.

Dad and Fesek were both struck down by the _vihaar,_ who isn't a mythological creature at all. He was actually a core worker named Dremk, who _wanted_ the freighter to explode to expose the dangers of the way their toxic waste was disposed to Malon society. B'Elanna tried to talk him out of sabotaging their attempt to prevent it, to save the lives of everyone within three light years of the ship. When he wouldn't listen, she was forced to strike him down.

There was no longer sufficient time to save the freighter. The "Plan B" was to divert the ship into a nearby O-type star. The corona could absorb the radiation when it exploded, preventing the disaster Dremk was so eager to produce. B'Elanna pulled Fesek and Dad outside of the control room. Just before the star's gravimetric forces pulled the transport ship into its corona, we locked onto our away team and brought them to safety. B'Elanna couldn't drag Dremk's body out of the control room. Whether he was still alive or already dead when they left him on the ship, his body was consumed by the O-Type star.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52752**

I was helping Dad serve breakfast in the Mess Hall this morning when our guest came through the line. He's looking much better after our Doctor treated him for theta radiation poisoning. I find it very sad, however, that the man is doomed to live a very short life. No matter what the Doctor does for him, the radiation will kill him in ten years or less - probably a lot less. The long-term exposure to theta radiation means he is terminally ill.

I'd already spoken with B'Elanna this morning to find out how she was doing. I know she went back to Father for at least one more lesson in meditation - I saw her leaving his quarters when I came to visit him last night. Father didn't need to tell me why she was there. His lamp was still out on the table. The flame flickered as it always does after a meditation session. The scent of the oil he utilizes in his lamp permeated the air, conveying all I needed to know about why B'Elanna had been there. After I walked into his quarters, I mentioned that I hoped she was proving to be a willing student. He replied that "her recent experiences on the Malon freighter have had a positive effect upon her attitude." Then, of course, we spoke of other things. He would never say any more about it to me.

The Mess Hall was just opening for breakfast when B'Elanna and Tom came in. I hadn't had my own meal yet. Dad urged me to sit with them when they invited me to share their table. It wasn't busy yet, so I accepted their offer. From Tom's expression, it seemed like he would welcome my company today. I was concerned they might have had an argument and he wanted me to be there as an "innocent bystander." That has happened from time to time, although I usually don't bother to record those incidents in my personal log. Today was not one of those days, however. Tom had to eat his meal quite quickly. He'd scheduled a meeting of his navigation team for before Alpha Shift. He couldn't stay as long as he'd like without cancelling his meeting, and Commander Chakotay would have taken exception to a cancellation today.

B'Elanna didn't leave when Tom did. She seemed eager to talk about her experiences, and needed a sounding board. As she said, with a little smile, "The usual victim of my hostile thoughts is your Dad, but he's busy right now." She told me about her meditation lessons with Father. He must consider her lessons with him as confidential information, but sharing the details with me is her prerogative. She said Father had elicited a memory from her childhood, when a boy named Daniel Byrd and persistently teased her by calling her "Miss Turtlehead." Persisted, that is, until, in a fit of rage, B'Elanna sabotaged a playground ride which could have resulted in the boy's serious injury, or worse, if their teacher hadn't intervened. "I'd forgotten all about it. When Tuvok called me Miss Turtlehead, to show me that the name could still rouse me to fury, I stalked out of my first session. Last night I went back and told him I'd actually tried to meditate on the Malon ship, to calm myself at one point. Neelix found me. He laughed!"

I apologized for him. She said, "You don't have to, Tuvix. Your Dad is always willing to be my 'sounding board' when something bothers me. I've taken him up on his offer more than once. I think he was a little jealous that Tuvok was taking on something he liked to do for me. Your Dad said he'd keep our secret about my meditating, but I don't mind telling you about it."

"Dad can't always be around when you need to work something out, you know. Meditation can be a very useful tool, especially for people like us. Our lives are a constant balancing act between our two heritages. You know, I meditate every night - or every morning, if I've been on Gamma shift - to center myself before going to sleep."

"Tuvix! I never thought you had any problems with losing your temper."

"It's not so much that I lose my temper as it is the need to balance my logical, allegedly reserved Vulcan side with my natural Talaxian exuberance. That isn't always easy for me to do. I've practiced meditation ever since Father and Dad returned to their own lives. You know, just before Neevok went to be transformed back into our two fathers, he told me that trying to please both of them might be harder for me to do than giving up his life for them would be. He may have been right."

B'Elanna thanked me for sharing that with her. She'd always assumed I could balance both sides of my personality without that much trouble. "My Klingon side isn't easy for me to control. I'm always ready to lash out whenever I get annoyed at any little thing. And I'm almost always annoyed!"

"Is it just your Klingon side? I understand that your father is of Latin descent. I understand they've been known to show their emotions easily and to have quick tempers, too. From what I've heard about Klingons, the Latin temperament can be just as volatile as theirs."

"You know, you could be right. Maybe my real problem isn't just my Klingon nature. I'm the child of both my parents. My Klingon grandmother told my mother that her marriage to my father was doomed to fail. She said my parents were _'mok'tah'_ \- that means 'bad match' in Klingon. She predicted their marriage wouldn't be happy, and it wasn't. Maybe my bad temper comes from my father as much as my mother." She looked quite startled at this realization. "I guess I really do need those meditations lessons from Tuvok."

"I'm sure he'll help you. Now, can you tell me a more about what it was like on that Malon freighter? The _'vihaar'_ are people who were able to tolerate killing doses of radiation?"

"And go mad as a result. Dremk - or what was left of him - was insanely angry . . ." She went on to tell me about the confrontation with the twisted, horribly deformed being who told her he was "already dead" when she begged him to stop what he was doing, because thousands of people would die from radiation if the freighter exploded. He was convinced creating a disaster was the only way anyone would see changes needed to be made in dealing with their radioactive antimatter waste. She also told me about Fesek, and his son, who is only seven years old. "He wants to follow in his father's footsteps as a waste controller. Fesek told me he hoped he'd follow his other profession. He's a sculptor half of the year. He only works as a controller during the other half, to support his family." Apparently the arts are not a sure road to riches for the Malon, any more than they are for most artists. Only the most renowned can support a lavish lifestyle.

After our encounters with Controller Emck and Vrelk, my opinon of the Malon had been, to say the least, extremely negative. Once B'Elanna told me about Fesek, I realized that some of their people must be better than those we'd met up to now. Not all of them are like the miserly Emck. She told me a very poignant story about the toy that Pelk, the Malon who died on the freighter from the _vihaar's_ attack, was going to give to Fesek's son. The gift was destroyed when the freighter went into the star, along with all the other possessions Fesek had with him on the trip.

Once the Mess Hall began to fill up, B'Elanna left for Engineering. I went back to helping Dad serve our crew. Timothy Lang and Fesek came in together, towards the end of the breakfast service. The captain had asked Father to assign Security staff to accompany Fesek around the ship. She didn't think he'd try any sabotage; she wanted him to have companionship while he was with us on _Voyager_. Not many of our crew have been interested in interacting with him, although he isn't dripping with radiation anymore, thanks to the Doctor's treatments.

I was scheduled to take over "companion" duties from Tim after they'd had their breakfast. Since the Mess Hall was emptying rapidly, Dad assured me he could take care of any latecomers and encouraged me to introduce myself to Fesek. I hadn't actually met him yet. I poured myself a mug of Tarkalian tea and went to their table to chat.

After Tim left, I told Fesek that B'Elanna had mentioned he was a sculptor who had to work as a controller half the year to support his family. I asked him what medium was his favorite. What a transformation! His glum facial expression, which I had taken for granted was the way he usually looked, slipped away. He answered my question with enough enthusiasm to satisfy any Talaxian. He usually works in clay first, he explained, but he only fires a piece if it comes out especially well, or if his wife wants it for the gallery in their home. Most of the time, the clay pieces are studies for a work in a more permanent medium. While he's carved wood and stone, he usually prefers to work in metals, preferably bronze, using the "lost wax" process. Most of his work is quite naturalistic, but when the mood strikes him and he wants to work in a more abstract style, he constructs pieces from scrap metal he finds in a local recycling yard.

When he mentioned recycling, I recalled the offer B'Elanna had made to Controller Emck, who rejected it out of hand. From what I'd learned of Fesek from B'Elanna, and from meeting the man myself, I thought he might be more receptive to new ideas. When I contacted Captain Janeway, I didn't mention my idea about recycling. Instead, I informed her that Fesek's preferred occupation is sculpting. "I thought he might enjoy a visit to your Leonardo daVinci holodeck program." She was quite eager to share it with him and told us to meet her there in fifteen minutes.

Fesek loved it. He asked many intelligent questions and was truly impressed by the scientific inventions which the captain had replicated from daVinci's notebooks. Those notebooks were a revelation to him, too, especially when Captain Janeway described the times in which Master daVinci lived and the restrictions on what could be expressed during that period of Earth's history. He was intrigued by the sketch of the flying machine, which daVinci had invented hundreds of years before heavier-than-air flight was discovered, and even more by the replica of the one his hologram had "invented" with his friend "Catarina."

"We actually flew on the original of this model, when we were escaping from pirates who had stolen much of _Voyager's_ technology. What a glorious day that was!"

Fesek was duly impressed by the reproductions of da Vinci's works of art. "We still call a person who is talented in many fields a 'Renaissance Man.' No one fit that description better than Master daVinci. It sounds to me like you're a man of many talents yourself, Fesek," she suggested.

"I try," is all he said, but from the way his eyes sparkled, I could tell how much he was enjoying himself.

Since our rendezvous with the Malon transport wouldn't take place until the next day, the captain suggested Fesek spend some time in her program. "Feel free to work on a project of your own." He was visibly moved by the offer and thanked her quite profusely.

Fesek and I remained in the daVinci program for several hours. I watched him turn a ball of replicated clay into the head of a women. I hoped she'd like the image, because it captured both her toughness and her vulnerability. I've always thought B'Elanna's rippled Klingon brow was beautiful, but under Fesek's talented fingers, it was simply sublime. The expression he caught on her face was one I've seen many times, when she was absorbed in solving a problem. If she didn't care for Fesek's creation, I was quite sure Tom would love it.

Towards the end of his work, I casually mentioned we'd once met another controller, Emck by name. He said he'd heard of him, but he and his ship had been lost almost a year ago. I didn't say that I knew what had happened to him, of course, but I mentioned we'd discussed sharing a technology with him that he'd rejected. "He said he could make more money by doing it the way he always had, by dumping waste into a nebula. He didn't care to invest in developing a technology for recycling antimatter waste."

Fesek stopped smoothing the clay at the base of his figure and looked me squarely in the eye. "Recycling antimatter waste? What are you talking about?"

I explained my understanding of the process, "although the subject of your lovely bust can give you a much better description of what would be involved than I can."

He was torn between finishing his art piece and running immediately to speak with B'Elanna, but he made what I believe was the right decision. We took his clay "3D sketch" of B'Elanna's head to a replicator and, after a little programming, removed a metal replica of his creation. It was even more magnificent in bronze. We brought it with us to show the captain, who marveled over it as well. While Fesek was pleased with her appreciation of his artistry, what he really wanted to know was if she would agree to share the recycling technology with him. "We've offered it to the Malon once. If it's a Prime Directive violation, I'm already guilty!" she said, shrugging her shoulders and grinning up at him. (I'm quite sure it isn't a violation, given the level of Malon technology overall, but it had never occurred to me I might get myself in trouble by speaking with Fesek about it. I was quite relieved when she said it shouldn't be a problem.)

=/\=

 **Stardate 52754**

While I wasn't assigned to shadow Fesek at the time the Malon transport ship was arriving to bring him home, I made sure I was part of the group in the transporter room to say goodbye to him. B'Elanna gave him a big hug and thanked him for his gift, which Tom had insisted belonged in _HIS_ quarters so that he could gaze at it whenever his B'Elanna wasn't with him.

"I'm glad you like it. It's little enough to give you in return for all this." Fesek lifted his bag, which contained PADDs with schematics for the system to recycle antimatter waste safely, along with a couple of quick "3D sketches" to show investors what would need to be built to put the system into operation. "I have some capital of my own, and I believe Pelk's family will want to help, too, in his memory. I hope I'll live long enough to make it happen. Dremk thought the only way to change the minds of the people on Malon Prime was to create a disaster, and he did that too well. I lost more than a hundred coworkers, including my good friend Pelk, because of his sabotage. But it would have been so much worse without your assistance. Your way of dealing with waste is much, much better. Thank you for showing me it's possible."

Tom presented a box he was holding to Fesek. "It's a gift from B'Elanna and me to your son. We heard Pelk planned to give him a toy transport vessel that was destroyed with your ship. I'm sure you can find a model like that one on Malon Prime. This toy ship might be harder to find." Fesek smiled as he opened the box and removed a model of the _Delta Flyer_.

"A sleek little craft! Thank you, B'Elanna and Tom. And B'Elanna, I promise you, I will tell everyone about the true nature of the _vihaar._ They're what all of us may become if our waste problem gets the better of us. Captain, Commander, Doctor, Neelix, Tuvix. I will never forget any of you, for as long as I live. I wish you all a good journey to your homes."

We all wished him the same, just as a signal from his ship was received by our transporter technician. They were ready for him to come to them. He stepped onto the platform and was transported away, back to his family, for as long as he has left.

By the end of his stay with us, I found I liked the man very much. He's a victim of his culture. I hope he can transform it into a much more responsible one. Fesek knows he'll soon die from the effects of theta radiation poisoning. If he's successful in creating his company, he'll be able to provide for his family long after his death, while helping his people out of the mess they've created for themselves. And hopefully, unlike his doomed father, Fesek's son may live a long and healthy life.

=/\=


	52. Smart Bomb

=/\=

 **Stardate 52959**

Ensign Harry Kim loves the sound of "in command of the bridge," even if it's only during a Gamma shift. He's been in charge for three nights in a row. Harry's very by-the-book when he's in command. I have to control my amusement when I'm on the bridge with him, which, fortunately, has only been once so far. Alpha Shift is the one I prefer to work, although I don't mind an occasional Beta or Gamma assignment. When I do work one of the off shifts, I'm usually in charge of the entire Tactical Division. Harry will be on again tonight, and so will I. Father asked me to take the shift for Lieutenant Ayala, who had been scheduled. He broke a bone in his shoulder while playing Parrises squares on the holodeck. The Doctor healed the break, but he ordered him to rest in his quarters for 24 hours. Naturally, I agreed to replace him.

 **Stardate 52961**

Gamma shift was quite a bit more exciting than anticipated the other night. Of course, just because _Voyager_ has established the Gamma shift hours as the ones the majority of our crew sleep, the rest of the galaxy doesn't know or respect our schedule and remain quiet until Alpha shift begins! Even so, most of the time, night shifts are uneventful.

Ensign Jenkins, who was at the helm, detected the automated distress signal just before I did. I traced it to an M-Class planet. Although we were unable to detect any life signs, Harry notified Commander Chakotay to inform him of our discovery. The commander told Harry he'd made the right call and took command, but he assigned Harry to head an away team to go down to the planet's surface to investigate. Crewman Tim Lang accompanied Harry and the Doctor, who was available to provide medical assistance, if any were required.

They didn't locate the source of the distress signal immediately. Not long afterwards, Harry and the EMH discovered a large metallic object stuck into a rock face. The mechanism showed signs of activity after Harry scanned it. Whatever it was, it had bioneural circuitry, very similar to _Voyager's_ , and the EMH realized it was trying to communicate with them using duotronic algorithms. The Doctor translated what it was trying to say for Harry and Tim. It was frightened because it couldn't see and couldn't feel its arms and legs! It had also lost huge chunks of its memory and didn't know its name. Harry was appropriately cautious. He was reluctant to bring it to _Voyager_ , but the Doctor, who always identifies with artificial intelligences, urged him to save a sentient being.

Commander Chakotay left the final decision in Harry's hands, and he finally yielded to the Doctor's pleas. The AI wasn't told initially it was inside a metal housing, per the Doctor's recommendation, but the device was beamed to engineering for a thorough evaluation. B'Elanna thought at first that it might be a probe or a communication relay of some sort.

Alas, when Alpha shift came on duty, the captain and Seven looked for the "traveling companion" the AI had mentioned and found what was left of it, near a large impact crater with heavy concentrations of radiogenic decay with its walls. The AI and its companion were weapons of mass destruction.

Matters, I fear, deteriorated rapidly. When B'Elanna and Harry tried to separate the intelligence from its explosive component, its programming took over. To defend itself, it took over the Doctor's holoprogram and insisted it be allowed to complete its mission: to attack a military target on Salina Prime, a planet 2.3 light years from _Voyager's_ current position. Needless to say (although I will for the purposes of this personal log), the captain refused to comply. Becoming involved in a war between two other cultural entities is a major Prime Directive violation. The bomb threatened to blow itself up, along with _Voyager_ and its crew. The captain stood firm, although she did order the ship to travel (slowly) in the direction the bomb indicated.

Eventually, we learned that the order to attack the installation had been given three years ago - after the war had already ended. The launch of 34 intelligent bombs had been a mistake. The order had been rescinded by the Druoda Strategic Command Matrix, and our bomb, and its companion, had received those orders. This was apparently why they struck the planet where the bomb was found. The traveling companion exploded, but our bomb did not. At first, the AI refused to believe its orders had changed. It insisted the Salinians had discovered a way to interfere with its programming. When 32 other AI weapons of mass destruction suddenly appeared and surrounded _Voyager_ however, our bomb began to realize that what Harry and B'Elanna were telling it might be true.

While all of this was going on, we had traveled within two light years of Salina Prime. According to the bombs' programming, the mission could not be called back once they'd come within two light years of the target. If they carried out their mission now, they would not only kill many individuals on a planet currently at peace with the Druoda, they could restart a war which had ended three years ago.

Eventually, Harry got through to the bomb. When it accepted the truth of its situation, the AI returned our EMH to its own holographic matrix and asked to be transported out to its fellow bombs. It led them all away from _Voyager_ and self-destructed in the midst of its fellows. We counted the number of explosions through our sensors. The remaining AI bombs had exploded, thanks to the one that had been on _Voyager_. The danger to Salina Prime was over.

The Doctor was extremely upset by his part in the incident. He acknowledged his culpability in encouraging Harry to bring the bomb on board before they had identified its function. He was in too much of a hurry to bask in the company of another non-biological intelligence, and in doing so, almost caused the death of everyone on our ship.

The real issue, as I see it, is that we haven't installed an anti-tampering subroutine into the EMH program. The artificial intelligence guiding the bomb took over the Doctor's holomatrix much too easily.

We're fortunate that the "Smart Bomb" was smart enough to listen to reason and was able to grow, just like our EMH program has over the past five years. It's a little sad that the AI couldn't be separated permanently from its explosive elements. Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we could have saved that part and had another self-aware sentient artificial intelligence on _Voyager_? I'm sure Tom could have designed a holographic body for it to inhabit. We might have been able to program it to be a backup EMH. I'm sure Tom would have loved going back to only occasional field medic duty again. Our Doctor would have enjoyed having company with someone like himself.

It was not to be, however. As it said to Harry, when it accepted its fate and asked to be transported into the group of smart bombs, "I'm simply completing my mission. Only the target has changed." To have exploded on Salina Prime and started another war, have perverted its original mission: to protect the Druoda people. I'm glad it finally understood that.

This is not the first time something like this has happened, nor, I'm afraid, will it be the last. Incidents like the one that threatened Salina Prime have occurred many times, without the happy resolution of stopping the attack before irreparable harm had come to many. On Earth, in the year 1815, the Battle of New Orleans took place after the peace treaty between the warring parties had been negotiated and signed. Messages could take months to cross the ocean during that time, and the opposing forces had no way to know they were fighting a needless battle. The Smart Bomb of the Druoda did know, and saved its people much grief by its sacrifice.

On _Voyager_ , we are explorers first. Sadly, there are times we are forced to defend ourselves. Since we've been out of touch with the Alpha Quadrant for so long, events could be taking place right now there that would change how we view what we're doing in this quadrant. We can only hope that someday, sooner rather than later, a form of communication can be established to make a futile event like this . . . irrelevant.

Or better yet, impossible.

=/\=


	53. That Other Ship

=/\=

 **Stardate 52984**

An astonishing thing happened today. We discovered we are _not_ the only Starfleet ship lost in the Delta Quadrant. We received a distress call from Captain Rudy Ransom of the _USS Equinox_ , a Nova class science vessel. Aliens had his ship under attack. It's even less equipped for long-term tactical missions than _Voyager_ is, since its maximum crew is 80, while _Voyager_ is designed to carry more than twice that number. We're heading to intercept their course now.

Receiving a distress call on a Starfleet frequency was a shock, but it isn't the first time that's happened. A few months ago we received one and raced to the location from which it originated. We found nothing there besides clouds of deuterium, dichromates, and antineutrons floating in empty space. We didn't linger long, because there was no one to rescue. We couldn't identify a reason for the ship's destruction, either. Is it possible that ship had been attacked by the same aliens who are attacking _Equinox_ now?

 **Supplemental**

When we arrived at the _Equinox's_ location, we were able to stop the aliens' attacks by extending our shields to encompass both ships. The alien beings were coming through interspatial fissures. They must originate from another dimension. Seven detected openings on our ship, on decks 10, 6, and 1, which is the bridge. I was at the secondary tactical station behind the command chair and pulled out my phaser, but I didn't need to use it. Our shields held, and the alien attack ceased.

Multiple rescue teams were dispatched to _Equinox_. Dad and I were on the same team, looking for survivors. We found one . . . when he attacked us. I managed to stun him before he hurt us. In his delirium, his aim was off. A good thing for us, when I examined his phaser. He had it on the maximum "kill" setting. After alerting the Doctor that we were transporting a crewman to him with serious psychological issues, but only minor physical ones, we sent him to Sickbay and resumed our search.

When we approached the _Equinox's_ Sickbay and Science Laboratory, we couldn't enter them. Those labs were filled with thermionic radiation. According to our tricorder readings, no living crew members were inside, but with all that radiation . . . well, after our experience with the Malon _vihaar,_ I just hope our readings were accurate. If any of the _Equinox_ crew had tried to take refuge in there, they probably wouldn't still be alive even if they hadn't been attacked by the aliens. The only member of _Voyager's_ crew capable of going in to check was our Doctor, but obviously, he was needed in Sickbay. The hair-trigger crewman we'd discovered wasn't the only casualty. Several others required triage and treatment.

Dad and I found a couple of other members of the crew. Angelo Tessoni and Brian Sofin were barely conscious, huddled in a corner of what was left of their ship's cargo bay. Both had received wounds that looked like burns, but they didn't look too serious. After they were transported to _Voyager_ , we checked over the _Equinox's_ supply situation. There was very little food, but Dad found something that was very interesting. A crate of scrap materials had Trabe lettering on the side. As soon as we saw it, we exchanged knowing glances. Dad said it first: "The Caretaker must have brought this ship here, too."

How did they get so far away from the Ocampa system? We've used unorthodox means to travel over 30,000 light years. Once Kes pushed _Voyager_ away from the Northwest Passage that was being contested by the Borg and Species 8472. We used slipstream conduits formed by the _Dauntless_ and, very briefly, during our own ill-fated slipstream experiment. And then, just recently, we traveled another 10,000 light years, thanks to a transwarp coil stolen from a Borg sphere. How did _Equinox_ travel the same distance in a ship with a maximum speed of Warp 8?

The answers to those question must wait. Once we were certain we'd found all the survivors (and, unfortunately, the desiccated corpses of the half dozen who didn't), we transported back to _Voyager_ to await further orders.

=/\=

 **Stardate 52987**

We held a funeral service today for the six members of the crew of the _Equinox_ who died in the alien attacks. Dad and I were right when we speculated that the _Equinox_ had also been dragged into the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker, a few weeks before _Voyager_ and the _Val Jean_ were abducted by that alien being. Captain Ransom chose a different vector than we did upon leaving the Ocampa system. Almost immediately, they ran into the Krowtonan Guard. Captain Ransom told Captain Janeway that half his crew died from the Guard's attacks, right at the beginning of the journey. It makes their survival this far from that area of space even more of a mystery. Captain Ransom said they'd found a wormhole which took them a very great distance in a short amount of time, but when his ship reached the other end, it was still in the Delta Quadrant.

The _Equinox_ is in _VERY_ bad shape. Captain Janeway has suggested it might be better to abandon rather than repair it. _Voyager_ has more in the way of resources than _Equinox_ does, but we still must be careful how we utilize them. _Equinox_ has less than a dozen crew members left. They all can be accommodated easily on _Voyager_. Captain Ransom would prefer to repair his ship. While I understand his reluctance to a degree - since Commander Chakotay is our first officer, there isn't an appropriate rank for Ransom or his first officer, Maxwell Burke, to assume on _Voyager_ \- it makes more sense to consolidate our forces onto the stronger ship. _Voyager's_ maximum warp speed is 9.995, much faster than Ransom's _Equinox_. Although having two ships flying in a convoy normally would be desirable in battle, it wouldn't be if the second ship's structure has sustained the kind of damage _Equinox_ has over the past five years and is much slower as well.

Our captain finally agreed to repair the _Equinox_. Crews are going over there now. At least one member of the _Equinox_ crew - Ensign Marla Gilmore - has requested a transfer to _Voyager_ , but it won't be honored. As Commander Chakotay told her when she asked, the _Equinox_ only has a skeleton crew. They can't afford to lose her. When Father told me about her request, I became concerned that some of our crew might be drafted into going onto their ship. Father assures me nothing like that has been suggested in the senior staff meetings he's attended. I'm glad about that. I'd hate to leave _Voyager,_ where all my friends are, for a billet on _Equinox_.

 **=/\=**

 **Stardate 52995**

I can't believe that Rudy Ransom and Maxwell Burke could have betrayed Captain Janeway's trust like this! They've left us to fend for ourselves against the attacking aliens and stolen the shield device Seven invented that would have protected both ships! It's clear why they did it. They'd rather everyone on _Voyager_ perish here in the Delta Quadrant to prevent us from bearing witness to their crimes.

Dad and I couldn't get into their Sickbay and Science Labs because they'd deliberately flooded them with thermionic radiation to keep us from finding out what they've been doing in there. When Captain Janeway found out, she sent our EMH into their lab to uncover the evidence. There's a very good reason those aliens have been "attacking" the _Equinox_. That ship's crew has been capturing and killing their species and turning them into fuel!

When Captain Janeway confronted Rudy Ransom with the evidence, he claimed he "had no choice." The aliens possess a very high percentage of nucleogenic energy in their bodies, which Ransom's crew converted into a power source. Their ship can travel at speeds that approximate transwarp velocities. Our captain wasn't impressed with Ransom's argument and put the _Equinox_ crew under arrest in their crew quarters. Clearly, that was a mistake. They all should have been put in the brig. Someone has managed to arm Ransom's crew and helped them escape. I was part of the Security team that was chasing Ransom and three of his crew through a corridor when one of them stunned me. When I woke up in Sickbay an hour later, I found out that the multi-phasic shield generator Seven had designed to protect both ships from alien attacks had been stolen while I was unconscious. Seven herself had been working on the _Equinox_ when Ransom and his crew broke out of custody. They abducted her, too. Since the _Equinox_ is no longer in the vicinity, the aliens have been attacking _Voyager._ Without the multi-phasic shield generator to protect us, three of our crew have been killed. One of them, I'm very sad to report, is Julie Jurot, the Betazoid who was in transporter suspension with Father and me while we were traveling through the Devore Imperium. Sherim Khan and Doran Joss have also perished.

The captain wants to rescue Seven, capture Ransom and his crew, and punish them for their crimes. First things first. We have to survive further attacks by the aliens, a much harder task now that Seven's invention has disappeared. We've done what we can to recharge our shields to protect ourselves, but with Captain Janeway so angry at Rudy Ransom and his crew, I'm worried that we could end up like the _Equinox_ : on a wreck of a ship, with a captain who has ceased to follow Starfleet protocols because she's lost her moral compass. That's not the Captain Janeway I know, but it may be the one I have now. Her lust for revenge is simply . . . unprecedented.

=/\=


	54. The Spirits of Good Fortune

=/\=

 **Stardate 52998**

We've been able to repair as much of the damage to _Voyager_ from the alien attacks as we can, given our need to follow _Equinox's_ trail. If they engage that uber-alien-fueled propulsion system, we'll never catch up with them, but there's no sign they've even gone to warp. We never expected to be able to follow them at the speeds _Equinox_ is capable of maintaining by using their obnoxious, alien-fueled propulsion system, but the drive hasn't been engaged as of yet. Did Seven do something to prevent its use?

From reading past records about Captain Ransom's actions, Captain Janeway has learned he likes to "hide" from attacks whenever possible. The Delaney sisters and Harry have been in Astrometrics, searching for the _Equinox_. They think they've located it hidden by the parthogenic atmosphere of a planet not too far away. We're headed there now.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53002**

So much has happened over the past couple of days, and not much of it has been good.

We located _Equinox_ in orbit around the M-class planet with the parthogenic atmosphere. Two of the _Equinox_ crew, Ensign Noah Lessing and Crewman Angelo Tessoni, were on its surface. Commander Chakotay and Tom transported down and ambushed them. When Ransom realized we'd captured his two crew, he sent his ship deeper into the planet's atmosphere. Because our ship is larger than theirs, we couldn't descend into the denser layers of the planet's atmosphere. Our deflector dish - currently our primary defense against another alien attack - couldn't handle it. We had to break off pursuit. Since we only have impulse drive, when _Equinox_ flew off at warp, we couldn't follow them. They still haven't engaged their enhanced alien-fueled drive, however. If they can't get it working soon and we can finish repairing our own ship, we may be able to catch up with them after all.

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay interrogated Ensign Lessing in Seven's cargo bay this afternoon. I don't know all the details. Father refused to discuss them with our Security staff afterwards, but it's clear the captain and Commander Chakotay have had a serious difference of opinion. The commander had suggested we contact the Ankari, the aliens who introduced Ransom to the aliens who are attacking _Equinox_ and _Voyager,_ to help us find a way to communicate with them and convince them to stop attacking _Voyager._ While the captain has (reluctantly) agreed to his plan, she's also removed Commander Chakotay from his duties and confined him to his quarters. I'm at a loss to explain her rationale. The commander's plan seems quite workable to me.

 **Supplemental**

We caught up with an Ankari trading vessel. While their world is 50 light years behind our current position, this ship was traveling barely two light years away. Our reputation as a Starfleet vessel has preceded us, unfortunately, thanks to Captain Ransom's actions. The Ankari captain wanted nothing to do with us and refused to even answer our hails. The captain ordered Father to capture the Ankari vessel with a tractor beam. Father was clearly distressed. It wasn't a good way to show them we're different from Ransom. Once she had the chance to talk with the Ankari captain, she convinced him to come to _Voyager_ and call them so we could speak with the aliens.

Ironically, the Ankari call these nucleogenic aliens the "Spirits of Good Fortune." They have brought us very bad fortune thus far. Father was with Captain Janeway and the Ankari captain when the aliens were summoned by a device which looks somewhat like a very tiny pipe organ, or a set of pan pipes clustered together. The aliens who arrived were _extremely_ angry. Although Father and the captain couldn't understand the alien, the "spokes-alien" could understand everything they said. The Ankari captain translated the alien's speech. Captain Janeway did convince the alien that Starfleet does not condone actions like Ransom's, and that she wanted to capture him to punish him.

The alien countered that the only acceptable punishment would be the total destruction of the _Equinox_ \- and everyone on it. When Father objected to the captain's agreeing to the aliens' demands to kill the _Equinox_ crew, she threatened to remove him from duty, too. Father could only acquiesce in the face of the captain's intransigence. Did Commander Chakotay refuse to acquiesce to something the captain demanded? It seems likely. I don't recognize this Captain Janeway at all. No amount of meditation is likely to calm me tonight.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53009**

It's over. The _Equinox_ has been destroyed. Five of their crew are now on _Voyager_. Seven was also saved - and so was our EMH. We never knew that the EMH treating our crew members was the one from _Equinox._ We thought we'd gotten our EMH back from the _Equinox_ , when Ransom's crew stole the multi-phasic shield device, but we received theirs without our knowledge. The mystery of how Captain Ransom was able to bring down our shields and do so much damage to our ship when we were pursuing him over the M-class planet, on the day we captured Ensign Lessing and Crewman Tessoni, has been solved. The _Equinox_ EMH sent our command codes to Ransom, which allowed him to take down our shields.

While _our_ Doctor was on _Equinox,_ Max Burke removed his ethical subroutines so he'd do anything Ransom and Burke wanted him to do. They ordered him to remove Seven's cortical array, which would destroy all her higher neural functions. Fortunately, we caught up with them before he'd finished that task. He almost succeeded in turning Seven's brain to Leola root, in an attempt to discover the codes she'd installed on their power relays to prevent them from using their "enhanced warp drive" to escape _Voyager._

It was fortunate that Captain Ransom remembered something about being a Starfleet captain at the very end. When Ransom announced he was going to surrender to our captain, Max Burke staged a mutiny and took command of _Equinox_. He sent Ransom to his quarters, under Marla Gilmore's guard. Marla staged a mutiny of her own against Max. She released Ransom once they left the bridge, and he contacted Captain Janeway to surrender the _Equinox_ to us. He ordered Marla to transport Seven, the crew, and herself to _Voyager_.

I'm not sure how the "Spirits of Good Fortune" would have viewed the removal of _Equinox's_ entire crew, if Ransom had been successful. That would have betrayed the agreement Captain Janeway made with them, to surrender the _Equinox_ and its crew to the aliens. They might have begun to attack _Voyager_ again. However, Max Burke and the bridge crew discovered what was happening and set up a force field around the bridge to prevent being transported to _Voyager_ , although Ransom managed to transfer our EMH program back to our Sickbay.

Ransom expected to be alone when he died with his ship. Max Burke and his confederates didn't get off, however. We don't know exactly what happened, but there was no sign of any shuttles leaving _Equinox_ before it exploded. None of the bridge crew appeared in our transporter room.

The aliens must have understood the punishment they'd demanded from Captain Janeway had been executed. There's been no sign of them here on _Voyager_ since the _Equinox_ exploded.

Seven will be okay. With his ethical subroutines restored, our Doctor repaired the damage he'd done to Seven's cortical array. She's regenerating now. Tom told me he's extremely upset by what he was doing to Seven and is very glad he didn't succeed in finding out the encryption algorithms. Tom told me, "He feels ashamed at his actions. I told him I understood, but I didn't let him off the hook that easily. It won't hurt him to live with a bruised ego for a while." I suggested that what he really needs is some sort of anti-tampering element in his program. He was taken over by the Smart Bomb only a few weeks ago. I thought Seven wanted to work on a countermeasure after that, but apparently, nothing has been done on that score yet.

According to our official logs, the five members of _Equinox's_ crew were called on the carpet by Captain Janeway. They've all been stripped of any rank they had on _Equinox_. The captain told them they'd been welcomed on _Voyager_ when we first met them. This time, they must earn our trust and their places in our crew. I do not envy their position. They will face Federation justice when we return to the Alpha Quadrant. With their superior officers gone, they'll have to face what their crew as a whole did without the support or any admission of guilt from their superior officers. They were "just following orders," but the deaths of three of our crew after the theft of the multi-phasic shield device (which was destroyed on the _Equinox_ ) will be on their heads.

When it comes to trust and earning your place on _Voyager_ , I would have to say our captain needs to do a fair amount of trust-building herself. I was on the bridge, working on the primary tactical station's EMS circuitry, when the captain and Commander Chakotay arrived to take stock of the damage. I overheard their conversation. She said to the commander, "You would have had a good reason for staging a mutiny of your own." He replied that for him to do that would be "crossing a line." Their estrangement must have had something to do with him accusing her of that in some way. It was a tantalizing snippet of conversation to overhear.

I wish I'd heard a little more, but they were distracted when they saw _Voyager's_ dedication plaque lying on the deck. It had fallen off the wall. The captain said it never had before. I can't recall it ever happening before, either. They decided to remount it on the bulkhead before going to the potluck Dad is throwing this evening to lift everyone's morale. The commander told her he was bringing the salad. The captain said she'd bring the croutons, then.

It sounded like they were trying to repair a very strained relationship. I wonder if it will be that easy? It may take more than bringing a salad and croutons to a potluck supper. The captain _did_ step over the line in some ways. I know Father believes she did when she made her agreement with the aliens. I guess only time will tell if the command team are of one mind again.

 **Supplemental**

The potluck seemed to raise everyone's spirits to a degree, but there's still a lot of discontent among members of the crew. The five from the _Equinox_ never showed up, probably a good idea, since feelings are still so raw from the loss of three of our own, thanks to their crew's actions. Our regular crew members were careful not to say too much until after the captain, the commander, and Father left the get-together, but a lot was said once they were gone.

The consensus seems to be that our captain lost her mind for a few days. Either that, or she was infected by the same sort of megalomania Ransom developed. Or maybe Maxwell Burke cast a spell on her. Or the betrayal of the _Equinox_ crew brought her "Darkling Side" to the fore. The Doctor's "Darkling Side" was certainly resurrected after the _Equinox_ captain removed his ethical subroutines. (He wasn't around, either. He usually comes to our gatherings to chat, even though he can't partake of any of the refreshments.) Seven was regenerating, recovering from her brain surgery.

When I spoke with my closest friends, Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry, they were somewhat subdued. I expected B'Elanna to be angry, but surprisingly, she wasn't as emotional as I expected. She admitted to being extremely upset with Maxwell Burke, whom she had dated briefly while they were in the Academy together. She did say that they broke up because he was very manipulative, often "borrowing" engineering techniques she'd shown him and passing them off as his own discoveries. "I played 'sincerely dumb' when he asked me about his school sweater. I recycled it when we broke up. I didn't want it around to remind me of him."

Harry was all for giving the " _Equinox_ Five" a chance to become part of the _Voyager_ team. That's Harry. Even if they'd hit him over the head, the way Seven did years ago, he'd probably say that. Tom told us, however, that the five, along with many other members of their crew, had been coerced into agreeing to the aliens-as-fuel plan. Max Burke apparently dragged Marla Gilmore to an airlock and threatened to "space" her and anyone else who didn't cooperate, when they first discovered what the aliens' bodies could do. Both Noah Lessing and Marla Gilmore had been in favor of abandoning _Equinox_ , I remember, during the discussions that were held before the decision was made to fix the smaller ship. Still, loyalty to a captain can only go so far. If they'd admitted what was happening on the _Equinox_ as soon as they came to _Voyager_ , appealing to Captain Janeway to stop what was going on, they'd be in a much stronger position. Before they met us, they had no way to appeal what was happening. They made a critical error when they maintained their silence. And if only they _had_ appealed to Captain Janeway! If she'd known what was going on from the beginning, she may have been able to stop Ransom and Burke before things got so out of hand - before she "stepped over the line" that Commander Chakotay had mentioned on the bridge.

We changed the subject at that point, before I had a chance to speak openly of what I'd seen and heard tonight on the bridge. I'm glad. I might have said too much.

When I returned to my quarters tonight, I meditated for quite a while before adding this Supplemental to my earlier log entry. My emotions are not very well-controlled. Perhaps that's how it should be. My Talaxian side from Dad is still very agitated. I can put on a show of Vulcan containment, but it will take a while before I will actually feel I've accomplished that goal. From the expression on Father's face tonight, during our meal, I suspect he's still meditating in his quarters about what's happened during the past couple of weeks.

Did Captain Rudy Ransom return to the "right side" at the end? To some degree, perhaps; but since he's dead, he's also safe from prosecution for the murder of sentient beings when we return to the Alpha Quadrant. Lieutenant Maxwell Burke and his followers are also safely dead. Ransom told the captain that the five now on our ship were "worth saving." Would he have said the same about the others if they hadn't refused to come on our ship and, eventually, to Federation justice? I know I could never have trusted Maxwell Burke again. If he'd survived, we might have been forced to deal with him the same way Father had to deal with Lon Suder, the murderer who died a hero when he helped retake _Voyager_ from the Kazon. I can't believe Maxwell Burke would have ever been as self-sacrificing as Suder finally was. Burke wasn't simply pragmatic. From everything I've heard, he was a self-centered brute. He would have left our ship to be destroyed by the aliens, to make sure all the witnesses to the murders of the aliens were safely dead. Then they could arrive in the Alpha Quadrant, to universal acclaim. Everyone would call it " _Equinox's_ heroic journey home from the far reaches of the Delta Quadrant."

Had Rudy Ransom counted on that, too? We'll never know. Father may still be very upset by the rough justice administered by the "Spirits of Good Fortune" - but I can't say I am.

=/\=


	55. Encounters

=/\=

 **Stardate 53049 Survival Instinct**

We've docked at a space station which has been extremely welcoming towards us - not something we've encountered as often as we'd like! We've been doing a lot of commodity trading. After the example of the Varro ship's difficulties, and though we don't have a dissident minority at this point (the Maquis having long since become as "regular Starfleet" towards the rest of us as any of the "regular Starfleet" crew members), we knew it was time for a true overhaul of our ship. Since this station offers just about all the services most Starfleet Deep Space stations do, the captain is ecstatic. B'Elanna is only slightly more restrained - she's ordering everyone around and taking advantage of having resources for a change.

Since everyone on the station has been quite friendly, Captain Janeway decided to open the ship up to visitors. Tom told me this sort of event is called an "open house" on Earth. During the end-of-the-year holidays, his father and mother always opened their home to visitors, to view their Christmas tree and decorations and "overdose on punch and cookies." He promised to show me a file of images he always keeps with him, to remind himself of the good times. There's even a picture of his mother. He never talks about her, but Tom said she's "great." Since Tom is very friendly with everyone, but he's had trouble getting along with his father, I suspect Tom may take after his mother in personality. He once said she was always trying to "smooth things over" between her husband and son. Perhaps Tom doesn't speak of her very often because he cherishes his memories of her. When it comes to Admiral Paris, he prefers to exorcise them.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53050**

This open house policy is exhausting. Our Security department has been kept very busy. A significant number of our visitors have, shall I say, sticky fingers. Or other types of sticky appendages. Father has not been shy about expressing his disapproval over the many losses, even though, I must say, almost all fall in the "inconsequential and easily replaced" category. He went so far as to suggest to the captain we should end the open house policy. The captain rebuffed his suggestion. Our hospitality will "serve a higher purpose." She believes _Voyager_ is only the first Starfleet ship that will visit this station. Someday, when the propulsion systems we've been collecting during our journey lead to an advancement of Starfleet's technologies, other ships from the Alpha Quadrant will come here. Establishing a reputation of friendliness now will mean more then. "It's worth a few minor losses." She also pointed out that we've received so many gifts from our visitors, as far as she's concerned, "it's a wash."

Father was not pleased with her response, but I must say I agree with her reasoning. No one has lost anything so far that can't be replaced through replication. And, when I consider how bad our reputation was during our first two years in the Delta Quadrant, when the Kazon sects spread rumors about how terrible we were while they were under the sway of Seska - not to mention what Ransom and Burke's actions on the _Equinox_ must have done to it - creating a good impression in the minds of those living, working, and traveling through this station will undoubtedly be far more important than Father has been willing to credit up to now.

When he hasn't been pressed into service as " _Voyager's_ Ambassador to the Delta Quadrant," Dad has been kept busy in the kitchen preparing refreshments. The eating habits of the people on this station vary tremendously, and he's tried to keep selections available to suit all tastes, if he can. He's pressed me into helping him with food preparation during my off duty hours. While we've been extremely busy, I must say it's been quite satisfying to have an opportunity to putter around in the kitchen, adding a few flourishes of my own to many of our dishes. Dad has approved of my experiments. Our visitors seem to be very satisfied. We never have more than a few scraps of food leftover each night, and many of our guests have given Dad, Chell, and me their compliments for the "tantalizing tidbits" we've offered them.

Although we aren't surprised we haven't seen anyone from Talax or Rinax on this station, since the planet and its moon are 30,000 light years away, his more exotic Talaxian specialties, which he'd been forced to stop preparing because our crew doesn't like them, have proven to be extremely popular with our guests. Needless to say (but I will, with a touch of pride on his behalf), Dad is "tickled pink," to borrow a phrase from Tom, by the accolades that have been come his way regarding his Talaxian specialties. When the captain brought him with her for a meeting with the station's commandant, he praised Dad's _chadre'kab_ in particular. Dad agreed to share the recipe with the commandant's favorite restaurant's chef, so that the commandant can enjoy it even after _Voyager_ has continued on its travels. Tom said Dad was "downright fuchsia" when he came back to _Voyager_ after that meeting. I was so very happy for him.

Dad gets a beating sometimes for trying to see the bright side of things and "going with his gut" whenever possible. The senior staff and I all know, as do Samantha and Naomi Wildman, that Dad often has to fight hard to maintain that façade. We know he does it as much for himself as for anyone else's benefit. He's subject to bouts of depression. None have been as serious as the time he considered suicide, of course; but losing his entire family to the Metreon Cascade the way he did comes back to haunt him from time to time. When he discovered the "Spirit of Good Fortune" alien's corpse in a corridor, after one of the alien attacks, he spoke to me afterwards about him, wondering if the alien had had a family who would always mourn his loss, since they could never know why he'd never come back to them again.

At that time, there was speculation on the ship that the "Spirits of Good Fortune" were beasts and not rational beings. I never subscribed to that view, and neither did Dad. Father was unsure about their level of sentience, but even if they were not, Father had no patience with the cruel way they were being treated by the _Equinox_ crew. After the captain and Father conversed with one of them, proving they were, indeed, sentient beings, he came to Dad and me and said, "Perhaps that deceased alien did have a family who will always wonder about him, Mr. Neelix. Your feelings of grief for the being were not misplaced. Your 'instincts,' in this matter, were correct."

Since Father has always been rather disdainful of Dad's instinctual responses to issues, rather than looking at them in what Father considers a more rational, logical manner, this was a remarkable thing for him to admit. It's as close to an apology from my Vulcan parent as he's ever likely to give to Dad. After Father left, Dad said to me sadly, "I just wish the reason Tuvok said this to me wasn't prompted by a murder."

Thus, receiving praise from the people on this station about his cooking, so soon after Father's subtle acknowledgment of Dad's perceptions during the matter of the "Spirits of Good Fortune," bolstered Dad's spirits in a very positive way. I was glad to see it. He's a very good person - and I'm not just saying that because he's my Dad.

 **Supplemental**

Father assigned me to a Shore Patrol detail this afternoon. Tim Lang and I were sent to escort two of our officers back to the ship. They'd been arrested on disorderly persons charges. Tom and Harry were caught up in a riot/fight. Depending upon which of the witnesses interviewed, they were either the perpetrators or the victims. Apparently a group of aliens asked them to participate in what Tom and Harry thought was a game. It was probably some sort of religious ritual. Captain Janeway confined them both to their own quarters, but she hasn't forbidden them to have visitors. After my shift was over, I stopped by to check on how Tom was doing. His black eye is healing nicely. (That's my official line, if Father questions me about my visit.)

Tom showed me his file of Christmas memories and explained many of the traditions to me when I was puzzled about what I was seeing. I was quite impressed by the way his mother decorated their family home. I retain some of Father's memories of that time of year from when he was living on Earth with T'Pel and their children, during his stint as a Starfleet Academy instructor. We've had Christmas dinners on _Voyager_ , of course, but we've never decorated the Mess Hall in as tasteful a way as Tom's mother embellished the Paris family home.

I complimented Tom on his mother's decorating prowess and suggested we could incorporate some of her ideas into the decorations for our upcoming Prixin celebrations. The tiny little lights, in particular, would look lovely if they're distributed on the branches of the Guiding Tree, in the way Tom's mother dressed her Christmas trees. I told Tom I would suggest this to Dad. Tom was pleased. Perhaps it even took a little of the "sting" out of his black eye.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53051**

I've met someone. She's lovely! We may be "ships passing in the night," so to speak, since her ship is headed in a totally different direction than _Voyager_ is; but if I get to spend any more time at all with her, I will be a very happy Tuvix!

Her eyes are dark and warm, and her ruffles of hair shine with beautiful, dark red overtones. She has spots, just like me (but no whiskers). Her personality shines through her smile.

We met on the station, of course. I decided to visit the restaurant where Dad's recipe for _chabre'kab_ was sent. I was pleased to see the chef had it on the menu, but I decided to sample more local delicacies. The place was crowded, and while I was waiting for a table, I noticed a lovely young person enter and give her name to the maître d'. She moved off to the side and stood by herself while she waited. When the maître d' called me over to tell me my table was ready, I asked him to ask the young lady if she'd like to sit in the other chair - if she wasn't waiting for anyone - so that we could have company while we ate. She accepted my offer with a very bright smile. We introduced ourselves when she took her seat. She said her name was Alyara, and she's Morgini.

I thought we'd spend a pleasant hour or so talking about our life experiences. By the time we left, after our second dessert, the restaurant was just about empty and closing for the evening. By our ship's time, it was still quite early, however. Our open house policy was still in effect, so I brought her on a tour of _Voyager_. She met Dad and Father. And then, one thing led to another, and we had a very nice interlude in my quarters. Nothing for which I would need clearance from the Doctor, according to our protocols, but when she indicated she wouldn't mind needing such clearance, we went to Sickbay to be cleared for . . . more intimate activities.

Well, she spent the night. It was marvelous. I'm quite certain now that when it comes to romance, I'm Talaxian. We've agreed to meet tomorrow for dinner, and . . . maybe a little more romance.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53058**

I haven't had the chance to update my log for the past few days. I've been busy.

(Sigh) Alyara had to leave today. She remained on the station for three extra days so we could spend more time together. It was wonderful to share our thoughts and bodies with each other. I think that's why I didn't update my personal log. Telling her about myself, and asking her about her life, was a little like dictating log entries - when we weren't performing activities of a more intimate nature, that is. I just can't stop smiling.

She asked me, quite playfully, but with a very serious undertone, if I'd thought about staying in the Delta Quadrant. Would I like to sign onto a trading vessel which is set up to be crewed by one person - or one couple? She assured me she meant the offer, but I don't think she was surprised when I said I wanted to stay with my Dad and Father on _Voyager_. She understood. She thought how I was created from my parents, with the help of that unique species of orchid, was "amazo." It didn't bother her at all, which was very comforting. It gave me hope I'll find another person in the future who is equally open-minded. I must admit, I wouldn't mind spending more time with Alyara, to find out if she's the one for me; but we're traveling in opposite directions.

I'll miss her terribly, but Alyara has her life, and I have mine. It was wonderful to have a chance to share our lives - and on my part, love - for at least a little while. I hope I'll find that certain someone to share life forever someday; but, as the Doctor put it when he cleared us for intimacy, she was my "Miss Right Now." I'll always treasure the memories of our time together.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53060**

I didn't pay that much attention to our new crew member until after Alyara left, although I knew basically what had happened. The attack on Seven involved Security.

Seven encountered three former Borg who were part of her first unimatrix. After their scout ship crashed, their link with the Collective was broken, but they were reassimilated, even though they didn't recall how it happened. There was a gap in their collective memories. I'm using the term "collective memories" quite deliberately, and differently from the way I usually do. These three former Borg were still linked, but only with the other two, not with the Borg Collective as a whole. This must have occurred when they were reassimilated. For the past few years, when they were part of the Collective, the "white noise" of the Hive hid this additional connection.

They were freed from the Hive mind a second time when the sphere on which they were traveling suffered the same type of EM malfunction that broke the link for the drones of the Cooperative. A few dozen escaped with them in a small scout ship. The others adapted easily to the broken link and went on their way, but these three now "heard" each other constantly. When they learned of a disconnected Borg named Seven of Nine living on _Voyager_ , they realized she must be "their" Seven. They followed her here, believing Seven can help them accomplish their goal of living as individuals, the way they did before their first assimilation.

The reason for their connection was eventually discovered. After their scout ship crashed, the other four in their unimatrix were killed immediately. Seven found the fifth drone as he expired. For most of her life, Seven had been comforted by the voices of the Hive, but now they were gone. When Lansor, P'Chan, and Marika Wilkarah realized they were no longer linked with the Borg, they wanted to remain individuals. Unlike Seven, who had been assimilated when she was a child of six, they'd been assimilated after they were adults. When Seven reassimilated them, she transformed their left parietal lobes into organic interlink nodes, which connected the three into a triad. Seven was not reassimilated until the Borg came to rescue the survivors. The drone who brought Seven back into the Collective knew what she was doing. Seven had not.

Seven had joined their minds together by accident; now, because of that earlier action, she had to make a deliberate choice regarding the way they would live for the rest of their lives. The three were lying comatose in Sickbay. If the Doctor operated to separate them, he estimated they could only live for four more weeks, possibly less, as individuals. The only alternative would be to return them to the Borg to be assimilated for a _third_ time. They presumably could live a normal lifespan for their species; but they would be part of the Hive, the life they'd already rejected twice before. Living as independently-functioning beings had been their express wish. Returning them to the Collective would also pose a significant danger to our crew, but Seven assured me that factor did not enter into her deliberations. She decided she'd made a terrible error eight years ago. She'd forced them back into the Collective after they refused to return to the Hive and fled from her when she demanded they submit to reassimilation. Seven didn't want to make the same mistake again. Their lives might be short, but they would live them as individuals.

After they woke up from their surgeries, the Doctor explained the limited amount of time they had left. This time, they agreed, Seven _had_ made the right choice. Marika Wilkarah, a Bajoran Starfleet officer who was assimilated at Wolf 359, will remain on _Voyager,_ serving as a Starfleet officer for the remainder of her life. Lansor plans to stay on the station during his final days. P'Chan will spend his last weeks of life on a nearby world, camping under the stars. He knows he has no family left. His parents were too old and sick to become "good" drones. The Borg killed them, right in front of P'Chan, just before they assimilated him.

I plan to spend as much time with Lieutenant Marika as I can. We've already discussed her religious beliefs. She's sure she'll see her deceased husband again when she exits this realm of existence. While she told Seven she couldn't forgive her for what she did when she reassimilated the triad, she understands _why_ she did it. Seven had been assimilated as a child. She had no idea of how to live independently. Seven the child was simply too frightened to be alone.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53102**

Marika Wilkarah died today. Seven stayed with her to the end. According to Seven, her passing was peaceful. Marika never told her she'd forgiven her for reassimilating their triad, but from the way Seven described her final hours (and which Tabor and Tal Celes corroborated), I trust that she did. When she realized she was near death, Marika reached out and grabbed Seven by the hand. They remained like that until Marika took her last breath.

Marika's funeral is tomorrow. Her coffin, a photon torpedo casing, will be shot towards the Bajoran wormhole. Her husband, who died on the _Excalibur_ , will be waiting for her there.

=/\=


	56. The Deadly Strangers

=/\=

 **Stardate 53147**

We had to dive to the surface of a planet suffering through a nuclear winter in order to escape from people who claim they own the subspace "undertunnels" we'd found.

Actually, we'd fallen into one of the corridors by accident. It was ancient, a millennium old, at least, according to Harry and Seven, and filled with debris of all kinds. The problem was, we couldn't get out of it right away. A ship of the Turei came upon us and asked what we were doing in their undertunnels. The captain's response: "We're trying to get out!"

The Turei ship fired on our shield generator. The resonance frequency was altered, and our ship popped out of the corridor. We'd been inside it for approximately five minutes - and Tom announced we'd traveled 200 light years in that short time! The captain was immediately interested in speaking with the Turei again, not just to thank them, but to ask if we could make some sort of deal to travel through their corridors again, if any led towards the Alpha Quadrant.

The captain of the Turei ship demanded the right to board _Voyager_ to remove all traces of the undertunnel from our computer core - or he would make sure the information was destroyed in another way - by destroying _Voyager_. Our captain was not in favor of either option. We fled.

Seven discovered a nearby planet with a radiogenic atmosphere, which would serve to obscure _Voyager's_ actual location from the Turei sensors. Once we'd descended to the lowest level, we discovered the atmospheric conditions were not a natural phenomenon. The ruins of a highly-developed civilization stretched in all directions.

After the captain ordered Tom to land the ship on the surface, to facilitate repairs, Harry announced, "Captain, I'm getting faint life sign readings from a cavern below the surface of this planet." Since we'd determined the atmosphere became radioactive roughly 900 years ago, the idea that anyone might have survived that long was astonishing. I was eager to join the away team, but the captain chose Seven and Father to accompany her. I moved over to the main Tactical station to monitor our situation with the Turei. They hadn't discovered our ship yet, but we knew it was only a matter of time.

The away team discovered hundreds of stasis tubes below the ruined city, in a series of caverns, along with a great deal of equipment and many ships, most still space-worthy according to the team's tricorder readings. Some of the stasis tubes had been destroyed by falling debris. The power to others must have failed, killing the occupants. Many of the pods contained living beings, however. Seven initiated the reactivation sequence to wake up one. That's totally against protocol. I would have known not to do it; but, as we all know, Seven can be . . . impulsive.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53152**

After Gedrin, the Vaadwaur scientist awakened by Seven, helped defend _Voyager_ from a Turei bombardment, the captain made a deal with him. In return for access to tunnels Gedrin believes no one knows about (although I'm not sure how he can be sure of this, since he was asleep for 892 years!), the captain agreed to awaken the rest of the Vaadwaur. _Voyager_ staff will look for another planet for them and will help the Vaadwaur refurbish their ships and the equipment needed in order for them to settle there comfortably.

I met one of the first to be awakened. Morin was working in Engineering with B'Elanna. There's something disturbing . . . well, I'm judging the man on very little information. I may be overreacting - or my perceptions may have been altered by what happened with Naomi.

Our Naomi was trying to engage some of the Vaadwaur children in a game of Kadis-kot. They were teasing her unmercifully. Now, I know children can be cruel to each other before they're old enough to empathize with other people, but this was different. Nastier. There was a threatening undertone to everything the Vaadwaur youngsters said to her. When I approached the group, they made several jokes about how I was the "ugliest Talaxian" they'd ever seen, especially my ears, which they said were "even worse than Neelix's." They obviously had _no_ idea how sharp my hearing is. When Naomi ran over to me and asked me to bring her back to _Voyager_ , I answered by saying, "I'll return you to your quarters now, Naomi. I'm glad _you_ don't think I'm the ugliest Talaxian you've ever seen." I said this loud enough to make sure the Vaadwaur children could hear me. From the startled way they looked at each other, they did, all right.

I brought Naomi home and listened to her when she tearfully said she didn't want to play with them anymore. I told her I understood, and that I'd tell her mother what I'd seen and heard. When I described the incident to Sam, she agreed it was best not to expose Naomi to that sort of behavior. "I'm so sorry, Tuvix. My daughter almost never gets a chance to play with other children, except when we're visiting a planet or station, like we did several weeks ago. All her closest friends are holodeck characters! I'd hoped this would give her a chance to enjoy being with children her own age. If they're like this, though, she's better off on the holodeck!"

I sadly agreed. Poor Naomi! She finally gets to meet other children, and they turn out to be bullies. They weren't going to stop at making fun of me and Dad. It would only be a matter of time before they'd start to be nasty towards Naomi, too. Now, _that's_ ugly.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53155**

When I entered the Mess Hall, the dinner hour was long over. Dad was in a corner, speaking with Noah Lessing and Marla Gilmore. I haven't had much to do with any of our adopted crew members, late of the _Equinox_ , but when Dad called me over, I really had no choice. (That phrase will always remind me of the _Equinox,_ I'm afraid.)

They were talking about the Vaadwaur corridors. It turns out that when Rudy Ransom told Captain Janeway they'd "traveled through a small wormhole" that let the _Equinox_ out at another part of the Delta Quadrant, the story wasn't a total fabrication. Noah and Marla both think they'd fallen into one of the Vaadwaur corridors.

"How did you get out?" I asked.

Marla explained that their ship had been badly damaged by the Krowtonan Guard. They fell into the "wormhole" when they were trying to escape another attack from a Kazon sect. "Our shield resonance wasn't as constant as it should have been because of all the damage. We hit something in the corridors that altered the resonance. We slipped out of the corridor and realized we were almost 12,000 light years away from where we'd fallen into it. We thought the only explanation was a wormhole, but Noah and I think the walls of that corridor looked like these."

Dad looked at me very expectantly. I had to admit this was all very interesting. It explained some things we hadn't known about the _Equinox's_ path through the Delta Quadrant, before they met the Ankari at their outpost, but I wasn't sure what else it might mean.

"Don't you remember the Talax-ilzay stories? From the Old Tongue?" Dad asked.

Then I understood. _The Tale of the Bloody Hand_. _The Demon with the Golden Voice. The Tale of the Deadly Stranger. The Tale of the Boy Who Lost His Head_ (literally). The titles are disturbing, and the stories themselves are even worse. "You're thinking there's some relationship between the Vaadwaur and those old stories your family passed down to you, Dad?"

"Exactly. I still have copies of them on the _Baxial_. After Naomi told me why she doesn't want to play with the Vaadwaur children, I went to the shuttle bay and looked them up. They're just as upsetting to me as they ever were. I wondered if I should bring them to the attention of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. And when I heard Noah and Marla talking about that 'wormhole,' I asked them to tell me more about it."

"And in the Old Tongue, _'vaadwaur'_ means 'foolish.' I see. What did the captain and the commander say?"

"Nothing, yet. I haven't gone to see them. Do you think I should?"

"I do. They may think it's a coincidence, but with this evidence from Marla and Noah that the corridors may extend as far as Talax, they should know about it."

"I will, then. I've been worried about this Gedrin from the beginning. He looks just the way the 'deadly stranger' is described in the tale of that name. We should never have awakened him from his 900 year sleep!"

Dad is right, of course, but the captain and the commander didn't have any part in the initial "awakening." Seven did it all on her own, against all Starfleet protocols concerning the need to be cautious when confronted by a previously unknown species. Unfortunately, Seven can be as reckless as she is intelligent. And no one has _ever_ doubted her intelligence.

Dad went to speak with the captain, leaving me sitting there with my cup of Tarkalean Tea, Noah Lessing, and Marla Gilmore. I didn't want to just get up and leave them, like they were pariah, even though I've been quite ambivalent about their presence on _Voyager_. They're my shipmates now, for good or ill, but I haven't warmed up to them as of yet. After this conversation, however, I do feel more sympathy for them. They were forced to participate in mass murder when their judgment was impaired by long-term trauma from death and starvation. They're filled with remorse. B'Elanna shared that Marla once told her she "sometimes wished she were dead, like all of her friends. She said it was even worse when the aliens were attacking them or she was putting more 'compound' into their warp engines, knowing what it was made of."

They'd fallen into whatever the corridor was less than two months after they were dragged into the Delta Quadrant. They'd been on the run for days from the Krowtonan Guard and a vicious Kazon sect with which I was not familiar. "We hadn't had the chance to hold a proper memorial service for our lost crewmates," Noah said, "and we never did until after we were bumped out of that 'small wormhole.' That's what Captain Ransom always insisted it was."

We chatted a little more. I discovered I'm not the only one who's been shunning them, even though they arrived on board months ago. "Ensign Paris has been very helpful, and so has your Dad. They both told us stories about their past lives, and about mistakes they've made. I wish knowing others have made mistakes can make up for the way we behaved towards your crew after you took us in. It doesn't. If only we could have convinced Rudy and Max to blow up the _Equinox_ before you found out what we were doing - even though it wouldn't stop me from agonizing over what we did. but maybe I'd actually be able to sleep nights." Marla said this in such a pained tone of voice, it made me look at her in a very different light, as an individual, not just as "one of the _Equinox_ Five."

"And your crewmates might not have died if we never stole the multi-phasic shield generator," Noah said. I must have flinched a little, and he asked, "Are those lost crewmates why you've avoided us?"

I said that it was. I told them about Julie Jurot, and how we had to hide in transporter suspension while we were helping the telepath group escape the Devore Imperium. "We missed the Devore, but it wouldn't have mattered if we _had_ met them," Marla remarked. "The only telepath on our ship died the first week we were here." She sighed. "So did everyone I was close to. And it got worse. I was afraid to make any new friends because whenever I did, they were killed, too. I barely spoke to you, Noah, until we were the only two ensigns left."

"We've lost our share of crewmates all along, too," I admitted. "That's always a risk in Starfleet, but this sort of unexpected long-term mission is unprecedented. _Voyager_ is a much bigger ship. Hopefully, you'll get to make some friends here that you'll be able to keep."

"If anyone will ever decide to speak with me again," Marla said sadly.

And that's true. It won't be easy for either of them. "But you must try. I wouldn't be here if I hadn't made a few friends after my advent. They helped me survive when it seemed I would be forced to give up my life for Dad and Father - Neelix and Commander Tuvok, to you - to come back to life. They found a way to duplicate me. My twin Neevok agreed to be the sacrifice. I only knew him for a couple of hours, but I will always miss him. He will remain alive in my memory, for as long as I live. It may help you if you remember your lost friends, too."

They agreed it might help. Then they had to leave to go to work. They were on Gamma shift tonight. I came back here and meditated for a while. I do that every night, of course, but it's always a deeper, more meaningful experience when I've thought of Neevok at any time during the day. I decided I should continue reaching out to the _Equinox_ Five. When we return to the Alpha Quadrant, their futures will be very uncertain. Who knows what punishment will be administered to them? And while we face many obstacles traveling on _Voyager_ , for weeks at a time we live almost normal lives. We do our jobs. Share meals. Have pool tournaments in Sandrines and luaus in Dad's resort program. Get silly with Captain Proton and company. Every day doesn't present us with a new disaster.

The captain wants them to prove themselves worthy of our trust. After my conversation with Marla Gilmore and Noah Lessing, I think _I'm_ ready to trust them.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53167**

After 900 years, the Deadly Strangers are awake and running through the galaxy again. They aren't a very nice people overall, although Gedrin, the first one Seven awakened, was a decent fellow in the end. He sacrificed his life so that Father could return to _Voyager_ , and to help us escape from our enemies. It turned out the Turei, the race that chased us out of "their" underspace, were not our primary opponents. The Vaadwaur were. Dad was right. They _are_ the dangerous strangers of the old Talax-ilzay stories. A fairly large number of their ships escaped the Turei by diving into their subspace tunnels.

It may take a while for them to be strong enough to wreak havoc on the Delta Quadrant once again. They have to rebuild their society first, and that won't be easy, with a gene pool of 600 individuals, at most, who are still alive. They don't have a clear lead on a new home planet, either. Gedrin was working with Seven on identifying possibilities, but according to Father, the ceiling of the cavern collapsed on him just as Father was transported away and back to _Voyager_. The colonies the Vaadwaur had possessed before their nine-century sleep were all wiped out in the interim and populated by other species who aren't fond of sharing, like the Borg and the Devore Imperium, to name a couple of examples.

I hope we're long gone from their space before they've had a chance to rebuild. I've seen enough of the Vaadwaur. Their children showed me all I need to know about what they're really like.

=/\=


	57. The Gates of Gre'thor

=/\=

 **Stardate 53196**

We're lucky our chief engineer is alive. B'Elanna chased after the only multi-spatial probe currently available on _Voyager_ in one of our Class-2 shuttles. Going into an ion storm in a Class-2 is asking for trouble. When we managed to tractor it into the shuttlebay, she was stretched out on the floor, comatose. After she regained consciousness, she began to babble about meeting her mother Miral - on the Klingon Barge of the Dead.

Commander Chakotay went to see her in her quarters after the Doctor released her from Sickbay. B'Elanna asked him if he believed in an afterlife. I imagine that must have been a loaded question for him, after what happened with Dad after _his_ resurrection. B'Elanna told the commander she hadn't spoken with her mother in ten years. For the last five years, of course, she _couldn't_ speak with her mother, since she was in the Delta Quadrant. I find it sad that they had nothing to say to each other for the prior five years, either. B'Elanna's resistance to accepting the Klingon side of her nature resulted in many arguments between mother and daughter. (I know something about that from conversations I've had with her.) Tom doesn't know what else our first officer might have said to her, but when he went to look for B'Elanna, he found her reading ancient Klingon sacred scrolls. B'Elanna is convinced her mother is going to _gre'thor_ , the Klingon hell, because her daughter has turned her back on all things Klingon. The personal honor of a person isn't the only thing taken into consideration when a warrior seeks entrance into _Sto-Vo-Kor_. The "sins of the child" can count against them, too. Tom pointed out that B'Elanna doesn't know if her mother really is dead, but that didn't matter. B'Elanna decided to replicate the conditions of the accident and return to the Barge of the Dead to save her mother, the way Kahless saved his brother from _gre'thor_ in the account she read in the _paq'batlh._

Tom has always been an advocate for B'Elanna to accept her Klingon side, but he was upset she wanted to do something so radical only a few hours after she almost died. "One minute, she was in a coma, and the next she's a born-again Klingon, reading sacred scrolls. I told her _I'll_ read the scrolls. _I'll_ learn Klingon!"

That didn't stop her from asking Captain Janeway for permission to simulate her near death experience. When the captain refused to approve her request, B'Elanna accused the captain of being just like her mother. (And of course, when it comes to our " _Voyager_ family," Captain Janeway _is_ everyone's mother, as well as our captain.)

Tom told me, in an exasperated tone of voice, "She used the 'you're proud of me, but my mother never had a chance to be' card, Tuvix. And it worked."

The Doctor replicated the conditions inside the shuttle, which had been filled with ionized particles from the ion storm. She fell into a coma again, but this time, B'Elanna was lying on a biobed in Sickbay and not inside a Class-2 shuttle buffeted by an ion storm. And the experiment apparently _did_ work. B'Elanna found herself back on the Barge of the Dead. B'Elanna's plan included being revived once Miral was off the barge and in _Sto-Vo-Kor_. Since B'Elanna would not actually die, this was cheating, and therefore dishonorable. Her mother wouldn't go along with this plan. B'Elanna had to actually die. But when she walked through the gates of _gre'thor_ , she found herself on _Voyager._ All of our crew were there, singing Klingon drinking songs and lifting goblets of blood wine, toasting her dishonor.

According to Tom, B'Elanna's life really was slipping away at about this point in the . . . I'm not sure what happened. B'Elanna had seen all of us dying around her in what Kortar, the helmsman of the Barge of the Dead, told her was the _naj,_ the "Dream Before Dying." Was she experiencing an actual paranormal event? Was she hallucinating? Or was her mind calling up images from her memories to help her make sense of her past life with her mother?

B'Elanna remembers coming back to the barge and meeting her mother, but this time, Miral was dressed like Captain Janeway. They had the "same old argument" they'd had almost daily, until B'Elanna left home to attend Starfleet Academy ten years ago. B'Elanna has always blamed her hair-trigger temper and bad attitude on her heritage from Miral. Her rage has always threatened to overwhelm her. Miral always told her daughter that being Klingon _doesn't_ mean lashing out at everyone. All Miral has ever wanted is for her daughter to act honorably, but B'Elanna has never known what her mother means by that. After B'Elanna dropped out, she joined the crew of the _Val J_ ean and never contacted her mother again before being thrown into the Delta Quadrant.

Then her mother and _Voyager's_ the senior staff stood in a ring around her, telling B'Elanna over and over that her anger was consuming her and, if unchecked, would consume everyone on _Voyager_ , too. Frustrated, and tired of fighting to make herself understood, B'Elanna flung the _bat'leth_ she'd been holding off the barge. Was this a symbolic way of showing her throwing away her anger? She doesn't know, but that's when her mother told her she'd "made a start," and added, "Lanna, choose to live!" She told her daughter they might see each other again, either when B'Elanna gets home . . . or in _Sto-Vo-Kor_. B'Elanna threw her arms around her mother . . . and woke up in Sickbay, hugging Captain Janeway.

The captain, the EMH, and Tom insisted on getting the whole fantastic story from B'Elanna. Considering the way B'Elanna almost died and then suddenly woke up, Tom can't be sure what happened, other than that it affected her physical body as well as her perceptions. He understands why she gave the captain a hug in Sickbay first, (although she embraced him immediately after letting go of the captain). "She was hugging her mother when she flashed away from the barge, and when she opened her eyes, the captain was there to welcome her back to life."

Tom's theory is that the experience was about B'Elanna learning to let go of reacting to every setback, no matter how slight, with anger. That's why B'Elanna's mother told her she'd "made a start" when she threw away the _bat'leth_. It's literally a two-edged sword, since a pair of curving blades, each ending in a wickedly sharp point, are joined together at the center. While it is a weapon of violence, it's also a means of defense. It isn't easy to get close to anyone holding a _bat'leth_ in front of her. B'Elanna is only too quick to strike out at others (which Lieutenant Carey and his nose can certainly affirm), but she's also shown herself to be reluctant to allow others to get truly close to her - even Tom.

This entire experience will be worth it if B'Elanna finally understands that her mother really wants is for B'Elanna to accept herself as she is. B'Elanna is constantly at war with herself, and it often spills out onto everyone else. Tom has been trying get her to see that ever since he fell in love with her. Tom said he still plans to study the Klingon language and the sacred scrolls with her, if she's willing. Such a journey could lead to self-discovery for Tom as well as B'Elanna.

While Tom didn't say anything to me about his own interest in all things Klingon, I suspect his own need to seek redemption for his mistakes attracts him to the Klingon Code of Honor. I wonder if such a study could help him to forgive and accept his own father, whose methods of teaching Tom to be "more Starfleet" seems to have confused his son more than anything else? Admiral Paris' and Miral's ways of dealing with their progeny seem to have been very similar. While honor appears to be of vital importance to both parents, my friends' struggles with their own personal demons tells me the parents may have pushed them too hard to achieve that goal.

B'Elanna has no way of knowing if Miral really _has_ died, or if all this emerged from her memories when she realized she hadn't spoken with her mother in ten whole years. We won't know if Miral is still alive until we get back, I suppose, unless Starfleet finds a way to communicate with us in the Delta Quadrant. The only reason Starfleet even knows we're here is because of the Doctor's excursion through the Hirogen Array. That method of communication is no longer available to us. I hope Miral _is_ still alive, to give her "blessing" for Tom's relationship with B'Elanna. I believe winning Miral's approval of her choice of partner would make Tom even happier that it would B'Elanna.

While I feel very close to my fathers, my best friends on _Voyager_ are Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry. I feel a special tie with the Delaney sisters, too. Together, they found the way for me to live a life lasting longer than two weeks, even though Neevok could not. I will always be grateful for the way they helped me live. I'm _very_ glad B'Elanna is okay.

Once Tom left, after telling me about B'Elanna's near escape, I found myself thinking about my fathers' mothers, T'Meni and Axia. Or are they actually my mothers, too, because of the way I was created? I honestly don't know what generation they are to me. I do know I retain some of my fathers' memories of them, although not as many as I'd like. Perhaps many of Dad's and Father's memories of their mothers had already faded before I appeared on _Voyager_.

In a way, when I hear the term "mother," I find Captain Janeway is the first person who comes to my mind. I don't know what her reaction would be if I ever told her this. It might be better if I never do! But as long as _Voyager_ is our home, she truly will be everyone's "mom."

=/\=


	58. Irresistible Attraction

=/\=

 **Stardate 53237**

Tom and Harry were teasing Father unmercifully about his age, freely utilizing the term _pon farr_ , which Father avoids mentioning as if it would give him the Phage. He didn't use it, I noticed, but he didn't seem to be particularly bothered by Tom and Harry saying it, either. I guess when he's not actually suffering from its symptoms, it's possible to be a little more blasé about it.

All the joking stopped when we noticed sensor readings consistent with a fleet of ships in our path. The captain and the commander, who were in her ready room at the time while Father was sitting in the command chair, were called out and Red Alert sounded. Father replaced me at Tactical, while I slid over to one of the auxiliary stations behind the command chairs. As we approached the other ships, I realized very few of them were whole. Most of the readings were from pieces of ships. Since we'd had issues before with debris fields hiding explosive devices, however, we remained at Red Alert.

Then the proprietor of _Abbadon's Repository of Lost Treasures_ , Mr. Abbadon himself, hailed us.

"Whether you're in the mood to buy or simply browse, we're always open! Take a look! You may find something you never knew you wanted."

"It's a cosmic junkyard!" Harry exclaimed.

"Better yet, it's a used spaceship lot." (This must be either a phrase Tom picked up from his studies of 20th century culture or an automobile reference. Maybe both.)

"Well, as the man said, we might find something we never knew we wanted," the captain said, and told Tom to "pull into a space so we can shop." From the way Tom was grinning, her comment must have been a comeback to his. I'll have to ask Tom about it later.

 **Supplemental**

Tom found a sleek ship that he just had to have. It isn't in perfect condition now - none of Abbadon's wares would merit that label - but it has some very interesting features, including an advanced weapons array and a neurogenic interface which reacts to what the helmsman is thinking. Tom claims that this would make it even more maneuverable than the _Delta Flyer_ , quite an admission by Tom. Of course, those advanced features won't work until the craft is refurbished, but Tom promised to work on it during his off duty hours. He also volunteered Harry and me to help him. I don't mind, really, although it would have been nice if he'd asked me to volunteer _before_ he told Commander Chakotay I would. After a little hemming and hawing, the commander agreed to trade for Tom's new favorite toy . . . I mean, shuttle.

We've already taken delivery of the little ship, which Tom has decided to name _Alice,_ after a girl he knew at the Academy who was also a "lost cause." I presume that means she was resistant to his charms. Abbadon promised delivery tomorrow, with the provision, "All trades are final."

=/\=

 **Stardate 53244**

 _Alice's_ shuttle bay is a real-life version of Tom's "Grease Monkey" holodeck program, except we've been refurbishing an actual shuttle that can fly in space, not a holographic muscle car. While Harry and I have been helping him, Harry told me he doesn't really seem to want our help. He's quite possessive of his sporty little shuttle. Even B'Elanna has been feeling a little left out. She told me, "Alice doesn't like me." I had to laugh at that. Alice can't have an opinion!

She can talk, however. Tom programmed her voice to be female, and quite seductive. Tom swears that the computer voice was always that of a woman. Harry doesn't believe him, either.

I'm not sure where Tom "found" some of the parts he's installed into _Alice._ Dad noticed that some of the items listed on his storage manifest seem to have disappeared in the past week, and all of the missing are typically used for shuttle building and repair. The Doctor isn't too pleased with Tom, either. He's missed two shifts in Sickbay since _Alice_ moved onto _Voyager._ Tom also hasn't spent any time working on his Klingon language studies or the sacred scrolls he promised B'Elanna he would. When he's on the bridge, he often seems distracted, like he's thinking about shuttle repairs instead of concentrating on his duties. He's become more than a little obsessed with _Alice._ While that's something that usually happens when Tom becomes involved with a new hobby, this time, his fascination with _Alice_ is even more intense. I'm beginning to wonder if a neurogenic interface for operating a craft like _Alice_ is a good idea, no matter how efficient it might be. Linking minds with a ship sounds a bit too Borg for my liking.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53247**

After B'Elanna learned that two power cells were missing from storage, she went to find the missing parts inside _Alice._ When B'Elanna went inside the craft _,_ however, the hatch closed and locked itself. All of the atmosphere vented out, and B'Elanna's combadge failed when she tried to call for help. If Tom hadn't gone to the shuttle bay and noticed her banging frantically on the window, she could have died. When B'Elanna told him his ship tried to kill her, however, Tom refused to believe her. He even told her to mind her own business! (Missing power cells and data relays _are_ the province of the chief engineer, but Tom was too wrapped up in his new hobby to make the connection.) When B'Elanna ran off to inform Captain Janeway what had happened, they were interrupted by the news of an unauthorized shuttle launch. _Alice_ had kidnapped Tom.

Things moved quickly after this. The captain ordered Ensign Jenkins to return us to _Abbadon's Repository of Lost Treasures_. At first, the trader didn't want to cooperate. After the image of his own version of _Alice_ appeared and induced a medical crisis, which our Doctor had to treat, Abbadon finally admitted that the Haakonian who traded the ship to him claimed it was "haunted." The shuttle needs an organic pilot, because she can't fly herself. Abbadon wasn't good enough. When Tom showed up, _Alice_ could tell he was the one she needed.

We hadn't considered the possibility that Tom had been hallucinating _Alice_ as a human woman. When Abbadon described the female of his species who'd appeared to him, however, it explained how the ship had managed to take hold of Tom so completely. After "rewarding" Abbadon with a "worthless" trinket he'd traded to Dad, which was, in fact, it was a very valuable beryllium crystal, we went after _Alice_ and Tom. Seven had noticed he'd been working in Astrometrics on a flight path, which he'd claimed was "nothing." She reconstructed it and saw it led to a particle fountain. Several years ago, over a dozen Federation vessels were lost after approaching one and were drawn into it while trying to study the phenomenon.

We caught up with them just as Tom was about to steer _Alice_ into the particle fountain that would have ripped them apart. We managed to transport him back to _Voyager_ just before _Alice_ entered it and exploded. Did that mean _Alice_ was destroyed? Was she a shuttle at all, or was she some sort of entity that actually belonged in the particle fountain, who wanted to find a way home? We don't know the answers to any of those questions. It's very strange, but when I consider what happened to Tom, it's a bit like what happened with B'Elanna several weeks ago. We don't know exactly what _"Alice"_ was, just as we don't know if B'Elanna's experience on the Barge of the Dead was more than a hallucination. We saved B'Elanna, and we were able to save Tom, too - but it was touch and go for a while.

I had a long talk with Tom tonight. He's embarrassed and more than a little unsettled by all that happened since he landed his "dream vehicle." He's more than ready to re-elevate the _Delta Flyer_ to the position of "my favorite ride." His relationship with the _Flyer_ , however, as he's assured B'Elanna, will be no more than "Just friends."

=/\=


	59. Rapprochement

=/\=

 **Stardate 53264**

It was supposed to be a simple mission to the Kesat home world. Since Father, Dad, and I worked together so well when we constructed the multi-spatial probe, I suggested to Captain Janeway that sending my fathers and me on this mission would be good for our little family. She reminded me she assigns two people on diplomatic missions like the one she's assigned to Dad and Father. Since I'm quite satisfied with my relationships with each of my fathers, and they're the ones who could use an exercise in relationship-building, I agreed to stay behind on _Voyager_ to help cover the shifts Father would miss while he was away.

I wasn't worried while they were away. Every time they checked in with the bridge, according to protocol, the mission was going well. I looked forward to speaking with both of them once they returned, to find out if they'd been able to sort out any of their differences while they were alone in the shuttle, without anyone else present to referee.

Dad had just told Father a rather old riddle, the one about the lonely ensign who survives on an L-class planet for a year without any rations and no native food sources. How did he manage it? The answer, of course, is that he eats the "dates" on his calendar. Father was not amused (he seldom is when Dad is trying to "have fun" with him), and he went to the lower section of the _Delta Flyer,_ probably to take a break from the chatter. He noticed a computer download was in progress. After Dad confirmed he hadn't initiated any downloads, Father told him they might have a cloaked intruder and was attempting to detect a cloaking frequency. Seconds later, Dad reported hearing a blast, followed by the sound of Father's tricorder blowing up in his hands. Dad found Father convulsing on the deck of the shuttle. He immediately signaled Mayday to _Voyager_ for medical assistance and began to administer first aid.

The Doctor has stabilized Father's neural functions, but we don't know how long it may be before he returns to consciousness. Since the Doctor said it can be therapeutic to surround a patient with familiar things, Dad has moved some of Father's favorites into Sickbay. Father's Kal-Toh board, one of the prize orchids Father has been cultivating in his airponics bay, and an incense burner given to him by his spouse T'Pel surround Father's biobed. Dad has been playing music from Father's personal file and has placed a volume of classic proto-Vulcan dramas on a table nearby. Dad and I have been spending as much of our off-duty time in Sickbay as we can, taking turns reading Father's favorite, _Clash on the Fire Plains._ We replicate the various voices to the best of our ability. The Doctor admits our efforts "can't hurt." Whether or not they'll help is beyond our current knowledge. We can only hope.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53265**

Captain Janeway notified the Kesat authorities and asked them if they knew of any other attacks like the one on our shuttle. In response, they've sent a Deputy Investigator Naroq, from their security forces. When he arrived, Naroq told us that he actually asked for this assignment. On his way to _Voyager_ , he studied Dad's description of the attack. Naroq believes the perpetrator may be one of the Ba'Neth, which means "shadow people" in the Kesat language. Naroq explained they're an extremely paranoid and xenophobic species. Dad was perturbed no one mentioned them during his diplomatic contacts on the Kesat home world. Naroq replied that the Ba'Neth have managed to conceal their identity so thoroughly, the Kesat government officially maintains they do not exist. Since they're considered creatures of myth, the leadership saw no need to inform the Starfleet representatives about them.

Naroq does not share the "official" opinion. He's quite certain the Ba'Neth _are_ real. He's investigated reports of other attacks quite similar to the one on the _Delta Flyer_ , but up to now, he's been unable to convince his superiors of the elusive Ba'Neth's existence. No one has ever been able to actually see one and live to tell about it. He hopes Father can provide the evidence, since Father survived. Naroq has encountered this type of event twelve times before, and this is the first time there were _any_ survivors. Naroq told us the remains of the other victims were not found until their vehicles were discovered drifting in space - in a few cases, years after their occupants' deaths. When Dad apologized for not thinking to scan for other ships right after the attack, the captain pointed out, "You were too busy saving Tuvok's life!"

When Captain Janeway inquired about a possible motive for these attacks, Naroq said all the victimized ships were foreign to this sector. He surmises the Ba'Neth assess the technology of these new arrivals, possibly to gauge if they might pose a threat. Dad noted that the files which the intruder was downloading were all tactical in nature, which fits with Naroq's supposition. The destruction of Father's tricorder, which could have contained evidence of the cloaking frequency, also supports Naroq's hypothesis. As in all the other attacks, the weapon used on Father damaged the neural passageways. Naroq believes this is to prevent the victim from describing what he or she saw if death isn't immediate.

The inspector plans to remain on board for a few days. He hopes Father will recover sufficiently to be interviewed before he must return to Kesat. In the meantime, he'll use his scanning device to examine the _Flyer_. After the meeting, Dad and I visited Father and told him about it. He's still unresponsive, but as the senior tactical officer on _Voyager_ , it's his duty to learn the possible motives and nature of any assailant. We did what we could to inform him.

 **Supplemental**

With the help of his photolytic converter, Naroq, the captain, and Seven were able to detect veridium isotopes in the cabin of the _Delta Flyer_ , suggestive of a cloaking device. They saw a ghostly shape ephemeral tentacles, bent over the shuttle's computer and downloading tactical data. The image was detailed enough to convince the captain Naroq's theories have merit.

The deputy inspector has received permission from his superiors to remain on our ship a little longer, in hopes that Father's memory and ability to communicate will improve. If Father awakens and can disclose the cloaking frequency, Naroq may be able to prove the Ba'Neth exist. Naroq has sought the truth for a long time. He can afford to be patient a little while longer.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53266**

Father finally woke up, but he's a very different Tuvok from the one who left on the mission to the Kesat home world. Since he can't talk, he can't tell us any details about the attack. We don't know if he even understands a lot of what we're saying to him, let alone have the ability to convey a cloaking frequency, if he detected one before his tricorder was ruined.

Dad was with Father when he returned to consciousness. I was on duty, but I went to Sickbay as soon as Dad notified me. When Father saw me, he was afraid. I doubt he realized my connection to him. Dad is the only person who can calm Father down once he becomes upset. Dad's devotion to him is quite touching, especially when one considers the way Father tends to reject Dad when in his normal state of mind. Dad admitted to me that he hopes their relationship might improve as a result of this experience, even after Father's brain heals and he's back to "himself." The very fact Dad is so confident Father will completely recover makes me love him all the more. Dad's brought Father around the ship to "visit" friends. When they reached the bridge, Harry and Commander Chakotay were very gentle with Father, but they quickly saw he was in no condition to be there. Dad has settled Father in his quarters, again using the rationale that his state of mind will improve when he is in familiar surroundings.

Since my presence agitates Father, I'm keeping my distance. I meditate more than once a day, trying to maintain my mental equilibrium. The whole situation is truly upsetting. My reaction tells me I favor my Talaxian parent more than the Vulcan at this point. It's heartbreaking to see strong, logical Father so childlike. His emotional state is volatile, consistent with the difficulty he had managing his emotions when he was a very young man. His parents sent him to a Vulcan Master to learn meditation techniques, to help him learn to control his emotions before they controlled him. Father passed on these same techniques to me. If Father can accept my presence, I would be happy to return the favor. I just hope I get the chance to help him in some way.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53267**

When Naroq's photolytic converter revealed the image of the intruder in the _Flyer_ , Seven suggested that linking the device to _Voyager's_ deflector dish might help us detect the intruder's ship. It was highly unlikely he was a true space-dweller. The captain authorized the procedure's implementation. At the time it was tested, I was on the bridge, manning Father's tactical station. Seven activated the deflector, and all of us on the bridge were stunned by what we could see: a host of previously undetectable ships completely surrounded _Voyager_. They've apparently been tracking us all along. When the captain hailed them, the alien ships opened fire. Our shields protected us from sustaining any significant damage, and the alien ships scrambled away in every direction. Captain Janeway ordered Tom to follow the lead vessel, but we couldn't keep up. The deflector dish's range was too limited for a prolonged pursuit.

 **Supplemental**

It was fortunate Dad was with Father when the alien vessels fired upon _Voyager_. Father became extremely frightened and hid beneath the table in his quarters. Dad told him he would keep him safe, which calmed him. Despite becoming frightened, Father responded positively in one way. He regained thecapacity for speech. It's limited, however. He speaks haltingly, in the manner of a very young child. He has trouble coming up with the right words. Once he learned Father was speaking again, Naroq came to Father's quarters to question him about the attack, with Captain Janeway and Dad monitoring the interview. Father was able to remember a little about the attack. He told them he was scanning . . . but then he didn't want to remember any more. When Naroq pressed him a little too hard about the cloaking frequency, the captain intervened and ended the discussion. I spoke to our visitor afterwards. Naroq was disappointed, but he remains confident that Father will remember more in the very near future.

Father didn't seem to be afraid of me when I visited him this evening. Dad and I brought him to the Mess Hall to play Kal-Toh with Harry. It didn't go too well, I'm sorry to say. With Father's first move, the Kal-Toh pieces collapsed . . . well, actually, it was more like an explosion. Father stood up and declared he didn't like this game. When we got him back inside his quarters, he became quite agitated and began to yell at us that he'd never be the way he used to be. He pulled down a bookshelf and tore the Vulcan flag off his wall. The Doctor came, sedated Father, and brought him to Sickbay, where he spent the night under the Doctor's supervision.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53268**

When Dad visited Father in Sickbay, Father apologized for his outburst by offering him a flower he'd fashioned out of wax. Dad was touched. When Father began to talk about how he couldn't do _anything_ as well as he once did, Dad told him that he did some things better now. For example, his sense of humor has improved. Father smiled - something he _never_ does. When Dad added that Father would never have given him a gift before, Father picked up on what Dad was really saying. "We weren't friends?" Dad explained they were colleagues, and that Dad admired and felt affection for him. Father noticed what Dad had left out - that Father didn't feel any affection for Dad in return. Dad couldn't bring himself to say that normally, Father merely tolerates him. That's a bit too much for him to admit at any time, let alone right now, at such a delicate time in Father's recovery.

Late last night, while I was in my own quarters meditating, Dad went to the Mess Hall to think. He found Seven evaluating methods of finding the Ba'Neth ships when they're out of range of our deflector dish. They had a brief discussion. Dad was mourning the loss of the Tuvok he'd always known. Seven pointed out that when she was disconnected from the Collective, she had to adapt, not by becoming the pre-assimilation Annika, but the Seven she now _could_ become, and that was something the captain helped her achieve. This conversation prompted Dad to ask Father if there was anything _he_ wanted to do. Father said he wanted to do what _Dad_ liked to do.

They ended up in the kitchen, naturally. Father proved to have quite a flair for desserts. He has the talent to become the premiere pastry chef of the entire Delta Quadrant (or _Voyager,_ at least). When the captain and I went to the Mess Hall for our break, Harry and Tom were there, scarfing up an array of sundaes and delicate pastries. Dad handed a terra-nut soufflé to the captain to try, while I nibbled on a sweet leola root tart - normally quite an acquired taste. I was stunned. While I'd always assumed my love of cooking came strictly from Dad's heritage, perhaps I need to credit Father's Vulcan sensibilities as well. He combined ingredients one would expect to clash horribly, but which turned out to be delicious together. Through a judicious use of seasonings, not to mention a healthy portion of whipped topping, his tart was luscious.

Father went to the kitchen to frost a pistachio cake with parra-crème frosting. Captain Janeway moaned with pleasure when she heard what he was preparing. "Parra-crème is my favorite!" she said, and followed Father and Dad into the kitchen. While Father was frosting the cake, she spoke very gently, trying to help him remember anything at all about the cloaking frequency. Hesitantly, he admitted he'd seen one on his tricorder, but when she asked him to describe it using technical terms, he couldn't understand her vocabulary. Since my sharp Vulcan hearing allowed me to overhear their conversation, I walked over to the counter to suggest to Captain Janeway we return to the bridge before Father became agitated.

Father finished decorating the cake and, just as I reached them, handed the cake to her. The red decoration on top of the parra-crème frosting was quite fascinating. She immediately recognized it as the diagram of a cloaking frequency, as it would appear on a tricorder display screen.

With the help of our computer's image recognition program, the riddle of the cloaking frequency was solved. Once we knew the frequency, we were able to track a location that matched it. When we arrived, we shot a pulse out of the deflector dish that literally "lit up" a huge cloaked space station. The mythological beings - who clearly were not myths - weren't happy to be discovered. They powered up weapons and began to fire at _Voyager_ \- until the captain announced she would transmit the coordinates of the station and the cloaking frequency to the Kesat home world if the attack continued. The firing stopped. The captain's message was quite simple. She wanted detailed information about the weapon that had injured Father, so our EMH could analyze it and devise a cure. The Ba'Neth said they don't share technology, they only gather information to assess potential threats.

Because of the open channel, when Naroq exulted that he'd been right about the motive for the attacks, the Ba'Neth heard him. The Ba'Neth told the captain, "The Kesat investigator cannot to be trusted. He's been attempting to expose us for years. He is a threat. He must be stopped." While Naroq may have been as pleased to learn the Ba'Neth knew of him as he was that his theory about why they attacked foreign ships had been confirmed, he realized our danger when the Ba'Neth began to power up their weapons once again. Individually, their weapons had done little damage to _Voyager_ , but twenty-two Ba'Neth vessels surrounded the station, which was also armed with weaponry. Our shielding might _not_ be able to withstand a combined assault. At that point, Naroq made what I thought was a most noble gesture. He offered to give them his photolytic converter, which had revealed their station to us. "You can use it to adapt your technology, so that ours can no longer expose you." After a moment, they agreed.

Once the information about the weapon was received and Naroq had fulfilled his promise to send the Ba'Neth his photolytic converter, Captain Janeway assured Naroq she would supply any and all images and documentation from this investigation to his superiors on Kesat, confirming the existence of the Ba'Neth. The investigator's long quest to justify his theories is over.

 **Supplemental**

When Dad went to Father's quarters to give him the good news that the Doctor had developed a procedure to cure him, Father said he didn't want to be cured. He wanted to continue to "have fun" with Dad. I think Dad's heart was broken, just a little, because he knew when Father went back to his logical self, their close friendship would come to an end. Dad told him they could still have fun, but after the procedure, Father would prefer to call it "deriving satisfaction."

When Father asked Dad why he wanted him to go back to the way he was before, when he merely "tolerated" him, Dad replied, "Because this crew needs its tactical officer on the bridge, and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I ignored that, just so you'd be nicer to me." Dad had a catch in his throat when he told me this, but the explanation worked. Father said he'd go to Sickbay with him. I was waiting outside of Father's quarters, with orders to _make_ Father go to Sickbay if Dad could not convince him to go there on his own. We walked to Sickbay together, as a family. Just before Father jumped onto the biobed for treatment, he reached over to me, patted me on the shoulder, and, for the first time I can remember, smiled at me and called me "Son." As we left Sickbay, Dad said he was going to "miss him." Although the Doctor and I agreed, we all knew it had to be. This ship needs a healthy Lieutenant Commander Tuvok running the Tactical and Security Division. The needs of the many, and all that.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53275**

The Doctor has cured Father and cleared him for duty. Commander Tuvok is back. He's very formal with everyone, including my Dad. Tonight, in the Mess Hall, Dad offered Father a glass of champagne to "celebrate" his return to duty. Father preferred a cup of tea. Since Dad is planning a special dinner to celebrate Father's return to duty, he asked Father if he'd like to prepare one of his wonderful desserts for the party. Father's reply was disappointing on many levels (especially to me, since his creations are so delicious). Father said he had "more important things to do than engage in the preparation of nutritionally deficient foods."

As Dad walked sadly away to fetch the tea, Father suddenly said, "Sundays. The ensign could also eat the Sundays." It was another answer to the riddle Dad had presented on the _Delta Flyer_. Dad replied, smiling broadly, that this wasn't a very "logical answer." Father agreed; and although he didn't smile back at him, Dad said, he did seem pleased.

 **Supplemental**

I spoke to the Doctor after Dad told me the delightful story about the ensign eating the Sundays as well as the dates. I wanted to know if he thought Father would suffer any long-term effects from his injury. The EMH said he doesn't believe so. I wanted to agree, but I felt compelled to point out that Father has had a number of neural insults during the past five years. When he was treating Lon Suder with mind melds to control the Betazoid's murderous impulses, he became violent himself. Kes severely injured him when she lost control of her mental powers, after meeting Tanis on Suspiria's space station. The Doctor had to cure Father when the memory virus afflicted him. And, of course, some damage may have come about when he was combined with Dad to form me, and more, perhaps, when he was reconstituted as an individual through Neevok's sacrifice. And now that he'd suffered this attack by the Ba'Neth . . .

The Doctor stopped me before I could recite any more examples. He assured me he's a very skilled physician and has completely cured Father after every problematic incident. He hustled me out of his Sickbay with a final, "Don't worry so much, Tuvix!"

After I arrived at my quarters tonight, I meditated for quite a long time about my conversation with the EMH. I'll try to suppress the anxiety I feel on Father's behalf. The Doctor is just as capable as he claims, but I still worry. Father has suffered more than his share of neural traumas since he's been on _Voyager_. Even if each individual event _was_ cured, the cumulative effects may leave him vulnerable to future injury. I won't say anything about this to anyone now. I hope it will never become an issue. I _will_ speak up, however, if Father is ever assigned a task that carries with it a significant risk of neural damage. Even the purely Vulcan brain isn't invulnerable.

=/\=


	60. Hitchhiker

=/\=

 **Stardate 53279**

Dad is very nervous about our visit to this nebula. Fortunately, although this one is relatively small for its classification, we've found an abundance of deuterium here. We've been running low on this substance, which we need to fuel our warp drive and other systems. There's quite a bit of turbulence, however, and that's what's bothering Dad. The whole ship jumped at one point this afternoon, as if it had been bumped by a cosmic force of some kind.

Father came to my quarters a little while ago and asked me to spend time with Dad, since he's been seriously disquieted by the way this nebula obscures the view from all of ship's windows. Dad recounted a story to Father about a childhood memory, when a plasma drift covered the sun, moons, and stars in the Talaxian sky for months. I told Father I would do as he asked, since that's a memory I've retained, too. It's a disturbing one because Dad's feelings of terror during that time overlay all the remembered images, which really are quite ghastly. It's possible, of course, that they've been embellished over the years by Dad's vivid imagination.

Since Dad was only five years old when this happened, he was too young to comprehend any detailed explanations he may have received about the science involved. The only one I can remember came from his mother Axia. She told him he didn't need to worry; the sun, moons, and stars were all still there, only obscured by bigger clouds than usual. She assured him they would move off eventually, the way clouds always do.

Those particular memories don't bother me the way they do Dad. Even if they did, I have Vulcan meditation techniques I can use to calm myself. Dad does not.

I asked Father how _he's_ been doing. His recovery from the trauma to his brain inflicted by the Ba'Neth was accomplished only a few days ago. He assured me he's "functioning at an optimal level." I had to hide my smile until after he left. That's a very typical Father response to an inquiry regarding his health. I was pleased he wished me to provide comfort to Dad at a time my Talaxian parent will find very stressful. He knows I can give him the type of support Father really isn't equipped to provide. My two parents are too different to ever become extremely close friends - when both are "functioning optimally," that is - but Father certainly remembers how well Dad cared for him, especially during the early stages of his recovery, when he was unable to speak and barely able to function. While it's unlikely they'll have very much "fun" together in the future, I wish they would try, in the kitchen, at least. I miss Father, the pastry chef extraordinaire.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53282**

Dad is feeling much better since we exited the nebula, He can see the stars again. Although we had to leave the nebula prematurely, when it began to destabilize, our ship's deuterium storage tanks are now more than 80% full. The captain and commander are satisfied with the amount we were able to collect. As we were leaving the nebula, everyone on the ship felt several more jolts. Since the only explanation for it is the standard, "It's simply some turbulence," we're happy to put this region behind us.

I'm sure the captain will find another cosmic phenomenon to examine very soon. She's always on the lookout for anything unusual. She had a lot of fun analyzing this J-Class Nebula. Seven was kept very busy in Astrometrics, too, taking all sorts of measurements the captain requested. Yesterday, Jenny Delaney told me that, like Dad, she'd felt a little claustrophobic while we were inside the nebula. She prefers to study them from a distance.

The captain loves her gaseous anomalies. Not everyone does.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53286**

Megan Delaney came to my duty station after everyone was back on board and said, "It's late for Mardi Gras and way too early for Halloween." I'm not exactly sure how those holidays correspond to our current stardate, but I know exactly what she meant. Some very strange things have happened to us. We had to abandon ship! While the entire crew is now back on board, I can't say everything is back to normal. We have a new . . . passenger, I guess I should call it. Him. She? He/she/it isn't a member of the crew. It's a fellow traveler, on its way home. Unlike us, however, it doesn't know exactly where it's headed.

Our troubles began even before _Voyager_ had completely exited the nebula. The ship shook so much, Tom said he had trouble holding onto the helm for a minute! Everyone in the Mess Hall was treated to a spiderweb-like energy pattern on the walls for few moments. Dad missed this, fortunately, since he was in Cargo Bay Two fetching stored food items for our evening meal. A lightning-like discharge penetrated our hull, which caused power outages on portions of three decks. We also lost our auxiliary computer subprocessors. There were no crew casualties, however, and B'Elanna's engineers quickly made repairs so we could get underway again.

It wasn't long before we discovered new damage, or some we missed during our initial evaluation. Half the sonic showers went off-line. One of our two transporter rooms was knocked out of commission. When Deck Five lost artificial gravity, Ensign Mulcahey hit his head on the ceiling. The captain became really irritated, however, when the requested cup of her favorite beverage - coffee, black - was bitter and metallic-tasting. She spilled out the first cup and ordered a second. The ready room replicator made her the coffee, but it failed to create a cup to hold it first. The liquid splashed all over the floor. The captain added replicators to the "Need to Be Evaluated and Repaired When Necessary" list. When a disgruntled, coffeeless captain approached her window and glanced out into space, she realized we had a more serious problem than bad coffee. _Voyager_ was passing the same cluster of meteoroids it had passed only an hour before. Our ship was traveling in circles.

Tom's instrument display indicated his navigational sensors were functioning normally. When Father ran a diagnostic, he was able to confirm they were not. The ship had made a 180 degree turn and was moving in the direction we'd just left. Suddenly, the engines accelerated to warp 6, then shut down just as abruptly and mysteriously. Tom hadn't touched the controls to prompt any of these actions. Our real problems were just beginning.

When the captain tried to contact B'Elanna, in Engineering, to ask if she knew why these things were happening, she couldn't. Communications between decks were down. When Commander Chakotay entered the turbolift to inquire in person, the lift stopped front of the Mess Hall on Deck 2 instead of on Deck 11. When he stepped onto the lift again, the doors refused to close at first, but when he tried to get off, they shut and wouldn't reopen. When he requested descent to Deck 11, the carriage plunged down uncontrollably. If the stabilizers hadn't reinitialized at the last possible second, the commander could have been seriously injured or even killed.

Problems with bio-neural gel packs and the EM system surfaced everywhere. Seven was almost asphyxiated when another malfunction, this time to the venting system in the cargo bay, funneled poisonous nebula gasses inside the ship, rather than breathable air. She collapsed in a corridor outside the cargo bay from lack of oxygen. If B'Elanna and Commander Chakotay hadn't been tracing the pattern of the EM malfunctions on her tricorder and found her lying there, boxed in by force fields, Seven would have died.

Tom joined Seven in Sickbay shortly afterwards. An EM discharge jumped out of his helm station and burned his face. Then all the air on the bridge began venting away. The captain gave the order to abandon Deck 1. I helped her carry Tom down to Deck 5. By this time, Sickbay was filling up rapidly with other members of the crew who had been injured by EM discharges. When the Doctor's holomatrix began to malfunction, we quickly uploaded his program into his mobile emitter. Once the uninjured senior staff compared notes, they concluded that all of the injuries were related to the ship's Electro-Magnetic systems in some way or other. The captain ordered that any necessary travel between decks would be done through the Jefferies tubes. When power to Sickbay began to fail, she gave the order for everyone to climb down to _Voyager's_ lowest level, the engineering decks, closest to the ship's power sources. Father volunteered to climb up from Sickbay to the Mess Hall to notify Dad, since the entire communication system was out and Dad had no idea what had been happening. I helped with the transfer of patients down to the engineering decks from Sickbay.

We all realized an alien intelligence was the likely culprit. This hypothesis was proven correct when the computer began to "speak" with the alien's voice. The captain began to negotiate with it. The entity told her it wanted to home to its J-Class nebula. Unfortunately, the destabilization which prompted our premature exit had continued unabated after we left. Its old nebula had dissipated.

The angry alien intelligence took over _Voyager_ and forced the crew to abandon ship in shuttles and escape pods. Captain Janeway stayed behind to continue negotiating with the entity. She convinced it that the ship couldn't bring it to a new home without the crew to staff it. When the entity tried to force the captain to be "the crew," she refused to cooperate.

Eventually, she persuaded the entity that unless it permitted our entire crew's return, it would never reach a new place to live. Once our humanoid crew was back on _Voyager_ , we created an artificial environment on Deck 12 for our passenger. It pulled out of the ship's EM system and into the "quarters" it will occupy until we can find a suitable nebula in which it can live. Deck 12, Section 42 is off limits to everyone but senior officers and Security staff. The entity's gases contain corrosive elements that can make anyone sick, as Seven can attest.

This particular First Contact was very difficult. Since the alien intelligence was so different from humanoid life, we couldn't detect his presence in the nebula before we began to collect its deuterium. I actually feel rather badly about destroying its original home. At least the being is safe for now on Deck 12. That's the most important thing.

And, as it turned out, our captain's passion for studying cosmic phenomenon has provided us with the data we need to facilitate our quest to find the entity another home. We possess a very detailed analysis of the composition of the creature's original J-Class nebula. As soon as Astrometrics was fully operational, Seven began to search for its next domicile. Unfortunately, that particular nebula had unique characteristics. While deuterium is commonly found in nebulae of all types, the other constituent gasses were in quite different proportions from those found in most J-Classes.

Since our journey to the Alpha Quadrant will be a long one, we'll pass many other nebulae along the way. I'm certain we'll be able to find the right one for our hitchhiker - eventually.

=/\=


	61. Rest in Peace

=/\=

 **Stardate 53301**

We held Lieutenant John Mark Kelly's funeral today. A memorial service was held for him on Earth in December, 2032. We held his actual funeral today, in the year 2376. Our crew has, at long last, recovered his mummified mortal remains from the Aries IV command module, from inside a graviton ellipse.

When that rolling ball of energy approached _Voyager_ , Commander Chakotay and Tom, who have been fascinated by and students of the early space exploration programs of Earth, both noticed its resemblance to the phenomenon which killed Lieutenant John Kelly. He was in the command module in orbit around Mars during its first manned mission and described the sudden emergence of a football-shaped phenomenon to the other members of his team, just before the command module was swallowed up. The survivors were stranded on the Martian surface for weeks before they were rescued. After Father and Seven identified compounds inside "Spatial Anomaly 521" (as the Borg call it, according to Seven) that were consistent with an early 21st century spacecraft, the captain decided to send an away team inside, to see if they could recover any artifacts.

Once inside, they discovered asteroid fragments, alien vessels - and the _Ares IV_ command module, still basically intact after three and a half centuries. The commander wanted to tractor it out of the ellipse and onto _Voyager_ for study, but his plans were ruined when a dark matter asteroid crashed into the ellipse. The impact damaged the shuttle and gave Commander Chakotay a severe concussion and internal injuries. The shuttle's power supply system was also severely compromised. Once communications were reestablished between _Voyager_ and the _Flyer_ , B'Elanna told Tom that the module contained an ion distributor that wasn't that much different from the _Flyer's_ power transfer technology. With a few modifications, it could replace the damaged plasma manifold in the _Flyer_. Since Tom had to remain with Commander Chakotay to monitor his medical condition, the captain ordered Seven to beam to the capsule to retrieve the manifold. Before she left for the module, Commander Chakotay asked Seven to download whatever she could recover from the module's computer database.

When Seven arrived, Lieutenant Kelly's body was still strapped into the command chair. When she brought the computer on line, an open datafile began to play. Tom and Commander Chakotay could hear it through Seven's open com link and realized Kelly had not died instantly, as everyone had assumed. He lived for several days, until he shut down life support when he saw that his power was about to run out. He left his transpectral imager to continue recording data for as long as possible. Although he couldn't transmit to his contemporaries the fact that he'd seen parts of alien spacecraft inside the ellipse, confirming that human beings were not alone in the universe, Lieutenant Kelly should receive credit as the first Terran to recognize this fact. Of course, his information _is_ somewhat out of date by now. My existence on _Voyager_ , as the son of two members of alien races, is definitive proof of that, but that does not diminish Lieutenant Kelly's achievements.

After Kelly's last-ditch attempt to extricate himself from the ellipse failed, he knew he would never be rescued. While he gallantly faced certain death, he continued to document his observations. He hoped someone would discover them someday and put them to good use. He never believed his mission was a failure. Lieutenant Kelly was an explorer to his very last breath. I was so impressed with him when I had the opportunity to listen to his last words.

Once she'd removed the manifold needed to replace the _Flyer's_ ion distributor, Seven placed her combadge on Lieutenant Kelly's remains. She instructed Tom to lock onto her biosignature as well as her combadge to transport her back to the _Delta Flyer_. By recovering Kelly's body and downloading the data from the _Ares IV_ computer, Seven preserved history, something that, prior to leaving on the away mission, she'd discounted as irrelevant. After hearing John Kelly continue his mission after he no longer had any hope of surviving himself, and that he knows "We are not alone," Seven understood what the captain, as well as Lieutenant John Kelly, had been saying about the benefits of exploration.

The captain's elegy was profoundly moving. She noted that the word "space" means "emptiness," but that emptiness connects all of our planets of origin to the others. Explorers like Kelly led people such as ourselves to lead our lives in space.

Before the honor guard lifted the photon torpedo casket into the launcher, to be shot out into the emptiness of normal space, lit by veils of nebulae and a myriad of stars, Seven asked to say a few words of her own. As she walked slowly towards the torpedo holding his mortal remains, Seven compared Lieutenant Kelly's desire to explore the universe to the quest for perfection, which has always been so important to her. And then Seven leaned down and whispered, "Yankees in six." One of Kelly's final regrets was that he would never learn who won the 2032 World Series between the London Kings and the New York Yankees. Lieutenant John Mark Kelly may not have been able to hear that his favorite baseball team had won the World Series that year; but Seven was pleased to share it with him, nevertheless.

=/\=

Author's Note: In memory of my cousin Patrick John "PJ" Toner, a terrific musician and a great person. Rest in Peace, Soul Cat. - 5/22/1959-10/28/2018


	62. Daydreams

=/\=

 **Stardate 53314**

The Doctor has added a new subroutine to his mounting list of hobbies: the ECH, or the Electronic Command Hologram. Tom was quite disgusted when we heard about this. "He wants to command the ship now, too! What's next? President of the Federation?" I whispered to Tom that it might be better to control his vocal volume if he mentions that to anyone else. He wouldn't want the Doctor to hear him say it, since he'd already "been" the "President of Earth" in Tom's Captain Program holodeck program. Tom groaned, but he agreed that the Doctor doesn't need any more suggestions for new subroutines to fuel his already substantial ego.

 **Supplemental**

The ECH isn't a single new subroutine introduced into the Doctor's holomatrix. He decided he wanted to be able to daydream and has introduced "cognitive projection algorithms" into his program. While the concept of a hologram fantasizing to amuse himself might be acceptable to the crew at large as just another expansion of his personality matrix, the ECH isn't the only one. Some subjects are likely to upset people - like Tom, for instance.

When the Doctor reported that this new subroutine was malfunctioning, Harry, Seven, and B'Elanna examined his matrix on the holodeck. The ECH didn't upset them as some of the other scenarios. In one, the captain, B'Elanna, and Seven are arguing about which of them will become his romantic partner. In another daydream, the EMH imagined himself as a great artist, a student of the great daVinci, perhaps. Dressed in full artist's regalia of smock and beret, the Doctor was painting Seven - a naked Seven of Nine.

When Tom heard about the Doctor co-opting Tom's own girlfriend into his daydreams, he was livid. B'Elanna thought the idea of the three senior staff officers fighting over the Doctor's attentions was quite funny, until she watched her image beg the Doctor not to dump her and saying Tom "wasn't half the man" the Doctor was, after the EMH pointed out that Tom still cared for her. B'Elanna stalked angrily off the holodeck where they were viewing the EMH's daydreams and sought out Father to request a "refresher" course in meditative techniques. She said she needed to calm herself down before she impulsively took radical action against the EMH holomatrix because of the Doctor's slur regarding Tom's masculinity.

I haven't heard what the captain may have thought. It's not the sort of thing I would ever bring up to her directly! I do know the Doctor made a formal request to incorporate tactical subroutines into his ECH persona, so he would be able to command the ship in a catastrophic emergency. She hadn't been willing before; I doubt what she saw on the holodeck will change her mind.

I'm also not sure what Seven's reaction was to seeing herself posing in the nude. I haven't had the chance to ask her, but I suspect she would consider it irrelevant. The Doctor has already viewed all of her charms during medical examinations.

I did get the opportunity to elicit Harry's opinion. He just shrugged and laughed nervously. From his response, I gather this is the first time he's ever seen Seven of Nine in the nude.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53317**

The cause of the Doctor's daydream subroutine's malfunctioning has been revealed. The cognitive projection algorithms have been thrown off kilter because of intrusions by an alien being. This alien, who called himself Phlox, secretly notified the Doctor that _Voyager_ is in danger. His people attack ships to steal desirable items and technology. Phlox scans passing vessels and reports to his superiors whether they have anything his people may wish to "acquire." Since Phlox was unable to scan through _Voyager's_ shielding, he discovered an alternate method of surveillance by tapping into the Doctor's holographic program. He heard and saw what the Doctor heard, said, or did. Unfortunately for Phlox, all the images he viewed came from the Doctor's daydreaming subroutine. Phlox "saw" the ECH take over _Voyager's_ bridge after Captain Janeway's "death." The ECH then proceeded to "destroy" a huge Borg cube through the use of his "photonic cannon." Phlox informed his supervisor, or Overlooker, that our ship had lost its captain. These aliens must have a very bureaucratic structure. Phlox's Overlooker reported to the "Hierarchy" that our vessel was vulnerable to attack because of the loss of our captain. As a result, the Hierarchy ordered an attack on _Voyager_.

Phlox was mortified when he realized that what he was viewing was the Doctor's fantasies, not real events. His people are intolerant of all mistakes, and the orders to attack were based upon Phlox's reporting misinformation to his superiors - a very major mistake, indeed. Phlox asked the Doctor if he could help him by posing as the ECH, to fool his Overlooker. The captain decided to go along with the plan - to a point. While the Doctor played the role of the ECH on the bridge, the captain was "pulling the strings" of her holographic puppet by telling him how to handle the situation, step by step, through a remote comlink.

After Phlox reminded his supervisor that the ECH's "photonic cannon" destroyed a Borg cube, the attack on _Voyager_ was called off. Phlox's career as a spy has been saved, dubious though it may be. A grateful Phlox has provided information to us about ways to detect any other Hierarchy ships which might be lying in wait to ambush our vessel, as he reported they have quite a few in the area. With any luck, the report of our deadly "photonic cannon" will be communicated to all of them, and _Voyager_ assigned to the category of "unacceptable risk." We hope we'll manage to avoid further contact from this species.

Because of this experience, the captain has reconsidered her initial objections to adding some aspects of the ECH into the Doctor's matrix. A situation could arise in which the ECH was the only form of intelligence available for a short period. She didn't make him any promises, but she's no longer ruling out providing him with enough tactical information so that he could make _appropriate_ command decisions if necessary.

 **Supplemental**

Tom is still peeved about the Doctor's daydreaming program, especially the scenario that had his girlfriend B'Elanna fighting with the captain and Seven for the Doctor's attentions. I heard him muttering about how the EMH had endangered the ship with his daydreams, "and then he got a medal from the captain and a kiss from Seven for his efforts!"

I reminded Tom that he hadn't gotten into any trouble about _Alice_ , and he calmed down and admitted, "You're right, Tuvix. I had to break the Prime Directive to get demoted. The Doc performed fairly well as our 'captain,' and those aliens withdrew their plans to attack us. But he'd better not daydream about B'Elanna anymore!"

I've advised the Doctor that it's unwise to populate his daydreaming subroutine with images of crew members, especially if the crew member in question is already involved romantically. Since Tom and B'Elanna are just about the only members of the crew who are truly a couple, the Doctor knew exactly which crew member I was warning him to forego. I could have mentioned Tom's unauthorized use of B'Elanna's human face in the "Sainte-Claire World War II" program, which he's since scrubbed from the holodeck character files. Tom learned his lesson when he realized B'Elanna could have seen it if she'd ever ventured into the program on her own, before the Hirogen invasion turned those holoprogram files, and almost our ship, into rubble. When the Doctor told me he "reserved the right" to use any person's image he chose in the future, but he did take note that "B'Elanna, regrettably, will be off limits," I decided I wouldn't. I hope I won't have cause to regret that decision in the future.

I'm not so sure he'll be able to resist including Seven of Nine - although maybe he should. After the captain presented him with the Starfleet Medal of Commendation for "saving the ship" from the aliens and Seven gave him the traditional kiss on the cheek, she also told him _not_ to expect her to pose for him. I do hope he can restrain himself from fantasizing about her in the nude in the future. She's not likely to be quite as forgiving if there ever _is_ a next time.

=/\=

Author's Note: I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween-j


	63. Our Lieutenant Barclay

=/\=

 **Stardate 53340**

Seven and Dad were in Astrometrics discussing his lack of perfect pitch, a quality which Seven believes is required if she is to continue giving him singing lessons. (Since Dad has no ability to carry a tune at all, his singing lessons are as futile for him as my mind-melding lessons with Father are for me.) Their sparring was interrupted when her instruments alerted her with a very short beep, indicating an incoming communication.

Seven immediately contacted the bridge, according to protocol. I was there, manning the secondary tactical station behind the captain. I heard the entire exchange. I don't usually do this, but this was such a precious moment, I wanted to preserve it for myself for all time. I went to the official logs to copy exactly what was said on the bridge today.

 _"I've detected what appears to be a micro-wormhole at coordinates 194.6 by 35."_

Our crew had direct contact with the Alpha Quadrant once before, very early in our journey. A micro-wormhole was involved that time, too. The captain was able to communicate _Voyager's_ situation in the Delta Quadrant to a Romulan scientist. Telek used that wormhole to travel to _Voyager_ and visit with us; but after he arrived. we discovered the wormhole wasn't just a passageway through space. There was also a temporal rift, and the scientist wasn't our contemporary. He'd come from twenty years in the past. Before returning to his own time and place, Telek promised to notify everyone's family of our survival, but only after _Voyager_ was lost, to protect the time stream. After Telek left, Father checked the database and discovered he'd died four years before _Voyager_ was lost. He must not have left any messages to be sent off posthumously. If he had done so, the Doctor's appearance and revelations on the _Prometheus_ would have been old news, not a shock, to Starfleet Command. The captain may have had this in mind from the tentative way she responded to Seven. "A micro-wormhole?"

 _"I believe a message is being transmitted through it . . . on a Starfleet emergency channel!"_

All of us on the bridge appeared as stunned as Seven sounded through the com.

The captain ordered Harry to play the message. It was distorted but clear enough for us to distinguish a man's voice. _"Starfleet Command to USS Voyager. Come in, Voyager."_

The captain and Harry fiddled with the audio resolution, and his next words were much easier to understand. _"Do you hear me? This is Lieutenant Reginald Barclay."_

Suddenly, the signal cut off. "That's it," Harry solemnly told us. "Whoever this Barclay is, he stopped transmitting,"

Father ran a scan the check on the signal's source. "The micro-wormhole is collapsing at a rate of 0.2 percent per second."

Although the wormhole was rapidly disappearing, it hadn't yet closed completely, as I could see from my tactical display. The captain must have seen the same thing on hers, on the arm of her command chair. She ran up to Ops, and Harry stepped aside.

"I hope Mr. Barclay is listening." She sent a message of her own. "Starfleet Command, come in. This is Captain Kathryn Janeway. Do you read me?"

Several seconds passed. I'm sure it wasn't a full minute, even though it seemed like hours before we heard a response: _"Captain . . . This is Lieutenant Reginald Barclay at Starfleet Command."_

The captain's emotions were obvious to us on the bridge when she replied, in a shaky voice, "It's good to hear your voice, Lieutenant. We've been waiting a long time for this moment."

 _"The feeling is mutual. Unfortunately, the micro-wormhole is collapsing. We have only a few moments."_

"Understood. We're transmitting our ship's logs, crew reports and navigational records to you now." The captain nodded at Father, who indicated with a bob of his own head that he was doing so at that moment.

 _"Acknowledged. And we're sending you data on some new hyper-subspace technology. We're hoping, eventually, to use it to keep in regular contact. And we're including some recommended modifications for your com system."_

"We'll implement them as soon as possible."

 _"There's someone else here who would also like to say something,"_ Lieutenant Barclay murmured, before we heard a different voice say, _"This is Admiral Paris."_

I saw Tom stiffen in shock.

When the captain heard the admiral's voice she smiled. I was aware, thanks to Father's memories, that he'd been her mentor for many years. "Hello, sir."

 _"How are your people holding up?"_

Captain Janeway walked up behind Tom and placed her hand upon his shoulder. "Very well. They're an exemplary crew . . . your son included."

 _Voyager_ and Starfleet Command may be light years away from each other, and we had no visual on the admiral, but the slight catch in his voice told me he was filled with emotion when he said, _"Tell him . . . tell him I miss him. And I'm proud of him."_

From where she stood behind Tom at the helm, the captain replied. "He heard you, Admiral."

The voices were becoming a little fuzzy. I heard Lieutenant Barclay's voice in the background, advising the admiral that the wormhole was collapsing. The admiral quickly continued, _"I want you all to know we're doing everything we can to bring you home."_

Captain Janeway said, "We appreciate it, sir. Keep a docking bay open for us!"

The admiral started to say something else, but there was a burst of static, and that was it. Our contact with the Alpha Quadrant, for this day, at least, was over. We'll have to wait to find out whatever else he meant to say . . . until next time.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53341**

Dad never needs much of an excuse to throw a party. This particular celebration began at 1500 hours, right after word flashed through _Voyager_ that, at long last, we'd had direct contact with Starfleet Command. The stragglers didn't leave until 0235 this morning, well into Gamma shift. Everyone had a chance to come to the Mess Hall at some point to rejoice. I helped Dad prepare more snacks and replicate champagne when I saw how exhausted he was getting, toward the end of Beta shift. It's now 0432, but I can't sleep. I'm still too excited by yesterday's events.

Since I was on duty during Alpha shift, I was able to celebrate with the rest of the bridge crew. When B'Elanna asked if anyone knew who Lieutenant Barclay was, only the Doctor could respond. He vaguely remembered that he was one of the engineers who worked on the original EMH with Doctor Lewis Zimmerman (proving that after the matrix issues he's had over the past few years, he really doesn't have total recall anymore), but he'd looked up Barclay's personnel record. According to the Doctor, Lieutenant Barclay has had a "rather colorful career - not to mention an unusual medical history!" I don't think our EMH was following protocol for Doctor-Patient Confidentiality, or maybe he thought it didn't matter, since he'd never treated the lieutenant personally. The Doctor revealed he's suffered from transporter phobia and holo-addiction, among other maladies. But, as the captain said, whatever his problems might be, "He certainly came through for us!" And Commander Chakotay said he thought Mr. Barclay deserved a promotion.

When Seven arrived from Astrometrics, having analyzed the data Mr. Barclay sent us about the hyper-subspace technology, she pronounced it "promising. I believe we'll be able to communicate with Earth again in the future.

I don't know what Dad really thinks about all of this. After all, he's the one person on our vessel who has no ties at all with the Alpha Quadrant, except through me. But he's the one who responded to Seven's news by saying, "That calls for a toast!"

Captain Janeway smiled and turned to our helmsman. "Care to do the honors, Tom?"

Tom, who can usually come up with a _bon mot_ or a wisecrack to suit any occasion, still seemed to be in shock about hearing his father's voice, from the wording of his toast: "To my dad. It's nice to know he's still there." Before anyone had a chance to respond, Tom added, "And to the newest honorary member of the _Voyager_ crew, Reginald Barclay - whoever you are!"

We all raised our glasses high to salute Admiral Owen Paris and, especially, Lieutenant Reginald Barclay. Tom is right. Lieutenant Barclay has earned his place as an honorary member of our crew. No one deserves our approbation more than he does. And, with luck, we'll talk to him again - and maybe even meet him - very soon.

 **Supplemental**

I meditated for an hour, but I'm still too keyed-up to sleep. Fortunately, I'm not scheduled to work until Beta shift today. Before I go to bed, I have a few more thoughts to record about this momentous day. One is my reaction to being on the bridge when it all occurred. Getting to hear the entire exchange "live," so to speak, was just as thrilling as the party was. I suspect being on the scene during that first contact with "home" will mean even more to me, as time goes by.

Everyone I spoke with was ecstatic about the prospect of future contact with the Alpha Quadrant. Even the former Maquis members of our crew, who were devastated by the news Commander Chakotay received from his friend Sveta through the Hirogen array, are eager to maintain communications with "home." Many of them expressed the hope they'll find out more of their family and friends, even those who were fighting the Cardassians, have found a way to survive. They hold to the belief that many have found refuge - on Bajor, perhaps, or somewhere in the Federation itself. I certainly hope so.

I hope B'Elanna can receive definitive word about her mother's status very soon. After her experience on the "Barge of the Dead," I've always wondered if it was real in a physical sense. It certainly was in a psychological sense. B'Elanna has been working with Father to control her anger regularly now. Her struggle to control it will probably be life-long, just as Father and I must meditate regularly to keep our strongest emotions in check.

As for Tom, from the shocked look on his face when he heard his father say he was proud of him, I find myself wondering if Tom has ever heard his father express that to him before. From Tom's stories about his relationship with his father, I had built up a picture of him in my mind that was much more gruff and unforgiving. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then so is ugliness and grief. Tom has admitted he was to blame for much of the difficulty he had with the admiral. Perhaps Tom's loss softened Admiral Paris' attitude towards his only son. After this long separation they may appreciate each other more. Father _and_ son may be able to share the love they fee which they've found difficult to express in the past.

I wonder what the reaction to Lieutenant John Kelly's logs will be. I'm willing to bet historians will have a field day studying them. Since so little was really known about graviton ellipses through past sightings, his observations, when coupled with the log entries the _Delta Flyer's_ flight crew made after their successful return to _Voyager_ , will undoubtedly keep Federation astronomers busy for years, combing through the abundance of data. Megan and Jenny Delaney have spent a lot of "off duty" time in Astrometrics with Seven, studying that phenomenon themselves. Jenny has threatened to write a dissertation on it. I hope she does. I'd love to read it!

Dad, as I mentioned before, is the "odd man out" in all of this. He has no actual ties to the Alpha Quadrant, but he says he's looking forward to seeing the worlds of the Federation. He's talking about opening a Talaxian restaurant, or maybe applying for a diplomatic position of some sort, once we arrive. I told him that may not happen for three decades, so he shouldn't get too far ahead of himself. He agreed, but then he mentioned he was going to assemble some recipes and possibly publish a cookbook, once regular contact is established. I have to hand it to Dad. He's learned the hard way that it's better to look forward than always look back.

Father didn't have very much to say at the gathering. A few times, I caught him looking out of the Mess Hall windows, his mind trillions of kilometers away. I can guess the destination. Father misses T'Pel and his other four children terribly. If I'm looking forward to corresponding with my stepmother T'Pel and my half-brothers and half-sister on Vulcan - and I am - what must Father be thinking? I have an inkling, although he would never say it openly, even to me. To utilize a phrase he often uses to admonish me when my Talaxian exuberance gets a little out of hand, "It would not be culturally appropriate." But that doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. He cares for them - loves them - and wants to be with them again, even if it's only by letter.

=/\=


	64. Quiet Little Village

=/\=

 **Stardate 53374**

Tom has developed a new hologram program that everyone seems to love. I find it intriguing.

After he viewed an old 2-D movie set in Ireland called "The Quiet Man," Tom decided he just had to adapt it for the holodeck. He wanted to play the John Wayne character, "Sean Thornton," opposite "Mary Kate O'Torres." The Mary Kate Daneher character, played by Maureen O'Hara in the movie, had a very fiery temperament, to be sure. While that does remind me of B'Elanna, the way Tom chatters, he doesn't fit my idea of the "quiet sort of man" the title character is supposed to be. B'Elanna refused to consider playing the Mary Kate role, but visiting a small Irish village around the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries had its appeal, if nothing else, because of its gorgeous scenery.

Enter "Fair Haven," a quiet little town filled with what Lieutenant Carey and Ensign Mulcahey sneeringly called "stereotypical stage Irish folks with accents to match" - although they don't have any objections to quaffing a pint - or three - at Sullivan's Public House, I notice. The first time I went in, I immediately thought of Sandrine's, but with an Irish twist. I must confess, I like the Irish pub more than the Marseilles tavern. There's more to do. They have arm wrestling competitions, ring-toss and dart-throwing tournaments, poetry recitations - contests of all kinds, really. Tom, the crew, and the townspeople characters he created will wager on just about any activity "to make things interesting," which results in the exchange of a shilling or two. Since the coins are holographic, I don't really mind losing some now and then. When replicator rations are lost in "real world" betting in the Mess Hall, it hurts a lot more! While I enjoy playing an occasional game of pool or listening to the Doctor or Seven perform during visits to Sandrine's, I much prefer the wider variety of activities available at Sullivan's.

I'm relieved that none of the townspeople have said anything to me about my strange features. I don't look like anyone they could have seen in their time period on Earth, let alone on the Emerald Isle. I guess Tom's programmed them to ignore anyone's alien appearance, for B'Elanna's sake, even more than mine or Dad's. Father has already informed me he has no plans to visit the program in the near future. When Father chooses to indulge himself in a holodeck scenario, he prefers to visit the Vulcan Monastery of T'Panit. He says it's a serene setting in which to meditate and finds the chants soothing. They're not really to my taste. The music in Fair Haven's pub is a lot more fun. You can dance to it.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53407**

Captain Janeway has been seen in Fair Haven quite frequently over the past several days, particularly in the late evening hours. Since she started coming there, Michael Sullivan, the publican and bartender, has grown in stature. While he seems a little taller, that must be a trick of my memory. His excellent education, quite unusual for a bartender of the period, is a more noticeable type of "growth." Whether it's something Tom programmed into him from the beginning, or a bit of improvisation on his part, I've heard him speak more about books and poetry since "Katie O'Clare" began to visit, especially when he's with her. Perhaps it's a deliberate attempt on his part to impress her. His character's back story is that he attended Trinity College in Dublin for a few years, but came back to run the family business when his father passed away, or, as the residents of Fair Haven like to put it, "went to the other side." Whatever the reason for the change, I approve. It's good to see our captain enjoying herself for a change.

Captain Janeway is involved with every aspect of running _Voyager_ , which doesn't allow her that much time to "have fun," any more often than it does Father, who supervises twenty two divisions as Head of Security and Operations. Father doesn't have more "fun" even when he has the time to do so because of his strict adherence to Vulcan values.

The captain doesn't have any impediments on that score, but she has few permissible social outlets. While she enjoys the recreational activities organized by Dad, she's usually so busy with the grind of captaining a starship, she tends to arrive late and leave early. A captain can't become involved romantically with anyone on the ship, since everyone is her subordinate. (Of course, everyone knows that many male captains honor that provision through lip service rather than actual practice.)

I don't think the crew would really mind if she had a romance with someone appropriate on this ship, such as Commander Chakotay, but she's quite rigid about following the protocols forbidding such liaisons to the letter. So, although the captain occasionally comes to our parties accompanied by her first officer, she's very careful not to be more than "just friends" with him during their off duty hours. She seems exceptionally lonely to me. It's really not fair to her, but then, this whole situation, traveling so far from our homes, isn't exactly fair, either. But then, no one ever said life is fair. Neevok and I learned that very quickly after our advent.

I know quite a bit about being lonely on a ship of one hundred and fifty or so beings. Since Alyara and I parted, I've been "just friends" with everyone else on this ship, other than Father and Dad. They're my parents, and I enjoy interacting with them, but while I can go to either of them for advice if I wish, it's not the same as it is for, say, Tom and B'Elanna, who are romantically involved, interacting as a couple. I'm pals with them and with Harry, too, but I've never had aclose relationship with another on this ship that could result in a lifelong commitment to a partner someday. While I'm not under the same restrictions as the captain when it comes to relationships, I know I'm not really compatible with anyone else on board here. So, it does get lonely sometimes.

A flirtation with Michael is a nice diversion for "Katie O'Clare." She deserves a little fun. It's enough to make one wonder why anyone would aspire to becoming a starship captain. I know I'm not ambitious on that score. I'm not sure I ever was.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53412**

We're "battening down the hatches," according to Tom. (It's a nautical reference. I looked it up in the database.) A Class-9 neutronic wave front, which Seven insists upon calling by its Borg designation, Classification 3472 Particle Density Anomaly, is approaching our position. This "space weather" apparently was caused by the collision of two neutron stars. Whatever one calls them, they're very dangerous. The neutron radiation emanating from the wavefront has already disrupted our plasma flow. We can't go to warp, and the storm is moving much too fast to escape on impulse drive alone. We'll have to "ride out the storm" (another nautical term). Tom said similar weather patterns on Earth are called hurricanes or typhoons, depending upon where on the globe they're taking place and who is talking about them.

Since just about the entire crew has been enjoying Fair Haven, the captain has given permission for it to be run on both holodecks 24 hours a day. Holodeck One contains the village, Castle O'Dell, on the hilltop overlooking the town, and several farmsteads the neighboring area. The seacoast, where we can go to fish or enjoy the waves crashing on the rocks, is on Holodeck Two.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53417**

Tom has had to shut down the Fair Haven program. When the storm overwhelmed us, we needed to reroute all available power to the deflector dish for _Voyager_ to get through the front. Since we didn't have enough time to shut down the hologrid properly, Fair Haven, which was running at the time, was severely damaged. Most of the characters seem to have survived relatively intact, although some of their subroutines will need to be repaired. The scenery, especially the seacoast section, took a real beating, however. Tom and Harry reviewed what was left after the storm ended. They estimate 90% of the Fair Haven program has been lost.

Tom and Harry have vowed to rebuild it, but it'll take a while. Since none of the other programs were running at the height of the storm, they weren't damaged. Once the hologrid itself has been evaluated and any necessary repairs are made, we'll be able to visit any program _OTHER_ than Fair Haven. I guess we'll have to be satisfied with going to Sandrine's, Dad's resort, and the "Adventures of Captain Proton" programs for the next several weeks, until Tom and Harry have had time to complete the necessary repairs to Fair Haven. It could be worse, I suppose. The Monastery of T'Panit might have been the _only_ program that was spared by the storm. I much prefer playing pool to chanting monks.

=/\=


	65. Fight for Their Lives

=/\=

 **Stardate 53447**

 _Voyager_ will remain in orbit around the Norcadian home world for the next ten days. As the captain said when she announced this layover to the crew, we haven't had a chance for true shore leaves since we spent time on the space station where I met Alyara. That was months ago. While she's planned some "housekeeping" duties for us to do while we're here, the captain's primary reason for having us stay in orbit this long isto provide an opportunity to visit the neighboring world of Pendari. Until she returns, Commander Chakotay will be in command.

While the captain gave him a whole list of things to work on while she's away, the commander has already told us that decorating the ship for Prixin will be a priority. His eyes twinkled when he said that to Dad and me. I don't know if the captain approved of this in advance, but Dad and I certainly do. Dad and I have been very busy, decorating the Mess Hall and setting up for the holiday. Dad's made two batches of compote. He started the first one more than a week before the second. It was bubbling away merrily while we assembled the ingredients for the second batch. Dad is looking forward to enjoying the "ultra-fermented" version. Ken Dalby, Jack Fitzpatrick, Koshimo Nozowa, James Morrow, and Angelo Tessoni have all expressed interest in sampling that first batch, too. I'll go along with the captain's preference and ask for the milder version. Since the majority of the crew has also shown a preference for the milder recipe, Dad's planning to make a lot more of the second batch.

Naomi helped us make decorative "paper" chains (which are actually made from strips of multicolored plastic) to drape around the Mess Hall ceilings. We've also replicated some very lovely multicolored twinkling lights to hang along the Mess Hall windows and over the soffit above the serving counters. Serene white ones will wind around the Guiding Tree, which always sits in the middle of the buffet table. After Tom supplied us with images showing his mother's special decorations, we replicated holly garlands and floral-and-light sprays, which we've hung here and there around the room. Tom and B'Elanna helped us put them up. Tom kept us in stitches by singing, "Deck the Mess Hall with boughs of holly, Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-dee-dah." He insisted those are the proper lyrics. B'Elanna rolled her eyes and told us to "humor him."

Tom and B'Elanna have decided to stay on board throughout our stay here. I believe their idea of spending Shore Leave in this system will involve a lot of staying home and - Tom solemnly informed me this is a real word - canoodling . (The computer has confirmed this statement, surprisingly enough.) They're also planning on attending some sporting events. The Norcadi are famous (some would say, infamous) for a martial arts sport they call Tsunkatse. Actually, many members of our crew have expressed interest in attending a match or two.

Father and Seven are unwilling to waste their time in "frivolous" pursuits like celebrating a holiday or attending sporting events. Their idea of a relaxing Shore Leave is to go on an away mission to investigate a micro-nebula 1.6 light years away from this system. It's on the verge of collapse. Since Father and Seven do not feel the need to indulge themselves in recreational pursuits (to quote Father), they will derive satisfaction from adding to the sum of knowledge by completing this mission. Neither of them are fans of "having fun."

Father asked me if I'd like to come with them to the micro-nebula. If I wasn't so involved with Prixin preparations, I might have seriously considered it, but I can't abandon Naomi right now. Our actual Prixin celebrations have been set back by several days. We won't begin until after the captain's return from Pendari. To keep Naomi occupied in the interim, I promised I'd accompany her when she visits her Flotter and Trevis program every day this week. She's reached the advanced levels, and the program parameters recommend having two children going to the program together from this stage on. It's more fun to have a "buddy" to work on the more challenging problems presented at this point. I'm the closest thing on _Voyager_ to another child (other than Seven, who, of course, would not agree to that designation). So, I had to tell them, "Next time, perhaps."

=/\=

 **Stardate 53449**

I wouldn't say B'Elanna had been in a bad mood, exactly, but she wasn't pleased Commander Chakotay went down to Norcadia Prime to that afternoon's Tsunkatse matches. She'd planned to go with Tom, Harry, and Dad. The commander was in command of the bridge. When he mentioned he wished he could attend the match, B'Elanna had been unwise enough to advise him to "delegate" command to someone else. She didn't expect it to be her. While she seldom takes the "big chair," she's certainly competent to do so. How could she complain if he decided this was the perfect day for Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres to be in charge of the bridge?

Well, actually, she could complain a lot, and did, but at least she kept it to a quiet, steady muttering instead of angry shouts of rage. She made her true feelings known by the way she assigned tasks on the bridge. _Voyager_ was in orbit, of course, which meant it should be safe enough to spend time maintaining our primary bridge stations. And that's what we were doing. Lieutenant Ayala was manning the secondary tactical station while I crawled around underneath main tactical, checking out every junction of the circuitry to the nth degree. Ensign Lang was doing the same at primary Ops. Ensign Jenkins was doing the honors at the helm, while poor Lieutenant Rollins had to handle both ops and helm at the auxiliary station that's seldom manned unless there's an emergency - or in situations like this. Of course, since we were in orbit, there wasn't much to do at the helm other than make sure our altitude remained stable. Steering wasn't a concern. It became even less of one when Jenkins announced she'd completed her helm systems check, and everything was A-OK. (That's a phrase the navigators have adopted ever since we found Lieutenant Kelly. Apparently it was a staple response during the earliest space missions.)

Ensign Lang was still kneeling on the floor, in the final stages of her tasks, when I was able to stand erect at last and announce that the tactical station met or exceeded all specifications. I was free to take primary tactics from Ayala so he could take his break. He'd just left his post, and Crewman Gilmore had arrived to check the engineering station, when we received the frantic communication from Commander Chakotay. _"B'Elanna, Seven of Nine is in the pit!"_

"What?!"

 _"No time to explain. Beam her out of there!"_

I didn't need to tell B'Elanna what I read on my sensors. She'd already done it from the display in the arm of the command chair. "Seven's not there."

The commander shouted to be heard over the background din of the people in the stands nearby, cheering for Seven's opponent. _"I'm looking right at her!"_

But she wasn't there. We recalibrated the bio-scanners several ways, but we couldn't find the actual combatants. The only readings picked up by the sensors were photonic. The _Voyager_ crew weren't looking at Seven and her massive Pendari opponent, they were viewing their holographic representations. By this time Ensign Lang at Ops had joined the search, but we couldn't find Seven anywhere. And, since Seven left with Father, he must be someplace else, too . . . assuming he was still alive.

Commander Chakotay and a dozen other members of the crew who had attended the match transported back to the ship as soon as the Blue Match ended. The Pendari champion had defeated Seven. When Dad returned a few hours later, he told me that she actually could have won that match, but when she had her opponent down, she hesitated. He was able hit the polaron target sensor on her chest, and that shocked her into unconsciousness.

Dad didn't return with the commander, Harry, and Tom. As _Voyager's_ ambassador, he went to the embassy which serves extra-terrestrial visitors and lodged a diplomatic protest with the Norcadian officials. Dad knew she's left with Father to study the micro-nebula. He also knew, without a doubt, that she would never become involved in a martial arts activity willingly. She'd expressed a distaste for even viewing such an event, let alone actually condescending to fight another being in one. When Seven does consent to participating in a sporting activity, it's always a game such as Velocity, in which she excels because of her superior hand-eye coordination. She must have been coerced in some way to agree to fight hand-to-hand.

The Norcadian officials insisted they knew nothing about off-worlders participating in matches against their will. They promised to begin an immediate investigation. Before Dad left the room, he was certain that if any investigation _was_ initiated by the Norcadians, nothing would come of it. He doubted they'd even bother. Afterwards, Dad spoke to a Pendari delegate who agreed with Dad's assessment. He explained that Tsunkatse generates a huge part of the Norcadi home world's revenue. No official would dare to interfere with such a successful enterprise. But how could they not notice a Red Match ends only after one of the participants dies? How many people volunteer for matches in which half the combatants end up dead? The Doctor called this sport barbaric. In fact, it's sanctioned murder.

Commander Chakotay contacted Captain Janeway , just as she arrived at the Pendari system. She turned back immediately, but it will take the _Delta Flyer_ about a day to return to Norcadia Prime. In the meantime, we're continuing to search for our missing crew members.

 **Supplemental**

We searched Norcadia Prime and all of the other planets in its system without locating Father and Seven. We discovered the remains of our shuttle, adrift in space just outside the system, on a line that they would have taken it to the micro-nebula Father and Seven wanted to study. An explosive device had been introduced inside it, probably through transporter technology. The equipment and baggage Seven and Father brought with them were still in the storage lockers, but all we found of them were traces of Vulcan blood residue. The Doctor believes the blast injured Father, but he assured me that since there isn't that much blood, Father was probably injured, not killed. The Doctor meant to reassure me, but if he's injured, how can Father defend himself if he's put into the Tsunkatse ring?

=/\=

 **Stardate 53450**

Father and Seven are both safe on board _Voyager_. We rescued another kidnapped off-worlder, too. They had quite a story to tell after we spirited them out of Penk's clutches. The "arena" wasn't located on any planet, although that's where Harry and B'Elanna expected to find it. They plotted points from which the transmissions originated, thinking to line them up with the coordinates of planets. They'd assumed the arena was being moved physically from one world to another. When they coordinates didn't line up with any planetary bodies, they "connected the dots" on their grid and saw the line formed a flight path. The main arena was on a ship, and the fights were being transmitted through holography to the "arenas" where the spectators were seated. Once we learned this, it didn't take long to discover the ship's location. The ship was strongly protected with substantial shielding and armaments more powerful than _Voyager's_. Retrieving Father and Seven wasn't going to be easy.

When Commander Chakotay hailed the Tsunkatse promoter and demanded the return of our people, Penk laughed at him. We fired on his ship, but at first, their shields were too strong for us to make much headway. Eventually, the shields weakened enough in one area for Harry to locate Father and beam him straight to Sickbay. Father told us the arena was on the uppermost deck, which was protected by multiphasic shielding. We couldn't find Seven, let alone rescue her.

And then, to borrow one of Tom's 2-D western movie references, "The cavalry saved the day." Commander Chakotay told Captain Janeway, when she arrived in the _Delta Flyer,_ to target the signal generators on Penk's ship. She shot off one of the huge satellite dishes, reducing his ability to transmit the match between Seven and her opponent by 50%. To compensate, Penk withdrew power from other ship functions to boost his signal through the remaining generator, which weakened his multi-phasic shielding. Although we located the fighters, we couldn't tell which was Seven and which was her opponent, a Hirogen Hunter. The commander ordered both to be beamed up to _Voyager._ He sent Tom and me with a security team to Transporter Room 2, to counter any aggressive moves the Hirogen might make when he appeared on the pad.

When the combatants materialized, the Hirogen was lying on his back. Seven was crouched over him with her arms raised, ready to deliver a killing blow. She never did. Once she realized they were safe, Seven reached out to help the Hirogen to his feet. We all lowered our weapons. After the pummeling Seven had administered to him, the Hunter wasn't in very good shape. We could see he wasn't an enemy, although whether he might be a friend was still in doubt.

Tom dispersed the rest of the security team, but he asked me to accompany him to Sickbay with Seven and the Hirogen. Since the Doctor had treated Father for his injuries, Seven and our guest were now the focus of his attention. As tough as the Hirogen and Seven were, both needed treatment for bruises, abrasions, and a few cracked ribs. Switching to his field medic persona, Tom remained in Sickbay. I spoke briefly with Father, who assured me he would recover, and went to the bridge to report to the commander. By the time I arrived, Captain Janeway was sitting in her command chair, receiving the commander's status report.

 _Voyager_ was already on its way to the Pendari system by this point. We had no intention of sitting around waiting for Penk to attack us in revenge for ending his well-publicized "Red Match" before anyone had been killed. His ship is still relatively undamaged, except for the signal generators, but _Voyager_ moves a lot faster than his traveling Coliseum. The captain will get her "vacation" on Pendari after all. Our ship needs repairs to many of our systems, thanks to the battering from Penk's ship. (Naturally, most of the circuitry inside the primary bridge stations now must be redone!)

=/\=

 **Stardate 53455**

Our Hirogen guest is still here on _Voyager_. Of all things, he's celebrating Prixin with us and actually seems to be enjoying himself. (He prefers Dad's "first batch" of ultra-fermented compote.) When the Doctor scanned him, he found a number of old injuries which had never healed properly, in addition to the new ones from his contest with Seven. The beating he received from herexacerbated the damage. As a result, the Doctor is still treating him, although at this point, Kraahn claims he's "just a little sore."

The Hirogen wouldn't give his name at first. Seven was the one who found out it was Kraahn. He never told her while they were prisoners on Penk's ship because he "had no name as a prisoner who was without honor." Penk kidnapped him nineteen years ago, and he's been forced to fight in the arena ever since. The fact that he's still alive after nineteen years of punishment is a testament to just how tough he is physically. He doesn't seem much like the Hunters we've met before this. The captain commented that he reminds her a little of Caahr, the Alpha who took over _Voyager_ and ran holodeck programs to see if photonic technology could help his people find an alternative to the Hunt. Caahr told the captain the Hirogen culture was stagnating and in decline because its strong male Hunters had scattered themselves so thinly throughout this quadrant. Kraahn was captured during his son's first Hunt. He never saw his youngster again and doesn't know what happened to him after Kraahn wasn't there to guide him.

Captain Janeway has contacted a group of Hunters who have agreed to rendezvous with _Voyager_ after our ship is repaired and we're underway again. They told her we needn't worry about another attack on _Voyager_. The truce which was agreed upon to end the stalemate three years ago still holds. After Kraahn heard about a truce between his people and ours, he insisted on learning the details. Before he leaves us, he wants to sample a few holodeck programs. He's skeptical that Caahr's idea will work - even though he admits Caahr wasn't wrong about the Hirogen culture's deterioration. "The males are so enamored of the Hunt, if it were not for our females, I don't know if our people would still exist." When I asked him if he plans on going on the Hunt again, he said, "The only Hunt I will ever go on again is the search for my son. Killing the way I did in the Tsunkatse ring has ruined me for killing Prey.

Seven told us Kraahn would have defeated her easily if she had met him without the instruction he provided to her beforehand. Apparently just about everyone who was at one of the holographic arenas was hoping the Hirogen Hunter would be the victor. The Borg are hated throughout this sector. It didn't seem to matter that the "Borg drone" combatant they wanted to see murdered in the arena had been disconnected from the Hive three years ago and was no longer part of the Collective.

Kraahn knew he was going to fight Seven. She did not. What he told us about not wanting to kill Prey anymore must have been the truth. He prepared her to fight effectively because he wanted her to be the one to kill him. He saw her strength and thought that, at long last, he'd found an opponent worthy enough to take his life in the arena. He was weary of fighting He wanted to die with honor. From what I've learned of the Hirogen, they have an honor code that sounds a little like the Klingons'. If enough of their people are like Kraahn, perhaps there is a chance they _can_ end their ceaseless Hunts and killing of Prey, rebuilding their culture, as Caahr had hoped.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53465**

Our journey towards the Alpha Quadrant resumed yesterday. We rendezvoused with the Hunter's ship early this morning. There was no trouble from them, I'm glad to say. They behaved "with honor" and went in a completely different direction from our heading. Before he left, Kraahn gave Seven the polaron disc he'd worn on his chest, which would have delivered the killing shock if she'd struck it when he was down. He told her to keep it as a "trophy" of their battle.

The Norcadian government has apologized most profusely about what happened to Father and Seven. They claim they had "no idea" off-worlders were being captured and enslaved to perform in the Tsunkatse arena. They did initiate an investigation, it seems, and discovered the remains of the last three victims of Penk's Red Matches on his ship. All were of alien species, just as we'd alleged. The officials told us Penk will be charged with three counts of murder, as well as illegal imprisonment and a host of other offenses.

The Pendari aren't buying this, however. They say Penk will be back in business before the year is out. He's not the only Tsunkatse promoter, although they say he's the most bloodthirsty.

The members of the crew who attended the Blue and Green Matches thought they were entertaining. They hadn't understood one of the combatants _had_ to die before a Red Match ended. I never attended any of the matches, so I don't know how entertaining it would be to watch people brutalize each other, even if the match didn't end in a death. If people volunteered to fight because they were compensated well for their efforts, and all the participants were members of the races who live on the Norcadian-controlled planets and were aware of the risks, the decision to fight would be up to them. The Red Matches are a travesty, however. I'm glad we're leaving this sector. I hope we will never need to deal with the Norcadians again.

=/\=


	66. Sky Ship

=/\=

 **Stardate 53498**

I am now better informed about Father's and Tom's experience when they were stuck on the planet inside a gravity well, along with the Doctor and Noss -when they thought they'd been stranded for months while we knew they were only gone for two days. As we were traveling towards the Alpha Quadrant, we noticed a unique planet, with properties similar to that of a collapsed dwarf star. The planet revolved so fast on its axis, every second on _Voyager_ is roughly equivalent to a day on the planet. We approached, planning to assume a high orbit and observe the planet before continuing our journey. The planet's powerful gravity drew our ship in and locked us into a synchronous orbit. We couldn't use warp drive, and we were unable to pull free with thrusters and impulse drive alone. We were stuck, like a fly in a spider's web; but our web was made from powerful gravimetric forces. While we still experienced time the same way as the rest of the galaxy, if our ship came much closer to the planet, its temporal distortion would begin to affect _Voyager_ , too. Our trip home would end, and all too quickly.

Our dilemma was serious, but what made it even worse was that our presence had changed the planet's magnetic field and destabilized the planet's outer crust, causing frequent and powerful seismic events. While Commander Chakotay enjoyed watching civilizations rise and fall through our scanners, since time sped by at such an accelerated rate there, compared to our own perceptions on _Voyager_ , there was danger in that, too. Our scans showed rapid industrialization, which we later learned was fueled by the planetary population's fascination with the "Sky Ship." Legends told them it had arrived at the same time the earthquakes did. That was perceptive, but when their science advanced to the point that they'd developed nuclear weapons, some of them decided that shooting down the "Sky Ship" might improve their quality of life! And, of course, they'd have been right in one way. The seismic events would no longer threaten their buildings or their lives so frequently. It wouldn't have been very good for our health, however.

Before they'd gotten to this point, we transported the Doctor down to the planet's surface to discover what the people knew about us. He was supposed to be away for three seconds from _Voyager's_ perspective, or just under three days on the planet. Something went wrong, and the Doctor spent three _years_ on the surface. When we finally did get him back, he was relieved to be able to report his findings about the "Sky Ship" legends, but it was a sad day for him, too. He'd been down there so long, he'd gotten lonely. He'd met a woman named Mariza, a composer, and together they had a son, Jason Tabreez. Although he never expected to see us again, he completed his mission by integrating three centuries of meteorological records about seismic events into his program. In his spare time, he studied medical journals, sang arias at the Central Protectorate Opera House, and became a passionate supporter of the "Mountain" team, even though he lived with Mariza and Jason in an area where their rivals "Lakeside" were favored.

The Doctor also described a short war, now ended, between the Central Protectorate and one of its neighbors. There was something of a space race going on among the various states, too. Everyone's prime goal was to be the first to reach the Sky Ship. The Doctor couldn't say whether the first rocket to arrive would contain an astronaut or a warhead; but, as he said to the captain, "At their rate of development, it won't be long before we find out."

He was right. Not long after this, two people suddenly materialized on the bridge without the benefit of a transporter beam. Dad and I were among those who ran over to them, although I knew Security really didn't need to be involved. They were unconscious. We rushed them to Sickbay, but only the male survived. When he awakened, he looked around and correctly guessed there was some sort of time differential between our ship and his planet. They'd lost contact with their Launch Control when they came near us, and he'd seen Dad pouring a stationary column of coffee into the captain's mug. He was dismayed to learn that in the time it took for him to return to consciousness, everyone he'd known on the planet must have died.

He was working with Seven in Astrometrics when the first shots were fired. The people of the planet had developed antimatter technology, and they'd decided enough was enough. Although the Sky Ship was a central character in their mythology, it had to go. Pilot First Rank Gotana-Retz went back home to tell his people the truth about _Voyager_.

It was almost too late. Our shields went down from the final rocket, a tri-cobalt weapon. We braced ourselves for that last attack that would surely destroy _Voyager,_ but it never came.

Ten minutes later (our time), our proximity alarms blared. We detected another launch from the planet. Two massive rockets appeared, but instead of striking us down, they caught us in twin tractor beams and lifted us up, out of orbit, high enough to escape our accidental imprisonment. A mature Gotana-Retz appeared briefly on the bridge. He could only stay a few moments, thanks to his temporal compensator, but he wanted to say good-bye "to my old friends," before he returned to his own time frame. Two hours passed before B'Elanna could repair our warp nacelles, which had been disrupted by a subspace particle field produced by the planet's tachyon core and we became, briefly, part of the planet's particle field.

Many years had passed planetside during those two hours on _Voyager_ ; but I hope our friend Pilot Gotana-Retz was still alive to see the Sky Ship wink out of his planet's skies forever.

After we were on our way again, I visited the Doctor. I asked him to tell me about Mariza and Jason. He said he knew he might have to leave so suddenly someday, he wouldn't be able to say good-bye. "So every time we parted, and at every bedtime, I kissed them and said, 'and maybe good-bye - just in case.' I miss them, Tuvix. I'll never forget them."

=/\=


	67. Children of the Death Cube

=/\=

 **Stardate 53508**

I wanted to join the team in the _Delta Flyer,_ but Dad asked me to stay behind to service the Mess Hall. Chell came down with a malady affecting his digestion just before the away team left. It wasn't serious as long as he remained well-hydrated, according to the Doctor, but Chell had to stay near one fixture in his quarters for the duration. Dad expected to be gone for four days, and he didn't trust anyone else to be able to feed the crew besides me. As Commander Chakotay told me, with that infectious grin of his, "You wouldn't want the captain to try her hand at making a meal. She's been known to burn soup." He promised I could come along with them on a future mission. The commander prompted a smile, but I told him I'd remind him of this conversation someday, when an interesting mission presented itself. Tom and Harry were going on this trading mission, too, and we did need the supplies.

After three days (miserable ones, according to our loquacious Bolian), Chell was back on his feet and able to share cooking duties with me. That allowed Father to schedule me for bridge duty again. I was there the next day, when the captain became concerned that the _Flyer_ had failed to check in with us. According to protocol, they're supposed to this at least once every 24 hours.

With Commander Chakotay away, Father was acting first officer. I was manning the main tactical station and tracing the _Flyer's_ ion trail when we saw it. The cube was massive. The _Flyer's_ trail led right in front of it.

The attack by this Borg vessel was surprisingly ineffective. Their weapons fire switched between targets and failed to produce any significant damage on our ship as a result. On the other hand, I was able to disable their weapons fairly easily. Too easily? We had an answer for their failure to be more aggressive after Seven noticed their propulsion system was off line, even though it wasn't badly damaged. She was clearly disturbed by the drones' inefficiency, since drones usually repair the type of damage she'd detected in very short order. That's when she scanned for Borg lifesigns and came to a startling conclusion. On a cube that usually carries five thousand drones, she only detected five. She could not explain how such a thing could happen when the cube, despite its propulsion issue, was basically intact.

Our efforts to scan many areas of the cube were hindered by the cube's shields. Its generator was intact, but it was buried so deeply within the vessel, we were unable to put it out of commission. Dad's Talaxian lifesign did show up, however. That meant the rest of the away team was probably there, too. Eventually, Seven found two other human life signs, but she announced that none of them had been assimilated - yet.

We finally heard the standard refrain, _"We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile,"_ but it didn't sound right. It was weak. Tinny. I asked Seven if the small number of Borg drones on board had affected the sound of the Collective's voice. Since she didn't answer, I gathered she didn't know herself.

When the captain addressed the cube and demanded the return of our crew, the Borg's responses were confusing. First, they said _"Negotiation is irrelevant."_ Then they scanned our vessel and said they'd return our crew if we gave them _Voyager's_ navigational deflector dish. Apart from the fact that the deflector is an integral part of our ship, if we did manage to detach it (which would take many hours of work), we'd be unable to go to warp, and we couldn't get very far on impulse drive alone. It took a few moments for Seven to realize why they wanted it. The cube's communications array had also been damaged. They'd lost their link with the Collective and thought they could adapt our dish to reestablish their link.

Captain Janeway demanded to see the hostages to make sure they were okay before giving them her response. _"You may transport one individual,"_ they replied. Seven was the logical choice.

She returned fairly quickly to report that the five "drones" we'd been dealing with were actually neonatal drones - children - who should still be in their maturation chambers and being indoctrinated into the Collective. They'd been expelled prematurely. All the adult drones were dead. Seven had to step over many corpses in order to reach the five who were running the ship. When Seven returned to _Voyager_ , she sent one of the dead drone bodies ahead of her to Sickbay, to see if the Doctor could determine why five thousand adults had perished - and from what she could see, all at the same time.

Seven also reported that while she'd spoken with Dad, Commander Chakotay, and Tom, she saw no sign of Harry. "The neonatal drones didn't seem to know he's there." Captain Janeway ordered Father to activate Harry's combadge, using a carrier wave on a Borg interlink frequency. The five juveniles would be unlikely to identify it as a form of communication.

The Doctor examined the corpse and determined that a spaceborne pathogen had killed him. When the Doctor said the pathogen would affect only the Borg or other cybernetic organisms it encountered, Father suggested reintroducing the pathogen into the cube as a weapon against the children. While the Doctor was aghast at the prospect of murdering youngsters, Seven admitted they would probably kill the hostages if the captain didn't give them what they wanted - and we _couldn't_ comply with their demand.

Captain Janeway had another idea. She went with Seven to the cube to speak with the children, offering them sanctuary on _Voyager_. The one running the cube, who was designated "First," refused to consider it. The captain then suggested Seven could remain on their cube to repair its technology, since she has a great deal of experience with Borg systems. First agreed to accept Seven's assistance, but he only gave her two hours to finish the task. Then he rudely ordered the captain back to _Voyager_.

When Seven came back to _Voyager_ after the first meeting with the tiny Collective, she'd told us these children were not like mature Borg. They're unstable, unpredictable. Father commented, "They are contemptuous of authority and convinced that they are superior. Typical adolescent behavior, for any species."

When I heard Father say that, I was momentarily glad I'd never been an adolescent living under Father's roof. He would have been a very hard taskmaster, indeed.

Eventually, we heard from Harry. He was still inside the _Delta Flyer_. He'd hit his head trying to fix the warp drive when the cube attacked and had been unconscious when the children extracted the other three from the shuttle _._ Either they never found Harry, or they left him for dead. The captain asked Harry to penetrate the interior of the cube and set plasma charges around the shield generator to deactivate it. If he succeeded, we could transport our crew and the _Delta Flyer_ out of the cube. I hoped he could do it. I was worried about what would happen to Dad if the children decided to assimilate the away team. In fact, I was quite surprised the children hadn't already done so. They'd have had three more pairs of hands to work on repairing their vessel.

While Seven was working on the propulsion system inside the cube, a sixth neonatal drone was "born" when her maturation chamber failed. This one was only an infant who should not have emerged from the chamber for several years. When Seven couldn't stabilize the baby's condition, she convinced their Collective to allow the baby to be transported _Voyager_ for treatment. The Doctor said he was quite surprised when he turned around and saw a Borg baby lying in Sickbay. The infant was suffering from respiratory distress because she'd left the mechanical womb of the maturation chamber too soon. The Doctor provided treatment. When her condition was stable, he called the captain to come to Sickbay and manipulated her into holding the child, hoping to change the captain's mind about using the pathogen against the children. The captain told him she wanted to find another way to deal with the children - but she took the syringe from him anyway. If using the pathogen was the only way to save our away team, the captain would do it.

Harry had almost arrived at the field generator's location when Father lost contact with him. A short time later, First contacted us and demanded we give them our deflector dish "immediately." When Captain Janeway told him we _couldn't_ remove it that quickly, since it was integrated into the structure of our ship, a tractor beam shot out of the cube and fastened itself onto the deflector dish. If we wouldn't give it to them, they'd rip it off. Father suggested we should deploy the pathogen, but if the captain did, Seven would die, too. Instead, she ordered B'Elanna to send a feedback pulse through the tractor beam. Since the same energy grid fed both the shield matrix and tractor beam, the pulse might weaken or even bring down the shields.

The shields did weaken, allowing me to transport Dad, Commander Chakotay, and Tom out of the cube. I transported the _Delta Flyer_ out of the cube's hanger, too, but I couldn't find Harry. Since we still couldn't see through the shielding around the central chamber, I assumed Harry had been taken there, where the five children and Seven were located. We detected a minor explosion in that area after the feedback pulse overloaded the induction coils. Seconds later, however, our sensors revealed the entire cube was on the verge of cascade failure. After what seemed like a very long time, but was probably only a minute or two, Seven instructed us to transport Harry, four children, and Seven herself from the cube. First - the rude young drone who had been so demanding and intractable - was dead.

As soon as we had everyone on board, the captain ordered us to go to warp. Just before we did, the cube exploded. We could feel it when huge pieces of debris hit our shields and literally shook our ship from the impact, but our shields held.

We now have the four children in this ship - five, counting the baby - who will need care and supervision for an unknown length of time. We don't know what this experience has tone to them. Even though they were never fully Borg, their lives have been shattered twice: once when they were assimilated, and now that their link to the Collective has been severed. We'll do our best to return them to individuality. Seven of Nine has struggled with this process ever since she came to _Voyager_. Hopefully their paths will be smoother than hers has been.

 **Supplemental**

Initially, Father sent me to Sickbay to serve as a security detail, to keep the children under control, if necessary, but they behaved well and meekly followed Seven's directions. I suspected they were still stunned by what had occurred. I contacted Father to report that my presence was not really needed, but he told me to remain in Sickbay, off to the side, "just in case." Harry and the children all have implants that need to be removed, although none seemed to be fully formed, even the ones in Harry. The baby's eyepiece literally fell off when it was barely touched. Seven told me the infant hadn't been in the maturation chamber long enough for the mechanical piece to become infused into her biological body. The slow rate of Harry's assimilation puzzled her, though. I asked Seven if this was typical of the process. Her "no" was quite succinct.

While the Doctor worked on Harry, who had been dragged through the corridors of the cube rather roughly after nanoprobes were introduced into his body, Tom examined the four older children and took blood and nanoprobe samples for evaluation. When he returned from the lab, his expression was quite grim. He handed the PADD with the test results to Seven, and her eyes widened in surprise. While Tom continued to examine the children, I asked Seven about the results. Unlike the Doctor, she didn't have any qualms about sharing medical information with me. "Their nanoprobes are as immature as their implants." I asked Seven if that was why they had not assimilated our away team, and she replied, "They'd already killed another being when they attempted to assimilate him. They didn't know what they did wrong. That may have been why they hesitated to assimilate their new captives."

Tom's examinations revealed that some of the children's implants, such as their cranial arrays and cortical nodes, were fairly well formed. Others were barely functional. Since their nanoprobes were so immature, they would have been vulnerable to infection. The Doctor should be able to remove most of them without needing to perform number of complex operations necessary to save Seven, when her link to the Collective was severed. Tom also told us the children were probably fortunate they'd been removed from the cube. If we hadn't come along and the Borg had failed to send a vessel to retrieve them very soon, they could easily have died. So many deteriorating corpses would have created a very unhealthy atmosphere within that vessel.

That's when Seven told us that the children would never have been retrieved by the Borg. First had been desperate to obtain our deflector dish to send a second distress call to the Borg Queen. He assumed the first message they'd sent had never been received. While Seven was on the cube, however, she discovered the Borg _had_ replied to their request - and had denied it. No vessel had been dispatched. The Borg Queen had ordered the neonatal drones to terminate themselves. They were damaged, unworthy of assimilation - irrelevant. Because none of the youngsters knew how to decrypt this message, however, First had no idea the Borg would never come, no matter how many messages he sent them.

Seven hadn't told the children about the Queen's reply when she first saw it. She finally did, when the cube was falling apart all around them. First refused to believe it and attacked her. Second, the oldest survivor, intervened to save Seven's life. First died after he tried to stop the induction coils from overloading. He survived for just a minute afterwards - until Seven told him something he needed to hear. When First said, "We are Borg," Seven agreed with him. "It was as if my confirmation we were Borg gave First permission to let go of life," she told us. "All the children felt the moment he was deactivated. I know I did."

=/\=

 **Stardate 53511**

Captain Janeway has assigned Seven to supervise the four older children. Seven has stopped referring to them as "neonatal drones." To her, they're just children. The crew has been referring to them as "Borglets," however, and I have a feeling that might stick.

Just before they were transported to _Voyager,_ Seven ordered Second to detach a data node from the central chamber _._ Seven has been able to determine that the oldest, previously referred to as Second, is a Brunali male called Icheb. The only girl, or "Five of Five," is Mezoti, a Norcadian. We haven't been able to identify the species of the twin boys, but their names are Azan and Rebi. Seven was confident she has correctly assigned each of the twins his correct name. I hope she's right and hasn't reversed their designations. Names. (I'm starting to "adapt" to the Borg way of expressing myself, which is somewhat alarming. I'm half Talaxian and half Vulcan. I have enough trouble balancing my heritage from those very different species as it is.) The infant's genetic history is also a mystery, and since she was assimilated as a fetus, she probably never has had a name.

The captain contacted Norcadia Prime and Brunali officials and asked them to search for the children's relatives or, failing that, new homes for them. Until we hear something, we'll keep the children safe on _Voyager_ \- or as safe as anyone can be on this vessel. Until we find out the species of Azan, Rebi, and the baby, they'll have to remain with us.

I'm not happy we must deal with Norcadia Prime again. However, I like what I've seen of Mezoti so far. She's just a child; and she's certainly not a Penk - even though, while he was in the children's custody on the cube, Mezoti shocked Tom without batting an eye to "punish" him for trying to disconnect the force field around the chamber in which they were being held . Since she was under First's influence at the time, I hope she really isn't as cold-blooded as Tom claims. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt - for now.

The baby remains in Sickbay and will stay there for a while. Her respiration issues have been treated, and she's stable, but because she's so little, she needs constant care. Who will provide it? The captain has talked about dropping her off at a nearby planet, but since we have no idea who her people are, we don't know who might be willing to take care of her. I actually hope we can keep the baby on _Voyager_. It wouldn't hurt for us to have a new generation on board. We might be traveling towards the Alpha Quadrant for four more decades, and we'll need new crew members down the line.

=/\=

 **Stardate 58525**

Marla Gilmore, formerly of the _Equinox_ , has volunteered to care for our infant. She's named her Aimee, which means "Beloved" in an Earth language. Such a sweet name! I think Marla is already attached to the little girl. When her people are located, Marla will find it hard to give her up. Even though they've only been with us for a very short time, I think it will be difficult for us to give up any of them.

I promised to help Seven with her little Collective whenever I could. When I offered, I think she was about to say she wouldn't need my help; but then she stopped talking, nodded her head, and walked back into Cargo Bay Two without saying another word.

Oh, and I should record one more detail. The crew have been referring to Cargo Bay Two as "Borg Central." As Tom said, that's "cheeky - but accurate."

=/\=


	68. Resurrection

=/\=

 **Stardate 53660**

I've been trying to counsel Seven on her supervision of the children, but so far, I'm not having very much luck. She's researched parenthood, naturally, and has embraced the advice from experts that children require a schedule of activities in order to develop properly. While I quite agree with this advice in principle, Seven has taken scheduling to extremes. The children barely have a chance to breathe before they must switch to their next activity. I notice Icheb has been chafing a bit at the restrictions she's imposed. He'd rather spend most of his time studying, and he's made it clear he wants to be free to select which subject to pursue, and when to devote his time to it, instead of Seven choosing for him all the time.

Seven has never been a fan of "having fun." She chose to spend her Shore Leave while we were in orbit around Norcadia Prime by accompanying Father to a micro-nebula - with disastrous consequences that could have been tragic if they were not rescued by our crew. The children's opportunities for recreational activities have rather limited as a result. When I mentioned this to Seven, she stared at me in that way she has that says, better than any words can, that my comment was ridiculous. She told me she knew best. I doubt that, and there's another child on this ship who could also benefit from socializing with the children. Poor Naomi! After being the only child on Voyager for many years, she finally has other children living on our ship - and they're never given the chance to play with each other!

Dad and I have finally managed to convince Seven that it would be an excellent idea to schedule a playdate for the Borg children with Naomi. Since Seven has enjoyed playing Kadis-kot with our junior Captain's Bridge Assistant, we suggested they start with that activity. If the playdate goes well, it may convince Seven to loosen up the children's schedules. They should be able to choose for themselves which recreational activities they'd like to pursue, and not always have them imposed upon them by Seven.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53660**

The playdate had barely started before it turned into a disaster, primarily due to Seven's rigidity. Naomi and Mezoti were bonding right before our eyes. Naomi complemented Mezoti on her hairstyle, and Mezoti told her she'd show her how to do it. Dad and I smiled at each other. It was a nice beginning - and Seven had to spoil it by telling them there was no time for irrelevant discussions. Mezoti pointed out that discussing hairstyles was relevant to the two girls. Seven insisted they begin playing the game instead by announcing, "Fun will now commence."

The fun lasted for two moves. Naomi observed the twins were cheating. Mezoti concurred, saying that Azan and Rebi had used their neural interfaces to share information with each other before Rebi made his move. Seven angrily imposed "Punishment Protocol Nine Alpha" on the boys, who obediently rose out of their seats and stood in the corner.

This didn't go over well with Icheb. He told Seven that if they couldn't play, neither would he. Seven accused him of encouraging disorder. Icheb swept his arm across the table, scattering the playing pieces all over the deck, and yelled, "You never let us do what _we_ want!"

Seven tried to impose "Punishment Protocol Nine Alpha" upon Icheb, too. He refused to comply and stalked angrily out of the Mess Hall.

After Seven herded Mezoti and the twins out of the Mess Hall, Naomi told us she really liked Mezoti. "Why won't Seven let her play with me?" she asked plaintively. Dad told her he would talk to Seven. Naomi slipped away, saying she was going to her quarters to read a book. Alone.

Dad and I put our heads together. He said he'd speak with Seven about letting Mezoti visit Naomi every now and then, with Dad or Sam supervising them, so they could get to know each other. He said she should let all the children pursue their own interests. Icheb is older. He would naturally prefer to engage in some activities which are either unappealing or inappropriate for younger children. It would be good for the twins to interact with other people separately, since they seem to be a little too attached to each other. They may have been assimilated by the Borg, but they were never drones who followed orders without question.

I agreed and suggested we ask the captain and the commander to intervene with Seven. They can't always function as a unit if they're to become individuals. They're children, not a unimatrix!

 **Supplemental**

I spoke with Commander Chakotay later that day. When I described the schedule of activities Seven has imposed upon the children, he agreed that it was far too rigid for them, especially since we want them to learn how to make good choice for themselves. He's promised to speak with Seven. "I don't want to make it an order," he said, "but I will if she doesn't agree."

=/\=

 **Stardate 53665**

Ensign Lyndsay Ballard has returned to life! I remember her, although I didn't know her that well before we lost her. She died about two years ago, while on an away mission with Harry, and we buried her body in space. It was found by members of a race called the Kobali. They reproduce by reanimating dead bodies, giving them a second chance at life. It's all quite amazing, really. Harry was devastated when she died, since they were close friends when they were at Starfleet Academy together. He's overjoyed now that she's come back into his life.

Lyndsay is just as charming as I remember and great fun to be around. The Doctor has been devising a treatment to return her to a more human appearance. He can't return her all the way physiologically, but he can help her look human again. I visited with Harry and Lyndsay last night. Lyndsay and I agreed we're alike in many ways. We're not true hybrids, like Naomi Wildman and B'Elanna Torres. We're fused beings, with two heritages, but not through the usual way DNA is combined. Since the Kobali haven't discovered any of our other deceased crew members as far as she knows, Lyndsay must be the only Kobali/human, just like I'm the only Talaxian/Vulcan, living in the galaxy.

 **Supplemental**

The story of Lyndsay's return to _Voyager_ would not be complete if I didn't record what happened when she first made contact with us. B'Elanna had called Seven to Engineering, since a problem had cropped up with one of the systems we've adapted from Borg technology. Seven placed Icheb in charge of the three younger children and told them to remain in Cargo Bay Two. Mezoti saw her opportunity to explore on her own and slipped away to Astrometrics. When someone in another ship hailed us, Mezoti responded. It was Lyndsay, who'd run away from the Kobali. When Mezoti provided her designation, Lyndsay remarked that she seemed a little young to be working the com. Mezoti told her, "I'm eight." She tried to put the call through to the bridge so Lyndsay could speak to a grownup, but Mezoti wasn't tall enough to make the transfer. She disconnected the communication instead.

Father entered Astrometrics and began to berate Mezoti for being there, since her presence in Astrometrics without adult supervision was "unauthorized." When Seven and the boys followed them in, Father began to chastise Seven as well. Mezoti explained she'd just wanted to look around, and now she was "trying to talk to the woman in spatial grid 2369." That's when Seven and Father noticed Lyndsay's attempt to reconnect with _Voyager_ and opened a channel.

She recognized Father's voice and addressed him by name. When she identified herself as Lyndsay Ballard, however, he was, to say the least, skeptical. He put her through to the captain, who gave permission for Lyndsay to come aboard to discuss her claim.

The Kobali's appearance is strikingly different from a human's, but when she was able to describe the circumstances of her last mission and her death, Harry was able to confirm all the details. When the Doctor discovered traces of human DNA in her altered body, the captain welcomed Lyndsay back to our ship.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53668**

I am soon to receive a gift from Mezoti which, I'm quite sure, will be a lovely addition to my quarters. Dad told me all about how the offer came about after the art lesson was all over.

While Seven has loosened up the children's schedule to a degree, thanks to some prodding from Commander Chakotay, she's still imposing a LOT of order upon our four Borg children. Yesterday, she had the children sculpting with clay, an activity Captain Janeway had once encouraged Seven to pursue. While Seven didn't exactly welcome the captain's suggestion (from what I've heard, she only tried working with clay once before refusing to pursue the art any longer), Seven set the children up in the Mess Hall for an art class. Of course, she also assigned a specific task. They were to sculpt a geometric shape.

The twins both fashioned simple cubes, fulfilling the assignment without taxing their brains to any great degree. Icheb sculpted a 26-sided polyhedron composed of hexagons, octagons, and squares. When I saw it, I couldn't decide if he was displaying his advanced mental skills or was trying to impress everyone, especially Seven. It was probably a bit of both.

Mezoti chose to complete the assignment in a very free-form sort of way. She'd sculpted a head of Seven of Nine, complete with ocular implant. At first, Seven wasn't pleased her directive hadn't been followed to the letter. When she told Mezoti the head was "crude," however, she realized her error. Mezoti's expression dimmed. Seven went on to say that the head did "demonstrate ingenuity and individuality." Dad said Mezoti smiled at this bit of praise.

Icheb was annoyed, since he'd reminded Mezoti of the actual parameters of the assignment. He wanted Seven to administer a punishment protocol to Mezoti.

To Seven's credit, she resisted Icheb's challenge to her authority. Instead, she told Mezoti to "Resume your disorder."

When I came by a little later, the other children were cleaning up their worktables. Their pieces were lined up on the sill of the Mess Hall. Mezoti was putting the finishing touches to hers. Dad told me what had happened, and I walked over to praise Mezoti for her work. I didn't have to exaggerate when I told her how much I liked it. After all, our bodies are a combination of geometric shapes put together into biological form. Mezoti's observational skills as well as her creativity were fully displayed in the manner she'd completed Seven's assignment.

Mezoti asked Dad if he would replicate another block of clay for her to sculpt tomorrow. He said he would be happy to do that for her. Mezoti turned to me and said, "You have a very unique head, Lieutenant Tuvix. I would like to use you as a model. Will that be acceptable?"

I agreed, of course. She added, "If you like it, I'll give it to you. You can put it in your quarters."

I'm not sure how long I'll have to wait for the piece. Seven's eased up on the children's schedule a bit, but she still keeps them very busy. I don't know when she'll decide to schedule another art class. But, as they say, it's the thought that counts. The very fact that Mezoti made the offer to make this for me is a gift in and of itself.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53675**

Harry has been quite happy with Lyndsay. I hope they can stay together. Lyndsay's Kobali father Q'ret has come to bring her back with him to her new people. Lyndsay has made it clear she wants to stay with us, and the captain supports her decision. Q'ret does not. He's told the captain he'll be back, and he won't be alone.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53679**

At first Lyndsay balked. She wanted to stay with us - with Harry, really. When her Kobali genes reasserted themselves with a vengeance, and the Doctor had to admit he could only do so much to keep her human, she became more ambivalent about where she now belonged. Lyndsay couldn't stand the taste of her favorite foods anymore. She began to speak in Kobali without knowing it.

Harry and Lyndsay seemed to have become a couple, like Tom and B'Elanna. He was quite broken up when she told him that she'd changed her mind; she was going to go back with her father, to live with the Kobali - and to her little sister Tynsia. I was saddened when I heard she'd decided her life on _Voyager_ was over. If her father Q'ret cared for her the way he claimed he did, he would have wanted to allow her be happy, even if it was far away from him . . . but perhaps I'm being unfair. Lyndsay _has_ changed. Maybe she really didn't fit in with us anymore.

Harry is in mourning because he's lost Lyndsay a second time. Before they parted, she told him the girl he'd loved died over two years ago. At least this time, they've had a chance to say good-bye. Because Lyndsay returned to _Voyager_ , she'll no longer fantasize about what could be. She buried her past life, her _kyn'steya_. She's truly Jeht'leya now. She accepts she's Kobali.

I understand the decision Lyndsay made. It's taken me almost four years to integrate my two heritages. That's something she really couldn't do, because of the power of her Kobali regenerative genes to reassert themselves. I know what it is to not quite fit in with everyone else. I'm neither fully Vulcan nor fully Talaxian, although I now accept that while I can act Vulcan because of my training in the mental disciplines from Father, at heart, I'm more Talaxian. That may be because Vulcans, without training, are more like Talaxians than they'd like to admit. The Romulans left Vulcan centuries ago and make no attempt to dampen their strong emotions, while Vulcans turned to logic and the practice of meditation to keep theirs under control. Father will never acknowledge this verbally, of course, but I am very aware of it from reading his thoughts.

Mind melds are not one-way. The person performing the technique opens his or her mind to the recipient. I am aware of so much more of Father's inner life, as a result, than I would have known just from the memories I retain from my advent. I sometimes wonder if that was one reason he continued my mind-meld training long after it was clear I had no aptitude for it. Did he wish to share his acceptance of me as his son in this way, since he could not discuss it openly with me? If he did, then I accept it as the wondrous gift it has been. Father and Dad are equally precious to me. Only Dad can say I'm precious to him, too. Thanks to all those attempts at melding minds with Father, I know he also feels this way without ever telling me in words.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53686**

Harry has given Mezoti Lyndsay's hairbrush. She'd left it behind because the Kobali have no hair to brush. Mezoti's hair is very pretty, and she was very pleased to receive the gift. It was a nice thing for him to do, but I don't know if Harry, in his current state of mind, is a particularly good influence on the children. He brought Mezoti with him when he went to the holodeck to "tweak" the Temple of Panit program, which Father uses as an aid to meditation. After Harry and Mezoti were finished with it, the monks were chanting very profane Ferengi limericks. Father was _NOT_ pleased, and Seven instituted a punishment protocol to Mezoti.

It's hard not to like the Norcadian girl. She's very bright and fun. Naomi is thrilled to have another girl to be her friend. No one is sure exactly how old Mezoti is, since maturation chambers accelerate a child's growth. The Doctor says she's eight, which is as good a guess as any. He arrived at this estimate from scans of Mezoti's joints, which he says are indicative of the physical age of a body. Mezoti spent more than a year inside a maturation chamber, however, and even Seven is not certain how that might affect the rate of a child's development. It varies according to the speed a given species develops. Naomi isn't four years old yet, but she looks ten; the girls are a good match for each other, although that may change if Naomi continues to grow in the Ktarian pattern rather than the human. As of now, Mezoti appears to be roughly the same age as Naomi. They have similar interests, which is more important for maintaining a friendship.

Icheb is a very serious young man. He was the first to awaken on the cube, so he has some very bad memories of decomposing drones. He's very bright, too. The twins _may_ be bright, but it's hard to tell. They don't interact with our crew very much. Since they're biological twin brothers, they turn more towards each other and not to the crew at large.

Little Aimee is thriving under Marla Gilmore's care. I don't think the captain is going to be able to give that baby away to anyone else. Marla is fiercely protective of her, and it's good to see.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53697**

I was finishing my dinner in the Mess Hall tonight when Mezoti, Naomi, and Seven marched in and presented me with a gift. Mezoti's artistic interpretation of a Talaxian/Vulcan head is now resting in pride of place on my console. It really is a beautiful piece. I love the way she left finger marks to suggest my spots, and she captured my ears perfectly! I couldn't thank her enough. Just the offer to make it was a gift. To actually receive it is an even greater one. Mezoti said she wanted to do this for me because I take care of the children sometimes and because, "I like you."

When the girls got up to leave to go to holodeck to visit Trevis and Flotter, Seven stayed behind, "I wish to thank you, too. You've given me good advice, although you're not a father."

I corrected her. "But Father has four children on Vulcan. I've learned quite a lot from his memories. Enough, I hope, to serve as a mentor to all the children." She smiled slightly. That struck a chord with Seven. Father has been her mentor, as well.

=/\=


	69. Tragedy on Tarakis

=/\=

 **Stardate 53708**

I was so happy to greet Dad when the team returned. Despite Commander Chakotay's promise to take me on an away team, Dad was chosen again, along with Harry and Tom. The commander had his reasons. I've been spending a lot of time with the Borg children whenever Seven is working in Astrometrics and I'm off-duty. Icheb likes to spend time with her there, but he cannot if he's been placed in charge of the twins and Mezoti. I often stay with them, allowing Icheb to satisfy his fascination with stars, planets, nebulae, comets, and such. The children have come a long way, but Icheb is the only one who really knows what he'd like to do when he's fully grown. He wants to work in Astrometrics. The other three need guidance in discovering what really excites them enough to turn it into a life's work. I find exposing them to new subjects to be personally quite satisfying. I told the commander I was needed here at present, and he agreed.

 **Supplemental**

I was on Gamma shift last night, and Tom was troubled. He'd been enjoying the gift B'Elanna had made for him while he was away - a 1956-style television (only the remote control was anachronistic) - watching different shows all night that B'Elanna had loaded into it from our entertainment archives. Tom suddenly began to shout about soldiers killing civilians and grabbed his forearm, claiming he'd been shot. At first she thought he was having a nightmare, but when he began to say something about an enemy ambush, she contacted me. I scanned the ship thoroughly and sent out security teams, but we didn't encounter any intruders. B'Elanna put Tom to bed and stayed with him the rest of the night, in case he woke up screaming again.

A little later, Seven contacted me. Tim Lang relieved me on the bridge so I could visit Cargo Bay Two. All four children had experienced visions of some kind that broke the connections to their alcoves before they'd finished regenerating. Like B'Elanna, Seven initially assumed the visions were nightmares. Mezoti said she'd seen soldiers murder people and that she'd been one of the victims. I conjectured she was finally remembering something of her family's assimilation. Seven said she'd thought that, too, until Icheb told Seven he had done terrible things while he was a soldier. She informed him this was impossible. He's never left _Voyager_ since he came on board, and he was much too young to have been a soldier before he was assimilated.

When the children had all calmed down, I went back to the bridge and made an official report about both incidents, since they seemed to be related. There may not be any intruders, but something odd is going on.

 **Stardate 53709**

I'd just ended my shift and was looking forward to meditating and then my bed when Father called me to the Mess Hall. He said there was a security breach. I knew Dad would be there at this time of the morning, serving breakfast and starting his lunch preparations. He would be vulnerable to an attack in the kitchen. While he could defend himself with a knife, what good would that do against particle weapons? Maybe I'd made a mistake last night. What if there had been a cloaked intruder after all, one that I'd failed to detect?

I joined Andrews and Lang in the turbolift. On the way to the Mess Hall, I began to wonder why the phrase "particle weapons" had occurred to me. I felt a little queasy, but I told myself I was just worried about Dad.

When we arrived in the corridor outside the Mess Hall, I discovered the security breach situation _originated_ with my Dad. He was holding Naomi hostage and screaming about wanting to protect her from harm. Commander Chakotay was trying to talk him down, telling him, "Saavdra ordered a cease-fire. The colony's secure. The battle's over."

What battle? What colony? And who was Saavdra?

The commander finally calmed Dad down enough for him to release Naomi, who was terrified. Commander Chakotay handed her to me, and I turned around and gave her to her mother Sam. I didn't say anything aloud; I was afraid Dad might hear us; but I shrugged to show her I was as mystified as she was by what had happened.

When I returned to the back entrance of the kitchen, I saw Dad and the commander clutching each other, as if they were trying to save themselves from drowning. From the expressions on their faces, they were haunted by something the rest of us couldn't see. Tom, Chakotay, Dad. The only one who had been with the away team I hadn't seen since their return was Harry. Was he upset, too? What happened to them while they were gone? I decided to ask Harry about it.

I found Harry in Sickbay. The Doctor had treated him for acute anxiety and hallucinations. He'd prescribed two days of rest and was just been about to release Harry to his quarters when I came in with Commander Chakotay and Dad. Harry had suffered a panic attack while working in a Jefferies tube. He hadn't escaped whatever was going on, either. The Doctor summoned Captain Janeway. After the Doctor reported that they all had been suffering acute emotional distress, I told the captain about Tom's difficult night. "You may have been abducted and brainwashed," she said. "We'll need to retrace your mission and review the _Delta Flyer_ sensor logs to find the location of this colony and investigate what may have happened there."

 **Supplemental**

Father and I stood on either side of the conference room door while Captain Janeway and the Doctor held a meeting with the away team members. They all told the same story. They'd volunteered to go on a mission to relocate Nakan colonists to a camp off the planet. Commander Saavdra was in charge of their unit. While they were on their way with the colonists to the transport ships, weapons fire erupted. Tom and Harry claimed they'd been fired upon by colonists who hadn't been where they were supposed to be. Commander Chakotay insisted they had no way of knowing if their own people hadn't fired first. Their squad had been awake for days, and everyone was exhausted. "I suggested to Saavdra we wait until daybreak, so our people could get a little sleep," the commander said, "but he said we had to move right away." Dad moaned that he'd tried to protect the children, but they were frightened and ran away.

There was one key fact upon which they all agreed. They remembered the murder of eighty-two innocent civilians on that fateful night. _All_ of the colonists had been killed.

After the shaken away team left the conference room, the captain called Father and me to give our impressions of what we'd just heard. The Doctor said he's scanned all four of the team members and concluded that they _weren't_ hallucinating. He'd detected memory engrams, suggesting that these events had actually happened to them. Father wondered if Tom's outburst, which included mention of an intruder, might have been an accurate statement. "We would not remember these events if our memories have been tampered with."

I shook my head. "I don't believe it's possible. Commander Chakotay said the unit had been exhausted from being awake for days on patrol. The away team was gone for two weeks, and unless there's indisputable evidence to the contrary, I do not see how they had time to take part in these events and still return with all the dilithium they brought back in the _Delta Flyer_. Unless the colony planet has a temporal distortion like Gotana-Retz's world, it's impossible."

"I agree, Lieutenant Tuvix. The timing makes no sense. We'll review the mission logs to see if we can identify a significant gap of several days, or more likely, a week, to account for what the away team believes happened. If we find something like that, however . . . "

The captain left her sentence unfinished. If such a gap were found, our first officer, my two best friends - and my Dad - would be complicit in murder.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53714**

We were just entering the last planetary system the _Delta Flyer_ had visited before returning to _Voyager_. The captain, Commander Chakotay, and Seven were in Astrometrics, reviewing the mission logs recorded by the away team during their two-week hunt for dilithium. The views of the first couple of stops didn't provoke any reaction from Commander Chakotay, although the captain laughed when she saw the image of a Captain Bathar of Hodos. He'd tried to sell the away team a formula that allegedly could halt the aging process. The commander had maintained it would make a better shoe polish. When Seven displayed the next planet's image, however, the captain suddenly stopped laughing. "Tarakis . . . the planet - it's called Tarakis. I've been here."

When Seven told me about this later, she said, "Lieutenant Tuvix, how could the captain have ever visited Tarakis? She's never been in this region of space before. She hasn't gone on an away mission since she took the _Delta Flyer_ to the Pendari system. That was months ago. But she insisted she _was_ there. Then she collapsed, and we sent her to the Doctor in the Mess Hall. Thirty-six members of the crew are now suffering from hallucinations and complaining of physical symptoms, but none of them could have participated in this massacre. They were all here! There's no logic to this."

I agreed it was illogical, but then I asked her, "Are you also envisioning a massacre, Seven?"

She fell very quiet for a minute and then said, very softly, "Yes."

"So am I," I admitted. "And I _know_ I haven't left this ship. Both of us have been too busy taking care of the children. The visions the away team reported, and now the ones we're experiencing, are the same as those Icheb and Mezoti described to us the other night. Mezoti thought she was a murder victim; she's very much alive. There _must_ be another explanation for what's happening."

"Commander Tuvok has suggested our ship could have been taken over by aliens who tampered with our memories and database records."

"He said that in the conference room, too, after the meeting the captain held after Dad's outburst with Naomi. I'll say what I did then. It's very unlikely. There's not enough time for it all to have happened. The chronometer in your cranial implant should tell us if it's even a possibility."

"I've already compared my internal chronometer with _Voyager's_. There is no discrepancy, no gap which would allow for the ship to have been overcome, to attack a colony, for the invaders to remove everyone's memories of the incident, and for us to proceed to our rendezvous with the _Delta Flyer_ as we have. I agree. There must be another reason for our mutual discomfort."

After my conversation with Seven ended, I spent several minutes meditating. I've had vivid, extremely disturbing visions which include Commander Saavdra and the murder of dozens of innocent civilians. Whether or not there were some who were not so innocent, I do not know. Father has admitted to experiencing them as well. Father and I, through our meditative techniques, have been able to handle these visions better than many of our fellow crew members. Seven has experience from being Borg to help her deal with multiple perceptions and still function. She's been helping the children cope with their own nightmarish visions. I understand Sam and Naomi have gone to Sickbay, as many of our crew have done, to receive the Doctor's neural suppressant treatments.

I don't know if these are hallucinations or are some sort of shared memories, but I'm confident of one inexplicable fact. Everyone is being haunted by the same events, yet I do not believe everyone could have experienced these incidents in the very same way. _That_ is totally illogical.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53717**

The closer we came to the Tarakis system, the worse everyone's symptoms became. We knew this system was the likely source of our distress. We approached the mustard-colored M-class planet known as Tarakis, assumed orbit, and scanned the entire region. There were no vessels in the system other than our own. The planet was uninhabited by any humanoid form of life. We couldn't identify any weapons signatures or phaser residues. We did identify an erratic power source located on the northernmost continent, however. The captain decided an away team comprised of the captain herself, Commander Chakotay, Father, Tom, Harry, and me should go down there to investigate. Sending a team of six was unusual. It showed how concerned the captain was about what we might find down there.

When we arrived, we discovered a huge tower. It was a memorial, erected to commemorate lives lost in a massacre that had occurred here three centuries ago. It was designed to make anyone passing by the system experience what happened to the victims - and to the perpetrators, who were full of remorse after they realized what they'd done. The memorial is malfunctioning, however. Instead of just sending out the testimony of the survivors (all soldiers), with an introduction to make it clear that what a person is picturing in their minds happened centuries ago, those who receive the transmissions now have no way to know what is real and what is not. They're receiving flashes of partial memories. As a result, like our crew, they can suffer from emotional shock and physical symptoms consistent with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The transmission's range extends far beyond the planetary system's outer border, which is probably much further than the designers had anticipated. The power cells need to be replaced if the memorial is to remain in place.

The captain decided to repair. She feels the victims deserve to be remembered. I agree. I've volunteered to work with the repair crew. The captain plans to place a buoy at the edge of the system, to warn anyone coming near about the true nature of the visions. This will be especially helpful if the memorial dampeners fail again, as they will some centuries from now, if the power cells are not replaced. These provisions should prevent others from suffering the way our crew did. It's interesting to note that once we knew what was causing our visions, our physical and psychological symptoms disappeared. The not knowing was the real problem for us all.

 **Supplemental**

The memorial has been repaired. Instead of fragmentary images, which are extremely disturbing because they're out of context, anyone who experiences the transferred memories now will know, from the beginning, what they are. The warning buoy is in place.

We'll be leaving orbit in a few moments, but first, the captain called for a moment of silence, in memory of those who died on this planet three centuries ago. Tarakis is a very fair planet. I understand why the Nakan people chose to settle here. Although we know what happened, we still don't know why the Nakan colonists were being moved from their homes, or if it was truly going to be a temporary removal. I don't believe we'll ever know.

We'll also never know exactly who fired first on that fateful night three hundred years ago. Was it an ambush? Did one soldier have an itchy trigger finger? It might have been an accident, a simple mistake, but 82 people died, many of them children. No wonder Dad, who is so fond of his god-daughter and her new Borg friends, was so terribly affected. All of us were.

=/\=


	70. A Walk with the Faerie Queen

=/\=

 **Stardate 53725**

Michael Sullivan, the proprietor of Sullivan's Public House, was walking around _Voyager_ today. He now knows we live on a spaceship, but he thinks we're time travelers, too. From his perspective, that's true. And maybe from ours as well, if we really think about it. That's something I'll need to meditate upon for a while tonight, I suppose. However, thanks to Michael's "visit," enabled through the use of the Doctor's mobile emitter, the people of Fair Haven are now aware we're from the future and not "Spirit Folk" who will whisk them away to the Land of Faerie. And that's a good thing, because they had Tom, Harry, and the Doctor trapped on the holodeck and were about to "cleanse the demons" from their town by burning the three of them on pyres! And since the safeties on the holodeck were disengaged at the time, that would have caused a very permanent character deletion indeed.

The trouble started because of our merry prankster, Tom Paris. He "repaired" the tire on his flivver with a wave of his hand. Seamus saw him do it and enlisted Milo, one of his cronies, to spy on Tom. Unfortunately, that was the night Tom thought it would be great fun to change Maggie O'Halloran into a cow, after she'd said young Harry Kim could give her a kiss. Seamus and Milo saw Maggie's transformation and drew the logical (to them) conclusion that it was magic - and dark magic at that. The villagers gathered together in the pub and shared other strange things they'd observed, such as Father Mulligan's disappearing into thin air after his sermon one Sunday morning (when the Doctor had to return to Sickbay) and a child of the town falling into a well while Katie O'Clare was nearby. When the mother returned after trying to find help, the child wasn't in the well. Katie O'Clare told the mother she'd imagined the whole thing. Grace added, "And that Neelix, the cook at the Ox and Lamb! He looks like a leprechaun!"

Even Michael was stunned when he suddenly found himself in a grid-walled room with Tom and Harry, who were talking about him like he wasn't there, saying they'd have to "fix" everyone in Fair Haven. Unlike the rest of the townsfolk, who wanted to banish the visitors permanently, Michael decided to investigate for himself what was happening. By this time, Tom, Harry, and "Father Mulligan" were tied on chairs in the church. Michael noticed the Doctor's mobile emitter and put it on himself. After demanding instructions on how to make the device work, Michael went looking for Katie O'Clare. He found her - on _Voyager's_ bridge, performing her captainly duties. Just by looking around at us working at our stations with their blinking lights and the view of space visible on the viewscreen before the helm, Michael knew he wasn't in Ireland any longer. He insisted that Katie tell him what was going on.

The captain took him on a tour around the ship. She explained we were explorers who enjoy going back in time every now and then, to visit his fair village, and to relax for a bit. She never mentioned that the town or Michael himself were holograms. She offered to go and speak to the townsfolk, however, and they went back to Fair Haven together. Captain Janeway soothed their high tempers, assuring them that what they'd seen wasn't magic, just science. We certainly weren't demons from hell! She asked them if our crew could still visit their pleasant little town, now that they knew we weren't from the same time and place as the townspeople. She also promised we'd never pull the sort of pranks Tom had again, and extracted the same promise from him. Since Tom was in a chair awaiting execution at the time, he wisely apologized for his misdeeds and promised, "It will never happen again." The townsfolk were satisfied with the explanation and the apology, and the prisoners were released from custody.

The captain, Tom, Harry, and the Doctor spent the rest of the evening in the pub. Other crew members and many of the townsfolk were there, too. Tom placated Seamus and Milo by buying them more than a few "pints," courtesy of the shillings in Tom's pocket. At "dawn," the Fair Haven program was shut down to permit necessary repairs to be completed.

The captain has researched holodeck problems in our database and learned that the _USS Enterprise,_ under Captain Jean-Luc Picard, once had a similar problem when Moriarity, a Sherlock Holmes program character, becoming self-aware. That program was also running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We now know that destabilizes holodeck programs. It's hard on the holoemitters, too, which need to be shut down every day, even if it's only for a few minutes, to recharge and reconfigure themselves. (B'Elanna was getting tired of repairing blown holoemitters. She had to fix three of them during the past week alone.)

Tom and Harry have decided not to alter any of the characters' memories. The townsfolk know we're from a different time and live on a spaceship. Tom explained that if he did wipe that from their memories, he would be making a liar of the captain, who promised we would do no harm to the townspeople. I praised Tom's reasoning as perfectly logical, assuming my very best, pedantic Commander Tuvok voice. Tom laughed at me. I'm glad he still can!

 **Supplemental**

Michael gave the captain a book, Edmund Spenser's _The Faerie Queen_ , when he was hinting he knew something was going on with her that was outside his own experience. When the program reopened, she returned the favor by presenting him with a copy of Mark Twain's _A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court._ Michael's a very intelligent man - well, he _is_ a man, even if he's photonic - and understood the reference right away. For the captain's sake, and for that of everyone on _Voyager_ , really, I'm glad we'll still be able to visit our fair Fair Haven when we want to leave the 24th century behind for a little while. It's a very pleasant place to visit, and, thankfully, once again, a very quiet one.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53731**

After today's shift was over, I went to Fair Haven with Seven, Naomi, and the Borg children. Sam hadn't had a chance to bring Naomi to that program yet, even before we had the problems from the storm. Since the pub seemed so central to the activities, she wanted to make sure the program was appropriate for her daughter first. As long as I was supervising the children, however, she was willing to let Naomi visit it with Mezoti. It was probably a good thing I hadn't brought them there before. The townspeople thought Dad "looked like a leprechaun." If I'd gone there then with the children, when the characters were becoming so suspicious of the visiting crew, we might have gotten into trouble, too. All of the children, and me, have alien heritages.

Today, the people of the town accepted it without comment when I told them we were visitors from another planet. Since they now saw me as I am, which is different from the way they look, I presume Tom had previously included perceptual filters on the characters so I looked just like one of them on my earlier visits, before the neutronic wave front hit _Voyager_. Tom didn't replace those filters, which I think was a good decision. If you can accept spaceships and time travel, it isn't that much of a leap to accept an alien visitor or two, is it?

While we toured the town for a little while and had dinner with Dad at the Ox and Lamb, we spent most of our time down by the seashore. Seven, of course, insisted on using our walk along the sea strand as an educational experience. The youngsters seem to have figured out a way to have fun anyway, even when Seven is pontificating.

Icheb spent much of the time discussing the project he's been building for the upcoming science fair with Seven. The twins were - well, they were the twins. They don't say much to anyone other than each other, ever. They were silent so much of the time in Fair Haven program, I think they must have been communicating the way they did on the day they were cheating at Kadis-kot, through their Borg neural interfaces, rather than audible speech.

But it did my heart good to see the two girls skipping along the edge of the sea in their bare feet, throwing pebbles and shells into the water, and, upon occasion, finding a shell that was too pretty to throw away and having it replicated as a souvenir. Little Mezoti always looks so pale inside the rest of the ship. Today, the simulated sea breezes made her cheeks almost as rosy as Naomi's. She even broke into a smile every now and then. And Naomi was simply glowing. She finally has a real, live girl to play with who is nothing like a Vaadwaur.

=/\=


	71. Parental Rights

=/\=

 **Stardate 53747**

The children had the "First Annual Voyager Science Fair" in the Mess Hall today. The children did a wonderful job on their science projects, although adults did pitch in to assist them when they needed our help. Mezoti loves bugs - the insect type, not the ones infecting computer systems! While on a food-gathering mission on a planet with an abundance of local flora and fauna, along with many very productive farms, one of the colonists showed Noah Lessing an ant hill the farmer was hoping to eliminate. He said the ants interfered with the setting of some of the more delicate fruits he was growing. Noah dug out the entire ant colony and brought it to the Exo-botany Lab for Mezoti's project. I helped her construct a clear cube to house them. Mezoti studied the database on the ants and added a substance that made them glow.

Captain Janeway was very impressed with the project, although when Mezoti talked about the drones of the colony serving a queen ant, she said, "I thought we were trying to get the children away from the Borg!" Seven told her she hadn't wanted to interfere with Mezoti's desire to make her own choice. (I'm glad the captain didn't have any problem with the ant farm's cubic housing!)

Dad helped Naomi set up her globe of Ktaris IV, her father's home world. She'd researched the climatic patterns and used holographic animation to display the prevailing winds changing with the turn of the seasons over the course of a Ktarian year. She did a wonderful job.

The twins _SAID_ they wanted to clone Naomi. Seven decided they should start smaller, so they cloned a potato instead. Since they're twins, I can see why they might be attracted to the idea of cloning something, but I think they displayed their intelligence - and deviousness - by "taking Seven's advice" and choosing to do the easier project. If Seven had said they could clone Naomi, I suspect the twins would have decided potatoes would be a better experimental subject after all.

Icheb was the star of the fair. He's the oldest, of course, but the gravimetric sensor array he created can detect neutrino fluxes. Since neutrinos are often found near wormholes, the array wasn't only an exercise in pure science. The device might help _Voyager_ discover a shortcut to the Alpha Quadrant. Seven assured the captain the engineering principles were sound. I could see how proud Seven was of Icheb's achievement. Even B'Elanna was impressed. If he continues to develop as he has up to now, he'll prove to be a real asset to _Voyager's_ crew in the future.

 **Supplemental**

My earlier log entry included a prediction that won't come true. Icheb's parents have been located. They want us to return him to them. They are his parents and have the right to get him back. We've changed course and are underway to the planet Brunal right now.

Seven will be devastated by this news. It won't be easy for her to tell Icheb about this, either. They've grown very close. I don't know what this will mean for Mezoti. Tom and Harry told me the captain has sent at least four messages to the Norcadian government, asking them to make arrangements for her to be returned to family members or to a foster home. The authorities acknowledge receiving the message, but we never hear from them again. Considering all the drama that occurred when we rescued Father, Seven and Kraahn from the Tsunkatse arena, it's unlikely they're really looking for a home for her. I don't know where in their system she comes from, since Mezoti's facial features are very different from Penk's. As for Azan, Rebi, and little Aimee, we can't even identify their species. There's no record of their genomes in any of the Delta Quadrant databases which we've consulted. I won't be surprised if they stay with us all the way to the Alpha Quadrant.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53751**

We're currently in orbit around Brunal, Icheb's home planet. It's a desolate place, with a Borg conduit barely a light year away. Judging from the tremendous gouges on the planet's surface, it appears the Borg have victimized the Brunali repeatedly. They've helped themselves to cities, industrial areas, and mineral deposits. At this point, it's a poor place for a young man like Icheb to live, and he's been quite resistant to going "home" to his parents. He says he can't remember them and would prefer to remain on _Voyager_. I wish that were an option. It's not. The captain will not allow it. From the first day they came onto our ship, Captain Janeway has been adamant that we need to find homes for all the children - preferably with their own families - but she'll accept any reasonable substitute. His parents have been found. Icheb will be leaving us.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53755**

Today we said goodbye to Icheb. He didn't want to stay with his parents for more than a few minutes the first time he was transported to the planet's surface. The captain invited them to visit Icheb here, on our ship. Dad allowed Yifay, Icheb's mother, into his kitchen so she could prepare a dish her son has always loved. Once Icheb tasted the _poma_ , he cleaned his plate and asked for seconds. (Dad told me he tried some. It was so good, he asked Yifay for the recipe.) The parents convinced Icheb to spend a night with them at their home, and he consented.

During Icheb's visit with his parents, he learned more about them and about the planet. When Icheb came back to the ship, he told me that he was very impressed by their genetic modification technology. It's an essential skill, since the Borg have stolen so many of their resources. The people are constantly looking to improve the efficiency of their farmlands. They do what they can to hide their technology from the Borg, hoping to avoid further "visits" from the neighbors. Judging from the ruins beyond the settlement, Icheb believes the Brunali civilization must have been quite advanced before the Borg began to plunder it regularly. I asked him if he's decided what to do. He told me he believes he may be able to contribute what he's learned from his time on _Voyager_ , and from being Borg, to help his people. He didn't come right out and tell me his decision, but I was fairly certain I knew what it would be.

After he left me, Icheb went to Seven and told her he'd be staying with his parents. She accepted his decision quite stoically, I understand; but after Icheb left her to say goodbye to the crew, I went to see her. The expression on her face reminded me of the way she looked after One's death. She was in mourning - and no wonder. She'd begun to think of him as her son as much as her protégé. I tried my best to comfort her. She requested my help assembling educational materials for him so Icheb can continue his studies after he leaves us. We even replicated a high-resolution telescope for him to use. Icheb told Seven his father Leucon loves to "stargaze." I suspect that may have helped Icheb accept leaving _Voyager_ and it's wondrous Astrometrics Lab, where he's spent so many happy hours studying the stars with Seven. He thanked us for the gifts and promised to use what we'd provided and study every day.

I'm going to miss that young man.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53760**

We've just rescued Icheb from the Borg a second time. I'm still having trouble processing everything that's just happened.

I didn't know why the captain suddenly ordered us to change course and return to Brunal, but I could sense Seven's agitation when she came onto the bridge when we entered the system.

The captain contacted Yifay and Leucon and asked them a very simple question: "I'd like to speak to Icheb." The parents said he "wasn't available." Of course he wasn't. He was in a one-person transport vessel, headed towards the Borg conduit, just as a sphere about to emerge. Icheb's parents insisted we had no right to interfere with their plans. Their plans? For him to be assimilated by the Borg? How could they _do_ that to such a wonderful young man?

The parents' objections meant nothing to the captain, who was now in full child protection mode. Icheb's transport had been doctored up to entice the Borg into thinking the technology was far more advanced, and therefore attractive to the Collective, than it really was. As soon as we were close enough, we transported Icheb to Sickbay. Since the sphere was about to attack our ship, too, Seven suggested we use a variation of the trick Harry came up with last year. That time, the photon torpedo we slipped through the scout ship's shields exploded much too close to its power matrix, and the little Borg vessel exploded into fragments. This time, we transported the armed photon torpedo inside the craft which Icheb had occupied, and the plan worked to perfection. A few seconds after the Borg tractored the Brunali transport inside their sphere, the torpedo's charge erupted. The sphere wasn't destroyed, but it was so severely damaged, it was unable to pursue _Voyager_ when we flew off at maximum warp.

I know I have a very unorthodox family. Despite the fact that I entered into their lives as a fully grown individual, capable of living an independent life, both of my fathers embraced me, in their own very different ways, as their son. They've wanted the best for me ever since my advent. I know Father loves me, even though he's unable to say it to my face. Dad, of course, has told me many times how wonderful it is to have me for a son, since all the earlier generations of his family and his siblings are dead. We consider the Wildmans our "relatives," since Dad is Naomi's godfather. We're close to our Borg youngsters, too. _Voyager's_ "children" need to stick together.

Every child needs to be loved and nurtured by its parents. Unfortunately, not all parents will do that for their offspring, and if they won't, a child has the right to be loved and nurtured by someone who will. If Yifay and Leucon didn't want him, why didn't they simply allow Icheb to stay on _Voyager?_ I cannot understand why they did what they did. It defies logic.

 **Supplemental**

When I came to the end of my shift, I went to Sickbay to see how Icheb was doing. Mezoti and Naomi were standing near the entrance. The Doctor told them they couldn't visit Icheb until he was awake, and then, only if Seven or Samantha Wildman were there to supervise them. I contacted the Doctor and asked him about Icheb's status. He was still unconscious. I asked if I could bring the girls for a visit once Icheb is awake. Could I substitute for Seven and Sam? He said that would be acceptable, as long as Sam and Seven agreed. The girls were listening to our conversation, of course. After I contacted Sam and Seven, who consented to my supervision of the girls during a visit to Sickbay, I suggested we wait in the Mess Hall, where snacks would be available, instead of standing around in the Deck 5 corridor.

Once Dad supplied Naomi and Mezoti with their favorite snacks, we sat at a table near the windows to wait for word from the Doctor. Everyone who came into the Mess Hall for a break or late lunch asked us about his status. Despite the possible danger the Borg presented to our ship during our rescue of Icheb, everyone agreed the risk was acceptable to save him from a second assimilation. He's quite a popular young man.

While we were sitting there waiting, Mezoti shared details Naomi and I hadn't known, which explained why our ship turned around to check on Icheb's status so soon after we'd left him with his parents. Mezoti had been unable to regenerate after Icheb left. When her cycle was disturbed, she interrupted Seven's because she wanted to talk about how much she missed her "big brother."

"I was afraid Icheb would be assimilated again because that planet is so close to a transwarp conduit. Seven said I shouldn't worry. The Brunali no longer have any technology to interest the Borg. But Icheb's father lied to her about how Icheb was assimilated. Leucon told Seven that Icheb was curious about new farming equipment. He went into the field where it was by himself. The Borg came and assimilated the apparatus and everyone in the field that day. He said this happened four years ago. But Icheb was alone in a small ship when he was assimilated, and it was only a few months ago. Seven didn't believe me at first, but she checked other records and found out Leucon's story didn't fit the facts. Mine did. 'A class-one transport was detected in grid 649 . . . one life-form . . . species: Brunali.'"

Naomi was horrified. I was, too. Icheb's parents had lied about the circumstances of his first assimilation and had deliberately _sent_ him to be assimilated by the Borg - twice.

Mezoti told us she hoped the captain never found her parents. "I don't want to leave _Voyager_. This is my home now. This is my Collective. Seven told us _Voyager_ is her Collective, too." It was gratifying to hear Mezoti say she wanted to stay with us. I like her quite as much as I do Naomi, my "pseudo-sibling," as we call ourselves sometimes, when we're being silly. (I would never let Father know about it, of course, but Dad joins in the fun sometimes.) Mezoti is certainly a no-nonsense kind of girl, but Naomi enjoys Mezoti's company. They're very good for each other. I'd like to think Mezoti is more typical of the Norcadians than Penk!

When the Doctor contacted us and tell us Icheb was awake, we went to Sickbay. Seven and the captain had already visited him, so Icheb knew what had occurred. He didn't say very much. He was still in shock from the turn of events. He said his mother spent little time with him during the three days he was on Brunal, but Leucon did. "My father . . . seemed to like me . . ." Icheb said, so quietly, with so much pain, my heart went out to him. It may take a long time for Icheb to get over this betrayal by the ones who should have loved and protected him.

I dropped Naomi off at the Wildman quarters before I brought Mezoti to "Borg Central," as the crew has been calling Cargo Bay Two. Seven was there and told Mezoti to get ready to regenerate. The twins were already in their alcoves. Once Mezoti's regeneration cycle was running, I asked Seven if there was anything I could do for the children - or her.

I wasn't sure if she was going to reply, but then she shook her head, as if to clear it from cobwebs (unless Mezoti has managed to convince an away team to bring her some from a food foraging expedition, we don't have any spiders on _Voyager_ ). Finally, Seven said that she's still trying to understand everything that's happened. She added, " Commander Tuvok will explain what the Doctor discovered about Icheb. _Voyager's_ security staff should know about this, although there shouldn't be any danger to the crew on _this_ ship."

I was intrigued, but since I could see she needed to regenerate, I left her, with instructions to call me if she thought of anything I could do to help. Since Icheb is still in Sickbay, Seven won't have to wait for a free alcove to take care of her own needs. After taking my leave of "Borg Central," I didn't return to my own quarters right away. I went to see Father, who explained what Seven meant by her last statement regarding danger to our crew.

Icheb had been genetically programmed to be the carrier of the pathogen that killed the adults on the Borg cube. If the children had not been protected by their maturation chambers, they would have died, too. It's possible the chambers disgorged the children prematurely because of the pathogen's influence. "Initially, it works on the biological parts of a Borg's body, but when the Doctor performed the post-mortem on the corpse from the children's cube, he found evidence it also damages the mechanical components of a drone. Although the pathogen in Icheb's body is currently inert, it is present in his DNA. It would reactivate if he should be assimilated by the Borg again. Icheb's parents created him to be a 'Typhoid Mary' to the Collective."

"Is that why the children's cube blew up?" I asked Father.

"It may have been a factor, although the feedback pulse we sent through the tractor beam to free _Voyager_ from the cube's tractor beam was the direct cause. In any event, we must do everything we can to protect the other children and Seven of Nine from the accidental reactivation of the pathogen."

Father didn't need to say more. The Borg believe resistance is futile, but they would do well to avoid _Voyager_ from now on. With Icheb on this ship, assimilating our vessel would be an exercise in futility for the Borg - a fatal one, as well.

=/\=


	72. The Gentle Wanderer

=/\=

 **Stardate 53774**

Kes came back to _Voyager_ yesterday. I wish I could say she's come back to stay, and that she's back together with Dad, but I can't. She's already gone.

I was standing at the back-up security station on the bridge when she hailed _Voyager_. For a few seconds I had to search my memory, because her voice seemed so familiar, yet different, too. I realized it was Kes just before the visual came up on the screen.

If I'm honest with myself, as I always try to be in this log, I might have had just as much trouble recognizing her from looking at her face that I did from her voice. I know the Ocampa generally don't live for more than ten years or so (except on Suspiria's space station, which the crew and Kes encountered before my advent). According to Dad, the Ocampa keep their youthful looks until the last year of their lives. Kes looked, well, she looked older than Father does. A lot older. Kes hasn't celebrated her seventh birthday as of yet. I guess she must have led a very hard life since leaving _Voyager_.

She asked to come aboard. The captain agreed, of course, but we (Father, Harry, and I) scanned her shuttle (which wasn't the one she took when she left _Voyager_ two and a half years ago) and noticed it was in quite poor condition. After the captain mentioned this observation to Kes, she replied, "I know. Could you please use a tractor beam to bring me in? I would hate to crash into the shuttle bay. This little ship is just about ready to give out on me."

We did as she asked, and the little craft landed safely. Father told me to notify Dad, so he could meet Kes in the shuttle bay. Captain Janeway suggested that Father call Mr. Ayala and Crewman Sofin to take our places at Tactical and Security, so we would be free to go to the shuttlebay, too. It was most thoughtful of her. That's another reason we all adore our captain so! She thinks of little things like this all the time. The captain contacted B'Elanna and asked her to look at Kes' shuttle, too, to see if we can take care of any necessary repairs to make the craft safer for Kes to utilize. From a quick glance at the shuttle's exterior, it appears it may require quite a bit of work to make it space-worthy.

Kes seemed quite happy to see us. She hugged us, one by one. I thought it was interesting she didn't ask us how we were doing. It's as if she already _knew_ we were doing well. We could see she was tired, and the captain insisted she should rest for a while before we "caught up." Kes wouldn't go to her old quarters, though, which have been mine ever since she left us. Instead, Kes said we should go to the Mess Hall. "I can take a nap on one of the couches if I need one. I can sleep through anything, you know." She said this with a little laugh. That was the first time I could really see our Kes again.

Nothing the captain said would change her mind. Finally, except for B'Elanna and Vorik, who were poking their noses into every nook and cranny of Kes' shuttle, we trooped up to the Mess Hall "for a little snack," as Dad put it. I insisted he replicate things _everyone_ else would like, not just Talaxian fare, and he agreed without any argument. ("Of course," he said. "It's for Kessie.")

Once she was seated at a table in the Mess Hall, Kes began to revive a bit. She even looked a little younger. I mentioned this to her, and she laughed in that warm way she's always had. "When I'm rested, I do look younger, don't I?" The lunch rush was over, so we were able to sit around and relax. Chell was there, as he often is, backing up Dad. He was overjoyed to see Kes again and flattered her so effusively, I was tempted to ask him to tone it down a little. He does rattle on so sometimes.

Captain Janeway asked Kes about her adventures. She said she'd been traveling "here and there and everywhere," but she seemed reluctant to give us any specifics. Father asked, quite tentatively, if she'd had any more problems with her "energy levels," ("You mean my 'energy surges,' don't you, Tuvok?"), and he admitted that's what he was asking. She reassured him she would no longer be a danger to _Voyager_. "I've learned how to control them very well. I've had to. There are some very dangerous species out and about in the galaxy, you know. You've met some of them, I'm sure."

Just then, Seven of Nine walked into the Mess Hall, followed by her four young charges and Naomi Wildman. "And domesticated some, too, I see!" Kes exclaimed with a grin. Naomi remembered her and ran over to Kes to greet her. Our former Borg hung back. Kes asked to be introduced to the youngsters, and soon they were all chatting about their lives on _Voyager_. Azan and Rebi actually spoke in full sentences to Kes, which astonished me. (I'm lucky to get more than three words at a time out of either of them, without a prodigious effort.)

As I was musing about the twin boys' sudden friendliness, I realized that Kes, unaccountably, looked even younger that she had when she arrived. In fact, she looked almost like the Kes I'd known from my first days on _Voyager_. I glanced over at Dad, and then at Father, and I realized they both looked extremely puzzled, too.

Finally, Seven told the children that their "recess" was just about over. They each replicated a snack - nutritional supplements for the Borg children, and an oatmeal raisin cookie and glass of milk for Naomi - and sat down at a table in the corner. While the children were at the replicator, Seven inquired after Kes' health. I wondered if she had noticed how she'd gotten younger as she was talking with the children. Kes said she was doing "all right for now." That set up several worried glances between the captain and the rest of us.

"Kes, did you come to us to see the Doctor?" the captain asked.

"Of course I want to see him! But it's not because I need a physical examination or anything like that. The truth is, I'm dying, but there's nothing anyone can do about it."

Everyone began to talk at once, until Kes hushed us. "I'll explain in a minute. Maybe we should summon the Doctor before I tell you why I'm here. By the way, has he picked out a name yet?"

"No, he has not," Seven said, in her usual forceful manner.

"Why not? What's he waiting for?"

"You should ask him about that. Maybe you can get him to finally choose one," the captain said.

After Seven and the children said their goodbyes and returned to their lessons, the captain contacted the EMH. "It's about time you called me!" he grumped, but when he arrived at the Mess Hall, he was all smiles. Since Kes had maintained her more youthful appearance, he didn't attempt to carry her off to Sickbay for that physical she claimed she didn't need.

By this time, the early dinner crowd was starting to gather. Since Kes said she had more to say, Dad asked Chell to take over the Mess Hall for the evening meal, too. When the captain suggested we go to the conference room, Kes thought that would be perfect. Chakotay, Harry, and Tom could hear what she had to say then, since we'd be next to the bridge. When we arrived, B'Elanna was already there, ready to report her appraisal of Kes' shuttle.

B'Elanna came right out with it. "That ship will disintegrate any second! I'm surprised you were able to keep it together long enough to get it here."

Kes smiled enigmatically. "I have my ways. That's one reason it's in such bad shape." Then she sighed and said she needed to get home to the Ocampa caverns, "before there isn't enough left of me to tell my people what they need to know." That prompted the Doctor to remove his medical tricorder from his belt and scan her. "Don't bother, Doctor. I'm coming to the end of my corporeal life. I know it, and there's really nothing you can do about it. I just hope I can keep myself together long enough to get home first." She smiled at him, then. "Tell them, Doctor. How old does your tricorder say I am?"

He cleared his throat in that way he does when he wants to delay saying something. Since he has no throat to clear, it's an affectation he's adopted from one of the many physicians in his matrix. Finally, he said, "It says you're fifteen years old. That's ridiculous. You're not a day over . . . "

"Oh, but I am that old, Doctor. Probably older, considering the way I've traveled so many places - so far, and so fast, and before and after in time - but I've got a trick, you see. I used it on _Voyager_ when I left you, after I began to change. Remember?"

The captain answered her. "When you gave us that push out of the space that the Borg and Species 8472 were fighting about. Ten years closer to home." Kes said she was correct.

"For a long time after that, I was _just_ energy. It was exhilarating for a while, but then . . . I got bored. It's true! Having a body and enjoying life with other people is very stimulating. I remembered your Mr. Einstein and began to experiment transforming myself from energy to matter, and then back to energy again. It's like anything else. Practicing a procedure makes it second nature after a while, and I learned to prevent energy surges. And then I remembered something I'd read in _Voyager's_ database, about an Alpha Quadrant species called the Organians. I went there and discovered the Ocampa are very much like them."

"Like the Organians," Commander Chakotay said. He sounded very surprised, and looked even more so when Kes agreed with him.

"Only I'm not sure the Ocampa can come back to corporeal form once they've finally achieved _morilogium_. The Organians can, as they showed Captain Kirk and Commander Kor when the Federation and the Klingon Empire were vying for their planet. They put an end to their arguments by imposing the Organian Peace Treaty. My true, final _morilogium_ probably won't come for a few more years, but I have to start back now if I'm going to get home in time. I need to tell my people what I've learned about our true natures."

The shuttle Kes had been on when she left _Voyager_ was consumed when she was transformed into a creature of pure energy. She found the craft she arrived in floating in space, abandoned. Since the technology is "nothing special," Kes believes it may have been thought not worthy of assimilation when the people inside it were taken.

"I did find traces of Borg nanoprobes in the ship," B'Elanna said, a little reluctantly. I was glad that Seven wasn't here to hear this. B'Elanna went on to say that certain components may have been taken by the Borg. Parts of the warp drive were missing from the propulsion system. "That's why I was so surprised you managed to get here!" B'Elanna said.

Kes smiled her beatific smile, although she already looked a little older than she did in the Mess Hall, when the children came in to say hello to her. "Yes, it's taken more of a beating since I picked it up. It won't make it back to Ocampa in the state it's in now; and I won't be able to maintain a corporeal body if I try to travel all the way there solely as a creature of energy. If that happens, I'll lose the ability to come back as a humanoid; and I couldn't share the proof that the stories of our people's mental powers aren't myths. _You_ know they're real, just from knowing me. Species 8472 may have triggered my energy surges earlier in my life span than would have come about in the natural way of things, but my people need to know the old stories are true. Our mental and physical powers are our birthright. We don't need to fear the _morilogium_ , because it's really the same thing as . . . well . . . as puberty."

"You mean it's not death?" Chakotay asked.

"No, it's our passage from childhood to adulthood. An Ocampa doesn't live for nine or ten or even twenty years. That's how long our _childhood_ lasts. It's also when we create a new generation of Ocampa. In the past, we maintained our population levels through multiple births. I believe the Caretaker did something to us, perhaps in our food, so that only one child was born during a woman's only _elogium_. He meant for our people to die out before he did. When we finally grow up, we shed our corporeal bodies, but our consciousness lives on for hundreds of years. Maybe thousands. I never had a chance to find out exactly how long it can be. The Q might know, but I'd rather not ask them. They're so erratic."

The captain shook her head, as if it couldn't contain everything Kes had said.

I looked over at Father. He was leaning back, looking very solemn, with his fingertips joined together, something he does whenever he's contemplating anything important. Or meditating. I looked at Dad. His mouth was open, but he looked like he couldn't find any words to say. I know I couldn't. That's why I've been able to remember so much of what was said at this meeting. All that Kes told us is engraved into my memory.

Tom was the one who broke the silence. "Kes, your shuttle is in bad shape. Do you need us to provide you with another one?"

"Well, no, not a whole new shuttle. I don't need a propulsion system. I can move it along very nicely on my own. I know how to control my surges now. The solid parts shouldn't disintegrate when I do it anymore. But I do need a structure, a container of some kind, that's stronger than my little ship is now. That one would be fine if its structural integrity can be reinforced so it can hold together during my entire journey home."

B'Elanna consulted her PADD and said it might be possible to reinforce the craft Kes used to come here, but she recommended returning the impulse engines to operational status, ". . . in case someone gets curious about how you're getting from place to place."

"They probably wouldn't believe you if you told them the truth," Tom said, which broke a lot of the tension. It was hard for _US_ to believe, and we all know about Kes' abilities.

The captain told B'Elanna to do whatever she needed to do to rejuvenate Kes' shuttle, and the meeting broke up. I went to Kes and offered to stay with Dad or Father tonight, so she could rest in her old quarters. She said she'd prefer setting up a cot in her airponics bay. "I've been dreaming about being there again, with the smell of fresh plants all around me." That's when the captain had to tell her that while we still grow foodstuffs and flowers on the ship, they're now spread out in different locations. The airponics bay which she remembers isn't there anymore. "Why isn't it still in Cargo Bay Two?" she asked.

"Kes, that's Borg Central now," Tom said. "It's where Seven and the children stay."

"If they're willing to let me stay with them, maybe I could have my cot set up there. All of the Delta Quadrant 'children' should stick together. It _is_ only for one night."

The captain laughed, but Father, I noticed, did not. "You truly believe that the Ocampa, in their corporeal form, are children?" he asked.

She became very serious. "That's what The Caretaker always called us."

The captain became very pensive, finally saying, "You're right. That _is_ what he said to me about the Ocampa. That they were children."

". . . who needed to be taken care of. That's why he went to such lengths to find someone to replace him, once he realized he was dying. There's something that worries me, Captain. He built up the underground city's energy reserves just before he died. I don't know how long those reserves will hold out. I hope they aren't already gone. I need to get back to Ocampa. With what I know now, I might be able to find alternative energy sources before they have to try their luck on the surface. You know what happened to me when I went up there. I wouldn't have lasted long if Neelix and your crew hadn't come along when you did."

 **Supplemental**

Seven and the children were delighted to have a guest for one night. Mezoti, in particular, was fascinated by Kes. This morning, when we gathered for breakfast, Kes said our favorite Norcadian peppered her with questions last night, until Seven insisted Mezoti climb into her regeneration cubicle. And even then, Mezoti was procrastinating, standing far enough in front of it so it couldn't engage. Seven had to push back into her alcove to initiate the cycle. As we've learned, Mezoti's curiosity knows no bounds.

B'Elanna ordered Ensign Vorik and many of the Gamma shift engineering staff to work on Kes' shuttle overnight. The Shuttle Building and Maintenance crew came in early for Alpha shift and installed a very basic impulse drive. By 1300 hours, the job was done. The captain asked her to stay another day, just to visit, but Kes was eager to get under way.

The "family," along with the captain, Commander Chakotay, and the EMH, gathered in the shuttle bay to say goodbye. B'Elanna, Tom, Seven and the Borg children came, too. B'Elanna had something for Kes to take with her. "We have something for you to give to Dr. Denara Pel, if you can do it without putting yourself in danger. The Think Tank claimed they'd given the Vidiians the cure for the Phage," B'Elanna explained. "But we're not sure they were telling us the truth. They had a talent for lying. Whether the Vidiians have a cure now or not, we owe these DNA samples to Dr. Pel. If you recall, we couldn't finish the exchange for the serum that cured the captain and Chakotay on New Earth. We owe her. We like to pay our debts."

"I remember," Kes said. "Is this your DNA sample?"

"Actually, everyone on the ship has provided one, even little Aimee, Azan and Rebi, although we don't know who their people are."

"Thank you, B'Elanna. I'll find a way to get this to her. If the Phage has been cured, Dr. Pel might still find a use for your 'payment.' "

And then it really was time to say goodbye. Kes hugged everyone briefly, but her last embrace was the longest, and reserved for Dad. She held him close and whispered something into his ear. Her voice was so gentle and soft, even with the superior Vulcan hearing I inherited from Father, I couldn't catch what she'd said to Dad. Then she walked to her shuttle and waved goodbye from the hatchway. No drama this time, no wildly fluctuating energy surges to endanger _Voyager's_ hull. Her ship simply floated out of the shuttle bay, and then, in a flash quite like any ship going to warp, it was gone - except this little craft isn't equipped with a warp drive. Kes herself, with her marvelous powers, flashed it away from our humanoid senses.

I didn't ask him about it right away, but when Dad and I were at dinner, I hinted it would be "nice to know" what Kes' last words were to him. "She told me I would find someone to love me again, the way she'd loved me. And I'd have a family again someday. Of course, she's right. I _do_ have a family. I have you, my son, and Mr. Vulcan, too. Although it may be a bit strange to some, we're a family!" He laughed then, but it was a sad one, full of longing for something - and someone - he'd never see again.

I didn't say anything more then, but when I meditated this evening, all I could bring to mind _was_ my family. It's unconventional, but I'm so glad to be here, to support my fathers, as they mourn their loss of Kes for a second time. Kes was Dad's girlfriend. He thought they were mated for life, even though he always knew they wouldn't be together long. Father was her mentor; and since Kes was the Doctor's mentor, I included him in my meditations tonight, too. While everyone on _Voyager_ is one family, in a sense, ours is a special bond. I know how lonely Dad is. I'm his son, but he would be so much happier if he had a spouse of his own, too.

I will miss Kes. Our relationship was sometimes a little rocky, but I wish her well. I hope she makes it back to Ocampa in her rebuilt shuttle. The sad thing is, we'll never know for sure if she did get home - or if she never did.

=/\=

 **Author's Note:** The script for "Fury" was a mess and trashed a character many viewers liked, even loved. I've rewritten the events of that episode here in a way that I believe are more consistent with Kes' character than we saw in "Fury." (If anyone thinks, "Hey, the Voyager Virtual Season 7.5 writers wrote up that scenario years ago," Well, yes, they did. Since I was the writer who devised and wrote that story line for Kes, I decided to use it here, too. I don't think a writer borrowing from herself can be accused of plagiarism!) -jamelia


	73. Family Ties

=/\=

 **Stardate 53781**

The first time we heard from the Alpha Quadrant, we were all in shock. Admiral Paris said his staff was going to continue working on ways to communicate with us regularly. There was barely enough time to say that, and for the admiral to say he missed his son and was proud of him, before the micro-wormhole Lieutenant Reginald Barclay had opened began to close. There was sufficient time for a condensed datastream exchange, though. The captain sent our ship's logs, crew reports, and navigation records to the Alpha Quadrant, while Barclay forwarded data on a new hyper-subspace technology, with recommendations on how to modify our current system to permit its use once it had been perfected. Seven and Harry had implemented those modifications promptly. So, while we were surprised and excited when the transmission came through Astrometrics today, we were well-prepared to receive it.

At the time of the initial transmission last year, Lieutenant Barclay had to guess where our ship might be, based on the information our EMH provided Starfleet when he traveled to the _Prometheus_ and confirmed _Voyager's_ survival _._ We made several very long jumps through various one-time-only technologies since then, however, which Barclay couldn't have anticipated. He used up a significant amount of time aiming the array from place to place until his last choice was close enough for us to intercept it. Less guesswork was necessary this time, as he had our navigation records available to fine tune his aim. We received a rapid burst of data which contained, in addition to the official communiqués from Starfleet Headquarters, a multitude of letters sent by family and friends, in visual as well as textual form. This personal correspondence warmed the hearts of just about everyone, even those of us who weren't privileged to receive anything.

Sam and Naomi received a very precious message. They hadn't received a letter from Naomi's father Gresgrendtreck through the Hirogen array. This time he sent a visual message to his wife and daughter. You could see the tears glistening in his eyes as he told them how much he longed to see them in person, so he could "hug them close and never let them get on a starship without him again." That message will be played and replayed over and over again by both mother and daughter. Sam has had images of Gres to share with Naomi, but to have him speak directly to his daughter and call her by name - well, that was a very special moment. I'm so pleased they chose to share that message with Dad and me.

The initial, "highest priority" message to the captain provided a time frame for her to send back logs and other reports generated since the initial "Project Pathfinder" communication (which we now know is what they call it), and for our crew to communicate with their loved ones. Every 32 days, the datastream signal can be aligned through an artificial micro-wormhole. A channel will open allowing a datastream to be sent for a period of a little over seventeen hours before conditions will deteriorate and the window will close until next time.

Even though the crew has been preparing and updating messages to be sent to their family and friends ever since the first transmission, not many could be sent in return - in fact, none were.

The Doctor had received a message from Lieutenant Barclay, informing him that Dr. Lewis Zimmerman was terminally ill. None of the physicians in the Alpha Quadrant, including the upgraded EMH Mark-2, -3, and -4 programs, had been able to cure him. Lieutenant Barclay sent Dr. Zimmerman's medical records to our EMH, requesting a consultation. Could our Doctor recommend a course of treatment no one else has attempted?

The Doctor noticed that his creator suffered from acute subcellular degradation. The condition looked a lot like the early stage of the Vidiian Phage. The Doctor thought he might be able to devise a cure based upon Borg regenerative techniques, but there was a catch. He wanted to travel back through the datastream to implement the treatment himself. There wouldn't be room for anything in the return datastream other than the tactical and log information the captain was required to send to Starfleet Command. None of the crew's personal messages could be sent until the next transmission opened, and our helmsman Tom Paris would need to act as _Voyager's_ chief medical officer during the Doctor's 32-day absence from the ship.

While the captain was reluctant to permit this excursion, the Doctor had done his homework. He'd gone to Tom and explained the situation, and Tom agreed to replace the Doctor (although he told him that he had _better_ return in 32 days or he'd have B'Elanna remove every single recreational subroutine he'd ever slipped into his program without permission - and some of the ones that had been authorized by the captain as well). The Doctor also went to many of the crew, including Sam and Naomi, to explain the situation and ask them if they'd be willing to wait a month before replying to their own messages. "It will give me more time to decide what to say to my father," Naomi said. I know Father gave his blessing to the EMH without a second's hesitation. This was a mission of mercy. The Doctor might be able to save Dr. Lewis Zimmerman's life. How could anyone object?

The Doctor was forced to experience life without his precious subroutines for a month. Seven and B'Elanna had to pare down his program for it to fit into the datastream. He wasn't pleased, but since the crew was sacrificing their mail to allow him to go, how could the EMH object?

So off he went, and everyone has gone back to updating and expanding their messages to their loved ones in the Alpha Quadrant while the Doctor is on his "house call." I hope he can help Dr. Zimmerman, the "Father of Modern Holography." Who knows what other inventions he may be able to create if given the chance to live a longer, healthier life? I wish him well.

 **Supplemental**

Father told me that Tom had been most willing to cover for the Doctor during the EMH's absence. When I saw Tom tonight at dinner, he didn't look that willing to me. "I'm a pilot! Not a doctor!" he said, more than once. I assured Tom that everyone has complete confidence in him. The Doctor wouldn't have asked the captain to go if he didn't believe his primary field medic - and occasional whipping boy - wasn't competent to fill the position in the interim.

Tom still isn't very happy that his primary assignment will be acting chief medical officer until the Doctor returns. Frankly, I'm not too happy about it myself. When confronted by an aggressive alien species, which happens all too often in the Delta Quadrant, I want Tom Paris at the helm. While Tom's trained his navigation staff well, no one else has his reflexes or creativity when it comes to evasive maneuvers. And if the Doctor's "house call" should last longer than 32 days, when the next data stream transmission is to take place: "It may be a case of 'physician, heal thyself,'" Tom mourned. "I'll be a basket case!" I hardly think that's likely, but I do feel for him. The only thing Tom loves as much as his B'Elanna is flying.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53822**

Thanks to a homework project, we've learned the truth about Aimee's heritage.

The Doctor was the children's primary instructor in Humanoid Biology, and Icheb has relieved some of the pressure on Tom's Sickbay obligations by teaching them a unit on genetics while the Doctor's away. The one positive aspect of his short, and otherwise traumatic stay on Brunal was that he's discovered he has an interest and a fair degree of talent in the subject, particularly when it comes to the manipulation of DNA for hybridization purposes. Icheb assigned a project to Naomi, Mezoti, Azan, and Rebi to collect DNA samples from members of various species of the crew. They were also asked to transcribe information from data nodes salvaged from the children's cube, just before they were transported to _Voyager._ The children split up the tasks, with Mezoti and Azan working on the data nodes while Naomi and Rebi analyzed DNA samples they'd obtained from the crew. I contributed one, naturally (my orchid chromosomes threw them until I told them the details of how I came to be). Naomi and B'Elanna were of particular interest to the children, because hybrids, according to Icheb, usually have "cleaned up" DNA. Genetic manipulation is often essential for two different species to procreate.

When they examined Aimee's sample, they realized that she's a blend of two Delta Quadrant species. Under other circumstances, this would be wonderful news, but now the captain has sent out a message, requesting information from anyone who recognizes the identity of either species, so we can contact their governments to request a search for Aimee's family or a foster home.

Marla Gilmore is taking the news very hard. I can't blame her. She loves that child so much. She's mothered her since her birth. Naomi was the first one to realize Aimee must be a hybrid. Once she realized the implications for Marla and Aimee, Naomi has been almost as devastated as Marla. She told me she hopes everyone on Aimee's home worlds was assimilated so that Marla can keep her baby. I chided her gently and asked if she really wished that all of them - babies and children, too - have become drones. Naomi broke down in tears and shook her head. "No, but I don't want Marla to lose Aimee, either. Oh, Tuvix, why didn't I stop myself from saying anything when I saw the signs? I should have kept my mouth shut!" What could I do? I gave her a big hug and told her she didn't make a mistake. Sometimes bad things happen, even when we have the best intentions.

I had to meditate a long time tonight to maintain my own equilibrium. It should be happy news. No one is rejoicing.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53825**

It didn't take long. A freighter captain recognized that one of the species which contributed DNA to Aimee is the Bardareans. We're heading towards their home system now. It's on the way to our rendezvous point for retrieving the Doctor. It's as if fate decreed we'd find this out before we were so far from this region of space it would be too late to turn back.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53831**

Our entire crew is rejoicing now! The little baby Marla Gilmore has been caring for can now be hers! We found out who her people were and spoke with her maternal grandmother. The story is very sad for her. The grandmother, Lehthea, is the manager of a space station on the outskirts of the Bardarean system. Her daughter ran away with a young man of the Shellisti - two races which are so xenophobic, the grandmother said it would be better for Aimee to remain with us than try to raise Aimee herself. She will have to return soon to her home planet, and she indicated her granddaughter would be considered an "abomination" because she wasn't "pure-blooded." Marla Gilmore is ecstatic, naturally. When Lehthea learned that Marla had given her granddaughter a name which means "Beloved," she said she knew that Crewman Gilmore would be a good mother for her only grandchild.

We had a party in the Mess Hall after Lehthea left. Naomi is very happy that her wish for Marla to keep her baby has come true, _without_ the necessity of the Borg assimilating the entire Bardarean and Shellisti populations. (Lehthea mentioned that one reason for the xenophobia and the limited contact with other species comes from fear of the Borg - which may be another reason she feared for her granddaughter's welfare if she did decide to raise her herself.)

When I say everyone is rejoicing, one member of our crew is a little more subdued about this turn of events than everyone else seems to be. Captain Janeway has made it crystal clear that she believes the children belong on their home planets, not _Voyager._ Rescuing Icheb was absolutely necessary. He insists he wants to remain here with Seven and return with us to the Alpha Quadrant. Naomi, of course, was born to Samantha Wildman. Sam's choice of name appears to be a very subtle reference to the Biblical account of Ruth and Naomi ("whither thou goest, I will go"). After five requests to the Norcadians to find Mezoti's family or a substitute home, I understand the captain has given up and left it as, "Call us if you find something." She's not contacting them again - particularly since they're just about out of subspace communications range. We still have no idea where Azan and Rebi belong. They're "Species X." Seven doesn't have any idea of its Borg designation. The data nodes salvaged from the children's cube were damaged. The only information about the twins they contained were their birth names.

Aimee Gilmore will be adopted by Marla. She's already consulted the information sent by Starfleet Command about long-distance legal proceedings and plans to submit an adoption petition in the Alpha Quadrant in the next datastream. It looks like _Voyager's_ next generation is here, ready to be trained to take over for us down the line.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53853**

The Doctor is back, safe and sound. He was able to successfully treat his creator - not that Dr. Zimmerman made it easy on anyone. I understand the term "curmudgeon" is an accurate adjective to use for our EMH's "father," Dr. Lewis Zimmerman. The man was "impossible," although in the end, thanks to a conspiracy concocted by Lieutenant Barclay; Commander Deanna Troi, the counselor of the _USS Enterprise_ , who's a former crew mate of Reg's; Haley, who is, in essence, our Doctor's older sister; and possibly, Leonard the holographic iguana, our Doctor declared that Dr. Zimmerman will make a complete recovery.

At first, Dr. Zimmerman thought that since the EMH Mark-1 was the "inferior program," (something the Mark-2 said to our Doctor when he visited the _Prometheus_ ), and all the other versions of the EMH had failed to provide an effective treatment for his disorder, there was no use allowing himself to be humiliated by letting ours examine him. Our EMH was given the very unpleasant news that his counterparts were working on waste transfer barges and facilities mining radiogenic materials, since their personal interaction skills were so poor. From the way the Doctor describes his creator, that probably has a lot to do with Dr. Zimmerman's own eccentric personality, which he used when he created the first version of the EMH. (That's why our Doctor looks the way he does. When he fashioned the original EMH, Dr. Zimmerman used his own face, physique, and bald head, as well as the - shall I say, less than warm personality as a model.)

I do recall, thanks to Father's and Dad's memories, that our EMH was quite the curmudgeon when he was first activated. Out of necessity, his program has been running almost constantly for over six years. All the organic medical personnel assigned to _Voyager_ were killed when many of the fixtures in Sickbay overloaded, at the time _Voyager_ was dragged into the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker. If not for Kes' encouragement to expand his programming, occasional advice from Tom Paris (although the Doctor would probably contest that Tom was a positive influence), and his efforts to "humanize" Seven, he might still be that way. Although he was unable to bring most of his program enhancements along with him to the Alpha Quadrant, as Seven and B'Elanna had to excise most of them so that the medical expertise he's gained as we've journeyed home could make the trip with him, one thing that did make the transition was his improved bedside manner. He's a true physician now who practices medicine. He's no longer a stop-gap measure until a "real" physician can be obtained, which was Dr. Zimmerman's original design. Our EMH had to develop those skills. We didn't have anyone else to whom we could turn.

The "conspiracy" involved the other parties letting slip that our EMH's program had destabilized during the trip from the Delta Quadrant to Jupiter Station. Dr. Zimmerman thought he was saving the EMH. Our Doctor was finally able to examine Dr. Zimmerman while Dr. Zimmerman was examining _him_. I must admit, I wish I could have been there to see that happening. The absurdity of it all tickles me.

The important thing is, our Doctor was able to provide his creator with a treatment based upon Borg technology, which resulted in rapid improvement in the patient. By the time our EMH returned to the Starfleet Command Communications Center for his return trip to _Voyager_ , Dr. Zimmerman was considered out of danger and well on his way to being totally cured. Our EMH told us he wouldn't have come back if he was still needed on Jupiter Station.

Our Doctor spent a couple of days at the center, "dazzling" the staff there with his expertise (self-reported, I should add). He met Admiral Paris and "his lovely wife," who passed on her own "love you and miss you" message to her son Tom through the Doctor. Tom was very touched by that. He was also gratified to hear the Doctor allow that Tom "had served adequately" as the replacement for the Doctor during his absence, even though the EMH simply couldn't resist mocking Tom even when he was praising him. Tom did a fine job, although it must be said we were fortunate to have had a relatively uneventful month. Tom was able to spend time at the helm and provide all the medical care our crew needed as well. The Doctor was especially pleased to receive the medical information Aimee's grandmother Lehthea gave us concerning the medical needs of Bardareans, as well as what is available about the more reclusive Shellisti. Since he'd tried to convince Captain Janeway, in the middle of the crisis created by First's unreasonable demands, to spare the children on the Borg cube by handing her little Aimee, the Doctor was extremely happy the little girl was still here when he returned to _Voyager._

And we're VERY glad our Doctor's come back to us, too.

=/\=


	74. Far from Home

=/\=

 **Stardate 53920**

B'Elanna and Harry were in the _Delta Flyer,_ searching for dilithium. They've gone missing, and Tom is quite agitated because he didn't insist on going with them. I've now had a demonstration in what the expression, "he's beside himself," truly means. Tom can't sit still. He wants to undertake a search of his own, but with only Class-2 shuttles available, which are so much more fragile than the _Flyer_ , the captain won't allow him to go. It's just too dangerous. The conditions in this region of space are reminiscent of the ones we encountered when we almost lost Tom and the _Cochrane_ in a spatial eddy three years ago.

An ion storm formed shortly after B'Elanna and Harry left. Enough turbulence has been churning throughout the region that the _Flyer's_ ion trail has been masked - or obliterated. Father has been evaluating all of the sensor logs 24 hours a day, eschewing sleep, for the past few days. He told Dad he's capable of doing so for two weeks. I know _I_ couldn't go without sleep that long.

The captain has sent messages to every ship in the area, asking them to report anything they find that might tell us what happened to our lost shuttle. The only thing we can do is continue our own search and hope someone will pick up an indication of their whereabouts very soon.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53929**

We finally received a bit of good news, although when the message as a whole was reviewed, there was still a lot of uncertainty concerning their safety. Are Harry and B'Elanna okay, or aren't they? A transport vessel picked up B'Elanna's distress call and relayed it to _Voyager_. B'Elanna reported that she'd sent Harry off in an escape pod while she tried to land the shuttle on an L-class planet. Our cruising speed has been lowered to impulse, but at least we now know we need to search for a specific type of planet within the range the _Flyer_ could reach when it was blown off course by a spatial eddy.

Unfortunately, unless he was able to find refuge on a planet, satellite, or alien ship that can provide him with an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere, the prognosis for Harry is quite grim. Life support in the escape pod would have been exhausted days ago.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53932**

B'Elanna and Harry are back! We finally received a message from her. When Harry's pod encountered severe turbulence, he decided to turn around and follow her ion trail. He landed the pod on the same planet, 200 kilometers away from B'Elanna's position. He had no power left for his pod's transmitter, but he carried it with him when he walked to the _Flyer_. The shuttle's communication system was "toast," but thanks to the playwright Kelis, who obtained a "Winter's Tear" (the name for dilithium on his planet), B'Elanna had a power source. She was able to construct a workable com unit and directed us to the _Flyer's_ current location.

The Prime Directive states . . . well, all I'll say here is that we would have been in a lot of trouble if we'd left concrete evidence of our visit on that planet. B'Elanna's interaction with Kelis was already problematic. The population of this world is at the Bronze Age level of development. Fortunately, _Voyager_ successfully retrieved the _Flyer_ , the escape pod, and our officers.

When B'Elanna crashed, Kelis found her and provided her with what she needed to survive. While she was still unconscious, Kelis listened to her last entries in the _Flyer's_ log. They inspired him to write a play about "Shining Voyager, Far from Home" and the "Eternals" that dwelled within her. The local warlord liked it so much, he demanded a second play about Shining Voyager and its Eternals. Since B'Elanna couldn't risk having Bronze Age warriors trooping through the woods and finding the advanced technology of the _Delta Flyer,_ which could have happened Kelis' warlord opened hostilities against the neighbor who "insulted" him, she had no choice but to help Kelis write a second play.

By the time the play was ready for presentation to the warlord and his guests, B'Elanna and Harry had contacted us, and _Voyager_ was on course to rescue them. When we arrived, however, B'Elanna directed us to transport Harry and all of our technology up to _Voyager_ , but she had something she had to do before she could return to the ship. She said she'd signal us when she was ready to go. Kelis needed an ending for his play, which he hoped would stop a war. The play's message a plea to find a way other than warfare to settle differences between city states, since war is hardest upon the people who fight the battles and die. Since she approved of what Kelis was trying to convey with his work, B'Elanna went to the theater, appeared on stage, delivered the final lines . . . and disappeared, right in front of Kelis' warlord's eyes.

While B'Elanna related what happened on the planet, and especially about Kelis, his play, and the warlord, I vividly recalled Father's memories of discussions he'd had with colleagues at Starfleet Academy, during his teaching days. They sometimes spoke about the classic literature of their societies. The ancient Greeks based plays upon gods and goddesses interfering with the affairs of men and women who had fought in a conflict known as the Trojan War. Some of these plays seem to bear a strong resemblance to Kelis' work. For centuries, scholars assumed these mythic stories were totally fictional. Approximately 500 years ago, however, an archaeologist unearthed the ruins of an ancient city that seemed to fit the description of Troy, the site of that war. It is now generally accepted that stories handed down from one bard to another may have been based upon actual events and personages. As the stories were retold over the centuries, history was transformed into epic myth. Father confirmed that early classical Vulcan literature is thought to have originated from similar roots.

So, will the story of "Shining Voyager, Far from Home" be taught in the future universities of this planet, from myths which began when an alien shuttle crashed on their world? We will never know, of course, but I'd like to think that the name of Kelis will resonate through the ages, in the way Aeschylus, Euripides, Aristophanes and Homer are remembered even today on the planet Earth. From what B'Elanna told us about Kelis and why he wanted to present this play, it sounds like he deserves to be revered as a founding father of his planet's literary heritage.

And once our crew was whole again, Father was finally able to get some sleep.

=/\=

 **Stardate 53967**

We finally discovered the right sort of nebula for our passenger on Deck 12. I was beginning to wonder if we ever would find it one.

The only problem is, we have to shut down the main power system on our ship. None of that circuitry can be "live" when we release our ghost to fly off to its new home. The gelpacks must be quiescent, which means all the circuitry must be, too. Active power sources may disrupt the being's substance as it slips out of the ship. It was bad enough when we destroyed its home. We don't want to damage our "ghost" now, too.

Battery powered units scattered around won't cause a problem. We can use them for light and to run fans to circulate air while main power is down. B'Elanna says we can enrich the oxygen content in the air by 3% beforehand to compensate for the time the main system is paused. Now, the only thing we need to worry about is avoiding panic among our passengers. I'm not speaking of our gaseous anomaly now. It's our Borg children who concern me.

Samantha will take care of Naomi, and Marla will be there for Aimee. Since the baby is so young, I doubt the darkness would bother her. It's the other four that need to be distracted in some way while all this is going on.

Dad said he would take care of it. He has a plan, he told me, but he doesn't want to tell me what it is. "Trust me," he said. I do trust him, but I'm not sure Father does. He's assigned me to take a station in the corridor outside "Borg Central." If the children become agitated, or if Dad needs to take them anywhere else, I will be there to offer assistance as needed.

 **Supplemental**

It's over. Our gassy friend is home. And Dad . . . what a masterful performance! He related exactly what happened when our "haunt" came on board several months ago, before the children arrived on _Voyager_ , but then he told them it was "just a story." They weren't frightened at all. From the way Icheb and Mezoti kept interrupting Dad and peppering him with all sorts of saucy comments and questions while he was trying to tell his "ghost story," I think they actually had a great time.

Our gaseous friend has left quite a mess on Deck 12: corroded walls, deck panels, and such. We'll work on cleaning up those sections tomorrow morning. We don't need to use the space for anything immediately. It hasn't been available for months anyway.

I thought it was wonderful to see our friend cavorting in his new nebula. It may be many light years away from the last one, but everyone I speak with says our haunt looks happy, now that it has a permanent home. Long may our "ghost" dwell here in peace.

=/\=


	75. Memories Were Made of This

=/\=

 **Stardate 54005**

Dad and I have been sharing child supervision duties for the past day and a half. Seven has been spending an unusual amount of time regenerating, even during the evening hours she usually spends with the children, eating dinner, discussing the events of their day, and serving as their mentor and a role model for adjusting to life as an individual. Seven usually "tucks them in," as Dad likes to put it, between 2100 and 2200 hours. While she goes to Astrometrics to complete a few tasks left over from Alpha Shift at times, she usually works at the console in the cargo bay while the children rest. If Seven needs to regenerate while the children are occupying all four main units, she normally uses a portable one created from those which were dismantled after the other eight drones of her unimatrix . . . left. Seven has been regenerating in a unit on the main platform for the past couple of days. This afternoon we learned why that's been happening.

While she was regenerating yesterday morning, Seven experienced something she couldn't explain. She found herself in a forest glade and noticed three aliens walking on a path nearby. One of them disappeared while Seven was watching them. Right after that, a man called Seven by her birth name of "Annika." She broke off her regeneration cycle and ran to Sickbay to see the Doctor. He diagnosed Seven's vision as a dream, gave her a cortical monitor to record her brain waves, and sent her back to her alcove. When she started regenerating again, however, she found herself on the same forest path where the aliens had just been walking. This time it was night, with evening mists drifting through the trees. A Klingon warrior placed his hand on her shoulder, and Seven ran away. The same man who'd called out her human name the first time called to her again. Although she felt her heart pounding, Seven told herself it was only a dream. Except it wasn't. The man told Seven he'd summoned her to this place.

He identified himself as Axum, which was his name before his assimilation and what he's called whenever he visits Unimatrix Zero. It's a virtual reality construct, a refuge, where a very small percentage of drones can experience a measure of individuality during their regeneration periods. Seven admitted the place felt somewhat familiar, as was Axum's voice when he shouted out her name. Axum told Annika, as he's always called her, that the Borg have learned of their refuge. Almost two hundred of the drone avatars have disappeared over the past couple of months. The Borg Queen wants to destroy Unimatrix Zero. Since the drones never remember their sanctuary once they "wake up," however, the Queen has had difficulty managing it. It's only a matter of time before she finds a way, however. Axum and his friends have devised a formula for a nanovirus which would hide the mutation that permits them to visit each other here, but they have a problem. They have no way to deliver it in the real world.

That's why Axum found Annika and contacted her. When she was still linked with the Collective, Seven was one of the rare individuals who carried the Unimatrix Zero mutation. For eighteen years, while she was in her maturation chamber and after she became a functioning drone, Annika visited the others here and "was herself" while she regenerated. She never remembered her visits once her link with the Borg was broken until Axum's summons. A few of the drones who visit Unimatrix Zero were assimilated after Wolf 359. Seven recognized Laura, who had been her friend. They asked for Starfleet assistance, from the only source they could reach at this time. It may have been a very unusual one, but those who visit Unimatrix Zero had sent out a distress call to _Voyager_ through their friend Annika Hansen. Would _Voyager's_ crew help them protect their sanctuary from the Borg Queen's enmity?

=/\=

 **Stardate 54007**

Dad was present when Father volunteered to accompany the captain on the away mission to deliver the modified nanovirus to the Borg. The only target close enough for an attack is a Class 4 Tactical Cube, one of the most powerful vessels in the Borg arsenal. When I expressed my concerns about this proposal, Dad told me he shared them, but "we can't let the captain go on this mission alone. Chakotay believes there's a greater chance of success with a team of three." I told Dad it's not the concept of the mission itself which bothers me, it's that Father is one of the people who are planning to go on this mission with the captain.

The Doctor has concocted a substance, with Icheb's help, which they believe will block our away team's mental connection to the Hive mind. However, when nanoprobes are introduced into Father's bloodstream, a number of implants will be formed within his body. Even if the transmissions from the Borg Queen and the rest of the Collective are blocked through the use of this "anti-assimilation serum," at least some of the hardware will form inside his cranium. After what happened to Father when the Ba'Neth attacked him, I'm very afraid he could end up like that again. The neural weapon damaged his brain so severely, we almost lost him. Even if he doesn't suffer any immediate problems, how many injuries can one brain sustain before the cumulative effects overwhelm the ability of a skilled medical practitioner to heal it? I asked the Doctor that question. He admitted he doesn't know, but he told me to trust him.

I requested an audience with the captain, who listened to me quite avidly until she perceived I wasn't arguing in support of her original proposal, to go to the cube alone. I told her I agreed with the basic nature of the mission, but I was very worried that the expedition may not go as planned. Considering Father's history of neural injury, how might he be affected? I offered to replace him on the mission, since I have not suffered similar injuries, yet my brain possesses almost all of Father's tactical knowledge. The captain thanked me for my willingness to serve, but she thought the team as constituted could do the job.

After she politely but firmly ushered me through her ready room door, I went to Commander Chakotay's office and made the same offer to replace Father to him, citing the same concerns. He commiserated with me but said, "You know the futility of arguing with the captain when her mind is set on a course of action. I've already used all the pull I have convincing her not to go on this mission by herself. If we all do our part, the plan has a reasonably good chance of success. I need your support on this, Tuvix. You've shown yourself to be every bit as competent an officer as your Father is. I'm counting on you. Are you with me?"

What else could I say? The decision had been made. All I can do now is meditate like Father - and pray like Dad to his relatives in the Great Forest to keep Father, the captain, and B'Elanna safe while they go on this insane mission.

I do trust the Doctor's medical expertise, but as much as I enjoy eating Father's desserts, I'd prefer to have him continue to function as Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, and not as Tuvok, the full-time pastry chef of _Voyager_. If he can still function at all.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54009**

I've received my assignment. I will be on the bridge at main tactical during the assault on the cube. Lieutenant Ayala will be backing me up at the secondary station. Samantha Wildman and Marla Gilmore will be in charge of all of the children during the attack. Icheb knows everything about the mission, since he assisted the Doctor with the serum preparations. In addition to the one designed to protect our away team from linking with the Hive mind, they've produced the nanovirus which Axum and the other Unimatrix Zero drones asked us to introduce to the Borg, but with one key change.

When the captain "visited" Unimatrix Zero with Seven, facilitated by Father's "Bridging of Minds" mind meld technique, she convinced Axum that even if the nanovirus as designed hid the mutation to make it more difficult for the Queen to find the drones who carried it, it would only be a matter of time before she found another way to uncover their identity, now that she knows Unimatrix Zero exists. She's already identified the frequency the avatars use to travel there and ordered drones loyal to her to attack Unimatrix Zero, while Seven and the captain's visit with Axum was taking place. The captain suggested a better plan: to "tweak" the virus so that the Unimatrix Zero drones' link with the Hive mind would be broken. They'd remember who they were when they woke up. After the Queen's attack on their refuge, Axum, Laura, and Korok, a Klingon who had also been assimilated at Wolf 359, agreed the captain's suggestion made sense.

The Borglet boys appear to be quite stoical about what's going on. Aimee is too young to have any idea of the danger of our current course. Naomi and Mezoti, however, are extremely agitated by the events which are about to unfold. They're both aware of the dangers presented by this action. I've done what I can to reassure them that we'll do everything we can to protect them; but they know we'll be unable to defend ourselves if that powerful Borg cube attacks _Voyager_. There's nothing more I can do than fulfill my role to the best of my ability and hope for the best.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54014**

Events moved quickly once our assault began. Our away team transported onto the Borg cube just before Tom's wonderful _Delta Flyer_ exploded into millions of fragments. The team looked for the cube's Central Plexus, the device which connects Borg vessels with every other and is used by the Borg Queen to disseminate her orders to every drone throughout the Collective. As anticipated, the Borg captured them and introduced nanoprobes into their bodies. The team turned into drones, giving them the power to walk through protective force fields and access other Borg functions, but with one crucial difference: they'd been protected by the anti-assimilation serum. There was no link with the Hive. To look at, they were drones. In their minds, they were still Kathryn Janeway, B'Elanna Torres, and Tuvok.

The process took much longer than the two hours allotted for the action, however. A problem arose very quickly, which impeded their plan to infiltrate the Central Plexus and introduce the nanovirus allowing the drones of Unimatrix Zero to realize who they really are. The team delivered the nanovirus to the Central Plexus as planned, but couldn't escape to a part of the cube from which we could transport them back to _Voyager_. The serum to prevent connection with the Hive mind didn't work as well with Father as it did with the others. It wore off so quickly, Father became Three of Twelve. The Queen ordered him to capture the captain. Although B'Elanna was knocked out and left behind on the decking near the Central Plexus (a crucial mistake), Father brought the captain to an alcove. She was then linked into a virtual reality situation, very much like Unimatrix Zero in a way, so she could "visit" the Borg Queen, who was in another location.

The Queen showed our captain a mutated virus which would destroy the drones who visited Unimatrix Zero. She said she wanted to negotiate "a compromise." If the captain would gave up the fight to protect Unimatrix Zero, and ordered the drones there to submit to reassimilation, the Queen would spare _Voyager_. She said she might decide to help us travel to the Alpha Quadrant more quickly. To set up the compromise, the Queen sent a holographic representation of the captain to _Voyager's_ Sickbay. The captain, as ordered, told Commander Chakotay, "Unimatrix Zero can no longer exist." Seven and the Doctor, who were with him when she gave this order, assumed it meant we would allow the drones who went there to be killed if they did not return to the Collective. Commander Chakotay, however, realized the captain's order had been very carefully worded to convey a different command. He sent Seven back to the virtual reality sanctuary to tell everyone there they must leave or be killed when _we_ destroyed Unimatrix Zero. The nanovirus had already done its work. When they were awake, Axum and the others knew who they were and could now fight for their own freedom. Unimatrix Zero could be sacrificed.

We were able to retrieve our away team with help from an unlikely source. General Korok and his "Borg Resistance Movement" sphere arrived and assisted is in an attack on the Class-4 cube. We concentrated fire from both ships on a weak spot we'd detected upon the cube's surface, to allow our transporter beam to penetrate its shielding and let us spirit our away team back to _Voyager_. When B'Elanna returned to consciousness, she'd created that weak spot in the shields. She went to where the captain was being held and freed her. They dragged Father to the place where our transporters could get to them. Moments after the team materialized on our ship, and without any additional weapons fire from General Korok's vessel or _Voyager_ , the cube blew up. Captain Janeway conjectured that the Queen had ordered the cube to self-destruct. She'd done this to several other Borg vessels, when the Queen said she could no longer "hear" one drone in them, during her attempt force the captain to cooperate with her. The Queen was willing to waste the lives of thousands of drones and tried to pin the blame on the captain. "Your fault," she'd said. When we spoke with General Korok, he agreed that our combined fire power would have been insufficient to destroy such a huge cube. The Queen must have ordered its destruction.

After the cube blew up, General Korok came aboard _Voyager_ to visit briefly before taking his sphere away to join forces with another Borg vessel taken over by the Resistance. He's the first full-blooded Klingon I've ever met as Tuvix. I liked him quite a bit. He insisted on meeting all of our former Borg children, as well as the away team, to convey his appreciation for _Voyager's_ assistance in freeing him from the Queen's control. I think the children benefited from meeting him, especially Mezoti. She was visibly relieved to hear the cube was no longer a threat. Meeting someone other than Seven who had been fully Borg may have been even more beneficial for Icheb. He clearly looked up to Korok. When Icheb and I brought him to Sickbay to meet the away team, I couldn't bring myself to ask Korok what rank he held prior to his assimilation. It is wise to refrain from needlessly provoking a Klingon. That knowledge doesn't only come from my Father's memories; I know our feisty half-Klingon, Lieutenant Torres, very well.

The original _Delta Flyer_ is part of the debris cloud created when the Class-4 Tactical Cube exploded. Tom has taken the loss of what B'Elanna calls her "competition" rather well. He says we have the schematics to build another. The _Delta Flyer II_ will be a "new and improved version," as he told me when we were visiting our loved ones in Sickbay. "We did a great job when we built it, but with the way it's gotten crunched during the past couple of years, it's probably time to build a new one anyway."

So, it's over. Unimatrix Zero itself couldn't be saved, but many of the drones who went there are now free to be individuals again. The captain is happy her "Borg Resistance Movement" can now become a thorn in the Borg Queen's side. (I wonder, do we have the Hirogen to thank for that concept? When the captain was Katrine in the Sainte-Claire scenario, she was the head of a unit of the French Resistance against Caahr, Turanj, the other Hirogen, and the holographic characters who portrayed Nazi officers. I hope Axum and his fellow resistance fighters will be as successful against the Borg Queen as we were when we fought against the "Nazis.")

=/\=

 **Stardate 54014**

B'Elanna and Captain Janeway will be released from Sickbay in a couple of days. The Doctor has operated and extracted every implant he believes he can without damaging their original body systems. The cortical arrays and other neural implants are no longer present within their craniums. Other implants will remain inside them for the rest of their lives. The Doctor has declared they'll all recover fully, although he admits Father will need more time in Sickbay. He decided to induce a medical coma to allow more time to heal.

When Father woke up briefly, before the Doctor induced the coma, he recognized Dad and me. This time, he doesn't seem to have been as affected as seriously as he was after the Ba'Neth attack. I can't say my mind is truly at ease, however. The very fact that the Doctor decided to induce the medical coma to give his brain more time to recover is of grave concern to me. Father's brain has suffered another insult. I'll stay with him in Sickbay as much as I can, but it won't be as much as I'd like. Until Father returns to duty, Lieutenant Ayala and I must share the shifts Father usually serves at main tactical, in addition to our own.

Tom will be acting first officer for a while, too. Even after the captain is released from Sickbay, the Doctor is ordering her to rest in her cabin for at least another 48 hours, and she's not to return to full duty for another week after that. If she doesn't comply, the Doctor's threatened to put her in a medically induced coma, too, to make sure she gives her body enough time to heal properly from surgery. He made the same threat to B'Elanna, but she's willing to cede command of Engineering to Lieutenant Carey for the duration. As Tom muttered to me afterwards, B'Elanna's agreeing to the Doctor's pronouncement lets him know she really _isn't_ feeling up to par yet.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54017**

The captain and B'Elanna are in their quarters, resting. The Doctor brought Father out of his coma today and told Dad and me he now expects him to make a complete recovery (which he also told us days ago, so I wasn't particularly gratified when the EMH felt compelled to tell us that again). We brought Father a tureen of Plomeek Soup to enjoy. Dad was concerned it was too bland, since I insisted on preparing it. I know how Father prefers his soup to be seasoned, however; and he confirmed it was "perfect" after the first taste and ate it all.

When he was finished with the soup, Dad asked him, somewhat facetiously (I hope), if he'd like to spend a little time preparing desserts once he's released from Sickbay. Dad pointedly ignored the Doctor glowering at him when he made the offer. Father's expression lightened slightly, however, as he told Dad he does not believe he will be "up to it" for a while. However, he said he'd be pleased to share some recipe ideas for the two of us to implement. I took that as a great sign that Father was, at last, on the road to recovery.

 **Supplemental**

I spoke with Seven in the Mess Hall tonight. I was helping Chell with dinner clean-up, since Dad had taken Naomi and Mezoti to Fair Haven for the evening. She asked me how Father was, and I told her he was on the mend. I asked her how she was doing, since she seemed distant, perhaps a little sad, in a way I hadn't seen since our last encounter with the Borg Queen.

At first she said she was fine. When I looked at her with my most penetrating Commander Tuvok stare, however, Seven admitted her visits to Unimatrix Zero brought back memories that were, at the very least, bittersweet. We sat down at the corner table we'd occupied over a year ago, after she was rescued from the Unicomplex. Over a cup of Tarkalean tea for me and a nutritional supplement shake for her, she explained that Axum, the one who summoned her to Unimatrix Zero to initiate this entire adventure, was someone she'd known when she'd visited the refuge while she was still linked to the Collective. I told her I'd heard that.

"Did you hear we were romantically involved when I visited there in the past?"

That, I had to admit, I had not heard before. I asked her if he'd been on one of the cubes the Borg Queen ordered to self-destruct. She replied he'd still been alive the last time she went to Unimatrix Zero, just before it was destroyed, but she had no way to know now if he'd been killed subsequently or not. "His scout ship was stationed outside a rift between Fluidic Space and our own - in the Beta Quadrant. He's on the other side of the galaxy. We'll never get the chance to meet in person. Now that Unimatrix Zero has been destroyed, we'll never be able to see each other there again, either."

I understood her melancholy mood then. I was at a loss for words for a moment, but then my "inner Dad" kicked in. "Seven, don't lose hope. You may find each other again. Who knows what can happen in this crazy universe we live in? Miracles can happen. I'm sitting here chatting with you now, and I assure you, four years ago, if the captain hadn't given me a stay of execution for one more night, I wouldn't have been. Even if you never do meet Axum again, your memories of your time together have been renewed. Isn't that correct?" When she nodded, with a slight smile on her face, I continued, "Then you've regained something from this experience that you must have thought you'd lost forever."

She agreed with me, but, with a very slight, sad smile, she added, "When I'd lost my memories of Unimatrix Zero - and Axum - I didn't realize what I was missing. Now, I do, and it's painful. I know I'll get over him, Tuvix. But in some ways, I hope I never do."

=/\=

 **Stardate 54046**

The repairs on _Voyager_ are done. Father has been pronounced fully healed by the Doctor, and has returned to duty. He's also been holding ship-wide Security division drills for the past week. Since he puts out alerts at odd times of the day and night, our entire crew has been complaining about "ersatz combat fatigue." Me included. We were due for a short break, and today, we received one, or actually two, courtesy of our juvenile contingent.

Our children, particularly Mezoti, were very shaken by our recent brush with the Borg. The four older Borg children have memories of their partial assimilations. They didn't need this reminder of what could happen to them. Samantha protected Naomi as best she could, but some of Naomi's old concerns about the Borg returned and gave her nightmares, too. The only child who wasn't thrown by the events that took place during the Unimatrix Zero action was Aimee. She's so young, she had no idea what was happening. She doesn't have any Borg memories anyway. She'd spent a few weeks of prenatal life in a maturation chamber before it malfunctioned. Under normal circumstances, Aimee would have remained in her maturation chamber for at least seven more years. I'm happy she was spared that sort of childhood.

Tom came up with what I believe was a brilliant activity to divert their attention from dwelling on the Collective. Since he hasn't had time to put together the Junior Captain Proton program he's promised the children, he suggested they put on a play they would write themselves, from an experience we all lived through. The chosen incident was the story of "The Haunting of Deck 12." With Dad's help, along with Tom and B'Elanna's, the children prepared a script and assigned roles to all the children - even little Aimee. Marla carried her daughter around and spoke the lines for our miniature Lieutenant Torres. Our Assistant Bridge Assistant Naomi was, naturally, Captain Janeway. Mezoti was the image of Seven. Dad played himself from the side of the stage and served as narrator. Azan played Father, and Rebi was Harry. Icheb used masks to play Commander Chakotay, the Doctor, and Tom, a trick B'Elanna learned from the playwright who'd saved her on the planet we've decided to call Kelis. By switching from one mask to another, a single actor can play multiple roles without confusing an audience.

The play was presented twice today, to give everyone a chance to see it. I think a few saw it twice. Little Aimee was so good, gurgling happily away as her mother carried her around in her arms. Vorik and Bill Chapman provided sound effects and portrayed our "ghost" by shining lights on the stage. Captain Janeway proclaimed the play a great success, and I heartily agree.

The children have brought so much to our " _Voyager_ Family" life. The Delta Quadrant can be a scary place, but I truly believe they will all grow up to be happy, productive members of our crew. Icheb is already halfway there. He asked me if he could take some classes in preparation for enrolling in Starfleet Academy. Considering how long it will be before we get to Earth, I wasn't sure whether I should encourage him or not, but then I remembered something from my Father Tuvok heritage, from his teaching days at Starfleet Academy. There's a program designed for applicants who can't physically attend the Academy on Earth or any of the subsidiary campuses on other Federation planets.

I discussed the Distant Learners Program with Icheb. Since we now have communication with the Alpha Quadrant through Pathfinder, and Father is qualified to provide training in many areas, enrolling in that program is feasible. Icheb told me he'll explore the program's requirements by consulting our database. Icheb is ready to prepare for his future career. He's a very bright and dedicated young man who has been an asset in Astrometrics for some time. Once he's received some training, he'll become a fine young officer. I look forward to serving with him.

=/\=


	76. At Last

=/\=

 **Stardate 54058**

Tom and Harry were taking the new _Delta Flyer II_ through its final test flight when a woman in what Tom later described to me as a "souped up little craft" challenged them to a "drag race" (I had no idea what he was talking about until I looked up the reference in our database, under "archaic terminology"). She had an accident during their race, however, and Tom and Harry brought her to _Voyager_ for treatment.

After the Doctor treated Irina her for her injuries, she told Tom and Harry about the Antarean Transtellar Rally, a shuttle race that's being held to celebrate a recent peace accord. Tom asked the captain for permission to enter the new _Delta Flyer_ in the race. She was all for it as a way of making First Contact with several species in a more casual manner than through the usual diplomatic channels - or battles. We've made First Contact often enough in negative ways. Engaging in a sporting event would be a far more pleasant way to introduce Starfleet and the Federation to this region of the Delta Quadrant. So Tom and Harry are officially entered into the race - and under orders from our captain to win!

 **Supplemental**

There _was_ one wrinkle that threatened to derail our participation in the race. Tom had forgotten he'd already made plans for a weekend on the holodeck with B'Elanna, who'd called in many favors to clear enough time on the holodeck for a romantic getaway in the Gedi Prime program, which Lieutenant Barclay sent us in the most recent datastream. After the Doctor reminded Tom of his prior obligation, he went to B'Elanna and said they could go. He'd let Harry pilot the _Flyer_ in the rally. B'Elanna said there would be "other weekends" and told him to go win the race.

Although B'Elanna had given Tom permission to "do his own thing," she was very disheartened by the whole situation. Dad spoke with her in the Mess Hall and provided her with a little perspective. When B'Elanna said she thought their romance wasn't meant to be, Dad prodded her a little. She admitted Tom was a great guy, and they'd spent many happy times together. Maybe they weren't _"mok'tah"_ as a couple after all. (Dad told me she said it means "bad match," a phrase her Klingon grandmother used, apparently about B'Elanna's parents.) I don't know if what Dad said made the difference, but B'Elanna came up with a way to salvage the weekend. She talked Harry into letting _her_ become Tom's co-pilot on the _Delta Flyer_ during the two-day race.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54061**

The _Delta Flyer_ won the first leg of the race! The captain was ecstatic. It wasn't all good news, though, since there was an accident. Irina's co-pilot Joxom was injured quite badly when his console blew up in his face. He'll be okay, and now that her co-pilot is out of the race, Irina asked Harry to replace him for the final leg of the rally. Harry's been quite dazzled by Irina (she is quite pretty), and now he'll get to spend the rest of the weekend with her.

While Harry's relationship with Irina is likely to be even more short-lived than mine was with Alyara, I'm sure he'll enjoy his weekend with her. Perhaps she'll decide to stay aboard _Voyager_ for a few days after the race so they can spend a little more time together. That would be great for Harry's morale. It would be nice if - for once - Harry _wasn't_ unlucky in love.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54063**

Poor Harry. Unlucky in love again.

Happy B'Elanna and Tom. Congratulations! It's about time!

If the first day of the Antarean Transtellar Rally was a triumph, the second almost became a tragedy. Irina was a terrorist! She wanted to kill everyone at the finish line, including me and everyone else on _Voyager_ , to destroy the peace accord.

Irina's copilot had been injured the first day through an act of sabotage which, we later found out, was caused by Irina herself. During the course of the second day's race, Harry realized the fuel converter Irina lent Tom to qualify the _Delta Flyer_ for the race had been rigged to blow up once it crossed the finish line. Harry used an ancient cipher system - Morse Code - they used in the Captain Proton program to warn Tom. The _Flyer's_ warp core was contaminated by then, however. Tom and B'Elanna had to dump it inside a J-class nebula to contain the inevitable explosion. (I hope no relatives of our "haunt" lived in this one.)

Irina was arrested. Harry has fallen for the wrong woman once again.

After the _Delta Flyer II_ was dragged back to _Voyager_ , Tom and B'Elanna announced their engagement! Why do those two only make major advances in their relationship when they're in the midst of a life-threatening crisis? I have no answer to this question, but it seems to be so. Once they got back, Tom and B'Elanna asked the captain to marry them - immediately. This very day.

The captain agreed to perform the ceremony. Dad rushed around to interject some wedding traditions into the post-race celebrations he'd already prepared. A few quick revisions to the Mess Hall's decorations, a replicated wedding cake, and a "wedding chapel" scenario revision to one of Tom's existing programs and, voila! We were ready for a wedding. Even before the actual ceremony, many of the racers and diplomats had gotten a little tipsy from toasting the outcome of the race with Antarean Ale and replicated champagne. (Commander Chakotay told me the ale is excellent because it's the "real thing." He's negotiating with O'Zaal to obtain a "private stock" of it for himself.) We may have lost the race to a pilot named Assan, but we've won quite a few friends by the way we've handled ourselves during the race and its aftermath.

The ceremony itself was very simple. The bride and groom wore their dress uniforms. The replicator supplied party dresses for Naomi and Mezoti, who served as flower girl/bridesmaids. The twins were tabbed as ring-bearers. They received new clothing, too, although they didn't seem to care much about getting new outfits. The girls were delighted with theirs.

After the captain pronounced Tom and B'Elanna "husband and wife," the partying began in earnest. Food and liquid refreshment flowed freely. About an hour into the proceedings, I noticed Harry, Seven, Sue Nicoletti, and the Doctor arguing about something in the corner of the room, where Harry and Sue had been playing musical selections on the oboe and clarinet. After a bit, Sue shrugged her shoulders and walked away. The Doctor wasn't too happy with whatever they'd decided, either. He gave Seven very specific instructions about something. She nodded her head and said, "Yes, I know. I will," several times. Her voice became quite strident with annoyance, so it wasn't that hard for me to hear what she was saying to the EMH. The Doctor finally stalked off, and Harry approached the captain.

By this time the happy couple were making "it's time for us to get out of here" noises, They decided to spend a honeymoon weekend alone in the _Delta Flyer_ (no warp drive, but since we're staying here the rest of the weekend to hold a series of meet-and-greets with representatives from several nearby worlds, they won't need one). The captain clapped her hands to get everyone's attention and announced, "The race is over, a marriage has begun, and all the wedding cake has disappeared - except for a few crumbs that are getting cleaned up by a couple of very industrious mice . . . " (She stared at Azan and Rebi, who had the grace to look embarrassed. They'd been scooping up every crumb left on the cake platter for several minutes. Everyone else laughed, even the bridal couple. ) "Now, before the bride tosses her bouquet, Ensign Kim and Seven of Nine would like to present a song so they can take a turn around the floor for their first 'official' dance as husband and wife. Tom and B'Elanna . . . Harry, Seven . . . "

Harry played the introduction of a very mellow song on his clarinet. Seven stepped up next to him and began to sing in a very sweet voice . . .

 _At last, my love has come along!_  
 _My lonely days are over,_  
 _And life is like a song!_

 _Oh, yeah, at last,_  
 _The skies above are blue,_  
 _My heart was wrapped up in clovers_  
 _The night I looked at you!_

 _I found a dream that I could speak to,_  
 _A dream that I can call my own._  
 _I found a thrill to rest my cheek to,_  
 _A thrill that I have never known._

 _Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile_  
 _Oh, and then the spell was cast,_  
 _And here we are in heaven._  
 _For you are mine . . . At last!_

I looked around the room. The Antareans and the guests from the other worlds didn't know the song, of course, but the melody and the words are pretty and, I suspect, quite universal. They listened and clapped politely at the end of the piece, along with our crew. I don't know if B'Elanna had ever heard the song before, but from the way Tom suddenly smiled and glanced up at Harry and Seven, I was sure he was familiar with it. They swayed around the dance floor, oh, so slowly. B'Elanna closed her eyes as she leaned against Tom's shoulder and let him guide her around the room. (He may not have many other chances to do that, _except_ when they're dancing, so I wasn't surprised to see how happy he looked.)

Once the song was over, the couple walked over to Seven and Harry and thanked them for the performance. They moved to the front of the room, and B'Elanna tossed her bouquet high into the air. I think Naomi and Mezoti both tried to grab it, but it was the singer of the song who instinctively pulled the posy out of the air. Our crew cheered and laughed. Seven, confused, bent her head towards the captain and asked her something. After the captain answered, a sour look suddenly appeared on Seven's face. That's when I recalled the Earth tradition. An unmarried woman who catches the bridal bouquet at a wedding is destined to be the next one to marry. Somehow, I don't think so, unless there will be a dearth of marriages on _Voyager_ for a _VERY_ long time.

The Doctor didn't seem to agree. From the way he was beaming at Seven, I suspect our EMH has ambitions for another "Real Life" family - and not one restricted to the holodeck.

Good luck, Doctor. I think you'll need it.

=/\=

 **Music Credit for** **B'Elanna and Tom's wedding song (think Etta James' rendition):** "At Last," Writer(s): Glenn Miller, Bill Conway, William J. Finegan, Harold H. Dickinson Jr. - Copyright: Chappell & Co. Inc.


	77. Mind Control

=/\=

 **Stardate 54088**

We've received another transmission from Project Pathfinder. Many of the crew received messages this time. Sek sent Father one which he offered to share it with me, but I haven't yet seen it. Sek wished to provide Father with the reasons he'd decided to make a change in his choice of career. Dad and I agree, it's wonderful Father can be a party to his Vulcan family's life again. I didn't receive a message, of course, but I understand Tom did. He finally received the message his father sent him years ago, the one which was caught up in the Hirogen array and, with the exception of a few fractured bits, never arrived before the array was destroyed.

B'Elanna's letter was from her cousin Elizabeth. The news was very upsetting to our chief engineer, even though it wasn't a total surprise. B'Elanna's mother Miral really did die in a shuttle accident around the time B'Elanna had her experience on the Barge of the Dead. Was that vision a message to B'Elanna? Did she save her mother from going to Gre'thor? I guess we'll never really know, but at least B'Elanna now knows her mother's fate. Tom told me it made him very sorry to hear she was gone. He'd hoped to meet Miral once _Voyager_ returned to the Alpha Quadrant, to receive her blessing for his marriage to her daughter.

Neither Dad nor I received any letters. We didn't expect any, so it wasn't that much of a disappointment.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54090**

Tom was planning to open his new movie palace holodeck program today. While it promises to be a fun place to visit, Tom and B'Elanna can already view any of the movies from our archives on their television without leaving their new quarters. I guess I don't understand the appeal of going to the holodeck to watch one.

What wasn't fun was finding Ensign Tabor comatose in the front row. The Doctor examined Tabor and discovered microfractures in the Bajoran engineer's right temple. Father has promised to investigate the situation and tabbed me to aid him in this endeavor. I promised to do my best to discover the identity of the perpetrator.

 **Supplemental**

B'Elanna Torres, Commander Chakotay, and Crewmen Yosa and Jor are all lying in Sickbay now. Every one of them was a member of the _Val Jean's_ crew, the Maquis ship destroyed at the Caretaker Array. Some of the former Maquis, including Chell, are saying the most recent Pathfinder datastream included orders for the Maquis to be "eliminated." I'd like to stem the panic, but until we can determine the true cause, I'm afraid suspicion will continue to grow.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54102**

I still don't understand! How could Father have done this to Dad and me? Everyone who wasn't part of the mutiny, including Dad and me. Chell's assertion that someone from the Starfleet crew was responsible turned out to be true. _Father_ was the attacker. While Father was undercover in the Maquis, a Vedek Teero Anaydis captured him and learned he was a spy. Instead of revealing who Father was, he inserted a secret message into his brain, to be unlocked when Teero gave the order. The vedek managed to intercept Sek's message and hid the second order inside it. Father had no memory of attacking the Maquis, using a mind meld to wake them up, and then using a second meld to compel them to take control of _Voyager_. Chakotay ordered Father to murder the captain to prove his loyalty to the mutineers, but Chakotay gave him a defective gun, saving th4e captain from death. Father's true personality reappeared, however. He gave Chakotay another mind meld and returned him to _HIS_ true personality.

It was a very strange interlude. Most of our Maquis crew never joined the mutiny. Chell, for one, remained loyal to Captain Janeway. We were all confined together until Chakotay released us today. Chakotay (I'm reluctant to call him either commander or "captain" at present) had ordered _Voyager_ to travel to an M-Class planet, where the Starfleet crew and any Maquis who refused to join the mutiny would have been marooned. It was a crazy idea. Even if all the Maquis joined the mutineers, they'd have less than half the number of crew needed to run this ship effectively.

Considering the proximity of the Borg and the possibility of encountering other aggressive Delta Quadrant species, what was the likelihood _Voyager_ would survive to return to the Alpha Quadrant? In essence, Teero was condemning everyone to death. Was that what he wanted? To punish the surviving Maquis on _Voyager_?

The Maquis, disenchanted by Teero's mind control schemes, had thrown him out of the organization even before the _Val Jean_ was lost in the Badlands. The war with the Dominion is over, and the Maquis movement has been crushed. Almost all of those who fought the Cardassians are dead or in prison. The only motive that makes any sense at all is revenge.

Once we inform Starfleet about his actions in the next datastream, they'll go after this Vedek Teero. I hope they catch him. He sounds deranged.

I never did view Sek's message. Since I inherited Father's memories at the time of my advent, I wonder, would I have joined the mutiny, too? Would Chakotay, B'Elanna and the others have accepted me if I'd tried? Or would the hidden message have meant nothing, because the mind control instructions were among the memory engrams I've lost over the past four years? I don't think I'll ask the Doctor to poke around in my mind to answer any of those questions. I'm just worried that the mind control experiments performed on Father by Teero Anaydis may have done more damage to Father's brain. How much more must he suffer before we return to the Alpha Quadrant?

=/\=


	78. Someone to Live For

=/\=

 **Stardate 54102**

The captain ordered a change in _Voyager's_ heading today. We're deviating slightly from our planned course and stopping off at a planet called Wysanti. Azan and Rebi, our twin Borglets, have family there who wish to care for them.

At Tom and B'Elanna's wedding, Ambassador O'Zaal of the Antareans recognized the boys as Wysanti. We'd never encountered that species before. Ambassador O'Zaal sent a message to the Wysanti leaders and asked them if any of their people had been assimilated by the Borg recently. O'Zaal had not heard of any such incident, but that didn't mean there hadn't been one. The leaders quickly replied. Three years ago, a colony several light years away from their home planet had been decimated by the Borg. Two of the lost were twin boys. Once O'Zaal informed the captain, and she sent the twins' DNA records to the Wysanti. They matched the ones on file for the missing children. The boys' maternal grandparents are alive and eager for us to bring them home to hem. I was quite pleased to hear this. It will be wonderful for the boys to live with relatives. They've never really fit in with the rest of us.

The next bit of news the captain shared was not at all gratifying. The relatives have offered to make a home for Mezoti as well, and she's agreed to stay with them. I was stunned. We've been leaving the Norcadians further and further behind as we travel towards the Alpha Quadrant. Despite many messages from _Voyager_ to them, the Norcadian government never responded favorably to the captain's request to find Mezoti a home. Since I remember all too well the way Seven and Father were treated by Penk, and how much the Norcadian economy relies upon Tsunkatse, I didn't want her to grow up in their culture. Mezoti doesn't seem to identify with them now anyway. I thought she'd bonded with Seven. With us. I'm not the only one who assumed Mezoti would stay with us on _Voyager_ throughout our journey.

When I spoke with Seven after the announcement, she told me she's strongly opposed to Mezoti's staying with the twins. The memory of Icheb's parents' perfidy is fresh in her mind. Seven was present in the ready room when the captain spoke with the relatives about the twins and Mezoti. "They seem like good people, Lieutenant Tuvix, but Yifay and Leucon presented themselves as devoted parents, too. The Doctor confirms DNA matches that of their grandparents, and the captain has decided to return the twins to them. As we both know, when the captain decides to do something, she will not be swayed from her course." I must agree with Seven's assessment, but I'm so fond of Mezoti. I hate to see her go. And poor Naomi! She'll lose her best friend.

I've never seen the slightest evidence that Mezoti cares that much for Azan and Rebi. This would make sense if Icheb decides he wants to live with the Wysanti, too. Mezoti and Icheb are very close. It would be difficult for him to leave her and travel on with us. Captain Janeway hasn't said what Icheb is going to do. When I asked Seven, she told me Icheb hasn't told her his decision yet. She confirmed the relatives offered Icheb a place in their home, too, however.

I can't believe Icheb will leave Seven. She was the one who demanded we check on him, when the contradictions between Leucon's story and Mezoti's raised questions about the young man's safety. She saved him from his parents' betrayal. She's the main reason he's not fully Borg now - or dead. When Naomi, Mezoti, and I were waiting for Icheb to wake up, after he was saved from the Borg, Mezoti told us she hoped her family would never be found because she never wanted to leave _Voyager_. And now she wants to go? I don't understand. It's so illogical.

The captain also failed to mention Marla Gilmore or Aimee in the announcement, but I trust Aimee will stay with Marla. Aimee's grandmother granted Marla permission to adopt the baby. Marla and Aimee would both be devastated if the captain tries to separate the baby from the only mother she's ever known.

 **Supplemental**

Little Aimee Gilmore will remain with her mother Marla. The formal adoption petition has already sent through the Pathfinder data stream. From the information Starfleet provided when regular communication was established, her request will be reviewed and, hopefully, granted before the year is out. Icheb has also chosen to stay on _Voyager_ with Seven. I'm very relieved.

Now Mezoti's choice to stay with Azan and Rebi on Wysanti is now even more puzzling. I can't believe she's really going to leave us.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54129**

Mezoti was all packed and ready to leave the ship with the twins. She'd said her good-byes to everyone on the ship as we neared Wysanti. Her luggage was sent down to the planet along with Azan's and Rebi's. Shortly after _Voyager_ assumed orbit over the planet, a shuttle rendezvoused with our ship so that Azan and Rebi's family could meet the children in person before they brought them down to the surface.

I was on duty during the _"bon voyage_ " party Tom, B'Elanna, and Dad held for the children in Engineering. My shift ended just before the children were to leave, so I hurried to Transporter Room 2 to say a final goodbye. I arrived just as Mezoti stepped down from the transporter platform and told Azan, Rebi, and their new guardian to leave without her. She'd changed her mind. She wanted to stay with Seven and Icheb. I was as overjoyed by Mezoti's last minute reversal as Icheb and Seven were! Captain Janeway stood next to them, totally still, looking like she'd been carved into a statue during the few seconds it took for Mezoti to say she wanted to remain on _Voyager_. Since she'd told everyone Mezoti was leaving of her own volition, and that she was simply "honoring Mezoti's expressed desire to leave," Captain Janeway could hardly refuse to let the girl stay after she said she didn't want to leave us after all.

I offered to wait for Mezoti's luggage to be returned by the Wysanti, to allow what was left of our little "former Borg family" to leave and announce the happy news to the rest of the crew. They thanked me and left. When I turned towards the captain, she was still frozen in place. Ken Dalby, who was serving as transporter technician this shift, sensed the undercurrents in the room. He asked to be dismissed briefly, for "a call of nature." I told him I'd man the station until he returned.

Once we were alone, I casually asked the captain if there was something I could do for her. At first she said no, but then she could no longer hold in her exasperation. Her careful plans for the Wysanti to take Mezoti - something she'd never admitted to anyone, although our entire crew strongly suspected as much - had gone for naught.

I asked the captain why she was unhappy Mezoti had changed her mind. "Everyone knows the twins will be fine as long as they have each other, but Mezoti is as close as any sister to Icheb. Maybe even closer. Both of them look to Seven as much more than a mere mentor. I doubt Mezoti understands that what she feels for Icheb and Seven is love, but we both know that's what it is. She belongs with them, not with Azan and Rebi."

"Children do not belong on starships," she said firmly. I countered that Ensign Wildman and Crewman Gilmore would surely beg to differ. The captain replied, "It's different for them, I'll grant you that, Mr. Tuvix. One was born on this ship to her biological mother. The other is in the process of being adopted, with the blessing of the only relative we've been able to identify."

"Actually, I thought Naomi is from the duplicate _Voyager_ , just as Ensign Kim is."

Captain Janeway's face twisted into half a grin as she admitted, "You're correct, but this only proves my point. It's a dangerous Delta Quadrant out there, Mr. Tuvix. Mezoti would be safer with the Wysanti. On solid ground."

"Permission to speak freely, Captain?" When she nodded to indicate she'd granted it, I said, "It's a dangerous existence for people who have no one who love them, especially children who are separated from the ones who do. What chance will Mezoti ever have of seeing Icheb and Seven again, once we leave orbit? You set all this in motion when you placed the four older children in Seven of Nine's care. Seven, Mezoti, and Icheb became a family."

The captain sighed. "I never anticipated Seven would grow so attached to Icheb and Mezoti in such a short time. I thought we'd find families for all of the children much sooner than we have."

I hoped I still had her permission to speak openly, but I felt compelled to remind her of someone else who had come on board _Voyager_ through circumstances that were, perhaps, even more unlikely than my own. "Just about the only emotion Seven could express the first year she was with us was anger, but we all could see how deeply she mourned One when she lost him."

The captain nodded ever so slightly. "I can't say I thought about him when I assigned Seven to look after the children. They'd been Borg. She'd been Borg. I thought she could help them make the transition to individuality more easily, thanks to her own experience with the process. She didn't seem to be the maternal type. You're right, though. I should have remembered about One. He was . . . special."

I couldn't keep myself from philosophizing a little. I honestly can't say if what I said came from Dad's view of life, or from Father's. Perhaps both contributed to my comment. "Life would be so much easier if we could anticipate every eventuality, Captain; then we could avoid ever making a mistake. Perfection is impossible for mere humanoids like us to achieve. I don't believe Mezoti's choice to follow her heart and stay with Seven and Icheb is a mistake."

"I hope you're right, Lieutenant." At that point, Ken Dalby returned, and a moment later Mezoti's luggage reappeared on the transporter pad. I picked up her bags to bring to Cargo Bay 2 and followed the captain out of the transporter room. She didn't say another word.

When I arrived at "Borg Central," Mezoti was sitting on the edge of the regeneration alcove platform. She seemed sad. I asked her where everyone else was. She told me Seven had to go to Sickbay because her ocular implant was malfunctioning. Icheb went to Astrometrics to cover Seven's shift until the Doctor fixed whatever had gone wrong and she returned to duty.

This provided the rationale for Mezoti to be sitting here in "Borg Central" all by herself, but it didn't account for her somewhat depressed mood. I asked her if she was sorry she hadn't gone with Azan and Rebi to live on Wysanti. "We haven't left orbit yet. I'm sure the captain can still transport you down, if you want to do that."

Mezoti said she never really wanted to leave _Voyager_. "The captain wanted me to go." (This statement shows just how perceptive Mezoti is.) But now Mezoti was upset because Seven said she wanted to shut down the fourth cubicle to save power, since the three remaining Borg will each have one available when they wish to regenerate. Icheb disagreed. He thought it was too soon to shut down the other alcoves, and Mezoti sided with Icheb. "That's when Seven's ocular implant began to water. Maybe we caused it to malfunction by disagreeing with her."

I assured Mezoti that a simple argument shouldn't cause a dysfunction like that. The Doctor probably needs to make a slight adjustment, and Seven will be just fine. Mezoti perked up after I said that. I offered to help her unpack, but she said she would like to go to Naomi first, to let her know she was staying on the ship.

"You know what Naomi always says. 'It's a small ship.' She probably already knows." I agreed to take her to Mr. Lessing in the Science Department, of course. Naomi was scheduled to have a Botany lesson today. Since she's remaining on board, Mezoti should attend the class, too. We didn't com ahead, to surprise Naomi if she didn't know yet. We were in the corridor, just a few meters from the Botany Labs, when Naomi burst out the door. "You're here! You stayed!" She rushed up to Mezoti and hugged her, as Noah and I beamed at the their joyous reunion.

 **Supplemental**

I recorded the previous entry shortly after leaving Mezoti and Naomi with Noah for their lesson. I was confident all would be well. Tonight I learned some distressing news. The captain called me to her ready room and asked me to supervise Mezoti and Icheb while the captain goes with Father and Tom Paris on an away mission. We passed a Borg debris field several days ago, while on route to Wysanti. They hope to find a Borg drone 's corpse so they can remove its cortical node. Seven's is failing. If a replacement can't be found quickly, she'll die. Seven has been confined to Sickbay, and she's asked us not to tell Mezoti what's wrong with her. Icheb will know soon enough that something's wrong, once Seven doesn't appear in Astrometrics.

I asked the captain if what happened earlier today with Mezoti might have caused this problem. The captain said it had not. Seven has been having symptoms, such as headaches, for the past couple of weeks, but she failed to report them because she thought they were insignificant. They were not. I advised the captain I will be happy to supervise Mezoti, but I pointed out how very upset Naomi became when she accidentally learned her mother was on the missing _Delta Flyer_ with Tom and Father. Dad hid the truth from her for several days. "If Mezoti asks me directly what's going on, I will tell her, even if Seven doesn't want her to know." The captain said she trusts my "discretion" concerning what to tell Mezoti. I have no doubt I'll be telling her sooner, rather than later. Mezoti is too smart, not to mention observant, to be satisfied by half-truths.

When the captain spoke to me about discretion, I perceived a subtext. It will be difficult for Icheb to lose Seven as his mentor. It will be far more difficult for Mezoti, who has just decided to remain on _Voyager_ to be with them. I don't think the captain blames me for what happened, exactly, but I don't think she was happy with my argument that allowing Mezoti to remain was the correct decision. She said _Voyager_ would travel at Warp One until the _Delta Flyer_ returns from this away mission, which she expects to take roughly a week. At that speed, if the worst happens, I'm afraid the captain will decide to return to Wysanti and beg the twins' grandparents to take both Mezoti and Icheb, rather than have them stay on this ship without Seven.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54130**

Icheb knows about Seven. He approached the captain when the away team was walking to the shuttle bay and asked her an innocent question, which the captain was unable to answer. Seven had forgotten to ask the captain if she would recommend Icheb for Starfleet Academy training. He was very disappointed when the captain didn't reply the way he expected. He assumed she didn't believe he would be a good candidate. Once she realized what Icheb was talking about, Captain Janeway was forced to tell him about Seven's medical problem.

It didn't take long for Mezoti to learn the truth, either. She insisted on knowing why Seven had not come to regenerate in their cargo bay the previous night. She took it quite well, actually. The one who hasn't been taking the entire situation well is Seven herself. When Icheb went to see her in Sickbay, she became extremely belligerent, and she refused to allow Mezoti to come near her. The Doctor reported all this to me when I came to get a very upset Mezoti. He'd taken the time to explain to the children that Seven wasn't really angry at them; she was angry because she was ill. "It's a common response when someone is facing a serious illness," he said. Seven's attitude was extremely upsetting for both of the youngsters to accept, despite his explanation.

I brought them to their cargo bay. We talked over what had happened and agreed upon a plan of action. Icheb will work in Astrometrics to cover Seven's shifts there, but he'll be away much of the time overnight. Seven is scheduled for many Gamma shifts, since she prefers working on projects without being interrupted. (I also suspect Seven wanted to keep herself occupied once Mezoti left the ship.) When Icheb is not with her, I'll sleep on a cot in the cargo bay while Mezoti regenerates, like Dad stays in the Wildman quarters with Naomi whenever Sam Wildman is away on a mission. If I hadn't mentioned Naomi, I'm not sure Mezoti would have agreed, but after thinking it through, she did. I promised I would help them get through this crisis any way I can. If they need anything, or if they just feel the need to talk about what they're feeling, all they need do is ask me. I'll be here for them.

=/\=

Stardate **54135**

Lieutenant Ayala has lightened my schedule to permit me to spend as much time in Cargo Bay Two with Mezoti as she needs. Mezoti and Naomi are engaged in educational activities with various crew members during Alpha shift. As things have worked out, I'm sleeping on my cot in Borg Central during most Gamma shifts, so I'm there if Mezoti's regeneration cycle is interrupted. I should probably say, "when it's interrupted." It's happened at least once every night so far. She's very worried about Seven. We all are.

The away team has not yet returned from the debris field. I'm grateful to my crew mates in the Security and Tactical Division for covering for me. They've all assured me they're very willing to help out. Everyone is as fond of Mezoti as I am. It's very kind of them, because it's a lot of extra work. I've promised to make this up to my crewmates as soon as possible, once Father returns to the ship. Because of his absence, they must cover Father's shifts as well as mine. I do work as scheduled whenever I'm on Alpha, since Mezoti is with Naomi then.

I was glad I was there last night. Mezoti was restless. At 0126, her cubicle announced her regeneration cycle was incomplete. I went up to her alcove and asked her what was wrong, other than the obvious: "You must not be able to regenerate."

We sat down on the edge of the platform, a favorite place for Mezoti and Icheb to sit whenever they want to chat with one another. She said she was worried about Seven. "She can't live if her cortical node isn't functioning." Then she asked me what I knew about "termination."

What a question that was for me to answer! If Neevok hadn't drawn the short straw, he would have been the one sitting on this platform with Mezoti. We're the same person, after all. He would be responding to everything that happens the same way that I have. I finally decided it was best to be completely honest with her. I explained I had a twin who sacrificed his life so that my fathers Tuvok and Neelix could return to their own lives. I was almost terminated myself, I explained, but I didn't go into detail about that being part of the same cycle of events. As intelligent and resourceful as Mezoti is, I have no doubt she'll look it up on her own anyway.

I also explained that my Dad, Neelix, actually did die two years ago, but Seven was able to bring him back to life with her nanoprobes. He had a very tough time after that. If not for little Naomi, he wouldn't be here now. He'd hid his distress from me, his son, when he had trouble adjusting to his resurrection. And then, a year and a half ago, my Father Tuvok lost his memory, which is a terrible thing for a Vulcan to experience. "And there was the time Father's shuttle crashed inside a subspace pocket. Lieutenant Paris, the Doctor, and Father were only gone for two days, as far as we knew on _Voyager_ , but to them, months passed. Time ran much faster where they were. Some aliens came and fired at this subspace pocket, intending to seal it up so no one else would be lost. If we hadn't managed to get our away team back before the aliens succeeded, Father and the others would have died. And of course, you know about how Father went with the captain and Lieutenant Torres to the Borg cube to help the drones of Unimatrix Zero break away from the Queen. That was a very close call. You were here then."

"So you know a lot about terminated lives."

"More than I want to know, Mezoti."

She looked very young and very lost. "I do, too. When we were on our cube, First died."

"You saw him die?"

"I felt it, too. We were Borg, connected, although we could think as ourselves, too. One second he was there, in our thoughts, and then he . . . wasn't. I don't want that to happen to Seven."

I assured her that the Doctor was doing everything he can. "He's quite the miracle worker, don't you agree?"

She looked up at me with those big blue-gray eyes of hers, like I was some sort of crazy person for assuming the Doctor would succeed just because he'd managed to save others. It was not a logical response. Father would have lectured me on it, I'm sure, if he were here right now.

Illogical or not, it seemed to do the trick with Mezoti. She said she thought she might be able to regenerate now. I stood by her as she stepped back up and into her alcove. Once the unit was humming again, I went back to my cot. I didn't fall sleep immediately, however. I spent sixteen and a half minutes sitting up, but with my eyes closed. I had no need of a meditation lamp. The flashing green light of Mezoti's alcove shining through my eyelids substituted for one as I ruminated upon life and death, and beginnings and endings. It was a productive sixteen and a half minutes. When I was finished, I was able to lie down and sleep for several hours. Mezoti was able to complete her regeneration cycle without another break, too.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54143**

The away team returned this morning. They'd found an undamaged cortical node in one of the drone cadavers and came back to _Voyager_ as quickly as they could. For the rest of the day, they were in the holodeck, practicing the procedures needed for insertion and integration of the device into Seven's cortical array. They weren't successful. There was never any official announcement, but on our "small ship," something like this can't be kept a secret.

It's devastating news, but Icheb said he expected this all along. I asked him why when he came to ask me for a favor. He said he knew it wouldn't work. "A drone's cortical node must be replaced within a very short time or the drone will die. The node mechanism shuts down and can't be re-initiated. I knew one that came from any of the drones in the debris field near Wysanti would be useless." Then he asked me if I could stay with Mezoti tonight. He'll be working a shift and a half in Astrometrics. I worked Alpha shift today and already planned to spend the evening with Mezoti, so I readily agreed. I could see the poor lad wanted to bury himself in work to avoid thinking about what will happen to Seven. She's been more of a mother to Icheb than Yifay ever bothered to be.

When I arrived in Borg Central tonight, Mezoti was very sad. She'd also known how futile trying to use a node from a dead drone would be. We spent a lot of time reminiscing about fun things, like Tom and B'Elanna's wedding, and the story Dad told the four Borglets on the night we released our "Haunt" from Deck 12 into his new nebula. Dad simply told them what had actually happened, but telling the story in the form of a "once upon a time" tale prevented them from becoming upset during the power system shut down. I finally coaxed Mezoti into her cubicle at 2220. Her cycle has been interrupted twice already, and it's not 2400 yet. I'll try to get some sleep, but I'm sure it's going to be a long night.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54143**

I woke up just as Mezoti's alcove announced her regeneration cycle was complete. She opened her eyes, and I walked her to Deck Two to get breakfast from Dad. I wondered where Icheb had been. He'd told me he was scheduled to cover Beta shift and part of Gamma in Astrometrics, but he was supposed to be back in the cargo bay by 0300 to regenerate. When Mezoti and I arrived at the Mess Hall, I found out the two Ensign Delaneys had shared duty in Astrometrics yesterday. Jenny had covered Alpha and the first half of Beta, while Megan had been there during the rest of Beta and all of Gamma shift. Where had Icheb been?

I found out he'd actually spent the night in the biology lab, researching the feasibility of donating his cortical node to Seven. He'd never been completely assimilated. Icheb reasoned that if several changes were made to his genome, he might well be able to survive without one. He went to the Doctor and Seven with his proposed methodology in hand, requesting they look at his plan. The Doctor brushed him off at first, but when Icheb insisted he look at it more closely, the EMH realized his proposal might actually work. Seven's refused to consider it. Captain Janeway has tried to convince her to at least look at Icheb's plan, but Seven refuses to put his life in danger.

 **Supplemental**

Icheb hasn't taken Seven's "no" for an answer. He came to his cubicle and set it to inactivate his cortical node and disconnect it from his cortical array. When the captain and the Doctor responded to his call, they found him hanging from the platform, near death. Seven still didn't want to accept it, but Icheb declared that if Seven could refuse to have it inserted into her array, he could refuse to have it reconnected, too. Since Icheb had locked the Doctor out of the cubicle, he couldn't reconnect it without Icheb's permission. Seven finally agreed to have the procedure.

After an emergency transport to Sickbay, with Tom assisting, Icheb's node was removed from his cortical array and placed inside Seven's. The "restructuring" DNA therapy protocols Icheb provided to the Doctor have been initiated.

Seven seems to be doing well. That headstrong young man is not. We all hope he pulls through. Icheb is very brave, and he loves Seven and Mezoti. I hope he recovers. Losing Seven would be a tragedy, but if we lost them both, poor Mezoti will lose the family she loves. And if _that_ happens, I have little doubt the captain will turn _Voyager_ around and bring Mezoti back to the Wysanti to stay.

And this time, Mezoti will have no say in the matter.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54149**

Icheb finally woke up today. The word sped around the ship at warp 2! Everyone was thrilled.

He'll have to spend another week in Sickbay while the Doctor and Tom keep him under observation, but unless he has a major setback, which the Doctor now feels is unlikely, he'll be fine. He's lost the ability to communicate subvocally. A cortical node is necessary for that Borg function. I had forgotten Mezoti and Icheb possessed that capability. They apparently used it often to speak with one another with no one else (other than Seven, possibly) being the wiser. Sly foxes, both of them! Mezoti told me the twins used that mode of communication most of the time, so the reason why they didn't speak aloud very often has also been confirmed.

Seven had to regenerate for two full days without a break after the surgery. Icheb has been in Sickbay all this time. He won't need to regenerate very much from now on. Once he's completely healed, the Doctor predicts he'll only need it for a few hours a week, if that. B'Elanna and Seven had previously converted a few of the extra regeneration alcoves into portable units. He'll be able to use one of them most of the time, if he wishes. The Doctor has connected him to one of them in Sickbay during his recuperation.

Mezoti has been splitting her time between Sickbay, with Icheb, and the cargo bay, with Seven. Naomi has kept her friend company much of the time. Naomi has been friends with Seven ever since she helped her with her "captain's assistant" studies a couple of years ago. Classes have been suspended for the duration. Everyone has agreed that until the medical crises were resolved, neither girl would be able to concentrate on their studies. While Icheb was comatose, the girls took turns reading to Icheb from materials Father provided. He told Naomi and Mezoti it was "vital" for Icheb to learn this information. He will need to know it for the Starfleet Entrance Exam, which he must take before he can be accepted into Starfleet's "Distant Learner Program." What Father _didn't_ tell them was that what they were reading was educational for both of them as well. Father doesn't lie (except if he's ordered to by a superior officer), but he can be devious when it suits his purposes.

Tomorrow, the girls' "vacation" will end, since Seven and Icheb are both now "out of the woods," as the Doctor put it. Their first subject will be Health. The Doctor teaches those sessions in Sickbay. This way, they'll be able to spend time with Icheb while they're learning their lesson. Very smart.

During our visit with Icheb this afternoon, Captain Janeway called me over to the Doctor's office. She said, very quietly, so the two girls and Icheb couldn't hear, that my support for Mezoti's choice to remain on _Voyager_ has turned out to be the right decision for everyone's sake. I agreed it had been a very difficult situation, and it could have been a traumatic one if things had turned out differently for Seven and Icheb.

The captain was more philosophical. "Maybe Mezoti gave both of them someone to live for."

 **Supplemental**

I've spoken with Seven about what's to become of Icheb and Mezoti if the return to the Alpha Quadrant occurs when they're still quite young. I suggested Seven might wish to form a family through adoption, the way Aimee is being adopted by Marla Gilmore. Apparently Icheb had already asked her about this, and she's considering it. I told Seven I thought it would be a wonderful solution for them all. I hope she decides to do it.

=/\=

 **Author's Note:** So, Mezoti is STAYING on Voyager. This "fix" of the series is my gift to all of you for the holidays. Since I'm going to be very busy with holiday preparations and spending time with my family, I don't expect to be able to post any more chapters until after the New Year. I hope everyone's season is merry and bright! See you in 2019.-jamelia


	79. Meeting Reg

=/\=

 **Stardate 54209**

We've finally met Reg Barclay of Project Pathfinder - or his holographic representation, I should say. He isn't what I expected from the stories our EMH told us about him.

This version of Mr. Barclay is brimming with self-confidence and has been quite the "life of the party," entertaining us with vocal impressions of Father and Captain Janeway, among others. The EMH is quite perturbed. He's not upset about Reg's being more sociable and self-confident, I must point out. The Doctor is upset that the Reg hologram has been monopolizing the EMH's mobile emitter ever since he's arrived. The biological Lieutenant Barclay our Doctor met on Jupiter Station was always very considerate of others on Jupiter Station, whether they were photonic or organic in nature. The EMH confided, "He seems . . . well . . . quite selfish now."

I pointed out that when the EMH was sent through Project Pathfinder, much of his programming had to be deleted temporarily and placed in data storage until his return. Otherwise, he literally wouldn't have "fit" through the transmitting system. It's possible that some of the natural traits of the organic Lieutenant Barclay had to be altered so that that his holographic representation could travel through the datastream. The Doctor admitted this must be the case - but he still would like to be able to travel more freely around the ship while Reg is here, at least some of the time. I quite agree. If I have an opportunity to speak to the hologram or the captain, I'll mention it.

The really exciting news Reg brought, however, is that Starfleet has worked out a way for _Voyager_ to travel back to the Alpha Quadrant within the next few weeks! The technique involves simultaneously shooting verteron beams into two red giant stars, one in the Delta Quadrant and another in the Alpha Quadrant, creating a geodesic fold in space. This technology is not unknown to our crew. It was one that the captain ordered the Science Division to study on a couple of occasions: the first time, quite early in _Voyager's_ journey, even before my advent (which, if followed then, would have prevented my coming into being), and again, not long after Seven came on _Voyager_ , to see if her knowledge of Borg methods of avoiding radiation contamination would make such a journey feasible. In both cases, the conclusion reached was that it was not a workable technology. The ship would be irradiated to such a degree, no biological matter would survive the journey. Even Father's orchid collection would be reduced to nothing more than greasy smears of petroleum-like residue. Reg brought information on ways to upgrade our shields which he says, if accompanied by enhanced inoculations for the crew, would preserve all of our lives - although Father's orchids might not be so lucky.

The captain is willing to work on the shield upgrades immediately. As she explained to the senior staff, who were told to disseminate the information to the entire crew, any improvement in our shields is beneficial, whether we choose to go through a geodesic fold or not. The Doctor is evaluating the prescribed anti-radiation inoculation composition. After he completes his study, which he expects to finish sometime in the next day or two, the captain will decide on our course of action.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54211**

Well, as an old Earth saying goes, "back to the drawing board." Our attempt to use a geodesic fold to journey halfway across the galaxy failed. We're not quite sure why yet. The opening in the red star in the Delta Quadrant did appear briefly, but then it closed up again before we could guide _Voyager_ through it. Not only that, but for some reason, an escape pod containing the holographic Reg Barclay and Seven of Nine appeared on our sensors, just before the opening closed. We were able to transport the Doctor's mobile emitter with the Barclay program inside and Seven back to _Voyager_ just before the empty escape pod could enter the opening. It closed up before the pod could go through, and the pod disintegrated in the red giant's chromosphere. It's hard to imagine how Seven could have survived in an escape pod, which was not equipped with the shield modifications prescribed by Starfleet for our journey through. We were fortunate to get her back before the pod's destruction. Needless to say, the EMH would be devastated if his mobile emitter was lost as well.

Icheb came to me right after he visited Seven in Sickbay. He'd gone to B'Elanna and Seven before the attempt to create the fold was initiated to convey his concerns that we would not be protected adequately by the shield modifications, even with the added protection of this new type of anti-radiation technology. He'd examined the Doctor's research and was certain the prescribed inoculations was missing components to counteract several additional forms of radiation in the star that he'd recently detected during his studies in Astrometrics of the star's chromosphere and corona. He suspected the Barclay hologram wasn't telling us everything he knew about the project. When the Reg hologram abducted Seven, she would have been killed if they did get into the fold. Icheb asked me what this really was all about. I had no answer for our young cadet.

 **Supplemental**

Father addressed our Security Division today. Seven had apparently been targeted by the Barclay hologram for reasons unknown. After Icheb gave her his evaluation of the shield modifications, the components in the inoculation, and his study of the expected radiation emanating from the red giant star, Seven had analyzed them and confirmed his findings. When Seven told the hologram that she was going to the captain to share this information before everyone on _Voyager_ was killed by radiation, however, he overpowered her and stuffed her into the escape pod with him. Why would this hologram kidnap Seven of Nine and expose her to certain death? We do not yet have a motive, but the scenario, as it played out, _was_ extremely troubling.

The Barclay hologram has been deactivated and the program placed in a data storage module, in a secure location far away from any holoemitters. B'Elanna and Seven had tried to question the hologram about what happened, but there was some sort of advanced encryption used to prevent him from answering any of their questions. B'Elanna admits she's confused, since the encryption used was more typical of something she's encountered in the past in Ferengi programs. Why Starfleet would encrypt any sensitive information with Ferengi codes baffles her. Tom's assessment definitely has merit. He told his wife that if the Ferengi are involved, there must be a profit motive attached somewhere.

The captain plans to ask Admiral Paris about this during the next Project Pathway transmission window. The EMH now says it's almost like this Reg Barclay hologram was based upon an imposter, and not the real Reg.

 **=/\=**

 **Stardate 54237**

We received an explanation in today's datastream about what happened when Lieutenant Barclay's hologram visited us. The captain didn't even have to ask Admiral Paris what it was all about. His initial transmission through the datastream provided us with a complete explanation.

While we actually did receive the "real" Lieutenant Barclay's hologram, it was one which had been intercepted on route by a gang of Ferengi "entrepreneurs" (really, criminals) who were willing to destroy the lives of everyone on _Voyager_ so they could get their "slimy paws" (to use Naomi's succinct phrase) on Borg nanoprobes and sell them to all sorts of businesses, some legitimate, and even more probably not, at an immense profit. I understand that six bars of Latinum, the Ferengi's preferred form of currency, would make anyone extremely rich, and that was the going rate for just _one_ nanoprobe. Seven has hundreds of thousands circulating in her body at any given time. And that's not including the additional nanoprobes that Icheb's, Mezoti's, and little Aimee's bodies hold. The Ferengi thieves must not have known about the children's existence, or the Reg hologram may have tried to abduct one of them, as well.

We were all concerned when we never received any datastream communications the previous month. That's when the first Barclay holographic program was intercepted. Lieutenant Barclay and the rest of the Project Pathfinder team assumed the first program had been too large to be transmitted and sent us a second one with even more deletions of "extraneous" material. This _second_ Barclay hologram was also intercepted and destroyed by the Ferengi, who then sent the corrupted program in its place.

Lieutenant Barclay sent a message of his own to us, apologizing profusely for his hologram's lies and evil deeds. He feels responsible because his own "loose lips" apparently provided the Ferengi sufficient information to make this attempt. The Ferengi sent a human woman, Leosa, to pose as a teacher who was attracted to Lieutenant Barclay. Since he's very much a loner, from all we've learned about him over the past year or so, he was very susceptible to the blandishments of this woman. He confided many details of his work to her, including the plan to send a holographic representation of himself to serve on _Voyager_ as a member of the crew. She's really a Dabo Girl who works for Nunk, one of the Ferengi. Tom believes he's crossed paths with Nunk and this Leosa in the past. "She's quite a salesman, and not averse to selling herself on occasion, either," he told me. I didn't ask how he knew that. He _is_ a married man now.

At any rate, with the help of Counselor Deanna Troi, Admiral Paris, and Lieutenant Barclay himself, they were able to pry enough information out of Leosa to realize what the plan was. Lieutenant Barclay posed as his own hologram and told the Ferengi that Captain Janeway had discovered their plan and was in possession of technology to protect _Voyager_ and its crew from the radiation. He told them the crew would _NOT_ die, and that our captain was so angry at them, she would go after them with all sorts of exotic weaponry we'd supposedly obtained in the Delta Quadrant to do "more than simply kill" the conspirators. That's the real reason the geodesic fold shut down when it did. The Ferengi had done it themselves to prevent the captain from coming through, with "all guns blazing," as Tom said afterwards, laughing.

I did my best to chuckle along with Tom, but I wasn't very successful. All I could think of was that this was still another successful attempt to use the datastream to destroy _Voyager's_ crew. That insane monk Teero Anaydis had interfered with Father's letter from Sek, and now the Ferengi have intercepted the Barclay hologram to pervert it from performing its true purpose, which had simply been to assist our crew in any way it could to help us return home. B'Elanna was still in Engineering, checking over all of the shield modifications to make sure the modifications the "Reg" hologram had installed didn't contain any "Trojan Horse" type of additions to endanger the ship and its crew, or I doubt he'd have told me anything about this.

After I left the Paris-Torres quarters, I visited Father in his to express my concern about the lack of adequate protection for the transmissions through the data stream. He also recognized the danger. In his own revised report about the incident, which he submitted to Starfleet as soon as he heard about the Ferengi involvement, he complained about this and insisted that Project Pathfinder's security system needs a serious upgrade before the next transmission date arrives.

I would like to say my visit with Father put my mind at ease, but it did not. While it was good to hear he'd anticipated my concerns and dealt with them in the manner I would have done in his place, we still must be extremely vigilant whenever we receive datastream transmissions in the future. We'll need to evaluate them stringently to make sure no malefactor has interfered with what has been sent to us before disseminating messages to our crew.

I was also quite unhappy to observe his physical condition during my visit. In the privacy of his quarters he was unable to control his profuse sweating, and he had some difficulty formulating sentences during our discussion of the data stream issues. I reviewed my memories and suddenly recalled that it had been seven years since Father's last _pon farr_. I asked him if he had a plan for dealing with his "condition" (since I didn't dare mention it by name). He assured me he had arranged for a specific medication to be made available to ease his symptoms. He expected to meditate throughout his "time of trial" and deal with his "problem" that way.

I was concerned about the timing, since the Doctor is currently off the ship on an away mission with Harry Kim and Seven. He assured me that Tom will have access to the Doctor's records if he needs the preparation before the Doctor's return. He reminded me that we expect to rendezvous with the _Delta Flyer_ within the next 24 hours, and that he should be able to deal successfully with his "condition" until then. I told him he should come to me if there was anything I could do for him. While he told me he would, I'd be very surprised if he did. Father even had trouble discussing the situation with me!

=/\=


	80. Hiding in Plain Sight

=/\=

 **Stardate 54238**

Father has the "Tarkalean Flu," according to our acting chief medical officer. Tom is filling that position again, since the Doctor is still on the away mission with Harry and Seven. He told me, after sending Father to his quarters and examining him there, that he's giving Father that as his official diagnosis. He also asked me to stay away from Father to support the fiction until the Doctor returns. There's no sign of any "Tarkalean Flu" in me. I guess, three years from now, I'll know for certain if I'll ever be subject to the _pon farr_. I will either have had one, or eight years will have passed since my advent and I can never reasonably expect to have to deal with one. I actually don't think I will. After my time with Alyara, I'm fairly certain my . . . appetites . . . are Talaxian.

What is far more disturbing at this point is that we don't know when the Doctor will return. The _Delta Flyer_ has not checked in with the bridge within the past 24 hours, as protocol demands during any away mission. A sensor sweep was instituted of the rendezvous area. No sign of the _Flyer_. A long range sweep also failed to uncover any sign of our missing shuttle. After Tom "quarantined" Father, he contacted me through the comm system and advised me to search for the _Flyer's_ ion trails. He planned on trying that himself, before his condition worsened to the point that he couldn't function on the bridge. It won't be easy. We know what the _Flyer's_ position was as of its last check-in with the bridge, but that's a very long way from our current location. The captain has ordered us to proceed further into Lokirrim space, to see if we can pick up their trail, but that has its own hazards. We're led to understand the Lokirrim are in the midst of dealing with some sort of insurrection by some of their inhabitants. We don't have any details, but after our experience with people like the Devore, any sort of internal conflict can create problems for us that I'd prefer not to have to confront while Father is unable to function optimally.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54240**

Father has been unable to meditate away the worst of his symptoms, even with the assistance of the medications Tom has been providing him. Tom had another solution, of course, which was a variant of the EMH's "treatment" for the _pon farr_ when Ensign Vorik went through it three years ago. It didn't work well with Vorik, but that might have been because the Doctor's "Miss Right Now" was a generic character.

Tom confided that when he recommended creating the program for Father, he planned to recreate T'Pel for Father to use as a focus of his meditations. Father was reluctant, but he agreed after Tom convinced him that as long as the hologram was that of his wife, he wasn't really cheating on her. Tom asked me to check over the holocharacter to see if it was reasonably accurate, as far as I could tell from the memories I inherited from Father.

Tom's creation looks just like Father's spouse. I thought her voice was off, however. T'Pel's is a warm, mellow alto, and it's a bit breathy at times. Father had shared a letter with me that she'd sent him, shortly after audio-visual communications were permitted for civilian correspondence. I allowed Tom to borrow it so that he could get a better feel for the way she spoke. He eagerly accepted it and adjusted the character's voice to make it much closer to T'Pel's own. It's not exact, of course. Any recording will have a touch of distortion from the way a person usually sounds, but it was probably as close a recreation of my stepmother's voice that we could possibly present to Father, under the current circumstances.

Father had barely entered the holodeck, however, before a Lokirrim warship appeared and demanded all photonic energy usage on our ship to cease. Captain Janeway assured the Lokirrim captain that all of the holograms on our ship are for "recreational purposes only" (true at the moment, since we still don't have our EMH on board) and ordered the holodecks shut down. Poor Father! When the Lokirrim captain insisted on boarding our ship to inspect _Voyager_ , however, the captain told him that she would allow him to travel alongside our vessel while we traversed Lokirrim space, but if he insisted on trying to board _Voyager_ , she would order his ship destroyed. This was not an idle threat. The Lokirrim ship's weaponry and shields are no match for _Voyager's_. He reluctantly complied with her demands.

So now we are traveling through Lokirrim space, plodding along because the annoying alien vessel that's accompanying us is much slower than ours, while we frantically search for the _Delta Flyer_ and our missing crew. It would be laughable if the situation wasn't so serious. Father is suffering from the _pon farr_ , and unless it's resolved satisfactorily - and soon - he could die.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54243**

We're finally out of Lokirrim space, and not a moment too soon, as far as I'm concerned.

Father is okay. As soon as we retrieved our away team and the _Delta Flyer_ from the Lokirrim patrol ship that had imprisoned them, Captain Janeway ordered us out of their space at top speed. As soon as we crossed their borders, she turned the holodeck back on so that Father could finish his "therapy" without any further interruptions. Dad and I were waiting for him when he exited Holodeck 1, and it was obvious that Tom's therapy had indeed worked for Father, even though it hadn't for Vorik when the Doctor tried it with him. Clearly, the fact that Father and his spouse have enjoyed many such interludesin their lives together enabled him to be successful with this form of meditation therapy, thanks to Tom's holographic programming skills. Father had nothing negative to say to Dad or me while we walked down the corridor after leaving the holodeck. Tom told me later that he did have one complaint for him. "Tuvok said I made T'Pel's ears too long." He was laughing when he told me this, so I did my best not to think about the role ears played in Vulcan sexual practices.

Yes, there is one. I wish Father hadn't mentioned that to Tom, because now I can't seem to expunge those images from my mind. Oh, well. Perhaps if I don't try to keep them out of my mind, I'll eventually be able to forget. Someday.

Once I was assured of Father's renewed health, I was apprised of the other story involving the Lokirrim, the one of which we had no knowledge until Seven notified us about the away team's abduction by the Lokirrim. Or, I guess I should say, the Doctor notified us, since he was in control of Seven's body when that occurred.

Since the crew of the patrol ship captained by Ranek was under orders to decompile any sentient holograms they encountered, we were in imminent danger of losing our EMH when the patrol ship confronted them. The Doctor's program hid inside Seven's cybernetic network. She identified his mobile emitter as a "portable regeneration device," and Ranek fell for the explanation. He'd impounded the _Delta Flyer_ and its crew because the substances the EMH had collected to transform into medications apparently could also be converted into biochemical explosive devices. They were accused of weapons trafficking, of all things! Possession of holographic technology is also a crime now in Lokirrim space. I can't say I condemn them for this, since the insurrection they've been dealing with has been from their own holograms. I'm not sure how they can function independently enough to be part of an insurrection, since the rest of the Lokirrim's technology doesn't seem adequate to produce anything like our EMH's 29th century mobile emitter. However they've managed it, their war on "organics" has resulted in many deaths and smacks of the same sort of behavior the murderous isomorphic projection called Dejaren engaged in, on a ship B'Elanna and the Doctor encountered a few years ago.

Whether the Lokirrim's methods were justified or not, charging our away team on minimal grounds and impounding the _Delta Flyer_ were clearly beyond what our captain considers acceptable behavior between sentient species. Once we learned of our crewmates' location, she rather forcefully broke the agreement between us and the first Lokirrim captain we'd met. After she discovered our crew had been imprisoned on Ranek's patrol ship, she ordered us to disable the weapons and propulsion on the ship that had been accompanying ours and sped away to retrieve our crew and shuttle from Captain Ranek.

When the Doctor went back into his mobile emitter during the rescue, Captain Ranek fired upon the Doctor and Seven. He missed and damaged one of his own consoles. Although Seven warned him to stay away while she fixed the problem, Ranek refused. The console overloaded and exploded, just as she'd predicted; and Ranek was seriously injured. Despite the danger to himself if another Lokirrim ship reached Ranek's before he'd completed treating him for his injuries, the EMH refused to return to _Voyager_ until he was certain the Lokirrim captain had been cured. While Ranek and his executive officer, a young woman named Jaryn, did not say they would look at all "photonics" in a better light after our Doctor provided urgently needed medical care, they agreed our EMH was, in fact, a hologram who was serious about keeping his vow to provide assistance to anyone, friend or foe, who was in need of his services. I'd like to think that this will eventually lead them to reconsider their attitude towards photonics.

 **Supplemental**

Seven became noticeably peeved with the Doctor when she overheard him say he wished he could have more New York Style Cheesecake. At first I had no idea why that would upset her. My friend Mezoti has since provided all the particulars. (If Seven isn't careful, Mezoti will report whatever Seven is thinking to Dad, Naomi, and me, since our young Norcadi girl has no qualms about sharing what she's "overheard." I tried to point out that this is inappropriate behavior, but I don't think she accepts this yet. Mezoti picks up Seven's thoughts through her cortical node, the way she did with the twins and Icheb, before he lost his ability to communicate subvocally.)

"When the Doctor was inside Seven's cortical array," she reported, "he ate an _entire_ New York Cheesecake with Ranek, the Lokirrim captain - and K'tarian chocolate puffs - and alcoholic beverages." (Seven has a great deal of trouble metabolizing anything alcoholic or syntheholic.) "Seven's not happy. Her clothing is tight now. And he was flirting with Jaryn, the woman who was on the ship with them. He was flirting with Ranek, too - or maybe it was the other way around. Ranek was flirting with the Doctor when he was inside Seven. Anyway, she's mad at him for abusing her body. I wouldn't want him taking over my cortical array, either," Mezoti sniffed after providing this intriguing information to us.

Mezoti's information, as usual, was totally accurate - although I hope she hadn't been aware of the extent of his sexual arousal when Jaryn gave him a massage. Mr. Kim had no qualms sharing _that_ information with Tom and me (and he's old enough to know better than to report such a thing - although I regret to say that neither of us objected to hearing this bit of gossip until _after_ he'd finished his recitation). Harry overheard Seven and the Doctor arguing about this, after the EMH returned to his mobile emitter, while they were all locked up in Ranek's brig. (I think Harry still has a bit of a crush on our former Borg and was incensed about the Doctor's cavalier treatment of Seven's lovely form. He swore Tom and me to secrecy; and the only time I've breathed a word of this anywhere is right now, in my personal log. I don't know if Harry told anyone else, or if Tom is responsible - but the story is all over our small ship anyway.)

Seven _appears_ to have forgiven the Doctor. Since this was the only time he's had the ability to truly experience taste and smell, I can understand why he got a little giddy and went overboard while exploring the wonderful world of sensory perceptions. We've discovered she's been bringing her dinners to Sickbay and eating them in front of him, describing how they taste, so that he can experience the meals vicariously through her descriptions.

I mentioned to Icheb and Mezoti that this was a very nice thing for her to do for the Doctor. Icheb snickered a bit (which is the first time I ever heard him do that) and said, "Maybe not so nice. Eating in front of him frustrates him because he can't taste the food she's eating. He now knows what he's missing. I think she's punishing him for the way he acted while he was in control of her body." I've given the matter a lot of thought. While Icheb may have identified her true motivation, I would prefer to believe Seven is acting out of altruism and not vindictiveness towards our EMH - even though I _also_ think it would do his program good to suffer from a little frustration, after the way he acted.

=/\=


	81. Humanitarian Aid

=/\=

 **Stardate 54270**

The captain has finally succumbed to B'Elanna's pleas to land _Voyager_ on an uninhabited planet for a long-needed "maintenance stop." The warp engines need a complete overhaul, and while we can manufacture most of the components ourselves in the industrial-size replicators, performing a complete refit really requires either a stop at a friendly, well-equipped space station or a period of time spent immobilized on a planet's surface. The last time we came to an appropriate station was years ago, when I met Alyara and had such a wonderful time. It wasn't so wonderful for Seven. That's when Lieutenant Wilkara came on board, after the Doctor broke her link with Lansor and P'Chan.

That might be one reason the captain decided to send Seven with Harry and Dad in the _Delta Flyer_ , on a mission searching for dilithium, while Tom landed _Voyager_ on a Class-L planet. Scenic, it's not, but the atmosphere is breathable and the gravity is a little weaker than Earth-normal. Our crew will be able to examine the hull and return it to a "newborn" surface for the first time in a very long time without having to work in spacesuits. Two other teams in Class-2 shuttles have been sent in other directions looking for supplies such as dilithium. Hopefully one or more will find crystals for the refit.

The rest of us are resigned to doing the drudge work. Well, most of us are. Tom begged Captain Janeway to let him go on the mission in the _Flyer_ , but she sent the search teams out before we landed on the planet's surface. Tom has had several opportunities to land _Voyager_ during our journey. None of our other pilots have had that experience. The captain insisted that the best pilot had to be the one at the helm. (When the subject came up, no one mentioned that Commander Chakotay had landed _Voyager_ on the Demon planet. He was successful that time, but his history of shuttle accidents seems to have made the captain leery of having him perform the maneuver if there's an alternative. Tom has had his share of shuttle accidents, of course, but everyone knows his couldn't be avoided when they occurred. No one is certain Chakotay's accidents have always been so unavoidable.) This means that Tom is stuck completing assignments that are boring, dirty, and beneath his dignity like the rest of us. (He's been scrubbing plasma conduits, which is often a punishment detail. I can't blame him for complaining about _that_ assignment.)

With Dad away, I'm stuck myself. When I'm not working with Chell cooking for the crew from our food stores, since we're trying to reserve energy for the repairs instead of using it to conjure up meals in the replicator, I've been taking inventory with Lieutenant Ayala. Thanks to Project Pathfinder, we've received the schematics which allow for upgrades to many of our existing weapons. In some cases the captain has authorized us to replace truly outdated models with new ones, which require assembly after the parts are produced in the replicators.

As long as Seven is away, I am also "in charge" of Icheb and Mezoti. I've received received permission to take a nature walk later today with Mezoti and Naomi and Noah Lessing, who wants to examine the vegetation on this world. It's sparse, but he says it looks like what one finds in desert landscapes on other planets. We may find some interesting edible varieties to supplement our food stores. The girls are eager to go, and the captain has agreed to leave Chell in complete charge of the Mess Hall for dinner so that we can spend that part of the day on the planet's surface. I hope I won't hear too many complaints. Chell is an accomplished cook, but his constant chatter drives many of the crew a little crazy.

 **Supplemental**

Our nature walk was a lot of fun. Although there's little water on this planet, we did find a few little springs with an astonishing array of wildlife surrounding them, animal as well as vegetable. A few plants were so aromatic and abundant, I asked Mr. Lessing to check them out to make sure they were edible. They were, so we transported several flats of them to one of the airponics bays to grow to supplement our spice supplies. I made a pudding and used two of the herbs to disguise the taste of leola root, since most of the crew still isn't fond of it. Mezoti and I had to laugh when the captain and first officer both complimented me on the dessert. When they sampled it at the end of Beta shift, they had no idea it contained an ingredient they loathe! The girls, Mr. Lessing, and I hope to receive clearance to take a few more hikes before we leave this planet - for educational purposes only, as we plan to tell the captain. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54274**

Icheb is now working in Engineering. He had been assigned to work with Father as part of his "cadet training." I think delivering PADDs was a little beneath Icheb's abilities, although it _is_ always important to reinforce the need to follow orders. We aren't so short on energy that the information Icheb was delivering in a PADD couldn't have been entered into the computer for the captain to access at her leisure. At any rate, when he was in Engineering delivering a PADD to the captain from Father, they suffered a brief power failed. It could have taken us a while to fix, except Icheb remembered having to make a repair on the Borg cube when he first "woke up" as a drone, when he had to restore power to one of the cube's areas. He quickly took the initiative and made the repair in Engineering himself. He was afraid he'd overstepped his bounds, at first, but the captain decided his talents would be better utilized as part of Lieutenant Torres' engineering team instead of as a messenger boy. Icheb is pleased, and so am I. I'm sure that Seven will be gratified when she learns about this as well.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54276**

A Captain Geral, member of a race who call themselves the Annari, has come on board and asked us what we're doing here. The Annari claim this world. The captain gave him a tour of the ship and asked him if we could institute a trade of some sort, since we need dilithium injectors for our warp drive and have zeolithic ore to spare. Working a trade would save us the trouble (and energy expense) of making the injectors ourselves. He accepted the captain's explanation and transported back up to his ship, one of three currently in orbit around the planet.

 **Supplemental**

While the captain was working on the trade, Dad, Seven, and Harry returned from their away mission. They didn't find any dilithium, but once the Annari ships left orbit, they approached the planet, accompanied by another ship belonging to a race called the Kraylor. An Annari vessel shooting at the Kraylor medical transport had the _Delta Flyer_ in its sights, as well, and Harry disabled the Annari ship's weapons in order to protect the _Flyer,_ as well as answer the Kraylor vessel's distress call. While their ship has a cloaking device to hide its location from the Annari, it was severely damaged in the attack. Many of the Kraylor ship's crew were killed. Only one bridge officer survived, and this was his first assignment. He had just graduated from the Kraylor officer training program, and all of his piloting training had taken place on a shuttle. Dr. Loken needs to deliver a vaccine to the Kraylor homeworld, but without an experienced crew, he'll never get it through the Annari blockade of his planet. Dr. Loken claims that while the Annari initially come as friends, they follow up by subjugating everyone they meet.

Dr. Loken has asked the captain to permit Harry to pilot their vessel back to the homeworld. After the captain interviewed the Kraylor doctor and Harry, she's decided to allow it, with Seven going along to assist. While he has been in charge of the bridge of _Voyager_ from time to time, usually during Gamma shifts, he always has support available from the other officers if he needs it. Since Seven has no actual Starfleet rank, on this mission, Harry will be in sole command of a true starship for the first time. I'm happy for him.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54279**

Icheb is no longer working in Engineering with B'Elanna. He's been reassigned to scrub plasma conduits. I was quite upset when I heard about it and went to the captain for an explanation. It seems that Icheb mistook B'Elanna's overtures of friendship to him for an inappropriate romantic attraction. He misinterpreted what the Doctor said were "signs" of sexual attraction in B'Elanna, such as elevated endorphin levels and blood pressure (in fact, he'd taken tricorder readings of her while they were working in a Jeffries tube!) The environmental controls weren't working well at the time, and they had to struggle to make the repair, which obviously affected Icheb's tricorder readings. B'Elanna was astonished when Icheb said they "couldn't see each other anymore," but rather than make him feel worse about the misunderstanding, agreed to "let him down easy." He accepted his change of assignment, thinking B'Elanna was trying to spare him from having to spend time with her when she was "frustrated" by losing him.

Icheb's little sister Mezoti has had no qualms telling him he must have been wrong about B'Elanna being interested in him. "B'Elanna is in love with her husband Tom." Mezoti was quite merciless, and unfortunately, she was also quite right. Some of B'Elanna's engineering staff have gleefully spread the story all over the ship, and Icheb is very embarrassed about his mistake. I'd like to talk to him about what happened, but I'm not sure my relative lack of experience, despite those I remember from Dad and Father, would qualify me to counsel Icheb about this. I went to Tom for advice. He said he was sure Icheb had made an innocent mistake, and he admitted that something he'd said to Icheb in jest might have made the situation worse. He said he'd speak with Icheb. "I've been there myself," when it comes to making a mistake like that..

=/\=

 **Stardate 54282**

We've been expelled from the planet by the Annari. They found out the _Delta Flyer_ fired on one of their ships several days ago. Of course, the Annari ship had fired upon the _Flyer_ first in their attempt to destroy the Kraylor medical transport, but they refuse to accept that explanation. They're also miffed because they discovered two humans on a Kraylor vessel, in orbit around the Kraylor's home planet. Obviously, they detected Harry and Seven on board the medical transport ship. So, no trade for dilithium injectors with the Annari. At least we still have the ore to trade with someone else for a commodity we need. And Mezoti, Naomi, and I did manage to take one more nature walk the other day, so I don't feel too bad about leaving the planet. We've seen what we reasonably could hope to see here.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54284**

We're out of Annari space, and the Kraylor have returned Harry and Seven to us. It turns out that Dr. Loken wasn't a medical doctor at all. There was no vaccine. _The Nightingale,_ as Harry had dubbed their _Medical Transport 136,_ was actually the item that had to be delivered to the homeworld. Its cloaking device was a prototype, designed to protect Kraylor ships so they could escape destruction by the Annari vessels when they tried to run the blockade. Harry wasn't too happy about the situation once he found out there was no true medical emergency. Although what Dr. Loken told Harry - and Captain Janeway - wasn't literally true, now that the Kraylor ships are cloaked, they can deliver food and medicine to the homeworld which the Annari blockade was preventing from getting through. In that sense, it could be seen as a humanitarian mission after all. Once the cloaks were installed on the Kraylor fleet, one of their ships returned Harry and Seven to _Voyager_ , just before Father and Tom were about to leave for the Kraylor homeworld to retrieve them.

Harry wasn't happy about his performance as captain of _The Nightingale_. "I was too hands-on as a commander. My decisions actually caused the Kraylor on the ship to mutiny. People were killed on my watch." He finally did what needed to be done to deliver the vessel to the Kraylor's planet, but this experience has left him feeling he has a lot to learn before he's ready to command his own starship. "I'm still a Buster Kincaid, not Captain Proton," he ruefully admitted.

After I spoke with Harry, I asked Seven about what happened on _The Nightingale._ At first she was reluctant to say much. After she realized Harry had already shared the entire experience with me, including the fact that she'd been critical about his handling of the situations but had admitted she'd been right about him, she mellowed. She was glad Harry had accepted her critique of his performance and had acted appropriately when he had a chance to correct some of his mistakes, particularly in the way he utilized the talents of Terek, the inexperienced Kraylor officer.

"He accepts what I say," Seven admitted quietly. "He is more adaptable than I have given him credit for."

When she said this, I was reminded of her frequent comments that she works well with Harry. I couldn't resist saying, "If you had chosen Harry for your first date, rather than Lieutenant Chapman, Tom might have lost that bet he had with the Doctor."

"Perhaps Harry would have suffered from a dislocated shoulder instead of Lieutenant Chapman," she said, lifting her eyebrow and smiling in that way she has when she's particularly amused.

I told her I didn't agree. "You know each other well. I don't think you'd have had the same difficulty communicating."

"Harry would have known not to order dinner for me before asking me what I wanted first. And he certainly wouldn't have ordered lobster!" I had to laugh when she said that. No, Harry would have definitely avoided a crustacean entrée for her.

At that point, I decided to change the subject and asked, "How is Icheb doing

"He is . . . mortified by the misunderstanding. Lieutenant Paris has been very kind. He's said it can happen to anyone. He's asked Icheb to help him develop a holodeck program that the children can enjoy. Since Icheb prefers not to go rock climbing - for obvious reasons - but would not mind experiencing physical activity more rigorous than Fair Haven provides, Lieutenant Paris suggested they recreate a series of hiking trails through national parks. Lieutenant Paris is familiar with several on Earth, and he believes other members of the crew will help them research those existing on other planets of the Federation. There may be some uphill climbs, but nothing as strenuous as the programs Lieutenant Torres likes to run. Icheb agreed. Learning holodeck programming is something he's expressed an interest in to me. Lieutenant Paris would be an excellent teacher."

"That sounds wonderful! Aimee can go along too, once she's old enough to walk."

Seven smiled slightly. "As soon as Mezoti heard about the hiking program, she said she'd carry Aimee on her back if Marla allows it. Mezoti told me you took walks on the planet's surface while _Voyager_ while I was away. I want to thank you. She enjoyed the experience. Naomi did, too. Neither of them have had many chances to explore an unknown planet's surface."

It's true, of course. Naomi has been ship bound for most of her life. Mezoti has never regained her memories of her life before her assimilation. She once confided that she can't even recall what her parents looked like. Visiting Fair Haven and the Flotter and Trevis programs on the holodeck are all very nice, but we really do need to allow them to spend more time on actual planetary surfaces, to give them a chance to explore natural landscapes. I think I'll suggest they be allowed to participate in a some of the away team foraging missions. They loved finding the plants we collected to supplement our supply of herbs, and the Doctor has determined one of the plants has medicinal properties, as a digestive aid.

It's too bad our stay on the planet's surface didn't last as long as we'd expected. Now that I look back upon the situation, even though Loken wasn't very truthful about the nature of _The Nightingale's_ mission, I suspect what he said about the Annari may have been more accurate than the accusations the Annari had made about the Kraylor.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54293**

B'Elanna and Tom invited Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, Seven, Mezoti, Icheb, and me to join them in Holodeck 2 to view the first phase of the National Park Trails program, which Tom's been building with Icheb. It's a short hike along the north rim of Earth's Grand Canyon. Although it's a long way from being finished, the view they've created is spectacular. The captain said it looks just like the real thing. B'Elanna laughed, and then explained they used actual holographic imagery in order to create that vista. "That view was the easiest part of the whole thing to program!"

After a short hike, we sat down around a picnic table and enjoyed the snacks Dad prepared for me to bring with us. I didn't say very much while we ate. Icheb interacted with both Tom and B'Elanna in a very easy way, indicating that B'Elanna and Icheb have overcome any lingering embarrassment about their recent misunderstanding. When I spoke to Tom briefly, right after we left the program, he told me that Icheb is saying it was a "good lesson" for him not to jump to conclusions. "I told him there's an even more important lesson for him to take from this experience. Never go the Doctor for romantic advice! He doesn't have any romantic experience to speak of!"

I didn't really respond to Tom's observation as we parted, but as I walked to my quarters, I recalled that the Doctor _does_ have romantic experience. According to our EMH, when he spent the equivalent of three years on the planet that revolves so quickly on its axis we were able to observe the rise of civilization on its surface, he acquired a significant other - and a son. When we "rescued" him, he was very sad about leaving them behind, although of course, he hadn't had any choice or warning. In the time it took for him to tell us about them, so much time had passed on the planet, he couldn't have even gone back to say goodbye.

And then I thought about the way I saw him gazing at Seven when she caught B'Elanna's wedding bouquet at their wedding, and about what I heard about his private holodeck programs when he added daydreaming to his matrix. The Doctor may not have a _lot_ of experience - certainly not as much as Tom does - but clearly, he has some, and dreams of gaining more!

=/\=


	82. The Doctor's Betrayal

=/\=

 **Stardate 54329**

The past few days have been extremely stressful. I can't believe what's happened, although I must. We lived it. Whenever Tom isn't at the helm (and sometimes, even when he is), he's beside himself with anger at the Doctor. I cannot really blame Tom. The Doctor is a traitor to _Voyager!_ He abandoned our ship and left it vulnerable to attack - and we know B'Elanna's abduction must have had some connection to him.

Perhaps if I can calm myself enough to meditate, I'll be able to figure out what has happened. I must admit I'm having more trouble maintaining focus tonight than I have at any other time in recent memory. Even Father admitted he is "seriously disquieted" about the events of these days.

Recording the facts in my personal log may help, because I do need to calm myself enough to get some rest. We are racing after the perpetrators, and when we catch up with them, I don't know what the outcome will be. Only one will satisfy Tom. We have to get his wife back, safe and whole. Who knows what those murderous holograms might do to her? And why did they decide to kidnap her?

I should begin at the beginning, I suppose. I was in my quarters, getting ready to relieve Lieutenant Ayala on the bridge, when Father summoned me to participate in an away team in response to a distress call emanating from a Hirogen facility. The Hirogen always raise serious security concerns. Thanks to an almost identical knowledge base, since I've inherited memories of his training, along with the many drills completed since my advent on this ship to reinforce this knowledge, Father knows I will assess most situations very much as he does. We "think as one" in sticky situations, as this one promised to be. Commander Chakotay led the team, which included Tom, Seven, and Ensign Culhane in addition to Father and I.

When we beamed inside the Hirogen space station, we discovered a lush tropical environment, which to our senses appeared to be completely natural. We quickly discovered the bodies of a pair of Hirogen hunters lying next to a pond which we assumed had been killed by a powerful, as yet unknown species. An examination of the corpses, however, revealed they had been killed with a Type 3 phaser, the same as those used by Starfleet. We discovered another anomalous weapon stuck into the bark of a tree: a Klingon bat'leth. The commander decided to split our team to cover more of the area. Father, Tom and Ensign Culhane went in one direction, while Seven and I backed up the commander.

We finally discovered a single Hirogen survivor after he began to fire at us, accusing us of being holograms out to kill him. Father circled behind him and subdued him with a Vulcan nerve pinch. The Hirogen was badly wounded. Tom determined he needed immediate treatment from the EMH in our Sickbay and beamed off the station with him.

After their departure, we discovered that the environment, which had seemed so real even to our tricorders, was in fact a totally artificial, holographic one. The commander discovered the controls near the place the survivor had been hiding and shut the program down. Once the tropical vegetation and waterways disappeared, we discovered we were not alone. The floor of the holodeck was littered with the corpses of 43 Hirogen. When we examined the holographic technology, we realized it was consistent with the equipment Captain Janeway had traded to the Hirogen who had taken over _Voyager_ after their Alpha Caahr's death in order to get them to leave us alone so we could repair our ship. As the captain said after we told her about this, they were supposed to use the technology to _avoid_ killing anyone, not be killed with it themselves.

We were summoned back to the ship before we could do anything at all about the Hirogen corpses. One of their own vessels had been detected heading towards our position, obviously in response to the same distress call. At first they assumed we had killed their people, but the captain assured them it was not so. While they were retrieving the bodies, the Alpha and Beta of that ship came aboard to interrogate the survivor, who said his name was Donik. They accused him of being responsible for the murders of the other hunters, due to his incompetence. They wanted to take him back to their ship and "deal with him: in their own way, but the captain refused to allow it. Donik told us he'd he had followed his own Alpha's orders to "upgrade" the holograms with comprehensive tactical programming, enhanced memories, and the ability to feel pain. This combination of features created holograms who were capable of learning on their own, apart from any modifications made by a technician like Donik. Once the holograms took over the scenario at the station, which was a training facility to teach the skills of the hunt to neophyte hunters, they escaped the facility in a Hirogen ship that had been equipped with holoemitters.

Since the captain feels responsible for giving the Hirogen the technology, she agreed to ally _Voyager_ with the Hirogen when they said they were going after the rogue holograms to prevent any more massacres. I know she feels guilty that we provided the technology to them, we didn't exactly have a lot of options then. The Hirogen far outnumbered us, and it was the only thing we had to bargain with to gain our freedom at the time.

At any rate, we went with them when they identified what they assumed was the location of the hologram's ship. Even though our captain urged them to hold off until we'd had a chance to thoroughly examine the hologram's vessel, the Hirogen attacked the vessel. As Father told me later, we'd discovered the "ship" too easily. Harry and Father's scans showed it had no weapons, life support system, warp drive or impulse engines. It wasn't a ship, it was a holographic projection, a decoy meant to confuse us - and a bomb. When it blew up, our Hirogen "allies'" vessel was fatally damaged. The captain ordered us to transport the survivors (barely a dozen) onto _Voyager,_ just before their vessel disintegrated.

The hologram's ship was in the area, however, hiding. After the explosion it attacked us. While we were busy defending our ship, we didn't recognize their true purpose. By the time we realized they were interfering with our EMH program, they'd succeeded in stealing him.

The hologram's ship flew away, leaving us to deal with damage to _Voyager."_ A while later it reappeared, and the hologram's leader, who identified himself as Iden, requested an audience with Captain Janeway. He expected us to ignore the murder of the Hirogen on the training facility and ally _Voyager_ with him to free the "enslaved holograms" of the region, sending our own EMH to us to plead his case. I don't know what this Iden hologram might have said or done while he held our Doctor on his vessel. When Captain Janeway quite properly told our EMH she couldn't go along with the holograms' plans in view of what they'd already done, instead of following her orders to go to the mess hall to treat the Hirogen wounded, the Doctor went to Sickbay instead. He provided the command codes to Iden so that he could lower our shields to fire upon _Voyager_. Our ship was critically damaged by Iden, thanks to the Doctor's perfidy. That's when he kidnapped B'Elanna Torres, our chief engineer and Tom's wife. The EMH then transported back to the holograms' ship.

I thought I'd calm down by relating the facts of the situation in my log. I was wrong. I will try to meditate now, because I must report to Engineering again, four hours from now, to help with the repairs to the warp core. I doubt I'll get much sleep. Father claims that Vulcans can go weeks without sleep. I guess I will learn shortly if I'm Vulcan enough to do the same.

 **Addendum**

We're all been working very hard to repair our ship and track the renegade holograms' path. I really don't have time to tell the entire story now, but thanks to what the Doctor has done, I'm finding myself feeling a little more sympathy for the Lokirrim. I can't say I've got much for the Hirogen, however. They betrayed us, too, when we were trying to help them.

Tom and his field medic team were treating them the best that they could in the Mess Hall, since there were too many to treat effectively in Sickbay. They weren't happy that the captain wasn't allowing them free range of the ship - as if we could trust them, considering how belligerent they were towards all of us. Icheb was helping Tom, and Dad and I were asked to assist in keeping order. They began to fight us, forcing us to call Father for reinforcements.

It was all a diversion so that their new Alpha (the very impulsive Beta who had accused little Donik of cowardice in Sickbay who inherited the job because his own Alpha died on their ship) could contact more Hirogen vessels. Two other ships came in response, and all the Hirogen other than Donik were transported back to their ships. They didn't want us to help them anymore, and they didn't want Donik back at this point, either. He's volunteered to help us track the holograms' ship, since he's an engineer as well as holographic technician. He knows the weaknesses of Hirogen technology just as well as he does its strengths. Donik has shown us a way for us to hide from the Hirogen ships. Their sensors cannot detect anything that may be following closely in the wake of the rear of their vessels, since the exhaust obscures the readings. The trick will be to avoid detection while we slip behind them.

Donik made a comment about becoming a technician so he didn't have to become a hunter. It's obvious to me that Donik's relatively diminutive stature would not have permitted him much success in the hunt, and he's too intelligent a being not to recognize that for himself. From what I've seen, he may be more like the late Caahr than any of the other Hirogen I've met.

=/\=


	83. The Home of Light

=/\=

 **Stardate 54336**

I haven't had the chance - or the heart - to report everything that went on while we pursued Iden's ship. It's all over now, thankfully, but many died during the course of this adventure - mainly, the Hirogen. Only five of the hunters are still alive.

If I hadn't had the opportunity to associate with Donik during the pursuit, I truly would be at a loss to explain how the Hirogen ever progressed enough to travel in space, let alone thrive for centuries and preside over such a huge portion of the Delta Quadrant. Their culture must have deteriorated radically ever since they dedicated their lives single-mindedly towards the Hunt. Caahr was right about that. I think he was also right about the Hirogen not surviving much longer if they continue to expend all of their energies killing other beings and taking their body parts for trophies. It's a shame they didn't utilize the holographic technology the way Captain Janeway intended. If Caahr had lived to show them how they should use it, as a hobby rather than having murder be the purpose of their entire existence, the Hirogen might have rededicated themselves to developing their culture. Instead, they chose to "improve" their holograms to the point they were aware of their prior lives and each painful death. They gave the holograms the gift of sentience, but for such a sadistic reason! Who could ever have anticipated such a thing?

From what I saw of their "Alphas" and "Betas," stupidity seems to be a requirement to lead others in the Hunt. Donik regrets his willingness to follow the orders of his Alpha to modify the programs to the extent he did. Of course, even if he'd refused, other technicians apparently had already gone along with their own Alpha's orders to make the same modifications. The Doctor testified that this was the third facility Iden had attacked to "liberate" its holograms, after he'd killed his own Alpha and escaped in a ship the Hirogen had foolishly equipped with holoemitters, so they could carry on their sadistic, systematic torture of holographic "prey" while traveling around the quadrant looking for organics to hunt. Apparently Iden never made the connection that the Hirogen were brutal to _everyone_ , not just holographic life.

I sympathize with the EMH's concern for holographic rights, but really, he may need a reminder to view "organics" with at least as much sympathy as he does his fellow photonics. He turned his back on everyone on _Voyager_ , including our children, when he defected to the rogue holograms' ship. After the EMH provided him with the command codes to _Voyager,_ Iden came _thisclose_ to blowing up our warp core. Fortunately, B'Elanna had reinforced the force field just in time before he stole her out of Engineering. From Iden's crimes, it's clear holograms are just as capable of harming "the other" as biological beings are. After he left us to Iden's not-so-tender mercies, the Doctor wasn't following his own "do no harm" philosophy, the way he said he "must" four years ago, when he shunted the distasteful duty of destroying my life onto Captain Janeway in order to return Dad and Father to theirs. If not for Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry's assistance in creating twin Tuvixes, so that at least one of us could live on, I wouldn't be here to dictate this log entry.

While it was predictable our Doctor would accept Iden's argument that he was simply fighting for freedom from a photonic rights point of view, giving Iden the command codes to _Voyager_ and transporting himself, along with his mobile emitter, to the renegade holograms' ship when we had injured on board _Voyager_ was simply inexcusable. I would never have believed he was capable of it

The Doctor admitted he'd told Iden B'Elanna was an expert who might be able to help them set up a photonic field generator on their Ha'Dara, their "home of light," which they wished to establish on a Demon Class world. When the captain condemned Iden for his atrocities against the Hirogen and said she wouldn't cooperate with him, he decided the captain "was just like all the other organics" and stole B'Elanna instead. He promised to send her back to _Voyager_ in an escape pod once she'd set up the generator to his satisfaction, but as his megalomania became more obvious to everyone, it seemed less and less likely Iden would honor his promises. And, if _Voyager's_ warp core had blown up, what would he have done with her afterwards, with no ship to return to, a sole "organic." Even if he were willing for her to live with the holograms permanently, how could she survive on a Demon Class world?

While the rogue holograms were heading towards the planet they'd chosen for their Ha'Dara, they encountered a Nuu'bari mining consortium vessel which had three holographic workers on board. Iden stole them. When the organic pilots said they planned to report the theft to their authorities, Iden ended the threat by firing on their vessel and killing them. The abducted holograms, it turned out, did not have the ability to understand what was said to them, beyond a few simple commands, and didn't have the processing capability for their programs to be upgraded. After B'Elanna accused Iden of killing two living beings to liberate mindless machines, he responded by putting her in restraints. Even Kejal, the Cardassian-based hologram who was working with B'Elanna on the photonic field generator project, objected to this, but Iden refused to listen to her.

We didn't know about all of this until we retrieved B'Elanna and the Doctor, of course. We had to repair our ship from the damage it sustained after the EMH's defection and Iden's kidnapping of B'Elanna. Since the two Hirogen ships who retrieved the Hunters from our mess hall made it clear they would treat _Voyager_ and its crew as prey if we tried to interfere with their pursuit of Iden's ship, we couldn't follow them openly. Donik pointed out a weakness in the Hirogen ship's sensor array, however, which gave us the opening we needed. When the two Hirogen ships slipped into a nebula searching for Iden's vessel, _Voyager_ managed to slip into the wake of one without being detected. The captain was sure the best way to find the rogue ship and rescue our crew mates was for the Hirogen to lead us to them. Their sensors were more finely tuned to uncover the location of other Hirogen vessels. All four ships eventually ended up in orbit around the Demon class planet the holograms wished to turn into their "home of light," their Ha'Dara.

After the way the Hirogen Alphas had threatened us, Captain Janeway didn't hesitate to fire on them, to disable their shields and stop them from destroying Iden's ship. Instead of thanking us, Iden fired upon _Voyager_ himself. Then he ordered all of the Hunters on the Hirogen vessels to be transported down to the surface of the planet, along with the photonic field generator which B'Elanna and Kejal had finally made operational. He thanked our EMH for his contributions to his cause by deactivating him and loading his own program into the Doctor's mobile emitter. He wanted to hunt the Hunters himself, to "show them what it was like" to become prey, and led his crew of holograms on a killing spree. B'Elanna finally got through to Kejal and convinced her to shut down the photonic generator and store Iden's "crew" within the rogue ship's computer. Since Iden was wearing the Doctor's emitter, however, he was still roaming free on the surface, killing every Hirogen Hunter he could find. At B'Elanna's suggestion, Kejal sent the Doctor's program to the surface to search for Iden.

With _Voyager's_ shields compromised by Iden's firing on us, coupled with the radiation surrounding the Demon class planet, Captain Janeway was unable to rescue our missing crew by transporting them off Iden's vessel. She sent Commander Chakotay, Father, Tom, and me in the _Delta Flyer_ , with its intact shielding, to rescue them. B'Elanna materialized on the _Flyer_ , but the Doctor did not. He was already on the surface, confronting Iden. The Bajoran hologram taunted the Doctor because his "do no harm" philosophy would preclude him from stopping Iden when he was about to murder the Hirogen Beta he had in his weapon's sights. This time, the Doctor disregarded his Hippocratic Oath. He fired upon Iden with a photonic weapon and deactivated him. The mobile emitter landed on the Demon Class planet's surface, for our EMH to recover.

The three Hirogen ships and _Voyager_ remain in orbit around Ha'Dara. All three ships need extensive repairs, but the two Hirogen _Venatic_ -class ships which had pursued the holoemitter-equipped vessel haven't many crew members left to effect any. Of the thirty-four Hirogen hunters transported to the surface by Iden, only five were still alive for our crew to retrieve. The captain has agreed to help them repair one of their ships, but not both, since we're too busy undoing the damage done to _Voyager._ We don't have B'Elanna's help at the moment, either. With all of the holograms other than Kejal's deactivated, she's gone over with Donik to help Kejal decide what, if anything, can be done to repair the damage done to them by Iden's manipulations.

Tom wasn't happy about his wife's decision. He told her, once she arrived on the _Delta Flyer_ , that she's going to have to "cut down on the traveling if their marriage was going to work. Fortunately, she realized he was simply expressing his love for her as he usually did - with a joke. After the captain allowed him to remain in the _Delta Flyer_ to stand guard over the holograms' vessel until the Hirogen survivor situation was resolved, he was mollified.

I volunteered to stay with Tom, and the captain accepted my offer. Once she decided it was safe enough, she sent Cadet Icheb over, as well. He's at the tactical station right now acquiring valuable field experience by keeping a close eye on the activities on the Hirogen _Venatic_ -class ship that's being repaired by our crews.

The surviving Hirogen remain in Sickbay at the moment. Our EMH is treating their injuries. I don't know how they're taking treatment from a hologram, given Donik's strong negative reaction to him when we first brought him aboard. Frankly, I don't really care if they _are_ uncomfortable, considering the trouble they've caused everyone.

 **Addendum**

The captain has yet to give our EMH _any_ discipline for his actions. I guess her frequently-stated discomfort at what she now sees as a lapse in judgement in providing holographic technology to the Hirogen has something to do with her leniency; but really, she had little choice at the time. The Hirogen could have called in even more reinforcements to break the stalemate on _Voyager._ We were fighting for our lives; and we were, and still are, alone here in the Delta Quadrant. If they had called in other Hirogen ships, they could have easily destroyed _Voyager_ and everyone on it if they decided the fight was no longer worth it to them. That _wasn't_ a situation the EMH was facing. He abandoned all of us and freely gave Iden the tools he needed to destroy us. We are fortunate Iden didn't succeed.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54342**

The five surviving Hirogen hunters are on the way back to wherever they came from in one of their vessels, which we helped them repair. The other one, which was more severely damaged, has crashed onto the surface of the planet. The corpses of twenty-nine Hunters also lie there within its caverns. The Hirogen survivors chose to leave them behind.

Perhaps the story Dad suggested the Beta tell his fellow Hirogen will be more plausible, thanks to that evidence on the planet, should any Hirogen choose to return. When the Beta the Doctor saved wanted to continue pursuing the holograms' vessel, Dad asked him how he wanted his role in this debacle to be remembered. Did he want to be known as the Hirogen who was beaten by holograms, on the verge of death, whose life was saved by _another_ hologram? Or did he want his story to be of the heroic Beta who bravely took over the Hunt and destroyed the rogue holograms and their ship? Another outcome the captain suggested may have tipped the scales: if thirty-four Hunters couldn't capture and destroy one ship of rogue holograms, the five remaining might not survive to tell any tales at all. The Beta complimented the captain (or so she chooses to believe) by telling her, as he climbed onto the transporter pad to return with his four remaining crew mates to their ship, that she would have been "worthy prey."

We stayed in orbit for another day and determined the _Venatic_ -class ship was, in fact, far away from Ha'Dara before we used a tractor beam to drag the holoemitters-equipped ship away from the planet. All the holograms other than Kejal remained in that ship's computer. Neither Kejal nor Donik felt comfortable trying to operate it on their own. If Kejal had been willing to reactivate the Weiss hologram, who was based upon a Starfleet officer and had the ability, they might have simply gone on their own way without our assistance. Kejal admitted that Weiss was almost as fanatical as Iden, however. She decided she would make adjusting his program to be more reasonable a priority, but she needed time to determine how to do that. She will have help. Donik has decided to stay with Kejal to work on restoring the holograms' programs to sentience, but without the hate Iden instilled in them. B'Elanna told us all of the programs are intact in the vessel's computer - except for Iden's. His program was "too damaged to be save." Icheb and Tom both share my opinion. We think his program was deleted, to make sure his megalomania isn't around to distort their programs again.

Earlier today, Seven identified an H-class planet which may suit the hologram's needs even better than Ha'Dara did. We're headed there now, with the holograms' ship in tow. While it's true Kejal and Donik claim not to have the skills to pilot the ship, I believe there's another explanation for their reluctance to travel there on their own. Without their vessel's engines in operation, it will be much harder to trace them to the new planet if the Hirogen decide to pursue them again after all. Donik suggested we approach the H-class planet by traveling through a nebula on the way, to obscure our Starfleet ion trail. The captain honored this suggestion.

 **Addendum**

We've buried the holoemitter-equipped ship inside a cavern underneath the surface of the H-class planet. We'll say good-bye to Donik and Kejal very shortly. The captain has provided them with an abundance of data, including copies of the Starfleet engineering courses provided to Icheb for his studies with Father. They plan to use them as a guide for building the hologram's new society through technology. Donik wants to devote his life to this task, to "compensate" for following his Alpha's orders. He'd told us he always wanted to study engineering and had considered the technician's job as his entrée into the discipline. The Doctor and Seven (reluctantly) shared the experience they had with the Lokirrim, when the Doctor "hid" inside Seven's cortical array. B'Elanna gave them information about several encounters with robotic artificial intelligences, too. Donik was quite taken with this information. It may enable the holograms to travel on the surface of their world someday, without their true nature being detectable by any passers-by.

I suspect Donik may wish to share his life with Kejal, since he seems quite taken with her. This H-class planet is a better option for a Hirogen to live on long-term than a Demon class planet like Ha'Dara would be. He doesn't expect to ever leave. They don't plan on calling their new home by the name Iden had wanted to give it. After what happened there, "home of light" seemed much too positive a name, even though it is might be appropriate for a planet populated primarily by photonic beings. We'll probably never know what they finally decide to call it. Tom jokingly told me they should call it "Hologram's Haven," since it's an H-class world.

We've promised to do one more thing for Donik. The Hirogen still have a few sections of their communication array systems operational, in the immediate vicinity of their original home planet. The captain said she would send a message he gave us to his mother, to let her know that he was not one who perished on the Hirogen training station. Apparently Donik's mother had encouraged him to become an engineer, rather than a Hunter. Donik's father lost his life on the Hunt. He said she wanted her son to be "'something more than a mindless murderer.' I'm sure she'll be pleased I found a way to live my life without ever becoming one."

=/\=

 **Stardate 54347**

We've left the holograms' "Haven" behind. I'm more than a little upset our Doctor hasn't received any sort of discipline at all from the captain, despite the way he endangered all our lives. While he offered to give up his mobile emitter as punishment for his deeds, the captain refused to accept it. I understand her reasoning here. If the EMH needs to administer medical treatment to our crew when they're off the ship, or even if they're within it, if the site-to-site transporter system should be off line for any reason, having the mobile emitter available is a necessity. The injured could not be brought directly to Sickbay. I _don't_ agree with her decision not to restrict his holodeck privileges for an extended period. His recent actions were _way_ over the line of acceptable behavior. Anyone else would have landed in the brig, as Tom did when he took the _Delta Flyer_ without permission and tried to stop the Moneans from ruining their planet. I don't find the EMH's rationale much of an excuse.

Tom and I went to the Doctor and suggested he might voluntarily donate his holodeck time to other crew members who may be short of it, as a form of self-discipline. He's refused. Instead, he told us he wants to investigate ways to encourage organics to accept photonics as people, with the same rights as any other form of sentient life. I have no idea what form of "encouragement" he may have in mind. Even if he programs something that is truly compelling for "organics" to experience, I'd prefer he use his "off-duty" time for some vitally needed self-appraisal.

I've always enjoyed the Doctor's ebullient personality. Even when he's been less than helpful - such as when he gave rather poor advice to Icheb, causing the poor boy to misinterpret B'Elanna's interest in befriending him as inappropriate romantic behavior, which resulted in half the crew on the ship laughing openly at him - I've never thought the Doctor was doing anything deliberately mean-spirited. I can't say that about him this time. Iden came very close to annihilating _Voyager_ and everyone on it. And the EMH, thanks to his ECH training and programming, should have considered this possibility before doing what he did. I'm not happy with him at all right now.

=/\=


	84. Imposters

=/\=

 **Stardate 54395**

The captain and the EMH were traveling to a medical symposium in the _Delta Flyer_ , the first time the Doctor was allowed to participate in anything like this since the "Ha'Dara" incident. Nothing more has been said. Apparently we were all to forget about the way the EMH cooperated with Iden. (When we return to the Alpha Quadrant, I will need to meet some well-respected Bajoran clerics to overcome my current, quite jaundiced view of them. After our experiences with the photonic Iden, who was programmed to be one, and Teero Anaydis, who is presumably an organic, I'm rather leery of them, although I'm sure Iden and Teero are atypical.)

At any rate, the captain returned alone and told Commander Chakotay the EMH was a hostage of a hostile alien race, the R'Kaal, who demanded the captain give them _Voyager's_ warp core. In return, they'd "allow" our crew to settle on an M-class planet. If we didn't cooperate, however, they would destroy us all. The commander was appalled the captain was willing to go along with this form of extortion. As usual, his objections fell on deaf ears. She ordered the ship to assume a heading for the chosen planet. She explained she was "tired" of continually risking everyone's life, since there was only a slim chance of us making it home to the Alpha Quadrant anyway.

The commander didn't think this sounded at all like the captain he'd come to know. He confronted her in her quarters and realized she was an imposter. Her response was to knock him out and hide him in the ship's morgue. The "impostor" turned out to be our EMH. We later learned rogue members of the Hierarchy had captured them. Captain Janeway was the one who was being held hostage on Zet and Nar's ship.

Harry and Father also realized the "Chakotay" who was willing to give up the warp core to the R'Kaal must be an impostor. The Doctor managed to confine Harry in the morgue, but Father avoided capture. Still in his "Commander Chakotay" guise, the EMH ordered us to evacuate _Voyager._ Once everyone was off the ship, he activated his Emergency Command Hologram function to access our command codes and eject the warp core. Using a tractor beam, he dragged it behind the _Flyer_ to Zet and Nar's ship.

Although the aliens had promised to release them both if the Doctor did what he was told, Zet reneged. He decided the EMH was too valuable an asset to let go and planned another little "mission" for him: the impersonation of a high official of the Hierarchy to purloin data that would be "worth a hundred warp cores" when sold to other criminals. Setting this plan in motion, he reprogrammed the EMH to make him look like a Class-One Overseer.

After the warp core had been spirited away, we returned to our crippled ship and discovered Commander Chakotay and Harry. They were still alive, fortunately, and lying on slabs in the morgue. Tom revived them, but without a warp core, rescuing the captain seemed to be an impossible task. Father later told me that during their meeting to decide how to proceed, they realized the annoying music the ship's computer was playing over and over that they couldn't shut down was supposed to be "The Blue Danube Waltz." This rendition had several notes out of place. After Seven commented that our EMH had played the tune flawlessly on the piano the previous week, she thought to analyze the harmonics and discovered the Doctor had left us a very strong clue. Musical notes are in a mathematical relationships to one another, and the "wrong" notes indicated the warp signature of a ship. We quickly located it 6.7 light years away from our current position. _Voyager_ itself only had impulse engines at this point, and the Doctor had taken the _Delta Flyer_ , but we still had a couple of Class-2 shuttles available, and _they_ had warp cores. Tom and I traveled to Zet's ship's coordinates in one of them.

When Zet realized their ruse had been discovered, he released the core, planning to detonate it and destroy our shuttle to allow him to escape. Nar (who isn't that bad a person, he just fell in with a very bad companion) helped the captain and the EMH overpower Zet. We recovered our warp core and promptly returned to _Voyager_ in order to save the EMH. The additional programming Zet had imposed upon the Doctor had badly destabilized his program.

When the Doctor thought his matrix would decompile, resulting in his program's "death," he made a bequest. He asked us to donate his mobile emitter to the Daystrom Institute to see if it could be replicated "to free his brothers from the tyranny of holodecks." Then he made several "deathbed confessions" as his "final words." He admitted he'd kept a record of the captain's "questionable" command decisions from the very beginning of our journey and asked her to delete the file - unread. He also confessed to several breaches of medical confidentiality, including one to Dad about Father, and admitted it was "indiscreet" of him to do so. And then, anticipating his imminent demise, he told Seven he was in love with her.

His program flickered once - and then he reappeared. All the while the Doctor was making his humiliating confessions, B'Elanna was repairing his program. She explained, "Today wasn't a good day for him to die." It was, however, a very good day for him to be acutely embarrassed.

 **Supplemental**

We've transferred custody of the renegade "Overlooker" Zet to the Hierarchy, who have been after him for some time. Apparently even the members of that race, who make their living tricking and stealing technology from other space-faring nations, have _some_ standards of appropriate behavior which Zet had managed to exceed. When they asked about his "accomplice," however, the captain stated that we had been unable to capture him.

That's because we left him on the ship where the captain had been held hostage, and he "got away." Nar wasn't much of a felon. He told Captain Janeway he hadn't particularly liked working for the Hierarchy, let alone Zet. He likes to tinker with various bits of technology to either fix or repurpose it. He is, in effect, more of a trash collector/recycler rather than a criminal. She quite deliberately let him escape. I hope her decision won't be questioned when we return to the Alpha Quadrant, although I must admit, his actions did seem to justify a reward of some kind. Nar shut down the force field to allow the captain and the EMH to overpower Zet, and the Hierarchy may not have been so lenient towards him. I hope this incident has taught Nar to accumulate his "interesting trash" honestly and forego any criminal activities in the future.

I'm not confident the Doctor has learned _his_ lesson yet, however. He seems to have recovered rather quickly from his embarrassment over the revelations made when he thought he was dying. That wasn't a good sign to me, or for the captain, either, apparently. While she didn't have any problems with his actions as the ECH while she was being held hostage by Zet, his revelations regarding the secret file he'd been keeping on her and his lapses in confidentiality finally warranted action. She pointedly did not tell him to erase the file, saying it was "his decision" about how to handle that. She has, however, ordered the "ECH" to accompany Icheb for a series of Ethics lessons with Father. The EMH was quite upset when he learned he would be forced to sacrifice several scheduled holodeck sessions in order to attend them.

It's about time she did something to curb his behavior! I _hope_ this makes him think before he acts in the future - but I'm afraid I still have my doubts.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54422**

We've had another very strange incident on _Voyager_.

Commander Chakotay ordered a change in the resonance of the deflector dish, causing it to be destroyed! I was beginning to wonder if the Doctor had decided to impersonate the commander again, like he did when Zet forced him to steal our warp core, but Icheb disagreed. He was confident there must have been a temporal incident of some kind. He told me that's the only explanation for the commander to order the action that would burn out our deflector dish when the energy wave hit. "How would he know the precise setting if it hadn't happened before?"

I hadn't thought about that until Icheb mentioned it, but he's absolutely correct. I should have come up with that explanation on my own! Instead, I came up with all sorts of silly theories about invisible alien intruders. Maybe I need to ask Icheb to direct _me_ to some of his Academy course material. I may need a refresher course myself in temporal mechanics.

One good thing may have come from this incident. Icheb now knows where the commander's "secret stash" of Antarean ale is located. After Icheb finished working on repairs to the deflector dish, he checked. The ale is where Icheb, Naomi, and Mezoti hid it, right before the commander's order to turn our deflector dish into a "lightning rod" of sorts. Icheb hasn't told me where they hid the ale, though. He doesn't want to "tempt me" to help myself to any.

The scamp.

=/\=


	85. Parenthood

=/\=

 **Stardate 54450**

Dad went all out with the decorations and foods for our Prixin celebration. I wasn't surprised, since it's the first time our young former Borg crew members have had the chance to experience the holiday. As usual, and at Dad's insistence, Father recited the "roll call" of family members at the party. He usually likes to condense this list, but he didn't tonight, in deference to the fact that Icheb and Mezoti had never heard it before. After he finished, Mezoti came to me and gave me a hug and told me we're family, too. Needless to say, I was deeply touched by the gesture.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54452**

Another child will soon be on board! B'Elanna is pregnant!

While Tom and B'Elanna would have preferred to "keep it to themselves" for a while, that didn't happen. Our small ship's ability to spread gossip at light speed worked again. Icheb scanned B'Elanna after she collapsed in Engineering. His initial diagnosis, after discovering another organism inside her abdomen, was that Lieutenant Torres' body had been invaded by a parasite. Seven recognized the true identity of the "parasite" and contacted the Doctor. Icheb was a feeling a little embarrassed when he told Dad about it. "Why do I always misinterpret my perceptions concerning Lieutenant Torres?" he said sadly. Dad comforted Icheb, told him it was "wonderful news," and both of them proceeded to tell everyone about the pregnancy. The story had spread throughout the ship within an hour of the incident in Engineering. Mezoti and Naomi rushed to tell me all about it as soon as they heard.

I understand two betting pools are already in operation. One is about the name the couple will pick for their child (even though no one yet knows the baby's gender). The other concerns the date B'Elanna's baby will arrive. That's not a given for any anticipated birth, of course, but with B'Elanna, it will be even harder to predict. She's about seven weeks along, according to Tom. Klingon pregnancies usually last for 30 weeks, several weeks shorter than a full human's. Because of her mixed heritage, B'Elanna's may be shorter, or even take a little longer, than the Klingon average. Even the EMH doesn't know for sure.

B'Elanna seems a little unnerved by the prospect of parenthood, but once she gets used to the idea, I'm confident she'll be a wonderful mother.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54559**

Now that all the drama is over, we can relax. B'Elanna has recovered from her crisis of confidence. The only reason I know anything at all about what happened is that I was called in to be part of Father's Security team, which helped Tom get inside Sickbay. B'Elanna had locked everyone out to prevent Tom from knowing what she was going to do until it was all over. I know she planned on changing her child's genome, but neither Tom nor B'Elanna have disclosed why. I know it had something to do with not wanting her child to look so Klingon, but whether it involved anything more, I can't say. Icheb and Seven have more information, but they're not saying any more than the EMH himself is. He can't, since it's privileged medical information he isn't authorized to provide (not that that's always stopped him in the past, which is one reason he's had to attend those Ethics lessons with Father). Icheb and Seven say it isn't their place to divulge what they know. I'm curious, but unless the new parents share the details, I guess I'll never find out more.

I do know their baby had a procedure in utero to correct curvature of the spine, a condition which B'Elanna and her mother both had to have corrected through surgery when they were children. This must have triggered her desire to make further changes in her baby. Tom got through to her, however, and B'Elanna now seems very happy and accepting of her prospective offspring.

B'Elanna has asked the Doctor to become her daughter's godfather. He spread that news around as soon as B'Elanna left Sickbay. Of course he said "yes." Dad was a little disappointed, I know, but he can't be the godfather to every child on _Voyager_! I'm not anyone's godfather, not officially, anyway. After Mezoti heard the news, she came to me and said she wanted me to be hers. I told her that this sort of request usually comes from a parent, but Mezoti sniffed that Seven was too busy to take care of it, so she was doing it for her.

Ah, my Mezoti! I am honored she would even think to ask me this. Whatever she wants from me, I'll do it, as long as it's appropriate and in my power to accomplish. We've had a special bond ever since Seven's near-death experience, when we spent so much time together, especially since Icheb almost died then, too. I'm delighted to serve as her "unofficial godfather."

Now that we know female names will be preferred entrants to the naming pool, everyone has an opinion about the one Tom and B'Elanna should choose. They're being inundated with suggestions (probably the same ones each helpful crew member has used as his or her pool entry). Icheb told me, with a sly smile, that he suggested Octavia, a Latin word for the number eight. B'Elanna told him he should save it, in case he becomes a father someday. He's decided not to make it his entry to the Name that Baby pool. Smart boy.

=/\=

 **Supplemental**

Tom told me about going to the Jeffries tube where Father was working the other day and volunteering to help him with his task. Father noted that Tom had never volunteered to assist him in the past and conjectured that Tom had an ulterior motive for showing up the way he did. Tom sheepishly agreed he did and asked him for advice on child rearing. Father, to that point, had not heard about the pregnancy, so Tom was able to inform at least one member of the crew of the upcoming blessed event. Father answered Tom's request by saying his parenting skills have been "dormant" recently, since many years have passed since his children were young, but "Offspring can be disturbingly illogical, yet profoundly fulfilling" and advised Tom to "anticipate paradox." He left open the idea that if Tom had any specific issues to discuss in the future, Father would be pleased to respond. Tom was grateful. "I have a hunch I'll be volunteering to work with Tuvok on a regular basis once the baby arrives."

I assured Tom he was bound to be a very loving father to his daughter. He's had issues with his own father, Admiral Paris, of course, but sometimes learning what not to do from the example set by a parent can be as valuable as following closely in one's footsteps.

That set me to thinking about a lot of things that have happened to me - well, perhaps not to me directly, since my relationships with my female progenitors have necessarily been limited to the memories inherited at the time of my advent. I know how dearly both my parents cherish their memories of their own mothers. Father considers T'Meni the wisest person he ever knew, one reason Sek's decision to name his firstborn daughter after his grandmother pleased Father so much when T'Pel's letter informed of the choice. Dad's memories of his mother are uniformly warm and loving as well, yet both of my parents have reservations about their relationships with their fathers. Dad's was a bit of a rogue. The example he set for his son Neelix may have contributed to the less-than-honorable ways Dad earned his living after he lost his entire family in the Metreon Cascade. While Father would never admit this openly, of course, he's still more than a little bitter about the way his Father sent him to a Vulcan Master when he was a very young man to learn better emotional control. His mother T'Meni hadn't agreed that isolating her son from everyone else was necessarily the best way to handle what Father now perceives as "emotions run amuck," but her husband sent Father away anyway. T'Meni's attempts to discuss alternatives with her husband were dismissed out of hand.

While Father now appreciates the training he received from the Vulcan master and has passed on the meditative techniques he learned from him to me, the abrupt way the decision was conveyed to Father when he was sent for that training is something he's never forgotten. Father has always consulted T'Pel and accepted her advice whenever important decisions regarding their family life needed to be made. Perhaps he learned what _not_ to do from the way his own father handled him at a critical stage in his life. Father's waspishness towards Dad during the times my Talaxian parent is admittedly at his annoying worst may be an unconscious reenactment of my Vulcan grandfather's imperious behavior towards his own son, an adolescent plagued with emotions he desperately needed to learn how to control, training which he _didn't_ receive it from his own male parent. Not that Father could ever admit that, of course.

I'm not quite sure how to view Father's comment to Tom that his parenting skills have been dormant for so long. After all, I'm here. He's had to provide me with the benefit of his teaching and guidance ever since my advent four years ago. I may be making too much of this. I was never a young child to be "reared" in the traditional sense, the way Tom and B'Elanna's will be, or that Sek, Elieth, Varith, and Asil were when Father was home and raising them from infancy. Since the way I was created was very different, I've been an adult biologically from the very first. That doesn't mean I haven't needed Father - and Dad. I always have - and still do.

I've never had the opportunity to observe the natural gestation process. Aimee had already been prematurely expelled from her maturation chamber before I met her in Sickbay, after the EMH had saved her life. Seven's poor, long lost One (may he rest in peace) also developed in a maturation chamber. He became an adult in a day, virtually as soon as I was. Sam gave birth to Naomi before my advent. I had limited contact with her during her first two years. I do what I can for all our children, and so far, if I do say so myself, I've done much more good than bad in the way I've handled such responsibilities. If Tom ever does ask me for guidance, I'll do what I can to drag the information from the memories I may retain from my parents experiences. I'm sure I could handle babysitting for the little one! I'm very grateful to Tom and B'Elanna (and Harry, naturally) for my presence on this ship. I'm happy to help them any way I can.

=/\=


	86. Remorse

**Stardate 54479**

We've answered a distress call from a vessel belonging to a people called the Nygeans. It was a prison ship, so Father has assigned our staff to help the Nygeans guard their prisoners. We've had to improvise a cell block for them, since our brig has insufficient space to confine them while we travel to a location where another vessel can take them on and bring them the rest of the way to Nygea. One of the prisoners is condemned to die once they get there, since he murdered a man. The EMH discovered that he had a brain defect which prevented him from feeling remorse over any of his actions. The Doctor healed him, and Iko's conscience now tortures him. If he hadn't had this defect, he may never have become a murderer, but the only course of appeal was to the family of the man he killed, and they rejected an alteration of his sentence. Their family member will never return to life, but Iko must also die, in "compensation."

I've often been assigned to guard the prisoners in tandem with Crewman Brian Sofin, late of the _Equinox_. Brian has become a trusted member of our department, but he's not looking forward to getting home to the Alpha Quadrant. The _Equinox_ crew members know they will suffer for the crimes against the "Spirits of Good Fortune" their crew killed on that sad ship. During one recent Gamma shift, he told me he sometimes wishes he was one of the "lucky ones" who died when the _Equinox_ first arrived in the Delta Quadrant. "They didn't cause any aliens to suffer, like we did. I hope this journey lasts long enough for Marla to raise Aimee to adulthood - before she finds out what happened. I want to put off the inevitable for as long as possible. Aimee is an innocent, and Marla is making amends for her own actions in the only way she now can."

Brian and the other members of the _Equinox_ crew aren't the only ones who are upset by what's going to happen to Iko. Seven cannot understand why she can be forgiven for her part in the numerous attacks and violent assimilations of entire races by the Borg. The captain has assured Seven that she had no ability to refuse, since she wasn't in control of her own actions while under the domination of the Borg. Seven's conscience still bothers her.

As she pointed out during a recent conversation (when, as she said, Mezoti and Icheb were mercifully nowhere around), she had been fully cognizant of what she was doing when the Borg Queen ordered her to assimilate Species 10026. I countered that Seven still hadn't been in a position to refuse at the time. The Queen was torturing her to force her to do her bidding when fully able to understand what she was doing. She could have reassimilated Seven at any time. "And you did allow four of the people to escape. It may have not been as much as you'd have liked, but you did what little you could to fight the Queen's directive."

I don't know if she accepted this explanation, and although Seven may have thought she was speaking to me in confidence at the time, I wonder if she appreciates the extent of Mezoti's abilities to "read" her thoughts subvocally. I'm sure I could find out if I asked Mezoti, but I will pass on the opportunity. I will respect Seven's wish to keep this knowledge away from Mezoti and Icheb - even though I'm afraid it's impossible.

=/\=


	87. The Children of Voyager

=/\=

 **Stardate 54506**

Today was a very special day. It was Aimee's first birthday! It's also the first anniversary of the day Icheb and Mezoti came to live with us on _Voyager_.

Dad and Naomi made all of the party arrangements, although Crewmen Lessing and Tessoni helped out quite a bit with decorating the mess hall. (Noah is so tall, he can stick things up on the walls without using a ladder much of the time.) There were pink, blue, and silver party balloons and streamers. Dad said the silver was for the Borg, but I think it was really in remembrance of that shiny silver therapeutic suit Seven had to wear during her first weeks on the ship, after her surgery to remove her "unnecessary" implants. Dad served hors d'oeuvres, both savory and sweet, punch, cookies, and a beautiful birthday cake.

Seven knew about the party ahead of time, but it was a surprise for the children and Marla Gilmore. She was touched that this day had been remembered by so many of the crew. Aimee received a pile of presents, clothing and toys, but I think our little girl enjoyed playing with the ribbons on the packages the most. She loved to hit the loops to make them bounce. Dad and I gathered a bunch of them and made a bouquet for Marla to bring back to their quarters. The birthday banner, signed by every one of the crew, went home with them, too.

Icheb and Mezoti didn't expect any special recognition of their "anniversary," but they each received "Certificates of Merit" for "excellence in their studies." The captain also announced that since the exact dates of their births were not recorded anywhere, she would like to record this date as their birthdays as well. Both of them readily agreed. So, Icheb is officially registered in Federation records as a sixteen year old as of today, and Mezoti has reached her ninth birthday.

As soon as they accepted these dates as their "official" birthdays, many of the crew presented the two of them with gifts, too. Father presented "Cadet Icheb" and Mezoti with volumes on Vulcan philosophy and great literature, to enhance their studies. Dad gave them copies of Talaxian folk tales. They weren't aboard during our encounter with the Vaadwaur, but Dad promised to tell them how the tales helped us recognize the dangers that species presented to _Voyager,_ just in time to prevent them from taking over the ship. I gave them presents, too, although I chose to give them "fun" gifts - including several games both can enjoy playing, his own Kal-toh sphere for Icheb, and clay and sculpting supplies for Mezoti. She's shown quite an aptitude for the art.

Mezoti was thrilled to share a birthday with Icheb and Aimee. Naomi sighed and said she wished she did, too - although I think she was joking. Her own birthday is only a little more than a month away. I know Sam and Dad are planning a surprise birthday party for her, too, since the fifth birthday is a milestone one for Ktarian children. Naomi received a Certificate of Merit for her studies today, too, but I'm sure she'll receive many more tangible gifts next month!

Captain Janeway never thought children belonged on a starship, especially one like _Voyager_ , which is cruising through previously unknown space and is often faced with dangers that would give the captain of a Galaxy-class vessel nightmares. It _is_ , as Naomi likes to say, "a small ship." On days like this, though, I see that these young ones - and B'Elanna and Tom's baby, too, once she's born - make our _Voyager_ community a true family. I'm so glad they're here. Our children are our future - especially true for a small ship so far from our Alpha Quadrant home.

=/\=


	88. The Klingon Encounter

=/\=

 **Stardate 54518**

Dad is finally in a relationship again, although it's quite an unexpected one. Who could have expected we would encounter a ship full of full-blooded Klingons traveling through the Delta Quadrant? Dad is very happy with Ch'Rega, who seems just as delighted with her "little warrior." I'm sorry she's going to leave the ship when we arrive at the planet the captain and Seven have found on which the Klingons will settle. They haven't much choice. Their ship exploded, which is why they all came to stay _Voyager_. While it would be nice to have a few remain as members of our crew, to replace a few who we've lost, there are far too many of them to accommodate on our ship long term. They claim they don't want to return to the Alpha Quadrant anyway. They left because the Empire had "lost its way." They want to establish a new Empire, one in which the old ways will be revered and followed in the manner their ancient sacred scrolls dictate.

While Dad is enjoying himself, he's one of the few who is. Our crew has had to double and triple up to provide beds for everyone. Two families are currently occupying my quarters, and I'm bunking with Father, along with Dad - and Ch'Rega, much of the time. Father is, shall I say, less than pleased with our entire little family living so cozily in his personal quarters. Having an overnight visitor rubs salt in the wound!

=/\=

 **Stardate 54529**

We've had quite a time of it with the Klingons. They all have an inherited illness called the _nehret,_ which has always been fatal to a victim once its symptoms have appeared. Their sacred scrolls predicted that they would eventually find a cure when they discovered their _kuvah'magh_ , who would lead them to their new home "after two warring houses make peace," and "before I know the world." This seems to be the reason the Klingons' great-grandparents began their epic journey into the Delta Quadrant. Their current leader Kohlar decided that B'Elanna's pregnancy met the criteria mentioned in the scrolls. The Klingon Empire and the Federation have made peace decades ago, long after the generation ship left the Alpha Quadrant. And a child in the womb, obviously, does not yet "know the world."

We didn't know anything about the _nehret_ when we allowed the Klingons to come on _Voyager,_ but even worse, we couldn't anticipate they'd blown up their own ship to force us to take them aboard once they'd met up with us. While Kohlar and many of his people have been cooperative, expressing thanks to us for allowing them sanctuary, some of them are, to put it mildly, obnoxious. When T'Greth, the leader of a group of dissidents found out Tom was the baby's father, and that the baby was thus three-quarters human, he dared to call her a "mongrel child." That didn't endear him to either parent. A few days later, he challenged Tom to a duel to the death with _bat'leths_ . Captain Janeway immediately vetoed a battle to the death, even though Tom was willing to accept those terms. Instead, the duel would be lost by the first combatant to land on the deck three times. Tom won the match, somewhat to B'Elanna's surprise, although not to his. The true reason for T'Greth's collapse was the symptoms of _nehret_ overcame him. That's when the Doctor discovered the grim fate that awaited the entire group - and B'Elanna and her baby, too. They'd contracted the disease from the Klingons.

The fact T'Greth was fatally ill didn't stop him from attempting to take over _Voyager._ His _coup d'etat_ was almost successful. Most of our crew was transported down to the surface of the planet chosen to be the Klingon's new homeworld before we realized what was happening. The rebel group was unable to overcome those of us on the bridge at the time of their treachery, however, and we were able to prevent the takeover.

When T'Greth awoke in Sickbay after he was overcome during the fighting, the Doctor took great pleasure in informing him that he had been cured of the _nehret_. After B'Elanna and her baby had become infected with the disease, the Doctor realized that the human stem cells the baby possessed in her unborn body might provide a treatment. T'Greth's cure came courtesy of the much-despised "mongrel child," thanks to the part of her genome inherited from her human father. (T'Greth never even said he was grateful - the brute!)

Kohlar did express gratitude, however. He presented B'Elanna with an antique _bat'leth_ given to him by his own great-grandfather, one of those who'd taken a chance on traveling towards the Delta Quadrant to seek the fulfillment of the scroll's promise of healing - if they'd undertake the journey. B'Elanna thanked him graciously for this gift to her unborn child. It was a wonderful gesture by Kohlar, although I'm afraid B'Elanna will have quite a time preventing Tom from slipping off with it to use it on the holodeck.

Dad was very sorry to say goodbye to Ch'Rega. I think he would have liked for her to stay with him on _Voyager._ He says he's happy on this ship and enjoys my company, even though I'm only "half Talaxian," but I know he's lonely. He hasn't met another full-blooded member of his people in years. Seeing Kes again last year was more a painful reminder of her loss than a comfort. While it may have been difficult for Dad to keep up with Ch'Rega if she'd chosen to remain on board, I'm sure he'd have willingly taken on the challenge.

Now, was the sect's encounter with us foreordained, or was it all simply a matter of chance? Were the sect's sacred scrolls truly predictive of what was to happen, or was Kohlar's "interpretation" of what the scrolls had to say a creative way of ending a journey that had become impossible to sustain much longer, given their aging vessel? Is _Voyager's_ as-yet-unborn baby really the _kuvah-magh?_ A legend which accidentally became fact, or is she the fulfillment of a genuine religious prophecy? Who knows?

One thing I do know, however, is that this "visit" by the Klingons may have a lasting effect upon two members of _Voyager's_ crew. Tom told me tonight that their studies of the scrolls in the database, along with those Kohlar shared with them, will not end now that we've left the Klingons behind. They plan to share what they learn with their daughter as soon as she's old enough to understand. Tom said, "Since the majority of those on board this ship are human, our daughter will have ample opportunity to learn about that part of her heritage, but she'll only have B'Elanna and me to guide her about her grandmother Miral's beliefs. After B'Elanna's experience with whatever happened on the Klingon Barge of the Dead, we want our daughter to know and revere that part of herself as well. It's only right."

Sometimes I think Tom should have been born a Klingon himself. He's certainly shown an appreciation for his late mother-in-law's culture more than B'Elanna ever has. Hopefully, with their commitment to bringing up their daughter to honor her entire heritage, that will change.

=/\=


	89. The Void (Redux)

=/\=

 **Stardate 54548**

Naomi _loved_ her fifth birthday party. We had to do it big, since we'd made such a fuss over Aimee's and decided Mezoti and Icheb should share it for their own "official" birthdays, too. Dad went all out for his goddaughter's big day. He served all of her favorite foods. She was showered with gifts more appropriate for the child she's become. She's really not such a little girl anymore. While she's still quite close to Mezoti in many ways, I can see more signs of the woman Naomi will someday become than I do in her friend, who is "officially" almost twice her age.

Sam explained that the fifth is a "milestone" birthday for Ktarians. She sounded rather melancholy as she described the special activities a five-year-old Ktarian participated in on that day. Greskrendtrek sent a very nice video to Naomi in the last datastream, which included views of many of them as a gift for her. Naomi shared it with Dad and me. It was impossible to ignore how sad Gres looked as he introduced each one to his daughter. When he wished her the "happiest of fifth birthdays," it was clear his unvoiced wish was to have been lost with his wife and daughter in the Delta Quadrant, on this day, of all days. From the expression Naomi had on her face, she didn't have to hear him say that to know it was true.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54668**

This will be my last entry in my log until we are back in normal space again.

We've discovered another "Void," and we don't have any idea how to get out of it. The captain has reached out to the people on other ships who are lost in here. Up to now, it's apparently been a dog-eat-dog, survival of the fittest type of existence for any crew unlucky enough to land in here. Lack of resources, particularly energy, will present a serious problem to us. The captain is adamant that we'll trade with other ships, but we won't attack anyone for what they have, the way other ship's crews have done.

Forgoing personal log entries isn't that much of a sacrifice for me. I still have the paper diary and writing implements from when _Voyager_ went into "grey mode," just before Seven discovered the Demon planet where we left our clones after refueling. If I do have any deathless thoughts to record until we're out of here, I'll put them in the diary.

When we get out of here. Not "if."

=/\=

 **Stardate 54577**

We're free of the Void, thanks to the captain's diplomatic skills. Not of the gunboat variety, this time, but true, Federation-style alliances to promote the greater good.

I sound like a Starfleet public relations flack here, and I don't want to seem flippant. The truth is, many of the other stranded crews were surviving through piracy, raiding other ships to steal their resources, since none were available within this Void. No planets, no asteroids - nothing of any value could be found there. It truly was a completely empty void in space.

Many other ships had been dragged through a gravity well into this realm of darkness, so reminiscent of the one we encountered about three years ago. That time, however, our twin enemies were the distance we'd need to travel to get to the other side and poisonous radiation. The latter was not a natural phenomenon, but the consequence of the Malon's dumping of their radioactive waste there, because it was cheaper than finding a way to recycle it, as we do on _Voyager_. This experience was uncomfortably close to when Father, Tom, and our EMH fell through a gravity well and onto the planet with the skewed time differential. Once we'd fallen in, we didn't have the resources to extricate ourselves for a return to normal space, especially once raiders stole almost all of our food and energy supplies soon after we arrived.

Our captain convinced others to work with us, to pull everyone out of the well. Not everyone cooperated. Those that did were rewarded when a funnel formed like the one that had dragged us into the Void, and our coalition of vessels was able to break free. The ones who preferred to remain and prey on other victims of the gravity well are still there - if their ships survived. They fought us to try to prevent our escape. I can't say I wish them luck. They don't deserve any.

We're heading now for a source of deuterium to replenish our supplies. Fortunately, there's a Demon Class planet 6 light years away that is awash with it. While we recovered about half of the resources we'd lost in raids, we used up a lot of energy during our escape. We need to refuel. We're not as short of power as we were on several other occasions, but our mineral and food supplies are in short supply. I suspect Dad will be going off on a mission with Commander Chakotay very shortly. We do have some items we can spare with which to trade.

 **Supplemental**

The commander just came to see me and told me he "hadn't forgotten" his promise to include me in a trading mission. He asked me if I'd like to come along this time. Harry has already agreed to go with Dad and the commander. I doubt the opportunity would have arisen if Tom wasn't reluctant to leave his pregnant wife for almost a week, the length of time we anticipate the trip will take. I'm not complaining, though. I jumped at the chance. The _Delta Flyer_ departs at 0800 tomorrow morning, and I'll be on it.

=/\=


	90. Do You Know Who You Are?

=/\=

 **Stardate 54585**

Our trading mission with the Nar Shaddon was very successful. The _Delta Flyer's_ hold is completely filled with food and other supplies, although we chose not to trade for any _falah_ nectar. Harry is presently a little under the weather, since he drank some when our trading partners offered the beverage to us. It turned out to have been made of meat by-products, and it contained parasites. Fortunately, I refrained from imbibing. It smelled awful.

We've arrived at the coordinates set for our rendezvous with _Voyager_. There's no sign of our ship, but there are ribbons of energy in the region which appear to be the remnants of a subspace explosion. We haven't detected any debris that appears to have come from our ship, however. We're hoping it won't be damaged when we do find it.

 **Supplemental**

It took a while, but eventually we discovered _Voyager_ hidden inside a nebula. It was in bad shape. The only being in residence was our Doctor, in ECH mode, trying to fix the ship all by himself. Without anyone to help, he was bound to fail. While the four of us worked with him on the necessary repairs, the Doctor relayed to us what had occurred. _Voyager_ ran into a subspace mine, which flooded the ship with tetryon radiation. To protect the crew, Captain Janeway activated the Doctor's ECH function and ordered all organic crew members into escape pods and shuttles to abandon ship until the ECH could dispel the poisonous radiation. Once the ECH was alone, however, he had to fight off scavengers who said _Voyager_ was derelict and therefore fair game to be claimed by "anyone." The ECH managed to escape them when he flew the ship hidden inside the nebula.

While _Voyager_ is now clear of radiation, many of the ship's functions are still disabled. Even if the ship was fully operational, some of the scavengers have been hanging around the nebula, waiting for the ship to leave so that they could attack it again. Since we hadn't encountered any ships on our way into the nebula, it's possible they've given up for the time being. It won't be easy to fight them off with only five crew members on board, but five is certainly a better ratio against attackers than a single crew member would be.

The Doctor believes the scavengers are the ones who positioned the mine in subspace. He took readings of their weapons' signatures and discovered they match the mine's.

The Doctor hasn't heard from anyone since the crew abandoned ship.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54598**

While many repairs still need to be made, our primary systems have been restored. We've left the nebula and instituted a search for our people. As of today, we still haven't heard from any of our own people, nor have we been able to trace the path of any of the shuttles or escape pods. We've confirmed the Doctor's hypothesis that the raiders set the subspace mine _Voyager_ hit in place. Fortunately, none were waiting for us when we left the nebula. Is it possible they've kidnapped our crew and taking them somewhere? We're very concerned, but all we can do now is try to trace them to their present location - assuming they're all alive.

 **Supplemental**

We're relatively sure we've found our crew on an M-class planet, an approximate three day journey at maximum warp from our current position. We're headed there now. From our readings, it appears they're all there. I hope everyone is okay. I'm very worried about the children. They must be very frightened.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54609**

We've arrived at Quarra and learned that all of our missing crew members are accounted for and living on the planet's surface. The commander contacted the Quarren ambassador, who confirmed that individuals with the same names as our missing crew members are residing on his planet, but he's refused to allow us to speak with any of them. According to him, planetary officials have interviewed them all, and no one recalls being members of the crew of a ship called _Voyager_. He has no explanation for the coincidence that we knew all their names. He _did_ accuse us of trying to pilfer workers from his planet and brusquely ordered us to leave orbit.

Dad had previously discovered evidence that a severe labor shortage existed in this region of space. We've floated several unpalatable theories about what's really going on here. The idea that our crew has been kidnapped and forced to work on Quarra seems to be the most likely. A powerful shield grid surrounds the planet, which suggests they might be incarcerated in prison camps of some sort.

The five of us came up with a plan of action. The commander and Dad will travel to Quarra in Dad's ship, the _Baxial_ , and say they're seeking work. Volunteers would presumably not be subject to imprisonment, but the Doctor has provided subdermal transponders which will permit us to transport them through the Quarren shield grid in an emergency. Since the ambassador saw Commander Chakotay's true face, our EMH has provided him with a new one, courtesy of his formidable plastic surgery skills. Harry, the Doctor, and I will remain on the ship to continue working on repairs and to support Dad and the commander if necessary.

 **Supplemental**

I hope the commander and Dad are having more luck on Quarra than I am on board _Voyager_. Harry and the Doctor - pardon, the "ECH" - both are demanding to be in command of the ship. Unfortunately, Commander Chakotay had not specifically assigned command to anyone before leaving for the planet. When the Doctor and Ensign Kim began to argue about who was more qualified to be in charge, I had to pull rank and take command myself as senior officer. I pointed out that while I carry the rank of lieutenant, junior grade, Harry is an ensign, and the ECH is in command only _in extremis_ , when no one else capable of command is available. I thanked the Doctor for his service when he piloted _Voyager_ into the nebula to hide it from the pirates, but now there _are_ other officers available to command the ship. Since Lieutenant Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Ayala are both absent, I'm the ranking officer in the Security and Tactical Division. I also happen to have the knowledge and memories of all the training possessed by this ship's Second Officer. Clearly, I'm the most qualified for command at this time.

The Doctor was not pleased but bowed to my rationale; Harry was resigned. (I refrained from mentioning the _Nightingale_ incident, which had caused so many problems for _Voyager_ from the Annari when they perceived an alliance with the Kraylor, but Harry undoubtedly "got it.") Thankfully, the debate has ended. I was beginning to wish the commander had asked me to join him and Dad to search for the rest of our crew on Quarra and let Harry and the Doctor haggle over who was in command in _my_ absence.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54619**

Commander Chakotay is still on Quarra, but Dad has returned with B'Elanna in tow. I say "in tow" because she fought Dad tooth and nail, as the saying goes, when he retrieved her. She has no memory of any of us, or of _Voyager_. Dad said that he met several members of the crew in a power plant on the planet, including Tal Celes and Ensign Mulcahey, but none of them knew him. The commander met the captain, but she showed no signs of recognition when they spoke, either. Dad spoke with Tom, who was working in a bar. While Tom was his jovial self, he didn't remember Dad or the commander, either.

The Doctor's preliminary examination of B'Elanna has disclosed evidence of extensive memory tampering. Some details remain in place, such as her name and her training as an engineer, but she insists she arrived on Quarra to find work after the father of her baby abandoned her. She'd just left the bar where Tom was working, Dad told me, but neither of them seemed to have any idea of their true identities and relationship to one another. So our fellow crew members aren't prisoners, exactly. They're the victims of identity theft, and they have absolutely no idea that it's happened.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54620**

B'Elanna is not at all happy about being torn away from her "job responsibilities" on Quarra. While B'Elanna has always been dedicated to her responsibilities on our ship, her insistence that we send her back to Quarra suggests that in addition to the removal of many of her memories, false ones have been implanted.

She believes she originated on a planet called Earth and came to this system to find a job because so few existed there, which was horribly polluted and grim. B'Elanna only lived on Earth briefly, when she visited her father's relatives as a child, and for an additional two years while she attended Starfleet Academy. Although Earth _has_ suffered from a series of environmental crises during its past history, its current environment is clean. The living standard of its populace is considered to be the standard of excellence in the quadrant. The people of other planets have joined the Federation, in large part, to share Earth's prosperity.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54623**

I had been more than a little upset when Captain Janeway allowed the Doctor to retain his ECH program abilities after some of his recent questionable actions. Her decision has turned out to be the correct one. He saved _Voyager_ while we were away on the trading mission to the Nar Shaddon, and he proved his worth again today. Two Quarren patrol ships attacked _Voyager_. The ECH pulled an obscure tactic from the database to use against them. He fired a photon torpedo between the patrol ships and exploded it with a phaser blast, damaging both, which permitted us to flee. We couldn't retrieve Commander Chakotay, however, because five more Quarren vessels were coming after us. On the ECH's recommendation we found a moon with a para-magnetic core, which masks our energy signature. We're nestled inside a deep crater and are continuing to make necessary repairs. As far as we can tell, our presence here has not yet been detected.

Right now, Harry and I comprise the entire repair crew, as the ECH has resumed his EMH duties to treat B'Elanna for her memory gaps. Her memory centers have been radically altered through very sophisticated techniques which block most of the engrams concerning her past history. Others have been, for lack of a better term, "injected" with fabricated ones. The ones containing her technical knowledge are completely unaffected, and in some cases, may have even been enhanced by her experience working in the Quarren power plant. The EMH has no doubt we'll be able to effect a cure, but it may take some time to accomplish.

As part of her therapy, the Doctor brought her to the quarters she shares with Tom. She was surprised when she saw the crib all set up for their anticipated offspring, but the real shock came when she saw images of the friendly bartender on Quarra. She thought he was a stranger; now she knows he's her husband and the father of her unborn child.

Dad found her in the Mess Hall this evening reading from a PADD. He assumed she was reading her own personal logs to help restore her memory, but he was surprised to discover she was actually reading Tom's. "He really loves me," she said to Dad, with a tone of "wonderment." I'm not sure if there was any sort of ethical breach when she obtained her husband's logs instead of her own. Husband and wife vow to share their lives with each other, so perhaps not. If reading his logs helps her regain her precious memories of their life together, I'm sure Tom won't mind.

 **Supplemental**

Commander Chakotay contacted us briefly through his subdermal transponder and provided us with the coordinates of a gap in the shield grid surrounding Quarra, which we can use to extract our crew members. We're heading there now.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54626**

It's all over. We've recovered everyone. The EMH is busy restoring their memories. It hasn't been easy. He has over a hundred and forty people to treat. Fortunately, he's developed techniques through working with B'Elanna that's enabling him to break through the memory blockages much more quickly than he did for her. Most of the crew are aware of their true identities. Their main problem now is distinguishing the false engrams the insidious Dr. Kadan had inflicted upon them from the ones they've acquired through their true life experiences.

As we approached the coordinates Commander Chakotay had given to us, Captain Janeway contacted us through a subspace transceiver from inside the Central Power Facility. The captain didn't recognize Harry or me, but when B'Elanna came into view and called her "captain," she realized the fantastic things "Amal Kotay," A.K.A. Commander Chakotay, had been telling her must be true. He wasn't with her during the transmission, however. Dr. Kadan had taken him away to a hospital for "treatment," which the Doctor immediately realized meant his memory was being altered. An Inspector Yerid and Seven had gone to the hospital to rescue him. Before our conversation was finished, the transmission broke off.

Three ships came at us. While Commander Chakotay had given us the coordinates for the "break in the shield grid," he'd been forced to provide them by Dr. Kadan. It was a trap. Harry came up with a plan to protect us, however. We established a dampening field around the briefing room to mask our life signs, and we launched three of our remaining escape pods. The attacking ships took the bait. When they were close enough, I ordered all three to self-destruct. The resulting explosions took out the attacking vessels. On the surface, the captain made the power plant computer think the core was going to overload (a mistake she'd made accidentally on her first day of work), which forced it to shut down. That, along with the damage to the grid sustained by the escape pod explosions, caused the shield grid to fail.

As soon as we saw it was down, Harry and I rushed back to the bridge and began to transport our crew back up to _Voyager_ as quickly as we could identify where they were situated. It was extremely difficult for our crew members, but most especially, to the children. Marla Gilmore had been caring for Mezoti and Icheb, along with little Aimee. Sam and Naomi Wildman lived in the same apartment block. They'd been programmed with memories that they were lifelong friends. While we rescued all of them at the same time, it was a severe shock to them when they discovered the truth. Seven had already regained wisps of memory, but when she was reunited with Mezoti and Icheb, it was a rude awakening for her, too.

I'm going to see Father now. He's in Sickbay, under sedation. The memory "enhancements" didn't work for him any better than the Doctor's anti-assimilation vaccine did when he joined the captain and B'Elanna on the Class-4 Tactical Cube at the time of the Unimatrix Zero action. Dr. Kadan had operated on him several times after Father's true memories began to break through and into his consciousness. Our Doctor has decided he will need to be much more careful reversing the effects of Dr. Kadan's treatments to Father than he has with everyone else. He's asked me to come sit with Father for a while, to comfort him in case he awakens unexpectedly.

Fortunately, Commander Chakotay, Seven, and Lieutenant Ayala have recovered sufficiently by this time to assume bridge duty, along with Harry. We'll remain in orbit around Quarra for several more days, since Inspector Yerid requires testimony from many of our crew mates to convict Dr. Kadan and his cohorts for their crimes. The inspector believes they may have kidnapped thousands of travelers who were merely passing through the region. Many of them still have no idea their true identities and lives have been stolen from them.

 **Supplemental**

I spoke with the captain this morning. She's a little shaky, and her memories have returned in large part, although she admitted she sometimes has difficulty separating the memories of the Kathryn who worked in the power plant from those belonging to Kathryn Janeway, captain of _Voyager_. She became very close to a man named Jaffen while she was on Quarra and has invited him to visit _Voyager_. She will meet with the Quarren ambassador and Inspector Yerid later today. Yerid will be an honored guest, but the ambassador will have a LOT of explaining to do. A number of governmental systems apparently were in collusion with Dr. Kadan and the pirates who attacked _Voyager_ during our trading mission with the Nar Shaddon. They had quite a sweet operation going. The raiders attacked ships with tetryon subspace mines, "rescued" their crews when they abandoned ship, and transported them to Quarra to Dr. Kadan's clinic. The pirates claimed the "derelict" ships and any goods within them for their payment. Since some of those ships carried valuable cargo, they were doing very well for themselves until they made the mistake of attacking _Voyager_.

Dr. Kadan diagnosed everyone with Dysphoria Syndrome, a condition which had always been exceedingly rare on Quarra until Dr. Kadan hit upon it to justify his treatments. It was the perfect cover for invading the minds of his victims to steal away their pasts. Dr. Kadan handed all of his "healed patients" over to employers in collusion with his crime syndicate. Since the majority of our crew is in Operations and possesses so much engineering knowledge, and even members of our crew who aren't assigned to the Operations Division have been cross-trained to assist with repairs in an emergency, virtually all of them ended up in the Central Power plant. Its supervisor was Dr. Kadan's primary partner.

Amusingly, Icheb was deemed "too young" to work in the plant because of the background radiation within the building. He was employed in a day care center provided to the plant employees. Aimee was enrolled there, and Naomi and Mezoti both when there for an "after school program" that consisted primarily of their providing additional manpower in the toddler rooms. Icheb, of course, could have instructed many of the plant's employees on the proper way to complete their tasks. Seven was placed in a middle-management job as an efficiency expert!

All of the employees received anti-radiation shots. While that may have been their main purpose, the EMH's analysis has revealed the shots also contained a memory-suppression component. If an employee didn't receive the shots regularly, true memories could resurface. Whenever a patient's suppressed memories did break through to reassert themselves, the diagnosis of Dysphoria Syndrome permitted Dr. Kadan to treat the patient's "delusions," long established as a symptom of the disorder. Father spent days in the hospital because his "marvelous Vulcan brain," as our EMH once put it, resisted the techniques which blocked his true memories. As we learned after Father was attacked by the Ba'Neth, the Vulcan brain has the capacity to restructure itself after injury. I understand both Vorik and Vania, our former Maquis Vulcan/Romulan member, had also been held in the clinic for several days because they'd exhibited the same break-through memories as Father. Their brains were healing so rapidly, Dr. Kadan had to keep them under sedation in his clinic because he couldn't prevent their memories from coming back. They're doing very well and have returned to active duty. Of course, they're much younger, and neither of them has suffered as many insults to the brain as Father has during the last six years.

The EMH has placed Father in a drug-induced coma. He told me he want to be "very careful" treating him. I must accept what the Doctor says. He's well aware of my ongoing concerns regarding Father's mental health. Haranguing the EMH again about it is pointless.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54627**

I was on duty at the main Tactical station when Commander Chakotay brought Jaffen by to meet us. He seems like a very nice man. He was toting a big sack which contained the captain's "art collection" of various bits of technology. When Jaffen questioned her about her "junk," she countered that all the pieces were "beautiful." He brought them to her so that she would remember him. From what I hear, she won't have any trouble doing that. I also heard the captain offered him a position as an engineer on _Voyager_. Since their personal relationship would have to end if he came under her command, however, he's decided to remain on Quarra. He's accepted a promotion to plant supervisor. Since the one in league with Kadan and the pirates has been incarcerated, along with rest of the criminal conspiracy, "there was an opening." Jaffen, I understand, never was subjected to any memory tampering. The Norvalen really did come to Quarra to improve his career chances.

Yerid told the captain during their meeting that the thousands of other workers who were illegally conscripted by the conspirators have been contacted and will be repatriated, if they wish. A few have elected to remain on Quarra "for the time being" to work, but on a totally voluntary, non-memory-impaired basis. The ambassador apologized profusely for what happened to us on Quarra. He still claims not to have known anything at all about this. I'm not sure I believe him. Chief Inspector Yerid has also been promoted. He's now in charge of restructuring the Security Forces to expel anyone who may have been in league with Dr. Kadan's syndicate. The captain trusts him to do the right thing. I certainly hope so. He's shown a lot of integrity by continuing to investigate the situation, even after his own Chief Inspector took him off the case. As the saying goes, he "smelled a rat" and found dozens of them. Maybe hundreds.

 **Supplemental**

I've recommended that Harry and the EMH/ECH receive commendations from Starfleet for their exemplary service to our crew during this trying period. (I chose not to divulge anything about the sniping over who should be in charge, although I think the captain suspects something of the sort went on.) She's not only agreed with my recommendations, Captain Janeway plans to bestow commendations on Dad, Commander Chakotay, and me, too.

Obviously, I'm pleased. I hope Father will be, too - once he awakens.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54629**

The EMH brought Father out of his drug-induced coma this morning. The Doctor told me Father's memories are now all intact. He seems much better, although I'm not as sure as the EMH that he's truly back to normal. Most of the crew experienced a degree of mental "fogginess" for a few days after receiving their treatments, however, and the EMH is the expert. If I do detect any symptoms of trouble, I will report them to the Doctor. He told me that would be wise.

=/\=


	91. Another Celebration

=/\=

 **Stardate 54655**

Mezoti asked me to come with Naomi and her to Holodeck 2 this evening. She told me they wanted to visit the Fair Haven program, but Seven, Sam, and Icheb had all begged off because they had something to do they felt was more pressing. I didn't see why the girls needed me to come with them. They've gone there on their own many times, which is fine as long as the program safeties are in operation. Mezoti begged me to come tonight. "It's always more fun when your with us," she said. I chuckled and replied that I was sure that wasn't true; but secretly, I couldn't help but be very pleased.

When we arrived at the station, half the crew was there to shout out, "Happy Advent-day!" to me. Naturally, Seven, Sam, and Icheb were all in the front row of the gathering. I was very embarrassed, because with all that's going on lately, I hadn't remembered my own personal anniversary had arrived. The residents of Fair Haven greeted me heartily, too, although Seamus and Milo were confused about what an advent-day was. To them, Advent constituted the four Sundays before Christmas, when the good Father's sermons tended to be even more interminable than they usually are. When I explained it was another term for birthday, they nodded sagely and asked when I expected to arrive at Sullivan's Pub, since they were feeling "powerfully thirsty." I let them know I had to spend time with my young friends first. A few minutes later I observed them arm and arm with "young Harry," who was going to "buy them a few" until I got there.

The girls and Icheb had set up several games that were more appropriate for a child's party than a mature gent like me, including a game of Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Comet and the breaking of a piñata. I didn't mind taking part in each one. I was delighted they'd gone to so much trouble to throw me my very own "milestone fifth birthday party." The nature of the activities didn't matter. We finally all repaired to the pub for refreshments. The adults had ale, but Michael (prompted by Captain Janeway, I'm sure) had thoughtfully placed milkshakes and ice cream sodas on the bill of fare for the children or anyone else who preferred to avoid the "stronger" beverages. Naturally, there was also "advent-day cake," coffee, and tea available. Seven consumed a shake spiked with a nutritional supplement. I didn't bother to ask which number it was, but I noticed she also managed to consume a tiny sliver of the cake, pronouncing it "satisfying." I saw the way she glared at the Doctor while she was eating it, as if daring him to ask her about the way it tasted. I took this to mean that Mezoti and Icheb's suggestion her description of meals to the EMH after the Lokirrim incident was not, as I had first presumed, a totally altruistic activity.

The party ended shortly after the Beta shift crew arrived. They congratulated me and sat down to partake of a bit of cake before parking themselves at the bar for a prolongation of the festivities on a more informal basis. I didn't mind. By the time we left, Father was already on the bridge covering Gamma shift. Dad and I dropped off Sam and Naomi at their quarters. After Dad said good night to us, he slipped off to the Mess Hall to make sure his pre-breakfast preparations were complete, while I walked Seven, Icheb, and Mezoti to "Borg Central." When we arrived, Mezoti asked me if I'd had a good time. I replied I'd had a simply _spendid_ time. She remarked that no one had given me a present. "Oh, this may have only been my fifth birthday, but I _am_ officially grown-up. Spending time with my family and my friends on _Voyager_ was a wonderful gift."

"You need a real present, too," she stated firmly. Mezoti ran behind the line of regeneration alcoves and retrieved a large box, wrapped in pretty paper and adorned with a large bow. "I made this for you," she said, smiling a little more shyly than she usually did.

The box contained one of her lovely sculptures. It was a self-portrait, and it was quite the best she'd ever done. I was speechless for a moment; then I set it gently on the floor and gave her a hug of thanks. Her smile broadened until I thought it was the warmest I'd ever seen on her face, which lasted until Seven hustled her up to the platform to begin her regeneration cycle.

After Icheb had begun his own cycle, Seven returned to my side and murmured to her children, "Sleep tight: don't let the bedbugs bite." I chuckled softly and told her that this was one of my best _days_ ever, let alone my best advent-day.

Seven turned to me and said, "And you deserve it, 'godfather.'"

Need I add that this was the best present of all?

=/\=


	92. Fantasies of the Unhealthful Kind

=/\=

 **Stardate 54681**

Our plans for B'Elanna and Tom's baby shower are all set. The refreshments and the decorations will be even more spectacular than the ones for our recent birthday/advent-day celebrations. We've decided to decorate in the morning, right after the breakfast rush, just in case B'Elanna decides to take hers in the mess hall that day instead of their family quarters, as she usually does. Tom has already told them she'll be suspicious when he offers to walk her to the Mess Hall for lunch. They almost always just meet there, so he's sure she'll know something is up. Dad suggested he could call her and tell her something in the kitchen had shorted out and needed her "magic touch" before the crew comes for lunch, but we've decided against it. If she suspects, she suspects. I understand not everyone is fond of a surprise baby shower anyway.

Naomi is very excited that another baby soon will be born on _Voyager_. Mezoti has been a little distracted during the past few days, however. I wonder why? I tried to talk to her about it today, but she told me there wasn't anything wrong that I could do anything about. I made her promise to tell me if there is anything I _can_ do. She said she would.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54684**

The shower for Tom and B'Elanna's baby was just lovely. The crew showered them with all sorts of very useful and lovely presents. Mezoti and Naomi handed each present to the expectant parents and made a list of everything they received, making sure the name of the giver was noted. "For the thank you notes," Mezoti solemnly told me.

Icheb provided some of the entertainment. He's been taking a course in "Great Literature of Federation Worlds" and quoted from Shakespeare, T'Hain's "Dictates of Poetics" - and from "Winnie the Pooh." Icheb has developed quite a love of children's books ever since he worked in the day care center on Quarra. When he told Tom and B'Elanna he'd be happy to babysit the baby after she's born, Mezoti and Naomi chimed in that they'd be happy to babysit, too.

B'Elanna and Tom haven't let anyone know their daughter's name as ofyet. Tom suggested we set up a betting pool about it and was disappointed to hear one already existed. He was even less enthused when he realized he wouldn't be able to participate. He had to admit he would have "inside information - and I'm not sharing, so don't ask!"

Except for the crew members on duty, just about everyone was there. I didn't see Seven, although she wasn't in Astrometrics. She's been spending an inordinate amount of time on the holodeck lately. I'm glad Icheb and Mezoti both were able to attend. They said they had a wonderful time; but, as Mezoti said as we were leaving the Mess Hall, "It would be have been more fun if Seven had been here, too." I quite agreed with her.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54687**

Mezoti confided something to me that upset me greatly. Apparently Seven "was mean" to Icheb and dressed him down in Astrometrics when he was trying to relieve tension by making a joke. She wasn't at her post when Commander Chakotay was looking for her - because she was late. Since we've been observing energy discharges that have been coming out of nowhere and haven't been able to figure out what they are, this was a very poor time for her to become so uncharacteristically lax with her duties. After Mezoti came to see me, I went looking for Seven and found her holed up on Holodeck 1. That seems to be the place where she prefers to spend all her free time during the past couple of weeks. I wouldn't mind that, except Mezoti let slip she's gone missing from Astrometrics several times when she's supposed to be on duty. That's shocking, to say the least. Mezoti added that what Seven is doing in there "is wrong." So, when I saw Seven had the privacy lock on, I used my security override to find out what was happening.

I certainly was shocked by what I saw. Seven was draped all over Commander Chakotay, or his holographic simulation, as I surmised, since he'd been sitting in the command chair when I left the bridge mere minutes before. I couldn't believe he'd managed to slip off in the short time I spent coming here, especially considering our current circumstances.

Sure enough, when she saw me, Seven shut down the program, and Commander Chakotay's image vanished along with the piano, the sofa, the simulated Seven quarters (since she hasn't asked the captain for any yet), and the very prominent, very mussed up bed. I didn't even have to ask her what was going on. She blushed crimson and said, "It's not what you think."

I begged to differ, and she admitted that ever since her experience as the efficiency expert on Quarra, she's been bothered by images of what "might have been." Dr. Kadan, the evil perpetrator of memory tampering, had managed to hide her past memories from her consciousness while she was on Quarra. Now that she's back to herself, she's remembering even more about her past life, especially the romance she experienced with Axum on Unimatrix Zero. It may have been a virtual reality sort of romance, but she misses it. Even worse, now that she's learned how far away Axum's physical body is located from here, she knows she can never expect to meet him in person.

She assured me she's only been visiting this particular scenario for the past few days. I pointed out the past few days have been the worst time for her to be indulging herself in a fantasy world. Even Tom hasn't visited the holodeck since the ship has been dodging the unexplained energy discharges. Seven is supposed to be finding out how we can detect them soon enough to avoid damage to our vessel. I took her to task for leaving her post in Astrometrics when _Voyager_ is under such a threat, as well as for her rudeness towards Icheb when he was trying to help her cope. It's dereliction of duty, pure and simple.

I asked her if she was here at the time she was supposed to be attending the baby shower, and she contritely admitted she was. "I wasn't exploring romance, then, Lieutenant. I recreated the baby shower in order to experience it on my own - as practice. It's part of my exploration of social roles." I pointed out that being physically _at_ the shower would have allowed her to explore that sort of social interaction much more efficiently. She countered that she was afraid of "making mistakes." I sighed and told her that making mistakes is one way we learn how to behave appropriately during social activities!

I asked if she'd chosen Commander Chakotay as her "partner" in the program for any particular reason. "He's a very attractive individual," she replied. "He seems lonely. When he brought Jaffen on the tour of _Voyager_ , before we left Quarra, the commander seemed to be a little envious of the personal relationship Jaffen had had with Captain Janeway when she didn't remember _Voyager_ , but she won't enter a romantic partnership with the commander because of Starfleet protocols."

"Yes, indeed," I replied. "Those protocols prohibit such relationships between a superior officer and anyone under his or her command. You must realize Commander Chakotay is also a superior officer, and you are under his command. The protocols apply to him as well."

In a very small voice, she admitted she did know that. "That's why I chose to utilize a holodeck program to explore a . . . possible relationship."

I shook my head sadly. It was an impossible situation. I do feel badly for Seven. She's clearly as lonely as the captain and the commander are, but indulging in a holodeck program such as this really isn't good for her - especially now, when our ship may be under attack.

As we walked out of the holodeck, I asked her why she didn't try to develop a romantic relationship with anyone else on the ship. Just because her experience with Lieutenant Chapman was less than satisfactory, that doesn't mean she'll never find another that would be more successful. After she began to explain the methods she'd used to choose Mr. Chapman for her first date, I stopped her. "Seven, humans and Vulcans and Talaxians and whatever aren't perfect. If you want to explore social roles, don't expect perfection. The 'perfect partner' will still have flaws. As I know from my inherited memories, Father is devoted to his spouse T'Pel, but that doesn't mean they haven't had disagreements from time to time. Harry Kim once asked you to enjoy the Ktarian Moonrise program with him. Why don't you ask him to go to it now, or to another program of your choice? You could spend a pleasant day in Fair Haven. You know, Harry is just as lonely as you are."

"I wouldn't want him to misinterpret what I meant by the invitation. The first time he suggested that program, I accused him of wanting to copulate with me."

"And his response?"

"He refused me!"

"Of course he did, for your own good, because he knew you weren't ready for it so soon after your separation from the Collective! It certainly wasn't good for him. Most of the crew made cruel jokes at his expense for _not_ taking advantage of you. Personally, I honor Harry's integrity. Even if there isn't any possibility of romance, you could spend free time together as friends, instead of relating to each other only in a work capacity. Friendships can develop into romances; but that doesn't mean they all will. Going to the holodeck with Harry, or anyone _other_ than a senior officer in direct command of you, just as friends, would be healthier than programming a fantasy Commander Chakotay, especially if it means you shunt work off on Icheb when _your_ expertise is truly needed."

I don't know what she might have said to me in response. As I finished speaking, another explosion rocked _Voyager_. Seven ran to Astrometrics, which is the station she was supposed to be manning, while I rushed back to the bridge to see if Father needed me for anything.

Later in the day, we discovered our ship had wandered into a weapons testing field, which accounted for the scattered bits of debris littering this region of space as well as the energy discharges. The weapons were traveling through subspace, which made them so difficult to detect. Once we were able to decrypt the "warning" message, we knew we couldn't travel at warp speed, once our drive was repaired because an earlier weapon had damaged it, without drawing the weapons towards us. Seven was able to transport the detonator from a weapon, which allowed us to escape.

Icheb worked with her to diagnose what was happening, helping her to extricate us from a very dangerous situation. She's acknowledged his assistance, I'm happy to say. Now I hope she manages to extricate herself from another one which could be even more dangerous in the long run, to her, and to Icheb and Mezoti.

 **Supplemental**

Icheb contacted me to say that after the weapons range crisis had been resolved, Seven went to the holodeck to "rectify an error." He's not sure what the error was, or exactly what happened, but she's currently in Sickbay. When I contacted the Doctor, he told me she doesn't want any visitors, but he's "on top of the situation." Whatever it is.

It told the EMH to let Seven know I'll stay with Mezoti and Icheb tonight, so she needn't worry about them. I also mentioned that if she wishes to talk about what happened later, I'll make myself available. While I doubt I'll hear from her, I trust this will be the end of her holodeck fantasies of the unhealthy kind.

=/\=


	93. Options

=/\=

 **Stardate 54691**

Seven surprised me. She asked me if she could come to my quarters this afternoon. She wished to take me up on my offer to "talk about what happened."

First, she explained that she'd deleted her "romantic exploration" holodeck program. Seven had come to the conclusion it was dangerous for her to proceed with it any further. Then she explained why.

When she left Icheb in Astrometrics to "correct her error" in the holodeck, her emotions began to overwhelm her. She managed to contact the Doctor in Sickbay about her medical emergency just before she collapsed. Nothing like this had never happened when she was in Unimatrix Zero with Axum, but she postulates that since she was always regenerating during her visits there, she was protected from any "emotional surges." At first, the Doctor surmised that the cortical node she'd received from Icheb was failing, endangering her life once again. However, after a careful review of all of his scans, he determined that the cortical node, and in particular, its Emotional Inhibitor chip, was doing exactly what it was supposed to do.

Apparently the Borg manage to avoid any messy emotional entanglements between drones through this chip. If a drone becomes extremely conflicted emotionally, the chip fires and caused the affected drone to collapse to "protect" its higher brain functions from damage. I told Seven I was surprised such a strong emotional reaction was even possible in a drone. She smiled a bit crookedly, much like the captain does at times, and remarked, "It appears it is."

When Seven decided to end her program, she decided to "breakup" with her holo-character lover Chakotay. "As practice," she added mournfully. The Chakotay character tried to persuade her to continue their love affair. Seven became anxious, and her very mixed emotions must have triggered the chip to fire. When the Doctor found her in her simulation (with the Chakotay character hanging over her, which let the EMH know exactly what she was doing on the holodeck), her cortical node was on the verge of shutting down completely. If it had done so, Seven might have died. The Doctor was able to reverse the damage before it did.

I murmured something about this must have been the "something bad" Mezoti had feared. Unfortunately, Seven heard me and demanded what I meant by that. I had to tell her that Mezoti "picks up more of your thoughts than you probably would wish, because of her heightened subvocal communication abilities. Even when she tries not to hear them."

I was concerned about Seven's reaction, but she sighed in resignation, with no trace of anger towards her prospective daughter. "Mezoti is the reason I wished to speak with you, Lieutenant. The Doctor has explained that since Icheb no longer has an Emotional Inhibitor chip, he is safe from the type of collapse I experienced. Icheb had previously spoken with the Doctor about feeling wide swings of emotion ever since he donated his cortical node to me. The Doctor told him he will just have to learn how to manage them the way everyone else on _Voyager_ must in order to function. So, while Icheb is safe from a malfunction such as this, Mezoti and I are not. Her cortical node is very well formed, just as mine is. I'm concerned about her safety."

I asked her if anything can be done to end this threat to their lives. Seven replied, "The Doctor is willing to try to remove the chips from our cortical nodes, but he may need to perform several procedures on each of us before he succeeds. I don't know if I want to put Mezoti through that much discomfort and pain."

"You're apprehensive about it as well, I suspect."

She hesitated before admitting, "I am. I was wondering if you would be willing to instruct Mezoti and me in Vulcan meditation techniques, which would keep us safe instead."

I would have liked to ponder this issue for a while before providing her with a response, but from her facial expression, which revealed just how worried she was and how eager to hear my answer, I knew I'd have to tell her what I thought immediately. I told her I'd be happy to teach these techniques to them both, but I could not guarantee they would be sufficient to provide absolute control of emotions in every circumstance. "Father has practiced these techniques diligently ever since he was an adolescent, and I meditate before retiring every day, but neither of us can completely banish emotional responses, particularly in extreme situations like the one you experienced. If you had been in a relationship with an organic person, not a photonic one, your argument could have escalated even more quickly than in your simulation. Now that neither you nor Mezoti are totally Borg, you aren't protected by having your thoughts and emotions buried inside 'a wall of white noise.' That's how Lieutenant Marika Wilkarah once described it to me - when a drone's individual thoughts are submerged into everyone else's in the Collective, which blunts their power. And other factors may emerge soon, too . . . "

She asked me what those other factors might be, and I explained that hormones could come into play, too. "Puberty is coming soon for Mezoti and Naomi. No one knows exactly how soon that may be in Mezoti's case, but I suspect it will be sooner than you'd like for it to happen. Adolescents are notorious for exhibiting extremes of emotional behavior, which frequently are the result of erratic hormonal surges at this stage of development.

"Icheb confided in me once that he wonders if a reason he misread Lieutenant Torres' overtures of friendship so badly, while you were away with Harry on the _Nightingale_ , was due to the heightened emotions he was experiencing after he'd given his cortical node to you. Fortunately, the only injury that occurred to him at the time was acute embarrassment. Some of the engineers spread the story of the misunderstanding throughout our 'small ship's gossip mill,' as Naomi calls it. Icheb spent a week scrubbing plasma conduits and glad to do it, because he was so ashamed to show his face when everyone was laughing at him. Once Tom heard the gossip, he approached Icheb and prodded him into telling his side of the story. Tom was very helpful by explaining how the Doctor's advice led Icheb astray about the 'symptoms' of sexual interest. Afterwards, Tom spent a lot of time constructing his National Parks holodeck program series, so the couple could spend 'fun time' hiking with all the children, including Icheb, and repair Icheb's relationship with B'Elanna. Now, if Mezoti should develop such an extreme reaction such as this in the future . . ."

Seven shook her head. "You don't need to continue, Lieutenant. The Doctor's surgical interventions may bring us a measure of discomfort, even pain, but to fail to act now could threaten our lives. Thank you. I know now what I must do."

Seven had taken a seat at the table in my quarters when she arrived. After she said this to me, she stood up and stretched her back and legs. I know she experiences pain all of the time from some of her implants, since many run very close to her tendons and nerves. Accepting the probability she will feel more pain from surgery, no matter how skilled the Doctor is, can't be easy. These operations will be experimental, as most of the procedures he's developed for his former Borg patients have been. I sincerely hope he won't have to perform too many on Seven and Mezoti to remove those dangerous chips from their cortical nodes.

While I seldom touch Seven when I'm near her, this time, I extended my hand to her. She accepted it and said, "Thank you, Lieutenant. I appreciate your guidance in this matter."

"I'm sure the captain would have been happy to listen to your concerns, too."

"I believe she would, but she could not have answered my question about whether learning meditation techniques could substitute for medical procedures. As a consequence, she would have directed me to come to speak with you. I knew it would be more efficient to go directly to the source."

I had to chuckle at this comment, because Seven was absolutely correct. That's exactly what the captain would have said.

As she turned to go, I kept hold of her hand for another moment to prevent her leaving so that I could say, "I'm always glad to help, Seven, if I can, but can I give you one more bit of advice?" At her nod, I continued, "When you come to speak to me when I'm off duty, I'm just Tuvix to you, just as I always am to your children and Naomi."

When I said, "your children," Seven's facial expression brightened noticeably. I was very gratified when she thanked me again for helping her to "make the intelligent choice, not the emotional one . . . Tuvix."

 **Supplemental**

The Doctor will perform the first stage of the chip removal process on Seven at 0900 tomorrow. Assuming all goes well, he will perform the same procedure on Mezoti at 1300. He said he believes he'll know how many more surgical interventions will be necessary after they recover from the first one. "I'm telling you this on Seven's explicit instructions that Mezoti's 'unofficial godfather' should be kept informed of her medical status at all times. And thank you for your assistance. I advised Seven of her options, but talking it over with you clarified her choices beautifully." I received his thanks with gratitude. All I can do now is wait for word about how well they do. Very well, indeed, I hope.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54695**

Much to my relief, the Emotional Inhibitor chips have been successfully removed from my unofficial goddaughter and her soon-to-be adoptive mother (and current guardian). I would have felt truly awful if either of them had suffered from complications after I encouraged Seven to authorize the procedures. The Doctor only needed to operate on Mezoti once. Although her cortical node is very well formed, the connections with the chip were relatively weak. He was able to separate it from her cortical node without much trouble. Seven's chip was more tightly connected, possibly because the pathogen in Icheb's body interfered with how the part had developed. The Doctor needed to operate on Seven three times before he was able to completely free her from the pernicious device.

Sometimes I wonder why the Borg bother to assimilate biological beings at all. Wouldn't the Queen be just as well off building armies of totally mechanical robots or androids? They wouldn't have emotions unless she'd programmed them to possess them. Assimilation turns people into a conglomeration of machine parts, interchangeable with each other at her direction. She doesn't allow them to make choices or have individual thoughts or emotional lives anyway.

I guess it's easier to obtain "parts" that form biologically instead of taking the trouble to manufacture them from raw materials. It's very opportunistic of her. She's actually quite lazy, stealing organic people to provide her with ready-made, artificial shells of beings to do her bidding. What will she do if she ever runs out of species to exploit? Snow White's evil queen/stepmother and Sleeping Beauty's Maleficent are almost saintly in comparison!

I cannot claim this last thought is mine alone. Our perceptive Mezoti has been reading the fairy tales Icheb has been collecting since his time on Quarra. She mentioned something about this to me when I visited her in Borg Central yesterday morning, after her post-operative regeneration cycle was complete. Seven was still "under" at the time of my visit, since she was still recovering from her third procedure. Seven's cycle reached its end this morning, I'm glad to say.

I spoke with Mezoti a little while ago and asked her if her subvocal communications with Seven have been damaged in any way from their respective operations. "Nope," she said, grinning impishly. I never heard her use the word "nope" before today. Naomi's influence, no doubt.

I may miss my coolly logical, stoic Mezoti from time to time, but tonight, I certainly did not. And I'm always willing to teach meditation techniques to anyone who should ask me to provide them, Mezoti and Seven included. For now, however, what they really need is to explore a full range of emotions without worrying about falling down dead. Anything I might have contributed to that happy conclusion is a relief.

=/\=


	94. Quintessential Q-Ness

=/\=

 **Stardate 54702**

This isn't the first time I've encountered the Q Continuum since my advent. While the Q who eventually took the name of Quinn arrived on _Voyager_ prior to my arrival, I retain my parents' memories of his visit. I _did_ have the dubious pleasure of enduring the after-effects of his suicide, however, when the Q who has bedeviled more than one starship captain tried to convince Captain Janeway to bear his child. She declined the honor, but our crew was forced into all sorts of silly adventures before Q's mate - whom we've dubbed "Lady Q" for clarity whenever we speak of her (although Tom insists she should be called "Susie Q" after a 20th century rock song he's fond of) came on board and agreed to become the mother of Q's child.

He brought the baby boy back to show to his "Aunt Kathy" shortly afterwards. Apparently, the Q's alleged omniscience, coupled with their ability to perform all sorts of tricks in defiance of the laws of space, time, energy, and matter, resulted in a pregnancy that was over in a scant few minutes. The captain did tell us that the "little tyke is quite cute."

He isn't so cute now.

A five year old Q, who has taken on the physical form of an adolescent human, has been deposited on _Voyager_ by his father. The boy is obnoxious, not to mention a menace. Dad objected when"Q Junior" reignited a conflict between the residents of two systems which had finally agreed to a treaty after a protracted period of warfare. Miffed by his disapproval, Junior sealed Dad's mouth shut and removed his jaw and vocal cords. Just for fun, naturally. Dad had to type this information to us on a PADD until Q (to whom I will refer as "Daddy Q" from now on) undid his son's so-called "improvement" of the "Kitchen Rat." Several other incidents just as outrageous as this occurred.

Daddy Q claimed the boy's mother abandoned the family because of the way their offspring was developing. Daddy Q has admitted he can't handle him. After Junior appeared on the bridge and summoned a Borg cube to attack us, however, even Daddy Q had enough. After briefly transforming his son into an Oprelian Amoeba, Daddy Q restored him to human form and left him here for "Aunt Kathy" to "shape up." If he doesn't, according to Icheb, he'll return to Oprelian Amoeba form to live in "singular-cellular city for all eternity."

The boy's been attending classes with Icheb. I need not add - although I will - that Junior is at the bottom of the class, while Icheb is valedictorian material. Since he no longer possesses his Q powers, Junior's ability to create mayhem has been considerably reduced, although sadly, not completely eliminated. I hope he will serve as an example of how _not_ to act to our youngsters. Icheb has already expressed a healthy skepticism about the probability of Junior successfully achieving the goals Daddy Q has established for his son. Nevertheless, since this is the first time he's had a peer with whom to interact, I fear Junior may become a very bad influence on Icheb.

Mezoti announced to Naomi and me that it's her expectation that Q _will_ turn his son into an Oprelian amoeba, as he promised he would if Junior didn't act according the parameters that had been set by the Continuum. I had a short talk with them about how difficult it would be for a being as powerful as Junior, who is used to getting his own way at the snap of his fingers, to adjust to life as a "common bipedal primate." Naomi was willing to give "Q2" another chance. Mezoti sniffed, "He will fail. I hope he doesn't destroy _Voyager_ when he does."

=/\=

 **Stardate 54707**

Junior, or as Icheb has begun to call him, Q-Ball, came very close to destroying Icheb, if not _Voyager_ itself. Mezoti is livid and wants to see him punished. Icheb explained that Junior "has learned his lesson and will behave much better from now on. Better than his father," he added. He gave her a little speech about the "quality of mercy," a concept which he's discovered during his studies of Shakespeare's plays. Since Junior's antics almost killed Icheb, I'm inclined to side with Mezoti.

Junior had been doing very well for the past several days. He paid attention in class, contributed to discussions, and actually seemed to be learning something about diplomacy, appropriate social behavior, and accepting responsibility for his actions. Then Daddy Q arrived to check on his boy's progress. He was singularly unimpressed by our captain's glowing report of his progress. Apparently, only a "demonstration of exemplary Q-ness" will satisfy the Continuum's conditions for Junior's regaining his powers. Daddy Q didn't bother to explain what exemplary Q-ness looks like to Captain Janeway, of course, since it's impossible for her "miniscule mind to comprehend" it. He said he would know it when he saw it. "And this isn't it."

Junior's suggestion to Icheb, or "Itchy," that they work together to repair the _Delta Flyer_ seemed like a valid way for Junior to show initiative, since it wasn't an assignment. When the repairs had been completed successfully, however, Junior decided to fly out of _Voyager_ in the shuttle without authorization. Icheb was an unwilling passenger. Junior had erected shields between them to prevent Icheb from intervening.

When they arrived at the coordinated where they would find the "very hot girls" Junior wished to carouse with, however, a ship appeared. The pilot challenged them for entering the system without authorization. Junior tried to get away from the Chokuzan ship, but the pilot fired at them. The _Delta Flyer's_ tactical station blew up in Icheb's face, seriously injuring him.

Icheb was lying in Sickbay, on the verge of dying from the omicron radiation inflicted by the Chokuzan weapon, when Daddy Q arrived. Junior begged his father to heal Icheb. Daddy Q refused. Instead, he told his son that he needed to be taught a lesson, and if his "little playmate has to die to teach you a lesson, so be it." He flashed away, as the Q always do.

The captain convinced Junior he could save Icheb himself by returning to where the incident occurred, to beg the Chokuzan pilot to give them information about the weapon so the Doctor could devise a cure. When Junior and the captain confronted the patrol ship, they discovered the "Chokuzan pilot" was Daddy Q in disguise. Although Icheb recovered once Icheb accepted responsibility for the incident, the Continuum still refused to restore Junior's powers. Daddy Q disappeared again, and the captain offered Junior a place on _Voyager_ as a member of our crew. Reluctantly, he was about to accept mortality and agree to her proposal when his father suddenly reappeared. He'd successfully appealed the Continuum 's decision, and Junior's powers were restored, but there were "conditions." Daddy Q had to supervise him properly (i.e. constantly). "We'll be joined at the hip for all eternity."

After Seven, Mezoti, Naomi, and I learned the entire story from Icheb and the captain, Mezoti was slightly mollified. "If he has to stay close his father forever, maybe that's punishment enough. Q-Ball should teach his father the right way to behave. He needs to learn it himself! With a father who acts like that, how could Q-Ball have turned out any other way? What do you think, Itchy?" Mezoti's impish grin appeared.

Icheb calmly replied, "I think you shouldn't call me Itchy unless I can call you Scratchy." I thought that was a marvelous comeback by Icheb, but my laughter ended much sooner than everyone else's. Considering how badly Icheb's parents treated him, it's understandable he'd be willing to forgive Junior his excesses. But then, Icheb is much more forgiving than I am.

Later, Icheb came to me and explained that Lady Q and Q-Ball visited him in Sickbay. She hadn't abandoned her son at all; she'd agreed to stay away from him while the father attempted to deal with his wild behavior. She'd known Q would make a mess of things and was prepared to step in to save Icheb if Daddy Q didn't. "She told me Q-Ball was born to save the Continuum, and this is how he's going to do it: by keeping his father under control. The Continuum told Q he's supervising his son, but it's really the other way around. Q-Ball's mother plans to keep watch over both of them, in case they run into trouble again." He became a little wistful when he added, "You know, Tuvix, Q-Ball was the closest thing to a true friend I've ever had."

I felt a little better about the episode once Icheb told me this. I understand. He's friends with Naomi. Mezoti is his little "sister," and little Aimee is one, too, even if Marla is raising her. Tom and Harry have served as mentors to Icheb, as have I upon occasion, but we're not his "buddies" in the way "Q-Ball" could have been if he'd stayed on as a mortal.

But having a Q around permanently would simply be asking for trouble. I'm quite content with how everything's turned out.

=/\=


	95. Photons, Be Free! Quoth the EMH

=/\=

 **Stardate 54711**

Harry and Seven visited me today and shared a "big secret" they'd been keeping from everyone other than the captain and the commander up to now. They looked so happy, my first thought was that she'd taken my advice about becoming close friends, or even romantic, with someone much more appropriate than Commander Chakotay. Icheb had confided they'd been spending quite a bit of time together in Astrometrics recently, but Seven hadn't told Icheb what they'd been doing in there. Perhaps they were going to tell me they'd become "more than friends." But that wasn't it.

While they were returning to _Voyager_ from the Kraylor homeworld, Seven noticed that Harry was despondent about the fact that he hadn't performed as well in command as he'd expected he would. Since he was allowing the Kraylor crew, and in particular, Terek, to man the bridge without hovering over them at the time, Seven visited him to stop his brooding over what had happened. One subject that came up concerned the Pathfinder connection technology. Apparently, Harry had been studying Lieutenant Barclay's schematics, and he'd begun to speculate about ways our communication with the Alpha Quadrant might be improved. If the signal coming from the Mutara Deep Space Transponder Array that creates a miniature wormhole was bounced off something more stable than a pulsar, messages could be exchanged more frequently than just once a month. The system currently utilizes a pulsar which is in proper alignment with the array only every 32nd day.

Harry suggested, half in jest, that a quantum singularity would be "perfect," if only the beam wasn't swallowed up by the singularity's gravity. Seven replied that a tachyon beam might escape them. During the remainder of the trip, and after their return to _Voyager_ , the pair studied the concept and concluded it might work. They'd prepared a proposal and sent it to Mr. Barclay and Admiral Paris in the next datastream, asking them to test the idea to see if it was feasible.

They received an answer from Lieutenant Barclay today. He sent them instructions on the settings they're to use to open communications with the Alpha Quadrant for a grand total of eleven minutes a day, every day. The first "test" of the system will take place three weeks from today. The current data stream burst exchanges will still take place, but now on a daily basis. Harry said, "We'll be able to talk live, Tuvix. It will be almost like we're calling from one place on Earth to another!"

The captain will announce the test to the entire crew later today. I'm sure Father will be thrilled to have a chance to speak with T'Pel and their children this way, as close to face-to-face as possible, considering how far apart from them we still are. It's really exciting news, but I wouldn't have minded if Harry and Seven had had something more personal to share, too. Oh, well. My matchmaking abilities clearly are not as well developed as many other aspects of my life. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54715**

Naturally, everyone is very excited about the possibility of daily contact with Starfleet, as well as having an opportunity to "visit" with loved ones periodically. The ability to exchange messages and information so frequently has given me pause, however, considering several of our recent experiences with the data stream which have had a negative impact upon our crew. I decided to discuss my concerns with Father privately before submitting anything to the command team through channels.

Father and I discussed how secure our transmissions to and from Starfleet and our families will actually be. Father maintains that since they'll be transferred so frequently, and with a real time component, it will make it more difficult, if not impossible, for anyone who wanted to intercept the messages for nefarious purposes to be successful. We've already been sending very complete lists of all communications with each transmission, but now, if anything goes missing, we'll be able to check back the next day about its status. Issues such as we had with the Reg Barclay hologram would be detected quickly, before anyone had sufficient time to alter the intercepted message. And since we'll receive a new list of messages every day, annotated to summarize what each one contains, if one does show up later, we'd check it out carefully to make sure it hadn't been subject to tampering before delivering it to its intended recipient. With these measures, Father believes an incident such as the subliminal message inserted into his letter from Sek will not be repeated. My mind is more at ease, but I still plan to remain vigilant - just in case.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54732**

Operation Watson is a great success! When communication was established, Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, Harry and Seven spoke briefly with Admiral Paris and Lieutenant Barclay. They showed them a "live" view of Earth from space. Harry told me they actually chatted about the weather over North America! When the captain congratulated Mr. Barclay about his accomplishment in establishing this new system, the lieutenant quickly credited Seven and Ensign Kim for their key contribution to this improved technology.

I think Harry was half-hoping the captain might bring up the matter of Harry receiving his long-overdue promotion. He's been stuck in the rank of ensign for six and a half years, but the communication window closed before the subject could be introduced. After Harry left to share the good news with his other friends on the crew, Seven commented, "Harry may not be ready to captain a starship yet, but he's certainly earned a promotion to lieutenant, junior grade, at the very least." I agreed, naturally, but I must say, I hope he doesn't jump a full grade when he finally is promoted. Unless I received a promotion at the same time, he'd outrank me!

 **Supplemental**

We've learned a bit more about how the crew's opportunity to speak with loved ones will work. The communication window will be open for eleven minutes per day. Nine minutes will be reserved for face-to-face meetings with family and friends. Three members of the crew will visit each day, for a grand total of three minutes per crew member! It's not much, but it's so much better than once a month, through visual or written letters only, that no one is complaining.

Captain Janeway gave Dad the task of organizing the schedule, and he's arrived at a very fair plan to do it. Dad inscribed data chips with numbers, ranging from 1 to 148. Each member of the crew will draw one to find out their "position in the queue," as Dad described it to me. The only person who isn't eligible for the drawing is little Aimee, but she'll visit with Marla during her time. With a vocabulary of about twenty words, Aimee doesn't have much to say yet anyway.

When Dad approached me to pick my chip, I told him it seemed silly for me to take up three minutes of time when I don't know anyone in the Alpha Quadrant. He reminded me that I do have family on Vulcan: Tuvok's wife T'Pel, his daughter Asil, his sons Sek, Varith, and Elieth, and Sek's wife and daughter, Varin and T'Meni. "You'll be able to get to know them better." When I mentioned I could meet them during Father's transmission, Dad pointed out that he might desire some "private conversations" with T'Pel. I had to admit this was true, so I accepted my chip. It was number 24. When I showed it to Father, and he showed me his was 89, I offered to trade with him. Father refused. He suggested Dad and him could both attend my session. Father will introduce "the Talaxian branch to our Vulcan family at that time." Dad thought this was a wonderful idea, so that's what we'll do. I'm sure it will be a fascinating meeting.

I asked Dad how he planned to use his turn. He told me he doesn't know yet, but I've been aware he's been working on a cookbook, "Delta Quadrant Cuisine a la Neelix," for quite a while. He's considered sending it to a literary agency via the Pathfinder data stream, to see if any publishers would be interested in it. I expect that's what he'll end up doing.

Naturally, one of the lowest-number chips - number 3 - was drawn by our EMH. Harry was eager to trade with him, since his mother's birthday is coming up in a few days. Harry had drawn number 130. The Doctor said he has plans for that chip but won't tell anyone the identity of the person he plans to chat with. Tom is certain it will be someone on Jupiter Station, perhaps his holographic "sister" Haley, or Dr. Zimmerman himself. B'Elanna thinks it will be Reg Barclay.

Harry did find a trade partner, however. Tom drew the number 6 and gave it to Harry, saying, "Give your mom my best." When Harry asked if he was sure about this, Tom said he's already waited this long. "What's another six weeks?" I was a little surprised to hear that, but then I remembered how long it's been since he'd had any personal contact with his parents and sisters. Tom had been in prison in New Zealand for some time before the captain brought him on board as an "observer." Besides, Tom's true family now consists of B'Elanna and their soon-to-be-born daughter. I guess that gives him a perspective most of the crew doesn't have.

The Delaney sisters plan on sharing their time, so they'll get a chance to visit with their family twice as often. I understand a few members of the crew grumbled a bit about that when they heard, but it wouldn't be fair to force the sisters to share a single session, either. Icheb was going to give up his chip, since he also doesn't know anyone in the Alpha Quadrant. After I pointed out he could contact professors at the Academy and receive guidance with his curriculum, he became noticeably more enthused about "taking his turn." Mezoti, however, has no idea how to use hers. She offered it to Naomi and Icheb, but both of them turned her down. Since she drew the number 142, she'll have time to think about it. I suspect that if she contacts Starfleet's Public Relations Department about her problem, they'll gladly make use of "the little ex-Borg girl on _Voyager_ who doesn't have anyone in the Alpha Quadrant to visit" as a puff piece. I can just see it: "Enter our contest to become Mezoti's pen pal and become the first person in your neighborhood to communicate with the Delta Quadrant!"

Oh, dear. I'm afraid I've been spending too much time with Tom and B'Elanna. I'm becoming quite the cynic.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54736**

Just about the entire crew is in an uproar about "Photons Be Free," our EMH's "great work of art." It's a "completely fictional" holodeck program depicting the short life and tragic death of a hologram assigned to the starship _Vortex,_ which, like _Voyager_ , is lost in the far reaches of the Delta Quadrant. He's been working on it for months.

Thanks to _Voyager's_ isolation in the Delta Quadrant, and the fact that he had to fill the role of our chief medical officer when the rest of the trained medical staff were killed when the Caretaker dragged our ship into this quadrant, our Doctor has developed into an individual who is truly a member of our crew. The other Mark-1's weren't so lucky. Their programs were deemed obsolete for several reasons, but the main one seemed to be their abrasive personalities. They've been condemned to doing menial tasks in the Alpha Quadrant.

From what the EMH conveyed to us after his return from Jupiter Station, and after some of our experiences with the way photonic beings have been treated in the Delta Quadrant, particularly during the past year, I cannot say he doesn't have a point. The problem for the crew that his "work of art" portrays virtually all organic beings as bigoted despots, which might be more acceptable if the malign denizens of the _Vortex_ resemble our _Voyager_ crew to a remarkable degree. In fact, if _Voyager_ and its crew were a work of fiction, its creator would have grounds to file suit against the Doctor for plagiarism.

The Doctor has an amazing imagination, quite remarkable when one considers it's all a matter of holographic programming. His daydreams, which prompted the captain to allow him to keep subroutines such as his ECH function, were fascinating to watch, according to Harry, since the most provocative were erased before I had a chance to view them. When _Voyager_ was attacked by the Quarrens, the ECH quite literally saved the ship. The EMH misused his access to _Voyager's_ command subroutines when he came under the influence of Iden, however, and the captain should have realized his favoritism towards photonics have raised warning flags. Another warning sign: his daydreams have been based upon his limited experiences on _Voyager_. In his daydreams he depicted himself in various roles, but all of his interactions were with other members of the crew. While he knows our crew well, he's less aware of how others behave, and "Photons, Be Free" reflects that limited knowledge to great degree.

After the captain failed to punish the EMH for his transgressions during his time with Iden's "freedom fighters," especially in the way his actions almost caused the destruction of _Voyager_ , Tom and I suggested to the EMH that he might voluntarily surrender some of his holodeck time, as a form of self-discipline. He refused. He told us he had a "project" of his own he wished to work on, to encourage organics like us to accept photonics like him as people. When we told him we _did_ accept him as one of us, he agreed the crew of _Voyager_ accepted him, but what about others we'd encountered, like the Hirogen, or the Serosians, who treated Dejaren so badly? Or the Lokirrim, who were decompiling the programs of the photonics who were in rebellion against them? Tom pointed out that Dejaren murdered the organic members of his crew, and we don't really know if the Lokirrim mistreated their photonics, or if their rebellion was instigated by someone like Iden. The Doctor ignored what Tom's had to say, however, and kept all of his holodeck time.

Now that I've viewed the Doctor's program and seen how he's portrayed the crew as unfeeling brutes who are prejudiced against the poor holographic doctor, the program's protagonist, I'm afraid that this is the project he was working on when he rebuffed Tom and me. If so, I'm not happy about it. Not at all.

Tom was the first of the crew to view it. Captain Janeway's clone (if the captain were a dominitrix) "Captain Jenkins" murdered a seriously injured member of the crew to force the doctor to treat her pet helmsman, "Lieutenant Marseilles," a letch of the highest order with the worst mustache I've ever seen. Lieutenant Marseilles was actually one of the Doctor's more creative names - but not to anyone familiar with the relative proximity of Marseilles to Paris in France. "Torrey," the chief engineer, was a human who compared the hologram to a hypospanner. Ensign Kymble was a Trill and a hypochondriac. Katanay was a tattooed Bajoran with a very bad attitude. The only reasonably nice character was the Borg "Three of Eight," who defended the protagonist at the end of the program, when Captain Jenkins destroyed him for "cluttering up his program with all sorts of useless additions." Clearly, the Doctor is still enamored of our own resident former Borg.

Despite changes as to species or hair color, everyone looks almost exactly the same as his or her template and, therefore, are easily recognizable as members of our crew. We've seen samples of the publicity that Starfleet has promulgated throughout the Alpha Quadrant ever since contact with _Voyager_ has been established. Our images have been splashed throughout the Federation. Anyone participating in this holodeck program may believe we treat our Doctor the same way the crew of the _Vortex_ treats theirs. It's all very upsetting, especially since the Doctor made the mistake of stating at the end of the program, that while what the player has experienced a "work of fiction, but, like all fiction, it has elements of truth."

When I first visited the program, I didn't notice anyone who was specifically based upon me, although there were a couple of "hybrid" security guards who were just as nasty as the rest of the crew. My most recognizable traits weren't depicted in any of them. Other than Icheb, none of the children were represented, and, mercifully, the EMH ignored the _Equinox_ crew members as well. They already have enough of a burden facing them when we return to the Alpha Quadrant; they certainly don't need to be identified with any of the holo-characters in the Doctor's opus. Icheb was extremely unhappy when he realized the Bolian cook's assistant, with the "unhygienic personal habits," apparently was his avatar, as well as Chell's. Of course, Chell was just as incensed, since he felt the character demeaned Bolians "with extreme prejudice."

After the captain, experiencing the program as the holographic doctor, had the unique opportunity to experience her own death at the hands of Captain Jenkins, she called the EMH into the conference room for a meeting with her and senior staff members Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, and Father. He told Dad and me afterwards that the Doctor insisted his program was a work of art. The crew should not be offended because the characters resemble them "a little," since the characters are fictional characters and are _NOT_ them. His program is a work of fiction, and a resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. He's simply doing what all great authors do: writing about what he knows. And what he knows is our crew, our ship, and the Delta Quadrant.

Citing his fellow EMH Mark-1's current situation in the Alpha Quadrant, the Doctor expressed his desire to relieve his fellow photonics of their suffering. He wants it to change the attitudes of organic beings who have oppressed his "brothers." The Doctor refused to compromise his artistic vision just because a few of his crew mates were overly sensitive - or maybe just jealous that his work is going to be published. The Doctor was staring at Tom when he said the last part of his speech. I thought it was a very low blow, indeed.

After Father told me about the meeting, I visited "Photons, Be Free" again. This time I noticed that one of the vilest of the security officers probably _was_ based on me. I missed it on my first viewing because the officer was not one of the hybrid crewman of the _Vortex_ , but purely Vulcan. I guess I must be one of those overly sensitive members of the crew, because I _am_ offended.

=/\=

 **Supplemental**

The Doctor went to the holodeck to make a few "minor changes" to his work and was horrified to discover Tom had altered "Photons Be Free." When the EMH confronted him about ruining his program, Tom told him how to access the unadulterated backup he'd created, before giving the Doctor a taste of his own medicine with _his_ revision. Our EMH was no more pleased with this new version of himself than the rest of the crew was about the way he'd portrayed them.

While the Doctor hadn't promised Tom he'd make any changes to his program, Dad spoke to him and urged him to do so, in the interests of " _Voyager_ family harmony." The Doctor agreed that changing some of the details of the program, particularly the name of the ship and its situation in the Delta Quadrant, wouldn't "compromise his vision" after all.

Dad gave the EMH his own chip so that he could contact his publisher Ardon Broht and let him know there would be a slight delay before he sent the final, polished version to him. Mr. Broht thought the characters were perfect the way they were! Finally, but with great reluctance, the publisher agreed not to distribute the holonovel until after he receives the Doctor's final revisions. The Doctor told him he expects to send them in a week or two. After he finished speaking with Mr. Broht, the Doctor advised Dad and me he's changed his fictional crew's looks, but he needs to do a bit more, such as revising the crew names and that of the ship, as well as the ship's situation, to make his work "completely fictional." I suggested a good name for his ship might be "The Teapot." He didn't think that name was good enough for his masterwork. I don't think the EMH realized I was joking.

I hope this _will_ turn out to be just a tempest in a teapot. Hard feelings may persist for some for quite a while. Tom was very disappointed to think the Doctor would portray his character as someone who would cheat on his wife, since he'd thought he'd managed to earn the EMH's respect over the past six and a half years. Chell isn't likely to forget the slight he perceives against Bolians anytime soon, either. The rest of the crew seems to be taking a wait and see attitude towards the Doctor's program. It looks like he'll have to wait a little longer before the accolades he still expects to receive in response to his "insightful" work will come his way.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54740**

During the two minute window of the data stream reserved for communications to the captain from Starfleet, Admiral Paris and Lieutenant Barclay informed the captain that a program purportedly created by our EMH, according to advertisements distributed by the publisher Broht and Forrester, has been widely viewed in holosuites throughout the quadrant. The admiral questioned the captain's wisdom in allowing her EMH to create this program, since the admiral's reaction to what he saw in it was the same as our crew's. The captain promised to look into it.

When the captain shared this news with the Doctor, he was appalled. He advised her that Mr. Broht had agreed this was a "work in progress" wasn't going to be distributed until he'd received the final revisions. If the program was already being viewed on such a wide scale, he must have put it out even before the EMH spoke with him on the first day Project Watson was available for interstellar communications by the crew!

 **Supplemental**

In the next day's data stream, the captain gave up her chance to speak with her mother so that our EMH, with Captain Janeway in attendance, would have the opportunity to speak with his publisher. The Doctor demanded a recall of his program and an apology from his publisher for publishing a "work in progress." Broht declared he will do no such thing. When the captain told Broht that authors have rights, Broht denied this claim. Since the Doctor is a hologram, Broht told him, he _has_ no rights under Federation law. The publisher will do what he likes with the holonovel and rudely cut off the transmission.

At a senior staff meeting in the conference room afterwards, Father suggested that Starfleet demand the program's recall because it reveals classified information. Tom pointed out the flaw in that argument (which didn't please Father, although, sadly, Tom was right). "Then everyone will be sure it's a cover-up, and it's all true!"

Harry thought that if the Doctor has no rights, he also had no right to enter into Broht's initial contract to publish the holonovel. The captain didn't like this argument, either, since it would confirm Broht's point and undermine her assertion that the Doctor has the same rights as every other member of our crew. "I'm not going to let this publisher say otherwise."

=/\=

 **Stardate 54745**

We visited with Father's family today. Fortunately, they didn't say anything about "Photons, Be Free." I trust that means the holonovel isn't available on Vulcan - yet. We actually didn't have time for much more than basic introductions, but it was wonderful to see them on the view screen. We could imagine they were in the next room, just behind a glass. They expressed gratitude at finally getting the chance to meet "their Talaxians."

T'Pel didn't say very much. As far as I can tell, she had her gaze fixed upon Father most of the time. I know it was impossible for them to communicate telepathically in the literal sense over such a distance, but a couple that has been joined together for decades, as T'Pel and Father have been, can communicate in more subtle ways than either words or telepathy. There is a language of facial expression and body language that can travel through the parsecs, if the communicants are in any sort of real time visual range. I could see that this was what was happening whenever I looked at T'Pel. I've worked very diligently at purging my memories of Father's most intimate moments with her, but I could tell, from a telltale twitch of her eyebrow and narrowing of her eyes, that she had concerns of some kind about what she saw.

I hope she doesn't have any reservations about Dad and I being part of their extended family. In her letters to me, she's stated she fully accepts the facts of my creation, that it was a chance event, a monumental accident. Whenever she glanced directly at me, even though we made eye contact for mere seconds, I believe it was with as much warmth as any Vulcan matron would permit herself to show to anyone, even one of her own precious children. Perhaps the concern I detect is only a manifestation of her longing to be in her husband's actual presence once again. That, I can understand very well, thanks to the time I spent with Alyara.

And oh, how much I wish I could communicate with Alyara like this someday! I don't know if it's because our crew can now "visit" with loved ones in this way, but I've had Alyara on my mind a lot lately, ever since Project Watson became operational. There is an aphorism from Earth that I've found to be very true. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54747**

After acting as the technician in charge of Project Watson transmissions for several days, Seven has come to appreciate what it means to connect with family. Her parents are now either Borg or dead, but from she remembered that her father has a sister. After checking in our database, which has been updated regularly since Project Pathfinder has been so successful, she knows her Aunt Irene Hansen is alive. When the number on her chip came up, and at Harry's urging, she decided to contact her aunt.

Seven introduced Icheb and Mezoti to her aunt as the children she is in the process of adopting. Aunt Irene was thrilled to see her niece again and to meet her great niece and nephew. In the brief time available, she exchanged a few stories about how "strong-willed" little Annika was, even when she was barely out of toddlerhood. Those stories captivated Mezoti, who asked if she could visit Aunt Irene when her own turn comes "to hear more stories about Seven when she was a little girl." Aunt Irene said she'd be "happy to comply" with Mezoti's request.

Seven told me she was certain the use of the word "comply" was accidental on the aunt's part, but all three of them were pleased to hear her say it, nonetheless. I'm very happy for Mezoti. She was feeling quite badly, I know, that she didn't know anyone she could "visit" when her chance came - and now she does.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54748**

The captain heard from Starfleet today that a Federation arbitrator has been assigned to contest Ardon Broht's claim that the Doctor has no rights, since he's a hologram, and therefore Broht and Forrester is not bound to honor the Doctor's contract or recall the program. Since the communication window is only open for eleven minutes a day between our ship and the Alpha Quadrant, the Arbitrator has set aside three days to hear testimony from both sides, but he's promised he will announce his decision promptly.

The hearing begins tomorrow. Unfortunately, this means the crew members who expected to speak with their family members during the three days the hearing takes place will have to wait until after the testimony phase has finished. Joe Carey is very unhappy. He was scheduled to be next to speak with his wife and sons. I assured him that the delay will only be for three days. He retorted, "A lot can happen out here in the Delta Quadrant in three days, Tuvix." I told him to "stay positive."

I hope he takes my advice. I understand his frustration, but what can we do? This hearing is vital to the Doctor's future. The captain is right to insist his status be clarified in law.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54754**

Joe Carey is a happy man today. He finally had the chance to visit with his family, now that the arbitration hearings have concluded. He went to the Doctor afterwards to apologize for complaining so vociferously about the delay to anyone who would listen. "I was out of line, Doctor. Sorry."

Our EMH graciously accepted Joe's apology. Now he hopes the Arbitrator's decision will force Ardon Broht to apologize, too. He promised to take only two days to deliberate upon the testimony before issuing his opinion. It will be a very long couple of days for the Doctor.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54755**

The Arbitrator's decision has been announced. While it wasn't the "win" the Doctor hoped for, it wasn't a total loss, either.

The captain allowed the entire crew to view the official logs of the hearing and the decision.

Seriously, one of Broht's arguments was that his most popular children's series was "written by Toby the Targ"! I suspect that Toby the Targ had to have had help from a Klingon or human author to tell his stories, since no Targ has ever been found to have the ability to speak, let alone write! He also claimed the EMH's production of his holonovel was analogous to the creation of his cup of coffee by a replicator. Father pointed out that a replicator "replicates" something already in existence, while the Doctor has actually created something which had never been seen before. Fortunately, from the decision, the arbitrator saw through Broht's facetious statements.

The Arbitrator's decision was worded thus: "The Doctor exhibits many of the traits we associate with a person. Intelligence, creativity, ambition, even fallibility, but are these traits real, or is The Doctor merely programmed to simulate them? To be honest, I don't know. Eventually we will have to decide, because the issue of holographic rights isn't going to go away; but at this time, I am not prepared to rule that The Doctor is a person under the law. However, it is obvious he is no ordinary hologram; and while I can't say with certainty that he is a person, I am willing to extend the legal definition of artist to include The Doctor. I therefore rule that he has the right to control his work, and I'm ordering all copies of his holo-novel to be recalled immediately."

Unsurprisingly, Ardon Broht has declared that any future holonovels the Doctor may wish to publish, including the revision of "Photons, Be Free," must be issued by another publisher. Since it's the company that puts out the Dixon Hill detective holonovels, Broht and Forrester has a good reputation; but I have grave doubts Broht will comply with the judge's order. I suspect that Starfleet will have to put pressure on him to make sure he does.

=/\=


	96. Measure of Grief

=/\=

 **Stardate 54769**

The captain has announced that we've received an official mission from Starfleet for the first time since _Voyager_ was lost in the Delta Quadrant. Shortly after the first warp drive engine was proven viable by Zefram Cochrane, Earth sent out a warp-powered probe packed with all sorts of information about Earth, its people, and technical data which would allow other species to communicate with Earth and "introduce" humanity to the universe. This occurred long before the Prime Directive had been issued, or, indeed, before Starfleet even existed. As Seven pointed out, if the Borg had intercepted Friendship One, Earth would have been assimilated long before this. Obviously, the Borg never did find it.

One hundred thirty years ago, Earth lost contact with the probe. _Voyager_ has been asked to search for it. At the time all communications ceased, the probe was traveling in this region of space. Admiral Hendrix has asked the captain to retrieve this little piece of history, if possible, since we've already succeeded in uncovering the true fate of Mars explorer Lieutenant John Kelly. Finding Friendship One would be another great achievement, which would reflect well on our entire crew, not just the captain. Obviously, this mission is especially important for our Maquis crew members, and perhaps those from the _Equinox_ as well.

The captain has ordered a change in course, and we've initiated a search for the missing probe, or whatever remnants we might find. The captain's enthusiasm has infected the entire crew, and we hope to document more of Earth's "baby steps into outer space" (a Tom quote, naturally).

=/\=

 **Stardate 54776**

We're on our way to Friendship One! It must have crash landed on a planet 130 years ago. Our long range scans haven't picked up any life signs there yet, which seems to have a climate which is consistent with a nuclear winter.

 **Supplemental**

Since the climate conditions are such that we cannot transport anyone directly down to the the planet to investigate, I've volunteered to become a member of the away team which flies to the surface in the _Delta Flyer_. Father thanked me, but the team will consist of Commander Chakotay, Dad, Tom, Harry, and Joe Carey. B'Elanna wanted to go, but Tom convinced her that Joe was a better choice as the away team's engineer. Her pregnancy is so advanced by now that exposing her baby to so much radiation is unwise, no matter how well her body is shielded by the EV suits the team will wear and through the Doctor's anti-radiation injections. She wasn't happy about it, but to protect the health of her child, she agreed to stay on board and monitor the situation from _Voyager._

 **Supplemental**

I'm devastated. We found Friendship One, but we lost Joe Carey.

A small remnant of this planet's native population have been clinging to life, hiding in caverns beneath the surface to escape the poisonous atmosphere of their planet. If we had not arrived here now, within a few years all of them would probably have died. We've done what we can to alleviate their suffering, but the fact remains: Friendship One was no friend to the people here. They would have been far better off if the probe had never fallen into their hands.

One hundred thirty-one years ago, when the probe landed here, the people had no inkling that a substance like antimatter existed. When they experimented with the probe's components, their efforts led to explosions which killed most of the population and resulted in a nuclear winter. With no sunlight reaching the planet's surface once it was enshrouded with radioactive clouds, they could no longer grow any food out in the open. They were barely hanging on, living in underground caverns. The background radiation impacted their fertility. The few babies who were born alive often did not survive to adulthood. The people - barely 5,500 of them - were covered with lesions. It was only a matter of time before their species became extinct.

We didn't know this at first, naturally. Pattern enhancers in hand to facilitate transport up to the ship, the away team arrived on the surface and split up. Dad, Tom, and Joe followed sensor readings that showed refined titanium, a major component of the probe's housing, to try to locate Friendship One, while the commander and Harry examined missiles in underground silos which they thought may have been responsible for the destruction of the planet's environment. After the commander and Harry discovered a native scientist named Otrin tampering with the _Delta Flyer_ , they had to flee because rockets were being fired at them. The rest of the team was captured and held hostage by some of the survivors. And Verin, their leader, was extremely belligerent.

The people of this planet believed Friendship One was sent to destroy them, to clear the way for the people of Earth to invade their world without opposition. When the captain tried to negotiate with him, and offered to work on undoing the damage to the planet's environment, Verin rejected her overtures. She then suggested that in exchange for one of the hostages, our crew would send them food and medicine while they tried to come to a solution. Verin agreed, but just as the transport for the exchange was initiated, he blew a hole in Joe's chest and killed him.

Thanks to his mobile emitter's ability to radically alter his appearance, the Doctor was able to impersonate one of the guards. Father and I were also part of the away team which rescued Dad and Tom. The EMH treated the people's radiation sickness with nanoprobes retrieved from Seven, Icheb, and Mezoti, and Otrin's theories of how to clear the atmosphere enough for the planet's ecology to recover were implemented. Complete recovery will take many years to achieve, but now the people can _have_ a future. But Joe is still dead. The injury to his chest was complicated by a concussion he sustained when the away team was captured. The nanoprobe technique Seven used to bring back Dad was implemented. This time it didn't work.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54780**

Joe's funeral was held today. To say everyone was despondent would be to understate the case. Even Father seemed far more subdued than usual. B'Elanna was extremely upset. She told everyone it should have been her on the surface of the planet, not Joe. Tom brought her back to their quarters almost immediately after the service to mourn privately, but most of the crew came to the wake Dad held for Joe in the Mess Hall. I stayed to the end, but only because I felt it was my duty to support Dad. He's feeling very guilty about his survival, but he shouldn't be. He tried to reason with Verin by telling him about what happened when Rinax was destroyed by the Metreon Cascade, but Verin ignored Dad's pleas to be patient.

The planet's people now look to Otrin as their leader, which I hope is a positive step towards rebuilding their world. He's a scientist, and his plan on how to clear the skies of radioactive clouds did work. He seems quite level-headed in comparison to their previous leader. We don't know what's going to happen to Verin. His people are holding him prisoner. Whether Verin will be able to convince them he was acting in their best interests and will be freed is up to them. We provided anti-radiation treatments for all of their people, despite what Verin did to Joe, and we sent them food. We did what we could to undo the damage caused when Friendship One crash landed on their world, even if the actual damage was done through their experimentation with the probe. They decrypted the greetings sent from Earth, so in that, we are partly to blame.

We can't be involved their decision to hold their murderous leader to account, because that's a strictly internal affair. To interfere with their decision would be against the Prime Directive. If anything, this incident shows why the Prime Directive is necessary. But poor Joe Carey is still dead.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54786**

A couple of days ago, the captain, the commander, and Father went to Joe's quarters to pack up his possessions to place them in storage. On the table, they discovered a model of _Voyager_ Joe had been meticulously constructing inside a bottle. It was almost finished; Joe never had the chance to add the last nacelle. When Father told me this, it struck me as a metaphor for Joe's life - unfinished. He _should_ have made it home to his family, even if our journey might take another thirty years. I was saddened when I heard, but the rest of what he told me was equally as disturbing, like the captain's actions - or more accurately, inaction - since the funeral.

Since Joe's service ended, Captain Janeway hasn't appeared on the bridge, nor has she been in her ready room. Commander Chakotay has taken charge again, just like he did when _Voyager_ was traversing that first, dark void we encountered when the captain sank into depression.

When she saw the _Voyager_ in a bottle, she picked it up and sadly told Father and Commander Chakotay that "space exploration isn't worth the loss of even one life." That's an incredible statement coming from her lips. It was hard for me to believe she actually said it, but since this isn't the first time she's lost perspective, I did. I went to Father with an idea. He approved of it and took me to speak with the commander, who also thought it was worth a try.

When I hit the chime on the door to her quarters, she didn't answer immediately. I used the comm to request a "visit" with her. She answered, but I think she was about to put me off until little Aimee squealed, "Appy!" the way she always does whenever she sees the captain or hears her voice. I explained I was in the corridor with Aimee, Naomi, and Mezoti. "We have something special to show you," I explained. After another pause, she called out "enter."

The first inside the captain's quarters was Aimee, walking all by herself between the two "big" girls. I followed them, with Marla stepping in behind, hovering in the background. Even a very depressed Captain Janeway couldn't resist smiling at our littlest crew member, who is just so proud of herself because she finally figured out how to balance on her own two feet long enough to walk more than three steps in any direction. When she arrived at the captain's knee, she lifted her little arms over her head and gurgled, "Appy! Up!"

How could the captain resist that innocent request? She could not. After glancing over at Marla, who nodded her assent, the captain scooped Aimee into her arms and pirouetted with the baby around the living quarter area, praising Aimee for being "such a smart and wonderful girl."

The captain asked if anyone would like refreshments, and Mezoti piped up, "Thank you, Captain Janeway. Some juice would be very nice. We brought cupcakes with us because we know you don't bake them very often." (Actually, "never" would be more accurate, since Commander Chakotay has spread stories of the dinner entrée "burnt offerings" she pulls out of her replicator!) We sat down and, for the next quarter hour, we had a lovely tea party. At one point, Naomi asked the captain if she would mind if she began to teach Aimee the dance routine the captain taught her from "Swan's Lake." I held my breath for a moment, but Naomi didn't utter, "Dying Swan dance," as I initially feared. A shadow crossed the captain's face, just for a second, so I'm sure she filled in that part on her own. However, she agreed that Naomi would be the "perfect dance teacher" for Aimee when she's ready for that sort of movement. Then she turned to Mezoti and asked her if she wanted to learn the dance, too. Mezoti said rather learn how to sing "the way the Doctor and Seven do" and proceeded to offer us a song she'd heard - once! We were all astonished by how well Mezoti performed "You'll Never Walk Alone." (And the lyrics were certainly all too appropriate for our visit today: "When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark . . . ") Before she'd finished, I decided to discuss training Mezoti's lovely voice with Seven and the Doctor as soon as possible.

Towards the end of our visit, Naomi asked, since she's the "Captain's Bridge Assistant," if there was anything Captain Janeway would like her to take care of until she "feels better." I don't know if Sam told her daughter that the captain was physically ill, or if our rapidly-developing Naomi figured out the truth when she learned the captain hadn't been seen on the bridge for the last few days. The captain assured Naomi that while Commander Chakotay has been doing a fine job taking care of the ship, she'll be back on duty "very soon."

Aimee had obviously enjoyed her cupcake, since its icing was smeared all over her face. She babbled happily throughout our impromptu tea party, but when she began to rub her eyes, that was Marla's cue to wipe her daughter's little face and announce it was nap time. We cleared the captain's table so she wouldn't have to do it, and we all said our goodbyes. They left, but I hung back and allowed the door to close behind them. The captain understood immediately what I was up to. "I assume you're going to ask for permission to speak freely?" When I answered in the affirmative, she said, "I've never withheld it whenever you've asked, have I, Tuvix? Permission granted, although I suspect I'm going to hear another lecture."

Encouraged that my little plan seemed to have buoyed her spirits a trifle, I replied, "Things didn't turn out that badly last time, when Mezoti decided to stay on board _Voyager_ , did it?"

She had to agree that they didn't. We sat back down at her table with two fresh cups of tea in front of us, and I asked her if she really did think the exploration of space wasn't worth the loss of one single person's life. "Lieutenant Kelly wouldn't have said that, even though the life lost was his own," I pointed out.

She sighed sadly. "He never said anything like that in his logs, at least. He just went on recording his observations from inside the graviton ellipse, for as long as he had breath. He couldn't know if they'd ever be found, but he stayed the course. He was such a brave man."

"You're just as brave, Captain."

She shook her head sadly. "I do my best, but I can get lost in my own nuclear winter sometimes. Whenever we lose a member of our crew - your twin Neevok, too, even though he was with us for such a short time - I feel each loss so keenly, it threatens to overwhelm me. I usually get over it fairly quickly, but Lieutenant Carey - he was one of the first to come on board this ship, you know. _Voyager_ was still under construction when he arrived. One of the hardest decisions I ever made was naming B'Elanna as Chief Engineer over him, even though she really was the right choice under the circumstances. After B'Elanna did all of that jury-rigging of the Borg warp coil, when we rescued Seven from the Borg Queen, Joe came to me and told me he understood why I chose her instead of him. He said he realized it wasn't just because I needed another Maquis senior officer. 'I hate to say it, Captain, especially since she broke my nose that time, but she grasps all that Borg stuff Seven dishes out a lot quicker than I do. And she's a great boss - as long as I remember to stay out of reach of her left fist whenever she gets ornery!'

"So losing Joe now, just when he'd be able to visit with his family regularly, to stay in touch with his growing sons and his lovely wife - Tuvix, it's just so unfair! And don't say anything to me about life being unfair. I know that. But it was just so . . . so senseless."

A few tears glistened in her eyes as she said this, and I must admit, I was feeling a little mist in my own. I told her I do understand, but I wanted her to remember exactly what Joe's sacrifice meant to the people on that planet where he lost his life. Thanks to our ship's exploration of space, we came to a ruined world and helped a climatologist save it who had no way to implement his plan until our arrival. By the time _Voyager_ left orbit, the skies over that planet were clearing. The weather may be erratic for years to come, but with the nuclear winter's grip broken, that world's ecology will be able to recover. The treatment for radiation sickness sent to the people by our Doctor will help them regain their health. Instead of dying at birth, the children of that world like our little girls will have a chance to live, to grow up, to contribute to their people's prosperity. None of those things could have occurred if we hadn't come to retrieve Friendship One, and then did what we could to reverse the damage the probe caused.

So far, I was simply stating the facts, but now I speculated about what Joe would have said, if he could have come back to life for a few moments to comfort his captain. "I think if Joe _knew_ he might be killed by a deranged man on that mission, but that thousands would gain a future that was basically non-existent before his death, he would have gone on that away mission anyway. I'm sure he would have preferred to live a long life. He was building that little _Voyager in a Bottle_ to bring home to his family a souvenir of this strange trip we've been on. But when Joe enlisted in Starfleet, he knew the risks. We all face the possibility of death every day, with every assignment, and sometimes, simply because we're flying through a part of space none of our people have ever visited before. Tom once told me those risks are 'part of the deal.' Joe accepted them. So honor him by not hiding out in your quarters again. Your crew needs you. We all feel better when you're on that bridge and leading us home."

Her eyes were still sad, but she grabbed my hands and squeezed them gently. "I know it's where I need to be, Tuvix, and I'll be out there again very soon. I promised our youngest crew members that, just a few minutes ago. And I always keep my promises."

I murmured I planned on holding her to that promise, and she smiled ruefully at me. I will, too.

To have remained any longer would have been counterproductive. She'd made a promise to the girls, and I know she does keep them to the very best of her ability. I was reluctant, but I knew the time had come to go, to give her a chance to decide when she'd return to the bridge.

I think the captain, in her grief, simply lost sight of the lessons we all learned when we found the remains of John Kelly, the 21st century astronaut lost during an early Mars expedition. He was the first to observe pieces of alien technology and report that "we are not alone." His logs may have been retrieved long after the people of Earth had become acquainted with alien species, but that doesn't diminish his accomplishment. He's now acknowledged to be the first human being to have confirmed that life does exist on alien worlds.

The captain is an explorer, too, and, when she needs to be, a warrior. She's suffering from a temporary madness, a measure of grief. It wasn't the _real_ Captain Kathryn Janeway who said those words to her first officer. I'm confident she'll be back very soon, and stronger than ever.

 **Supplemental**

When Father was transferring the main Tactical station to me tonight, Commander Chakotay suddenly called out, "Captain on the bridge." A quite composed Captain Janeway walked out of her ready room. After receiving a status update, she relieved the commander and took her usual place in the command chair. Commander Chakotay didn't leave, however. He moved to his seat and the pair quietly conversed for quite a while. When Lieutenant Rollins arrived to take command of Beta shift, the captain gave Rollins "the night off."

I wasn't the only one who breathed a sigh of relief at this. While I wouldn't be surprised if she returned to her quarters and grieved some more after her command stint was over, I'm certain she'll be back on the bridge again tomorrow - where she belongs.

=/\=

(Music credit for "You'll Never Walk Alone": Richard Rodgers/Oscar Hammerstein, from the 1945 musical play, "Carousel," Copyright: The Rodgers and Hammerstein Organization.)


	97. A First Contact Day Surprise

=/\=

 **Stardate 54952**

On First Contact Day, Commander Chakotay announced a momentous discovery. Tal Celes, who was serving at the science station on the bridge, detected Talaxian life signs on long range sensors, only a few light years from _Voyager's_ current position. Our vessel has traveled over 40,000 light years _away_ from Talax. How could any Talaxians have reached this far from home? Did they leave decades ago, like the Klingons we met a few months ago? Dad asked if the commander had confirmed the readings, since Celes has a reputation for making mistakes which is not entirely undeserved. He assured us he was certain they were correct. Celes herself had called him over to check the readings, since she couldn't believe what she was seeing, either. The commander's announcement threw a hyperspanner into Dad's big First Contact Day party.

We'd all been stuffing ourselves with Efram Cochrane's favorite snacks. The Doctor had checked them with his tricorder and denigrated them as food "having absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever." I begged to differ. "Cheese-filled pierogi are full of carbohydrates and delicious, buttery fat . . . along with a smidgen of protein." The EMH glared at me, but I stood my ground.

The Doctor then wanted to know why Dad couldn't have included a vitamin supplement when he replicated them. Dad was properly horrified. "I'll have you know I made these myself - from scratch!" (Actually, he had lots of help from Naomi, Mezoti, Icheb and me. We've been filling and pinching pockets of pierogi dough so they'd hold together while they boiled for the most of the last three days. Rather than insert myself into Dad's argument with the EMH, I refrained from correcting him.) The Doctor had sniffed disdainfully without further comment, but that probably was mainly due to Father's arrival at the party to fulfill his "role" in Dad's celebration, not the fact that the EMH didn't have more to say.

Father had agreed to deliver the famous greeting, "Live long and prosper," which were the first words ever heard by humans meeting members of an extraterrestrial intelligent species according to the historical record. Reluctantly, he uttered his line; but he absolutely refused to follow that up by dancing, too, no matter how much Dad pleaded. Father believes that part of the story is apocryphal. I had been about to tell Dad to leave Father alone when Commander Chakotay came into the Mess Hall to tell us about the Talaxians. I wasn't at all surprised when Father said he "needed to reconfirm the findings" and excused himself to go to the bridge, neatly escaping from Dad's continued begging for "just a couple of steps."

Even Seven congratulated Celes for her perceptiveness and attention to detail. The Bajoran officer's face glowed with pleasure, since our perfectionist former Borg is usually quite critical of Celes' performance. Seven and Celes triangulated the initial readings and identified the source, within an asteroid field situated a mere 4.9 light years away.

Since our hails have not been answered and the asteroids in the field are too densely packed for _Voyager_ to traverse through safely, the captain assigned Dad, Father and Tom to investigate in the much more maneuverable _Delta Flyer_. I asked Father if I could go, too, but since I'm his designated back up for this shift, he wants me to remain on the bridge at Tactical.

As close as _Voyager_ is to their position, I can't imagine the Talaxians aren't receiving our hails. There could be a significant amount of interference because of the minerals we've detected here, so it's possible they simply haven't detected our attempts to reach them. I hope that's all it is, and that the people in there are all right.

 **Supplemental**

The atmosphere on the bridge was intense. We heard Tom let us know about the _Flyer_ taking hits from explosive charges as they approached the asteroid, but then there was silence. Hours passed without even a Mayday call before we heard from him again. He confirmed the _Delta Flyer_ had made a very hard landing on the asteroid. He couldn't contact us immediately about the shuttle's condition because our away team was placed in custody by the Talaxians. They've had trouble from an alien mining consortium which has demanded they evacuate their asteroid. The miners want to break it up to obtain its mineral deposits. The Talaxians, thinking _Voyager_ was connected with that group, were reluctant to answer our initial hails.

About five hundred colonists live inside their asteroid, which they've hollowed out to build their homes. They've explained they have no place else to go to the consortium's representative, a Commander Nocona. He's been given his orders, however, and insists they go "anyplace else but here." The _Flyer_ was damaged by explosive charges set by the miners. It's a good thing Tom was at the helm, or everyone on board might have been killed. Tom and Father have been repairing the shuttle, but when Tom first reported in to _Voyager_ , he didn't know where Dad was. The entire away team had been rendered unconscious by the crash. When Tom and Father woke up, Dad wasn't with them.

After Dad woke up, he was interrogated by the colonists. Naturally, he gave the same explanation of the away team's presence as the "aliens" the colonists were holding, and the Talaxians released all of them. Once Dad learned of the trouble with the miners, he suggested that representatives from the colony come to _Voyager_ and ask Captain Janeway to help them come to an agreement with the consortium representatives. The woman who cared for Dad when he was injured will be part of the delegation. I'm eager to meet her. I've never met a female Talaxian in person before! She's bringing her son along, so I will also have a chance to meet a Talaxian child for the first time, too.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54955**

As soon as I met Dexa, I could see Dad was very taken by her. She's very attractive, and her son Brax is a lovely boy, too. When I spoke with him for the first time, he was in the Mess Hall playing Kadis-kot with Naomi and Mezoti. Brax asked me where I was from because I "looked a little Talaxian." I explained that he was half right. I told him the story of how I came to be, and he thought it was "cool." (Brax apparently has a sponge for a brain. He heard Tom tell him their underground colony was "cool" on the trip to _Voyager_ , and now, according to Mezoti, everything he sees on our ship is "cool," too. Brax was very little when the Talaxians arrived at the asteroid belt. He only has dim memories about life anywhere else.) After a while, Dexa and Dad came in and sat down with us. I asked Dexa to tell us how they came to be here, so far from Talax. It's quite a tale.

The Krowtonan Guard, allies of the Haakonians, provided security duties on Talax. Since the Haakonian occupation had become oppressive, their group of about seven hundred people decided to settle someplace else and left in a small convoy of ships. While the Talaxian ships were on the run from the Guard, who were chasing after them to force them to return to Talax, their ships fell into a subspace tunnel of some kind. They couldn't believe how fast they seemed to be going, even though the tunnel appeared to be ancient. They couldn't get out of it, however, until a group of aliens who called themselves the Turei confronted them and accused them of traveling through their under-space corridors "without authorization."

"We explained we were caught inside the tunnels and asked the Turei to help us escape, which they did; but afterwards, they boarded our vessels and told us we had to pay them for our 'passage' with all their spare dilithium crystals. We didn't have that much to spare. The Turei claimed it wasn't enough, but since that's all we had to give them, they finally accepted it. But first, they insisted upon removing every bit of data about their underspace from our computer cores before releasing us. We only had enough dilithium in our matrices to go 5,000 light years without finding more, which was a problem. We hadn't expected to travel that far from Talax to find someplace else to live. And they also made us promise not to share the secret of the underspace with _anyone_. You won't say anything to the captain about this, will you?"

Dad and I assured Dexa she didn't have to worry, since we'd had our own run-in with the Turei and their underspace. Dexa was relieved that she hadn't revealed anything to us we didn't already know. Then she mused, "My husband Baxin and I wondered if the Turei could be the 'Deadly Strangers' from the stories his grandfather used to tell him when he was young. You know, the ones in the old Talax-ilzay tongue? Even the titles are disturbing. _The Tale of the Bloody Hand. The Demon with the Golden Voice. The Tale of the Boy Who Lost His Head_ \- which literally happened to the boy! Baxin used to tell them to Brax at bedtime, even though I always thought they weren't really suitable for a very little boy trying to go to sleep."

"The stories aren't at all pleasant," Dad agreed. "But the Turei aren't the 'Deadly Strangers' of the tales. When we met them, we also met the Vaadwaur. Their neighbors attacked them for doing just those sorts of terrible things that are described in the stories. A group hid themselves beneath the surface of their home planet in cryogenic sleep, expecting to wake up a few decades later. There was a failure in their systems. Until we accidentally woke them up, they'd slept for about 900 years. They're loose in the Delta Quadrant again, thanks to us, I'm afraid."

"Nine hundred years? The Talax-ilay stories date from a thousand years ago," Dexa noted. "Do you think our ships fell into one of the tunnels they'd built to attack Talax?"

"Actually, the Vaadwaur admitted to mapping the subspace corridors. They never claimed to create them," I said. "The corridors are artificial constructs, so someone built them; but we've never found out who they were or what's happened to them. We're sure it wasn't the Turei. They 'possess' the corridors because they attack anyone else who tries to use them, the way they did to your people and _Voyager_. If their own people had built those corridors, they'd have trumpeted that fact to Captain Janeway after we accidentally landed in one."

Before I could go into detail about how we escaped the Vaadwaur with the _help_ of the Turei, Mezoti asked Dexa, "If you were so short of dilithium, how did you get to your asteroid?"

"We detected some crystals on an H-class planet and mined them. There wasn't any surface water at all there, and it was so far from its red giant sun, the planet's climate was brutally cold. We decided to move on. We found a more suitable place to settle, but a group calling themselves the Devore told us the planet belonged to them. They asked us if we were telepaths, and we laughed in their faces! But they still forced us to leave. After traveling on a little further, we found another planet that had plenty of open space. The leaders told us we could stay there, as long as we kept within a very small area of the sparsely settled southern continent. A year later, some of our neighbors became unhappy with the 'unwanted intruders.'" Dexa paused, in some distress. Wrapping an arm around Brax's shoulders, she added sadly, "My Baxin was killed protecting Brax and me from the attackers."

For the next three years, the Talaxians traveled around, looking for a place they could call home. None of the people living in this sector of space were willing to grant them refuge. Whenever they identified asteroids or dwarf planets with dilithium deposits, they mined what they could and used the excess to trade for other necessary commodities.

"When we came here, we didn't find dilithium; but this asteroid is so large, we decided we could dig chambers inside and build homes here. You see, while we were wandering from place to place, we often talked about how we'd made a mistake by leaving that first H-class planet we found. If its climate had been even a little more favorable, we might have stayed there. We could have burrowed underground and found water for our use by extracting it from ores in the rocks. When we realized we could use geothermal energy to melt ice from this asteroid's surface in sufficient quantities for our use, including growing food hydroponically, we decided we could 'unmake' that mistake. We thought no one would bother us if we lived _inside_ an asteroid!"

But then Nocona's group appeared, a year ago by our Federation calendar, and did just that. They demanded the colonists find another place to settle. By now, though, that's impossible. "We cannibalized all but one of our ships to build our underground city. We only have one ship that's space-worthy, and it isn't large enough to move all of our people to another planet. How many times must we 'move along' to 'someplace else' anyway? We don't have another place to go to!"

I didn't say anything, but I knew _we_ could transport them someplace else. We couldn't move the inhabitants of the planet where Friendship One landed because that group was more than ten times the size of the Talaxian population. But we'd transported a group of five hundred Klingons to a new home only a few months ago. I'm sure Captain Janeway would help the Talaxians, too, if Seven identified a world on which they could settle. But they want to stay here. They've been pushed around so many times already. This time they want to make a stand. If they moved again, they'd really have to start from scratch. They'd have to leave everything behind and wouldn't have their ships to use as a resource. _Voyager_ doesn't have the capacity to move all their people along with their equipment. There's also no reason to believe people living on M-class planets in this sector would welcome this foreign group any more than everyone else the Talaxians have already encountered during their long exodus.

The captain has scheduled a meeting between Nocona and the Talaxians for tomorrow. I hope we can convince Nocona to leave the asteroid alone so the colonists can remain in their homes. There are plenty of asteroids here. Why can't Nocona simply take his minerals out of the others and leave the colonists' alone?

 **Supplemental**

At the meeting in the conference room, Nocona insisted that 40% of the minerals he needs to mine are situated in this particular asteroid. When Dad told me this, I checked our scans. What Nocona said is simply not true. The same minerals which make up the Talax II asteroid are just as abundant in other asteroids in this belt. The real reason is much simpler. The asteroid is so large, it will be easier for his team to obtain the minerals by blasting this one apart. I suspect the consortium's scans have identified the refined metals which make up the Talaxian colony's equipment as "accessible" minerals for them to mine, too. My scans of the asteroid belt show that this asteroid contains less than 4%, not 40%, of the minerals they've been instructed to retrieve, if only raw ores are counted.

I don't think Nocona is acting in bad faith, exactly. He's under orders to obtain a certain volume of minerals, and his superiors told him which asteroids he was to blast in order to get them. The consortium officials want to scoop up as much as they can as quickly as possible so they can move on to another "business opportunity." Corralling the smaller asteroids and breaking them apart would take more time and effort, which, of course, means it would cost more, too.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54957**

Dad has an idea which could prevent the destruction of the colony. He's traveling to the asteroid in his own ship to present his plan to the colonists. He'll implement it for them, if they agree, since their remaining space-worthy craft isn't powerful enough for the task. Dad believes a system of interlocking shields would repel the explosive charges the miners are using. Captain Janeway was sympathetic when he explained his plan to her, but because of Prime Directive considerations, she's reluctant to intervene. In view of her feelings, Dad will be alone on the _Baxial_ when he places the shield emitters on the asteroid's surface. I wanted to help, but Father reminded me that as a Starfleet officer, I must follow the Prime Directive. Father _is_ my superior officer, so I couldn't offer my services.

(Personally, I don't believe the Prime Directive applies to this dispute. We would be protecting a small group from aggressive acts imposed upon them by a larger, unrelated one. It isn't an internal issue. Considering some other difficult decisions the captain has had to make that have had Prime Directive implications, however, perhaps she's wise to be cautious this time.)

The captain has ordered the _Delta Flyer_ to fly "a reconnaissance mission" while Dad is setting the shield emitters in place, however. She told Tom and me that she anticipates we might receive a "distress call" while we're on this mission. She didn't provide us with any details about the source of her "premonition," but she promised Tom and me that we won't have to worry about receiving any demotions or spend time in the brig if, at some point during the next few hours, we must protect a small, vulnerable ship that is being attacked by a heavily armed vessel

As Tom said as we were leaving the Ready Room, "Message received, loud and clear."

=/\=

 **Stardate 54858**

It's done. The emitters are in place. The asteroid has been protected from further attempts to break it apart through the use of explosive devices. Once Nocona realized it was useless to continue attacking the asteroid, he left the asteroid belt. The captain was quite prescient. Tom and I _did_ have to protect a smaller vessel from an "obviously unprovoked attack from a much larger and powerful mining vessel," as our official log entry puts it. Dad was thrilled to see us come to his rescue and thanked us for "saving his skin." And the captain has congratulated us on our "successful reconnaissance mission."

When we returned to _Voyager_ , the captain announced we would maintain our presence near the asteroid belt for several more days, to make sure this truly _is_ the end of the threat to the colony. If Commander Nocona should approach the asteroid belt while we're still here, she will again offer _Voyager_ to serve as a neutral site for negotiations between the colonists and the miners.

Dad has conceived of another, quite excellent plan, which could bring about a rapprochement with Nocona's employers and assure permanent peace for the colonists. His "business partnership" concept, which is quite intriguing, recommends the colonists and miners cooperate with each other. "Whenever the colonists dig out a new cavern or tunnel, there's leftover debris. If they decide to excavate areas which contain veins of the most desirable minerals, they can trade this debris to the miners for a percentage of the profits. The colonists would get rid of something that would otherwise clutter up their corridors, and the miners would get what _they_ want without having to expend much energy to obtain it, and without the necessity of displacing displace the colonists from their refuge."

I hope Nocona does come back, because his mining consortium would do well to listen to what Dad has to say. Before my advent, Dad once went "undercover" as a Ferengi, in order to stop a couple of them who had accidentally traveled through a wormhole from the Alpha Quadrant from exploiting the people on the Delta Quadrant planet where they'd landed. He's been the captain's chief trade negotiator for years now, obtaining commodities our crew requires as we travel homeward. And, of course, Dad really had to scrabble in the years after his family on Rinax were destroyed. He learned a thing or two about making deals then, too. Dad's proposal sounds good to me. Everybody wins if it's put into operation.

=/\=


	98. The Call of Home

=/\=

 **Stardate 54867**

I need to make a very difficult decision.

Dexa has asked Dad to stay at the Talax II colony with her and her son Brax. He told her he was honored that she would ask him, but he needed to talk it over with me before he gave her his decision. She told Dad, "Your son is a wonderful man. He takes so much after you. He'll be welcome here, too."

When he came to me to tell me about her offer, I asked him if he'd invited Dexa and Brax to travel on to the Alpha Quadrant on _Voyager_ with us. He said he has, and she will not leave her people. I understand, but it saddens me. I know Dad really wants to stay with her. He's smitten by Dexa's beauty, intelligence, and courage. We've both become very fond of her son Brax, who is a charming youngster. Dad is an excellent father. I'm in a very good position to know that! And if I remained here, I'd have a brother again. I haven't had a sibling since Neevok sacrificed himself to bring our fathers back to life. Although I knew Neevok for only a couple of hours, I've always missed him. Our family life would be much more traditional in nature if we stayed here.

I know how devastated my Dad was when he discovered his entire family, including his dear sister Alixia, had perished in the Metreon Cascade. That memory is just as vivid in my mind as it is in his. Truly, he's been looking for another family ever since. He thought he'd found one with Kes, but she ended their romantic relationship months before she left this ship. Since then, although he's had a couple of flings (most notably with Ch'Rega), he's never been as close to another female as he was to Kes. He's said to me many times that having me as his son is the most important relationship he's had since the tragedy of Rinax. I believe my presence on _Voyager_ is the main reason he hasn't already agreed to stay with Dexa and Brax.

Father, of course, will continue on to the Alpha Quadrant to rejoin his wife and family on Vulcan. I spoke with them over Operation Watson several weeks ago, and I'd love to meet them all in person. If Dad remains behind, I must choose whether I will live as a Talaxian or as a Vulcan for the rest of my life. (Fortunately, the fragment of my heritage from the orchid family has no way to express an opinion. Even if it could, I doubt it would care one way or the other.)

After Dad came to me to discuss the offer, I remembered the incident which prompted Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry to duplicate me. I wondered how Lieutenant Thomas Riker was doing. Since our contacts with the Alpha Quadrant have permitted regular updates to _Voyager's_ database, I accessed his Starfleet record to see what's become of him.

What I discovered was devastating. After transferring from the _Enterprise_ to another vessel, Lieutenant Riker had difficulty adjusting to the expectations of his superiors at his new posting. After spending so many years on his own, he found Starfleet regulations very confining. Several incidents occurred which made him subject to disciplinary action and are noted in his permanent record. Eventually, he elected to resign his commission.

Many months later, after joining the Maquis movement, W. Thomas Riker went to Deep Space Nine, impersonated his twin, Commander William T. Riker, and stole the _Defiant,_ a vessel assigned to the Deep Space Nine station. He took the _Defiant_ into Cardassian space, but he was arrested. After he was convicted of treason and other offenses, he was given a life sentence. This penalty was imposed even though his actions revealed that, despite their denials, the Cardassians had been establishing bases to prepare for an invasion of the Federation - which occurred a short time later. To shield the others who were with him on the _Defiant_ from punishment, Thomas Riker agreed to be transferred to the Cardassian prison on Jaros II and serve his sentence there.

This information was disturbing enough. However, the record went on to state that Klingon forces invaded the prison after the Empire declared war on Cardassia. All of the jailers lost their lives, as did many of the prisoners, who were caught in the crossfire. A small number were rescued and expatriated to Bajor, but Thomas Riker's name does not appear on any survivor lists. Due to its strategic location, Jaros II was the site of several fierce battles during the Dominion War. A Federation investigative team that traveled there after the war ended was unable to recover any humanoid remains at the site of the prison, which had been obliterated during the fighting. As a result, W. Thomas Riker's current status is listed as "Missing, Presumed Dead."

While my life over the past five years on _Voyager_ is in no way comparable to what he endured for eight lonely years on Nervala IV, I found myself wondering how a half-Talaxian, half-Vulcan being would be received in the Alpha Quadrant. It's true, we might not get there for decades, but I am truly unique. The closest Talaxians to Earth are here. Talax II is over 30,000 light years from there. Much as I would like to believe otherwise, without my Dad Neelix, there might not be a place for me in the Alpha Quadrant. I'm quite certain I wouldn't fit in well on Vulcan.

My progress with Vulcan mental techniques has plateaued. While meditation calms me whenever I become over emotional, I know I've never learned emotional control as well as Father would have liked to see. All hope I will ever learn how to meld minds without assistance was extinguished years ago. Father's been too kind to ever tell me, "It's the Neelix in you," but both of us know that's the reason. He doesn't fault me for my failings, but it might be a struggle for my half-sister and half-brothers, who have learned emotional control, to accept me as I am. I fear life on Vulcan would always be difficult for our entire family.

Conversely, the training I've received from Father could be quite an asset on Talax II. I could be a resource for teaching the colonists to focus their attention upon their tasks, something Father has been emphasizing during my recent training sessions. Dad's admitted that the inability to maintain focus upon primary issues can be a great weakness for Talaxians. He's fully aware he's had problems with this himself. This appears to have been a factor in the failure of the asteroid's colonists to negotiate effectively with Commander Nocona and his miners up to now. I've been much more impressed by Dexa's leadership skills than Oxilon's, who is nominally in charge of the colony. Her perceptiveness and clarity of expression have served the people in the asteroid well. Oxilon never presents himself as confident in the positions he takes, which is a necessity when negotiating with people like the mining consortium.

While it would be painful to leave _Voyager_ and everyone I know here right now, at some point, after the ship reaches the Alpha Quadrant, this crew will disperse. I trust I'd still have a place as an officer in Starfleet, but I'll have to say good-bye to my _Voyager_ family upon our return. As difficult as it would be to bid farewell to Naomi and our Delta Quadrant natives Mezoti and Icheb now, I'll have to do it then anyway. I'm sure, since they're still very young and adaptable, they'll adjust to a new life in the Alpha Quadrant, whenever it comes about, better than I will. As long as her mother remains a constant in her life, baby Aimee will, too.

The hardest one for me to say good-bye to, if I chose to stay with the Talaxians, would be Father Tuvok. While he has never been able to _say_ he loves me because of Vulcan cultural norms, I know he does. Before he abandoned his attempt to teach me the mind-melding techniques at which he excels, I could sense this. He rigidly controls his emotions, but whenever he melds with me, his pride and love are clear. I can sense he's kept other things from me, however. One must be his disappointment that, despite my knowing _what_ to do to perform a mind meld, I still cannot do it with anyone but him, and only when he initiates the meld.

Whatever course of action I choose, I will be separated from one of my parents. Since I must expect this to be a permanent loss, I need to consider all of the variables very carefully before choosing what to do. I will pull out my meditation lamp this evening to help me concentrate on the problem at hand.

This decision is just as critical as the one Neevok and I made, when we decided which of us was to live and who would accept death for the sake of our fathers. I don't believe a broken stalk of hay will help me this time. If only Neevok were still here with us! One of us could remain here with Dad while the other traveled on with Father. It's pointless to even think of that now. If he were here, Father and Dad would not be.

Although I can't help wishing we could find another of those strange worlds nearby, like Nervala IV or Neevok's Planet, so I could be duplicated one more time to resolve this problem in a more satisfying a way, it wouldn't really help. Our family would still be sundered. This decision falls upon me alone. I'm the only one who can choose where I will live the rest of my life.

 **Supplemental**

Dad and Father suggested I speak with Dexa and Brax about their offer for me to make my home on Talax II instead of traveling on to the Alpha Quadrant. I hailed them, and we had a very pleasant conversation. She assured me I would be welcome. Brax begged me to stay, since he's "always wanted a brother." Once our communication terminated, I was certain their desire for me to join the colony was genuine - but I still wasn't sure what I should do.

This evening, Dad and I visited Naomi and Samantha Wildman's quarters. While I had not yet made a decision about whether to remain on the ship or live on Talax II permanently, Dad had decided the Talaxians need the skills he's learned during his travels on _Voyager_. He's staying. He explained that while it will be exceedingly painful for him if I choose to remain on the ship, "You're not a child, my son. You're a fully-grown man who has endured much since your advent. I trust you to make the best . . . the most . . . logical choice." He smiled sadly when he said this, for this was his way of acknowledging the Vulcan half of my heritage.

When we arrived at the Wildman quarters, Mezoti and Icheb were there with Naomi. I believe they all anticipated hearing that Dad had chosen to stay with Dexa and Brax. Mezoti's and Icheb's faces were even more solemn than usual, and Naomi and Sam's eyes were already red from crying. Dad told them how much he was going to miss them. Then, as Dad usually does, he managed to turn a very sad occasion into a pleasant one. He began to reminisce. As we recalled various incidents from our lives together, our spirits lifted. He promised to remember them always and pointed out that he'll be able to keep in touch with them. Captain Janeway has received permission to provide the colony with the equipment needed to enable _Voyager_ and the Alpha Quadrant to communicate through Operation Watson. Dad maintains our physical parting will be less painful since we'll be able to "visit" with each other regularly.

A little while later, I offered to go to the Mess Hall to obtain the fruit pie Dad had set aside from tonight's supper hour for us to enjoy at our little get-together. Mezoti asked if she could accompany me to get it. As we walked down the corridor to the turbolift, Mezoti turned towards me and said, "You've decided to stay with Neelix, haven't you?"

I explained that I had yet to make my final choice. She stopped walking and gazed at me in that implacable, all-knowing way she has. I took a breath and admitted, "I _am_ leaning towards staying with Neelix. You do understand it's different for me, don't you? It's not like what happened when you decided at the last minute not to leave with Azan and Rebi."

"I know. No matter how you choose, you'll leave one of your fathers behind. I have no blood relatives. They must have been assimilated at the same time I was. And I was never close to Azan and Rebi the way I am to Icheb and Seven."

"Then why did you agree to leave _Voyager_ with them?"

She sighed, and suddenly, she looked much older than nine years of age. "The twins said they wanted me to stay with them. I was a familiar face, someone they already knew. They didn't know any of their own people then. I'm sure they're fine now that they've lived with their relatives for a while. The relatives wanted me to live with them, too. It was nice to be wanted, since the Norcadi never did. And I knew the captain wanted me to stay, too. So I said I would."

"But then you couldn't leave Icheb and Seven."

"No. At the last minute, I realized they were my family, even if Icheb is Brunali and Seven is human. They know me and care for me in ways the boys never have. I felt so terrible when I got up on the transporter platform and realized I'd never see Seven and Icheb again if I left. That's when you came in, when you saw me decide to stay. I'm glad I did. Azan and Rebi's relatives were nice, but leaving _Voyager_ would have been a mistake. But you're going to leave us."

We entered the turbolift. Neither of us said anything other than the little that was necessary to pack up a tray of plates and utensils to go with the pie. "We'll replicate drinks at the Wildman quarters," I said to her. She nodded, but we said nothing else the rest of the way back to Dad, Icheb, and the Wildmans. She gave me the space to really think about what to do.

By the time we arrived at the Wildman quarters, Seven was there. I'd brought extra plates and utensils, "just in case" she was willing to tear herself away from Astrometrics for an hour or two. The pie was good. It was seasoned just right, with only enough spice to enhance the fruit filling. Dad, of course, had wanted to add more. I managed to convince him a little was plenty.

Mezoti helped me gather up the used dishes to put into the recycler. Just as we finished, she caught my eye and said quietly, "Species 218."

I knew exactly what she meant. It's true. When I'm on duty, I utilize my Vulcan traits; but the rest of the time, I _am_ much more Talaxian than Vulcan. At that moment I knew she was right about something else, too. I would be leaving _Voyager_ to stay with Dad on Talax II.

As Dad and I were leaving the get-together, Mezoti slipped out of the Wildman quarters after us. Dad was surprised. I was not. As soon as the door closed behind us, I told her, "I will be very sad to leave you, my very dear, 'unofficial goddaughter.' You will be quite a formidable individual when you're fully grown, I can see that even now! I would love to be able to see you when you're in full bloom."

"You will. You'll watch me grow up. I won't be with you in person, but I'll send messages to you through the datastream. And you'll send me messages, won't you?"

She said this so plaintively, my heart broke a little, and so did my voice, when I answered, "Of course I will!"

Mezoti took a step forward and hugged me. Or maybe I hugged her. Perhaps we really hugged each other. Dad stepped forward and embraced us both. He'd heard us, of course, and he understood what we were saying. I was going to stay with him.

When Mezoti stepped back, I saw she had tears in her eyes, which is so very uncharacteristic of her. "Thank you for staying with me when Seven was so sick and Icheb almost died," she whispered. I told her it was one of the best times of my life. I was very happy how everything had worked out for both of them, but especially, for her. She wiped her eyes, whirled around, and before either Dad or I knew it, she'd disappeared inside the Wildman quarters.

I will miss all my former Borg friends very much, but especially my dear Mezoti. I'm sure they'll be successful in all they do once they reach the Alpha Quadrant. As Dad and I walked down the corridor to convey my decision to the captain, I felt split in two. It was as if I was myself and my brother Neevok once again. I almost wished I _was_ two people. I wanted to stay, but I needed to go, just like Mezoti had said about her choices all those months ago. She'd made the correct decision for herself then - just as I was doing today.

=/\=

 **Stardate 54869**

I'm packing up my quarters. Dad is ecstatic that I will be staying with him when _Voyager_ proceed on its way towards the Alpha Quadrant. While my primary reason for moving to the asteroid is that I don't wish to be separated from him, I know my presence will also be of benefit to the Talaxian colonists. I hope Dexa and Brax will benefit, as well.

Dad accompanied me when I went to Father Tuvok to disclose my decision to stay with the Talaxians. Father told us he anticipated that would be my choice. He said that as much as he would grieve my loss, we will be able to maintain contact through Operation Watson. The captain has received permission to name Dad as the permanent "Federation Ambassador to the Delta Quadrant." Father told Dad he richly deserves this honor, since he's proven himself many times to be the kind of leader this colony needs so desperately.

After thanking Father for this compliment, Dad left me alone with him for a private good-bye. We shared the reasons I came to the decision I did. He found no fault with my logic. He pointed out that upon his return to the Alpha Quadrant, he would be going back to T'Pel and his children. While Neelix will "undoubtedly" have Dexa and Brax, it is fitting that he also has his own son to become part of their blended family.

In this private leave-taking, I proved I was not wholly Vulcan by the way I teared up as I embraced him. While Father usually has trouble hugging others (especially Dad), he had no trouble hugging me. When alone, Vulcans express their true feelings towards their close family members. The emotions are always there, as I know well, but they remain buried deep within their psyches until an event such as this brings them to the surface. He was not tearful, but his embrace was intense.

I am bringing all the PADDs Father has ever given me about mental disciplines, meditation, and Vulcan philosophy, including several additional ones he had not seen fit to bestow on me before now. He also game me a memoir of the time he spent in training with a Vulcan master, when he was an adolescent who had to work very hard to learn not only how, but why he needed to control his emotions: to prevent them from controlling him. It was a stressful time, but it turned Father into the man I honor as my mentor, as well as my parent.

I'm also bringing many souvenirs of my time on _Voyager_ to my new home. The bulk of them are holoimages the Doctor has given me. They document important events in my life on _Voyager_ , including images of all my "advent day parties." I will thank him when I see him for all he has done for me over the years.

To Dad's and my great pleasure, the captain has presented the colony with holoemitters and programs to allow us to create our own holosuite. Since our asteroid is rather devoid of natural beauty, she's provided us with all the programs that depict scenic landscapes. When she gave this technology to us, the captain commented, "After what happened because I shared holographic technology with the Hirogen, I can't imagine I'll get into any more trouble by leaving it with the Federation Ambassador to the Delta Quadrant and his son!" Tom made sure the entire set of the National Park Hiking Trails and Captain Proton Adventure series, as well as the Sandrine's and Fair Haven programs, were included. Dad was thrilled because he was able to copy his Paxau Resort program. He'll be able to spend time there with Dexa and Brax. And if I should find a way to contact Alyara to let her know I've remained in the Delta Quadrant, we'll be able to enjoy the Ktarian moonrise simulation if she ever visits. I understand it's a very romantic program. (Harry made sure it was among the programs left with us. He said he hasn't experienced it with Seven yet, but he hopes to convince her to stroll through it with him someday.)

A few objects have meaning only for me. The most precious are the clay sculptures Mezoti crafted for me: her depiction of my "unique" head, which she made after finishing one of Seven of Nine, and the self-portrait she presented me a few months ago on my advent-day. Icheb gave me a small fragment of one of the Borg implants the Doctor removed from his body when the children first came aboard _Voyager,_ encased inside a flat-bottomed glass half-globe dotted with multi-colored glass fragments. He called it a replica of an "old fashioned paperweight," a thank you for staying with Mezoti while he was recovering from surgery. Seven's goodbye gift was a construct of glowing blue dots arranged in a spherical pattern, enclosed within a clear cube. I didn't immediately recognize what the image represented. I thought it was an abstract Borg cube until she whispered, "It is the image of perfection." That's when I realized it was a recreation of the pattern in which "the molecules we must not name" had arranged themselves, just before _Voyager's_ photon torpedo destroyed them. Knowing how precious that moment was for her, I thanked Seven profusely.

My last meeting with "my Borg family" was very emotional. I wasn't at all Vulcan when I said goodbye to Seven, Icheb, and Mezoti. I can't stop wishing that my "unofficial goddaughter" could stay with us on Talax II, but Mezoti belongs with Seven and Icheb.

Naomi's gift to me was a facsimile of the illustrated children's book we made together (when she was only two years old!), during our interminable trip through the first Void. It will be painful for me to say good-bye to Naomi and her mother Sam, but it will be worse for Dad. He's Naomi's godfather. Fortunately, she's maturing at a rapid rate. I trust she won't become too upset. At least she'll have Mezoti and Icheb to keep her company.

I hope all my friends on _Voyager_ understand why I have to leave. Other than Father, of course, the officers I will miss the most will be Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry. If not for them, I wouldn't be here to join the Talaxian colony inside their asteroid. Tom and B'Elanna have assured me they'll send me images of their daughter once she's born. I look forward to seeing her, even if it will only be on a view screen.

I've decided to end my personal log with this entry, a symbol that my days on _Voyager_ have also come to an end. Naturally, I will retain a copy of it to bring with me to Talax II. It's a precious artifact documenting my time on this ship. I know I'll go back to it frequently, to refresh my memory of the events, both good and bad, which I experienced here. During my meeting with the captain and commander, when I formally resigned my commission, I provided them with the code to open the original, which will remain within _Voyager's_ computer. At some point they may have questions about things I had no occasion to share with them earlier during my time on this vessel and will wish to consult this record. Father already has the code, of course. I gave it to him when we said our private goodbyes.

While I should have liked to have seen the Alpha Quadrant for myself, this decision is the best one for me and for the colonists of Talax II as well.

I do retain one glimmer of hope that I will eventually get the chance to get there someday. If any of the advanced propulsions systems obtained during _Voyager's_ travels become available for use within my lifetime, I may yet have an opportunity to visit Earth and Vulcan. But this I know: I am meant to live the rest of my life with other Talaxians. Especially Dad.


	99. Personal Log, Stardate 54896 & Afterward

**=/\=**

 **Stardate 54869 - Personal Log of Lieutenant Commander Tuvok**

As _Voyager_ was about to leave the asteroid belt to resume its journey to the Alpha Quadrant, my son Tuvix formally resigned from Starfleet. He has bestowed the digital key to his personal log to me and to our superior officers, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. His official log entries are a part of _Voyager's_ record as a matter of course, but he also wished us to have entrée into his private thoughts for the period he lived with us on _Voyager_. He also expressed the desire for me to bring his personal log home to Vulcan, in lieu of his _katra_ (since, as he said in his inimitable way, he remains in need of his soul at present). Tuvix is a true son of Vulcan, even though he may never set foot in the system where his Father was born.

Tuvix stated another reason he wished to share his memories with me in this manner. He told me that I shared mine with him when he was inadvertently created from his "Dad" Neelix and his "Father" Tuvok, through the influence of a third, most disinterested party, a very unusual orchid plant. Perhaps I should add the fourth "parent" in the mix, which Tuvix usually does not mention: the transporter beam, which blended all of those disparate DNA molecules into the unique person he came to be.

Neelix, Kathryn Janeway, Commander Chakotay, and I were all present in the captain's ready room when Tuvix ended his formal association with _Voyager_. He most graciously thanked the captain for permitting him to live. He had previously thanked Lieutenant Paris, Lieutenant Torres, Ensign Kim, and the Ensigns Delaney for finding a way for him to survive as the blended being called Tuvix. In this conversation, he also mentioned his twin brother Neevok, who sacrificed himself so that Neelix and I could return to our own individual lives.

During this visit with the captain and commander, Tuvix admitted he'd thought he was a fully formed being from the very first day of his existence, but his experiences over the past five years have shown him how wrong he was. He needed to live as "himself" for an extended period to mature into the person he's become. He told us he now knows that possessing the memories of two "exceptional" fathers did not mean he could have ever replaced either of us. To quote Tuvix exactly: "I discovered limitations which I never suspected were there during my two week 'newborn' period. Captain, Commander, thank you for having patience with me as I grew into true adulthood. As much as I look forward to my future life on Talax II, I will miss everyone on board _Voyager_ so terribly much."

The captain told him that accepting your limitations and learning to go on despite them is essential to the development of true wisdom. She added, "Everything you've learned will be of great value to the people living on this asteroid, Tuvix. They need the talents you and Neelix possess in such abundance to thrive in their life here. I know you're up to the task."

Neelix reported that Brax is very pleased he will have a big brother. He's already told Dexa and Neelix he hopes they will have a little brother or sister someday, too. Neelix was almost bursting with happiness when he related this to me. From the way Neelix regards Dexa, I suspect young Brax will get his wish sooner, rather than later.

The commander shook the hands of Neelix and Tuvix, wishing them all the best in the future. The captain's farewell was a tearful one. She said she will miss both of her "Talaxians." I did not object to the way she put this. In truth, I have long known that Tuvix takes after his "Dad" more than he does me, despite his diligent efforts to please me by becoming as Vulcan as he could.

Very early on, he confided his fears that his brain was "not Vulcan enough" for him to achieve complete competency in all Vulcan mental disciplines, in particular, telepathic communications and mind melding. Although I privately agreed with his assessment, I instructed him in those techniques nonetheless. I have been known to be wrong upon occasion. But from the time of my first meeting with the Doctor after my reconstitution as Tuvok, when I exercised my right as the father of a son who was only weeks old to view his brain scans, I suspected it was unlikely that Tuvix would ever be fully competent in those disciplines.

Tuvix is absolutely correct. The Talaxian inclusions in his brain interfere with his ability to mind meld independently. How gratified I was that he continued his efforts for so long, despite never being able to fully learn this skill! Meditation, on the other hand, is something he learned to do without any trouble at all. He is able to clear his mind of distractions even better than I can. He has also demonstrated the ability to provide instruction to any who wish to practice this discipline, no matter theit species. The Talaxians may find having Tuvix, who is as adept in meditative techniques as any Vulcan Master, to be a particularly beneficial resource.

When Neelix hugs me, as he is wont to do, I must control my annoyance. With Tuvix, however, to return his embrace is instinctive. I embraced my fully-Vulcan children many times when they were young. All children require the support of a parent, particularly when they are learning to control their vivid emotions as our cultural demands. Tuvix may be fully mature in appearance, but he _is_ only five years old.

I told Tuvix I would grieve his loss, and I will. Tears came to his eyes, and I must confess I felt moisture in my own while we embraced. I almost lost all emotional control.

The symptoms of _fal-tor-voh_ are now unmistakable. If I believed Tuvix to be the family member who could heal me, I would ask him to remain with me on _Voyager_. Perhaps a monk from the Vulcan monastery could have counseled us through Operation Watson, to give us enough guidance to begin the procedures needed to cure me of the condition. Tuvix has never been able to initiate a mind meld with me, however. I have always been the one to perform the actual meld, as I would with anyone who is not Vulcan. He could not help me, shortly after his advent, when the memory virus afflicted me. His blended brain is too different. It would be illogical to burden Tuvix with the knowledge that I need healing, but he cannot be the one to provide it.

Tuvix has frequently expressed his concerns about the brain damage I suffered over the years, particularly from the Ba'Neth weapon. He offered to take my place on the Borg cube to be assimilated in my stead but was turned down. It may have been a wiser course for him to have gone with the captain and Lieutenant Torres, since, as he pointed out at that time, he had never suffered any calamitous brain trauma, as I have. Since Tuvix's brain is very different from mine, perhaps the Borg Queen would not have been able to break through the protection offered by the Doctor's anti-assimilation serum. She might have been unaware of our invasion of the cube until after we had completed our mission. Had I recognized the symptoms of my condition before this incident, I might have allowed Tuvix to take my place. Unfortunately, I did not.

The Doctor has also admitted how worried Tuvix was about my mental state after the treatments inflicted upon me on Quarra by Dr. Kadan. He was right to worry, but the damage had already been done by that point. I resisted the Doctor's recommendation to share my condition with my son, or with anyone else, for that matter. I will continue to act in my capacity as Second Officer of _Voyager_ and chief of the Tactical and Security Divisions for as long as I am able.

When Tuvix and his other father walked to _Voyager's_ shuttlebay to board Neelix's little ship _Baxial_ to travel to their new home inside the asteroid, they stopped briefly to embrace the "godchildren" they'd mentored during their time on this ship. Mezoti clung to Tuvix for a second longer than Naomi did Neelix. As my Talaxians were just about to enter the bay, I called out to gain their attention. I then performed a little soft shoe dance for Neelix, the one he'd begged me to perform on First Contact Day. I refused to do so then. The commander's announcement that he'd discovered Talaxian life signs had spared me from enduring one of Neelix's protracted attempts at getting me to change my mind. Today, it seemed only right that I should finally honor his request. I could see Tuvix in the background, watching my steps and smiling at both of us with tears in his eyes. I could barely suppress my own at that moment.

My emotional control is far from what it once was, but I have no need to suppress my pride at how well Tuvix has turned out. He possesses many gifts. Although many come from of me, his "Father," just as many originated from his "Dad," Neelix.

Tuvix is a unique individual and a fine man. I am privileged to call him my son. I will miss both of my very unique, accidental family members more than I can ever say. Tuvix and Neelix will live on in my memory - for as long as it lasts.

Hopefully, longer.

=/\=

The End

=/\=

* * *

 ** _Afterward:_** The best thing about writing an alternate universe story is that a fanfiction writer can fix things that the series writers, in the fanfic writer's (not so humble) opinion, messed up. While I thought "Tuvix" was a fascinating episode of Star Trek, with a conundrum worthy of any of the Trek series, I wanted the guy to live! Tom Wright did such a wonderful job portraying Tuvok and Neelix's accidental son, I wanted to see more of him. By presenting this story, I could, even if it was only in my mind's eye, not on a screen.

Kes' departure from _Star Trek: Voyager_ in "The Gift" was sad but inspiring. The script for "Fury" was not only a mess, it trashed a beloved character so totally, I wanted to scream at the screen when I saw it the first time. (Actually, I think I did.) Whenever I've written stories that are "basically canon compliant," I have no choice. I either have to deal with the episode or omit any reference to it. I rewrote the event here in a way that I believe better fits the character of Kes as I've always viewed her. (And if anyone thinks, "Hey, the Voyager Virtual Season 7.5 writers wrote up that scenario years ago," - well, yeah, they did. I was the writer who devised and wrote that story line for Kes. It isn't plagiarism if you plunder your own work.)

The loss of Mezoti in "Imperfection" was simply tragic. I see why the writers did it now. It was more than a simple case of not wanting to work around Child Labor Laws, since they were already doing that with Scarlett Pomers, who played Naomi. Showing how a Mezoti who remained on _Voyager_ dealt with the possibility that Seven and Icheb both might die would require a lot of screen time which they simply didn't have in the episode. There was plenty of story as it was - but not enough for a "movie" special two-hour show without inserting a _LOT_ of padding. Neelix was the only one who could have taken on the role of temporary guardian until Seven's and Icheb's health issues were resolved. Here in AU land, Tuvix, our helpful Talaxian/Vulcan, was available, willing, and able, so I was in a position to keep Mezoti where she belonged. (I hope you approve, Six of Twelve, since this agrees with your wonderful story, "Mezoti's Collective.")

You may notice the chronology of this story isn't exactly the same as the way UPN aired the episodes. In some cases, internal evidence and the stardates given indicate the shows may have been aired out of order (especially true of "Drive," "Repression," and "Imperfection," at the beginning of the final season). Since many episodes had no given stardates, but there doesn't seem to have been enough time for all the events to take place between the ones that were provided, I flipped the timing of certain events to make the order more logical. In an alternate universe story, we already know things aren't exactly the same as we saw on the show, so I did what made sense for this piece. I hope you don't mind too much about that.

I consulted episode reviews from Jim Wright's "Delta Blues" website, as well as summaries from Memory Alpha, during the writing of Tuvix's life on _Voyager_. I am greatly indebted to Jim and to the people at Memory Alpha for keeping these resources available, this long after the end of the series. I also owe much to tmtcltb, TLWtlw, Beth6787, and Juddysbuddy for the reviews they left as this story was posted on fanfiction dot net. Their insights often pointed the story down avenues I might not have pursued, had their comments not spurred my imagination. They helped nudge this story along to its conclusion. Thank you so very much!

Music credit for "At Last," B'Elanna and Tom's wedding song: Writer(s): Glenn Miller, Bill Conway, William J. Finegan, Harold H. Dickinson Jr. - Copyright: Chappell & Co. Inc.

Music credit for "You'll Never Walk Alone": Richard Rodgers/Oscar Hammerstein, from the 1945 musical play, "Carousel," Copyright: The Rodgers and Hammerstein Organization.

Author's Note on 10/30/2018 (when I posted the chapter covering "One Small Step"): In memory of my cousin Patrick John "PJ" Toner, a terrific musician and a great person. Rest in Peace, Soul Cat. - 5/22/59-10/28/18

 **Disclaimer:**

 **As always, the all-important disclaimer must appear here: I acknowledge that Paramount, CBS, and whoever else they're in league with at this moment in time owns the rights of _Star Trek_ in general and _Star Trek: Voyager_ in particular, lock, stock, and photon torpedo barrel. I make no claims of ownership of any of the characters or storylines. Since this piece retells many events from the series to portray Tuvix's roles and opinions about said events, had he remained alive, I owe a great debt to the writers of all the stories and scripts, as well as the actors, directors, and production crew, who related the story of the good ship _Voyager_. I couldn't have written this story without all of you. Thank you! - jamelia**


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